Nebraska Newspapers

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s T11K NOKKOL.K . Vt. . 131 rtLY NEWS JOUNAL FRIDAY JANUAUY 20 lilOS )
| ho Norfolk Weekly News-Journal
i
Tim News , Established 1881.
Tliu _ . > miriiiilI3HiibllH _ ( _
THjfHUBE PUBLISHING COMPANY.
, \V. N/lfuso , N. A. Huso.
1 President. Secretary ,
Evi'ry Friday , lly "mil l"'r year. $1.50 ,
Entered ill tlio postollleo nt Norfolk ]
Noli. , nH MCI unit class mutter.
PoleplionoH : " "Editorial Department
No. 22. HiiHlnuHH Ollloc ami Job UOUIUH
NO. ii 22.
Thu total iiopnlatloti of thu Urltlsli
umpire In over -100.000,000.
A day In .limn IH now no rarer tlnui
a day without a presidential message
Augusta , ( la. , IUOIIIH Into prominence
, ' while Oyster Hay sinks Into ItH old
time obscurity.
Self COUSeloUHIIOHS llllH 1)0011 ) Wittib
defined UK a person's Inalilllty to gel
out o ( lila own way.
Why all this dlHCUHHlon about whnl
women do best ? Any man can an
jjwor that in three letters M-E-N.
A Iloston physician recommends
that wo oacli oat a do/on raw eggs
dally. Ho must take us for million
nlros.
Uncle Sam spout $15,000 In collect
Ing facts abo\it \ the Brownsville matter
tor , and still Senator Forakcr wants
more.
When W. W. Kitchen , governor ol
North Carolina organizes his cabinet
It must of necessity bo a "kitchei
cabinet. "
A Now York builder says that tin
value of the building now under con
at ruction In that city exceeds more
than $100,000,000.
The St. Louis man who found $10 ,
000 Inside a can of tomatoes has noi
yet Instituted prosecution against the
canncrs for adulteration.
The picture postal card has now
reached the domain of the Amur o :
Afghanistan , where it appears with at
elaborate border of llowors.
Mr. Carnegie's announcement thai
the people arc partners in all greal
fortunes Is a happy one , and makes us
want our share right away.
A good way to settle this woman's
suffrage proposition would be to re
quire all women voters to tell their ag <
as a requisite to voting.
A woman may not be able to drive
n nail very successfully , but then the
average man would bo awkward aboui
buttoning his vest up the back.
With Senator La Follette , Mr. Dryai
and presently Mr. Uoosevelt all on tlu
firing line , the fourth estate ought t (
lie vigorous , spicy and up to date.
Of course It Is merely a coincidence
that the biggest bargain sales are al
ways advertised In capltol cities while
the state legislatures arc In session.
Night riding Is not the sport It was
before six participants received the
death sentence for their heinous
crimes and two more twenty-year 1m
prlsonmcnts.
An Irate Arkansas patriot threw ni !
egg at a state legislator. A police
magistrate lined the offender ? 1. Thh
flue , added to the cost of the egg , made
It an expensive deal for the patriot.
Miss Beatrice- Mills , daughter of
millionaire Ogden Mills of Now York ,
Is the latest American girl to purchase
nn English lord. How long before she
will bo offering him for sale at bar
gain prices ?
Andrew Carnegie says it is almost
as hard to keep a fortune as to gain
It. And Andrew seems to bo having
the worst time of all disposing of his.
Ho is having another spell of lauding
honest poverty.
The world's gold production last
year was about $ -125,000,000. Of this
aggregate Uncle Sam absorbed about
one-fourth and now has securely
locked in his strong box more than
| l,000,000,00f of the precious metal.
Dr. Wiley , the enthusiastic pure food
specialist , estimates that the pure
food law has saved the people of the
country $100,000,000 through avoided
sickness. This estimate seems some
what visionary , but no one denies the
value of Dr. Wiley's work.
Now that there is a scheme to place
a $77,000,000 duty on Imported coffee
and the prohibitionists are Increas
ingly alert. It begins to look as though
the ordinary American citizen would
bo obliged to run the risk of drinking
water as a regular beverage.
Locusts are ) proving very troublesome -
some In Panama. We are glad to send
word to our Panama friends that in
the United States wo are at the pres
ent time entirely free from the perse
cution of mosquitoes and all other
pestiferous Insects.
