I"1 i"t T
-:
I
THE JOURNAL.
WEDNEbDAY, JULY ID, 1882.
Istirsi st ti r::w:8, C:lsbrs. Ho':.. : :e:ai
cbr; saittr.
THE PRAISE OF GOOD DOCTORS.
The best of all the pill-box crew,
Since ever tine bejran.
Are the doctors who have most to do
With the health of a hearty man.
And bo I count them up ajraln
And praise them as I can;
There's Dr. Diet,
And Dr. Quiet,
And Dr. Merryman.
There's Dr. Diet, ho tries my tongue.
"1 know you well," says he:
"Your stomach is poor and your liver ia
sprung.
We must make your food agree."
And Dr. Quiet, he feels my wrist
And he gravely shakes hfs head,
"Now, now, dear sir, I must insist
That you go at ten to bed."
But Dr. Merryman for me
Of all the pill-box crew!
For he smiles and says, as he fobs his fee:
"Laugh on, whatever you do!"
So now I eat what I ought to eat.
And at ten I go to IkhI,
And I laugh in the face of cold or beat;
For thus have the doctors said!
And so I count them up again,
And praise them as I can:
There's Dr. Diet,
And Dr. Quiet.
And Dr. Merryman!
S. If. Sufield, in X. Y. Independent.
AS ARK OF SAFETY.
ffce
Bell at tit. John' A Starr of the
treat Flood.
For many days the rain had fallen in
ceaseless, heav- torrents, and from every
direction came now the brooks and
streams rushing with unwonted swift
ness, and sending up a deep, hoarse
murmur, which was but as a musical
echo to the voice of the mighty, swollen
rivers.
In the little town of Chesterbrook
there was every cause for the anxiety
and alarm increasing hourly: already
was the giant Mississippi, near which the
village lay, at its greatest height known
at that point, and stealthily encroaching
nearer and nearer upon the main street,
while the inhabitants dwelling farther
back were thankful for the natural rise
in the land placing them in a safer
position.
"Is not the river very high, grand
father, asked Ruth Hoy n ton, a timid ac
cent faltering in her tone.
She was a young girl of fifteen 3'cars,
busied at the time with preparations for
the evening meal, but pausing now as
she spoke to look toward her grandfather
as he sat beside the window in his large
chair, looking anxiously without.
lluth came nearer to him, laying her
hand on his shoulder.
"IIiums it lint loo!.- virir vnrv liiorli?"
ehe repeated, "and there seem to be so
man' timbers floating on the waves."
"It is, indeed, higher than 1 have ever
seen it in my eighty years, Ruth," an
swered the old man in the voice grown
feeble with age.
"Do 3'ou think the town is in danger,
grandfather?" asked the young girl, a
slight pallor creeping over her face as
she spoke.
"Not to-night, child, not to-night,"
he answered, "and to-morrow may
bring brighter skies; aye, to-morrow,
who knows," he murmured softly to
himself, as Ruth turned away to her
work again, anil the old man folded his
hands and closed his eyes in silent
prayer to the God who rules the storm
and clouds.
Midnight had alread passed in the
thick darkness enshrouding the silent
town, and even the most watchful and
anxious were at hist sleeping heavily,
when suddenly with a confused thun
der of sound rising in crashing din
above the voiee of storm or river, and
seeming to rend heaven anil earth
asunder, the village nestling so peace
fully under the shadow of the hills was
roused to death and destruction.
Restrained no longer by any former
bounds, the relentless stream had broken
everj- barrier, and now amid the des
pairing cries of fated human beings was
Mildly sweeping away every tenement
or building in its widening pathway.
With the first wild alarm, Ruth Royn
ton had started terrified and bewildered
from her bed ami rushed into the ad
joining room to find hergrandfather also
up, groping with the nervous tremor of
age, blindly for a light. In that moment
it scorned as though the old man,
who had been strong for his eighty
years, was transformed into a weak and
timid child.
"What is it, RuthieP" he cried, with
an imploring, piteous glance at the girl
entering with a candle in her hand.
"What can it be, and what, O what
shall we do!"
"It is the river, grandfather," she
answered, hurrying to the door; "the
town is Hooded, and everything is being
swept awav!"
"My (Jod, My God!"cried the old
man, trembling in every limb, " vao
will save us. ana what can do!"
Whether it was the sense of appalling
danger at their very door, or tender pit
even in this terrible moment for her
helpless companion, the young girl
seemed suddenly imbued with a new lie
roic strength, tingling in every nerve;
and with a voice almost steady, she 3aid,
calmly:
" God is still with us grandfather, and
will surely make some way of escape; try
to be strong and trust to his help."
But even as she spoke another fearful
crash, accompanied by piteous shrieks,
told of a nearer catastrophe, and Ruth
impulsively laid a trembling hand on the
old man's arm.
"Come, grandfather," said she, " let
us hasten to the nearest house; they may
be there making some plan or safety and
will help us; and waiting to exchange the
flickering candle for a lantern, the two
helpless ones hurried out into the dark
ness of the uight.
But little were they prepared for the
scene of desolation around them; only
in t lie distance glimmered moving lights
and with the slow progress alone possible
in the feeble condition of her companion
Ruth felt that they could never reach the
far-off help. Onlasmall strip of land
seemed left to them, the river behind
and to the right of them, while on the
left rose the high steep bank. up. which
her active feet might have climlied, but
never the old man In her side: and not
once did the thought of escape apart
from him enter the brave girl's mind.
With a heart beating wildly with fear,
Ruth raised her eyes to the cloud-covered
ky, half breathing a prayer for aid,
while the trembling one beide her
uttered a helpless groan. Suddenly a
ray of hope quickened her senses. A
little higher up on the left, somewhat
elevated above the path before them,
stood the old church untouched as yet
by the water, looking in silent pitv upon
the scene of destruction surroumliug it.
It was possible that safety might be
found there; even though the waves
should reach it, might not the strong
foundation on which it had stood so long
prove invincible? '
"The church, grandfather, the
church!" cried Ruth, in tones of hope
and encouragement. "Surely we will
be safe there;" and the next moment
they were hurrying over the short space
intervening, and finding but a feeble re
sistance in the old lock, they soon stood
within the silent church.
