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About The Norfolk weekly news-journal. (Norfolk, Neb.) 1900-19?? | View Entire Issue (March 5, 1909)
TIIENOKFOLK WEEKLY NEWa-.JOUltNAL TODAY MARCH f > 1909 Norfolk Weekly "News-Journal fhiTNowH , Established The Journal , Established 187 < . TH"E T-i u 8 E p UP LI s m N o cb M P A N v. w7N Tfiisu , N. A. HIIHO , President. Secretary. Kvery Friday. Uy mall HIT year. I LEO- Entered at tht poHtolllro at Norfolk , Neb. , aB second elassjnatlor. _ " Telephones : TTiHtorlril "DoparTmoiit No. M. Business Office and Job Rooms No. II iil ! . _ Homo of tlio Democratic papers In the Htatc deny tlio fact that an antl- llryan league has boon formed within the Democratic party , hut no denial IIUH i-onio from Governor Shallenbor- Hitchcock. K r or CongroHHinun The vigorous policy of the young TnrkH In the reorganization of tlio em pire hart , so far , all the inarkw of suc cess. The nclmlnlBtrallon Is carried In hopofnl , Inumrtlal spirit. No radical changes In the present policy of de velopment la contemplated. Not since the time of Jackson and Van Huron have the out-going and In-coming presidents been such close friends as Mr. Roosevelt and Mr. Taft. The new president will bo the guest of the present executive for tlio twenty-four hours preceding his In- migurnllon. Mrs. Taft says she does not con template any radical changes In the arrangement of the Whlto House or the manner of conducting the domes tic , social or official affairs of the executive mansion. She compliments Mrs. RooseveU by admitting most cor- tllally that it would be difficult to Improve efficient man- prove upon the present ngcment. Inventor Maxim's "gun silencer" has proved Its ability to do all he profes- wd It would. It Is a small cylinder l.ttlng tightly into the muzzle of any gun and effectually deadening the Bound. It would be an advantage In time of war , but would add to the- tleadliness of firearms In the hands of anarchists and assassins , and make detection more difficult. German explorers are unearthing what Is supposed to be the ancient city of Jericho , near the Dead Sea , The wall of the city Is about thirty feet high and consists of a rock foun dation , a body part of rubble and Is topped with clay bricks. It might fall , ns did its predecessor at the sound of Joshua's trumpets , but no small disturbance or assault would affect It , Ex-Queen Llliuokalanl of Hawaii Is once more urging her claims at Wash Ington for the payment ot $ .150,000 foi the crown lands which were conlls catod when she was deposed. Queen Lil Is unfortunate in not presenting n more attractive and pathetic personal appearance. There is' nothing In the personcl of this royal lady that really appeals to those non-susceptible con grcssmen. The Oklahoma legislature voted not to adjourn In observance of Lincoln's centenary , but an electric clock which was so patriotic as to stop at the hour of his birth put the house ol representatives to shame and thej gave tardy honor to the memory oi our first martyr president. No clock however , aroused the senate to civil recognition of due courtesy and they remained In session all day. Porto UIco Is a positive paradise foi automohilists. The military road which it took the Spanish a quarter ol n century to construct , is unexcelled anywhere as an automobile highway A perfect climate , luxuriant tropicu ! vegetation to entrance the eye and the most delicious tropical fruits to please the palate , all combine to make this Island possession of Uncle Sam's r , most popular resort for his nieces and nephews to winter In. The Madison Post hands Bryan the worst shot of all. The Post declares that Bryan would not make so hulls creel a statement as that accredited to him last Saturday by the Asso elated Press In which the peerless leader is quoted as declaring that while not an out and out candidate foi another presidential nomination , he would not refuse It If offered to him Will the Post please note that Mr llryan has not denied this report ? The crow of a wrecked steamer are usually so thankful to escape with their lives that they make little com plaint , but they come In for their share of bad at best. They lost in the case of the Republic all they had but the clothes they had on. Their pay stopped the hour the ship sank. They were taken back to Liverpool where they were shipped free ol charge to be supplied with necessary clothing , but they were out of em ployment and the chances against their immediate re-employment. The sea has Its vicissitudes as well as the land. The race riot at St. Joseph , follow ing the outbreaks at Uehllng and South Omaha , are only links In a gigantic chain of race feeling that stretches across the continent at this time. The anti-Japanese feeling In Nevada and California