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17 7 08
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pt nw sw 19 2 57
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Western Town Lot Co
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1 30 6 32
2 30 45
8 30 45
9 30 3 39
10 30 15
5 31 2 27
6 31 2 27
9 31 2 71
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lie Noticed the IlUiien
A Parisian swell recently hail a
crayon piutmo of himself made which
he afterwaid iiretunded to Had fault
with
It does not bear the slightest resem
blance to me Buid he and I will not
take it
The artist protested bnt nil to no
avail
After tho dandy had left tho painter
added to tho portrait a magnificent pair
of ass ears and exhibited it in tho win
dow thus ulterod to the gaze of tho
cnrioiiH public
It hadnt been long exposed whon the
dandy entered the artists studio in a
towering rage and finding that threats
amounted to nothing lie at last offered
to buy it even at a considerable ad
vance upon tho original price
It wasnt strange yon didnt recog
nize your rescmhlanco to tho pictuiu at
first Baid tho painter but I knew
youd notice tho likeness as soon as I
added thoto ears Spare Moments
Mnrrlnne liy Hiilter
Among ignorant peoplo of English
birth it is fully bolioved that a wife
bought with monoy or goods in legally
married if tho purchaser leads her all
the way homo by a halter
Mr Baring Gould tho English anti
quarian tells of a village poet known
to him who bought a wifo for a half
crown and lod her 13 miles to his cot
tage
Tho squire and the rector protested
to the village poet that ho was not
legally wedded
Why yes I be ho replied Ill
take my Dible oath I never oiico took
the halter off till ehed crossed the door
sill and tho door was shut
Tho latest instances of such wife sales
occurred in 1858 and 1859 when wom
en were sold in Little Hoi ton and in
Dudley In theso cases a blue ribbon
took the placo of tho straw halter
But gontle ladies tho symbolic idea
was the sumo
A IjOiikIi on Lnrd Kelvin
A good story is related of Lord Kel
vins lecturing methods at tho Glasgow
university As a professor of science he
cau use long words in such formidable
array as would i uko a dictionary break
its binding wiui horror During a
courso of lectures once on magnetism
for instance ho defined an ideal mag
net as an infinitely long infinitely
thin uniform and uniformly and longi
tudinally magnetized bar and the
misguided students vocifeornsly cheer
ed which caused tho professor to say
Silencol This definition was made
ami cheered with the usual reprimand
frequently during tho lectures Once
near the conclusion howovor tho stu
dents did not cheer but Lord Kelviu
from force of habit rapped out Si
lence I the same as before
A Cute lutl
A young Irishman once went to a
kind hearted old squire for a recom
mendation An elahorato one was writ
tcu and rend to him lie took it with
thanks but did not move
Whats tho matter with it roared
the squiro
Oil notbiu sorr said the lad
quickly
Well then why dont yon go
Sure sorr I thought on tho striugth
of a recommiud like that youd bo
wuntin to hire me San Francisco
Argonaut
AX UNCANNY ST011Y
ORIGIN OF THE SOULIXSS MONSTCil
OF FHANKCNSTCIN
Tlir liirrrlliK lllnturj of nn Old
1 lino iiu l Tlinl U Dflen Vlloilrl
tit In Literature uuil lit Tlmm quot
ed lueorreillj
nverybmly or newly ovotybody has
hcaid of the novel of riiiltkeiistelii
though It l not piolmlilo that many
pel sunt leiul It luiwuilnvs Theie are
mi many allusions lo It In our litem
tine howexer that one absoibs some
soit of a notion of It so that ho can
not help Know lug Unit It is a welid atnl
gluislly story about a monster but
whether or not riaiiLeiisteln Is the
monster een well Informed people do
not alwajrt know showing that they
neer lend the story
Sometimes u hear allusions to
KniiiUeintelns monster as In one of