Unless the bill Increasing the sal
ary of the president is passed before
March , President Taft wlllbo obliged
to subsist on the present Income
from the office , for the constitution
forbids ralBlngTtho president's salar )
during the term for which ho It
elected.
Mr. Bryan Is against expansion bill
he's perfectly willing that Nebraskr
should spend her money cdncatliu
oriental brown men In the art 01
citizenship.
There are more than ninety members
bors of the United States senateam
UNO congressmen. It will bo noticed
however , says the Toledo Blade , thai
the president has not called for help
It Is unfortunate that alllllallot
of the training school for nurses a
the Norfolk Insiiue hospital , with throe
prominent Omaha hospitals , Is to IK
lost because of a change In state nil
ministration.
The man who refuses to adverttsi
his business because It will cost bin
something Is as foolish as the nun
who refuses to be saved from drown
Ing because he fears ho might have t <
pay a reward.
Mr. Rockefeller has handed over an
other million to the Chicago "U. " Thii
makes $2.1.000,000 all told which tin
oil magnate has poured out to lubrl
cato the wheels of the great unlver
slty's machinery.
Wyoming Is following the lead o
Kentucky and Tennessee In carnlva
of lawlessness. It Is strange hov
humanity In herds will engage ii
criminal acts which no one of tin
band would countenance.
An agreement has dually beei
reached with Yonc/.uola by which It h
understood that the five causes o
controversy are to be referred to the
Hagut tribunal and that a now treat ;
will provide for a settlement of nl
future disputes by arbitration.
Norfolk Is to be congratulated upoi
the fact that the city council author
Izcd the taking of a local census , am
from present appearances the clt ;
is going to score up above and beyom
the 5,000 mark , oven without the an
nexed territory now in the courts.
Annie Peck , who recently scaled UK
highest peaks of the Andes , says tha
good lungs and a strong heart are tin
essentials of success In mountain as
censlons. Plus a level head , thesi
arc the things that count In all kind !
of climbing.
The man who knows what he ough
to do next Is as common as black
berries. But the man who knows wha
he ought to do next and goes am
does it is as rare as an orchid and :
thousand times more valuable.
It is now suggested that Washingtoi
city be made "dry. " This is emlnentl ;
proper. There are a good many mem
bers of congress who represent "dry
states and talk "dry" talk and inas
much as their constituency is alwayi
dry they ought to be made to sta ;
dry at Washington or turn their con
stituency loose.
Heroes and heroines have beei
brought to light in large numbers b :
the fearful Italian calamity , but It hai
been specially touching to see tin
devotion of Queen Helena , who for
getful of all her artificial royalties
has revealed the true royalty of i
noble nature.
In San Francisco a man got eight
years for stealing eight cents , while
a banker who wrecked a bank with
$9,000,000 deposits got eighteen
months. Justice seems to nave been
shaken from her equilibrium In the
earthquake and It looks doubtful if
she ever regains It.
People who drew farms on the Rose
bud will be glad that the date for filing
has been postponed. To have bben
compelled to have made land selec
tions in March might have worked
hardship , as it would be difficult to
select a claim intelligently at that
season. The new ruling overcomes
that objection.
Secretary Wilson plans to inaugur
ate the circulating of small libraries
on agriculture , horticulture , poultry
and stock raising among the farmers
of the country , each community ownIng -
Ing it's own collection of books. This
is n very practical and helpful sug
gestion as most of Secretary Wilson's
Ideas for the promotion of farm in
terests are.
The secretary of agriculture comes
nt-aror exercising the autocratic power
of a czar , In case It becomes necessary
to do so than any other head of de
partment. He absolutely controls the
food , meat , drink and drug supply of
the country and under various laws ho
can stop interstate traffic in all food
and drugs. Lest some one should fear
this power it may bo said that it Is
exorcised only for the benefit of the
people.
Mr. Taft spoke In Cincinnati of the
remarkable good fortune which had
followed him since the beginning of
his career , and of the seemingly prob
able misfortunes which he had
escaped. Ho said be feared that be
might do or not do something whlcl
would turn the lucky tide of his nf
fairs. He Is right In thinking thai
when a man has luck which no OIK
else ciui beat he can beat It hlmsel
If he tries.