were part of It. The trouble originates in the fact that these foreigners will work for wages nt which the ordinary American white man can't exist. Whlto men thrown out of work by the imported foreign ers , because the American IB unwill ing and unable to reduce his standard of living to those of the Invaders , arouses bitter feeling and It Is n re sult of this that the riots have oc curred. The attempt has been made to teach almoHt every form of business and profession through correspondence schools and now the proposition Is made In some states to have every farmer given free Instruction through the state farm schools and experiment stations , In farming. It Is proposed to publish monthly magazines giving re sults of the work at the experiment stations and definite Information con cerning the most succeasful methods of mixing crops and llve > stock In the .tales . where the experiment stations are located. Every state should adopt this eminently practical and sensible method of raising the standard of the farmers and Increasing the productive ness of the soil. The successful farmer - or of the present and future must work with his head as well as his hand. A well known police captain In Now York says the Idea that crime by In dividuals Is to bo prevented by the advance of science Is all wrong. He says the reason It Is easier to bring the criminal to Justice now than form erly Is duo not to science but to or ganlzatlon. The telephone , and wire less telegraphy are open to the assist mice of the criminal just as much at to the officers of justice. He cites an Instance In Chicago where when the pool rooms had been closed In the city , a floating pool room three miles out and so beyond city limits was maintained on a steamer on Lake Michigan and the quotations and re ports from race tracks were received by wireless , thus enabling them tc evade the law. The captain may be right In many Instances , still wo are Inclined to the belief that more crlm Inals are Intercepted by the use ol these scientific Inventions than arc as slated to escape. TWO EXTREME PENALTIES. Three men In Chicago were sen tenced to life Imprisonment the othei day for having held up a man am : robbed him of forty-six cents. Twc men at Chadron , Neb. , wore fouiu guilty of stealing a suitcase worth $3 ? from a railroad car Into which the > had broken , and they were let off wltl a fine of $50 and costs. Here , perhaps , are two extremities in punishment. That the Chadrot crime was just as vicious as that ol the three men In Chicago sentenced tc life Imprisonment , is apparent. High way robbery was the element in boll cases. The motive was as bad in one as the other. And , although UK amount obtained is immaterial , the principle being the same in both , ii is of interest to note that the Nebraska braska men got about 100 times as much loot as the Chicagoans and yei got off with an Incomparably less severe penalty. Very apparently , there Is unevei justice In these two penalties. Elthei one Is too great or the other to ( small. Probably neither is really just both being extreme punishments. Bu It Is certain that if all courts allowei convicted burglars to go free , by pay Ing a fine amounting to $15 more thai the value of the boodle , we'd be over run with thieves. The Chadron men without any doubt , got off too easily BRYAN'S CARNEGIE ARGUMENT Mr. Bryan should be ashamed 01 himself , and his friends should be ashamed for him , for the insults which ho heaped upon Professors Howard and Caldwell of the Nebraskr university In the dispute this wool regarding the Carnegie pension bill In the argument taken part In most ly by the two university professors and Senator Tibbcts on the one side and by Mr. Bryan on the other the re.Marks of those who favored the measure were confined to an argu ment as to the absolute severance ol the fund donated for the pension up keep and from the principles advo cated by the donor and the mannci he slinnssed his vast wealth , and te show that its conditions of the ac ceptance make It a thing which carnet not In any manner affect the opinions of the beneficiaries. On the othei hand Mr. Bryan accused the profes sors with being blinded by their owr needs and desires of seeking rowarc that was sure to render them blind te the iniquities of corporation greed and reproaching them bitterly for tak ing the stand they did. Ho repeatedlj declared they were after a "persona : interest" and when after as many ob jpcllons .to the statement as n reflec tlon on their moral character. Pro fessor Caldwell finally took exceptions to the remark made again. Mr. Bryai : wheeled on him and replied , "But 1 shall say It , sir , I shall say It for 1 have reason to believe that such Is the situation there. " This Insult upon wholly upright and conscientious