Till' : NOJU'OLK NRWS : FRIDAY , DECEMBER 20 , 3902
A PAYMASTER'S RIDE
[ nrlnliml.l
Iti tlio nutumn tf ) ISU ( I wan ordered
ns a paymaster In ( ho United Stntcn
nrmy I" take $100,000 from Cincinnati
to Mil1 Army of the Cumberland nt
Chattanooga. Wheeler's cavalry WIIH
nt that time anywhere and everywhere
between mo and my detdlnutlon , and
of course If wo happened to meet any
of the detachments It would lu a great
gain to the Confederacy and a great
loan to the I'nlted StntcM. There wcro
bands of guerrlllan roaming about ,
though not formldalilo to a guard of
itoldlorB , but It WIIH the preHoneo of
Wheeler's cavalry In tliu region wo
Imd to pass that decided the pay de
partment to wend the inonoy Hocrotly
nnd without a guard , which might bo
overpowered by superior numbera.
I i'oaoho < l Nashville Mift'ly and de
posited the safe containing the inonoy
In the hiinU. In the evening It WIIH
taken out through the hack door , iionl
to a train of freight earn standing In
the yard of the NiiHhvlllo and Chat
tanooga railroad and Htowod away un
der tln > coal In the loconiotlvo'H tender.
QL'hero wcro hut half a dozen CIIPH , and
these were empty. Tim Sullivan , an
cnllHtod man In the -th Ohio Infantry
nnd a looomotlvo engineer who had
licon running on the road Hlncu the
capture of the country and know Iho
track well , WHH to carry mo through.
Ho was recommended a perfectly re
liable , and IIH 1 did not care to trust
any one olno with the si'crot 1 dolTod
my uniform , put on a pair of overalls
nnd acted IIH llronmn ,
When wo pulled out of the Nash
ville Htiitlon , the locomotive headlight
Bhowed several men standing together
bcsldo the track watching our denar-
turc. .Sullivan looked at mo , and when
I asked him If anything was wrong ho
replied , "IMinno. " The truth was ho
suspected our secret was out. I felt
very imcomioriaoio ami WIHIUMI my su
periors had not sent mo without a
guard. However , wo were In for It
und must no forward.
A week's rain had ceased and loft a
clear sky , a bright "moonlight night ,
eo that wo could see almost as well as
In daytime.Vo had no sooner loft the
outskirts of Nashville than Sullivan
put on enough steam to run at for
ty miles an hour bin time for u
( southern railroad In these days , espe
cially through a hostllo country. Wo
did not meet an obstacle or a suspi
cious circumstance till wo had passed
inoro than half our Journey , when wo
begun to go down grade for several
inlleii , with the prospect of having to
do as much up grade after reaching
bottom. Wo had made about a mile of
the decline when a brakeman climbed
on the tender and shouted :
"There's a train behind , comln' like
llghtnln' . "
"How do you know ? " asked Tim.
"Seen It In the moonlight. "
"See n headlight ? "
"There ain't no headlight. It's
freight cars ; must have broke loose. "
"Well , there's a switch at the bottom.
We'll have to make It before they
catch us. "
lie hooked up to the first notch and
threw the throttle wide open. The en-
pine made a Jump , and before wo could
eay " .lack Koblnson" wo were tearing
down the grade at sixty miles an hour.
' \Yo hadn't far to go. but the ( niestlon
was whether the locomotive would
Btlek to the rails. She swayed and
pitched and shuddered and shook like
a ship In a gale. We shot over a bridge
nnd out where we could look behind ,
nnd there was the cursed train coming
like the wind.
"llow far to the switch ? " I asked.
" 'Bout two mile and a half. "
"Will we reach it In time ? "
"Duniio. "
We were now on a straight track and
could see the switch light at the little
station at the foot of the grade and the
moonlight gleaming on the rails
straight as a pair of arrows for miles
beyond.
"What's that standing on the track
near the top of the grade ? " I asked.
Tim put his head away out of the
CUD wliulow and looked. When he took
It In , his face was as white as the
snow. He said In a hoarse whisper :
"It Isn't Btandln' on the track. It's
comln' for us. "
"Great heaven ! What does It mean
a train behind , another In front ? "
"Some one's bound to smash us up.
There's no engine on either train.
