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About The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 29, 1883)
THE JOURNAL. WEDNESDAY, AUG. 29, 1883. Irttxti at it rtoaei. Celesta, Xtrt., u ttoni- XX'MT. A PLEA FOR THE DUDE. c dandr of these latter days u much that men may riffhUy praise; 'or he. -with all hla vaoid wava. is someuung new. fie differs from the olden style In being: free from fraud and guile: His harmless frown and vacant smile Alike are true. . Borne foreign airs he can't escape. I Borne foreign styles he has to ape. Because they suit so well his snap From top to toe; Ho vulgar copyist is he. But truly boasts himself to bo quite unique vacuity " Bathah, yah know." In dressing up a nether limb No padder's art disguises him; As nature made that member slim. Slim it remains; And nature rules in all the rest Of his attire when he is dressed, Unless, perhaps, his hat suggest Too much of brains, In disposition mock and mild. Almost as harmless as a child, Billy by some he may b styled, But seldom rude; Though stronger souls may 6corn his dress, All must admire his cleanliness, And find therein good cause to bless The modern dude. AT. r. Sun. iCRDETTE'S ADVICE TO A YOUNG CLERGYMAN. My dear young brother: If you can, at the outset of your ministerial career, mtirely divest yourself of any idea that Sou are possessed of lungs, throat or rer, believe me, it will he peace to four bones and mercy to j'our congre gation, and your usefulness in the pul pit will be largely increased. A whining man is always a terrible sore under all circumstances and ia any profession. The more he whines the !ess do we sympathize with him. We itrive to avoid him. We listen to his complaints only when he corners us. And then we don't believe one-half of them. And we charitably say that he Mcaggerates the other half. And when we believe he was only half so ill as he claimed to be at first it follows that there is nothing whatever the matter frith him. You have seen these highly oolored manikins which the dem onstrators use on the platform, taking them apart to illustrate lectures on anatomy? Well, I have tat under the ministry of some preachers who came into the pulpit now and then, and exhibited themselves before the cobgregation as living won ders of dyspepsia, bronchitis, asthma, euralgia, headache, torpid livers, sore throat, influenza, a large and carefully selected assortment of coughs and colds, and rheumatic troubles, inflammations, congestions.spraius, bruises, contusions, malarial affections, and all the various ills to which the preacher is heir. If you are an invalid, raj' dear brother, your congregation doesn't want a full report of your case and a detailed state ment of the marvelous effects of Liebig?s Concentrated Syrup of Ginseng every Sunday morning. If a congregation is anything like other audiences and I think it is it doesn't care one cent for your physical condition. The individual units of the congregation will be moved with compassion for your infirmity, and will express and feel the deepest sympathy with you. But the mass in the aggregate will say: " We came here to hear a good sermon, not a lecture on anatonvy." And they will expect a good sermon, too, and will complain if they don't get it. Preach without any reference to yourself or your physical condition. You can some times preach a headache away. If you can't you will have to stand it. If you parade your distress before your con gregation, you only distress the people, worry and irritate them and drive them away from you. They will even "wish to goodness that man would either get well or quit preaching." All this has a heartless sound, I know, but I believe it to be true, and it isu't altogether.heart less. You must expect to preach some times when ou would rather run away, like Jonah, than go into the pulpit. All men feel that way at times, and all men, from draymen to Presidents, work when they don't feel like it. And the man who suffers the most com plains the least. The martyrs made lit tle account of their troubles. Paul only recounted his own sufferings when he was goaded to it by the wearisome "boasting" of others. And how simply be recounts his perils and sufferings: Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned." Twice does he refer to the "infirmity of the flesh," the thorn in the flesh," and then so vague ly that we only guess at what it was, nd we can find to-day in no ancient parchment Paul's indorsement of any patent infallible eye-wash, averring that It saved his sight, or that he couldn't read a line were it not for Pebble's bevel-edge lunar spectacles. He did not apologize for the feebleness of his utter ttce and wandering remarks, because on the preceding evenings he had been stoned and dragged out of the city and left for dead. And when he speaks of the messen ger of Satan sent to buffet him what a sermon does he preach on that text. If you think you can couple such a dis course with a specific account of the origin and development of a malignant inflammation of your tonsils, then go ahead, and the world will gladly glory with you in your infirmities. I do want you to go out into the world and enter upon your work like real men. I don't want one of you to create the impression that you 'gradu ated from a hospital, rather than Crozer Theological Seminary. And if you are s sufferer, suffer cheerfully for the Master's sake. Remember there is a wide difference between the dumb, dogged, sullen endurance of pain, with out a murmur and without a smile, and cheerful submission to God's will. Ah, the sunnv. blessed, a thousand-fold blessed religion, preached by the lives of these cheerful sufferers. How they shame our querulous winnings. I want you to be manlv. I don't like a "sporting" preacher. I don't think you need boxing-gloves in your room, and your presence at the horse race isn't an absolute necessity. The world expects you to live on a higher plane of morality than the rest ot us. But I don't see