An eastern paper wants to kno\\
what can be done to prevent earth
quakes ? Ueally , there has been nt
method discovered of 'controlling ' tlu
action of earth or sea , whether It he
normal or abnormal , but thoio are
plenty of places on the globe whirl
have never been visited by sucl
"touches of natuie" to accommodate
the nervous Inhabitants of the earth
intake belt.
The Republicans In congress havi
finally called a halt on further persona
abuse of President Roosevelt. It I
about time. If there is nothing o
value to the country that the congresi
of the United States can do , they hat
better adjourn. If there is , they hiu
bettor got down to business and do It
Bitter attacks upon Its chief executlvi
will never make the country better
richer or happier.
In the first Issue of Senator Li
Folletto's weekly paper the cdltoi
says : "It is founded in the belief tha
It can aid in making our govorninon
represent with more fidelity the wil
of the people. " "No eminence , " sayi
the senator , "of position in party o
government shall protect a servant o
the people from deserved criticism. '
No one knowing Senator La Follotti
will doubt the truth of this state
niont.
William Howard Taft In his receu
Journey through the southern statei
has still further demonstrated his ca
paclty and rare tact in mooting thost
who differ from him. Ho mot the blacl
man and the white man as men am
as his friends but never misled then
as to his own views. The Flllplnoi
called him the "pacificator. " Hi
promises to become as much bclovei
In the great homeland as he Is union ;
the Malays of the far off Islands of tin
sea.
It Is only when we compare the ac
cldent mortality with battlefield earn
ago that we realize something of tin
significance of such a comparison. Fo
example , it is a sanguinary conlllc
that leaves 30,000 dead upon a battle
field. Less than 3,000 fell at Gettys
burg , but according to the bureau o
labor from 30,000 to 35,000 America !
wage-earners meet death from accl
dents every years. It almost looks a :
though the hazard of work was greato
than the hazard of battle.
It has been discovered by an office
in the division of foreign markets o
the department of agriculture that tlu
niotor car has so far replaced abou
00,000 horses in this country. Yet farn
horses have never been In such dc
mnud as at the present time. An in
creasing demand for farm and busl
ness purposes seem to keep pace will
the Increase in the use of motor cars
The farm horses alone in use Januar :
1 , 190S , numbered 10,992,000 in rouni
numbers.
There is increasing emphasis belli ?
placed on the need of medical Inspec
tion of a rigid character in the public
schools , nor should this inspection stoj
at adnoids , defective eyes and cars
and physical conditions , nor oven a' '
hygienic conditions of housing the
pupils. It should extend to a domain
for proper physical exercise. No
amount of knowledge , Information ,
learning , education or wisdom Is worth
good health , nor Is It necessary to
sacrifice cither for the other as Is now
the rule.
President Roosevelt has called a
halt on what he says Is the biggest
trust of all the water power combina
tion. He vetoed the James river
privileges in Missouri and declares
that the people of the country are
threatened with a monopoly far more
powerful , because in closer touch with
their domestic and industrial life , than
anything known to our experience.
The president points out that with the
coal supply diminishing the time Is
coming when the electrical compan
ies , if allowed to intrench themselves ,
will be able to charge all the traffic
will bear.
Men of science have boon studying
the alligator and have discovered that
every part Is of some value. A half
grown specimen is worth far more in
money than the largeststeer. . The
tooth alone are worth from two to
four dollars a pound according to size.
Every square Inch of the hide makes a
far more durable and attractive coverIng -
Ing than leather , parts of the flesh arc
greatly prized by the natives for food ,
while two freshly laid alligator eggs
arc said to be every bit the equal of
lien's eggs when cooked properly.
It has long been n question among
progressive nations what would hap
pen If the four hundred million inhabl-
tants of the Chinese empire should
over become fully aroused and con
scious of their power. Sir Robert Hart ,
for many years Inspector general of
Chinese customs makes the striking
suggestion that when that time comes ,
China will turn to the rest of the
world and say : "Gentlemen , there
must be no more fighting. " The strong
I cst nation would , Sir Robert believes
i become a beneficent policeman , keep
Ing the smaller natlons'ln order. QuIU
a new and dlfllcut role for China t <
play.
President Gomez of Venezuela hai
icle'iised the twenty-seven polltlca
prisoners which Castro had conllnei
In dungeons where ho was systematl
cally starving them to death. Presl
dent ttomoz found them -to bo mci
from tie ! best families of Venezuela
They were In a most pitiable condltloi
when liberated. 'Yllllans of the Cas
tro type should not be sheltered Ii
civlllKod countries where they escapi
punishment for their heinous crimes
SUGGEST AN ID13A.
