TilK JNOUEOLK WEEKLY NEWS-JOUUNA1 FiUDA MAY 14 1909 ,
The Norfolk Weekly News-Journal
News EBtabilflhodlSSl.
_ The Journal , EBtnbllBhcd 1 877.
THE HU8E PUBLISHING COMPANY.
VV. N. Huso , N. A. HURC ,
President. Secretary.
Every Frldny. By mnll per ycnr , 11.00.
Entenul nt the postolllco nt Norfolk ,
Mob. , ns second class matter.
Tblep'lioncB : Editorial Department
No. 22. Business Olllcc nnd Job Rooms
No. II 22.
Texas has received a Hno collection
from offending oil compnnlos ncnrly
92,000,000.
Now South Wales holds the record
for snfo railroad travel. Only ono
imssenger has been killed in seven
years.
Uncle Sam may have to give Cuba
his hand once more. She has learned
to stand , but doesn't make very .much
progress in walking.
With the wh'olo world armed to the
tcoth no power has the courage to
stop In nnd stop the horrible massn-
cro of the Armenians.
Africa will need no appropriation
for Dreadnoughts this year. The
presence of the Roosevelt battery Is
all sufficient , to prevent Invasion.
The United States army is now ns
crnltcd to Its full strength for the
first time since the Spanish war and
no moro soldiers arc permitted to
enlist.
Seventy-two now buildings , repre
senting a cost of over ton million dollars
lars , were dedicated In 1908 by the
Young Men's Christian Associations
of America.
If congress continues to drag out
the tariff discussion much longer It
would bo wise for the weather chief to
Bond n series of hot waves toward the
national capital.
The mlllluery artists of this season
tellevo that.nothing was made in vain ,
nnd to prove the theory are * using
ping-pong balls for cherries on th'o
ultra fashionable hats.
The largest turbine engine on the
Lxisitanla weighs between 400 and
1300 tons. No wonder the great steam
ship makes speed with such power as
that In her engines.
Luther Burbank Is said to have dis
covered a plant which contains both
alcohol nnd sugar. Now If he could
graft a little lemon Into It he would
produce a mighty popular plant.
Germany's railroads have been in
no way Injured , nor traffic decreased ,
by the Improved waterways. The ex
perience of railroads operating near
the Great Lakes has been similar.
Georgia estimates Its peach crop for
market at 4,000 carloads. . This ought
to fill the fruit jars of quite a number
of housewives with the luscious fruit ,
besides giving them a few fresh with
cream.
The United States has but five per
cent of the population of the earth ,
and but seven per cent of the aroi of
the earth , yet Industrially we about
equal ono half of the balance of man-
Idnd.
England has started a war on rate
with the official statement that rate
cost that small Island $75,000,000 a
year . That amount turned to use In
their extermination ought to do away
with a goodly number.
There Is one particular In which
the people are Uound to be benefited
by the tariff discussion. The people
are beginning to realize that the
money which the government spends
so lavishly comes out of their pockets.
A Kansas man became conscience
stricken because he had not listed all
his property for taxation , and drowned
himself. If ail the tax dodgers In our
cities should be seized with sudden
remorse and follow his example navi
gation of the rivers would be Im
peded.
Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landls re
cently fined a defendant ono cent.
Evidently the Judge feels that It Is
moro effective to fine ono cent nnd
collect it , than twenty-nine millions
and fall to collect any part of It. He
seems to have taken his lesson in
moderation very eerlously.
The hottest place on earth Is said
to bo the Arabian desert between
Oman and the Red sea. Scarcely any
llfo is known to exist In the Interior
and even , on the coast temperatures
higher thrfu any point in the tropics
have been recorded. This is Just the
place for Luther.Burbank to experi
ment with his spineless cactus.
