T1IK NOllKOLlv NEWS : FRIDAY. Al'dl'ST IJ ( , WOI ,
SIMPLE WORDS THAT HAVE TANGLED
UP ENGLISH COURTS.
fiome Tor HIM < if AlimiHt
Viic Tluil I'rntcil ( < > lie Too Pro-
foiinil For tin ItifflllKcttcn or thr
Lcnrncil Itoncli n ml Ilur.
In incase tUt came before a famous
loid justice some time ago the counsel
for the prosecution In the evidence hail
to intuition a "blouse. "
The Judge asked what a blouse was ,
and It was explained that this was part
of n lady's dress. But the case came tea
a dead stop for the time , for the Judge
did not know which part , nnd nftor
Borne hesitation the barrister admitted
that hu wasn't sure. Several learned
brothers gave their opinion , some opin
ing a blouse was the upper half of n
lady's costume , while others Insisted It
must be tlio lower half. The entire
court , filled with learned celebrities
whobe heads held all the laws of Ilrit-
nln , from pitch and toss to manslaugh
ter , argued It out , but nobody wns sure.
The Judge thought It was the lower
half , but a junior barrister who had
lately been married Bald he thought
that that half was culled a skirt , but
did not feel certain. At length a lady
was called , who sot the court right.
Another odtl dilemma happened not
long ago when In the Ilobson "horso
faking" case the won ! "fetlock" arose.
A fetlock , as everybody knows , Is the
nnklo of a horse. The court asked
what It was , however , nnd the prose
cuting counsel was nonplused. Thu
witnesses were out of court save one ,
nnd he knew nothing. The Judge
thought a fetlock was a sort of hind
knee , otherwise "hock , " but one learn
ed brother was quite certain It was the
lock of hair that hangs over a horse's
forehead. The defendant's solicitor
opined It was that part of the harness
which slips over the tall , the crupper ,
nnd another legal celebrity agreed with
the Judge. Finally the court had to call
a stable groom to clear np the mystery.
In a case that was settled some years
since the recorder was brought up
short by a phrase used by the counsel
for defense , who spoke of n transaction
concerning a pound of "blacklead. "
This Is a common and useful article ,
but the counsel on being asked to ex
plain Its nature said It was u black
substance used for boot polishing. The
recorder thought It was a mineral used
In lead pencils , but another barrister
asserted It to be a "tough kind of lead
used for rooting houses. " The case was
brought to a standstill , and one lawyer ,
Unsurpassed In Jegal knowledge , de
clared that blacklead was a slang Term
for pig Iron as produced In the north
country. A fourth expounder ofxthe
law vaguely suggested It was the op
posite of white lead , and finally n do
mestic servant put the court right , and
the assembly at last learned that It was
used for blacking stoves.
Another dilemma was produced n lit
tle while ago on the western circuit by
the Introduction of the words ' 'dry
nurse" In an address to the court. This
bewildered the Judge , who asked If a
dry nurse was a nurse who dried ba
bies after they had been washed. That
solution did not occur to the learned
counsel , who , after some hesitation ,
Bald be thought it meant n nurse who
was not addicted to drinking and there
fore most suitable to look after Infants.
Nobody seemed to know what the term
really meant , though several more
guesses were made , the last of them
that a dry nurse was one who could
not a muse children.
The court was again nonplused by n
statement made that somebody con
cerned In the case supposed to suffer
from melancjiolla was really "us jolly
as n sandboy. " The Judge wanted to
know what a sandboy was In order to
$ * . * form some Idea as to the exact degree
of jollity Involved. The counsel could
not tell him , though one suggested it
was a boy who sanded the roads and
* the other thought It might be a lad
X building sand castles on the seashore.
The whole court stopped to discuss
what a sandboy was and why he was
Jolly , but they could not solve the prob
lem.
It Is hardly believable that anybody
should not know what a "snnllle" Is ,
but n London magistrate recently desir
ed to be Informed , and nobody could
tell him what a snaflle might be. A
solicitor thought It was the same thing
as the "curb , " and the clerk had an
Idea It was a kind of cold In the head
which horses caught , causing them to
Bnuflle a good deal. London Answers.
\Vhnt a Knight of the Carter Wcnrs.
A Knight of the Garter dressed in
the regalia Is an Imposing sight. He
wears a blue velvet mantle with a star
embroidered ou the left breast. His
trunk hose , stockings and shoes are
white , his hood and surcoat crimson.