Chillies Sumners oiations wheie ho
speaks of thu soulless monster of
KiaiiKetistein the wretelied eientlon
of nun till seleiico without tJnd and
hoinet lines the lofeieneo Is to Kianlt
eiisloln only us if he weie the mon
ster Of colli su Stunner who was
very piiitlcular In his use of llgnies of
speech was light When Mrs Uelniul
In her Hue novel of Sidney makes
Major Lee say that Chiistliinlly Is a
riankenstelii she sufleis the major
to talk nonsense
Thu story of this weird novel and tho
clicunistaiiees under which It ennui to
bo wilt ten ate decidedly Intel est Ing
and may be told In a few woids The
facts mo as follows
In 1SH Mary Codwln nfterwwd
Mrs Shelley eloped with Shelley nutl
they took up their lesldence near Ge
neva In Switzerland They had Loid
Ityion for a neighbor and the tlneo
passed much time together Their con
versation fioquently inn on the occult
and the mysterious and Ityion one day
proposed that each should wiite a
ghost story All agteetl and went to
work but It was not long befoie the
two poets gae It up as a hopeless
task They could write poetry but
they could not wiite stoiles
Mary perseveied and completed her
tnle In the spilng of 1817 When My
ron and Shelley henid It read they
were hinpiiscd and delighted It was
bound to be the novel of the century
The name of it was Fianketistein or
The Modem Prometheus It was Im
mediately sent to London for publica
tion and met with a great success
Frankenstein Is a Swiss youth a
student at the Unlveislty of Ingol
stadt deeply Intel ested In the study of
chemistry and natural philosophy lie
resolves to penetiate the mysteries of
life and death and wicst from nature
the secret of creation After prolong
ed btudy he succeeds and discovers
how to impart movement and anima
tion to lifeless matter
He then resolves to mold a colossal
man making him beautiful In form
and feature and Imbue him with life
He carries on his work In a studio far
fioin the habitations of man labors
long nnd sectetly and at last the work
Is completed There in the gieat loom
lies the form and semblance of a hu
man being perfect In all his propor
tions Frankenstein l elates the stoiy
It was on a dready night In Novem
ber that I beheld the accomplishment
of my tolls With an anxiety that al
most amounted to agony I collected
the instruments of life aiound me that
I mlLht Infuse a spnik of being Into
the lifeless thing that lay at my feet
It was alieinly 1 oclock In the
morning The lain pattered dismally
against the window panes and my
candle was neaily binned out when
by the glimmer of the half extinguish
ed light I saw the dull yellow eye of
tho creatine open It breathed haul
and a convulsive motion agitated its
limbs
Slowly the Immense creature arose
and the artist frightened at his own
work fled away Then ho returns to
find his creation possessod of life and
every attribute of humanity except a
soul Nowhere can it find human sym
pathy It Is out of harmony with all
things about It and after searching
tho world In pursuit of happiness It
returns again to Frankenstein and de
mands that he make a companion with
whom it cau live u sympathy and
love
Frankenstein declines and thence
forth the monster pursues him with
hatred and revenge It slays his broth
ers and sister his friend and his bride
It follows him to Itusbln to Siberia
and Into the Arctic ocean nnd there
creature and artist perish together It
Is a most uncanny story to read o
nights
Sir Walter Scott reviewed tho novel
In The Quarterly but while admitting
Its power confessed ho did not like It
Our tnsto and our Judgment revolt lit
this kind of writing All the critics
agreed as to Its daring originality
Chicago Post
DoiiiiHtla Snrenmn
lie at breakfast My dear the pa
per says there was quite a lire In our
block early this morning It Is sup
posed to have been the work of an In
cendlnry