men , who have made more personal sacrifice for the good of society than Mr. Bryan over thought of doing , shows a narrowness In "the great commoner" that must bo dlsnp pointing to even his warmest friends , And for n man who for sixteen years hedged and trimmed and schemed for nls own personal gain politically and financially by exploiting his political fame , to attempt to brand men who have shown themselves to bo wholly unselfish In the public service , can not add to the public's esteem of Mr. Bryan. In the first place any college pro fessor of genuine ability , such as these two men have , sacrifices all hope of personal gain when he goes Into col lege work , for It Is a well known fact that our college men are miserably paid. And particularly Is unselfish ness shown In the case of Professor Howard , who gave up n $4.500 position at I.eland Stanford university , for the very reason that he was not permit ted to speak his own mind freely , and who took a position at Nebraska uni versity at a very much smaller salary. Mr. Bryan's attention was called to the fact that he had at one lime help ed solicit a Carnegie donation for the Lincoln library. Mr. Bryan replied thai al that time CHrneglo was an Ironmaster while now he Is a trust magnate. This , of course , Is ridicu lously untrue. If Carnegie was ever n trust magnate It was at the express lime when Mr. Bryan sollcllod the library fund and If he was ever free from business greed or taint , and sin cerely a public benefactor , tt Is right now. now.Mr. Mr. Bryan has had a halo built In Lincoln around his personality. This Insull pronounced by him In great bltlerness upon conscientious men who are far above him In unselfish sacrifice and real public service , may probably put a puncture in Unit halo , PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT. After seven years as the chief exe cutive of the nation , Theodore Roosevelt velt retires from his high office , giv ing way to his successor and once more becoming a private citizen. It is difficult In the case of any man who has been a leader of his fellows to he given a fair estimate by his own generation. II is much more perplex ing In the consideration of a remark able man of peculiar temperament to obtain It and such a man Is the retir ing president , it must bo left to his tory to locate his exact place In the estimation of mankind. It can safely be predicted that he will be more kindly treated by the verdict of those who shall Impasslonately consider his life in the years to come than he would be by a contempraneous critic. History enhances the deeds of great men and hastens to forget minor de ficiencies. Theodore Roosevelt retires to priv ate life carrying with him the con fidence and the loyal admiration of thousands of his countrymen. It is true that he glories In and loves the lime light. To spend one whole day without attracllng the at tention of the public would be to him a whole day lost. He will undoubt edly "go thundering down the ages" as a Harvard professor says , "as the noisiesl president we have ever had. " He likes to have a hand in everything thai is going on and his officiousncss and opinionated manner toward many minor matters , foreign to his office , makes him at times annoying. Nearly all the heads of the great American colleges and universities predict that Roosevelt will be given an exalted place in history as one of the nation's great presidents. Even a political opponent , like Senator Rayner of Maryland , who has repeatedly criticised the president for his seem ing disregard for the constllulion , says lie is a remarkable man and tea a great extent will occupy an isolated position In the history of American politics. He possesses unquestioned intellect , , capacity and genius , and those who deny him these attributes have not sufficlenlly studied either his attainments or his accomplishments , Besides this , says Senator Rayner , when you are in perfect accord with his views upon public or private mai lers and are willing al all limes to surrender your own opinion to his , whether he be right or wrong , he is one of the most delightful and attrac tive characters that It has ever been a pleasure or honor to come In con tact with. "f David Starr Jordan , president of the Leland Stanford university , says of the president : "Roosevelt will have a very high place In American his tory ; first , from his strenuous efforts for the conservation of our domain and Its forests , Its animals and Its products. Second , from the high moral slandards he has Inculcated and carried Inlo pracllce. His Influence on posterity will be largo and clearly marked. Roosevelt Is certainly one of the great men of our time. " George Harris , D. D. , prcsldenl of Amhersl college : J'The presldenl Is a great