Theflottfolkrleuas
Adpllno Patti was lnirn In
but just when is not stated
Madrid
Thoro oppours to bo sound
in Denmark lml in tho Sixth tlis
trict
A St Paul paper ilivliloH thu your into
throe ball seasons football huso
ball ami snow hall
It seems a contradiction in terms hut
11 is tint nevertheless that wintor floods
go up in tho fall season
Duns and Bradstroots commercial
reports will not ho ummI an campaign
dooumonts by tho douurruts thin year
ornoxt
Thopooploof Pittsburg Ponn huvo
just voted to appropriate 7000000 for
public improvements
public spirited
A balloon corps iH to ho
Africaosu part of tho
forces Tho result will
with much interest
Pittsburg is
sunt to South
British war
bo wutohod
An uriny of 100000 innn today is
rolntivoly less than nn army of 25000
wan in 18tl Imporiiilism iHivinisnomor
and everybody knows it
Tho noVH coiuiH ovor tho wiro that u
Now York woman has sued her husband
for divorce Who would sho suo
Somebody elses husband
It is estimated that there is now
1000000000 in gold in tho United
States Tho amount has doubled sinco
tho gold Htandurd was indorsed
Prosperity bus resumod business at
tho old Htaud is doing moro than over
boforo and tho crime of 7T is no longer
visible ovon to tho naked oyo of tho
populist
Somo ouo has made tho statement
that Mayor Jones of Toledo looks bet
tor than his pioturos This would bo
considered moro startling if it wasnt so
true of ovoryono else
Aguiuuldo has in his ranks a general
who would accept cash for tho betrayal
and surrender of his leader to tho enemy
Aggy should also keep au oyo on his
American supporters t hoy might pos
Bibly bo induced to surrondor him for a
consideration
Massachusetts republicans enthus
iastically sustained tho president in their
rocont Kttito convention and Senator
Hoar is out in n statement iu which ho
says tho presidout is right and that his
own nttitudo in regard to tho Philippines
has boon wrong
Goorgo Fred WilliauiB says that tho
only euro for tho trust problem is
through tho olootion of Willinin Jen
nings Bryan to tho presidency Hut
does Goorgo Fred tell the truth In
1SH ho doolarul that prosperity could
como only wit li the free coinage of silvor
Advertising is a means to an ond
The uso of printers ink will draw trade
to a store but it depends on how a cus
tomer is treutod by tho salesman as to
whether tho trade is kept Printers
ink can show tho way obliging man
ners and fair dealing must do tho rest
Sir Thomas Liptou is probably satis
fiod by this timo that tho Yankees still
know a thing or two about boat build
ing having boatou tho prido of tho
Euglish shipbuilders art Sir Thomas
may as wrll sail homo again and boo if
ho can lntvo a yacht built on moro scien
tific lines and thon ho may bo in posi
tion to try another timo to win tho cup
Whilo a year ago it took a certain
numbor of bushols of wheat to buy a
diamond it now takes twico as ninny
bushols to buy tho samo quality of stono
When will this thing couso It will
soon bo impossible for tho common
people editors included to live in this
countiy unless our good Father Bryan
can really and promptly givo us relief
eomethiug by tho way moro than talk
Mr Bryan says ho will nover rest
until the linancial policy of this country
is freed from tho dictation of the Loudou
clearing house If tho poor ninu only
know it ho might begin to rest right
nwuy Somo one ought to have relieved
his mind long ago by tolling him that
linancial policy of tho United States
Thoro aro none quito so blind as those
who are determined not to see
Tho present outlook is that this fall
will inaugurate a season of building mid
improvement iu Norfolk tho like of
which has not been wituossed for years
With tho opera house and the new Cath
olic church uuder course of erection an
opportunity for present employment is
given to all builders and it is extremely
probublo that they will eucourage other
improvements next spring Conserva
tive people behove that a new era of
progress is opening to Norfolk
In Iowa this year the democrats nre
making their campaign almost entirely
oi the issue of imperialism The silver
question ani the trusts are scarcely
alluded to while groat emphasis is
placed on the periU of a largo standing
army They uroaftor thoGorman vote