She Well dont let a little thing Uko
that worry you
He Why what do you mean
She Nobody will ever accuse you of
building It Chicago News
A Perfectly Natural question
Pat said his young wife I wish
you wouldnt put your knife In your
mouth when you eat
An phvveie would yez hev mo put
It said Pat in astonishment lu mo
eyes Harpers Hazar
Flowers nre tho terrestrial stars that
bring down heaven to enrth and carry
up our thoughts from earth to heaven
the poetry of tho Creator written in
beauty and fragranc
POET BURNS AS A PUGILIST
A Mnxnnle siinrulr of II In IlKliHnw
Alillll OmiiciI In lileimo
A pail of the Masonic altar that once
brought the Scottish bind ltobeit
Itui us In dire llsgiaee befoie his
lodge Is now In the possession of n
Chicago woman Mis W F Fiiueh of
irt Sidney avenue and Is tieasuied
bj her as a family hell loom
Mis Fundi is by lilt I li a Canadian
of Seoteh oiigln In the davs when her
griiiidfathei ieoige MacKae was
young he attended the same lodge as
did Hobble Km us and was one of tho
llehts of the town One nlghl befoul
lodge meeting the poet and MaeUae
sat long together
HutmliiK at tlin nappy
And Ktttn foil mid unco lumpy
And then aim In aim they saiinteied
slowly to the loom wheie the Masons
wete wont lo assemble
All would have gone well had not
Hums deslied to show his Masonic
brethien how good a pugilist he was
and he let go n heavy undeieiil at Mae
Hue amusing the billets lighting
blood mid Hie bout began which te
stilted In Miieltae being foiled lo the
Hour and Hubble Hums tin owing the
four leggid altar or stand tit him as
he atteiupted to llse
Luekllv he missed him aim and the
stand stunk violently against the wall
Hhatteiing completely one of the legs
At the following meeting the two
friends weie biouglit befoie the older
for trial A Hue was Imposed on them
and thev weie made to leplaee the al
tar The bioKeii oin was thrown out
and as Mm line went home he can led
the stand w Itli him
It Is it I ii mi t two feet high and Is of a
style out of use today In the Masonic
order II lias since been preserved In
the fntnllv as an heirloom Chicago
Tilbuue
HE WAS A MASON
Vol tin I iifcclliiK Imiht Siiiiril ftnvft
II lilt tin- ti rim tl Ililluli
A well know n Chicago publisher
speaking ol sicnes and Incidents In
that oily In the trying days alter the
big lite said The great Hie was a
thing of the iieent past and the down
town pottiou of the city a scene of Hie
gieatest i oiifusloii About 1 oclock In
the evening while on my way to my
home In the west division I was ac
costed by a man of lespectable appear
ance who asked me to give him the
pi Ice of a lodging
Im not a beggar snhl he but
Im In hard luck A man told me that
some Masons weie in session over this
wav If I could Hud them Id be all
right
I happen to know n lodgeroom on
Canal street wheie theie is a meeting
tonight said I Come along Ill take
you theie
The place reached I conducted him
up n long lllght of stairs and knocked
at a door
Im not a Mason said I to n man
who seemed to be acting in the ca
pacity of a guai d but Ive run acioss
one of your fraternity who seems to bo
In hard luck I take it youll he glad lo
do something for him
Congratulating myself on having
done a good act I pushed my chance
acquaintance forward and retreated
tovvaid the stairway A wblspeied con
versation ensued when the guaid vx
claimed
Voure not a Freemason
No replied my late charge but
Im a stone mason out of a job
The roar of laughter that Issued
f i oiii the half open door inado me wish
myself a Mason As It was I hur
riedly quitted the place Chicago
Chronicle
He Siov Her Home
On a rainy afternoon not long ago
one of the pietty young matrons of
Connecticut avenue loft the car from
which she had ridden up town and
darted through the drizzle toward her
home a few doors from tho corner She
had no umbiella A Willie of the chni
acterlstlc type who was riding In tho