Dr. Wiley has declared war on
"soft drinks. " Ono hundred samples
of syrups used In the manufacture of
those drinks show liberal quantities
of caffeine and marbledust. It would
probably bo cheaper to get the marble
dust from the quarry , and less harm
ful taken straight than mixed with a
drug-like caffeine.
Wo have enrolled in the various
schools of the United States 20,000,000
students , 17,000,000 of which are In
the public schools alone. Wo pay
annually $20,000,000 which is moro
than is Bent by the flvo greatest coun
tries of Europe , Including Great Brit
ain , for educational purposes.
Boston Is already planning n tcrccn-
tennary celebration of the landing of
the Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock In
JC20. The staid old city will have to
hurry. They only have eleven years
In which to prepare , and it takes a
long time to bake beans In the proper
Boston way.
It Is reported that China Is to send
n band of missionaries to Arkansas.
It would bo cheaper and better to
Bend Jeff Davis over to them and lot
them exert their civilizing Influence
upon him as a nation. Maybe 400-
000,000 would have a humanizing ef
fect oven on Jeff ,
All that was picturesque and poet-
cal In the habits , pursuits , costumes
and oven the names of the American
Indian Is rapidly disappearing. As an
Instance of this , Tallahassee. , chief of
the Semlnoles , recently died In Flor
ida and his successor bears the name
of Billy Bowlegs.
A man who wants to do his best and
bo his best cannot permit himself to
bo swept Into the stormbolt of pas
sion every now and then. Temper Is
too expensive an nrtfcle to keep on
tap. One cannot afford to get angry.
It takes some time to get one's physi
cal , mental nnd moral equilibrium nf-
tor nllowlng n fit of nnger to upset you.
An automobile owner in Now York
has been fined a thousand dollars be
cause his automobile killed a man , al
though ho was not In the machine at
the time. His chaffeuf has been sent
to the penitentiary for two years for
the same offense. A few sentences
like this will go a long way toward
reducing the number of motor car
mortalities.
There are many orators who might
profit by the criticism a teacher once
made of an oration prepared by a pu
pil. He returned the corrected manu
script with the remark , "If you yould
only pluck a few feathers from the
wings of your Imagination and stick
them Into the tail of your judgment ,
you would be more effective. "
Edward Payson Weston Is making
fair records as , he nears the em } of his
long walk across the continent. While
at seventy-one he" is no longer an ath
lete , he Is an example of the value of
the simple life governed by good sense
and cheerfulness. Mr. Weston lias
always worn a quiet smile that
wouldn't come off and Is honest and
kindly.
The day Is past when the "good fel
low" who gets his customers full , gets
the orders. The "good fellow" does
not hold his job very long in these
days. We are getting wiser and "busi
ness Is business" with people who
know their business. It is the man
who is earnest , Iteeps a clear head and
studies his business who wins out in
the end. A good man is worth a doz
en good fellows.
All the world rejoices In the joy of
the Hollanders over the birth of an
heiress to the throne of The Nether
lands. Queen Wllhelmma's plctur-
eque career through girlhood to the
time of her coronation and later her
marriage , was watched with Interest
by many American girls , and now
that the historic house of Orange has
an. heiress , her motherhood endears
her more than ever to our sentiment.
President Diaz of Mexico has nn-
nounced that ho will accept another
term If re-elected. This is equivalent
to his election and It seems a certainty
that he will commence his eighth con
secutive term December 1 , 1910.
Through all these years ho has not
only held public approval bui uas
grown In the estimation of the people
until no other Is thought of BO long
as he will accept. With Diaz in con
trol , Mexico Is sure of peace , of good
order , and of both wise laws and their
wise administration.
NATIONS SHOULD ACT.
The facts that massacres continue
unchecked In Asiatic Turkey is n poor
commentary upon the nations of the
world whoso own people nnd their
property have been molested. If not
for humanity's sake , then the great
powers of the earth should step In for
the sake of their own citizens. Cable
grams yesterday said that all of the
property of the Americans In one pro
vince had been 'destroyed. American
warships are enrouto to Asia Minor
and when they arrive they should
haijdle the situation without gloves.