They've caught us In this scooped out
country and give us the choice of belli'
crushed from behind or In front. "
"Hut we may reach the switch In
time to avoid both. "
"Whoever's done this Job has been
Btnart enough to lock the switch so
that no crowbar will open It. We're
done for. "
Just then above the rattle there was
n sound behind us as If a hill had top
pled over. and. looking backward , we
could see tons of mud and stones pour
ing over the rails. In about a minute
there was a crash , and the coming
freight cars were piled In a heap at
the landslide. The rain had loosened a
bank , and we had shaken It off.
"Any chance now at the switch ? " I
naked.
"Not unless they have left one end
unlocked , which they haven't. "
Tlni reversed his engine as he spoke
and whistled down brakes. We came
to a stop within a quarter of a mile of
the bottom. The train coming In front
dashed past the station and began to
rise , soon losing Its speed , aud when
within a hundred feet of us we stopped
U with n log we had put across the
track. Then we boarded atid took pos-
cession of It.
We found the switch locked and
epent half an hour opening and getting
past It. Just ns we got on a speed up
the grade faster than n horse could go
a company of Confederate cavalry
dashed Into the station.
Some one had blundered.
THOMAS DEANB ELLIS.
A Iliu'lirlor'n Con I of I.lvlnu.
If the averagii bachelor , with a mil *
llonalro's Income , not the fellow who
fcocs In for extravagant fads , but the
man who maintains good social post *
( Inn and who entertains liberally , were
to hal.uice up his personal account for
( ho year , It might contain these charges
without comparative extravagance :
Ilounc or apurttnuiit and xcivlcu $10,000
Vulol 500
Hliili.i 1,000
Itimtiuirnal nnd oaturtnlaltiK 12,000
ciotiiitm 3,000
AtitoniolilIrM 5,000
ClmrttTod yncht > 10,000
I'nrdn 0,000
lliul lonnli 3,000
Hornet ) , conch , Krooins , etc 10,000
Total J59.600
These are the moro or less llxcd
Items of expense , and any ono who
has over attempted to keep a personal
account knows that when you have
put down the necessary expenses you
may add almost as much for the
thousand and one things that may bo
grouped conveniently under the head
of "Incidental expenses. " In a gen
eral way It may bo said that the mil
lionaire bachelor who spends from
$75,000 to $100,000 a year Is living his
life In accordance with the demands
of the time on men of wealth. Alns-
lee's.
. A Citlrli HH.
Turn round , and , with your back to
the table , ask somebody to throw the
dice. Then toll the person who threw
them to double the number of the spots
on the die on the left , and keep the
number to himself. Tell him to add
live , then multiply by live. To this fig
ure have him add the number of spots
on the die In the middle and multiply
the product by ten.
Then ask him to multiply the number
of spots on the third die and give you
the aggregate Hum. From the amount
subtract mentally 250 , and the remain
der will show In the three figures the
number of spots on each of the three
dice. Vur Instance , fnke three dice.
Their numbers are three , live and two ,
Double the ono on the left 11 vo plua
flvo equals ten. Add live , equals fif
teen. Multiply by live , equals seventy-
live. Add the number of spots on the
dlo In the middle , three , equals seventy-
eight. Multiply by ten , equals 780.
Add number of spots on the third dlo ,
two , equals 781 ! . Subtract JKw und 0112
remains , which arc numbers on the
dice.
Why < li < > Audience
At a public entertainment recently a
conjurer had an experience which was
highly comical , though quite disastrous
from a professional point of view.
Having produced an egg from a pre
viously empty bag , ho announced that
ho would follow up this trick by bring
ing from the bag the hen that laid the
egg. This little arrangement he left to
his confederate to carry out. He pro
ceeded to draw the bird from the bag ,
but what was his surprise on finding
that the alleged hen was an ohl rooster ,
which strutted about the stage with
nulled feathers and offended dignity
and set up as vigorous a crowing as If
It had Just awakened from Its noctur
nal slumbers.
The whole audience shrieked with
laughter , and the unfortunate conjurer
made a bolt for the dressing room.
Tin * TmuliloM t't'il.
The tumbleweed Is a curious plant ,
indigenous to the western prairies. It
grows In all directions from a central
stem , making , a large Hat head , close
to the ground. ID the fall , afUr being
touched by the frost or dried by the
weather , the stem breaks off , the head
becomes the sport of the wind and is
driven off across the prairie , scattering
seeds as It goes and dually bringing up
against some obstruction which arrests
Us progress. These weeds have been
seen piled ten feet higlr against n
fence , driven there by the wind.