same car noticed that she had no um
brella He was right after her with hla
own umbrella up and extended
May 1 see you home miss he In
quired laugulshlugly stepping up
alongside of her
She turned to him with a dazzling
smile
Ceitnlnly she replied Watch
me And she tan up the stops of her
home and entered tho vestibule door
without looking hack
The rude thing muttered the Wil
lie blushing to tho roots of Its wavy
hair as Laura Jean would say and
then It took the next car Washington
1Obt
Nome fiooil AnnRram
The following Is a list of very
re-
markable anagrams
Astronomers no moro stars cata
logues got as a tiue j elegant neat leg
Impatient Tim is a pot matrimony
Into my arm melodrama made moral
midshipman mind his map old Kng
long golden laud parishioners I hire
parsons parliament partial men pen
itentiary nay I repent It Presby
terian best In prayer revolution to
love ruin sweetheait there wo sat
telegraphs great helps
Forcible Proof
What was your father whipping
you for last night asked one small
boy of another
Oh leplled the other wo had an
argument about my Sunday school les
son and he was proving to me that tho
whale actually did swallow Jonah
Troy Times
Small kindnesses small courtesies
small considerations habitually prac
ticed In our social Intercourse give a
greater charm to the character than
tho display of great talents and accom
plishments M A Kelly
Some people like to be generous Just
to brag about It Cleveland Leader
IF
tf t wetp ninn ttm wrninn ulit
IM tuaki in uimk via I itiii
Id IiaiI Ilia umlil Willi it iMtlln riy
And Id lie jimmi ki t lmiilil illii
II I uiti nun
II 1 wrre innlli tlin old inli rtlfl
MM mlm All hnlur Id K nltli the lllj
Id win In uiiy to tlin lilulii t ilin
Ami mlik to lnuiiir n Auk III iinio -It
I ui to J out li
It I unn rlili llir four man tliittmlil
Id kIm II Hi li miiHiil
Id m ll till itnnr mid Id IlHl in limit
And KOiiilniu nnd I miiiiM in lit ill
II I weie ilili
And In II all time Id mint true
I In- ttinnili n inin llir mill it jiiulli
Dm nmr mini ilili linn nil In Until
TMi win Il uould bo m l n khI tlitiniail
Inn It ll
Juiinn i nlli llll III NiW nik Nun
A WOMANS VETO
Why ii Orlitlit INimiiI iiiliilm iit
n Vini r ruiillriiuil
All Incident which oeeiiiied dining
the llrst Cleveland iidmliilstiatloii II
llisttates the good feeling existing be
tween the newspaper men and the
chief of the biiteau of naval construc
tion A iciliilii ooiiespondiiil who
was on pinllciiliiily Intimate terms
with the chief called at his olllee and
was icichcil with unusual conllalllv
Calling the eoiiespondeiit by his Hist
inline the chief said Look hert
Hlank I want yon to do something for
me Mr s appointment to a place
In this ilepinliiient after being rotight
tllliillgh two i oiigt esses has prevailed
has been signed by Seeietary Whitney
and only walls the slgiiatuio of tho
piesldeut ou of all men In Wash
ington can llml out what action Hie
piesldeut will lake ami I think von
know a way to prevent the document
being signed
The eoiiespondeiit leplled 1 think I
know a way lie left the building and
went for Miss who was at that
time doing Washington society for
the Associated Pi ess To her he told
the story and explained what he
wauled done
Miss obtained an audience with
Mis Cleveland and told what she
canie foi Mis Cleveland went to the
piosidenls desk and singled oul a
paper with the lemark Theie I guess
that Is the one jini mean She thru
tinned a corner of the document down
and left It
In the emu so of his woik the piesl
deut came lo the paper and then In a
hiupilsed tone said lo Seeietary La
inont Dan do vou know anvlhlng
about this appointment
Mr Laiuout did not Know anything
about It
Well said the piesldeut Frances
has evidently tinned this down for a
purpose I guess Its all light And the
otllclal signal in e was not attached
Philadelphia Post
Irii rli Ultimo