Suggest a trademark and slogan fo
the city of Norfolk , and win a prize.
The Commercial club of this clt :
Is offering three prizes for $5 , $3 am
$2 to the persons submitting the bos
Ideas to be used In making a trade
mark and slogan for the city of Nor
folk.
folk.The
The fact that Norfolk Is the gatcwn ;
to this new northwest should hi
woven Into the scheme.
The plan of the club Is a good one
and those resourceful ones , whoreve
they live , who have genuine Ideas
should get busy.
Scud suggestions to J. D. Sturgeon
secretary of the Norfolk Commercla
club.
Somewhere between the statement !
freely made that the United Stntei
is the most corrupt nation on earth
and the contradicting statement tha
its people hold the highest and mos
'
altruistic Ideals , lies the real trull
about the American people. An edu
cated French women , who has spoil
much time In this country says of us
"As a people your Ideals and youi
moral tone are ahead of any Euro
pean nation ; Individually you are ap
to be disappointing. But the fac
alone that here one constantly bean
reference to service , and the desln
and Intent to render service tha
serving has been made , howevo :
recently , a public Ideal strikes tin
foreigner forcibly. "
The constantly increasing numbei
of American women who are engaged
In Industry of some form outside the
home Is almost appalling. Many see
In it a serious menace to the homos ol
the nation. Be that as it may womei
are evidently in industry to stay.Vi
cannot very well discharge C,000,001
workers tomorrow morning. Thlnl-
what useless things the telephone sys
terns of the country would be with nl
the "hello" girls off duty. What inusl
be done Is to so manage the nation's
industries as to keep the moral am'
physical health of these 6,000,000 wo
men workers Intact. Never before has
there been such an alliance betweci
women wage-earners of all classes foi
the securing of legislation by which II
is the industrial woman's destiny tc
humanize Industry , not only for hoi
own benefit but for the benefit of the
whole human race.
Senator Hopkins , a member of the
senate's canal committee , has Intro
duced a bill Increasing from $135,000 ,
000 to $500,000,000 the authorize !
Issue of bonds for the construe
tion of the Panama canal. This
Is generally regarded as Indicat
ing the committee's conviction thai
the cost of the work will largely exceed
ceod the original estimates and possl
lily as pointing to a forthcoming do
clsion In favor of the sea level plan.
The members of the house committee
who have just returned from Panama
saw that the present canal administra
tion is vigorous and efficient and
worthy of public confidence and pre
dict tlmt under the direction of present
authorities , if left undisturbed , the
canal will be completed In 1915.
The business situation is largely a
state of mind. Judging from the un
precedented extravagance with which
Christmas and New Year's were cele
brated the United States must have
more than recovered from the panic of
1907. The fact Is far more significant
than the output of the blast furnaces.
The actual aggregate advance in the
value of listed stocks in 1908 over the
panic level of a year ago is placed at
three and a half billion dollars. But
as a trade Indication , the fact that people
ple are no longer preaching economy ,
but rather feeling confident and in
clined to spend lavishly , outweighs all
other indications. Not that the
admonitions against speculations and
extravagance have been thrown away.
They have merely been laid by for use
in the next panic.
When a syndicate of western men
announced their intention to build a
railroad down the Gulf of Mexico to
the Mexican border the head of the
biggest system in the southwest ridi
culed the project and told them.they
might get a few carloads of stuff going
In , but there was nothing to bring out ,
but rattlesnakes and chaparral. It
was a hasty judgment and It was
wrong. The road was built. It paid
Its way , and it has been the means
of opening up wastes given over to
rattlesnakes and chaparral and con
verting them to orange groves , truck
gardens and sugar plantations. Such
baa been the history of most rallroada.
The story of the building of the Cnim
dlan Pacific reads like a tragedy bill
today the men who fought , cursed nm
suffered to In Ing It to completion are
among the richest of the knights of the
British crown. When .1. .1. Hill was
struggling against fearful odds to gel
the drentu of years built across the un
Inhabited western wilds , men of busl
ness called It "Hill Folly. " Today tho.\
Rppuk lesppctfully of "Hill's Greal
I Northern" nml hold It up us a paragoi
'of ' freight railroads.