why you shouldn't be able to throw a fly into a trout brook without wrapping yourself and two or three alder bushes up in your line. I don't see why you maj- not as well plav base ball a3 croquet or lawn tennis. I'donot play base-ball myself: not because I would as lief be hit with a brick as catch a base-ball, any time. I think you might play cricket, if you have a few weeks you can spare for that purpose. I consider it a most excellent game to develop a man's patience and build up a habit of long-suffering endurance. I have never aeen a game played, clear through. I am too young. If you become addicted to croquet, however, remember to what an undue indulgence in this fascinating game may lead. It requires a .great leal of grace to play a game of croquet vjKhont cheating some and quar nlinr a little. Especially after the vaning grows dark. I do not like to- pfiy croquet, because I am are to be caught in the act, and it is not pleasant to be suddenly called upon to play and discover that 'you put the wrong ball in your pocket. But if yon joy any of these games, put on a soft mtt'kat and play. Don't attempt to eJmYhaaaball in a store-pipe hat. Don't Wtoo.dicaified. BigidityWtd Wteo.djgaified. Bigidity-isn't disity.,faMypnnaise or plAwjaUd'dmsiqg.'1-- the cigar store nsrer bends, and never, laughs. Bat he isn't majestic and he isn't dignified, by a long chalk. Don't be a wooden Indian. Better be a live, wild one, hair, paint, grease, dirt jnd all. 1 wouldn't carry a pistol in my nip pocket, if I were you, but if you have a gun and love to shoot, a day in the marsh or on the meadows may infuse new life in your sermons. I hunt a great deal, both in and out of game sea son. I used to carry a gun with me. Bat-it was heavy, and a trouble to car ry it, and I was always leaving the caps or wetting the powder, so I gave the gun away. I shoot just as much game with out it, I think, as I used to bing down with it, and have just as good a time. So can you. Burlington Hawkcye. m Fashion Items. A decidedly dressy and trim finish to a lady's summer toilet is a handsome Selenne covering the neck and shoul ers. It is of finest white silk chenille, or heavy silk cord made in hair-pin work, with silk or chenille fringes to match. They can be made of white to be worn over any dress, or of a pale tint matched to one certain toilet. Blacks, tabs, Vandykes and crenelat ed edges of every description are uni versal as dress trimmings. They ap pear upon flounces, over-dresses, polo naises, corsages, pelerines and sleeves. Those most effective have a thickly plaited '. frilling of lace or silk, set un derneath the blocks or points, to set out the tabs "and define the edges more closely. The "Habberton" divided skirt is this summer a favorite, at least for bathing purposes. Over this skirt is worn .a Norfolk jacket, coming some inches be low the hips, the whole giving perfect freedom to the limbs, llie sleeves are elbow length, and the jacket is cut square in the neck and covered with braid of two colors crossing each other in wicker-work fashion. Embroidery in silks or beads on the dress material is as fashionable as ever, and hand-painting on rich silks and sat ins is most artistic and luxurious in effect. This coming autumn and winter hand- Eainted garnitures will be the very eight of fashion; they certainly will always be "out of the common," as the Erice for these elegant adornments is eyond the ordinary purse. Painted muslins over thin silks the color of their ground are very elegantly worn. The trimmings of these are always shirred or pulled, any plaiting spoiling the pattern. Many of the pat tern tissues have the long polonaise tunic raised very high on one side under loops of ribbon, the drapery being either in upright plaits or gaugings. For washing materials this style is as useful as it is pretty, for the. drapery is easily undone and rearranged. The close-fittiugsleeve is yet popular, though it is not worn so uncomfortably tight as formerly. There can be no more ridiculous sight than that of a lady particularly one with a naturally thin arm and waist wearing her sleeves drawn so tight as to oblige her to keep her arms continually at one angle be cause she can not move her elbows. A little more latitude here is conducive of a considerable more grace, as well as indicative of the wearers having listened to the small but profound voice of com mon sense. Almost all bodices for summer wear are this season cut open in the neck for in-door or out-door toilets; for the latter, however, the open space is occupied by a plastron representing a waistcoat or a jabot of lace, or an embroidered chem isette may replace the plastron, but where lace or very sheer embroidered fabrics are used they must be placed over some non-transparent material, as the contrary would be wholly bad taste for out-door wear. For in-door, the lace or muslin alone may be used or not, ac cording to the fancy and style of the wearer. Magnificent French flowers are ex hibited as natural in appearance as art, skill and deftness can make silk, velvet, satin and chenille. There are marvelous simulations of the freshness and creaminess of the rose which defy detection until the temptation to sniff them is yielded to. A wonderful like ness to the real blossom also charac terizes the velvety, gold-headed pansy, the vivid and pale chrysanthemum, and indeed a spendid array of leaves and exotics, which in all their marvelous glow and variety of color and shading are now transforming many of our fancy stores into bowers of floral beauty. W. Y. Evening Post. Not Born to Be Drowned. The old adage that a cat has nine lives may perhaps in some instances be applied to a dog, for certainly the ca nine who can survive a trip over the falls was surely not born to be drowned. Mr. G. Chorman has had in his posses sion for a time a dog, which, although by no means vicious, had become ad dicted to barking'at teams and pedes trians as they passed along the street, much to the annoyance