but they are not likely to get it on any
such a cry The Jormuns of Iowa aro
a thrifty enterprising set of American
citiens and they know too much to he
caught by such ohull This talk of Im
perialism is lidiculotiH
It IV Miles of limerick republic in
candidate fur comity treasurer is adding
many friends to his already long list
this fiill Ho is a man of known merit
and al hough a large portion of his days
huvo been spent on tho farm ho has
kept in close touch with the progress of
tho world and knoWH exactly what is
needed to mako an acceptable olllciul to
the people Ho is u man of established
reputation and honesty and thu voters
will mako no mistake in entrusting to
him tho treasurers otllco
Tho fusloniHtH hopo to array tho sa
loon vote against Judgo Ueose by tho
proclamation that he is a prohibitionist
lniisinmh as the question of prohibi
tion is not before tho people and it
would he impossible for tho judgo to
close the saloons oven if ho so desired
their object is plainly one of buncomb
Kvon the lowest characters among tho
saloon or any other element admire a
good clean man who will deal out justice
to all on tho bunch and many of thoir
votes will bo recorded for Keeso this
fall
About 18 pears ago the governmont
began tho compilation of tho records of
tho Union and Confederate armies
which arc ofllcially known as tho Rebel
lion records Moro than ono hundred
and twenty volumes have already been
printed at a cost of noarly three millions
of dollars and tho scries is not yet
completed It is tho most exhaustive
work ovor attempted under thu direction
of tho government and will bo a mine
of exhaustible wealth and assistance to
future historians of the greatest war
period of tho republic
Phil Bunch has had excellent training
for tho position of county olork to
which position ho aspires by virtue of
tho republican county convention and
Micro is no disputing the fact that ho
will take good care of tho otllco Ho is
making a thorough cumpaigu and estab
lishing a record as a voto gotter that
may well bo envied Hois a man whoso
list of acquaintances and friends is
largo undlhoy aro very much interested
in seeing him mako a winning light A
voto for Mr Bunch is a votcEfor tho
right man
Tho eastern pross is of tho opinion
that thoro are facts disclosed in tho
Bryan lottor to Morton that greatly
overshadow tho statement that ho
wanted otllco for tho money and not for
tho honor that was in it Tho fact
that ho applied for aid to a pronouncod
corporation politician for a corporation
job places him in a rather poculiar posi
tion in tho light of his recent tirades
against said corporations His desire at
that timo was not only to get a footing
in the corporation ranks but to pocket a
small portion of eaid corporations
wealth That he has since secured a
better thing both from a monetary and
popular standpoint thoro is no gainsay
ing but that ho would have occupied a
far different nttitudo at this timo had
liis ambitious boon realized cannot be
disputed
Tho young queon of Holland will not
tolerato tho tedious long hours for
luncheons dinners aud suppers which
have been considered necessary to
olaborato spreads At a state dinner at
Rotterdam not long ago tho wholo func
tion lasted just IIS minutoa Now that
royalty has Bauotiouod hH timo killing
at tho dinner tablo perhaps somo of tho
American hotels and restaurants will
eoudocoud to serve a moal a little moro
expeditiously There is nothing
which soonis quito so much tho thing to
tho average restaurant keeper iu this
country as to nuiko tho procuring of a
meal as long and tedious a process as
possible laboring under tho idea that
it is considered quito tho correct idea
doucherknow Tho American people
as a claB have no patiunco for that sort
of tomfoolery but what they want is
qui k simple sorvico Anioricau style
Tho Oxford club ono of tho most
prominent organizations nf Boston was
recently raided by tho police aud about
1000 in poker chips and paraphernalia
captured Tweuty Boven men wore
tho Loudon clearing house has nothing rested and takeu to tho station house
whatever to do with dictating the irnotig tho numbor being somo of tho
prominont busiuoss men of the place
It is this kind of immorality iu our
larger cities as well as in the Biualler
villages of tho land that does moro to