A tilumph awaits the publisher wlie
will have the courage * to reduce the
size' of his Sunday paper Instead o !
padding It. T'le Emporla Gazette telh
very dieilly of the I'ato of the dropslca
Sunday edition In the following bum
orotis rhyme1 : "I spent live cents foi
the Sunday Hart and hauled It homi
In a two wheeled cart. 1 piled the sec
tlons upon the floor , till they reachoi
as high as the kitchen door ; 1 hung the
chromes upon the wall , though thoie
wasn't room to hang them all , and the
yard was littered some two feet dee |
with "comic sections" that made me
weep ; and there wore sections of pin !
and green , a woman's section nm
magazine , and sheets of music the
which. If played , would quickly make
an audience fade ; and there were pat
terns for women's gowns , and also foi
gentlemen's hand-me-downs , and i
false moustache and a rubber doll nm
a deck of cards and a parasol. No\\
j men , are busy with dray and cart
a-haullng away the Sunday Dart. "
The bill Introduced Into the Nobnis
ka legislature to compel a hotel te
have sheets of certain length and ludl
vldiial towels , is no Joke , and the com
merclal travelers of the state are push
Ing It hard. It seems unfortunate thai
such stops should bo essential to the
comfort and health of the traveling
public , but where the hotel keeper re
fuses to provide cleanliness and whole
someness at $2 per day , there Is justi
fication in asking the state to stop In
and take a hand. Some country hotole
prove exceptions to the rule and pro
Vide clean towels and suitable sheets ;
some there are , also , and the pity It
is , which allow guests to use towole
reeking with filth , and to sleep in beds
covered with blankets that are satur
ated with dust and probably germs. II
is an unfortunate state of , affairs
which makes It necessary to feirce any
business man or institution to be en
terprlsing , and it is merely a matter ol
enterprise as Is demonstrated by the
fact that the hotel that Is clean and
wholesome gets the bulk of the patron
age from the men on the road. It would
pay any hotel to treat its guests de
cently without intervention of the law ,
but if they refuse ordinary decency ,
there's nothing to do but write it down
in the statute book.
AROUND TOWN.
Now's the time to stand up and be
counted.
Looks like Norfolk is "there and
over" tliis time on the census count.
Be counted.
Northern Nebraska can dig up an
earthquake any old time earthquakes
become the popular thing. The one at
Creighton was just at the right time.
One Norfolk man who went to
church Sunday night , can't tell much
of what the preacher said but is able
to swear tlmt a certain young lady ,
wearing a now diamond j'ing , fixed her
front-hair with her left hand exactly
forty-seven times.
Didn't that fog remind you of dea
ol' Lon'on ?
Now for a safe and sane St. Valen
tine's day.
Resolved , That the firemen are rat
tling good fellows.
It would be difficult to say whethe
more persons have been mentioned ii
connection with Taft's cabinet or tin
president's hunting trip , but honors ar
pear to be about even.
Be sure that the census taker count :
you at least once. He's on the way.
"I'm getting so I can't sleep wel
unless there's a fire alarm at 2:15 : a
in. , " said a Norfolk man.
A Norfolk man has this sign stlcklni
In his yard : "Keep on the sidewalk
0 word for men ; a fence for cattle. "
The escapade of those two Londoi
bandits ought to furnish red hot inn
torlal for the moving picture shows.
A Norfolk woman who went to i
euchre party the other day , drew i
partner whom she just barely knew
About the first time round this al
most straugo partner leaned half eve
the table , when trumps were belni
declared , and whispered to the othe
woman , "I've got the Joker. " And i
look of chagrin and wonderment cami
over the face of the joker-holder whei
her partner , ignoring the "tip , " passei
the trump and allowed the opponent
to make It and score. Apparently i
woman who wouldn't take ndvantagi
of the "hunch" and steal a march tc
ward the prize , was a very , very ran
spectacle.
NEBRASKA POLITICS.
Grand Island Independent : "Mamie
X * X + XX * X + XX + X + X + X + XXX + X + XXXX + XXX + XX * X + X + X * v ' $ >
I Johnny Dumper Has Experience * r
I Trying to Sell Earthquake Books *
Lincoln , Neb , Jan. 23.To the Kd
tor of The News : Did you over pei
die erth quake books ? It iilnt what It
crackt up to be. Is It ? I've had mor
doors Hlaimt In my face this week tha
1 ever will agon , for 1'vo glv up th
book business. Ouo door-bell mat
shut the door so quick when I se
book that If my noso'd bin a Inc
longer I'd a lost a pooeej.