of its owner, who has tried to break him of the habit. Failing in his teachings Mr. Chorman decided to put the dog out of the way, and thinking a trip over the falls the most effective, proceeded early Sunday morning, with the assistance of one of his employes, to drop him into the riv er from the center of Goat Island bridge. Bidding doggy good-bye as he floated down the rapids, he returned home; but doggy would not have it that way. During the afternoon a stranger, walking across the new suspension bridge, observed a dog under the bank, and notified the gate-keeper at the American end of the bridge, who, with a glass, recognized the dog, and know ing that he had been sent over the falls,, notified Mr. Chorman that the dog was below the bank. Later in the day Mr. Chorman went down the inclined rail way, but could not find the animal; but early yesterday morning his son went down and soon discovered the dog, who seemed as frisky as though nothing had happened. All at once the dog has be come the hero of the hour, and will now be allowed to remain and live out the full measure of his days. Niagara Falls Gazette. Why We're Dyspeptic in Hot Weather. "As a rule," said Dr. J. A. Oldshue, yesterday, "the American lunch is re sponsible for American dyspepsia. The prevailing custom of perching on high stools where elbow room is at a pre mium, and shoveling down hot dishes is barbaric and only fit for Hottentots. Most of the lunch-rooms in the lower part of the city are fixed up in this way. The American breakfast, with its steak, potatoes, hot coffee and ict water, taken at an early hour in the morning, is hard enough on the digest ive functions; but the repetition ofthia thing at noon or one o clock is even worse, swallowed as it is with precipi tation and want of care. "Lunch should be a small, cooling, quiet meal. It should not be heavy enough to fill the stomach, but just light enough to stay the cravings until the heavier meal in the evening. "In this weather lunch should be a cold meal. Nothing is better than a slice of cold spring lamb with mint sauce and salad dressed in the French style. A ieg or a wing of cold green goose, or a bit of cold, broiled gosling, is dainty and palatable. The heaw meats, such as beef and veal, ought to be avoided. They overburden the stomach, and render a man practically unfit for the afternoon work. "If any hot dish is eaten for lunch it should be at the most a slice of fish. Nothing is more delicious than a place a cold salmon or bine-fish, with either Our Young Readers. HOW THEY DIFFER. Cries little Miss Fret, In a very great pot: "I hate this warm weather: it's horrid to tac it scorches my nose. And it blisters my toes, And wherever I go I must carry a fan." Chirps little Miss Laugh: " Why. I couldn't tell half The fun I am having this bright summer day. I sing through the hours, I cull pretty flowers. And ride like a queen on the sweet-smelling hay." M. . Gangster, in Harper's Young People. A DREADFUL ADVENTURE. Over twenty-five years ago, in a small Indiana village, which was situated on the banks of a pleasant stream, stood an old, red-brick school-house. The village is still there. It has not yet grown into city ways, and probably never will. The river, too, is there, and is still the same pleasant, high-banked stream it was twenty-live years ago. But the dear, old red-brick school-house has given place to a more pretentious mod ern structure, and the little boys and girls who romped upon the school-house plav-irround then are all men and women now, with little boys of their own. and girls Children have grand events in their lives, as well as older people. Wonder fully exciting incidents occur to them, narrow escapes and startling advent ures which they remember all their lives. It is one of these narrow escapes, one of these startling adventures of child-life, that I am about to tell to the little boys and girls of to-day, and the story isno "make believe;' it is true terribly true it seemed to six little girls who attended school at the old red-brick so long ago. Just back of the school-house was the play-grouud, and just back of the play ground, with only a high board fence Between, was the railroad track, where trains thundered past at all hours of the day. The fence between us was high, and the most agile boy in the play-grouud could not climb to its top, but thev could, and did, beat down the boards with miniature battering-rams, constructed for this puqiose. These openings would sometimes es cape the notice of the teacher for days, even weeks, at a time, and the children would crowd their round, bright faces into them to watch the trains go past. At first they remained within the in closure. and only glanced through at the forbidden grounds beyond, but they finally grew bolder, and ventured into the tall grass which grew on either side of the track. The boys converted the newly-acquired territory into a ball ground, while the girls 'began to search for a suitable location for a play-house. There were six little girls who be longed to one play-family, representa tives of six different real families in the village. Minnie Wells, the minister's little daughter, was only six years old; Dot Williams belonged to the village merchant, Nellie Dodd to the grocer; Fay Ferris represented the aristo.cracy, in French merino and high-Jieeled boots, while Sallie McConald came from the lower ranks of society. These little girls were all about seven years of age; but the mother of this in teresting family, Mary Washburn, was older and was also the cause of the ter ror and humiliation which came to them one autumn day. Jt was during the noon intermission that Mary joined her family, with eyes aglow with excitement, exclaiming: "Oh, my! I guess I've found a house for us now a really, truly house and we can have a bed-room, and a kitchen, and a parlor, and everything we want, and we won't let a single boy into it not a single boy!" "Oh, where is it?" chorused the other