Political reformers begin their cam
paign of education by touring the
country nnd giving public speeches
nnd lectures , but they usually end in
starting a newspaper or magazine that
they may bo able to Instruct , a larger
number of people from their own pe
culiar standpoint. Mr. Bryan has his
Commoner , Mr. LnFdlletto his own
particular organ , and now Mr. Mack ,
chairman of the democratic national
committee , is going to fill a long felt
want by establishing the National
Monthly wlilch is to be the great
champion of the democratic party. It
will soon bo necessary for every polltl-
cal reformer to publish Ills own jour
nal upholding his special brand of
reform.
The hen is unquestionably the most
useful cmlgiont over brought Into
America. Today these unassuming
and Inoffensive little creatures are
producing more wealth than all the
mines of the country and as much as
all but the first three or four of the
great agricultural staples. Better
nicthods of keeping and marketing
eggs are greatly needed , present meth
ods being both wasteful and Inefficient.
The egg trade Is just beginning to re
ceive the attention It deserves from
American business men.
Collier's Weekly in showing the dif
ference between the retired farmer
who has moved to n city or town to
tnkc things ensy nnd the city-bred
man , points to the number of widows
retired farmers lenvo behind soon
nftor their change In methods of liv
ing. The city-bred man takes exer
cise. Many of them work as hard as
the farmer did while managing his
farm , but the retired agriculturist
docs nothing but rest nnd ent nnd
soon wenrs out. Their average life
after leaving the fnrm Is about three
years. Such statistics as these ought
to make farmers who think of leaving
their land to live In town , study the
possibilities of the situation very care
fully before .making any change.
Germany having decided upon a
great navy , has proceeded to map out
the building of it with characteristic
thoroughness. The ships are , of
course , to be built at home and
equipped with German guns. There
are thirty-eight battleships of the larg
est slzer twenty cruiser battleships ,
thirty-eight small protected cruisers ,
one hundred and forty-four torpedo
boat destroyers , besides many subma
rines. A fixed number of these are to
be built every year until all are com
pleted. The announcement of the
naval policy has given a tremendous
Impetus to the ship builders , gun makers -
ers , steel , coal and iron Industries , and
the country Is more prosperous than
for many years.
Not many men have had the ro
mantic and diversified career which
has come to Louis Lombard. Thirty
Janan's exhibit at the Alaska-Yu-
Icon-Pacific exposition will be by far
the most elaborate that Nippon has
ever made. Not since the Land of
the Rising Sun was roused from the
sleep of ages by Uncle Sam have the
Japanese been so interested and wide
awake over any industrial proposi
tion as they are over the invitation
to exhibit their commercial life , the
home life of the people , their dress
now and also what It was a hundred
years ago. Other world's expositions
have been commemorative , the Alas-
ka-Yukon-Paclflc will be antlclpatlve.
It tells not of the day that was but
the day that Is to be. ,
The president Is finding to his sorrow
row that he stands practically alone
In his desire for a thorough tnriff re
vision to which he and his party are
pledged. Every senator is willing to
reduce the tariff until he strikes the
products which his constituents want
protected. There he balks. As all
sections of the country are represent
ed there seem to be no two senators
ready to agree to the same tariff
schedule. President Taft still ad
heres to his pledge to approve no bill
which does not make a general down
ward revision of the tariff and , like
General Grant , "will fight It out on
that line if it takes all summer. "
The Italian historian , Ferrero , in
comparing modern and ancient lux
ury , said : 'The Roman Lucullus had
no steam yachts , no motor cars , none
of the innumerable modern inven-
tlons for which men spend their
money today. " About all that a rich
and luxurious Roman could do waste
to cat and drink too much. Now
gluttony is vulgar and drunkenness
an offense. In past generations
wealth has mastered men. Is the
time near at hand when men shall
master wealth and make It a blessing
instead of a curse ?
