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About The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 15, 1883)
He Woald Be a Jemnulist. Can I come in?" A young man whose clothes were sus piciously new, and upon whoso face there was a complacent, self-satisfied expression, stood in the doorway of the editorial rooms and propounded the above interrogatory in a very loud and declamatory tone of voice. "I suppose you can," said the horse reporter, "unless you are afflicted with some constitutional malady which pre vents your putting one foot in front of the other, or have got a pair of hobbles on. There have some daisy fellows come up here lately, but you are the first one that wanted to know whether he could go through an open door." "I didn't mean exactly that," con tinued the young man. "WhatI wanted to know was if I conld come into the room for a few minutes." "Certainly you can; only don't say anything to the effect that we ought to 'have a pleasant summer after such a rain- spring, or you may find yourself a pallid corpse in the donjon keep be 'neath the moated turrets of the castle. If you are looking for the Hawkinsville Clarion or the Urtindy Coutity Palla dium, you will find them in that pile of papers over in that corner. If you are 'aweary, and fain would woo the drowsy god, ask the man in the next room for the Boston Advertiser. A Boston paper "will make insomnia flee away as the black wraiths of despair and desolation 'vanish before the golden rays of hope. Don't mistake yon haggard paste-pot for a cup-custard, because in its con sents there is a generous admixture of 'deceased cockroaches that but a few short das agone were members of 'happy family circles now, alas, sun 'dered by the cruel hand of a darksome 'and unrelenting fate." , "I didn't want to read any ex changes," said tlie 3'oung man. "The object of my visit was to see the princi pal editor the one who makes engage ments with journalists." J "The what?" "The editor who makes engagements 'with journalists." "O, you mean the man that hires the 'hands. He's in the other room. Do jyou want a job?" , "Well," said the young man, in a rather haughty manner, "I have some thoughts of entering the journalistic (profession." "You mean that you want to hire out as a deckhand on a newspaper, don't iyou?" 1 "Perhaps that is your way of ex pressing it, sir," said the young man, !"but our Professor of lthetoric always '.told us that " J "O. you're a college graduate, are jyou?" said the horse reporter. "I fthought you had a kind of I-shall-now-'go-forth-and-take-chargc-of-affairs air about yon. 1 suppose you graduated llast week?" "Yes, sir," was the reply, "and I imay say that my oration " "I know all aboutit," interrupted the horse reporter. "You spoke a piece about 'Life's Mission,' or 'Our Coun try's Future,' or something like that, and when you had finished it the young lady in the percalo dress whom you have been taking to the weekly meet ings of the Plutonian Literary Society for the last two 3'ears sent a big bouquet jup to the platform for you with a little piece of rose-tinted note-paper in the center of it, with 'From One Who Ad mires Genius' written on it. And then la lot of Teutonic musicians blew them (selves black in the face playing the Star 'Spangled Banner. And in the evening .you went to the President's reception with the female admirer of Genius, and jon the way home 3011 told her that now 3'ou were about to enter upon a new sphere of action, to go forth and do battle with the world, anil carve for (yourself a niche high in the Temple of (Fame, 3011 felt that 3-011 must tell her how your whole existence was wrapped lup in a pure, holy love for her a love .that would never falter or fade as long las life remained. And then she laid 'her head trustfully on 3-our manly ibrcast, and said that she would not try 'to conceal from you the fact, ever pres ent in her heart, that you were the one man in all the wide, wide world upon twhom she could freel3' bestow that most .precious of all gifts the tender, true and all-absorbing love of a pure woman. 'But in about five 3'ears things will look different. There are now more 3oung men who started out to carve a niche .high in the Temple of Fame chasing large red steers over thcarid plains of rTexas or delivering mackerel to the first families than 3011 can shake & 'stick at." "But surely, sir, 3-011 do not mean to (insinuate that a college education is in any wa3 a hindrance to the accomplish nicnt of those ends which it should ever ibe the aim of all who have the welfare ;of their county at heart tc bring about?" "That's just the trouble," said tho horse reporter. "Your college gradu ates alwa3s start out with the idea that .'it is 3'our mission to manipulate the en itiro universe, when as a matter of fact ithc most of 3'ou wouldn't do to leave in charge of one small baek-3-ard. Be cause a young man knows all about the square of the hypothenuse, and can reel off chunks of Roman history, it .does not necessarily follow that there is a wild competition among business men for his valuable services. If the emplo3ers of America never go lame until their legs give out from running after college graduates there will be the soundest lot of underpinning on record in this country. Erudition is a fine thing, but 3ou can't get much board on it in this town." "But, sir," said the graduate, "the annals of every country in which the highest civilization has obtained show lhat it is the men of letters who shape the destinies " "There 3-011 go again," said the horse reporter, "talking about shaping des tines aud all such gruel as that. Don't you worry about dentin. The chances are that even if 3ou were to fall over what you don't know and break vour neck to-morrow sornebod would look after the destiny-shaping business all right. Your best hold for the next year or two will be checking off barrels of Al sugar for some wholesale grocery house over on River Street. Destiny won't get left an3 in the