Was it that the soothing spirit of
prayer still hovered like incense about
the place, or was it the thought of the
ever-abiding presence of God in this his
house, that seemed to impart a sudden
calm to the weary old man? Silently he
sank within one of the old-fashioned
pews; and here, ah, yes, here, he could
die peacefully if such were God's wilL
The lantern gave but a feeble light in
toe great room; but thankful for even
this mitigation of the darkness, Ruth
placed it near, and with loving, tender
care knelt beside her grandfather, still
bent on cheering and encouraging him.
"I think we are surely safe here,
grandpapa," said she, nestling close to
him in her old childlike way, feeling
now, having doue all that she could, a
sudden longing for com fort and support.
14 1 trust so, my child," answered the
old man, in a tone so strong and calm
that it surprised as much as it comforted
the young girL " God has surely guided
and sustained you in this hour of dan
ger, and we are now in His hands; he will
save or take us to himself as he sees
best"
A deep silence fell upon them, then, a
trembling, prayerful silence on Ruth's
part, for nearer and nearer came the
sound of the rushing water, while a great
sense of desolation crept over her.
Suddenly a cold dampness seemed to
pervade the room, and the next moment
a perceptible tremor passed over the
building, causing the young girl to spring
to her feet and clasp her arms about her
grandfather, trembling violently.
Quickly and firmly ne drew her closer
to him, pressing her tenderly to his
breast
" Be brave, my child," he said in a
voice subdued, but calm; " the hour of
danger has come, but God is with us
still?'
Again and again came that quiver
through the old building, while around
it could be-distinctly heard the splash of
waves; then came one convulsive throe,
that seemed violently wrenching timber
from timber, and with a rocking, reel
ing motion the old church, with its liv
ing inmates, was washed from its foun
dations, and floated away on the bosom
of the angry stream.
Almost unconscious from fright, Ruth
lay on her grandfather's breast; but as
the movement became more regular and
steady, she raised her pale face and
whispered:
" Grandpapa, are we really floating?"
Yes, my child, like the ark of old,"
answered her grandfather. "We are
adrift, and Gou only knows how long
we may float, or what the end will be.
Let us not murmur at his will; we will
perhaps find many friends who have
gone to-night into the other world."
The girl hid her face again for a
moment, but suddenly a faint, as it were,
far off sound broke the stillness the
sound of a bell feebly, slowly tolling.
Ruth started up. "O, listen, grand
father!" she cried, " it is the bell, the
church bell, tolling with the motion of
the waves!"
The oltl man started, listening intently
also, and a tear moistened his eye, trick
ling .slowly down his furrowed cheek.
"Aye, child, it is the old bell of St
John's, that has rung out many a chime.
It is tolling now its long hist message
tolling its own knell, and the knell of
the many that to-night have passed
away."
But to Kuth the familiar sound, solemn
and sad as it- was, seemed to bear a
message of lifeaud hope; and, with her
young face all aglow, she started once
again to her feet exclaiming:
" Grandfather, I know wnatl will do!
I will climb the belfry stair, and hang
the lantern from its high window, and 1
will send out such a peal from the good
old bell that help, I am sure, must
come."
Timid for her safety, where he was
brave for his own, the old man anxiously
tried'to dissuade her from an effort so
perilous at this hour of darkness ; but
scarce waiting for permission, Ruth had
already darted away with the lantern,
leaving her grandfather in the solemn
darkness, where he could only wait and
prav, while she was cautiously but
swiftly climbing the belfry stair.
On through the gloom and silence the
old church floated, when suddenly
through the darkness a bright light
sparkled like a beacon star from a light
house tower, and above the din of the
rushing waters, a ringing peal came
forth, awakening the startled echoes
slumbering on the river bank.
"Clang! Clang! Clang!" the sound
seemed almost to dance along the waves,
while the brave girl aloft clung to her
frail support and the old man prayed
below.
The river had now found a oVjeper,
narrower channel, with high dry cliffs
once more on either side, and as that
strange sound rang out amid the storm
and gloom, a group of men with skiffs
moored high peered up the rushing
stream with wondering, awe-struck
faces.
"Egad!" cried one, "it sounds like the
old bell of St. John's ! Can it be the
timbers of little Chesterbrook that have
been floating by to-night?" On came
the pealing sound, and now the starlike
light shone outuponthem. "Asllive!"
cried the same speaker, "it is the old
church ailoat, and that bell could never
ring like that from the motion of the
waves; there are living souls within call
ing for help ! To the rescue, men; out
with the ropes and skiffs!"
Five minutes more and strong, brave
hands were out in the stream, all un
known to the two anxious ones within;
heavy ropes were being securely fast
ened to the old building, and, with the
bell still tolling, the old church was rap
idly towed toward a haven-like break in
the eliffs. And suddenly, with a start
ling shock, it stood still, and with a
frightened, beating heart, Ruth gazed
anxiously from the little window. Could
it be possible! Was that really the bank
on which they were safely moored? And
the lights and moving figures had God
really sent help so soon?
Hastily, swiftly, she descended the
rickety stairs, crying joyfully, "We are
saved, grandfather! thank God, we are
saved!"
A sudden light in the doorway, and
the next moment kindly voices were
breaking the silence. "Lanterns held
high soon revealed the two lonely figures,
and guided by kindly, helpful hands,
Ruth and the old man soon found them
selves by the hospitable firesides of a lit
tie hamlet a short distance back from
the dangerous river. And here they
made new friends and a new home, as
did also more than one of the few who
were picked up and rescued from the
ruius of Chesterbrook. N. Y. Observer.
A Few Inquiries.
Yesterday afternoon a stranger who
was coining up from the Union depot
stepped aside to ask of a man in the door
of a clothing store: "My friend, can
you tell me how far ?"
" Do you want to buy some clothing?"
interrupted the other.
" I guess not I simply wanted to in-
quire now-
.?'"
" I sells you a spring oafercoat for tree
dollar."
" I never wear more than one spring
overcoat at the same time. I wauted to
ask "
" I have some wests for a dollar."