Americans who wintered in Con
stantinople have come to the con
clusion that there is no place like
home.
Copenhagen held its first munici
pal election this spring under the law
giving women the right to vote at
municipal elections. The women of
Denmark have been working for the
ballot for a generation and were not
us Indifferent as American women are
when granted this concession. They
made use of It at once , and when the
votes wee counted there were more
women's votes than men's. Hereaf
ter when a man wants a city office
ho will have to see the women folks
about it. Seven women , all remark
able beauties , were nominated for
nlderwomen nnd all seven wore elect
ed. Hereafter the council board will
bo a thing of beauty when they sit
down with the thirty-five aldermen.
Lot us hope that law making In that
cly may be a Joy forever.
It takes quite n stretch of the imagi
nation to picture corn being shipped
to America from South Africa , but the
quantity being held by American
fnnnors has created a phortago In the
Now York mnrkct , which occasioned
nn Investigation of the African crop.
inst ycnr the Afrlcnn corn mnrkoti-d
nt about twenty cents nor bushel.
This ycnr the crop , which , will bo
larger , will not go higher than 2C
cents per bushel. This will enable
New York buyers to land It lit that
city , freight mid duty paid , nt G8V6
cents per bushel , whllo the price of
July option In corn nt Now York Is
now 74 cents n bushel , South Afrlcnn
corn la of exceptionally flno quality
nnd American farmers may have to
tnko It Into account herenfter. Cereal
prices hero arc nbnormnlly high and
It Is likely to , not only affect the expert -
port trade but , may neccssltnto Impor-
tntlon. f
Two Boston1 boys who had reached
the advanced age of seven years , re
cently started out on a rnft they hnd
built of railroad ties , and provisioned
for the voynge , . to join Roosevelt In
Africa. They , provided several cans
of tomntoes nnd condensed milk , three
loaves of bread , a pound of bologna
sausage and sbme crackers to sustain
them on their 'cruise ' , and had two , fish
ing rods with' which to catch fish to
supplement tlielr food supply. An oil
stove , Inntern , nnd n log book In
which to wrltp their adventures com
pleted the outfit of these youthful ad
venturers , whoso voyage was fortun
ately cut short before they reached
the mouth of < the harbor. If these
boys' desire * for exploration grows
with their increasing years they may
yet be the discoverers of the North
Pole. Unless , of course , Walter Well-
man secures the trophy during"their
tender childhood.
Switzerland' which hns seemingly
taken as Its national motto , "Qlve me
neither poverty nor riches , " does not
turn Its unemployed upon the streets
to become a prey to evil or objects
of charity. All the larger cities have
Insurance funds to which both the lo
cal governments contribute through
taxation and the working people by
voluntary assessment. The cities also
have in many Instances free shelter
and as- far as possible hold back pub
lie work till the winter season when
the lack of work Is greatest. In' those
ways these frugal people manage to
be Independent and keep their poor
from suffering. In times of Industrial
depression each married man can
dravi two francs a day and a single
man' half a franc less from the in
surance fund raised by taxation , nnd
when he is employed his monthly as
sessment Is , but $1.70. The United
States might1'well turn to little Switz
erland to learn this most important
lesson the care of the unemployed
through other channels than charity.
Professor Moore , who has charge of
lie government weather bureau , and
makes a business of telling what the
heavens are going to shake down
upon us In the way of weather , has
his trade worked out to fairly fine
art , but now and then the mischievous
storm gods put up a job on him. His
daily predictions of atmospheric con
ditions are correct over eighty per
cent of the time. His office Is the
greatest life saving station in the
United States. When he flies his
storm flags along the Atlantic coast ,
ships stick to their harbors and from
his flood warnings over Inland sec
tions people 'have ' learned to pull up
stakes and get out of the way of the
waters. About the time most people
are enjoying their breakfast , the
weather chief's office resembles n
newspaper office on election night.