Why , they set ! people was j'ust era/
for books about the orth-qunko and the
Hint at all. One woman se > d sh
wudent have ono for a gift for It mad
her Hhlvver to even think about It , Ic
alone lead about It.
If ennyhody In Norfolk wants a ertl
quake book cheep I'll sell them th
seven I've got left out of the duzzo
that I orderd for Just what they COH
me , sixty six and three thirds cent
apeece. I only sold live In six day
and one of them was to Uncle Osca
and too was to old friends of pa tha
live In Lincoln.
Book agentlng Isnt my fort , and tliei
I was unlucky. There was a yuni
Italian feller got in just abed of m
with a dlffrout company's book and h
sold neerly too hundred in a week , bu
he's what you wild call a smooth guy
Ho goes to n house and puts up
speel about his poor old father am
mother both being killed by the ertl
quake in Slsslly and he wants to mak
enuf money to go back and tend tbel
funeral when they get them all gather
together , and the publishers helpt bin
by redooslng the bolesiill price to bin
bo that he can sell a book that's mad
to retail at $2.50 for only $1.50 am
make just ton cents apeece on then
to help him go back and see what'
left of his poor old fokes. lie reel ;
makes S5c on every book ho sells am
his lather and mother live in Omuhn
but the people ho tolls that stuff ti
seem to beleevo every wurd of It , fo
he talks In broken English and It win
make a mule cry to beer him lay 1
off.
Now I just can't Ho like that , It don'
seem to be In me. I dldent no boo !
agents had to be liars to be success
fill or I wudcnt'vo trlelo It. Seemi
lilce a feller has to have a sllppr ;
SI ! " say the state house employe
now , when they see Auditor Barton
And , all the saiuee , Mr. Barton Is enl ;
applying the rules found profitable am
judicious in all other lines of business
ABOUT NORFOLK.
Fremont Tribune : A Norfolk mai
has compiled a sausage fifty-six fee
from tip to tip. It was doubtles ;
made from a dachshund.
ATCHISON GLOBE SIGHTS.
A pretty man Is seldom good fo
anything olsc.
The women think that every time i
iiiUn goes Into a dry goods store , he li
robbed.
It Is easy to got orders over a tele
phone , but you can't collect over i
telephone.
Yellow shoos will not look glarln ;
no matter how cold the weather turni
until It snows.
This Is the season when people win
say that grapes can be kept all winter
tor , by putting sealing wax on tin
stems have nothing to say.
Sentiment will not bold out Ion ;
against cold weather. An 'Atchlsoi '
brldegioom , neglected his kindling
and for two mornings has used hii
bride's love letters for starting tin
fires.
When a girl Is slxteon years old , hoi
mother goes crazy If a boy looks a
her. Two years later , the mother Ii
quite Indifferent to boya , and when tin
girl reaches twenty , the mother think !
it mighty funny if her daughter hasn'
gentleman company.
About Norfolk.
Madison Post : We do not knov
wno writes the "Around Town" columi
for The Norfolk Dally News , but w <
wonder how ho knows that "talcun
podwer on a girl's cheek tastes bettei
than any other known preparation. '
Fremont Tribune : Elkhorn Valloj
physicians at Norfolk refused to heai
a paper by a Norfolk doctor who hai
Issued a pamphlet in which ho at
tacked some of his competitors in UK
profession. They probably wanted te
see that at least ono Nebraska mai
know how Congressman Wlllott fel
wnon his congressional brothers votei
not to listen to his attack on the pros !
dent.
Grand Island Independent : Norfolk's
Commercial club has quite a practica
way of taking care of the city's visi
tors should at any tlmo the hotel fa
cllitlcs be overtaxed. Under the aus
plcos of the club n list of private resi
deuces has been compiled nt which
In case of necessity and upon shor
notice a room can bo spared. Tills
listed room Is to remain at the ells
posal of the club at any tlmo , so lon
as the resident does not notify the
committee that the room is no longei
available.
THE TOUCH THAT RAILED.