"That's cheap enough, but I don't
care to invest Will you let ask you
how far ?"
"Doan' you vhant some bantloons for
twelve shillings?"
"No."
"Some stockings for ten cents?"
"No."
" Some suspenders for two shillings?"
" No. I wanted to ask "
" I sell vou a hat for sixty cents."
The stanger picked up his satchel and
walked across the street Then, facing
about he shouted out:
" I wanted to ask you how far it was
from Dan to Ber !"
But the clothier drowned him out right
there with:
"Und call and oxamine my under
shirts for forty cents!" Detroit Fret
Press.
Ladies of the highest rank in En
gland are again wearing their hair cut
short and curled. The same style pre
vails in Timbuctoo. Chicago Journal.
A Hungry Han's Experience in London.
This man, this weak, foolish vessel,
went out to breakfast one morning at
ten o'clock. Being a generous and for
giving person, he selected the place
where he had dined the night before.
Some of the shutters were still on the
windows. He went in, however. The
long narrow apartment was full of dust,
the chairs were all piled upon the tables,
and a man was sweeping the dry floor
with a dry broom and the most bewil
dering energy. The prospect was not
firomising, but not altogether cheerless,
t wa3 clear proof that people did some
times sweep in London. The dust was
a little too thick for weak lungs, how
ever, and the stranger went out He
walked to several other restaurants and
couldn't get in at all. So he drifted
back again, reflecting that it was prob
ably a holiday of one kind or another.
By this time the tables were partly cov
ered, and one or two of the waiters had
arrived. The stranger sat down and
looked around. Nobody took the
slightest notice of him, and after awhile
ho rapped for a waiter. Then one of
them came, staring at him un
pleasantly. The American said he
would take breakfast The waiter re
plied that they did not serve anj-thing
until twelve. Everybody breakfasted
at home. WelL yes, he would try and
get something for the gentleman, but it
was against the rules. He departed,
having left this suggestion of an extra
fee. By and by no came back with
fried sole, eggs, coffee, rolls and a chop.
The American ate voraciously, and
called for the bilL His waiter reckoned
it up rapidly in his head at seven shill
ings, or $1.75, and the foolish stranger
paid him a shilling besides. Two or
three days later he discovered that he
had boen overcharged by three shill
ings. Thus it cot him just one dollar
of stealings and fees to learn to eat
breakfast at home. This same man
made a nice row in a restaurant at din
ner one night when he first arrived. He
had been warned to keep on the look
out for overcharges, and by the time
his meal was finished he was in a good
mood for that sort of a thing. He had
arrived in the restaurant at five o'clock,
and had called for a bill of fare. It was
printed on a sheot of paper just the size
of a page of the Chicago News. Half
the items wore in red ink. This indi
cated that they were special dishes for
that da-. He had soup, and ordered
boiled mutton in red ink. The waiter
consulted with the cook, and said the
mutton would be done in three
minutes. The strauger waited. In ten
minutes the waiter came back and said
the cook had concluded not to serve
any more mutton that day. The Amer
ican said he would have a lamb chop
also in red ink. Another consultation,
and another disappointment There
were no lamb chops. Would ho try a
fillet of beef, rare? Yes, he would.
The waiter looked rathor ashamed as he
came back this time. He had no need
to speak. The truth was writteu on his
face. There was no fillet The Amer
ican was angry, but calm. He said:
"Briug me anything you've got in
your measly old ranch. I don't care
what it is. Only don't keep me in sus
pense. I don't want to make up my
mouth for any more things and not get
them. Get me anything j-ou have got"
He received a fair sort of a dinner,
but he was out of sorts all the time. It
is no laughing matter to work one's
imagination up to one thing and get an
other. When it came to making out the
bill you may image how carefully he
watched his man putting down the
items. As the waiter wrote, he talked.
This is how it ran:
" One soup, one radishes and butter,
one new potatoes, one turbot, one steak,
one asparagus, one peas, one Bass'
how many breads?"
"What?"
"How many breads?"
"None of your business.""
"Well, I'll have to charge for two."
"Charge?
bread?"
"Yes, sir.
"Humph!
verv sulkily.
You don't
charge
for
A nenny for each bread."
Well, I "had one." This
" How many butters P"
"Eh?"
"How manv butters?"
"Butters Oh!
ter? Ah! I see.
You charge for but
Two butters. There's
nothing mean about you. Oh, no. Hold
on there. Don't add "her up yet You've
forgotten the salt I had some on my
radishes."
"No charge for salt"
" What? Is there anythingvou don't
charge for in this infernal country? Per
haps you want to tuck it on for that glass
of water I had a mouthful out of.
No? Well, this is simply paralyzing
liberality."
And lie went out muttering. This
actually occurred in a restaurant where
fully five hundred people dine every day.
I know, because I have seen the man. I
see him in the mirror every morning
when I am dressing. London Cor. Chi
cago News.
m t
The Mistake in Buying a Bonnet.
"Now, whoever saw an old-gold
rose!" she cried, appealing to the mir
ror, "or black asters, or brown lilies of
the valley, or poa-green chrysanthe
mums? It's just liko a man! Not the
least idea of taste! And they'll put
anything on to him. Probably some old
things they had left over from last year,
and then stuck them together on a
child's hat and told Jack it was the
latest style! And he believed them, the
ninny! It's just like him! Well, he may
wear it if ho wants to; I sha'n't!"
Jack arrived at this juncture, his face
beaming like a bran-new tin pan in
noonday sunshine. Seeing the millinery
in the hands of his helpmate, he ex
claimed, gleefully:
"So you've got it, Mary! A little
surprise, you know. It's a stunner, ain't
it?'
"I should say it was, Mr. Jack."
It was the tone of these words rather
than their intrinsic intelligence that
caused Jack's face to elongate sud
denly. "Why, what's the matter, Mary?" he
exclaimed, in alarm.
" Matter, Mr. Jack!" returned Mary,
holding the bonnet out at arm's length,
as if it had been a recent occupant of
the small-pox hospital. "Matter, Mr.
Jack!" she repeated; "I should think
you'd ask! Just look at it!"