The branch weather shops all over
the country telegraph their reports in
cipher code at about that time and
the task of translating codes , tabu
lating reports and deducting different
forecasts to be wired back to each
cdmmunity , makes everyojie hustle
for a while. Since 1895 Professor
Moore has been at his post In Wash
ington. May he long remain there to
tell us , faithfully , when to carry our
umbrellas.
Half a million people In the city of
*
NewYork go to the theater every
day. This statement ought to furnish
food for reflection to those who de
nounce the stage nnd wish to abolish
It. There Is no denying with such
figures as these before us that the
stage is an educational institution and
it Is altogether too popular to be
short lived. Tne question for the
moral forces of the country to ask Is
"What is i.t teaching ? " There are
many who condemn the stage utterly
without a hearing. One such man was
recently Induced by much argument
to attend a presentation of "Tho Ser
vant in the House , " purely for pur
poses of Investigation. The moral ef
fect of the play upon him was so great
that ho admitted it to be one of the
most powerful moral influences that
had ever touched his life. The educa
tional Influence of the stage was thus
brought homo to him in a most im
pressive way. There is a vast amount
of evil on the stage and the educa
tional Influence at the low theaters ,
the suggestive play , is one of the most
demoralizing In existence , but it is
also true that there Is much good
taught by the serious play. It is also
true that It is the serious play , like
"Ben Hur , " "Tho Servant in the
House" and many others of that class ,
that draw the greatest crowds and
Imvo the most lasting Influence. If
the moral nnd Intellectual forces of
the country would work unitedly for
the suppression of everything on the
Rtngo which could exert nn Inflnounc
for ovll nnd put In Its plnco uplifting
nnd ennobling plays , the stager might
become ono of the grcntcst educational
forces for good In the world.
PUNISH UNSPEAKABLE TURK.
It Is not many years now since them
was an Insurrection In China in which
several foreigners were killed and
some property wns destroyed. The
local authorities could not help It.
'they were unable to suppress disor
der. But tlie nations , our own among
them , accepted no such excuses.
Promptly they marched their forces
into the disturbed district and took n
terrible revenge. China has not yet
got through paying the tremendous
Indemnities that were exacted. The
United Stntes hnd not bravado enough
to keep all that It received , and re
turned a portion as conscience money.
In addition to this , It ma > ' bo men
tioned that all the nations stole every
thing In China that they could lay
their hands on , and the sale of pro-
clous relics In the different capitals
Is hardly over yet. This is the way
civilization dealt with that issue. If
we are brigands , at least wo had the
merit of taking care of our own and
making foreigners respect the lives
and property of other peoples.
The same sort pf thing is happen
ing In Turkey nnd has been happen
ing there for untold years. It is just
as certain as the return of the sea
sons. Turkey is wholly under the
control of the modern nations. It Is
upheld by their money and supported
by their arms. If that support were
withdrawn , the so-called Turkish em
pire would vanish like a curl of smoke.
But there Is no safety anywhere with
in the Turk's dominion for Christian
life or property. Just as often as his
appetite for blood cries too loudly to
be disregarded , he makes some sort
of excuse for an uprising. It does not
make much difference what the pre
text Is. Any old thing will serve the
cynical purpose of the beast In human
form that sits at Constantinople.
Then the heads begin to fall. Chris
tians are slaughtered by thousands ,
The lives of man and the virtue of
women are given up wholesale un
til the appetite of the beast Is satis
fied. American missionaries are
among the number. The nation has
been insulted , defied. Yet w hear
nothing of sending troops to Asia
Minor or Macedonia , nothing of rep
aration for the past , pr , security for
the future. Where is'the , difference ?
AROUND TOWN ,
And the dust returneth.
We're thankful for small showers.
The Rosebud will get back all It
lost today.