voices, excitedly. "You just follow me, and see what I've found," Mary answered, as she led the way, with grave importance. And, sure enough, there it stood, a "really, truly" liouse, as Mary had said, with roof, and floor, and great slide doors on either side just the loveliest play-house in the world, the children thought and they pre pared to move in and take possession at once. "But there ain't any steps to it, and how'll we ever get "in?" asked Faj-, dolefully, as she glanced up at the great, open door, so far above. "We'll make us some steps," an swered Mary, who was equal to almost any emergency. A large box lay near, and the six little girls set to work to roll it to the side of the new house, under the door, regardless of white aprons and clean hands; and then, with shrieks of delight, they clambered in and explored the premises. "The family that moved out wasn't the leastest bit neat," said Nellie, view ing the floor in diemay. "We'll have a thorough house-cleaning," said Mary, energetically. "Now, children," she added, "I want you to all go to the old play-house, and move the furniture ana dishes to our new house just as quick as ever you can. I should be mortified to death if Mrs. Judge Baxter or the minister's wife snoula call and nna us in such us in sucn a muss." And then, oh, how hard they did work, those six little girls! Pieces of carpets, bits of broken crockery, odds and ends of almost everything which the real mothers at ho'me had con tributed to the play-house at different times, were brought by armfuls to the new house, and great drops of perspira tion stood out under the edge of brown, yellow and sandy hair, the result of their energetic enthusiasm. Water was brought, in an old, bat teredtin dinner-pail, from the depot, which was quite near, and the floor was scrubbed with an old cast-away broom, until, as Susie remarked, 'twas plenty clean enough to eat off from." "And, oh my! Just the cutest little shelf for our dishes!" said Dot, as she placed them carefully in a row on a beam which extended" across the end of the house. "It's the nicest house I ever did see," exclaimed Sallie, drawing in a long, de lighted breath. By this time the household goods had all been conveyed to the new house, andlay in piles of confusion on the floor. "Now, do work spry, children!" said the busy mother, brushing about ex citedly. " We must get things straight ened before the school-bell rings. There it goes," she cried, in dismay. " Oh, dear me! It's just as I expected. I know that Mr. Donald hasn't given us half an hour's nooning to-day. "The mean old thing!" cried Nellie, indignantly. At that instant, without a moment's warning, the two great doors.on either side of the liouse slid to with a bang, that brought six wildly palpitating hearts into six throbbing little throats, as the terror-stricken chddren stood in the awful darkness of their prison house. They were too frightened and aston ished to speak: or move for a moment, and during that short space of silence they heard a great, rough voice, just outside, say: "I can get a good big price for 'em out West, where there ain't no little girls. Pll couple this 'ere night-car 2' jht on to the engine, an' take 'em off ore they're missed." And then the "new home" began to move along the track, slowly at first, but gaining rapidity at every turn of the wheels, and a wail of anguish, which was simply terrific, went up from the entire family within. Hot and .Nellie danced rirbt up and and screamed at tWlbp inert theirsiay oi ito voices, tossing their chubby hands about in a most frantic manner. Sallie and Fay lifted up their voices in a dismal wail of anguish. Little Min nie dropped on hor knees, and began t( say: " Now I lay me," getting it sadly mixed with " Oh, I want my mamma'. While Mary threatened her captor with every conceivable manner of von- feance if he did not release her at once; ut her terrible threats were drowned by the united voices of hersobbing chil dren. "Oh, what shall we do? What shall we ever do?" cried Nellie, in despair. "I s'pose he's goin' to sell us to the people who eat up fat little girls and what will our mamma do then?" sobbed Dot. Then followed another burst of un controllable grief aud lamentation, loud er and longer than the first, in the midst of which the giant's heart must have re lented, for one of the great doors sliel suddenly open, letting in a flood of sun light letting out six sorrowful little girls, with tumbled clothes and tear stained faces. They did not wait to find the step, but jumped out in such reckless hastd that they fell upon each other in a be wildering heap of bright-colored dress es, from which protruded six pairs ol small shoes struggling to extricate thei owners from the heaving muss. Thii was finally accomplished, aud just as the second reading class wore taking their places on the recitation seats, six forlorn little objects filed into the school, room. But their troubles were not at an end. To be sure, they had lost all of their household goods; had bruised them selves dreadfully in their fall from the car; had soiled and torn their dresses, so that an explicit explanation must ba rendered at home; but the most terrible part was j-et to come. They fully re alized this when Miss Birch bade them stand in a line, and await Mr. Donald's verdict. Trembling with apprehensive forebodings they stood there, while the copious tears flowed afresh. At length they heard his step in the hall, the step which they feared at any time, but which seemed like a knell of doom as the awaited his coming. He entered the room, heard their piti ful story, and then their punishment began. Mary, being the oldest, was placed foremost, and the rest directly behind her, in a line. "Forward, march!" said the principal, in a voice of stern command; and the melancholy lino advanced. Mr. Donald stood at the door, leading into the hall, and as they passed him he administered a stinging box on the six left cars turned toward him. He then