A eoiiespondeiit of literature sends
nn Intel estlng anecdote of Halzac to
that join mil Leon Golan used to re
late how he met Haltic one day on the
Houlevaid des Capiielnes dying with
hunger The novelist Insisted on tak
ing Colan to a confectioner who sold
macaroni patties Forgetting his hun
ger Halac plunged Into an appi eola
tion of Coopeis Lake Outfit io new
ly appealed CoIan noticed that the
shop attendant an Ihigllsh glil had
heaid him aildiess Hnlao by name and
was gazing at the author as though
fascinated She was astounded pres
ently by the appetite of genius lor
macaroni patties which dlsappeaied
by couples
Mow much do 1 owe you asked
Halac
Nothing M Halzac said the Lug
Hsh glil firmly
Hallc was nonplused for a moment
then he pushed his pi colons copy of
Lake Ontario Into the girls hands
saying I can never siilllelently regret
madauiolselle that I did not write that
hook
Not 11 In Kind
Two inombeiH of a well established
firm that does business in tho whole
sale district Indulged In the following
dialogue the other afternoon
Junior Partner Why didnt you glvo
that man a chance Wo need another
clerk here ami I rather like his looks
Senior Partner I liked his looks too
hut hes no good
Junior Partner How do you know
that
Senior Partner When a man who Is
looking for a Job comes to mo and
says I suppose you dont want to
hire any one today do you thats
enough If he had anything lu him
hed como right out and say what ho
meant If he supposed we didnt want
to hire nny one why did ho waste our
time and his by coming lu to bother
us Chicago Times Herald
Triumphant
When you get lu a crowd my dear
said Mr Winkles to his wife always
look out for pickpockets
Pin not afraid of them dearest
answered Mis Winkles They cant
pick my pocket
Thnts Just like you women eald
Mr Winkles always so sure Pray
tell mo why you couldnt liavo your
pockets picked
Hecause I havent got nny answer
ed Mrs Winkles proudly narpers
Hazar
Slretchlnir to Kent
When a man Is tired ho stretches his
arms and legs nnd yawns Hlrds nud
animals bo far as possible follow his
example Hlrds spiond their feathers
and also yawn they open their mouths
slowly till they are lound the boues of
tho head seem to loosen and tho gills
open
Some musicians get along on their
cheek but the corulst depcuds on his
lips Philadelphia Hullctin
The average walking pace of a
healthv man or woman Is said to be 75
steps a minute
i
TAMKDTIIKIOCKKYS
THU MIDGUTS LACH MAI A HAD CASE
Ol SWLLLIID HEAD
A SimiililiiK Iter n WiiMph ICnen
in fit One mill nil I neei einiin Inn
Illinlili Inin Hie lleeiiu TmiL tlin
Inmilenee till ol In- Oilier
II Is a iiototlotis fact said an old
hoi soman Hint successful JoekejH
ate moid nlllleled with the big head
than 11113 boi class of mldgels joiiiu
liable lo meet up with on two occa
sions that I lecall Ive seen A ileaii
wallets take pioiuiueiil Aiueileaii
Jockevs down when Hie hiller have be
come liiHiillcinblo lu their conduct
Some jews ago an custom Jockey
whoso fame was spiead bioiidoast
IIiioiikIioiH the ineltig woild was tak
ing diniiei with a pally of loollshly
Idolalloiis tileiiilM III the Cllll House
iiilslde of linn Francisco The Jockey
had been ildlng dining the winter rac
ing In ami mound Sun Finnebioo and
tin Mils dav ho had won the swell ovenl
of tho vein on 11 lathei 110 account
hoi so Coiiscquoiillj his hat was 11
whole lot loo small lot him
lie was 1111 Insulting little chap at
heal hut on Ibis occasion he simply
lot his tongue tun away with his
brains ills humor lool the Inin of
joshing an old time waiter at the illf
Mouse who hail lieou 111 1 illlloinui
slmo the ilajs of the Al goiiaills The
old mini had long side whlskeis and
the lookoj made siindty and divers te
iiint Km to the wnllei alioiil he oppor
tunilv he was giving lo the wind by
wealing whlskeis ol llml pailleiilar
length and ho old man look Iho talk
