THE NORFOLK WEEKLY NEWS-.10UKNAL , FRIDAY , .U'NE 30 , 1911.
The Norfolk Weekly News-Journal
The News , Established 1881.
The Journal , Established 1877.
THE HU8E PUDLI8HING COMPANY
W. N. . A. Huso ,
President. Secretary.
lvery Friday , lly iniill per year , $1.50.
Entered nt tlie poHtolllco at Norfolk ,
Net ) . , UK HOCHiul class matter.
Telephones : Editorial Department
No. 212. lIUHlness Olllcc and Job llooius ,
No. 11 22.
Life wants bachelors arrested for
contempt of courtship.
That Oyster Hay dateline Isn't being
used much this summer.
IB the American army still In Texas ,
or has It all melted away ?
Government mints are not In It with
% *
* ! Julep with the thermometer In
the
Halt ! has an & rccio General
named Just. If his caiTbS
name he should win.
Mrs. Carrie Nation did not make hci
dramatic Iiht | ; against the saloon Ir
vain. She left a fortune of $20,000.
England's first military aeroplane
has been named the May-fly. Ol
course it may and then again It maj
not.
A baker's trust has tieen organized
but the rolling pin will continue U
be a weapon of offense and defense it
many homes.
They only hilled three aviators am
Injured two out of fifty Sunday at th <
meet at Vlncennes , France. Play the
game , boys !
Considering that George V'a crowi
cost $7,500,000 , he Is not In any posl
tlon to criticise the cost of his wlfe'i
Bummer hat.
There is a man In St. Louis win
boasts that his wife thinks more o
him than anything else on earth ex
cept her pet dog.
What an awful Job Mrs. Taft wil
have to count nil those silver spooni
dally , to see if burglars or the hire *
girl has got any of "em.
A good many people sigh for Eas ;
street , when as a matter of fact It' :
the most disagreeable and unsatlsfac
tory avenue that life offers.
The park about New York's nev
library Is fully occupied , and If they'i
serve pink ten inside , perhaps som
one would come in and look at th <
books.
If congress is going to get Uncl
Sam's garden hoed before the snov
files , they've got to do something be
tides smelling around the pig pen fo
bad odors.
A German killed himself in St. Loul
because he could not learn to speal
English. It seems surprising that :
wan should expect to learn English 1 :
St. Louis.
The Nashville Tennesseean find
fault with W. J. Bryan for eating porl
chops in June , but no man ever live <
on mush and milk and ran a success
ful newspaper.
"College girls listen to baccalai
reate" Is the way the newspapers hea
it up. Considering all the dressmal
ers did for them , it takes faith to b <
Ueve they listened.
Judging by the rusted condition c
the Maine , If they had waited a littl
longer before trying to dispose of I
there would have been nothing t
raise or to remember.
Postmaster General Hitchcock say
the railroads could carry the mail fc
$9.000,000 less. Uncle Sam Is th
only man in the country who nevt
kicked on railroad rates.
John Muir , the naturalist , has gen
to Chili to see a rare tree. If It is an
kind of a fruit tree , we have the fee
ing that some small boys of our neigl
borbood will get there first.
Plenty of places are sighing for th
privilege of entertaining the nort
pole through the summer season. Wh
< lldn't Peary bring it along and a fe
icebergs to keep it company ?
The fleet of submarines stayed ui
der water ten hours off Cape Cod las
week , but they won't do it after tli
summer girl gets located .it the shot
resorts with all her fluffy clothes.
Some , of the friends of the othe
candidates for the presidential non
ination are saying that Woodrow Wl
ton is not a democrat. Some peopl
would consider that a handsome con
pllment.
A Japanese university has esta'
llshed a chair of commercial problt ;
It would never do to have anything <
that sort In America. It would be pr
hiblted on the ground of disturbir
business.