meantime." "Then 3-ou do not think I will be able to make mv mark in the journalistic profession ?' t "You might," replied the horse re porter, "if 3-ou were to go up-stairsand fall over some type, but not otherwise at present." "But I might do some preliminary work," suggested the 3-oung man "write some sketches and things of that . kind." "Yes, you could do that." "What would you suggest for a norti de plume?'1 "WJell," replied thef horse reporter, I should say that 'Affable Imbecile would about fill the bill for you." Good day, sir. I will keep my eye on journalism and await an oppor tunity to join its ranks." "All right," said the horse reporter; "but in case tho street-car conductors get up another strike 3-ou had better re move your optic from journalism and head for the car-barns.". Clucago Trib- uncT ,1 jl -. " The granary of L. M. Mcintosh, oa the bank of tho Sacramento. River, at Chico, was mysteriously robbed night after night. A watch was set, and then a Iargeflock"bf wood, ducks was seen entering the granary through a broken (window pane in regularise. After thet ' last duck had .got inside, the watchers The Biggest Liar ea Lea Islam. He got on the front platform of a car going to the cemetery. Under his left arm Tie held a paper box of flowers, and in his mouth was stuck a nickel plated pipe, from which, ever and anon, fumes of tobacco-smoke stole in through the open door and windows, gyrating under the nose of a passenger in black, causing him to beat the air with his hand, as if driving off Jersey mos quitoes. The conductor, after treading on a policeman's corn and tripping over several wreaths, reached the front plat form. "Say, you there! Put that pipe out, or I'llate ye!" The man struck the bowl of the pipe against the dashboard, sending the sparks over the hands of the driver. Conductor, you oughtn't talk to a man like that when he's buried in sor row. No, sir; you oughtn't;" and he came into the car and crowded himself into a seat between a middle-aged man and a thin woman. "I'm goin' to tho cemetery with these flowers, he remarked to the middle aged man. "I have three wives out there; every year I make this journey. This rose I raised in the flower-pot that Rebecca used to fire around when she was here on earth, poor soul. She was as good a woman as ever wore a corset. Very fond of flowers, too. Cost me more for her bonnets than the other two put together. She just woie a hangin' garden of Bab3Jon on every bonnet she wore. Rebecca did. This flower they call a cameler." "A camellia," spoke the middle-aged passenger, feeling that he ought to saj something. "It's for the grave of m3T third wife. She read a book called 'Camille,' and seen the play lots of times. She coughed herself into a consumption. Her stronghold was in imitatin' the heroine in all the books she read. Every day I'd come home she'd have a new name for me what she got out of a novel. She could write poetry, but I don't think that brung on the consump tion, though." "She was your last?" "Yet bet I'm not in the market any more. Retired from the manying busi ness, so to speak. She read all about Blue Beard, and was terribly uneasy about goin' before me," he continued. "Any flowers for tho grave of your second wife?" "She was a strong-minded woman, talked about woman's sphere and all that. Hated flowers bad. Why, she killed my first wife's canary, sold the second-hand organ I'd bought, and wouldn't have a flower around her." "Why aro 3ou going to put flowers on her grave now?" "Not for love. Not much. I never could call my soul my own when she lived. I had to consult her about what pants I should put on ever inornin'." "Still, 3ou will decorate her grave?" "I do it for spite. When she lived I didn't spite her. O, no. When I put these flowers on her grave I know it'll make her turn in her grave with anger. Not for love, just for spite." The man tucked up his box under his arm and got out The conductor came in and hung to the strap as he &aid: "I suppose that fellow that got out was doing some more of his lym'. I seen him talkin' to vou. He's the biggest liar on Long Island. He's a sort of bum that works for a nurser3r man down here. Although he's rode on this car a hundred times no always stuffs the passengers with differ ent tales." "He told me he has three wives buried." "Three grandmothers. The fellow never had but one wife, and she left him long ago. Them flowers belong to his boss, the nursery man." "How he could slander women as he did," ejaculated the thin lady passenger as she wiped the Must from her brow with a black-bordered silk handker chief. N. Y. World. Roughing It. More than once have tales of per sonal experience been told which con vince us that life in the backwoods of Canada has hardships greater than those very severe ones of our own pioneers. It is difficult to decide which is more distressing to see, the rough ness and toughness of the successful settlers, or the heroic vain courage of delicatel3r-bred niea and women who have mistakenly left the society where alone they could be of any use. There was a gentleman who went out from England with his wife aad ohild and two servants to undertake tne clearing of a farm m the remote forests of Canada. He writes of their house building and housekeeping in the Corn hill Magazine. First he cleared half an. acre of land, and summoned his neigh bors to help raise a log house, accord ing to the custom. He had. to supply whisky, and they all got furiously drunk. The house consisted of four walls with openings, where "the logs were crooked, large enough for a dog to jump through. The roof was of "scooped out" timbers, and let in the rain. The floor was of split (not sawed) planks, and had holes wide enough to put 3'our foot in, boot and all. The crevices of the wall were stuffed with grass, moss and mud. From first to last, he sa3Ts, it cost him the price of a decent house, and was a sort of open shed. Housekeeping be gan. The man-servant whom they brought with them looked about