executive. There can be no doubt of that. I look upon myself as being enthusiastic concerning what he has accomplished. His place in his tory well , It will be a high one , I am sure. How will posterlly view him ? Of that I cannot say. I believe pos terity will do him full justice at least. " Thomas Nixon Carver , Ph. , D. LL. D. , professor of political economy of Harvard university : "I should regard President Roosevelt as the noisiest president we have ever had. I am somewhat different from others In my Ideas regarding Just what place In his tory ho will hold. In fact , I don'l think that I would bo able to answer that question at all. I will say that I think him to be one of the greatest presidents , I do sot , however , think him the greatest no , he is not that. To my mind he will bo glVcn In pos terity about the same place ns Andrew Jackson , Jackson and Roosevelt are somewhat similar. Beyond what 1 have said 1 do not think I could make any further prophecy. " Professor Irving Fisher of Yale : "I believe that President Roosevelt will go down In history as one of our great presidents. Undoubtedly he has his faults , and they are uppermost In the minds of a grent many people , and tin- doutPtlly ! he has made mistakes which he probably will be the first to recognize. But one of the very reasons I admire him Is because he Is not deterred from going ahead because of the mistakes he has made. " Professor Henry Wade Rogers , dean nf the law deparlment of Yale univer sity : "While ho Is deserving of credit for some things , I think that when history carefully sums up the results of Roosevelt's administration it will not give htm a place among the really great presidents of the United States. That he Is a remarkable man Is not lo be denied. We have had no president like him , and probably will not have , for a hundred years lo come. " Chancellor Avery of the University of Nebraska : "I bullevc that In the future history of our country Presldenl Roosevelt's administration will bo re garded as one of the most notable of the administrations not connected with any great crisis. It will be re gretted thai he did nol al limes show a calmer judgment hi dealing with In dividuals. Like the presenl German emperor , he will be remembered in history as one of the striking figures o. . our time. " AROUND TOWN. Can't Norfolk dig up a race riot ? Can you tell the lion's roar In the distance ? It came In like a lamb. Now look out for the Hon. How wore you fixed on May wheat ? That was the time to have 11. You'll have lo bo moving right smart If you want to see the Inaugura- lion. Looks like the robin and the ground hog would arrive hand in hand this spring. Is there any greater justification for profanity than to wear rubbers that won't stay on ? Enter Vague Reports about the mil lions of ducks that cover the fields over In Dixon county. Creighton's footracer is nol given In the official list of victims of that race- swindle outfit , after all. The streel commissioner gave a helping hand lo ihe sun in reducing the big Norfolk avenue snowdrifts yesterday. Thus far nobody Is reported to have been lost In the slreels though the life saving crew should be ready for action at any moment. "I see They're still walling forGed God lo move Ihese snowdrifts , " said a Norfolk man this morning , walking down Norfolk avenue. The judge who fixed Ihe heighlh at which skirts should be held as nine Inches , ought to live in Norfolk and have to wade through some of these streets. Congressman Tawney , mentioned prominently yesterday In Associated Press dispatches from Washington concerning the record breaking session of congress , Is a brother of R. A. Tawney of Pierce , Neb. ATCHISON GLOBE SIGHTS. Some people can't enjoy a pleasant day , they are so fearful that It Is a "weather breeder. " We often hear this statement made : "There ought to be something done ! " Well , we should say so ! We used to think big railroad men were about the smartest things that ever drew Ihe breath of life , but late ly wo are catching them in a lol of fool things. Lysander John Applelon Is a poor man , and blames it on the trusts. The truth is , John has spent too much time joking when he should have been working. If love Is blind how does it happen that Ihe girl In love can see lint on a man's coat so much quicker than she can see a grease spot after she has married him ? Girls let so many worthless , foolish boys nibble at the ball on their hooks that , when a real desirable man comes along , they haven't enough bait to land him. Should a man announce thai here after ho Intended to try harder to bo good , one man In ten would rejoice and Iho olher nine would regard him with greater suspicion. "Ho Is a generous provider , " a woman will admit grudgingly of her husband. "Well , " her mother will say out of her life of fighting with want and poverty , "What else can a woman want ? " Should the girl clerk In a store call up her employer by telephone , and ask If the price of pins has advanced , the man's wife at the other end , would Imagine thai her husband was "guard ed" In his reply. An Atchlson young man who had lived at a boarding house all his life married recently. The llrsl meal his wife cooked for him consisted of tried potatoes , fried eggs , and stewed pi tines. When he looked al the table the young man throw tip his hands , gave one yell , and tied. The good examples of other men are of undoubted value to the world , but renu'iuber no two men are like. You are wasting time If you try to be exactly HKc some other man , no mat ter how great or worthy. Simply do your btst In your own way , If you really wish to make the most of life. When n girl Is sixteen , she spends much time In looking out Into the night with a sad expression on her face , but mothers , who know all about girls are not alarmed. When she Is twice eighteen she will find enough thai is disappointing In life without looking out In the dark for It. Wo like to read French stories , but every time francs are mentioned wo stop to turn them Into dollars. "She had seventeen thousand francs per year In funds , " the story will say , whereupon we stop to divide seven teen by five ; to turn the francs Into dollars and find out how much money the heroine had. The Coolldge Enterprise says : "There arc men In business In CoolIdge - Idgo who have no more show of suc ceeding than a snowball has In n fiery furnace. They have no chance of success , because they are not Indus trious , and have bad hablls. Yel , when they fall they claim that they worked hard , and Uial Coolldge didn't treat them right. This biliousness you hear so much about ; It Is Indigestion. It Is a sign that you eat too much , and eat It too fast. There are so many kliuk-t of food for a man thai ho cannot find the proper food. A horse Is never bilious , because no pains are taken to make his food palatable. A horse Is not able to take a bite , and tlu.n a drink of water or hot coffee and adds greatly to his health. If there are three girls In a family , Mary , Susan and Jane , Mary's girl friends tell around that she does all the work ; the friends of Susan relate that she is n "perfect slave , " and the friends of Jane grow very Indignant In describing her burdens. But Mary , Susan and Jane seem to gel along pretty well , and , in the meantime , their mother really does all the work , and has no one to say so. The Globe was the walling place to day for the following : "Warning lo girls : 'Don'l lei your falher spend money on you for music lessons. 1 was the one in our family who re ceived a musical education. The piano cost $250 , and my 'education' cost $135 ; total $385 But Ihe amount has grown In the eyes of my brothers and sisters. 'Father would be well off today' they will say , 'if he hadn't spent so much on Jane's music. ' 'No , ' they will say with sorrow 'we were never able to furnish the parlor ; all the money went on Jane's music. ' 'Jane's music' has been dinned in my ears all my life. No wonder I hate the piano , and can't play. OVER NORTHWESTERN PRAIRIES. A new lodge , the Western Bohemian association , has been organized at Pierce. Elgin voled on waler works bonds amounting to $15,000 this week , and they carried by a vote of IOC to 10. II is reported that the state railway commissioners will look Into the Mndison depot f-itnation. The contract for the building of the Stanton county bridges was let to Robert Drake of Hie Standard Bridge company. Dedicatory exercises will bo held al the new school building at Pllger next Friday afternoon. State Superin tendent Bishop will be among the speakers. The youngest son of the late Dennis Connelly , who died recenlly at his home al Bailie Creek , was reporleJ Thursday as Doing In a precarious con- dlllon with scarlel fever. Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Holan , rolurn- Ing from Verdigre , were run down by a runaway learn and had a miraculous escape from dealh In Hie wreckage of Ihelr buggy. Neither was hurt. Harvey Brown captured four wolves Friday about five miles southeast of Stanton. Two of them were coyotes and the other two big gray wolves. Brown has a pack of hounds and they capture a wolf nearly every time they sight one. He has caught a dozen wolves this winter. The Nebraska Press association , meeting at Grand Island , remembered Mrs. John B. Donovan , who recently underwent an operation , sending the following telegram to Mr. Donovan : "Tho Nebraska Press misses you and your good wife and every member joins in sending best wishes and earn est hopes for Mrs. Donovan's speedy recovery. " Nollgh Leader : Notice has been re ceived by O. A. Williams that the state railway commission has ordered tele phone companies to refrain from mak ing a charge of ten cents for connec tion with outside lines nt central. Mr. Williams states that ho can see no justice In being obliged to stand the expense of this service without com pensation , and has decided to appeal / ! JOHNNY DUMPER GOES TO \ ' \ THE THEATRE IN CHICAGO b Chicago , 111. , Feb. 2(5. ( To the Editor of The Ne > ws : Did you over see the "Follies of 1H08" from the thurd bnl- kony of the Auditorium with n luiwful prltty girl so close to you that you cud nudger when ever there was a Joke \vui th nudging ? 