Those wise in affairs of state sn
the senate is going to vote for rec
proclty but it Is going to wear tl
country out first. It need not wor
any longer to accomplish that em
The country is already in a threadbare
condition ,
Kansas Is calling for help to hnrvcct
her great wheat crop and It is estimat
ed that 18,000 young men from other
states have answered the call. An exchange -
change styles It "tho mobilizing of tlit
yolden legion. "
It has cost $800,000 In special nttor
noy's fees to prosecute the trusts foi
two years. We may never get the
money back , but It's worth It to fee !
you can start a peanut stand wlthoul
ashing Wall street.
Hilly Sunday has just finished sl >
weeks evangelistic services In Toledo
Ohio , and received $15,000 fiom the
people for his labors. This woult
have lasted the old-time itinerant mln
ister about thirty years.
The hotel men from all over the
country met at Boston the past week
and wo hope the serried phalanx o
open palms inado them aware hov
the public feels when asked to pai
two prices for everything ; , . * " ' "
. .v 'r "
It is reported that our representa
tlvo at the coronation ceremonies
John Hayes Hammond , is threatenei
with nervous prostration. No wonder
if It Is ns hot In London as it is here
and he has to spend hours in ImpOE
Klbly elaborate clothing.
It takes a Boston man to be pollti
under trying circumstances. Prof.
C. Curry of that city was knockei
down the other day by a St. Loul
street car. As soon as he recoverei
his breath he apologized to the cor
ductor for delaying traffic.
There are many congressmen whi
get "applause" in the Congresslonn
Record who rarely get it from thel
constituents. One member from Wes
Virginia credited himself with elgl
teen outbursts of applause in n shor
speech printed in the Record whic !
ho never delivered.
One railroad company has supplie
its Pullman porters with vacuur
cleaners with which to extract th
dust from the passengers' clothinj
The intention of the railroad may h
beneficent , but the chances are thn
these porters will use the machines t
extract pay dirt rather than ordlnar
dust.
There Is no question but what th
number of flies has been appreclabl
reduced in the past ten years. Tw
factors have united to bring about thl
desirable decline in the annual fl
crop , the smaller number of horse
used in towns and cities and the di
termined crusade against the pesti
erous little Insects.
A manuscript of eighteen page
found in a monument of the elevent
dynasty in Egypt and supposed to b
over 4,000 years old , laments the goo
old times that have passed away , an
warns the young against the evils (
that day. This proves that the desii
to return to the "good old days" ha
prevailed in the human heart sine
the time of Abraham.
The results of the mobilization (
the troops in Texas has been worth a
that it cost. The nation will never fu
ly know how much trouble and vex ;
tlon with other nations was prevente
by the prompt action of Presidei
Taft. The truth is that If the Monrc
doctrine Is to be maintained the Uni
ed States must make it very plain 1
the other great nations of the eart
that it is not only competent but wll
ing .to act as the big policeman whe :
ever any trouble breaks out on th
continent.
New York has Just completed a
rangements for undertaking new su
way projects to cost $257,000,000. Tl
biggest work now in the hands of or
government , state or national , at hon
or abroad , so says Mayor Gaynor , ar
the figures support his statement , f <
while as much or more will be Gpei
on the Panama canal It is doubtf
whether , when completed , the can
will have cost anywhere near as mm
as the New York underground railwt
system when completed , for the pre
ent plans are confessedly Incomplet
Gov. Robinson of Arkansas hi
found out for himself how insignificai
governors may be when they real
try hard. He attempted to veto tl
resolution passed by the legislature
that state ratifying the proposed i
come tax amendment. After the ve
he took up the constitution of tl
United States and discovered that
provides that congress may "propoi
amendments" which shall be val
"when ratified by the legislatures
three-fourths of the different states
It doesn't say a word about governor
Like the boy who was kicked by tl
mule , the governor of Arkansas w :
never look quite as handsome but be
know a whole lot more.