marched solemnly in advance, and led them up the stairs into the august pres ence of the young ladies and gentlemen of the school, after which he again took his station at the door, and adminis tered a box of equal severity on the six right ears. The little culprits then took their seats, with hot cheeks and hotter ears as reminders of their offense. For days afterward they took no in terest in play-houses or games, but would go away by themselves and talk over their dreadful adventure, and sur mise and wonder what terrible things would have happened to them if their captor had not finally relented and set them free. Ruth Harlwick, in Golden Days. An Old Man's Adventure on a Railway Bridge. An old man living in Marshall Coun ty recently met with an experience which he will not soon forget. He was walking down the Baltimore & Ohio Railroad, about a mile beyond Mounds ville and near Huggin's mill, late in the evening, when he heard a train coming in the distance. A few yards below was a bridge, which the old man thought ho could cross before the approaching train reached it. He started rapidly, but as he stepped upon the ties the train ap peared in sight. It was still some dis tance away, and he increased his speed in hopes that he would clear the bridge. Suddenly his foot slipped on one of the oily ties, and he was thrown to his knees between the rails. As he rose he glanced toward the train, and his blood must have turned cold when he saw it just coming into the covered bridge at a speed which quick as thought annihi lated the short distance between it and the trembling man. At the same time the engineer, "Chap" Fleming,-saw a dark form in the headlight's glare, real ized the perilous situation, and four sharp, shrill screams from the whistle and the wheezing of the air-brakes showed at once that ho was doing his best to stop the train. In the moment of time which this oc cupied, the old man had seized his only hope of safety. A position where he had one chance in a million for his lifo suggested itself, and without hesitation he lay down on the ends of the ties. His action was watched by the engineer and fireman, and its almost utter hopeless ness was seen. They turned away with an involuntary exclamation of horror, expecting the next instant to feel the jar of the wheels as they mangled his body to shreds. The man had scarcely laid down when the train was on him, and the cow-catcher plowed him from his narrow shelf. If before he had but one chance in a million for his life, it would now seem that even that chance was gone. But not so. In his fall the man stnick upon one of the cross beams which pass several feet below the track from side to side of the bridge. He clasped this with the strength of desperation, and clunj to it until t the train had reached the other side. Then, with weak and trembling clutch, he drew himself up to the track and crawled rather than walked back to shore. There he sat down, scarcely bruised by his rough contact with the engine or his fall, but sick with fright. As soon as the train could be brought to a stand-still, Conductor Manning sent his brakeman, a man named Hillard, back to see if the man was dead. What was their surprise to find him sitting by the track unhurt, and, except for his scare, no worse for his fearful experi ence an experience probably without a precedent. Wheeling (W. Va.) Intel ligencer. Killed by a Tombstone. The story of the sculptor at Ayr (Mr. Smith), who is reported to have been crushed to death by a heavy monument an which he was at work, and which he somehow brought dowui upon himself from the platform on which it had been raised, recalls several similar stories of antiquity and of the Middle Ages, in which the sculptor is represented as struck to the ground and killed by his own creation. Sometimes, too, a statue will fall in an independent manner on a person who had taken no part in creat ing it, but who had been guilty of some offense generally toward the statue it self. A statue, for example, having been erected during his lifetime to the wrestler Theagenes, a jealouB rival ap proached it one night, and, after insult ing it by word of mouth, seized it by the beard and pulled it down upon .him self with crushing effect. An endeavor, too, has been made to explain, by like affront, followed by like consequences, the legend of Don Juan and' the statue of the commander. Unhappily, in thej case of Mr. Smith, the story is tree.' The monument that crushed'him was a; tombstone weighing upward of half si Lton. St. James' Gazette. m m According to a New York phTsiclajn, hydrate of chloral threatens to'Secome a more dangerous arug man opium i to forks. PERSONAL AND LITERARY. The right name of Henry Irving, She English actor, is Broadrib. Mr. A. A. A bell, proprietor of the Baltimore Sun, is estimated to be worth B15.000.000. General Bradley T. Johnson baa finished writing a book on the early his tory of Maryland. Clara Louise Kellogg has leased a house at New Hartford, Conn., near her birth-place, and will spend the summer there. The two candidates for Governor of Ohio, Judges Foraker and Hoadly, vote in the same precinct in Cincinnati. Cleveland Leader. Mrs. Alma Taderaa, wife of the English painter, is one of the three sis ters who are called "Nutritious," "Grateful" and "Comforting." Rev. Stephen H. Tyug, Jr., has given up the pulpit, become a perma nent Parisian, and is to be the general European agent of the Equitable Life Insurance Company, of New Yerk. Ar. Y. Sun. The breach of promise case of Mary Alice Livingston against Henry Fleming, a New York millionaire, in which the lady got a judgment for $75, 000, .has been "compromised by the pay ment of $35,000. The following ex-Governors of Ver mont are octogenarians: Hiland Hall, Bennington; Ttyland Fletcher, Caven dish; Julius Converse, Woodstock; Paul Dillingham, Watcrbury; Frederick Hol brook, Brattleboro. In Burke County. Ga., a few days ago Daniel Dowse, aged ninety, married Rachel Jones, aged