We'd like to countermand the order ,
Mr. Weather Man.
About time to begin a campaign to
keep the weeds cut.
Those vacuum cleaners sound like
a motorcycle.--
Are we going to have to buy still
another half ton of coal ?
Why doesn't somebody Invent a
dress shirt that buttons up the back ?
Roosevelt ought to get the solid tax
idermist vote in another presidential
race.
The Wright brothers are living
high without going up in their aero
planes.
A fire department like Ed Conley's
bunch , Is a rattling good factor in the
town.
Don't boast about not having had a
cold all winter , till the wjnter's over.
It doesn't pay.
, Men who hate to run a lawn mower
might follow Taft's example and turn
loose the family cow.
Sherman's son is to manage a three
million dollar corporation. Where
have wo heard of Sherman ?
The housekeepers will be ready to
assist the council in breaking the
drouth , if these dust storms keep on.
The weather man tried to moisten
things a little , in Norfolk , but the
rainfall stopped"'shortly after the coun
cil meeting.
Norfolk Elks hold an annual May
dance. Roosevelt is making the Af
rican lions and giraffes dance
throughout the month.
Get your hair cut short and people
will think you've just got out of the
penitentiary. At least that's what
they'll say.
Just why that firebug didn't cut
the hose at Plalnview and thus rob
the firemen of their means of fightIng -
Ing the flames , is ono of the un
solved mysteries.
Andy , the steel king , ought to come
across so that wo can get our now
library building built. There are a
lot of new books we can't read for
want of a library to read 'cm In.
Queer how fast "news travels now
adays. No sooner had Norfolk gone
dry than n telegram came out of Chicago
cage tolling of thu rise in the prlco of
wheat , and declaring that dry spots in
Nebraska wore n partial cause.
Mr. Bryan declared in n speech In
Winnipeg that ho had never scon in
the United Stntos unfriendliness to
ward any country. Ho couldn't have
known about the Greek riot nt South
Omnlm or the trouble Inst week nt
Hndnr ,
Must wo In Nebraska and Soutl
Dakota suffer for the reforms In Ok
Inhomn ? Monday morning the gov
ornmcnt started digging Into the Mus
kogce town lot frauds and Tuosdn >
morning the dust thus kicked 111
reached Norfolk , going north nt the
rnto of sixty miles nn hour.
About Norfolk.
Ewlng Advocnto : Steve Burnett o
Norfolk arrived In Ewlng Tuesday
night , nnd wanted potatoes , eggs am
a girl to work In his restaurant.
Nlohrara Tribune : If the Norfolk
News still doubts the ability of Nlo
brara's homo talent to draw a crowd
wo might go down to tholr Audltorlun
nnd "show them. "
Butte Gazette : Dr. J. C. Myers o
Norfolk was In town the first of the
week. Ho took a few days off to lool
nftor his farm south of Butto. Dr
Myers has recently been /appointee /
assistant state veterinarian. The ap
polntmcnt , coming as It does from the
"enemy's camp , " speaks well for Mr
Myers' ability and standing In the
state as a veterinarian.
Nlobrara Tribune : Norfolk is a
thirsty town.
Wayne Democrat : Norfolk Is stll
dry and probably very still for Nor
folk. The city council and Mayor Frl
day will try to get together May 11.
Fremont Tribune : Norfolk has also
gone "dry , , " but the bosoms of the
boozers are not warping on that ac
count. This condition is only tern
porary and bock beer will soon be
flowing again there. The trouble has
como because of an attempt to llml
the number of thirst parlors In tha
very thirsty town.
Hosklns Headlight : Norfolk is dry
Now what do you think of that ? Am
no hope of breaking the drouth be
fore May 11. The mayor and counci
are In a , mlxup as to whether thej
will have a limited or an unllmltcc
number of saloons , and no license wll
be granted until the difficulty can b
settled.