demoralize society tlmu all else Young
men and boys aro not attracted by tho
druuken orgies or the midnight gambling
of the regular bum or tho professional
tough they know enough to bo dis
gusted with it But whon tho man who
moves -in the best social circles tho
niau who would bo surprised if you did
not treat him as eminently respect
able carouses gets druuk or gambles
aud still keeps his place iu society un
disturbed it is confusing to tho mnrul
souso of tho community Tho faots are
men ought to bo treated alike Tho
way of tho transgressors hard If it
isnt it ought to be Boston has set u
good example iu calling dowm leadiug
business men who aro unworthy citi
zens
TITE NORFOLK NEWS THURSDAY OCTOBER 20 1899
An Honor Di lit County
Oliris Soimvlfind has male an excellent
olllciul as chirk of the district court In
fact ho has made tho best record of any
olork heretofore holding tho position
With tho attorneys who perhaps como
In contact with tho rlerk moro than
any other clans of pooplo tliesciitlinent
regardless of party is that they would
not lileo to have a ohango Mr Hohav
land is u thorough conscientious olllciul
and an honor to the county olllciul list
lCvon tho opposition press has good words
for him as Is ovidonced by tho following
taken from tho Times Tribuuo of Jan
uary I I Hit
Ohris Schavland clerk of tho district
court of Madison county was born Au
gust J7 I Hit near tho city of Stavangor
Norway After having received a com
mon school education ho outored a
ljiitin school at Stavangor in 1830 and
having taken a combined commercial
and classical courso graduated In 1881
aftor which ho continued his classic
study at said school for ono year He
camo direct from Norway to Nowman
Grove Madison county Nebraska in
the spring of IHHli within tun days aftur
his arrival securing a position as clerk
in tho general store of Goo B Hovlnnd
at that place Iu tho fall of 18S7 ho
was offered and accepted a position with
tho then newly organized Newman
Grovo State Bank Jlrst as hookkoopor
afterwards as assistant cashier and lator
as cashier which position ho held until
tho spring of 1891 whon ho roBlgned
and accoptod a position with the Citizens
State Bank of said place
Inthosanio year ho wont into the
farm loan and insurance business and
continued iu said business in tho year
18115 Iu 1KH8 ho was ono of tho organ
izers of tho Nowman Grovo Improv
ment Society a building and loan asso
ciation and wassecrotaryof said society
from the time of tho organization until
clouted to his prosont otllco In 18lil
he was tho republican nomineo
fir county treasurer of Madison county
but failed to be elected In 1805 ho was
elected to tho otllco of clerk of tho district
court of said county and is now serving
his tlrst term in that otllco
Tho Omaha Bee very frankly acknowl
edges tho inistako it made whon during
previous campaigiiB it lauded Silas
A Holconib as tho man who would
purge Nebraska of jobbery in tho
state hoiiBO and who would staud for
good govorment undor any aud all cir
cumstances Tho Hoe admits that aftor
a fair trial Silas has boon found want
ing in every ouo of those virtues which
ho was supposed to possess to au emi
nent degree Says the Beo During
tho four years of his career as governor
ho has had ample opportunity to provo
what mottle ho is mado of and ho has
proved a lamoiitablo failnro in every
respect Ho has oxhibitod a lack of
moral stamina at every stago and sur
rendered himself to a coterio of disrep
utable politicians formerly disowned and
discarded by tho old parties Instead of
oxercising his prerogatives faithfully
fearlessly and impartially ho has
truckled to corporate monopoly and
made reform a by word and roproach
The Beo is now trying to undo tho wrong
it did in supporting Holconib in provious
campaigns and in acknowledging that
it was wrong boforo it shows itself moro
candid than most of tho politicians aud
papers are especially duriug a campaign
Tho popocratic shoots aro trying to
mako it appoar that the presidout has
no settled policy as to what tho courso
of tho govorment should bo iu tho Phil
ippines The following quotation from
an address made by thu presidout at
Cleveland doos not iudicato that thoro is
any equivocation on this question iu the