Jack Tar in n Critic.
At an auction art sale the other day
a marine view was about to be knocked
down at a handsome figure when a
blulf sailor who had happened to wan
der In , ox-'lalmed earnestly :
"My stars. If there ain't a vessel
drifting on to the rocks with a strong
breeze blowing offshore ! "
The artist took his work home to re
arrange the wind.
She \Vn * SurprUcil.
Mrs. Neighbors What's that awful
racket In the next room ?
Mrs. Rounder Oh , that's only my
husband dressing to go downtown.
Mrs. Neighbors Indeed ! I've heard
folk say he was a loud dresser , but I
had no Idea It was anything like that
Chicago News.
No Out * Mmlr a 'Million.
"Kin any one make a motion V" asked
one of the audience. "Gents , " said
Alkali Hill , chairman of the meeting ,
as he laid Ids revolvers on the table ,
"owln" to the general custom of wear-
In * weapons In these parts 1 trust no
one will make a motion. " Philadel
phia Itecord.
A Menu Heft-imp.
Magistrate It's very disgraceful that
you should beat your wife.
Prisoner Well , yer honor , she ag-
grawated me by keepln' on sayln' she'd
'ave me hup afore that bald'eadcd hold
'umbug , meanln' yer honor.
Magistrate You're discharged.
A Coiiii > nrl oii.
"How'd ye like the lecturer at the
town hall last night. SI ? "
"Great ! He was n Hoston feller , an1 ,
I swan , I never laughed so hard In my
life. He knew more long words than a
negro minstrel. " Haltlmorc American.
A I.lltlr Clime.
"You married a rich wife , didn't
you ? " asked Jones of his friend.
"Yes , " he sighed , "hut she's not de
clared any dividend yet. "
CRUSHING A BORE ,
The Aufliorll ) ' mi Nnltirnl lllolarr
Tlmt Mjilimy .Smith tluolril ,
Sydney Smith Jokes have n delicate
flavor of age , but an anecdote In "Mem
ories of Half a Century" has not been
told so often as some of the clnxslc
talcs. Sydney wau a guest at the din
ner of an archdeacon , and a fellow
guest , whose hobby was natural his
tory , was a bore If once started on his
subject. Smith promised to try to keep
him In check. The naturalist got bis
opening.
"Mr. Archdeacon , " said ho , "liavr
you seen the pamphlet written by my
friend , Professor IMckonson , on the remarkable -
markablo H/.O of the eye In a common
house tly ? "
The nrchdoaron courteously wild he
had not. The bore pursued his advan
tage :
"I can assure you It Is a most Inter
esting pamphlet , setting forth part leu
liirw hitherto unobserved as to the unit-
mial slzu of that eye. "
"I deny the fact ! " said a voice from
the other end of the table. All smiled
have the bore.
'
"Yon deny the fact , sir ? " said ho.
"May I ask on what authority you con
demn ( he Investigations of my most
learned friend ? "
"I deny the fact , " replied Smith ,
"and 1 base my denial on ovldenco
wedded to Immortal verso well known
to every scholar at least at this table ! "
The emphasis laid on scholar nettled
the naturalist by Its Implication. "Well ,
nlr , " he said , "will yon have the kind
ness to quote your authority ? "
"I will , sir. The evidence Is those
well known , I may say Immortal , lines :
"Who saw him tile ? "
"I , " Hiihl the fly ,
"With my little cycl"
The guests roared , and during thr
rest of the dinner nothing further was
heard on the subject of natural his
tory.
THE COOKBOOK ,
reeled , chopped tomato sprinkled
over lettuce , the whole covered with
French dressing , makes n Russian
unhid. . „ . . < - <
To steam potatoes peel them and
when very clean put them In a colan
der over boiling water. Cover tightly
with a lid and leave them until done.
Tarragon leaves arc most useful In
salad and should be scalded , squeezed
In a towel and chopped line. This herb
gives a zest to the tulad that is always
appreciated.
When making beef tea , never add
the salt till the meat has been cooking
for several hours. Salt acts upon the
fiber and prevents It giving out all Its
nourishing properties.
A steak one Inch thick requires to be
broiled seven minutes ; one Inch and a
half , twelve minutes ; two .Inches ,
twenty minutes , near the lire at first
and then four Inches away.