for one day and disappeared, and may now, for aught his old master knows, "be President of the American Republic, or member of (Cana dian) Parliament." The woman-servant, after three or four days, could not resist the innumerable offers of mar riage she received. So the wife had to do the cooking for the family, and for half a dozen to a dozen men-servants. The3' all slept in one room. The men stretched themselves out on the floor before the fire, not undressing at night nor washing ever. The emigrantfamily slept behind a shawl on a two-story bed, built of poles nailed to the sides and roof of the house, father and mother above and child beneath. The food was bread, tea and salt pork. There was a mutiny among the men on account of tho bread, for the poor lady did not know how to make it. It was as heavy as lead, as dark as oatmeal, and had to be cut with an ax. Poor lady! how she cried and sighed and did her best, but over and over again this cold plum pdd ding without sugar or raisins, figured o our board, or rather trestles. At last she got hints and-made a regular "hop rising" with dried hops and hot water; and her bread became palatable, to out infinite relief and the benefit of .their health. The pork and flour soon ran short, which forced him to go to the nearest store, about thirty-five miles away, over a road that was no road at all. His wife was left alone all night with the back woodsmen, and, coming home, tha wagon tipped over and the whole load of flour-bags and pork-barrels was pitched on to the man. Thiswas, as ha truly says, more dangerous than being in battle. They got no game to eat, excepting for a short time of the year. From salt pork, milk, butter, eggs, and bread and tea, they came down to bread, milk nd tea, and then the milk gave out. At the end of six years they came to the bread and tea plain. Then they for sook house, land and all their little property and drove their horses back to Ottawa. The ticket boxes used by our rail road general agents and at all our offices were 'invented in 1840, and there has beau no improvement made on taent tice.-N. Y. Her Mid. The White Grab. It may seem unnecessary to call at tention to so common an insect as the white grub. Yet a summer never passes without complaint from one or another quarter of the destruction which the white grub causes. The fact that it is so common and so destructive warrants a consideration of it It is commonly known that the so-called June bug or dor bug is the adult or beetle form of the white grub. This beetle may be often seen in summer flying about the rooms just at dusk, if the doors and windows hare been left open, and the presence of a few in such a place means that there ore larger numbers at no erreat distance off upon bushes or trees. Some have thought the beetle itself per fectly harmless, but its presence on various trees in the night-time will ac count for the dropping of the foliage which is without apparent cause, as it would seem. Yet the damage they do in this state is but small as compared with what they may have already done in the larval state. The female insect burrows into the ground soon after pair ing, when she deposits about fifty eggs and then dies. The young grub hatches out in about a month or so and does not attain much size or do much damage the first 3ear. But look out for it the sec ond! Woe to the young shoots of corn, grass, lettuce, cabbage, strawberries, potatoes and the garden flowers, when it attacks them! Working near the surface it cuts off" the young, tender shoot and the plant of course, withers and dies. Dig down now as soon as the wilting is discovered and, if it bo soon after the plant was cut, the stealthy eneni3' will be found. It is then a good time to "stamp out" the plague. The grub becomes full grown in the third or fourth 3'ear and then hns a smooth, greasy or dirty-white appear ance. It changes into a beetle some time in May or June. The question ma3 arise, will it do to haul manure upon the garden or field containing such grubs as are somotimes found there? This is another insect alto gether, although not dissimilar in ap pearance, and can do no harm, as it feeds wholly on decayed vegetable mat ter. It is the grub known as the muck worm. Remedies: The beetle of the de structive white grub is commonly capt ured b3 setting several lanterns in places where "they most do congre gate," and over a tub containing water. They are attracted by tho light, and flying against the lanterns, they are thrown into the water beneath and drowned. The grub is a hard iusect to fight You don't know where to look for him until the cutting process is all over. But wherever and whenever one is found, kill him on the spot. Nature, too, has favored the farmer b3 giving certain insects and birds to assist him in his warfare on the grub. No doubt the much-abused crow is as often in search of his "grub" in the corn-field as he is for corn, 3Tet like some remedies for human ailment, the medicine is as bad as the disease. There are certain vegetable parasites likewise that prey upon (he grub, and when such are found do not dcstro them as the3T ma3r be of much assistance later. Among the animal enemies of this insect is the skunk, which, if allowed, will dispose of large numbers. Sjjring field (Mass.) Republican. The True Art of Haymaking. In cloud3' weather grass dries but slowly and is liable to be stacked or housed without sufficient curing. Therefore the wisdom, when practica ble, of cutting meadows in fair weather. The precaution should also be observed of cutting only so much grass at one time as can be properly handled. Grasses dry much more rapidly if cut after the morning dew is oft than they will if cut when the mowing is done. Rapid drying is an absolute necessity when tho" best quality of hay is desired. There is nothing that assists in quick curing more than a good tedder; farmj ers who have much grass to harvest will do well to provide themselves with so valuable an implement The true art of