" Why,' said Jack, beginning to lose
confidence in his ideas on taste, "isn't
it pretty?"
" Pretty!" screeched Mrs. J.
With that she let the millinery fall
from her grasp, and then dropped all in
a heap on the nearest chair and fell to
weeping like a force pump.
It was hard on poor Jack. He had
promised himself no end of pleasure as
the result of his little surprise. "Mary
will be so happy!" he had safd to him
self. "It will come so unexpected, too!
And how she will admire my taste!"
Instead of this, that beautiful bonnet lay
neglected on the floor, and his wife was
on the verge of hysterics!
What was he to do "under these dis
tressing circumstances? Do? What
would any husband do in the presence
of tsars?
" Oh, well, Mary," he said, coaxing
ly, "if it doesn't suit you, of course you
can change it 1 ought to have known
that a man isn't fitted to pick out a bon
net There, dear, don't cry any more;
bnt put on your things anil go right
down to Plushington's and pick one out
yourself. Now don't cry, dear. I've
fit to go to the office; but you'll go to
lushington's right away, won't you.
dear?"
Mrs. Jack's tears gradually dried.
though a PTeat sob every now and then !
showed the terrible anguish which still i
Tent her bosom. She deigned uo au- I
swertohcr lord's entreat'es. excepting
something or other about that "horrid
thing," aud was about to break out
again into fresh weeping, when Jack
begged her again to go to the milliner's
right off, kissed her "hastily, and dis
creetly loft her alone with her grief.
When the door was safely shut behiud
him the truth must be told he did
say something that rhymed with lanib,
but it is certain that "lamb" was not
the word he used.
It was wonderful how quickly Mrs.
Jack recovered from her sorrow. Hard
ly had the street door closed ere she was
herself again. There was now a look
of triumph on her face. Hastily put
ting on her street garments, she shoved
the despised bonnet into the band-box,
and a minute later was on her way to
Plushington's.
It is needless to follow her thither. If
you are a woman, j-ou kuow how a
woman disports herself in a millinery
shop; if a man, the less you know about
such places the better for your peace of
mind.
The next day was Sunday, Easter
Sunday, and as Mrs. Jack walked down
the broad aisle in her new bonnet the
bonnet of her own choice she was su
premely happy. And Jack was happy,
too. to see his spoipe in so heavenly a
frame of mind.
"Well, Ivuni!"
Thus said Mrs. Jack, as she took her
seat; for right in front of her in the
Bangupton pew, there sat Mrs. Bangun
ton the recognized leader in the fasli
ionablc world with a bonnet the very
counterpart of that "horrid thing"
which Jack had sent home as a surprise
to Mrs. J.
Tins is what Mrs. J. "vummed"
about
There were the identical neutral
strings; the nondescript roses, chrys
anthemums, lilies and asters, were all
there; the " mean, scrimpy, night-cap-py
thing" was before her in every par
ticular. It is safe to say that Mrs. Jack got
little edification from the service that
morning. Mrs. Banguptou's bonnet was
mixed up with the hymns; it was evciy
where throughout the creed, collects,
prayers; the morning lessons were en
tirely devoted to millinery; the sermon,
from text to finish, was Bangupton and
bonnet; and the benediction was made
up of the same ubiquitous elements.
On her way home Mrs. Jack was not
so cheerful as when she started thence.
On the contrary, she was taciturn, sad,
not to say moro3e. Jack saw that some
thing was wrong, but, being a discreet
husband, and having yesterday's epi
sode fresh in his remembrance, he said
nothing. It was, no doubt, the wisei
course.
Upon reaching home, Mrs. Jack flew
up the stairs, but not until sue was in
the solitude of her own chamber did her
sorrow find words. Clutching convul
sively at the strings of her new bonnet,
she pulled it off and then sank into a
chair and burst into tears.
" I don't care, there!"
This was her onlj- exclamation. She
continued to weep and sob for live
minutes, perhaps. Then suddenly she
dried her eyes, took up her bonnet,
scanned it all over, and, with a look of
satisfaction rather than of joy, ex
claimed: " Well, I picked it out myself, at any
rate! None of his buying! Ida died
rather than have him by my bonnets!"
Aud no doubt she would. Boston
Transcript.
m m
A Strange Accident.
John Flarharity, an engineer on a
Denver & Rio Grande engine, was run
ning a " pusher" in the yards at
Leadville. He was ordered to go down
the road and meet the incoming pas
senger at Eiler's. Just as he started
out of the yards, the strap connected
with the lever broke, and he lost all
control of the engine. The engine
was a new one and in good condition,
and he says he never can explain just
why or now it happened. Running
at a tremendous speed down grade, he
expected every moment to be dashed to
institi t death.
"It was an awful moment," said
Flarharity, " when I found that the en
gine would not respond to the touch of
the lever, and that she was beyond ray
control. The cylinder heads blew out,
the steam blinded me, and everything
seemed to conspire to hurl us to de
struction." "How heavy was the grade?"
One hundred and eighty-live feet to
the mile. Down the steep incline the
train dashed. I tugged at the lever and
brakes, but it was as if I had been tug
ging at the solid parts of the engine it
self. Then suddenly I remembered that
I was to meet the passenger-train at
Eiler's. My fireman jumped off early
in the race.and I was left alone, think
ing I had left him dead on the track.
We were making more than a mile a
minute. Little pieces of sand and dirt
flew against my face and stung like
coals of fire. I yelled aud screamed,
for I knew that our only hope was to
flag that train and get her on the side
track. I saw the operator, Woodward,
running for the train as he saw me com
ing, enveloped in a cloud of smoke, and
steam, and dust
" With one last effort I opened wide
the throttle, hoping that the engine
would throw herself from the track on
the enrve and save the train from destruc
tion. Then I jumped, and uncon
sciousness overcame me. When I re
covered I saw the engine lying on her
side within forty feet of the passenger
train, and people were crowding around
me bathing my head, and hoping I was
not killed?'
Flarharity escaped miraculously with
only a few slight bruises. The accident
was one of the strangest on record, and
in it not a single person was seriously
hurt Denver Tribune.