It is generally accepted In Englai
that Lloyd-George's latest scheme f >
insuring against sickness and non-ei
ployment will be adopted. It Is es
mated that this measure and the o
age pensions will , combined , make
total of $125,000.000 contributed by tl
tax-payers to the needy , annuall
That the poor laborers of Englai
need this amount under present co
dltlons is unquestioned , but the givii
of this great sum yearly dr.es not rei
edy the conditions. At best the
measures are simply palliatives. They
are not cures. It Is a striking exam
ple of the evils that come from cgn-
gcnted population and an over-Indus
trialism. That way lies degeneincy ,
pitiable poverty and vast riches.
The British people are feeling high
ly Incensed lit the- action of Sir Wil
fred Laurier In bluntly refusing to
accede to any Imperialistic proposals
that would tend to bind members of
the British empire together more per
manently , and In stoutly asserting the
right of Canada to adjust all her trade
relations with other countries.to suit
herself and herself alone. If the mem
ory of the British people were a little
longer , it would understand that Sir
Wilfred's attitude Is the direct result
of the action of the British parliament
toward him and the Canadian people.
The time was when Sir Wilfred was
ready to bo ns much of nn imperialist
as any one , but the British govern
ment refused to meet his advances by
so much as a step. It.is . Te3J > , ! rg now
whatjt entj-fl { tfur'years ago.
The vacation season is at hand ,
Many thousands of people have looked
orward to it with varying anticipn
Ions for months , yet how many out ol
he thousands who arc able to Indulge
n any kind of vacation trip , get the
rest and relaxation which their phys
cal and nervous systems require tt
H them for another year's strain'
There are too many who work hardei
'laving ' a "jolly good time" than have
through the year at their regular em
ployment , others try to do the bun
dred and one things that accumulate
like old furniture in a garret , thai
must be done "some time. " These
things you mean to do some time
grow into n heavy chain that drag !
one down till vacation time comes
then in a spirit of desperation yox
rush in and try to clean up your men
tal garret in a few short weeks. The
result Is anything but restful to the
tired body and brain.
Col. Goethals' insistence that congress
gross take up at once the matter o
tolls on the Panama canal is easily ex
plained and the importance of his de
sire made plain. The first is thi
meeting this year of a conference o
steamship companies in Europe to fl :
freight rates on most commodities fo
a long time to come. If these are fixee
without regard to any toll on the ca
nal , it may result in a great loss o
business for the canal at the ver ;
start. The second reason Is that tw <
great steamship companies are plan
nlng to build ships for the westen
coast trade through the canal. If. th <
toll to be exacted Is prohibitively high
the ships will not be built , if they ar
going to be low enough to admit of ;
profitable business enterprise th
builders ought to know it for It take
two years to build the ships and b ;
the time they are ready for use th
canal will be practically completed
If this question of tolls goes over t
the December session it will result 1 :
considerable loss to the government
In view of a remark that was mad
at the Ad club banquet the other nigh
by a stranger In the city , during th
course of an address , this point want
to be emphasized in connection wit
the existence of both a Commercis
club and an Ad club In Norfolk th
Ad club and Commercial club are hot
working for the same upbuilding c
Norfolk , not as rivals but as co-opera' '
ing organizations , and for the sake c
Norfolk there must be harmonious ce
operation between them. The Ad clu
appreciates , The News has reason t
believe , all the good work that th
Commercial club has done and is d <
ing ; and the Commercial club recoj
ni7.es in the Ad club a healthy ce1
boosters' association whose only ah
is to build up Norfolk. It is not
question of which club shall do this c
that , or which shall have credit fc
this , that or the other. The upbuilt
ing of Norfolk is the aim of both an
both clubs are composed of enthue
aetic Norfolk boosters who have n
axes to grind and no motive for the )
activity other than Norfolk's advanc <
ment into her proper position as th
commercial hub of the richest agricu
tural territory in the world.
THE OIL ROAD.
The completion of the oil road o
South Thirteenth street , for three an
a half miles out of Norfolk , marks tl :
beginning of a new epoch of roadmal
Ing in northern Nebraska , and the No
folk Commercial club , which took tl
contract to do the work for the count ;
has earned by its achievement a las
Ing place In north Nebraska's heart.