mind of tho executive Tho problems
aro gravo tho responsibilities aro great
Nobody feols them moro than 1 do
And yet my couutrymon our duty is
plain straightforward uumistakablo
to stand by national honor und preserve
our tomtory Our soldiers carrying
onr flag in Luzon will bo supported by
tho people of tho Unitod States and
hostilities will 6topin thatdistaut island
of the sou whon the men who assaulted
our lag and onr soldiers shall lay down
thoir arms Pea o will como and I
trust and boliovo como shortly aud wo
will bo able to givo those peoplo in tho
Philippines a government of liberty and
law a govornniont which will oncour
aoro their best aspirations and their
noblest aims a governmont under tho
undisputed sovereignty of tho United
States
S L Gardnor is a campaigner of
kuown reputation aud he is proving
himself entitled to a record in that lino
this fall Ho is not only vigorous in tho
work but clean and is making friends
wherever ho goes Poople aro surprised
at his work aud ho is causing consterna
tion iu tho ranks of tho enemy While
he has nothing but good words for his
opponent ho is winuing mauy for him
self His euergy as a campaigner is an
indication of what ho can accomplish if
elected to tho ollico to which ho aspires
aud there is uo question but that he
will perform all its functions iu a most
satisfactory mauner His opponents
concede that he is a strotig man aud
that ho is setting them a swift paco
For the beuefit of tho Times Tribuuo
aud others who have been critioiziug the
career of County Clerk Hoilman wo will
say that besides his sous aud daughters
brothers aud sisters nieces uephows
cousins nnd aunts ho hal others to
assist him In performing tho work of tho
county clerks ofllco For all this tho
work will boar tho closest inspection
while his annual settlement with tho
county board showed a nico little excess
of 11 110 the greatest over known in
this county and in no caso did ho ovor
cluirgo anyone moro than tho legal foo
This kind of a record is pretty tough on
tho tux payers though 1b it not
Kx Ciovornor Altgold who it Is said
resigned his placo on tho ways and
means committee that ho might devote
his whole timo to tho promotion of
Bryans prosidontial candidacy is about
to ihvado this stato to givo thocaudlduto
a boost I lo is advertised to Bpoak at
Wayne on Friday ovenlng of this week
This country reinonibors Mr Altgold us
governor of Illinois rofusing to protect
life and property In Chicago when it
was at tho moroy of a mob Ho Is an
atraut demagogue and booauKo of tho
fact that ho is a sort of a political curi
osity ho will doubtless draw a big crowd
at Wuynu
Henry Watterson is a democrat but
ho is moro tlmu that Ho is first of all a
liberty loving American Ho has no
pationco with tho cry of imperialism
and warns his party leaders of tho suro
result of thoir anti expansion cry in
these words No party in this country
has over yet thrown itsolf across tho
highway of tho countrys progress aud
arrayed itsolf against tho soldiers in tho
field without marching to suro defeat
Tho bugaboo of imperialism will frighten
no ono Tho mankind of tho nation has
its face sot toward tho future and kcops
stop to tho musio of progress
Tho ratio botwoon labor and silver is
also gradually widening and tho fusion
istshavo but little hopo to strengthen
their cause by comparisons of this na
ture What will really boconio of thoir
campaign material by next year no one
can tell If their fiiond Aggy should
suddenly discover that Undo Samuel is
as harmless as a lamb when his gontlo
ness is not disputed they would indeed
bo in a bad way and no ouo could sin
cerely blame thorn if they should resur
rect tho old free trado corpse and inject
now life into it
Young CoruolhiB Vanderbilt has
rocoived a great many froudly notices
during the past few weoks becauso
rather than not marry tho girl that ho
loved ho put up with recioviug only
10000000 from his fathers estate
Audyot wovo kuown youug men
equally persistent iu wedding the girl
of their choice who didnt gtt tou mil
lion dollars
Tho fact that everything has an ap
pearance of republican victory iu Ne
braska this year should uot cause the
party workers to throw aside their har
ness aud take it eay Keep tho bull
rolling aud mako tho majority a largo