guild milmcdlv without pavlng much
atteniioii lo Iho loin h of Hastiness lu
the midgets lemaiUs llnallv liovv
evoi when the wine had gone mound
pietty Ileelv the ocley leached up
behind ills 1 hall as Hie old waiter was
In the ait of pel lot tiling some Utile
sei v he for the men at the talile ami
twisting his lut ml In the hah 011 one
side of the old seivltols ll lie
eiiilclj pulled oul a falily lingo hand
ful ol the laltets whlsloiM
The old man leaped back with pain
and ludimiailoii tho ockey laughing
at him Idlollcnlly Then the waiter
coolly llllcd the locKov oul of his chair
by tiie sctiiir of the neck sat down
and oaliiilv deposited the midget acioss
his knees fli e dowiiwilld
Son said the waller tholes
soiiieihliig that youve stood In need of
for a long lime past Judging fioin
jour notions here dining the past few
months and Dial something youre
about to get and get good nnd ho
biouglit he palm of an ample hand
down with a smack thai Hounded very
pleasant Indeed unto the ems of alt
the lest of the peoplo lu the loom ex
cept the Joekojs fi lends who had
soon the beaid pulling incident Then
ho biouglit both hands into play and
the lataplan told of splendid execu
tion The Jockey kicked and strug
gled bill he couldnt hi oak loose and
he had to lake his medicine Thou his
friends ul tho table Jumped to his res
cue and quickly lolling Hie Jockey
slide on to the Moor the old waiter
liioioughlv moused Jumped up and
knot 1 eil them down one nfter the oth
er lie Jusl polished them all oil lu de
tail and when he laid got thioiigh with
tholii he stood Ills giolllld Then till
malinger appealed 011 the si one and
when ho was told by a number of oth
er gnosis pioinlnciit men vvhal had
happened he assisted in kicking the
puny out of the house
Another lime a jockey who leaped
Into piniiiiuoiico with meteoric speed
by reason of his winning two of the
gieat events of the eastern turf lu
quick succession got the worst of it at
the hands of a Coney Island waiter
I saw the Incident myself The Jockey
had had such a mighty accession of
tho I am It spirit that he considered
he could perform all sorts of mean llt
Uj tricks at the expense of all hands
nud do the same with Impunity On
this day he had won three straight
races and his Impeiloiisuess was
something monumental He took din
ner with three bookmakers on one of
the big Coney Island plots The man
who waited on the party was a bullet
head hut a quiet attentive man at
that He was removing some platea
after the second courso when tho jock
ey picked up a siphon of seltzer and
deliberately squirted half tho bottle
full In the waiters face The waiter
wiped his face and his shirt front off
with his table towel and then he walk
ed up to the Jockeys chair and said
Have you had yer dip In de sea jit
tday Freddy V
No said tho Jockej with an ex
pression of sin prise on his face as if
he wondered what was coming
I fought not said the bullet
headed waiter Hats do reason Im
goln t let you have It now
Then the waiter Maidenly picked
tho famous Jockey up and before any
nf the men at the table could Interfere
ho carried him over to the railing of
the pier and dropped the midget horso
rider luto the water about 15 feet be
low
I Jist want t see If do little
snoozer wit do swelled nut kin swim
as well as ho kin ride a horse bald the
waiter quietly watching the Jockey
come to the surface and strike out
The jockey could bvvini and ho made
tho beach without any trouble but ho
didnt returu to the pier Washing
ton Star
MlanliiK Time
What do peoplo do with their sur
plus time They used to weavo the
cloth their garments weie made of ami
make them by baud They now get
them ready made at the stores It
takes less time to do every act of
drudgery than It used to take What
becomes of the surplus time If wo
have gained an hour over our ances
tors what becomes of it Atchison
Ulobe