seventy-five. The timid bride nervously clutched the arm of her groom, who' bore himself with maul' pride. -i-Ar. 1'. Graphic. Mayor Bulkuley, of Hartford, spends much more for the city every year than his salary covers. His enter tainment of the 'Charleston (S. C.) militiamen cost him several thousand dollars, the expense of the little feast at his own house being about $1,700. Hartford (Conn.) Post. United States Minister Hunt and Admiral Baldwin have received the large gold medal commemorative of the Czar's coronation. Admiral Baldwin has received a gold snuff-box, with a portrait of the Czar set in brilliants, to mark the Czar's personal appreciation of the courtesy of the United States in sending a special naval mission to Mos cow. Mrs. Margaret Haughery is to have a life-sized statue in New Orleans. For forty years she was the most self-sacrificing philanthropist in that city. Many instances of her heroism are borne in mind by her admirers. On one occa sion, when she applied at a large grocery for provisions, she was laugh ingly told by a member of the firm: "We'll give you all you cau pile on a wheelbarrow, if you will take it to the asyluni yourself." She accepted the offer and rolled the barrow in triumph through the streets. Chicago Journal. HUMOROUS. The overworked printer may bo called a galley-slave. What relation is the door to the door-mat? A .ttup-father. The man who invented the phrase. "Just as easy as rolling oft a log," must have tried to cross the river on one. A Pittsburgh clothier advertises "Gents' Refrigerator Clothing." The outfit probably includes a nice chest protector. Very shocking. A fair and accomplished young Dr. Fell in love with a lady named Pr.f But his terms scientific Came forth so terrific, That they really and truly quite shr. The keeper of a New York prison charges prisoners fifteen dollars a week board. He must be laboring under the idea that the prison is a summer resort hotel. Such an outrageous charge is enough to induce a a i i ", poor man to load an upright life and not patronize his old jail. Aorrtsloton Herald. An Erie (Pa.) paper prints a story about a minister in Mercer who cured a dog of paralysis by praying over it for an nour. We don't doubt it. A prayer an hour long, by some preachers, would make a wooden dog get up and walk. The only wonder is how the Mercer parson could stand it so long himself. Burlington Hawkeyc. The most gauzy story ever presenied to the credulity of the American public, says the San i rancisco Post, is that in a recent stage robbery in Montana an editor who was a passenger was robbed of 1.50, and had 600 that was not taken. The inside facts are that he had the 1.50 in the toe of his sock and the 600 in his mmd. A hungry countryman was explor ing one of the quiet lanes in the city for a dinner, when his ears were saluted by a shrill voice from an eating-house, which uttered in rapid tones the follow ing incomprehensive jargon: "Biled lamancapersors Rosebeefrosegoos Rosemuttonantaters Biledlamancab bagevegetables Walkinsirtakeaseat sir." The astonished man hastened his pace in order to find a house where they spoke English. N. Y. Graphic. Once upon a time a belated traveler applied for shelter at a farm-house in rather a wild part of New England, and after being taken care of for the nfght, was invited to join the family at morning prnj-ers. The host prayed with due fervor for the stranger within his gates, and also that his own sons might be like two hemispheres. The guest, failing to comprehend his exact meaning, ventured to asK it later on. The good farmer looked a bit puzzled, said he didn't exactly know, and after a moment's hesitation said: "But I guess it's a pretty good word, ain't it ?" Harper's Bazar. An orange-seller, the other day, found a bad specimen among his fruit and carelessly tossed it away. It struck an old woman in the eye, and she made such a fuss over the accident that the man gave her a dozen good oranges to fro her way in peace. She had scarcely eft when a sharp-looking boy about twelve years of age slid up to the fruit seller and said: "Are you going to hit any more old women to-day?" "Why, nol not if I can help it," was the reply. "If you are, give me a chance," con tinued the lad. "I'll bring my mother down here, and you ma' hit her in both eyes for half the oranges you gave that other woman, and if that isn't fair you can have a shot at dad and me." Chi cago Herald Knew Her Falling. "So, Mary, you are going to leave me to take service with Mrs. De Vere?" "Yes, ma'am, but you see she pays me more wages." "I suppose so, and I suppose your mind is made up to go. Mary, I want to make you a present before you go." " Please don t ma'am." " Why, what do you mean?" "1 mean, ma'am, that Mrs. De Vere will want to know the cost of your par lor curtains, the number of your serv ants, and the name of your dressmak er." "And suppose she does?" " Why, rll have to tell her, and as much more as I can think of. It's my rfailing, and if you give me your old black silk not to tell, and she gives me a new seven dollar hat to pump out all I know, I feel that I shall lean toward the hat." Mary is allowed to go, and Mrs. Eras tus thanks her stars that the girl never knew that her diamonds were paste ox the furniture mortgaged. Will BtrttX TRIPLE TRAIN : EXCURSION ! TO WASHINGTON, BALTIMORE, HARPER'S FERRY, LURAY CAVERNS, MT. VERNON, . FORTRESS MONROE, OLD POINT COMFORT, AND OT1IKR 1'OINTS OK Scenic and Historic Interest FROM CHICAGO -OVKK Picturesque g J Q At the Iteunirkablv Low Kite of HALF FARE Or niu- rc-rulnr fan- for the Hound trip trom Chicago to Ilultiiuore anil return. SEPTEMBER 10TH. First train leaving Chicago at S:.',0 in the morn'ng. Seeond train leaving Chicago at 5: 10 in the afternoon. Third train leaving Chicago at fl: -10 in the evening. All thee trains departing from Chictgo at sticu hour-, as to enaiilc direct connec tion from the trtiii- arriving in Chicago on the Chicago, Hock Maud & Pacific, the C hieago .Vr Alton, the Chicago, Ilurling ton ,v (Juiney, trie Wabash, the Chicago, .Milwaukee .v. St. l'aul, the Chicago & Northftern. the IrtiiioN Central," and all other line fiom the NORTHWEST AUD SOUTHWEST. NO CHANGE OF CARS OK ANY CLASS HU)M Chicago to Baltimore and Vashington. ELEUAxNT XKW DAY COACHES, Magnificent Palace Sleep ing Cars, Superb New Dining Oars, 3ROYAL TRAINS Axn Lightning Time. The Baltimore & Ohio Companv has de termined to make thoe triple trains the grandest Excursion event in railroad anna!