How Weapons First Came to Be Em
ployed. The idea of employing
weapons for
assault or defense
was a logical result
of the first contests that took place be
tween man and man. In these contests
the strongest mau with his native weap
ons his fists was unconsciously the
father of all arms and all armed
strength, for his weaker antagonist
would earl- seek to restore the balance
of power between them by the use of
some sort of weapon. The shorter
armed man lengthened his striking
power by the use of a stick, and found"
after a time, the help its leverage and
weight afforded him. The first case in
which the chance-selected, heavy-ended
staff or club showed that weight or
hardness had its value, was a first sten
toward furnishing it with a strong head.
Hence the blow of the fist was the
forerunner of the crushing weapon. In
the same way the pointed stick became
the lance or dagger; and the thrown
shaft, helped, as Knowledge increased,
by the bow or "throwing-stick," was
the precursor of the dart and arrow.
The character of the first weapons was
largely determined by the nature of the
materials from which they were de
rived, and their shape parti- from this
and partly by copying the forms of the
weapons possessed by the animals the
primitive men slew. Hence arises the
general similarity in character and
shape of the earliest tools from all
parts of the world. Popular Science
Monthly.
A city home: Inquirer "Are you
the gentleman that owns this house and
lot? Citizen "No, I don't own this
house and lot I only live here and pay
the taxes on 'em."
Sara Bernhardt is married at last
Well, every man has a skeleton in his
closet Boston Courier.
The Cathedral or Toledo, Spain
The cathedral of Toledo, long the
Beat of the Spanish primate, stands in
the first rank of cathedrals, aud is in
vested with a ponderous gloom that has
something almost savage about it For
six centuries art, ecclesiasticism and
roval power lavished their resources
upon it and its dusky chuuels are load
ed with precious gonis and metals, taw
dry though the style of their ornamen
tation often is. The huge pillars that
divide its five naves rise with a peculiar
inward curve, which gives them an
elastic look of growth. They are the
giant roots from which the rest has
spread. Under the goldon gratings and
jasper steps of the nigh altar Cardinal
Mendoza lies buried, with a uumber of
the older Kings of Spain, in a grew
some sunless vault; but at the back of
the altar there is contrived with the
atrical effect a burst of white light from
a window in the arched ceiling, around
the pale radiance of which are
assembled painted figures gradually
giving place to others in verita
le relief, all sprawling, flying,
falling down the wall inclosing the
altar, as if one were suddenly per
mitted to see a swarm of saints and an
gels careering in a beam of real super
natural illumination. A private covered
gallery leads above the street from the
archbishop's palace into one side of the
mighty edifice; and this, with the ram
bling, varied aspect of the exterior, is
portions lesembling a fortress, with a
stone sentry-box on the roof, recalls the
days of prelates who put themselves at
the head of armies, leading in war as in
everything else. A spacious adjoining
cloister, full of climbing ivy and figs,
Spanish cypress, the smooth-trunked
laurel-tree, and many other growths,
all bathed in opulent sunshine, marks
the site of an old Jewish market, which
Archbishop Tenorio in 1339 incited a
m)b to burn in order that he might
have room for this sacred garden. But
the voices of children now ring out from
the upper rooms of the cloister building,
where the widows and orphans of cathe
dral servants are given me homes
Through this " cloister of the great
church" it was that Cervantes says he
hurried with the MS. of Cid Haraete
Beuengcli, containing Don Quixote's
history, after he had bought it for half a
real just two cents und a half.
A temple of the barbaric and'the bar
barous, the cathedral dates from the
thirteenth century; but it was preceded
by one which was built to the Virgin in
her lifetime, tradition says; and she
came down from heaven to visit her
shrine. The identical slab on which she
alighted is still preserved in one of the
chapels. A former inscription said to
believers: " Use yourselves to kiss itfor
your much consolation," and their
obedient lips have in time greatly worn
down the stone. Later on, the church
was used as a mosqno by the infidel con
querors, and when they were driven out
it was pulled down to be replaced by the
present huge and solemn structure. But
by a compromise with the subjugated
Moors, a Muzarabic mass (a seeming
mixture of Mohammedan ritual with
Christian worship) was ordained to be
said in a particular chapel; and there it is
recited still, every morning in the year. I
attended this weird, halt-Eastern cere
mony, which was conducted with an ex
traordinary, incessaut babble of rapid
prayer from the priests m the stalls,
precisely like the inarticulate hum one
imagines in a mosque. On the floor
below and in front of the altar steps was
placed a riohly draped chest, perhaps
meant to represent the tomb of Mo
hammed in the Caaba, and around it
stood lighted candles. During the long
and involved mass one of the younger
priests, in appearance almost an im
becile, had the pra-er he was to read
pointed out for him by an altar-boy
with what looked like a long knife-blade
used for the puqose. Soon after an
incense-bearing acolyte nudged him
energetically to let him know that his
turn had now come. This was the only
evidence I could discover of auy pro
gress in knowledge or goodness result
ing from the Muzarabic mass. George
P. Lathrop, in Harper's Magazine.
Easy Arithmetical Problems.
If it costs a colored "family eighty
cents per week to keep four dogs and a
goat, how much less will it cost if a po
liceman breaks the goat's neck and two
of the dogs get in the way of a street
car?
Six times seven girls are how many
girls, and what on earth are they good
for?
A lady bought a hat for twelve dol
lars, a set of frizzes for four dollars, a
pair of shoes for six dollars, and a comb
for three dollars. How much would all
have cost her if the man hadn't told her
that he had quit the trust system?
A woman pays seventy-five cents for a
shirt for her husband and nine dollars
for a pair of silk hose for herself. What
.was the cost of both?
A man who desires to move a cook
stove weighing two hundred pounds
calls in a noighbor to lift one hundred
and eight- pounds of tho infernal old
thing, while he gets away with the re
mainder. What is the remainder?
A tramp has two hundred feet to go
to reach a gate, while the farmer's dog
has three hundred feet to go to bito the
tramp. The tramp travels at tho rato
of twelve miles an hour, and the dog at
the rate of twenty. How near the gate
will the poor, discouraged sufferer be
when the canine catchups on?