Good roads have come to be recoi
nized as one of the greatest needs c
the country. The farmers are begli
nlng to realize the money that goc
roads will save them. Sooner or late
they will be built all over Amerlc :
And it marks a community as pr
gressive , which gets into the front c
these enterprises and plays the rol
of the pioneer.
A GREAT CROP OUTLOOK.
When this country needs rain ,
rains.
The two great rains that fell ov <
north Nebraska and southern Dakot
Saturday and Sunday , following tl :
heavy rain of a week previous , hn\
put the crops in territory tributary (
Norfolk , in ideal condition and n boui
tlful harvest in every line of soil-pr
duce , is now anticipated.
Never did the crops look bette
around Norfolk. Corn IB two weel
ahead of the average year , wheat Is
an excellent yield , oats is an average
crop and rye was never so good. The
rain has done wonders for pastures ,
hay and potatoes.
Prosperity Is the order of the day
and business Is bound to hum In this
territory during the coming fall and
winter.
It's a good time to stick around
Norfolk.
NORFOLK'S TERRITORY.
G. L. Carlson gave Norfolk some
startling figuies the other night fig
ures that It would bo well worth while
to publish to the world. He pointed
out the fact that the soil In ten coun
ties around Norfolk , an area of ninety
miles square , Is of a quality which can
know no crop failure , regardless of
drouth , It is a loess soil , the most
productive in the world , and its fertil
ity is the foundation for the building
of an empire hereabouts which must
demand pnij fUpport a city luSTiS * times
nrger than the Norfolk of today.
Mr. Carlson combatted the oft tolel
ale that there is In the Black Hllh
he richest 100 square miles In the
vorld. That area of gold mines pro
duces $3,500.000 a year on an average
and once went almost to $6,000,000
n comparison with this the ninctj
niles square around Norfolk produce !
every year $75,000,000 in farm pro
lucts more than twelve times the
wealth produced in "the richest 10 (
nlles square in the world" of the
Black Hills.
Mr. Carlson's research work in get
ing at the facts about this country
ought , to instill a pride in northerr
Nebraska that the region never hai
known before. It ought , too , to instil
a determination to get down to mon
scientific farming methods and thui
to give this splendid poll a chance te
do its best work.
BURR TAFT , BUILDER.
In connection with the oil roae
which has just been constructed 01
South Thirteenth street out of Nor
folk , the people of Norfolk feel in
tensely grateful to County Commis
sioner Burr Taft , whose efforts mad <
this progressive enterprise possibl <
and who may well bo termed the fa
ther of oil roads in northern Nebraska
But for Mr. Taft's untiring zeal Nor
folk would have no oil road today.
DuiJng his service on the board o
county commissioners , Burr Taft ha
done so many things for Norfolk thn
this city hardly knows where to begii
first in trying to express its appreci.i
tlon for his achievements In Norfolk'
behalf.
The successful conquest of the w.i
ter which formerly rushed down Int
the west end of the city from hill
northwest , and which for years causei
thousands of djollars of damage am
greatest discomfort to residents o
that portion of the town , was due e >
clusively to Burr Taft. The comple
tion of a good road on South Firs
street was due in a large measure t
Burr Taft. The building of a substai
tlal bridge across the Northfork o
Norfolk avenue and now across thn
river on North First street are th
work of Burr Taft and now the pie
neer oil road in this part of Nebrask
has come as a result of his enterprise
It is hard to estimate the good to
community that can be done by a ma
like that.
THE NEW OCEAN MONSTERS.
The landing in New York this wee
of the Olympic , a ship 882 feet I
length , and 175 feet from her keel t
the top of her funnels , brings to on
shores one of the marvels of the agi
It becomes of personal interest to
good many people who do not car
about Its scientific aspects , from th
fact that the big ships of this typ
practically banish the danger of se
sickness.
The number of people who travel i
Europe is about half what it would to
could one get there by rail. The othe
half are made permanently land lul
bers by the terrors of this malady.