one so that there will be no question
as to the sentiment in tho state
Admiral Dewey has survived tho first
course of his enthusiastic welcome been
formally relieved from his ollicinl duties
by tho president aud uow ho will settle
down in tho homo which au admiring
pooplo have provided for him in Wash
ington where ho will take a well earned
rest
All this talk about tho democratio
party handling tho trust question is
utterly irrelevant and sheer waste of
time Tho trust problom will bo settled
long before tho democratic party gets
near enough to auy pratlcal success to
handle anything
A conservative estimate places the
umouut spout by the peoplo of tho
United States in attending tho theatre
at not less tuan 70000000 auuually
When Norfolks uow opera house iB
completed these figures can bo revised
somewhat
Upon tho announcement that Pitts
burg is buildiug 100 stool gondolas for
Egypt an exchange asks What is
tho world coming to It is very evi
dent that it is coming moro aud moro to
tho United States for almost auythijg
it wants
Mr Bryans attompt to mako it appear
that ho was defeated in Kentucky in
1890 by being counted out leads tho
Minneapolis Journal to inquire if ho is
really desirous of becoming the greut
Auioricau humorist
The United States iB not buying off
insurrections There is only ouo way
for tho Filipinos to have poaeo Tliat
is by uucouditioual surrender Its the
old way Grant had aud it still goos
With bank failures so rare that thoy
aro almost unknown with victories for
thoir favorite Aguiualdo us scarce us
hens teeth these are indeed dull dins
for the democrats
If auti trust laws would rid tho coun
try of trusts there would be few of
ttium left by ibis time Thirty states
have already passed rigid laws of this
kind
Broom corn is now 100 a tou Never
theless the republicau party is going to
sweep tho state this year
Geu Lawtou may kucceed Gen Miles
whou he retires
iTactlcnl ItcMilt of the Yacht Knees
Tho international yncht races off
Sandy Hook huvo demonstrated on
thing which is oven moro important
than tho possession of tho Americas
cup and that is tho practicability of
tho Marconi system of wireless teleg
raphy Tho experiments were conduct
ed under tho direction of tho inventor
Mmsolf Signer Marconi coming to this
country expressly for tho purposo of
testing his system in reporting tho
yacht races Tho results must have
realized his highest expectations as
they conclusively proved that tho sys
tem was practical at least for short dis
tances
With unerring accuracy tho Marconi
Instruments ticked off in tho Morse
alphabet every change in tho move
ments and sails of the contesting
yachts livery hrcezo was described and
every favoring wind that filled n sail of
tho Columbia or the Shamrock was
Hashed in wireless words to thu shore
from Signer Marconis boat and thence
to New York city
Wherever tho Marconi bulletins were
posted in Now York tho public was less
than 7r seconds behind tho yachts and
In somo instances less than ilO seconds
In no public event of this character in
this country has tho public been enabled
to follow so closely tho happenings and
movements of tho participants
Tho system is by no means as intri
cate and mysterious us peoplo have been
wont to regard It There is no signal
ing iu wireless telegraphy no flashing
of lights from point to point as many
have supposed It is tho simplest kind
of Morse telegraphy oxcept that the
tnessago is carried on n vertical wiro
to such a point in midair ns is neces
sary to deliver a mossago which will
produce without fail sound waves that
will not meet with interruption be
tween points of sending and receiving
These Bound waves when transmitted
to tho upper ether aro taken up by a
receiver that is tuned to tho same point
of synchronism as the machine which
sends tho message and are recorded by
a Morse ticker
Tho demonstration of tho utility of
wireless telegraphy in reporting tho
yacht races is a distinct triumph for
science tho results of which are likely
to bo farrcaching in the industrial and
commercial world So successful were
tho experiments that government offi
cials who witnessed them are already
advocating tho utilization of the system
in tho operations of tho United States
army and navy
Tho republican prosperity is not sec