A substitute for caper RIUICO Is made
by boiling some sprigs of parsley slow
ly to let It become a Imd color. Do not
chop It line. Set it in melted butter ,
season with salt and a dessertspoonful
of vinegar , boll up and serve.
A Xt w I'rofi-MMloii.
Young Mr. luswliii was hurrying
blindly along the street toward a chem
ist's with a bottle in his hand when
young Do Trop hailed him ,
Do Trop Hello , Inswlm ! I've
scarcely seen you for a year. Where
have you been keeping yourself since
you were married ?
InswlmOh , busy busy all the time.
Do Trop 1 say , what arc you doing
mostly ?
Inswlm I've got a new profession.
Do Trop What Is It ?
Inswlm Humorist.
Do Trop You don't say. I didn't
thlnl ; you were much In that line.
Inswlm I'm not a very glittering
Do Trop What er what sort of
work do you do mostly ?
And then young Mr. Inswlm leaned
over nnd whispered softly In young
Do Trop's ear :
"I'm spending most of my time try
Ing to humor a baby that's engaged It
tooth culture. "
Then he plunged madly on again tc
ward the soothing sirup shop. Lor
don Answers.
Tli < - KxiiiMiM ) > of Cnnnry IllnU ,
The keeping of canaries seems to b
n fairly expensive luxury. To stai
with , a really good bird will cost $5 <
You can easily spend more , but ? fi
will buy a fairly good Norwich bre
bird. The food the bird requires coi
slats of various delicacies In the fori
of rye. bread , rice , meal and vegcti
hies. Canaries are liable to1 all sort
of ailments , and this , of course , nece ;
sltates further expense , for the trea
ment of thpso complaints Is anythln
but cheap. Of course , no fancier <
canaries would be content with or
bird ; he must have at least a dozei
and the cost of some of these will ce
tainly run to ? 73. tKlfteen hundri
dollars per annum could easily be spei
In this manner without a very big she
for the money. London Tatler.
On n Shelf.
"Mamma , " asked little three-year-o
Margie , "do people go to heaven win
they die ? "
"Yes , dear , If they are good , " replU
her mother.
"Then I guess grandpa wasn't ni
liood , " rejoined the little miss , ' "can
when he died they just put him on
shelf In a big stone bouse and locki
the door. " Chicago News.
A lliiHlneNH .11 nn' Tribute.
"You admire that musician ? "
"Very much , " answered Mr. Cumro
"For bis compositions or for his pi
formances ? "
"Neither. For his nerve In clmrgli
J5 a scat.-Washington Star.
Three ftrrnt N
To review the work of Coluinbun
without referring to that of Vofipuoltn
and Magellan would leave the story of
new sea and world discovery discon
nected and Incomplete. This will bo
patent when It Is remembered that ,
though a believer In the rotundity of
the earth , It was not Columbus , but
Magellan , who first physically demon
strated , that fact by circumnavigation.
And Magellan might have failed but
for the previous work of VespuelUH.
The latter had explored the Atlantic
coast of South America farther south
than any of his predecessors and the
Houth Atlantic ocean eastward to the
Inlands of South Georgia , nearly to the
parallel of Capo Horn.
Ily this Journey Vespuclus d lion-
strated with n considerable degree of
certainty that the strait , which had
for some years been looked for , leadIng -
Ing to the elusive unknown sea that
bounded the eastern coast of Asia , was
not to be found through the new lands
of the west north of fil degrees south
nt all events. The mouth of the Amazon
zen , the bays of Hlo Janeiro and of tliu
La Plata had been explored and were
found to contain fresh water , so that
through none of these could an en
trance to the unknown sea on the fur
ther west be found.
! > } llnnd.
Mnhlng lace by hand Is a well de
veloped art In Paraguay. It was taught
the natives UOO years ago by the mis
sionaries and has been transmitted
from generation to generation till It la
now quite general throughout the re
public. Some towns are devoted to
making a certain kind of lace. In ono
town of 8,000 or 0,000 Inhabitants al
most all the women and children nnd
many of the men make lace collarettes ,
handkerchiefs and ladles' ties. An
other town makes lace embroidery nnd
others drawn thread work , such ns
centerpieces , try mutes , teaeloths nnd
dollies. The designs used In making
the lace are taken from the curious
vebs of the scmltroplcal spiders that
re so numerous there. On this nc-
ouut it Is called "nnnduti , " an Indian
mine which means spider web.
llrnvo Men.