If anyone can raise the price , for
first or second cabin trip by one of th
new large ships , let him never wasl
a moment's thought on sea sicknes
Under all ordinary conditions , yc
will be more likely to get sea sick o
your own piazza from swinging in tt
hammock.
Many people have previously bee
out in some fishing boat on the ocea
or lakes , where their little craft woul
tip up at an angle about fifty time
more unsettling than the angle :
which an ocean liner can be lifted t
the waves. Or they were out In sore
coast steamship where there Is n
ventilation other than the door froi
their stateroom to a stuffy hall.
Recollecting the distressing sym ]
toms following such an experience
when they set out for a wrestle wit
old ocean they are actually seaslc
before they leave the wharf.
In a modern ocean liner , the powe
ful motors drive into every siaterooi
a steady current of live-giving sc
air , whoso tonic tingle makes you fo
get everything except your desire fc
dinner time.
As compared with travel about ov
own country , it need not be partici
larly expensive to go to Europe. Tli
man on $1.000 salary so hates the n
tlon that he can not do everything
millionaire can do , that most of ov
people insist on knocking elbows wit
the millionaires in the first cabin , c
we won't go at all.
Meanwhile servants and other bar
working people who were born In Ei
rope Journey back and forth not infrequently
'
quently to kiss the old sod , traveling
second and third cabin with the thrif
ty conservation of resources that Is
characteristic of the narrower moniiN
of Europe.
EUROPEAN TITLE TRAFFIC.
Repn'se'iitntlvo A. J. Sabnth of Chicago
cage laid his hand on a sore spot Titus
day , when he offered In congress n
resolution Inquiring as to the purchase
of foreign titles by American women
Ho also wants to know how mucli
American money In stocks and bonds
is in European coffers , owing to the
high costs of such titles , and refers
also to the "craze of the trust-nuule
rich who are suffering from chronle
tltleltls. "
Mr. Salmth may be Joking. Or ll
serious , ho will bo everlastingly Jol
led. The remedy for this real evil h
lot to be found in acts of congress
ivhlch would tend merely to make the
sold titles more attractive still , as be
ng forbidden fruit.
Meanwhile , all Europe , from Liver
pool to Naples , Is dotted with former
ly ruined castles that are now re
gilded with American money , llu
what does European society renllj
think of the newcomers ?
The Contemporary itevlew indlcatei
the point of view by remarking : "Win
would over hear of the Americans ii
Europe except for their great wealth
And In the society which they hav <
attained , whore do they represent an ;
moral or political force ?
The bargain counters of Europeai
nobility are loaded up with dissolut <
and impoverished noblemen , usuall :
ostracized by their own class , whosi
families are only too tickled to ec ]
them for American coupons.
The process Impoverishes our hem <
land both in money and personality
It can never be stopped by any legU
latlon. Of course there are a grea
many international marriages thn
are happy. But in the also frequen
cases where a title Is squarely swnr
peel for a fortune , the American git
and her capitalistic father ought to b
made to realize that they do not get :
bargain. They have beJught and pal
for the article they wanted , but the ,
have not got the goods.
Why ? No matter how attractlv
the girl may be , as an American sh
usually has a rather picturesque ind
viduality. This shocks the social re
tape and conventionality of Europe
She Is pronounced queer , erratic. Sh
remains on the fringes of their s (
ciety. She thought she bought a lloo
ticket admitting her to all the maze
of the titled dance , but she merel
has a general admission to the ga
lery , entitling her to stand up at th
rear and look over the heads of th
natives.
COST OF NAVY YARDS.
Secretary of the Navy Meyer , speal
ing before a house committee , favoi
abandoning half of our navy yareli
Mr. Meyer's offensive minding c
other people's business is deplored b
our politicians , who feel that the prh
clpal duty of a navy is to repair pi
lltical fences , and furnish a supply t
reserves always on hand with whic
to carry caucuses.