A man who gulps down a five-cent
glass of beer and tells the saloon-keeper
to charge it is obliged to pay a doctor
two dollars and fifty cents for cementing
a crack in his skull, while the saloonist
is fined three dollars for doing such a
cracking good business. How much
money was involved altogether, and
how much would have been saved if the
beat had waited until a candidate came
along and asked him to take something?
A housewife sold a coat to a peddler
for a vase worth nine cents, a pair of
boots for a china dog worth six cents
and a vest for a glass bottle worth four
cents; how much did she receive for all,
and how much over six dollars clear
profit did the peddler make?
A grocer takes twenty-eight pounds
of butter worth thirty-two cents per
pound, and mixes it with fifty-six
pounds of butter worth fourteen cents
per pound. He then hangs out a sign
of "gilt-edged butter," and sells the
whole for twenty-nine cents per pound.
How much does'he make?
NEW TAIU.E OF VHY MEASURE.
Two schooners make one pint.
Two pints make throe drunks.
One quart (of strawberries) makes a
dish.
One peck makes six quarts.
One bushel (of peddler's apples) if
three pecks. Detroit Free Press.
Didn't Kuow His Own Language.
The deplorable ignorance of foreign
ers was conspicuously displayed the
other day in a certain English ullage.
The keeper of the principal shop has
aspirations for his daughter, and sent
her to several boarding and finishing
schools till she was, iu her fond fathers
eyes, brimful of knowledge of the most
unimpeachable character. He believed
her to be possessed of unlimited wis
dom, and proudly told a friend, how she
played, sang, danced, and what a num
ber of languages she spoke. "But how
ignorant them foreigners is!" he ob
served. "Why, there was a French
man down here hist week, ami my gal
was talking to him for an hour or
more, and I tell you half the time he
couldn't make out what sho wassaving!
The man didn't know his own" lan-
guage!
i"
Mrs. Sarah
mond, was the
Shelton,
' Annabel
of Rich
Lee" of
Poe's famous poem.
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.
Albert Wolff, in an article pub
lished in Paris, argues that the influ
ence of American we-a'th on French art
is bad, tending to vender it " low and
mercenary."
Just before the death of Mrs. L. A
Mathews, of Lakewood, N. J., receut
lV.her sight, of which she had been de
prived several years, was restored. She
was 103 years of age. xV. Y. Graphic.
The literary industry of the late
Jacob Abbott was extraordinary. Dur
ing his busy life he wrote 180 volumes.
besides domg a vast amount of editorial
work, and contributing many articles to
Harper's Monthly.
Mr. Spurgeon, the London preach
er, is a lover of birds, and he loves
them iu the only true fashion. He in
vites them to his lawn with daily show
ers of bread-crumbs, but never thinks
of Imprisoning one in a cage.
Representative Allen, of Missouri,
had a life-long ambition to go to Con
gress. He was finally elected, but on
reaching Waslrngton was taken with
the sickness which ended fatally, so
that he attended but one day's session
after all. Detroit Post.
George Dolby, the business agent
of Dickens during his last tour through
the United States, prop ses to issue a
series of Dickens' letters to him. As
many were written very quickly and at
moments of intense excitement it is
probable that the volume will have
some sharp passages.
The following well-known persons
are over 70 years of age: Ralph Waldo
Emerson, 79; Charles O'Conor, 78;
David Dudley Field. 77; Charles Francis
Adams. John G. Whittier and Jeffer
son Davis, eaeh 74; Oliver Wendell
Holmes and Cornelius K. Garrison, 73;
Jeremiah S. Black, Robert Toombs
and Phineas T. Barnum. 72; Wendell
Phillips, 71; Judah P. Benjamin, Alex
ander H. Stephens and Horatio Sey
mour, 70.
John G. Saxe, the poet, who is so
afflicted mentally in his old ago, has a
competency which was greatly in
creased some years ago by a fortunate
speculation in Texas cattle-raising with
his brother, Peter Saxe. The poet fur
nished some of .the capital and his
brother went to Texas to attend to the
ranehe. "My brother John," Peter
saiil some years ago, " has made more
money out of cattle in one year than he
has made out of writing poetry in
twenty years."
Mrs. Nicholas Smith, formerly Ida
Greeley, the eldest daughter of Horace
Greeley, who died at Chappaqua, N.
Y., recently, of diphtheria, was a lady
of culture and of unusual force of char
acter. After her father's death, she
traveled some in Europe. A younger
unmarried sister, Gabrielle, is now the
sole survivor of a family that a f"w
years ago had a national prominence.
A brother died sometime before
the demise of Mr. Greeley. Mrs.
Smith leaves three little children, one
an infant only a few weeks old. Chi
cago Journal.
m
HUMOROUS.
A Missouri girl wrote 2,378 words
on a postal card, and then mailed it
without any address. Tho family didn't
fet any rest that night Detroit Free
Ycss.
The paragraphers are making fun
of the way Alyce Caiiyslo, a Western
wryter of verses, spells her name. But
the gyrl has a ryght to spell it in that
y-se if she wants to. Syracuse Herald.
Teaching the young idea: "Grand
pa, the sun is brighter in summer than
in winter, is it not?" "Yes, and it's
warmer and enjoys hotter health."
"Why does it enjoy better health?"
"Because it gets up earlier."
When reprimanded by his employer
for absenting himself from the olhce for
two entire days, Fogg very calmly re
plied that he believed in the office seek
ing the man, aud not the man seeking
the office. Boston Transcript.
When Filkinsbury moved away
from town he was asked if he received
anything in the way of a keepsake from
the citizens. "No," he replied "noth
ing; thougn l believe thero was some
thing said about my receiving the con
gratulations of the people on my change
of residence."
Her lips were like tho leaves, ho said.
By autunyi's crimson tintod;
Some people autumn leaves preserve
By pressing1 them, she hintel.
The meaning- of the gentle hint
Tho lover ilid disc th.
And so he clasped her round tho neck.
And glued hia lips to her'n.
Our Continent.