Persians In general are not supposed
, o be the bravest people In the world ,
but even In Persia the Inhabitants of
ivashan , a mercantile city , are notorl-
jus for their lack of a warlike spirit.
Their pusillanimity has passed Into a
proverb and given rise to many stories.
One of the best of these Is that when
S'adlr Shah disbanded his army on Its
eturn from India the 150,000 men be-
onglng to Knshan and Its sister city
of Ispahan applied for an escort of 100
musketeers to see them safely home.
A Qiu-cr MnrrlnKu Custom.
In the Lee Choo islands there nro
omc curious marriage customs. Ono
onslsts In the bridegroom going round
o all his friends' houses and permlt-
Ing them to im& . > him up in any ridic
ulous style tint they fancy. Some-
lines the happi man Is arrayed In a
gnyly painted I'm-MO , the sleeves of
ivhlch are tied up with a string laden
ivlth bells , toji > it..J .rumpets. A mask
s then put on nnd n red hat , the "rig
nit" being completed by nn empty ker-
isene tin , which rattles noisily along aa
; ie walks , accompanied generally by a
: rowd of children.
Xot Worried ! > > Them.
Mamma Johnny , when you told me
hat that Sever boy threw stones at
rou you did not tell me that It was
after you had thrown stones at him.
Johnny I wasn't afraid of the
stones 1 threw at him , ma. It was
only the ones coming my way that I
ivas scart of. Boston Transcript.
One of the Intclllttrnt.
"Have you any scruples , " inquired
he prosecuting attorney , "against In-
llcting the death penalty In n case of
willful murder ? "
"Ort I to hev 'em , " cautiously asked
the talesman , "or not to hev 'cm , If 1
.lon't want to set on the Jury ? " Chicago
cage Tribune.
A IMiciioiuciinl ArtiM.
"He Is the only 11-410 musical phenom
enon I ever saw or heard. "
"Why do you say that ? "
"Uccause he acknowledges that he
tours the country for cash first and art
second and that this Isn't his farewell
appearance. " Cincinnati Commercial
Tribune.
A Clmnce Kor Him.
"I am afraid , " said the high brewed
bard , "that my poetry will never at
tract public attention. "
"Cheer up ! " said the loyal compan
ion. "Maybe you'll get appointed to
ollice one of these days , and then ev
erybody will talk about your poetry. "
Washington Star.
Ulverxr Aptiellleii.
" 1 wonder why donkeys ent thistles ? "
said the man who Is always finding
something peculiar In life.
"Oh , " answered the person who likes
plain food , "there Is no accounting for
taste. If n donkey were to give the
matter n thought , I suppose he would
wonder why human beings cat olives. "
Washington Star.
An Knvlnlile Position.
Biggs 1 met n man yesterday who
makes his living by buying millinery.
Hoggs Well , what of It ?
Biggs Oh , nothing ; only I've been
buying millinery ever since I was mar
ried , and I never made any money
by It. New York Herald.
Not niiBiiniletl Iiy Compliments.
Husband Your hair Is your crownIng -
Ing glory , my dear.
Wife That's all right , but I've got
to have a new bonnet Just the same.
Exchange.
Genius unexerted Is no more genlut
than a bushel of acorns Is a forest ol
oaks. . _ > _ -
A FEAST THAT FAILED ,
T.Ve Story ( if n llnccoon Tlmt IVitu
Not Ncr < -il Kor II
It Is within the memory of many
people that the custom of schoolteach
ers "boarding around" was the usual
thing In country districts. Although
n custom which teachers seldom liked ,
It Is doubtful If many of them hud an
hard a time as n young schoolmaster'
who described his experience In the
Now Kngland Galaxy for 1817. The
article was written by Leonard Ap-
thorp , then an undergraduate of Bow-
doln college. The young schoolmaster
was to receive $15 n month and bis
board.
Krom the first day 1 perceived that
I was at board on speculation and nt
the mercy of a close calculation , ho
writes. One day the whole dinner con
sisted of n single dumpling , which
they called n pudding , and live sau
sages , which In cooking shrunk to the
size of pIpestcniB. There were * live of
us nt table.
A few days afterward , on my return
from school , my eyes were delighted
by the sight of an animal I had never
Keen before. It was a raccoon , which
the young man , Jonathan , had killed
nnd brought home In triumph. When
skinned , he seemed to bo one entire
mass of fat and of n most delicate
whiteness. I was overjoyed and went
to bed early to dream of dellclouu
steaks which the morrow would bring.