-, and to this end will call into play all the eiioininii- re.ource of its great -ytem The date of the Excursion N most hap pily timed, enaldiug all who , articipate io auenu u,e lcinirKaiHe series of 0EI0LE FESTIVITIES AT ItAalEMOlCi:. Embraced in the brilliant aud unprece dented programme, is one night of Un paralleled ELECTRICAL DISPLAYS And another night of Wondrous MYSTIC PAGEANTRY! NEVER EQUALED IN THE WORLD. On the Electric Night, Lord Baltimore will arrive in the Harbor of Baltimore upon one of the line-t steamers atloat, and which will literally he a blaze of electri cal illumination. " The IJoyal Steamer will he escorted up the harbor by trom sixty to eighty tug boats, four abreast, and each carrying electric lights in vari ous colors. From all sides of the harbor Fire-AVorks in great profusion will be discharged from special barges stationed for such purpose, and the spectacle as a whole will be an unprecedented one. Arriving in the city. Lord Baltimore, his Courtiers, Household and Officers will be escorted to the City Hall bv a most novel Military l'arade a thous'aud sol diers covered with Electric Lights in ditfereut colors; horses with electrical plumes, and the whole city presenting a ene simply indescribable. ox iAE4iiT iic;irr, Another remarkable spectacle will be witnessed, and effects produced never before attempted in any city of the world. The parade will be the grandest in ex tent known in the history of mystic pageantry. The costumes, all entirely new, were made in Paris, and beyond all comparison the linest ever imported to this country. The unparalleled number of Forty Tableau Floats will be in line, and will be larger and more imposing in construction than ever before known. Some conception of the amazing extent of the pageant may be gleaned from the tact mat upwards ot thirteen hundred men, two hundred and thirty horses, six bands, and six hundred carried lights are requited to place it upon the streets. Xo advance will be made in the usual rates for hotel accommodations, either in Baltimore or Washington, visitors being enabled to stop in either city, the Balti more and Ohio running FIFTY-MINUTE TKAIK between tne two cities. Trains run at least every hour. IIAKPEK'S FF.HKY Is directly upon the line ot the B. fc O., only a little over two hours' run from Baltimore and one hour from Washington. The old John Brown Fort still stands. As all the paradtsfcdisplays and Pageants at Baltimore take place "at night, there will he abundant opportunities to visit Harper's Ferry. OLD POINT COMFORT AND FORTRESS MONROE Are but oce night's sail from Baltimore or Washington on Magnificent Steamers. Excursionists so choosing cau take the Bay Line Steamers at Baltimore, witness the grand electrical and pyrotechnical display in the harbor, arrive at Old Point Comfort and Fortress Monroe eailv the following morning, spend the day and be back in Baltimore again bright and early on the morning of the night of the great Mystic Pageant. MOUNT VERNON Is but a few hours' ride on the historic Potomac from "Washington. Splendid Steamers leaving every morning aud re turning uunng tne atternoon. LURAY CAVERNS, The most famous of all the subterranean wonders of the country, are readily with in a day's time from "Washington or Bal timore. Special fast Excursion Trains, making the round trip, with four hours at the caverns, which are now lighted throughout by Electricity. WASIlINCiTON, Ever a place of greatest interest to all. never looks more beautiful to the eye or offers more inducements for a visit than during the lovely weather always the rule in September. The B. Jfr O." is the onlv direct line from the West to Wash ington, and the only line running Fifty-Minute Trains BETWEEN -WASHINGTON and BALTIMORE. No such an opportunity for a visit to the most attractive centres of interest in the East and South has been offered for years as thin Grand Triple Train Trip. Write for fuU details and all informa tion as regards Sleeping Car and other accommodations to T. H. DEABBOBff, General North- Western Passenger Agent, Baltimore & Ohio H. H. 16-4 S3 Clark Street, Chicago, 111. KASTXVARI). Daily Express TraiuB for Omalia. Cut cas, HansuM City, St. Louis, aud all jMiiutB East. Through cars via l'eorla to tinliaii apoUs. Eletyuit Pullman I'nlncc 'i:rsaml Duy coaches on all through trnitij, and Dining Cnri cast of Hissouri Kher. Through Ticket at tho T.ou pet Ilatnq baggago -will Lo checked t lt';titiattc':i. Any wui oo cneerrauy iurtasncti upou application to any ngont, or to I S. EUSTK, Giinil Ticket Agent. Omahc, Neb. NOTICE Chicago Weekly News. -AND SOLVUBVS, HSB., lOnUL FOR $2.50 a Year Postage Included. Th9 OaiJAGO WEEKLY NEWS is recognized as a paper unsurpassed in all the requirements of Americai. Journalism. It stands conspicuous among the metropolitan journals of the country as a complete News-paper. In the matter of telegraphic service, having the advantage of connection with the CHICAGO DAILY NEWS, it has at its com mand all the dispatches of the Western Associated Press, besides a very extensive service of Special Telegrams from all important points. As a News-paper it has no supe rior. It is INDEPENDENT. Politics, presenting all political news, free from partisan bias or coloring, and absolutely without fear or favor as to parties. It is, in the fullest sense, a FAMILY PAPER. Each issue contains several COM PLETED STORIES, a SERIAL STORY of absorbing interest, and a ricn variety of condensed notes on Fashions, Art, Indus tries, Literature, Science, etc., etc. Its Market Quotations are complete, and to be relied upon. It is unsurpassed asw an enterprising, pure, and trustworthy GENERAL FAMILY NEWSPAPER. Our special Clubbing Terms bring it within the reach of all. Specimen copies may be seen at this offiot Send subscriptions to this office. 