The garter , of dark blue velvet edged
with gold anrl bearing the motto , "lloul
eoit qul mnl y peuse" ( "Shame to him
who thinks 111 of it" ) , also In gold , Is
buckled about the left leg below the
knee. The heavy golden collar consists
of 20 pieces , each In the form of a gar
ter , bearing the motto , and from It
hangs the "George , " a badge which
represents St. George ou horseback en
countering the dragon. The "lesser
George" Is a smaller badge attached to
n blue ribbon worn over the left shoul
der. The star of the order consists of
eight points , within which Is the cross
of St. George encircled by the garter.
Ilentrii Out of Sljiht.
"Lord Halelgh's graceful little act of
Bacrlflclng his costly cloak BO that the
queen could go dry shod lias been out
done by a western bride. "
"What did she do ? "
"On a very slippery day last winter
Bhe scattered the cremated ashes of
her flrst husband on the front steps , so
that her second husband wouldn't Blip
dowii. " Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A l'iuli * I
"Sure , " snld \\asherwoinan , bondIng -
Ing her broad back ever the tubs ; "Hiiro ,
an It's a deetlcult matter , workln out a
dollar a day to support 'em seven chll-
dor In all. An the clothes , nia'ani , an
the shoes ! " She raised her dripping
hands and lot them fall with a souse
Into the soapsuds. She wax a big , vig
orous woman , with a good humored
face.
One afternoon she revealed the trend
of her financial ntnnagoment. An or
gan grinder was playing on the street ,
and a group of children danced on the
walk In front of the house and hung
about the fence watching the monkey.
The washerwoman stepped out to have
n look.
"Hero , my dear , " she called to one of
them , "won't ye be for glvln him folvo
cVntx ? " And she put n nickel Into the
child's hand.
"Well , " remarked the cook when Bho
came back Into the kitchen , "you give
away your 5 cents onsler'n I would. "
"Sure , " replied the other , "an what IB
folvo cents ? "
"It would buy a loaf of bread for
your children , " said thu eminently sen-
Bible cook , somewhat annoyed.
"An how far , " replied the good nn-
tured creature , laughing , with her
hands on her eslde. "how far , bless yer
Innocent heart , would a loaf of bread
go among my seven chlldor ? " New
York Commercial Advertiser.
Aini'rleiiii Humor ,
In his book , "America Today , " Wll
Ham Archer reproduces thu following i
as examples of American humor :
"On board one of the Florida steam
boats which have to be built with ex- j
cecdlngly light draft to get over the }
frequent shallows of the rivers , an |
KngllKhman accosted the captain with
the remark. 'I understand , captain , I
that you think nothing of steaming
across a meadow wheru there's been a
heavy fall of dew. ' 'Well , I don't |
know about that , ' replied the captain ,
'but It's true we have sometimes to
send a man ahead with a watering
pot. ' I
"Again , a southern colonel was con
ducted to the theater to see Salvlnl's j
'Othello. ' lie witnessed the perform- ,
mice gravely and remarked at the
close , 'That was a mighty good show , |
and I don't see but the coon did as well
a.s any of 'em. ' |
"A third anecdote that charmed me
was that of the man wllo , being In- .
'
vlted to take n drink replied , 'No , no , I ,
solemnly promised my dear , dead moth
er never to touch a drop ; besides , boys , '
It's too early in the morning ; besides ,
I've just had one. ' "
lie Came lit Imnt.
"John , " exclaimed thu nervous
woman , "there's a burglar In the I
house. Tin sure _ of It. " I
John rubbed iiis eyes anil protested t
mildly that It was Imagination. |
"No It isn't ; I heard "a man down
stairs. "
So John took a box of matches and
went down. To his surprise his wife's
suspicions were correct. Seeing that
ho was unarmed , the burglar covered
him with a revolver and became quite
sociable.
"Isn't It rather late to be out of
bed ? " hu remarked.
"A cr a little bit , " replied John.
"You're too late , anyhow , because
I've dropped everything out of the
window and my pals have carried It
off. "
"Oh , that's all right. I'd like to ask
one favor of you , though. "
"What Is it ? "
"Stay hero till my wlfo can comedown
down and see you. She's been looking
for you every night for the past 12
years and I don't want her to be
disappointed any longer. "
Tclegrnnh In Argentina.