" When I came to town," said a
rich broker, "I hadn't a penny of my
own." "And have you now, sir?"
asked a quiet-faced man in the far
corner of the room. The broker didn't
answer the question. Perhaps he didn't
hear it Possibly it was a paia in the
stomach that drew his face down so
suddenly.
"See hero," Baid a fault-finding
husband to his wife, " we must have
things arranged in this houe so we
shall know just whero everything is
kept." "With all my heart," she
sweetly answered; " and let us begin
with your late hours, my love; I should
dearly like to know where they aro
kept" He lets things run on as usual.
Waif.
This is an amateur. He knows all
about music, and he tells all he knows
to his friends. How good of him. But
it does riot take him very long to tell it.
Ho likes the modern school and con
siders Bach one of its best men. He
docs not like the tempo of the conduct
ors. This pains the conductors and the
musicians. The horn-player weeps into
his instrument But we like the amateur.
Wo had sooner go to the funeral of
one musical amateur than to that of ten
conductors. The Score.
The other day a pompous little fel
low at a dinner-table was boasting of the
great men with whom he was on intimate
terms. He was in constant correspond
ence with Bret Harte. had lunched
with Tennyson, was in friendly relations
with the Prince of Wales, and. in short,
knew everything and everybody. At
length a quiet individual at the other
enifof the room broke in on the conver
sation with the question: "My dear
sir, did you happen to know the Siamese
twins when they were in this country?"
Our hero, who evidently had a talent
for lying, but no real genius, at once
replied: "The Siamese twins, sir?
Yes, sir, I became very intimate with
one of tliem, but I never had the good
fortune to meet the other. Chicago
Times.
ilronth of the Telephone Business.
The success of the telephone business
in the short period of its existence is in
remarkable contrast with the early his
tory of telegraphing. The record of tho
telegraph companies was one of strug
gles and disasters till the Western Union
took up the work of organization and
consolidation. The telephone has been
a source of profit almost from the first,
and a number of men have already been
made immensely rich by it Tho re
port of the American Bell Telephone
Company, for the year ending February
28, 1882, just compiled, shows an in
crease in the number of instruments
rented to subordinate companies from
132,592 to 189,374 (over 4,700a month):
exchanges in operation, 408, to 592;
subscribers, 47.880 to 70,52.1; miles of
wire, 28,316 to 49,168. An item in the
account illustrative of the rapid progress
in telephonic appliances is 54,229 instru
ments destroyed, or to be destroyed,
because defective. The gross earnings
for the year are reported at $1,001,924,
of which 8885,312 came from the rental
of instruments, and the net earnings
nor .5G2,061. BradstreeC s.
KENDALL'S SPAVIN CURE !
it i ruj siw vis.
splints. j: iv (;
BONrS. LrKi;s AND
j.isi.mii..i;blk.v
1SI1KS AM). io
MUVK-THK Hl'NCh
WITHOUT BLlSTferl:.
IXG.
&W foftfTrNnA' il-
-pJSyKNyH-J
KEMI)AIIiS SPAVIN CURE!
It ha cured thousands of eases aud is destined td cure millions and iflillious raor
KElTDAliIi'S SPAVIN CUKE!
I :ho o:iI poitie itn- known, and to show what thii remedy will do we give here
as a ii,.:, of cases cured by it, a statement which vraS
GIVEN UNDER OATH.
To AV: om it .May Concern. In the
r.ir 1S. I treated with 'Kendall's
1. x in Cure," a bone spavin of several
in-iilhs' growth, nearly half as large a
a h, ns egg, and completely stopped the
I.iin ness and removed the enlargement.
I h ve worked the horse ecr since. very
n:ird, and he never has len lame, nor
could I ever see any difference in the
size of the hock joint- since I treated
him with "Kendall's Spavin Cure.'
H. A. Gaink.
Enosburgh VM. Vt.. Feb. 2T, 'TW.
Sworn and subscribed to before me
this -Joth day of Feb., a. n. 1ST!.
John G..Ikxnk.
Justice of l'eace
KENDALL'S SPAVIN CUBE;
ON HUMAN FLESH it has been ascertained by repeated tn th to be,
the very best liniment ever used for am deep seated pain of Ion n standing
or of short duration. Also for COHX&, BUNIONS. FliOS I'-IUTES
or any bruise, cut or lameness. Some arc afraid to use it on hi, -nan Jlesh
simply because it is a horse medicine, but you should remember that what
is good for HE A ST is good for MAN,' and we know from Experience
that "KENDALLS SI'AVIN CUliJT eun be used in a c'tild 1 year
old with perfect safety. Its Effects are wonderful on human flesh and it
does not blister or make a sore. Try it and be convinced.
KENDALL'S SPAVIN JURE
Read below of its wonderful effects
, ,
II. J, Ivexpai.LA.-Co., Gknts: I am
imi.ii.iwu .n ,um utiiu.ni r. .ii.nni v uif inai i ieei mat 1 ought lur Huinailit ien
Make publish It to the world. About thirtv-tive ears ago whib- riding a ouii"
ugly horse, I was injured in one of my testicles and from that tim to three weeks
ago a Mow but constant enlargement has been the result, giving me a great amount
of trouble, almost entirely preventing me from hor-ebaek ridina. which wa mv
Usual way of traveling. I saw a notice of your Kendall pixiu t 'tire, ne.-r once
thought of it for anything except for hnr-M's but after receiving he medicine and
reading over what it was good for, feeling terribly everci-ed about mv ditlicultv. for
I had coi'sulted many physicians and none gave me anv specific hut w hen it could
be endured no longer to remove it with the kniTe. I applied voiir Kendall-. Spavin
Cure as an experiment, and it was so painful in it application that 1 concluded
not to repeat it and thought no more aheiit it until near a week, and lo and bc'-old
one-half the size was gone, with joy I could carcclv believe it, I immediately ap
plied it over again, and have made in all about 'i doieu application- running "over
a space or two weeks and the terrible enlargement is almost goe. in v iew rw Inch
I cannot express my feelings of delight. It ha been a God send to me. mav he
.-.end to others with like troubles, John Kick.
Pastor of Hematite Congregational Church.
1. S. You are at liberty to put this in any shape vou mav please. 1 am not
ashamed to have my name under, over or by the side of "it.