Randolph Enterprise : The city o
Norfolk is "dry" as a bone , the city
council having enacted an ordinanc
limiting tha number of saloons to spy
en , nnd the mayor declares that , al
who apply or none shall have license
In the past Norfolk has had thlrteei
saloons and now to be ' 'dry" is cer
tainly a severe one. Just how soon
the drouth will be broken Is a ques
tion , as both the mayor and city coun
ell are declaring they will , never give
a particle.
SCRAP BOOK.
Breaking It Gently.
Pat had been delegated by his fel
low employees to tell Sirs. Cnsey the
news of her husband's accldcnta
death. On { ho way to the Casey bom
Pat pondered on how to break the
news to the widow I-Munlly he hit 01
what toNiim seemed n most humane
way of preparing Mrs. Casey for the
sad news.
Knowing the violent hatred which
Mrs. Cnsey ns well as all loyal Irish
men have for the A. P. A. , he said on
greeting the woman :
"Ah. Mrs. Cnsey. It Is sad news
have to bring you. Your husband
Mike , has turned tin A. I * . A. "
"Mlko turned A. P. A. ! The scoun
drel. I hope InI I ? dead. "
"He Is. " answered Pat.
No Returning. t
Remember , three things come not back
The arrow sent upon Its truck
It will not swerve. It will not stay
Its speed ; It tiles to wound or slay.
The spoken word , so noon forgot
By thee , buf It has perished not ;
In other hearts 'tis living still
And dolns worlc for good or 111 ,
And the lost opportunity
That comcth back no more to thee.
In vain thou weepest. In vain dpst
yearn.
Those three will nevermore return.
From the Arabic.
The Senator's Ticket.
A newly elected senator wns on his
way to Washington. lie wns thinking
great things -vhcn the conductor i-uine
Into the car with his characteristic
"Have your tickets ready. " The sen
ator begun to fumble In one pocket. ,
then another When the conductor
jnmo to him he was still looking for
tha ticket.
"Did you hnve it when you got on ? "
Inquired the conductor , somowhnt Im
patiently.
t
"Of courco I did. This Isn't ray first
trip. "
"Then you couldn't have lost It. "
"Couldn't have lost ItV" replied the
Into politician. "II 1. 1 lost a bass
drum once. " Mpplncott's.
To the Egress.
\Vhen P T Unrnuin wanted to get
rid of a crowd that was lingering toe
long at the show he would have a
big sign , "To the Egress , " put up at
one of the side doors. Immediately
there would bo a rush that way. and
hurrying to sec tbnt rare beast , the
"egress , " the crowd found Itself outside
the tent.
What Byron Thought.
Lord Byron , who was supposed to
bo a callous sort of person in BO far at
caring for the world's verdict was con
cerned , Is said to have been completely
wretched at the first production of his
olay. "Dearer Than Life. "
It was nt this performance that along rAn \
long delay occurred nt the cud of the
second net , tilling tLo nudlcnco with
Impatience nnd the distinguished an *
thor "with ( Irani.
"What In the nnmo of heaven can
they bo doing back there ? " asked n
critic , meeting Myron in the lobby of
the theater trying to calm Ills troubled
spirit by milking nervously nbout.
"I don't know , " manned the poet ,
with n melancholy gesture of despair ,
A moment later the sound of n wnv
nt work behind the curtain was hunrd ,
nnd the critic , returning to the play
wright's side. Inquired :
"And what do you Ijunglno that to
he , my lord ? "
Byron's sense of humor came to hla
rescue Instantly.
"I think , " ho said , "they must be cut
ting out the last act. "
A Crusher.
During the encampment of sevcrnl
regiments of British ttoldlors In n cor-
tnln district the wood nnd turf used
for cooking purposes were cnrted by
the neighboring farmers. One day n
donkey curt full of turf was brought
In , the driver being n country Inil. As
n regimental band was playing , ho
stood In front of the donkey and held
the animal tightly by the head. Some
of the "smart ono.s" gathered round ,
highly pleased , and the wit of the party
asked why he "held his brother BO
tightly. " The reply was crushing :
"I'm afraid lie might enlist. "
vWhat You Are Doing.