Long before daylight I heard the
family stirring , and the alacrity of
quick footsteps and the repeated openIng -
Ing nnd shutting of doors all gave as
surance of the coming holiday.
I was soon ready for breakfast , nnd
when seated at table I observed that
the place of Jonathan was vacant.
"Where Is Jonathan ? " I asked.
"Gone- market , " said they.
"Market ! What market , pray ? I
did not know there was any market
In these parts. "
"Oh , yes , " they said , "he Is gone to
_ _ _ nlinnt Mllrlv m 11 pa tr > tlio Knlltll.
wnrd of us. "
"And what has called him up so
early to go to market ? "
"Ho is gone , " said they , "to sell his
raccoon. "
* 5i- FILTHY MECCA , * - -
Flie Holy City In the Dirticnt Spot In
All Inlani.
Mecca , the holy city of the faith ,
s called by many names. Some call
t "the Mother of Purity , " "the Cltn-
lei of Arabs , " "the Holy Mosque. "
Dthers speak of It ns "the Mother of
L'ompassiou. " "the Supreme Sanctity , "
'the Guardian Angel of Ajem. " The
lovout never utter the word Mecca
without adding to it some adjective
5f praise , such as "the blessed , " "tho
3.valtcd , " "tho great , " "the highly es-
.eemed , " nnd so on. The town Itself
s about two miles in length nnd one'
nile In breadth.
The dirtier the pilgrim keeps himself
Lhe more respected he is ns a pious
Moslem. Consequently Mecca , being
is it is the most sacred city of the
faith , Is literally the filthiest in Islam.
riio most Important streets measure
iibout ten yards in width. The rest
nro more lanes , wonderfully nnd pic-
lurcsquely crooked and some six feet
wldo. The streets were crowded with
tents , camels , mules , asses , horses ,
pariah dogs and a motley crowd of pil
grims , unspeakably disheveled and un
washed , while the lanes were abso
lutely tilled with every kind of offal
and refuse. Mecca , which lies In n
hollow , would be a regular cc&spool
were It not for the pariah dogs , lean ,
snarling brutes of a bright yellowish
color , that serve the purpose of scav
engers , nnd the llcrce , dry , Arabian
sun that Is the solo sanitary Inspector
In the country. The din the dogs make
at night is indescribable. A pack of
jackals would be quiet in comparison.
Ancotrr of ShoemnUlnsr.
There Is nothing vulgar about the
ancestry of the shbeinaking trade la
the United States. The first shoemak
er came over In the MnyUower. Ills
name was Thomas Beard , and he had
nn Income from the London company
of $100 a year and received fifty ucrea
of land on which to settle. Seven
years later the city of Lynn wrs
founded , and ever since It has been
making shoes foV the world. Philip
Kcrtland , n native of Buckingham
shire , was the first shoemaker of the
city of Lynn. In George Washington's
day Lynn had 200 master workmen
nnd COO Journeymuu shoemakers , turnIng -
Ing out every year no less than 300,000
pairs of line shoes.
1Ile Hlbc.
A curious means of moving boats la
employed o-i the river Elbe a chain
290 miles long at the bottom of the
stream , which Is too bwlft to navigate
In the usual way. The boats are ISO
feet long and provided with 200 horse
power steam engines which turn a
drum fastened on the deck. The chain
comes in over the bow , passing along
on rollers to tliu drum , around which
It Is wound three times. The chain Is
then carried to the stern , where It
drops back Into the water. The steam
crs tow five barges containing l.COO
tons.
Apnlnunr.
Applause Is the tonic of success.
When a fellow makes a hit , let him
know It In a good , round , royal way
If he has bcnse. It won't turn his head
and if he does get dizzy for a minute
what matters It ? Let him enjoy the
Intoxication while it lasts , for the serl
ous business of life will soon drive him
back to work again. Schoolmaster.
To Mnko mi Iinnremilon.
Mr. 1'argone My dear friend , I air
In despair. That girl's heart Is as ban
ns steel. I can inuUc no Impression 01
It !
Friend You don't go nt It In th
right wny. Try diamonds. They ar
harder than steel.
SECRETS
At tH Prlc of SuCferinrf.