Dear Pator : I'm Inscribing
For your sapient Information
A problem that Is driving meTe
To doleful desperation :
k'PJtf JkTJL.TJkVJL.'r.i.TAT AT A V A-PAT AT
lung to bo successful In most eniiy-
things nowdnys , 'cept farming.
But I've got n snap for next week
all rite ami I wont haf to toll onny
lies to hold my Job cot hot' . I've got a
job to po/e for a artist that has a line
Ktewdlo beer In Lincoln while ho
paints me Into a p'lckturo that he's
going to call
"The boy stood on the burning deck
Whense all hut him had Hod ! "
that poem you know that Mr. Lougfol-
ler rote about the Spanish-American
war down to Canlyago.
This artist met mo on the street yes
terday as I was coming homo from
trying to sell crth-quako books and
bailout sold a erne , and I gess I wan
looking prltly Irlue , and he HOS "Hello
iiou ! Want a job ? " And I SOS'H v
quick's a wink "You botcher life ! " J
And he ses , "Como along up to my
stewdlo and lots see how you look In
the setting of my new plckture. I A
bleovo If you brighten up a bit and |
look bravo you're Just the kind of a
looking boy I want. "
Well mobbe you don't think I lookt
brave's 1 cud when ho stood mo up
beside a Iniltnshun mast and put u
soril In my hand and went back to
.what bo calld his eezlo to take a squint
at me.
And he sos , "You'll do all right when
I get you llxt U ] ) In sailor togs. Now
you come around at half past ale next
Monday morning and I'll give you
twenty cents an our and you can pozo
as monny ours n day as you can stand
it. "
Gee ! but I'll bet I'll make sum'oozy
money ! Why , If I only pozo ate ours
a day that'll bo one sixty and I bet I
can stand It feir longor'n that for all a
feller's got to do Is to stand still and
hold up a son ! in one hand and the
mast of a ship In the uther.
And then there's all kinds of chances
for a feller to rlze If ho makes good
as a artist's moddel. 1 don't just re
member what boy moddols rlzo to bo
but 1'vo rod of just lots of girl moddelK
that rose to bo fiimus In the news
papers.
I can't hardly wait till Monday.
Yours , * <
Johnny Dumper.
In extonso , ex tempore ,
Without further hesitation ,
Your allowance Is too meager
For my college education !
You know the cost of living
'Mong a cultured population
Has materially Inflated
Since your adolescencatlon.
As your fortune takes no cognizance
Of slight disintegration
A little larger draft would bo
A great alleviation.
Hoping you will see , Dear Pater ,
This is no hallucination ,
Needing no detailed description
Or undue collaboration ,
And that you will shell out blandly
As befits ono of your station ,
I remain your only loving son ,
In sleepless expectation.
Alonzo.
Dear Alonzo ;
Same size draft !
Don't spread It on so ,
I've no graft !
Bo more careful !
Don't go daffy !
Don't try giving your
Dear Dad taffy !
Pater.
. Richard F. Marwood.
IF I'D A JUST A BEEN AWAKEI
( As Told by the village detective
the morning after the bank was rob
bed. )
If I'd a Just a boon awake
Instead of belli' asleep
When them there blame bank robbers
Came around to take a peep
Thoro'd a been a shootln' match
To make yor epidermis creep ,
If I'd a just a been awake !
Condemn my sleepy picture
For not a looking round ;
A llvin * just a block away
And never heard a sound !
There'd a been a different story
For the papers , I'll bo bound ,
If I'd a Just a been awake !
Been a looking for them fellers
For most a year or more ;
If that alnt the durndest bit of luck
I over had before ,
For when they finally did come round
I just lay there and snore ,
If I'd a just a been awake !
I'd a grabbed my automatic Colt ,
My smokeless thirty-eight , '
And a slipped around the corner
By the bank and laid In wait ,
And the first durned yeggman showed
up
I'd a made disintegrate ,
If I'd a Just a been awake !
That automatic Colt , why man
I'm givln' yo no chaff !
It 11 shoot the whole eight bullets
In two seconds and a half ,
And'll penetrate from end to end
A full grown yearling calf ,
If I'd Just a been nwnko ! ,
If I'd Just a knowcd thoy's comln'
1 d a hid besldp the vault
With my automatic in my hand
And I'd a called out "Halt ! "
And If airy bugger got away
'Twould not a been my fault ,
If I'd a Just a been awake !