KENDALL'S SPAVIN CURE!
Kendall's Spavin Cure is sure in its effects, mild in its action 'as it doe not
hli-ter, yet it Is penetrating ami powerful to reach' any deep seated pain or to re
move any bony growth or any other enlargement if Used for several d ivs, such as
spavins, splints, callous, sprains, swelling, any lameness ami all enlargements of
the joints or limbs, or rheumatism in man and for anv-purpose for which a liniment
is uied for man or beast. It is now known to he the best liniment for man ever used
acting mild yet certain in its etlects. It is used in full strength w 1th perfect safi tv
at all seasons of the year.
Send address for Illustrated Circular, which we think gives positive proof, or its
virtues. No remedy has met with such utuiiullti d siicess to our knowledge' , for
beast as well as man. Trice $1 per bottle, or six bottles for $.1.
ALL DRUGGISTS have it or can get it for ycu,
or it will bo sent to any address on receipt of pi ice, bv the proprietor,
4S Dr. B. J. KENDALL & CO. Enosburir Falls, Vermont.
WHEN YOU TKAArEL
ALWAYS TAKE THE
B. Sc M. R. R.
Examine map and time table carefully
It will be seen that this line connects
with C. II. A Q. It. K.; in Tact they
are under one management,
ami taken together form
what is called
Shortest and Quickest Line to
ST.
PEORIA.
DES MOINES, ROCK ISLAND,
And Especially to all JPoiats
IOWA, WISCONSIN, INDIANA,
ILLINOIS, MICHIGAN, OHIO.
PRINCIPAL ADVANTAGKS ARK
l'hrtugh coaches from destination on C.
H. & Q. It. H. No transfers; changes
Loin C. II. t Q. It. It. to connect
ing lines all made iu
Union Depots.
THKOUGH TICKETS
AT
LOWEST RATES
CAN UK HAD
I'pon implication at anv station on the
.oad. Agents are also prepared to check
jaggage through; give all information as
,o rates, routes, time connections, etc ,
md to Bccurc sleeping car accomoda
tions. This company is engaged on an cxten
tion which will open a
NEW LINE TO DENVER
And all points in Colorado. This ev
tention will be completed and ready for
UMiies in arew mouths, and the pub
ic can then enjoj all the. advantages or
through line between Denver and
Chicago, all under one management.
P. X. KuMtiM.
Geu'I T'k't A'gt,
43v Omaha, N'ku.
LAND, FAIiMS,
AND-
CITY PROPERTY FOB SALE,
-AT TIIK
Union Pa&fic Land Office,
On Long Time and low rate
of Interest.
All wishing to buy Rail Uoad Land
or Improved Farms will And it to their
advantage to call at the L. 1. I
Office bemre looKin cibi-wu,.... -- -make
a specialty of buying and selling
lands on commission; all persons winn
ing to sell farms or unimproved I. inn
will tind it to their advantage to leave
their lands with uc for sale, as m a
cilities for aTfecting sales arc ""r
passecl. I am prepared to make hnai
proor for all parties wishing to get a
patent for their homesteads.
BSTHenry Cordes, Clerk, wr,tes and
speaks German.
SAMUEL C SMITH,
.... ,, t i-rwi iinnartment.
Agi. u. .i . --ujf BCS, KEB
621-y
$66:
a week in v our own "wn- "
Outnt free. "s,n, ri
thine new. Capital not re
quired. We will ."""--
everything. 31any arc nM" ' "Z0
Ladiet male as much as men. and I bo
and girls make greit pav. Rederf
you want a business atwm cu " .
K)U MAN IT IP NOV, ,
KNOWN TO 15 E ONE
oK TIIE IM.SI IH 'sA.
NOT HIE i;hT ,
UMJIENT EVEU
UlSUOWtnED.
as a liniment for the hir
kin
family.
llKMATHK. MlMUW, AlU-Hlst 20, 1SN.
so overjoyed in view of the result of an at
1870.
1882.
TIIK
almifbus 3jotmnil
Is conducted as a
FAMILY NEWSPAPER,
Devoted to the best mutual inter--ests
of its readers and its publish,
ers. Published at Columbus, Platte
county, the centre of the agricul
tural portion of Nebraska, it is read
by hundreds of people east who are
looking towards Nebraska as their
ftiture home. Its subscribers in
Nebraska are the staunch, solid
portion of the community, as is
evidenced by the faet that the
Journal has never contained a
"dun" against them, aud by the
other fact that
ADVERTISING
In its columi s always brings its
reward. Ilusiness is business, and
those who wish to reach the solid
people of Central Nebraska will
iiml the columns of the Journal a
splendid medium.
JOB WORK
Or all kinds neatly and quiekly
done, at r.iir prices. Thit species
or printing is nearly always want
ed in a hurry, and, knowing this
Tact, we have so provided Torit
that we can furnish envelopes, let
ter heads, bill heads, circulars,
posters, etc., etc., on very short
notice, and promptly on time a
we promise.
SUBSCRIPTION.
copy per annum
" Six months ..
' Three months,
$2 00
l no
no
Single copy sent to any address
in the United States for .) cts.
K.K. TURNER & CO.,
Columbus, Nebraska.
EVERYBODY
Can now alford
A CHICAGO DAILY.
TIIE
CHICAGO HERALD,
All the News everv day on four large
pages of even column- each. The lion.
Frank "W". Palmer (Postmaster of Chi
cago), Kditor-in-Chief. A Republican
Dailv for
$5 per Year,
Three-
months, $l.io. One
trial .10 cents.
month on
CHICAGO
"WEEKLY HERALD'
Acknowledged by everybody who has
read it to be the best eight-page paper
ever published, at the low price or
$1 PER YEAR,
Postage Free.
Contains correct market report all
the news, and general reading interest
ing to the Tarmcr and hi3 family. SDeeial
terms to agents and clubs? Sample
Copies Tree. Address, unue
CHICAGO HERALD COMP'Y
120anul22Fifth-av.,
J-"tf CHICAGO, ILL,
'j'
i
k
y
.
A
iff
Co., Portland, Maine.