hay-making consists in curing grass just up to the pbint at which it will do to put into tho barn, and no more, in order to arrest the loss of sugar and starch at the earliest pos sible moment Grass quickly cured is, other things being equal, more nutri tious than grass longer exposed to shift ing winds and scorching sunshine. Some farmers consider one good hay day sufficient in which to expose the grass before being housed, while others require Iwo, even three, days. Some prefer to let it lie on the ground just as it was left by the mower; others cure it' in the windrow, and still others cure it in the cock. This difference of practice in the method of curing results chiefly from the difference existing in the curing Suality of the various grasses. Timo-13-, for instance, cures more readily than herds-grass, while the common grasses require still longer time than tne herds-grass. Timothy will dry suf ficiently in one day if the weather be propitious. During the early part of the season two day's are usually- required for uroDerlv curine- heaw crass. Later. when the grass is nearly ripo it can be cured in one day. Clover contains more water than other grasses, consequently it requires a longer time to cure it properly. Curing is better accomplished in the cock than in the sun, for the succulent leaves and tender blossoms of clover, if exposed to the scorching heat are quickly browned and lose their sweetness. Pre vious to storing in the barn, the cock ought to be turned over and exposed long enough to -drv the hay which lies close to the ground. Clover, as it lies scattered by the mower, will be injured if the dew falls upon it. Clover hay will not shed rain,' and hence when stacked out in tho fields should be protected either with patent covers, thatching, or a thick top covering of wheat straw. Great care should be exercised in properly forming the cocks, in view of wet weather, when meadow hay is to remain in the cocks for an indefinite time. First of all, do not make the cocks too large, and let them be as sharp at the top as possible, with the sides nearly perpendicular, and finally provide them with cloth caps. N. T. World. The odor of flowers sometimes comes from the petals, as, for instance, from the petals of the rose. The petals or floral leaves of the rose give out an odor long after they have been gathered. This is not the case with most flowers. A recent writer has called attention to the fact that the sweetest carnation is odorless soon after it is cut, as are most of the sweet flowers used in cut flower work. The mignonette and heliotrope were supposed to be exceptions, but as these continue to open new flowers when cut and placed in water, it is probable the odor comes only from the opening blossoms. N. Y. Independent. m Breaded Eggs: Boil hard and cut in thick round slices. Pepper and salt; dip each in beaten raw egg, then in fine bread-crumbs or powdered cracker, and fry in nice dripping or butter, very hot. Drain off ev.ery drop of grease, and serve on a hot dish. Have ready some veal rvy or chicken broth, heat to boiling a saucepan with a little chopped parsley, salt, pepper, and three table spoonfuls of cream to a cup of broth. Boil up and pour smoking hot over the eggs, serving for the table in a covered dish. Boston Transcript. rin some parts of Siberia a wife coata eigptfdpgs. FARM AND FIRESIDI. If the harrow were drawn through when young over one-half the turnip fields the final yield would be one-third more. Prairie Farmer. A little oxalic acid put in the water in which you wash, your hands will re move the stains caused by cutting pota toes. Lemon juice will take away berry stains. N. Y. Times. -Giving the pigs a little charcoal oc casionally corrects acidity of the stomach and insures a healthy condi tion. If charcoal is not at hand, give charred cinders of the stove coal. Chicago Journal. Vinegar sauce: One and a half cups of sugar, one and a half table spoonfuls of flour in a little water, two table-spoonfuls of vinegar, a quarter of a grated nutmeg, and a pinch of salt Over this pour one and a half pints of boiling water and boil ten minutes. Just before taking from the stove add one desert spoon of butter. The House hold. How to detect bad eggs: Dissolve 120 grammes of common salt in a litre of water. An egg put in this solution on the day it is laid will sink to the bottom; one a day' old will not reach quite to the bottom of the vessel; an egg three days old will swim on the surface. This is an old recipe, but it is worth re tuemberinsr. Boston Post. An eas3T way to make pretty white dresses for small children is to make the upper part of white goods which is woven in such a way that it has the ap pearance of insertion and of puffs; the bottom may be a ruffle of Hamburg. These dresses are so easily ironed and it takes so little time to make them that the3'are highly recommended,-. Y. Post. It is a creditable state of mind which impels one to always buy the best, but the highest-priced things aro not always so. For some kinds of cook ing a moist brown sugar is preferable to the best white. In soft gingerbread this is especially true. Then for ginger snaps and cake and bread the old dark molasses is preferred by all good cooks to the best Now Orleans. It is im possible to make ginger-snaps both crisp and 3et tender without this. N. T. Examiner. The MassacJiusctls Ploughman says that "every orchardist should be urged to destroy the small apples as fast as the3' drop, and to try to catch tho moths as the;' ascend the tree to lay eggs for a second crop of worms, for it is the second crop more than tho first crop that does the injury'. To catch the moths a band of cotton around the trunk of the tree near the branches will do good, if frequent examinations are made, and the moths killed. No doubt the most effectual and probably the cheaper way to get rid of the codling moth is to turn pigs enough in tho orchard to eat the apples as fast as they drop." The Secret of Success in Farming. The