Where you are is of no moment , but
only what you are doing there. It is
not the place that ennobles you , but
you the plnco , nnd this only by doing
that which Is great and noble. Pe
trarch.
An Afterthought.
A filthy fellow applied for a position
as porter with a large concern where
help was badly needed. The ' mnnngor
looked him over doubtfully. Finally
he handed him n half dollar.
"Go uptown nnd take a bath , " he
told him. "Then come back and maybe
I'll bo able to take you on. "
The follow started for the door.
"And , oh. by the way , " the manager
called after him. "If there's any change
left tnko another bath. "
Fitted Too Well.
A clergyman In nn Interior town
married n woman from whom be re
ceived n dowry of ' $10.000 nud n pros
pect of more , 'shortly nftcrwnrd ,
while occupying the pulpit , he gave
out a hymn , road the first verso and
proceeded to rend the fifth , coipmenc-
Ing. "Forever let my grateful heart ; "
then ho hesitated nnd exclaimed. "The
choir will omit the fifth verse. " Some
of the congregation road the verse for
themselves nnd smiled ns ( hey read :
Forever let my grateful heart
His boundless grace ndoro.
Which gives ten thousand blessings now \
And bids mo hope for more.
The Chinese Sampans.
In Canton 400,000 people spend their
whole existence in boats , which are
there called sampans. They are born
In them , live In them from Infancy to
old age and finally die In them. Col
lectively these boats form a floating
suburb to the city proper , one of the
most amazing human settlements in
the world. Every creek is crammed
with them. Along the main banks of
the river they are huddled twenty deep
so close together that the covering
of mats appears continuous as far as
the eye can reach. And each sampan
houses a separate family , with Its own
big brazier lamp , which serves for
heating , lighting nnd cooking the even
ing meal. The scene when a really
ser6us ! conflagration once gets a prop
er hold In the midst of these floating
wooden homes may be Imagined. Es
cape is impossible except for those
moored at the outermost edge. In one
of. these conflagrations over a thou
sand persons lost their lives.
The Summer Capital.
A wonderful city
Has sprung In the night
Upon the map , blotting
All others from sight.
New York , London , Paris ,
Are not In Its class.
They'll have to take hats off.
To Beverly. Mass.
Reporters and sages
Will swarm to Its door.
The cranks and the statesmen
Upon It will pour * .
All capitals other
Will please go to grass.
The whole nation center *
In Beverly. Mass ,
Old landmarks historic
In Interest will fade.
Old shrines be as nothing
Before the new made.
The shades of the pilgrims
Will mutter , "Alas ,
Wo ought to have landed
At Beverly , Mass.l"
WcLandburgh Wilson In New York
Sun.
One For Every Day.
"I've boon reading nbout one of them
rich men wot's got er suit of clothes
for every day In the week , " said ono
tramp to another
"That's nothln * . So 'nvo I. This it
I've got on now ! " London Globe.
His Precaution.
The Artist's Wife ( In n whlsper- )
Therc's some one knocking , Jnck.
Stall I open the door ? The Artist-
No ; It's Jnbbcr's knock. It's n special
knock I gave him , so I wouldn't let
him in by mistake. Life.
He Wanted to Know ,
Johnnie Mother Isn't blind , is she ?
Pa Of" course not. What put that
Into your bond ? Johnnie Mrs. Bow
ser , who was here today , said mother 'd
icvcr see forty again. Boston Tran
script.
Not a Crack Shot.
"My aim is truth always truth , " enid
a man.
"Possibly , " rejoined nn acquaintance ,
'but you were always a bad marks
man ! "
A man's fate lies In his character
ind not in his conditions. Mable.