tional in its blessings Tho Greenville
Miss Times a local douioc ratio paper
gives this pen picture of existing con
ditions thoro which can fiud its counter
part iu ton thousand other towns It
says Gronvillo has nover been so full
of lifo energy hopo and business activ
ity as now Its streets are crowded
with buyer aud sellers its stores ore
handsomely stocked with new goods
important public improvements aro in
progress and private buildings and
dwellings arogoiug up on every baud
That is surely a bright picture too
bright for tho demo populist combina
tion to profit by
In tho year 1SD8 this country exported
more thnu 100000000 worth of metal
working and electrical machinery It
would bo a vory difficult aud up hill job
to convince tho mon who built those
machines the coal diggers who fur
nished the coal to run them tho nier
onmts who supplied tho groceries for
this army of employes tho farmers who
raise the products that thy eat that
they had no iuterest in foreign markets
Any party which has the audacity aud
obtusonss to oppose au oxtension of our
foreign markets will fiud that it has run
up agaiust a veritable stono wall of pub
lic protest and it will be repudiated at
tho polls
There was something of grim humor
In the offer of a young Hon the emblem
of British sovereignty by Cecil Rhodes
to tho delegation of Dutchmen from
the Transvaal who recently visited
Cape Town The gift was certainly
not In good tasto and was spurned by
tho Boers The latter however would
have had the best end of the Jest had
they accepted the symbolic beast tak
en it home and placed it In a cage in
iho public square of Pretoria that the
Boer youth might have as nn object
lesson a caged Hon
Heury Watterson advocates three
things in regard to the Philippino ques
tiou First fight the war in tho Philip
piues to a finish second establish order
iu the archipelago third create suoh a
government there as seems best to us
That is Mr Wattersons program and it
is at tho surao timo just what Mr
ley is doing Henry had better quit
domocracy altogether and come over
where he can be appreciated
Tho Moinphis Commercial Appeal is a
democratio papor This Bontimeut
tukjm from its columns will recoivo
wide endorsement from the voters of
the country Tho succession of Medi
cine men with their herbs and nostrums
has made the democratio party which
tiny have controlled for tho past few
years the despair of the patriot and the
hopo of the charlutau aud empiricist
If Mr Bryan had as much judgment
as he has lung power hed be all right
for the presideuoy But he hasnt
nopiwpis
lit- Ilcttirnn Home to KiiiP linnotlo
liiHiirrOclloii mill to IVrriirm n
Miiit Oiiplrniiiit lUioty ihhI Tlit ii
Vlnltn Mr Clovelmut
CopyrlKlit 1S93 by American Press Asso
ciation
AlTlr JACK IAIIM WtClt 1Z NHXT TU
JllOVKll CliViiAM8 lV THE STA1T
ITV NOO llltSKY
Tu tho IMItur
I hev arrived back tit the old farm fcr
a breef visit tu mi family in order tu
git better acquainted with em and tu
resoom diplomatic rehislmns with mi
wife Maria boose Insurgent attitood he
trubblcd me wile I hev bin in Washing
ton incoobiitin various schemes Intended
tu unite all kinds uv Dlinlcrats intti one
grate organizasliun boose motto will be
We must git thuro 1 wuz willln fcr
my part tu patch up sum kind uv a
troocc with her until tho lullaiuinashun
uv her temper subsided but I bed tu
call in kuiii uv ml nabiirs before she
wood consent tu arbitrate Our differ
ences uv opinyiiii wins mostly over tho
labor question She accused me uv shirk
in the responsibility uv suwin wood and
uv evadln the dootles thct pertain tu the
household Fz the result uv our uogo
shiiishuns I wuz obliged tu contribute
sum u v ml revenue fcr the maintenance
uv the family and tu sine a t rooty uv
pcooe bltidiu me tu observe the laws uv
Noo Jersey relative tu abscondin hus
bands boose wives wont support em in
idleness no longer
Ml liooiniliasliun wuz hard tu bear but
I hod tu submit tu it for the good uv the
Dlniicratic party anil the purltieiislmu
u v the domestic sirklo It iz not mi
purpus however tu enlarge upon nil
household abasement I hod another nnd
most ouplesiuit dooty tu perforin wich
called me hack frimi ml plesant sur
roundins in the Buro uv lufoiinashun in
Washington It wuz tu impart the dis