success which a man achieves in life cannot be measured entirely by tho amount of money he accumulates; were this the case, success in agricultural would be far below that of mercantile, commercial or speculative pursuits, in these (as in lotteries) the many blanks and failures make the few prizes and millionaires. It would be narrow-minded to claim for agriculture all that enthusiasts do wheif they say that in it only can per fect development of mind and body be attained, or that farmers are of more importance to commerce and the trades than these to thenf? still, the fact re mains that man, with his wonderful physical, mental and moral composi tion, cannot maintain and reproduce his full powers in the artificial existence which he leads in a city, or in a seden tary life. Without the country, cities could not continue; the health, tho strong body so essential to the sound mindf is furnished by recruits from the sons of the soil. Mother Earth gives the vitality which no artificial means can supply, and the grandson of tho country boy who goes to the city and makes his fortune is, nine times in ten, the clerk of some other country boy who has come with his bundle on his back, but with the vim in him which soon leaves far behind his enfeebled city con temporary. From these facts we argue that life and success in the country are more comprehensive, and are far be yond mere money making. While in this busy world, whether in town or country, on land or sea, each has his duty to perform, and many minds make willing hands at all times, still he is most blest, and has the full scope of happiness and life before him, who makes all that he can make of a coun try home. For the race depends not only for health and energy, but for morals, truth, integrity, purity and re ligion, upon the influences around its rural firesides. A young man beginning the business of life on a farm, should have a little capital, not too much just enough to give him heart to work. He encounters and overcomes difficulties, improves his farm, his stock, his buildings, and is not neglectful of his own moral and mental culture; his gains, though slower han those of his city brother appear to .be, are far more sure, and his chances of future almost none; he may be cer tain that if he sows with perseverance, he will finally reap; he lends a help ing hand when circumstances will per mit, and sees as he goes, that his own prosperity is identical with that of hi" community and his country'; he feels that he is a responsible factor in th general good. He is somewhat con servative; the contact of the land seems to develop conservatism; he and his fel lows are the great political balance wheel, which does not let the engine, of the State respond too quickly to th: fiery effervescent heat which may flame forth in the nervous city centers. After a while, independence crowns his ef forts, and he moves on in life toward its close, active and interested in every thing; glad, not jealous, of the pros perity of bis neighbors; large-hearted, loving his fellow-men, and in turn be loved and respected by them. If he does these things, and thus fills the measure of a man, he has succeeded, and his success has brought a content ment and a peace that hoarded millions could not give. Charles F. Kirk. ' The Petroleum Fields of the World. "Nearly all the petroleum that goes into the world's commerce is produced in a district of country about a hundred and fifty miles long, with a varying breadth of from one to twenty miles, lying mainly in the State of Pennsyl vania, but lapping over a little on its northern edge into the State of New York. This region yielded, in 1881, 26,950,813 barrels, and in 1882, 31,398, 750 barrels. A little petroleum is ob tained in West Virginia, a little at vari ous isolated points in Ohio, and a little in the Canadian province of Ontario. There is also a small field in Germany, a larger one,, scantily developed, m Southern Russia, and one still larger, perhaps, in India. The total produc tion of all the fields, outside of the. region here described, is but a small fraction in the general account how ever, and has scarcely an appreciable influence upon the market Further more, the oil of these, minor fields, whether in America or the Old World, is of an inferior quality, and so long as the great Pennsylvania reservoir holds out can only supply a local demand U the vicinity of the wells." E. V. BmaU ley, in the Century. The Salt Lake Herald believes thai chy i to become a great railroaoyoe SCHOOL AND CHURCH. Tho school authorities of St. Louis, after a Ion" discussion, have decided not to abolish corporal punishment in public schools. St. Louis Globz. The railroad department of the Y. M. C. A. work last year required an outlay of $75,000, two-thirds of which was subscribed by .railroad companies. There are only eight cases of sui cide mentioned in the Bible: Abime lech, Samson, Saul, his armor bearer, Ahithophel, Zimri, Razis and Judas Is cariot Detroit Post. Dr. Jennie Trout of Toronto, Canada, a member of the Woman's Christian Temperance Union, has do nated $10,000 to that city to establish a medical school for women. Fermented wine has been banished from the communion tables of all the Methodist and Baptist churches in Chi cago, and of all the Congregational churches except two. Chicago News. Prof. Charles E. Anthon, who for thirty years was Professor of English History in the College of the City of New York, died of a complication of diseases at Bremen a few days ago. Wellesley College has "a beautiful room named in honor of Mrs. Brown ing, and containing Story's bust of tho poet and tho manuscript of her poem, "Little Mattio." This manuscript was the gift of Robert Browning. The Providence (R. I.) Journal re vives the story that, when Brown Uni versity conferred the LL. D. on its benefactor, Mr. John Carter Brown, tho modest gentleman exclaimed on hear ing the news: "What! Aftor all I have done for them!" The number of students in tho Presbyterian