It is on this account that the e :
pense of our navy yards has alwaj
been disproportionately large to tli
total naval bill. The jackles doin
real navy work on board a warshi ]
who have signed papers under whic
they must stand up In their llttl
boots and be fired at in case of wa
are too far distant from any partici
lar polling place to become cogs i
any political machine.
Meanwhile , the land lubbers an
hangers on and sinecurists of our r
pair shops live within half a mile e
the place where caucuses are held an
they always vote straight. They mui
bo cared for.
Thus It is that in five years up (
1909 it cost $40.000,000 to maintal
our navy yards. During a similar p
rlod the maintenance bills in Gre :
Britain's home navy yards were enl
$7,000,000.
In the New Orleans navy yard I
one recent year they paid out $78,24
for maintenance , and the shops p\ \
through a product worth $1,046.
A recent commandant at one of tl
big yards found that one of the pri :
cipal jobs was to sign routine paper
The heads of departments could n <
settle detail matters by the quk
method of talking face to face or eve
the telephone , as would be done i
any private business. Under the rule
they had to write , and the comman <
ant had to sign personally 300 to 1,0 (
routine letters dally.
The prize paper by a paymaster r
cently revealed that boat tillers , sir
pie wooden sticks , average to cost 5
to $3 In several yards. The write
said that he could buy a pick hand !
in a store that with a little whlttlln
would make two fine tillers , for I
cents.
In one yard , a building occupied t
three different bureaus had three ell
ferent heating and lighting plants. I
another a fine machine shop was o
cupied by but one man.
When will our people learn ho
their dally cost of living Is enhance
by allowing their public sen-ices to I
run by politicians Instead of by bus
ness men ?
AROUND TOWN.
Which side of the cherry pie argi
ment are you on is pie made froi
cherries with the pits in , enough be ?
ter than the other kind to overcon :
the feature of having to pit 'em when
'you t > ut It , or not ?
We > would say that WOIIUMI favored
the OUCH with the1 pits In , ( o save pit
ting 'em , If we didn't know a man who
doesn't Klve1 n dam how much weirk
the women do , and who won't eat a
cherry pie unless the pits are1 In ,
There's u weed ordinance in Nor
folk , and It ought to be enforced , along
with Mayor Friday's comiuendablo or
der to trim the trees.
We wish these two 6 e > 'cloch whis
tles would got together. We try to go
to we > rk by the last one > and quit by
the first one , hut the double alarm IH
hard on the nerves , just the same.
And speaking of whistles : There's
a man In Norfolk who Is so deaf that
he ? can't hear the' whistles at all. Ro-
milt Is , If ho ever gets started to work ,
ho never knows when to quit.
Our Idea of how not to enjoy life , Is
to travel around the country and hold
revival meetings In tent , with an audi
ence of from one to two people per
night.
We hope you like your new crown ,
king.
Dick Little of Chicago suggests that
the way to crown a king would bo for
the king to go down and pick out the
nicest crown ho could find , and wear
It home , leaving his old one to be re-
blocked and repaired with a new bane !
and sweatband , and then sent up to
the palnco for him to wear on rainy
days and days when he wanted to ge
fishing.
Do automobiles get frightened at
Fourth of July fireworks ?
Doc Wiley Is going after beer. A
man culdon't bo blamed for going af
ter any kind of a drink , this weather
"A Rise In Mutton , " says a head
line. One way to get a rise in inuttoi :
is to hit a sheep at the Country club
with a golf ball.
"Norfolk people read fiction , " says
the paper. Which proves that NorfoH
does read something besides The
News.
South Thirteenth street Is oij right
The Fourth of July is only a weel
away. First thing you know it'll b <
Christmas.
But the Fourth isn't what It used te
be.
"When Nebraska needs rain , 1
rains. I think It will rain before morn
ing. " That was the remark of s
speaker at the Ad club banquet UK
other night. It didn't rain befon
morning , but It did rain the next ane
again the next. When Nebrask !
needs rain , it does rain , all right.
What's become of the old fashlonee
man who used to lie down on Ids bad
under his automobile , to repair It ?