Voman on her way to scmi-invalidism
miscd by pregnancy suffers much pain.
Ignorance prompts her to suffer alone
i silence mm remain in the dark as to
lie true cause motherhood.
Mother's Friend takes the doctor's
) lacc nnd she has no cause for an inter-
iew. She is her own doctor , nnd her
nodesty is protected. Daily application
r the breast nnd abdomen throughout
> repnnncy will enable her to undergo the
icriod of gestation iu a cheerful mood
nnd rest undisturbed.
MotHer's Friendi
s a liniment for external use only. It
vould indeed be sluimeful if the sacrifice
> f modesty were necessary to the success-
til issue of liunlthy children. All women
about to become mothers nictl send only
o a ( Imp store nnd for $1.00 secure the
nl/.c childbirth remedy. Healthy babies
ire the result of useing Mother's Friend.
Our book flotlicrhood" mailed free.
HE BRADFIELD REGULATOR CO. . ATLANTA. OA.
JEWS IN PALESTINE.
Snyx Itn HcNtnrnUnii Would
Fulfill ChrlHt'n MUnloii. j
Apropos of the British agitation for
the purchase of the Holy Land by the
Christians of the world , Israel Zang-
wlll , the well known novelist of the
Ghetto , writes as follows , according to
n special cablegram from London to
the St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
"If Christians would buy Palestine
nnd turn it over to the Jews , then this
latest crusade would atone for nil the . 4.
others , which wcro invariably accom
panied by a massacre of the Jews. As
the Jews would undertake to place a
guard of honor around the tomb of
Christ , the Ironies of history would be
satlslled in their case too. For the first
time in history Christ would achieve
liis mission of pence nnd reconcilia
tion. "
In one of the London papers n writ
er signing himself "Christian" warns
these who arc agitating for the pur
chase of Palestine that they nro es
pousing a hopeless cause , "because Je
hovah lias forbidden and will prevent
such a transaction. "
A synonym.
"What ? Fifty cents a box for those
pills ! " cried the customer. "Why , it's
robbery. "
"I wouldn't say that , " returned the
druggist coolly.
"No ? "
"No. Since pills are under discus
sion , I'd try to be humorous and call It
'pillage. ' " Philadelphia Press.
Counterbalanced.
Mr. Brown Darling , your butcher )
gives you short weight for your rnouey.i
Mrs. Brown But consider , my dear ,
the long wait you give him for his.
Illustrated Bits.
llln Clinncc.
Wickers I don't know what Is thr
matter with me. My memory is get
ting so treacherous that I cannot trust
it from one week to the next.
Vickers Is that so ? I say , can you
lend me $10 for about thirty days ?
After the Stttialilnr.
"What became of that Sunshine club
which Daisy started ? "
"Oh , It's under a cloud. After the
first annual election of officers It was
Impossible to get n quorum owing to
the fact that no two members of the
club wcro 'on speaking terms. ' " Chicago
cage Hccord-IIcrald.
Unconventional.
"You spoke of Gloobcr ns being
'queer.1 Is he mentally unbalanced ? "
"Not exactly that. lie's merely ec
centric and peculiar. He gives In his
property to the assessor at the same
figure he has it insured for. " Chicago
Tribune. ,
Whnt 114 Realized.
Judge You do noi seem to realize the
enormity of the chaige against you.
Prisoner No ; I ain't got my lawyer's
bill yet. but I'm expectlu' the charge ' 11
be enormous , nil right Philadelphia
Ilccord.
Free to You
If you RFC not well nil want to know tlin
truth about your
trouble , send for my
tree booklets and self
examination blanks.
No , 1 , Nervous Debili
ty ( Sexual Weakness ) ,
No. s. Varlcocele , No.
3,6trlctureNo.4Ktd-
npyand Illaddcr Com
plaints , No. ft , Dlaeasn
or Women. No. B , The
I'olson King ( Illood
1'olfton ) . No. 7 , < >
tarrh. These book *
nhouldbeln tliclmnd *
of every person atlltct-
erl , aa Ir. Hathaway ,
the author , Is -
nlzel as the best ati
'l.thorlty and expert In
the United Htalos nn
nn , IIATIIAWAV. theta diseases , Write
or send for the book you want to-day , anrt It
will be sent you free , sealed. Address J. New
ton Hathaway , M.I ) . *
51 Commercial block , Fourth aria
Nebraska Sts. , Sioux City , Iowa.