Theological Semiuaries during the past year is as follows: Princeton, 12a; Union, 129; Allegheny, 74; Auburn, 42; Lane, 36; Chicago, 27; Danville, 7; San Francisco, 6; making a total of 44i). Good advice was given to the grad uating class at Allegheny Theological Seminary when Dr.Wilsousaid: "Youug geutlemen, study Hebrew roots, pore over Greek verbs, read Latin, aud, if you have time and desire, trauslate an cient hciroglyphies; but I charge 3011 when 3ou go into the pulpit to preach the Gospel to use plain Anglo-SaKon." Philadelphia Press. John Wesley once wrote to one of his followers a letter, which contained a bank note and the text: "Trust in the Lord and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt bo fed." His follower replied that he had often been struck with the beauty of tho text but had never seen such useul ex pository notes on it before. Some of the Hindus believe in 8, 400,000 successive varieties of existence for each mortal after death. How they arrive with exactness at this number is not definitely known by our theologians. The great question which just now agi tates our theologians is whether there is or is not a state of probation after death, in which a sinful soul ma3' repent. Au thorities on this point seem to be strangely mixed. N. Y. Sun. PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS. A time-honored court-room -The front parlor. N. Y. News. A shopkeeper having had a stormy discussion with his better half, put the shutters up and affixed tho following notice: "Closed during altercations." Brooklyn Eagle. If you should find a diamond as big as a lemon no one would buy it of you at its truo value and you would be miserable. Don't find one larger than a marble. Detroit Free Press. Of the three cyclones in Michigan this year none of them has carried a cook-stove seven miles and tenderly sat it down at the back door of some poor but worthy widow. Exchange. The spelling reform mania which raged a short time since has passed away, and the man who spells cow with a k can no longer pass for a Greek scholar. Philadelphia Chronicle. The crier in a village announced to tho inhabitants by proclamation that the dirt must be immediately removed from the streets, or otherwise the parish authorities would take it into their own hands. Chicago Tribune. In digging a canal across Florida it is found that tne work will not require any locks. And even if it was full-of locks and the locks wouldn't work, they could send out and get tho Florida Keys. Pittsburgh Telegraph. "Woman's rights!" exclaimed a Philadelphia man, when tho subject was broached: "What more rights do they want? My wife bosses me, our daughters boss both, and tho servant girl bosses the whole family. It's time the men were allowed some rights." Philadelphia News. School committeman (examining a scholar) "Where is the north pole?" "I don't know, sir." "Don't know? Are you not ashamed that you don't know where the north pole is?" "Why, sir, if Sir John Franklin, and Dr. Kane, and Captain Do Long couldn't find it, how should I kuow where it is?" Chicago Times. A New York editor recently sold some of his oil paintings and bric-a-brac, the sale aggregating about $100, 000. An editor's art treasures accu mulate so rapidly that he is obliged to have a clearance sale now and then especially if he wants to spend a mouth or two at Newport "or Long Branch. Norristown Herald. "Then, if I understand you," said a merchant to a enstomer, "you do not intend to pay me the amount you owe." "Your understanding is correct cap'n." "And you call yourself an honest man, do you?" "Yes, sir. If I were not honest I would tell you that I intend to pay; but, being honest, I do not wish to deceive you." Arkansaw Traveler. Heard in the suburbs: "Good morninff, Mr. Blank. Pa told me to bring back your snow-shovel, which ho borrowed last fall, and says ho will bo very much obliged if you will lend him your spade and rake and wheelbarrow. He says he will send the spade back in time to borrow your lawn mower." Philadelphia News. m True Ecoaomy. A day or two since a Detroit woman called at police headquarters and gave notice that her son, a young man of soventeen, had suddenly disappeared 'and she had reason to think he had been drowned. "Where do you think he was drowned?" asked the clerk. "Well, I think it was off the foot of St. Aubin Avenue." 'We will send an officer to investi gate and, perhaps, drag the river." "O, thank you, sir," she said, but as she continued to hang around the of fice the clerk finally asked if she wan ted anything further. "About how much will it cost to find if my son was drowned and to drag for the body?" "It won't cost you anything," ma dam. "But how much will it cost the city?" "O, I suppose the timfe might be estimated at three dollars." "I was thinking, sir I was thinking if it wouldn't be cheaper for the city to give me that amount in cash and not take any steps at all, for I shouldn't a bit wonder if Henry ran away to To ledo and is all right! Three dollars is quite a sum to a poor widow like me. Indeed, Pd take two dollars and sign a receipt in full!" Henry's body hasn't been dragged for yet Detroit Free Press. GRAJSTD TRIPLE TRAIN EXCURSION TO WASHINGTON, BALTIMORE, HARPEK'S FERRY, LURAY CAVERNS, MT. VERNON, FORTRESS MONROE, OLD POINT COMFORT, AND OTIIEU l'OINTS OF Scenic and Historic Interest FROM CHICAGO OVKR Picturesque J Q At the Komurktibh Low Kate of HALF FARE Or oiif rciMihir f:iio for tin- Uouni! trip from Chic-iyo to Italtimnn-uml return. SEPTEMBER 10TH. Fir,L train leaving Chicago at S:."i0 in the iiiuriiMig. Second train leavinir Chicago at .": 10 in the afternoon. Third train leaving Chicago at !: 10 in the evening. All tlioe lrain departing from Chicago at Mich hours as to enahle direct connec tion from the tr-iins arriving in Chicago on the Chicago, Kock Inland & 1'aeilic, the Chicago X- Alton, the Chicago, Iturling ton & Qiiiney. the Wahash. the Chicago, Milwaukee v St. liu!. the Chicago ,v. Northwestern, the