That's not the only change that'i
been made in the automobile busl
ness. The first car you ever saw erode
rode In , probably , was at the Trans
Mississippi exposition in 1898 , whei
you paid a quarter to die in the "horse
less carriage. " Today , thirteen year :
later , they're as common as horses.
In fact the business Is getting si
modernized that they announce 191 :
models by the time 1911 is less thai
half finished. We wonder why soim
enterprising factory doesn't slip om
over on the others and announce i
1925 model.
By way of diversion , don't you real
Ize that you would be a better cltlzei
If you would cut the weeds In front o
your home ? Won't you help maki
Norfolk a better looking town ? Oi
the square , the weeds do look awfull ;
ragged.
Are you making a Bogey record a
swatting files ?
One of the little jobs that the di
rectors of the Commercial club cut ou
for their new secretary a couple o
months ago , was a campaign for ;
hospital in Norfolk. There's no tim
like the present. And there's no dls
count on the fact that Norfolk stll
needs the hospital.
We likewise need some sort of ;
fall festival , along the Aksarben line
and if we're to have It this fall , it'
time right now to be doing something
Although W. H. Livingston is
night policeman on Norfolk avenue
officials of a local bank were notifies
by restaurant waiters that the ban !
front had blown in during the wln <
storm. Mr. Livingston , who is pas
70 and too old for his job , complain
of having to walk around on the pave
ment , because it hurts his feet. AI
parently ho wasn't hurting his fee
around the scene of trouble at 1 a. n
Monday. He probably knows no\
that n bank front blew in he reai
The News last night.
We see by the paper that the nc\
golf champion of the United States 1
a youth of 21. who started as a cadd'.e.
We see now that we started at th' '
wrong end of the game.
Six more sleeps till the Fourth.
What sort of a game was the Com
merclal club secretary trying to rib ui
anyhow ?
On some streets the crossings ar
so high that no speed limit ordinance
is necessary.
Did you catch enough soft water
wash your hair ?
Whiskers and lawns are about th
same proposition. Let 'em go longe
than they ought to go , and you can *
do a good Job mowing 'em going end
over.
SATURDAY NIGHT
iERMONS
BY
W.l'imvisliu '
PAYING YOUR FAKE.
Text , "So ho paid the faro thereof. "
Jonnh I , S.
The book of Jonah hi unique. It'u
the most ndmlrublo nhort story in the
world. Literary correspondence Hchoolw
nhould note it. It I * begun nnd Unifi
ed In forty-eight verses. Won lib of
Incident , progression of movement , va
riety of detail , dialogue ) nnd narrative' ,
nro wonderfully balanced. HH con
densation Is n model. Only ten veraw *
In the seconel chapter of this fascinat
ing book , yet they form n paragon of
worship , prayer nnd pralno. Neverthe
less no Bible book tins received half
the cannonading that Jonnh hits. The
world has had much to sny by way eif
pleasantry concerning Jonah and the
whale. It's been the lnughlngnte > ck eif
Infidel nnd the victim of higher critic.
With cnrlcnturo nnd ridicule , with Ig-
nornucc nnd learning , they've attacked
It. They've glonteel wildly over the *
size of the whnle'u throat , ghrieko of
merriment hnvo accompanied their
measurement of the whale's intestines.
The Bible unj'H the Lord "propure'd" a
Krent fish. If ho prupnrcd the Huh I
would suppose ho made the dlinenHleuiti
to suit the cnso. However , the worlel
wags on. No lens n echolnr than the
former president of the greatest unt
verslty of the went questions the Htory ,
nnd no loss n person than Christ him
self thought It worthy to quote us bei-
Ing correct I prefer to range myself
with the Inttr-r. But the utory of that
fnroff dny doetin't hnve to bo true. It'
happening In your town today.
Th Runaway Sailor.