18T0. 1883. THK alrnqbus $onrtud Is conducted as a FAMILY NEWSPAPER, Devoted to the best mutual inter ests of its readers and it puhli.h. ers. Published at Columbus, I'latte county, the centre of the agricul tural portionpfNebraska.it is read by hundreds of people eas.t who are looking towards Nebraska as their fnture home. Its subscribers in Nebraska are the staunch, solid portion of the community, as is evidenced by the faet that the JouitN'AL has never contained a "dun" against them, and by the other fact that ADVERTISING In its columns always brings its reward. Business is business, and thoe who wish to reach the solid people of Central Nebraska will 11 nd the columns of the Journal a splendid medium. JOB WORK Of all kinds neatly and quickly done, at fair prices. This specie of printing is nearly always want" ed in a hurry, and, knowing thi fact, we have so provided for it that we can furnish envelopes, let ter heads, bill heads, circulars, posters, etc., etc., on very short notice, and promptly on time as we promise. SUBSCRIPTION. 1 copy per annum " Six months ... " Three months,. 20 . 1 00 . h0 Single copy sent to any address in the United States for 5 cts. M. Z. TTTENER & CO., Columbus, Nebraska. EVERYBODY Can now afford A CHICAGO DAILY. THE CHICAGO HERALD, All. the News every day on four large pages of seven columns each. The Hon. Frank AV Palmer (Postmaster of Chi cago), Editor-in-Chief. A Republican Daily for $5 per Year, Three mouths, $1.;V). One month on trial 50 cents. CHICAGO "WEEKLY HERALD" Acknowledged byi everybody who has read it to be the best eight-page paper ever published, at the low price of tl PER YEAR, Postage Free. Contains correct market reports, all the new., and general reading interest ing to the farmer and his family. Special terms to agents and clubs. Sample Copies free. Address, CHICAGO HERALD COMP'Y 120andl22Fifth-av., A0.tT CHICAGO. ILL LYON&HEALY A Monro SU.. Chicago. Wm 4 bihU to uy Mdirmm lb AMDCATALOOUe, br 1M3. 100 PK. " Escnrlnp, Mtraswata. aaiu. up, aeii l. Eianl.U. bua Dram JUio.1, Suflk. tul ik. &bo lncluda I ulnKtlon lil Sandrr Bud Ont&th Bl for Anirar aiOL J m rCbefcaBudMufe, iHSUt H" Mac lV "WESTWARD. DailT Exnrcsa Train"! for I)nnrr. ..,. nectint; In Union Depot lor all poitita Ja ' West. Tho advent of this lino gives Uio trav e!or a New ICoute to tho West, with scenery u;ui ;uiaiiuii;i.'3 uuuijuiuiou cisownero p on snto nt n'1 Hn lrmv4iTit clfiino r,.l information az to ratos, routes or time tables ! THE- Special Announcement! SEDUCTION IN PRICE. We otler the .louitXAi. in combination with the American Agriculturist, the !nt farmeri magazine in the world, for :t a year, which includes postage on both. IN ADDITION, we will seiidm? to ev ery person who takes both papers, .t -Mairnilieent l'late Kngraiugof Dl riJh" last Great Painting. "H TIIX: .fSfiLt 1MHV," iii.w on exhibition in New York, and odcrcd for -ale at S.'.OOO. Tne eminent ArtM, Y. S. I'lIl'lH II. writing to a friend in the cotmtr li-t October, tint" allude to thK Picture: ". . I wa delighted thi morning to see offered as a Premium a reprodm-tiou of a very beautiful Picture, IV '"'III? :?IKABMYVby Dupre. Thi Picture is an Kducator " Thi -superb engraving 1T" by 1- inches, exclusive of wide border, is worth more than the cot of both Journal. It i mounted on heavy Plate Paper, and -t securely packed in Tube made exprc dy for the purpose. When to be mailed, 10 cents extra is required for Packing, Post age, etc. 33Subseriptions may begin at any time, and the Agriculturist furnished in German or English. D YOU WANT THE KKST Illustrated Weekly P.ijwr . M published ? If so, snh 0 scribe for Tlie Wooldy Graphic It contains four pai;e4 of illustrations and eight paues of reading matter. It is terse. It is vigorous. It is clean anil healthy. It gives all the news. Its home department is full of choice literature. Farming interesU receivespe cial and regular attention. It treats inde pendently of politics and aflairs. During the year it gives over 200 pages of illustra tions, embracing every variety of subject, from the choicest art production to the customs, manners and noteworthy incident and everyday scenes of every jeopIc ; and Cartoons upon events, men and measures Try it a year, subscription price $2.50 a year Sample copies and terms to agents, 5 cent-. Aodkkm THE WEEKLY GRAPH U , 182 & 18-1 Dearbokx Street, Chicago. Wo offer Tho Weekly Graphic in Club with The Columbus Journal For $;:.90 a vear in advance. LUERS & HOEFELMANty DEALKKS IX CHALLENGE WIND MILLS, AND PUMPS. Buckeye Mower, combined, Self Binder, wire or twine. Pumps Repaired on short notice iSTOne door we-t of Heint. Drug Store, 11th Street, Columbu-4, Neb. s REST net, life is wcepinr b. go and dare before ou die, .something misrhty and sublime leave behind conouer time. ?W a Week in your own wn. f."i outfit free. No risk. Every thing new. Capital not required. We will furnish you everything. 3Ianv are making fortunes. Ladies make as much as men, and boy-, and girls make gre.it pay. Header, if you want businc at which you can make great pay all the time, write for particulars to H. IIallkxt & Co., Portland, Maine. ai-y SrJ A week made at home bv the Hk l J industrious. Uet bu'ine 0 I fj now before the public. Capital not needed. We will start you. 3Ien, Women, boys and girl want ed everywhere to work for u. Now is the time. You can work in spare time, or give your whole time to the business. No other business will pay you nearly as well. Nc one can fail to make enormou pay, by engaging at once. Costly outfit and terms free. Money made fast, easily and honorably. Address Truk & Co., Augusta, Maine. 31-y. 0