trossin nooze tu mi discoverer and bene
factor Grover Cleveland thet he wuz a
dead man politlkiilly spoekin Aftor tho
Bryan outbreak at the Taiuiniiny dinner
in coo York on the Fourth of Jooly
and the Hop ovor of Mr Dick Crokor tu
Bryan wen he arrived home frum biz
visit tu the oultl counthry it wuz pane
fully evident thet sum uv our dead men
wood hev tu be buried Sum uv us got
tugother at the Buro uv Iufcrnmslum
and hold a post mortem oxaiuiiuishmi
upon the presidenshiil chances uv the
several candidates and we all couclooded
thet uv tin big batch hoo hod bin more
or loss mcuslumcd hi stimhuddy Mr
Cleveland wuz deder than all the rest
uv cm put tugother It wuz also desided
thet it wuz mi dooty tu brake the nooze
tu hi mi oz gently oz I cood When I
wont ovor ti hiz house 1 found a big
shingle ualcd tu the front door aud on it
wuz chalked in big letters Gone tu
Buzzards Bay fisliin
The importance uv mi inisshun how
ever demanded thet I shood soo Mr
Cleveland at wunst and I tloo tu biz
home at Cray Gables I wuz received oz
well oz eimy Noo Jersey Dimicrat hod
a right tu expect tu bo and we sampled
sum uv the ox Presidents applejack
wich hit us both in the rite spot Tharo
is nothiu like pure applejack tu brace up
on won yu hev bad nooze weighin ontu
yure mind and yu want tu onload it on
humbuihly hoo dont want tu hoar it
After wuitin long enuff for the tlooid
tu prodoocc sum simptoms uv hilarity I
took kurriji and broached the subjick
wich I boa cum frum Washington tu git
rid uv
I hev brung yu bad nooze Mr Presi
dent sod I
Whut iz it iinbur KpIzootV sod he
I hev bin instruekted tu notify yu
thet yu air a dead man sod 1 hozitut
inly for I expected tu see him Hi iiitu
a passlum thet wood sho itself iu big
words and a good mciiuy uv em
Dont nienslmn it sod ho quite candy
for him I hev bin dod so menny
times thet ono more death nnd burial
wont bother me 1 want yu and all
other DhuiiTuts tu onderstiiud thet I am
still in the hold ez a froo trade and gen
eral kahunity candidate thet kulumity
Iz bound tu arrive sooner or later aud
wen it duz I am the logical candidate uv
everything thet savors uv discontent and
lookin backward
There dont seem tu bo much kulum
ity on hand jest ut present sod I At
leest I dont see It
Precisely sod he A Noo Gersey
Dimicrat is generally short sighted hut
kahunity will cum all In a hoop sumtime
wen wo aint huntiii for it anil won it
duz tho Dimicratic party hoozo strongest
hold iz iu prodictiu it and holpiu it along
will hev no other candidate ez available
ez I am
Wen I fust arrived I hod made up mi
mind tu keep on hisistin thet lie wuz
dod but won I found out thet he hod
not felt the blightost slinptoms uv po
litikul disHolushtm and thet nothiu cood
make him helcevo thet prosperity wuznt
kahunity iu disgizo I couclooded tu
change mi tactics and Iceve him iu thu
boleef thet ho wuz still alive and well
and the popular leoder uv a grate po
litiknl party
I low du yu account for Tammanys
break tu Bryan sod I
Taininnny iz nlwiize hoistin a signal
uv distress won thare aint notion tu ho
scared uv sod he It iz ahvazo in thu
field tu grab everything iu site and it
wants tu be on good tonus with onny
candidate hoo hez the slightest chance uv
winnin dust now it tliiuls Mr Bryan
hez a chance and it will tickle hiz vanity
wich is dod easy Tim Hide tu tteklu
mine wen tha wuz obliged tu Mr Bry
an is killin hizsidf with hiz mouth m
tryin tu lite all the buttles uv Ills fronds
in the different stalls If thu Dimicrats
git licked iu all the stalls he iz stuiupln
hi like Ohio Kentucky and the rest uv
cm wich iha air likely tu do he will be
tired overboard hi the next nashunal
Diuiii ralic ciiivoiishun
But suppose the Dimicrats shood hap
pen tu win in mini uv the important
staits whare Mr Bryan iz tulkin sod I
Thu cant du it sod he Wu wont
let em I u yu notice how our few and
elect Goldbugs air arousin anil cnthoosiii
themselves V
Thare aint enuff uv em tu du very
mutch enthoosin sod I
Thare iz enulT uv em tu thro the elcc
hhun intu the hands uv McKinley Sou
whut wc diil iu Noo Jersey in isit and
we kin du it agin next ycer if I aint
treeted with proper konsidorashun and
Mr Clevelands eyes smipped leroshusly
Jest think uv a ded man making threU
and talkiu like thut
k