1 did. I'll belcher if Sadie frum Newport - port had seen mo ttithor nlte with a Chicago girl paying COc a seel for thurd balks. In a bigger show-lions than she over dreamt of she wudont a glv me up for enny swell farmer lld ; , speshally when I'm studdylng to bo an artist too. My , I cud see her between the acts way out on the Rock County pralry lugging a ctipple of pales of warmd up milk out to feed the cafs with , and the wind a blowing the snow all thru her and the murkury way down below zerow. ( Cafs and pigs always cum In bllzerds. ) Wunder if she don'l sumllmes think of me. I don't about her enny more , 'cause she went hack on me. My Chicago girl's got a butlfull complexshun and she knows how to make a feller feel at home. I never cud think of mutch to say to Sadie , but Alice that's my now girl's name , Alice , Isnt thai a nice name for a girl ? I never half to think to talk to her. We cud keep up a red-hot conversas- hun If 1 Just sed "yes" and "no. " She's awful Intresled In the West for she's never bin west of Elgin I meen Elgin , 111. for If she'd bin as far west as Elgin , Neb. she wudent want to know enny more about the West. Her uncle Is a superuntcndcnl In the watch wurks at Elgin and gets $175. a inuiith. He always lister say thai "time is money , " till last Christmas the gunerl mannager tuck one of their best fotirty-five jewel rallrode presi dent's watches and made him a pres ent of It and now ho ses "There's no time like the presenl. " He Isnl married and .he rides a five horse-power moter-slckel sixty miles an our , and can cum up town from Elgin in 30 minutes when the roads is good , and he's paying her way thru art-school. She has to ask him every time she does eiinythlng speshal like going with a feller to see the "Follies of 1908. " When she foned him about going with me he ast who I was and where I was from and when she told him I was a struggling yung artist from Nebraska , ho sed thai was rec- koincndnshun enuf and she cud go. He uster live in Nebraska himself. It pays a feller to cum from a good state. But it wud lake me a day and a haf to tell you all thai Alice told me be tween acts and going and cumlng. She's a orfan and never had ony par ents but her uncle , and she's never going to gel married , bill is going to devote her life to art for art's sake , and bo a merry wlddow when she's older. She ses "old maid" is out of vog , and "batcheller girl" is too stiff a turm , but "merry widdow" Just expresses - presses what she's going to be. She had a box of home-maid fudg that her Ant In Annnrber , Mlshegan , who helpt raze her sent her the uther from the decision of the commission ers to the courts. Before finally be- IIIK setlled It will doubtless be passed upon'by the supreme courl. The report of the house finance com mittee of the Nebraska leglslalure on the purchase of the Wayne normal school which placed it on general file recommended thai a commilteo of five be sent to Wayne to investigate the situation. Wilson of Polk moved to reconsider the adoplion of Ihe re port He said $35,000 had already been appropriated for a normal school at Alnsworth and ho did not believe In spending any more money Just now on normal schools. Kuhl warned him that if his bill was turned down the other secllons of the state would be remembered by the "north" when their appropriations came up. He Uioughl the purchase a good proposi tion and the price of $100,000 only about fifty cents on the dollar. Graff , a member from the northeast , was opposed to buying the school and In favor of a reconsideration. Speaker Pool appointed a committee consisting of Leidlgh , Holmes , Bowman , Fogarty , McColI , Nollleton and Bushee to In- vesllgale Ihe merits of the purchase. Stranger Horse , a Sioux innian who lives on the Rosebud reservation , was in Murdo , S. D. , last week and se lected a casket for his burial. He says he Is going to die as a result of a gunshot wound and Is making prepar ations for the end , which he thinks Is not far away. While In the undertaking - taking establishment he also selected a casket for his father , whom he claims cannot