Illinois Central, and all other lines from the NORTHWEST AND SOUTHWEST. NO CHANGE OF CARS OK ANY CLASS I'KOM Chicago to Baltimore and Washington. ELEGANT NEW DAY COACHES, Magnificent Palace Sleep ing Cars. Superb New Dining Cars, 3ROYAL 1 RAINS AND Lightning Time. The Baltimore &. Ohio Y.mpany has de termined to make these tiijde trains the grandest Excursion event in railroad annals, and to this end will call into play all Ihe 01101 lnous resource of its great system. "The date of the Excursion i& most hap pily timed, enabling all who ; articipate to attend the rein irkahle series of OltlOLE FESTIVITIES j.'r itAiritUoiti:. Embraced in the brilliant aud unprece dented programme, is one night of Un paralleled ELECTRICAL DISPLAYS And another night of Wondrous MYSTIC PAGEANTRY! NEVER EQUALED IN THE WORLD. On the Electric Night, Lord Baltimore will arrive in the Harbor of Italtimore upon one of the tin est steamers alloat, and which will literally be a blaze of electri cal illumination. The Uoyal Steamer will be escorted up the harbor by irom sixty to eighty tug boats, four abreast, and each carrying electric lights in vari ous colors. From all sides of the harbor Fire-Works in great profusion will be discharged from special barges stationed for such purpo.se, aud the spectacle as a whole will be an unprecedented one. Arriving in the city. Lord Italtimore, his Courtiers, Household aud Qlticers will be escorted to the City Hall by a most novel .Military Parade a thousand sol diers covered with Electric Lights in din'ercnt colors; horses with electrical plumes, and the whole city presenting a scene simply indescribable. 0 PACEArVT aitiHT, Another remarkable spectacle will be witnessed, and etleets produced never before attempted in any city of the world. The parade will be the grandest in ex tent known in the history of mystic pageantry. The costumes, "all entirely new, were made in Paris, and bevond all comparison the finest ever imported to this eountrv. The unparalleled number of Forty Tableau Floats will be in line, and will be larger and more imposing in construction than ever before known. Some conception of the amazing extent of the pageant may be gleaned from the fact that upwards of thirteen hundred men, two hundred and thirty horses, six bands, and six hundred carried lights are required to place it upon the streets. No advance will be made in the usual rates for hotel accommodations, either in Italtimore or Washington, visitors being enabled to stop in either city, the Haiti more and Ohio running FIFTY-llI'U'l-l-: 'ritAIXS between tne two cities. Trains run at least every hour. HARPERS l'KKKY Is directly upon the line oi the It. & O., only a little over two hours' run from Baltimore and one hour from "Washington. The old John Brown Fort still stands. As all the parades, displays and Pageants at Italtimore take place at night, there will be abundant opportunities to visit Harper's Ferry. OLU l'OIIVX t'OMFOKT AND FORTRESS MONROE Are but one night's sail from Italtimore or Washington on Magnificent Steamers. Excursionists so choosing can take the Bay Line Steamers at Baltimore, witness the grand electrical and pyrotechnical y display in tne naroor, arrive at uiu J'oint Comfort and Fortress 3Ionroe eaily the following morning, spend the day aud be back in Baltimore again bright and early on the morning of the night of the great Mystic Pageant. jiourvr ver.o Is but a few hours' ride on the'lmtoric Potomac from Washington. Splendid Steamers leaving every morning and re turning during the afternoon. LURAY CAVERNS, The most famous of all the subterranean wonders of the country, are readily with in a day's time from Washington or Bal timore. Special fast Excursion Trains, making the round trip, with four hours at the caverns, which are now lighted throughout by Electricity. WAsiiraciToiv, Ever a place of greatest Interest to all, never looks jnore beautiful to thcoenr offers more inducements for a viit than during the lovely weather always the rule in September. The It. ,t O. is the only direct line from the West to AVasb ington, and the only line running Fifty-Minute Trains BKTWKEN WASHINGTON and BALTIMORE. No such an opportunity for a visit tit the most attractive centres of interest in the East and South has been ottered for years as this Grand Triple Train Trip. Write for full details and all informa tion as regards Sleeping Car and other accommodations to T. H. DEAEB0RH , General North- Western JPassenger Agent, Baltimore & Ohio H. Ji. 16-4 3 Clark Street, Chicago, 111. EASTWARD. Daily Etproes Trains for Onialin, Cnl rago, Kausa City, St. Louis, aud all points East. Throucb cars via IVorlu'fai linliun npolis. Elegant Pullman l'alucv C;us aud Day conches on all through trnius. aud Dining far. cast of Missouri llivor. Through Tickets p.t tbo Lowest Kates aro on sale at all tho important station, and bacRujo will bo checked to destination. Any information as to rates, routes or tiuio tables wiU bo cheerfully furnished uioa application to any npont, or to 1. S. irUSTIS, General Ticket Agent, Omaha. Nob. NOTICE! Chicago Weekly News -AND S0L7UB7S, ir.i. sonui FOR $2.50 a Year Postage Included. The OHIOAGO WEEKLY NEWS is recognized as a paper unsurpassed in all the requirements of American 'Journalism. It stands conspicuous among the metropolitan journals of the country as a complete News-paper. In the matter of telegraphic service, having the advantage of connection with the CHICAGO DAILY NEWS, it has at its com mand all the dispatches of the Western Associated Press, besides a very extensive service of Special Telegrams irom all important points. As a News-paper it has no supe rior. It is INDEPENDENT in Politics, presenting all political news, free from partisan, bias or coloring, and absolutely without fear or favor as to parties. It is, in the fullest sense, a FAMILY PAPER. Each issue contains several COM PLETED STORIES, a SERIAL STORY of absorbing interest, and a rich variety of condensed notes on Fashions, Art, Indus tries, Literature, Science, etc., etc. Its Market Quotations are complete, and to be relied upon. It is unsurpassed as an enterprising, pure, and trustworthy GENERAL FAMILY NEWSPAPER. Our special Clubbing Terms bring it within the reach of all. Specimen copies may be seen at this officer Send subscriptions to this office. 