Indeed , Jonnh IB n typo of mnny people
ple in mnny ngcs. There mnj bo Homo
In your town , In your house , possibly
one In your shoos. I'vo had some on
the passenger list of iny church. If
they'd only Jump overboard ! But , no ;
they think the cnptnln nnd the crew
nnd nil the other passengers ought to-
be thrown overboard. They wnut te >
stay nnd steer the ship. Oh , they've *
good stuff iu them , I'm sure , but they
raise storms and nearly sink the vea
scl. You BOO , the man who's running
nwny from Goel thnt'u what Jonnh
was foolishly trying to do always Is
an unhappy fellow. Did you over try
to hide yourself from God by CXCUSOB
or company or lies or loud laughter ?
God nald to Jonnh , "Go to Nineveh"
that was eastward by land. Jonah
etnrted to Tarshlsh , westward , by wn-
ter. With his bundle on his bnck ho
Blips away from his little homo town
In Galilee. Two days later he's skulk
ing through the narrow streets nnd
busy wharfs of the seaport town of
Joppa. To those heathen sailors ho's
n queer looking fish In strange waters.
But ho hns found nn ensy wny out of n
hard tnsk bo has eluded God , poor Jo
nnh ! lie has not yet learned the les
son that there's no place in ull the uni
verse , lu the world that now Is or thnt
which Is to como , for a man running
nwny from God. Duty's never done
by dodging it
Jonnh steps aboard the rough craft ,
pnys his fnre , gangplank Is hauled in ,
anchor Is weighed , sails are hoisted.
Soon the rigging is rattling in the
strong breeze of the Mediterranean.
Jonah smiles craftily ; has the nlr of a
man who's secretly done n smnrt thing.
He hns overreached God ! Ever feel
thnt wny , neighbor ? Soon bo's in the
hold nsleep. Hnrk ! Wns thnt laugh
ter ? No ; 'twas the mutter of thunder
nnd flash of lightning. Snap goes rig
ging , crash goes the mast. The ves
sel's pitching "n-bentn's end. " The su
perstitious snllors are hunting the
cnusc. They cast lots. Jonah's the
man. lie confesses. They bring him
to the side of the ship , lift him over
the guard mil nnd drop him into the
nngry wnters below. He paid his fare
to Tnrshlsh , but ho never got there.
Neither docs nny one who runs nwny
from God nnd duty. It was nn ex
pensive trip for Jonnh. lie lost money ,
time , approval of conscience and omilo
of God would have lost lifo nnd BOU !
but for GcxJ'o mercy. Bin In the BOU )
is Ilko Jonnh In the ship the smooth
est water IB turned into a tempestuous
fiea.
"Th D.vil'o Dlo * Ar * Loaded. "
Satan robs you , doesn't deliver the
goexls nnd dex n't refund. Ho tnkes
your money nnd puts you off nt n poor
landing plnco. He promises to tnko
you from Joppa to Tnrshlsh nnd thrown
you over before you nro halfway. Only
one thing is certain ho never falls to
collect the fares. Dealing with the
devil is like playing with a gambler at
his own gnmo when you arc surest
ho hns you. My scoffing friend bought
n stack of infidel books. How ho used
to sneer ! Ho paid $10 for his ticket to
Tnrshlsh when ho bought the books.
Flo landed in perdition. You pny your
price. The beautiful Chicago hclres
nmrrled the young lord with hundsomo
fuce nnd rotten chnrnctcr. Hnvo you
read her heartbroken letters ? Sho'H
paying the price. Thnt womnn who
got the extrn pnir of silk hosiery
through the clerk's mistake bragged of
being in n pnir of stockings , but she's
out n woman's finer nnd nobler in-
Htlncts. Thnt man who dodged the
trolley faro thought ho got a free ride ,
but ho didn't. Ho paid the coin of
mcnnnoss nnd dishonesty. Ho wan
poorer when he left the cnr thnn when
ho entered. You must pny the fnre.
You're pnylng either to Tnrshlsh or
Nineveh , the devil or God which ?
A classified advertisement will in
troduce you to the loser of the article *
you've found an Introduction of mu
tual Importance.
TTT \