live many days. George Pony , the Indian catechisl on the Rosebud reservation , also selected a casket In which to bury his wife , who Is slowly dying of consumption. HO left Murdow on the night train for Chamberlain lo return with a son and daughter , who are students of the Chamberlain Indian school , and when they return will select a tombstone from the assortment carried by the local undertaker. THE SONG OF THE NINE FOOT SHEET. Conic listen to mo and I'll sing you a song , The song of the bed-sheet Nine feet long. Our legislature passed a law day for us to eat between acts , m. i dldent haf to spend a cent for llll > i or Lountioy's , nuthlng but just for n. . i , els , and say , that fudg was good , nn.t . Unit's the kind of a girl to take l .1 show , Mint It. While we're taking our art coat'- , we're going to further our artist i. . i , edtirashun by taking In Grand Hop porn , and "Tho Dovvll , " whenever h- - gits back to town , nnd she's never M n the "Prince of Pllsen" yet , nnd she M . If wo Just were In New York we mil see George M. C'ohou's new play "Tin- Merchant of Vennls" and until her < > n. ' the erleke-ts say In even better , cull. i | "Hamlet , " that he biot out last > > m Alice ses we miss sum of the in -i plays here at Chicago that we \ \ \ \ \ Ht'o In New York , 'cause people doni prostitute high art performances in the smaller towns of the west. Oh yes , and we'ro going lo lu-.n Theodore Thomas's orkestra at tin- grand sentral music haul. Was > > nt Theodore Thomas a step brutlier or Theodore Rosevelt before ho dide ? ( > i do you now ? Alice thot they muni \ \ \ - sum reliishun or their , slrnames wud out be alike. I tell you Chicago's big onuf for me , and I don't want enny New York in nilno till I get more of Chicago s\\ii ! lord. Why that auditorium where vu- saw "Follies of 1)08" ! ) played Is .1 whopper ! If II was all llatlend down and the balkonys tuckt onto ( he nini ; < floor they cud play a good sized gum. of base ball on It. Alice Is awful afrade of fires situ > that erthquako In California and m > i In Italy and that theater that btiini up over 300 people down In AcknpullKn or sum such Sweed name , down in Mexico Insl week , and she nsl mo what I'd do If the auditorium got al'ln. and I sed I'd boost her on my shold > i and walk over the beds of the pnnnl < k slruck people lo a window and dn > p her gently Into n snow-drift I'd scn In the alley and then I'd get dn n stares before the rush began and berry a shuvvel nnd dig her out of the drift. And she ses , "Oh wud < nt that be fine and romanllck , and you d be a hero and get your fotygraf In tin- Chicago American ! My , I almost wii-h the old thing wud catch lire ! " Bui it dldent. They hav a IUK curlen that Alice ses Is made from MInnyral Wool and wont burn , that they can run down lo keep the nciois and stage sltllngs from catching fit' If a fire shud stnrl oul In the nudlem I was Interested In thai M limy ml Wool for you know I hurdod sheep six weeks out In Wyoming and I told Alice I never saw enny wool thai wudenl burn , and I sed I beleeved they just stampl thai curten "fire proof" for a bluff. Alice sed she dldent know what kind of sheep they got Mlnn\ral Wool off of , but sins then I rememlx ref of reeding of n Texas sheep razor that Imported sum new kind of sheep from Slghbeerla with a long name that I'M- forgot and I'll bet thorns the sheep that raze Minnyral Wool that wont burn nnd mebbo their fire-proof t-ur ten's all rite. I havenl lold you about the "Fol lies of 1'IOS" yet but huvent room in this letlcr. Yours , Johnny Dumper. Thai sluck In many a landlord's craw. This legislation , for good or 111 , Is known in short as the bed-sheet bill. Under Its ruling hotel men sleek Must air their coverlets once a week Must change their pillowslips every * day Unless their guest will longer stay , Bui I slray from ihe melody of my song , The song of the bed-sheet nine feet long. The average sheet that they used to fix. Was made to measure just six feel six. The lengthy sleeper who went to sleep Would dream that the sheet came creep , creep , creep , Till his feet stuck out from the bed-clothes wreck , And ho 'woke with the top-sheet 'romid his neck , But I hasten back to pick up my song , The song of the bed-sheet nine feet long. That sort of thing was clearly wrong , For sheets should measure full nine feet long To fold al Ihe top and to tuck nt the toe , That , all good landlords ought to know. But what has that to do with my song , The song of the bed-sheet nine feet long ? If you do not know , go list' by the door To a holol boarder's nine fool snore , Snr r i r roar , nr r r rwong , And Iho longer ihe sheet the louder the song. That's all there Is to my long drawn song , The song of the bed-sheet nine feet long. H. P. Marwood.