1870. 1883. TIIK aluti(bus ouniiil la conducted as a FAMILY NEWSPAPER, Devoted to the bc-st mutual inter, ests of it readers and it publisher.-. 1'iiblished at Columbus. l'latte county, the centre of the agricul tural portionofNebraska.it iread by hundreds of people east who are looking towards Nebraska as their future home. Its subscriber in Nebraska are tho Htauneh, solid portion of the community, .as is evidenced by the fact that the JOUKNAI. has never contained a 'dun" against them, and by the other fact that ADVERTISING In its columns always brings its reward. Business is business, and those who wish to reach the solid people of Central Nebraska will tind the columns of the. Iuuhnai. a splendid medium. JOB WORK Of all kinds neatly and quickly done, at fair prices. This species of printing is. nearly always want ed in a hurry, and. knowing this fact, we have so provided for it that we cai furnish envelopes, let ter heads, bill heads, circular;., posters, etc., etc., on very short notice, and promptly on time as we promise. SUBSCRIPTION. 1 copy per annum $20 " Six months 100 " Three months, f0 Single ropy sent to any address in the United States for 5 cts. M. K. TURNER & CO., Columbus, Nebraska. EVERYBODY Can now afford A CHICAGO DAILY. THE CHICAGO HERALD, All the News every day on four large pages of seven columns each. The Hon. Frank AV. Palmer (Postmaster of Chi cago), Editor-in-Chief. A Republican Daily for $5 per Year, Three mouths, $I..'t0. One month on trial r0 cents. CHICAGO "WEEKLY HERALD" Acknowledged by everybody who has read it to be the best eight-page paper ever published, at the low price of $1 PER TEAR, Postage Free. Contains correct market reports, all the news, and general reading interest ing to the farmer and his family. Special terms to agents and clubs. Sample Copies free. Address, CHICAGO HERALD COMP'Y 120 ami 122 Fifth-av., 4n-tr CHICAGO. ILL ILYON&HEALY I State A Monroe SU..Chicaio. Will Mndjrmid t may aUraa U iler 1543, J0O pap. 310 tatniltK AMD CATUDDUii tor lutnuoMU. saiu, up. sciu, PamMM. EoaaltU. Cas-LaiuP - - - ' - --. -- -: -- . .. Rf.jl Ibnm ifsitw. HtflL. AM u. svnirj nu oowu, ewi nui, afeo laciouw iuukiwi mm .-- f or Amainr mate ud retain ItaulMa , f IJH WESTWARl. Daily Expross Trains for Denver, con necting in Union Depot for all joints in Colorado, Utah, California, and tho cntiro TVet. Tho advent of this lino givpR tho trav eler a Nr Koute to tho "West, with Bceuely miu uu vantages uucquoiieu eisowucro. THE- Special Announcement! REDUCTION IN PRICE. We oiler the .louic.wu. in combination with the American Agriculturist, the best farmers iiiaL'a.iiie in the world, for ?3 a year, which includes postage on both. IN ADDITION, we will send free to ev ery person who takes both papers, a .Magnilicent Plate Engraving of ll'Pi:K last Creat Paintini:, -!. Till: JIKA 1141 W, now on exhibition in New York, jud ollered fur -ale at s.1,O0O. Tne eminent Artist, V. S. CIIIMU II, writing to a friend in the coiinln last October, thus alludes to this Picture: ' I was delighted this morning to see offered as a Premium a reprodm lion of a very beautiful Picture, " IN Till: .MKAlJoWV'l.y Dupre. This Picture is an Educator " This superb engraving I7'j by 12 inches, exclusive of icide border, is a orth more than the cost of both .lournal-t. It is mounted on heavy Plate Paper, and sint securely packed in Tubes made express! for the purpose. When to be mailed, Iti cents evtra is required for Packing, Post age, etc. USfSubscriptions may beirin at any time, and the Agriculturist furnished in German or English. D YOU WANT THE BEST Illustrated Weekly I'a'er , M published? If so, 311b- scribe for The Weekly Grmpklo. It contains four pages of illmtrations and eight pa; of reading matter. It is terse. It is vigorous. It is clean and healthy. It gives all the news. Its homa department is full of choice literature. Fanning interests receive spe cial and regular attention. It treaU inde pendently of politics and aflairs. During the year it gives over 200 pages of illustra tions, embracing every variety of subject, from tho choicest art production to the customs, manners and noteworthy incident and everyday scenes of every eople ; ami Cartoons upon events, men ami measure. Try it a year, subscription price ?2.50 a year. Sample copies and terms to agents, 5 cents. Address THE WEEKLY GRAPHIC , 182 & 184 Dearborn Street, Chicaoo. Wo offer The "Weekly Graphic hi Club with The Columbus Journal For ?.'J.90 a year in advance. LUERS & HOEFELMANN TV DKAI.KKS IN CHALLENGE WIND MILLS, AND PUMPS. Buckeye Mower, combined, Self Binder, wire or twine. Pnmps Repaired on short notice I2r0nc door west of HeintzN Drm Store, 11th Street, Columbus Neb. s REST not, life U sweeping by. go and dare before you die, something mijrhtv and tublime leave behind comiuer time. ?" a week in your own own. outtit free. No risk. Every thing new. Capital not rei-uirrd. We will furnish you eery thing. Many are making fortunes. Ladies make a much as men, and boys and girls make great pav. Header, if you want business at which you can make great pay all the time, write for particulars to II. IIallktt & Co.. Portland, Maine. ai-y rfr)C A week made at home by the L J industrious. Best business D I fy now before the public. Capital not needed. Wo will start you. Men, women, boys and girls want ed everywhere to work for us. Now is the time. You can work in spare time.or give your whole time to the business. No other business will pav you nearly as well. No one can fail to make enormous, pa)', by engaging at once. Costly outfit and terms free. Money made fast, easily and honorably. Address Trtjk & Co., Augusta, Maine. 31-y. J