A peculiar but very serious difficulty
besets the operation of telegraph lines
In the Argentine Republic. The small
spider , of the variety that spins a long
cobweb -and floats on It in the air , Is
so plentiful there that the floating
webs settle on the wires In enormous
quantities. As soon as dew falls era
a shower of rain comes up every micro
scopic thread becomes wet and estab
lishes a minute leak. The effect of
thousands and millions of such leaks
Is practically to stop the operation of
the Hues , and the government tele
graph department , especially In Buenos
Ayres , has been put to vast Inconven
ience by the cobwebs. A number of
expedients have been tried , but to no
avail. On the Important line between
Buenos Ayres and Ilosarlo the effect
of the spider webs Is to cut down the
speed of working from 300 to 400 to 30
messages an hour. The government
has Just determined , as a last resort ,
to connect the two points by an under
ground cable about ICO miles long.
StitRecnnch Mail.
The Franklin ( Pa. ) Leader , referring
to the flrst dally mall by stagecoach
from Plttsburg to that place on April
17 , 1S50 , quotes from a local report In
The Spectator to show how the con
venience was viewed In those days as
follows :
"The dally mall brings us some 1,000
miles nearer the world and the rest of
mankind. The Plttsburg newspapers
are now received the day following
their publication , and we can get along
without a telegraph. The fare for pas
sengers from Franklin to Plttsburg Is
$2.50 , which Includes board on the
way. "
A AVeilillntr Present.
A widower In Scotland recently pro
posed to and was accepted by a widow
whoso husband had died but n month
or two previously.
To celebrate the occasion , ho asked
the widow's daughter what she would
like for a present. She wanted noth
ing , she said ; but being pressed to
name something she replied :
"Well , If you want to spend siller ,
yon might put up a hehlstonc to my
father.London Teligraph.
DOTH OF THE PARTICIPANTS WERE
QUICK ON THE TRIGGER.
An Rnfnrocil I'nrnili * 1'retM'iloil the
Cuu Piny , AVIileli WIIM on the 1'ull
nntl Shoot OrilrrVliy llriittoii AVilx
tHnil lie Lout III" ItlKht Iliiiul.
"The most all'eotlonatu looking two
handed gnu play that 1 over saw , " wild
a Colorado gentleman In one of the
house commit too rooms , "was the ono
that happened at La Junta , In my
state , between MUg Dlvltlu Jim' Knit-
ton and George Gannon , as plzcnlfdi a
pair of real bad men of the typo that
lias now passed away us ever fanned n
. 15 or twlstetl a Howie.
"Gannon was the proprietor of the
Gilt Kdgc honkatonk In La Junta , and
It was at this place that ho had KOIUD
trouble with Hrntton. The argument
ended by Itratton backing out of thu
door ' with his hands up , Gannon having
the drop. Gannon didn't shoot then be
cause his gun wasn't loaded. He had
been cleaning It anil had forgotten to
replace the cartridges. He'd have killed
Kratton otherwise as a matter of
course.
"That same night Itratton sent word
lo Gannon that he meditated shooting
him up some on the following day.
Gannon wasn't a man to take to thu
cliffs or the cactus having plenty of
notches on his gun barrel hlmsHf , and
hu walked around the next afternoon
like n light battery of artillery. 'IHg
Divide Jim' llratton bulged him , how
ever , by turning a corner suddenly as
Gannon paraded down the main street ,
and then It was Gannon's hands that
went up for n change. Kratton bail
two guns covering him , and Gannon
knew his gait.
" 'This , ' saltl Kratton , 'Is where I get
an even break for my coin. Now , you
like me M > much , Gannon , that I want
yon to sort of show your appreciation
of me by walkln around town linked
arms with me for awhile. '
"It was up to Gannon to comply with
this peculiar request. 'Klg Dlvltlu Jim'
Kratton Jabbed his guns back Into hh
belt , and then ho clntHioil Gannon's
left arm and passed It through his
right. The disadvantage1 of this ar
rangement accrued to Kratton. It left
Gannon's gun arm free , while In case
of argument Kratton would have to USD
his left gun. Kut 'KIg Divide Jim'
wasn't selfish.
"The population of La Junta was
amazed to see 'KIg Divide Jim' Krat
ton nnd George Gannon , who had .tl-
wnys been more or k" < s sore ou eai.li
other and who had had a quarrel that
meant the death of one or both of them
on thu night before , walking arm In
arm up and down the main street of
the town. It looked like a peripatetic
love feast between the two of 'em. Kut
| they were watching each other like
cats. At the end of the si reel Itratton ,
[ still with his right arm linked to Gan
non's left , stopped suddenly and said :
" 'George , I ain't much on the blow
about any gun suddenness that I may
possess , but I sure want to give you a
chance. You thrung It Into mo last
night In a way that's eat up * o much of
the atmosphere around here that
there's not enough air left In this
neighborhood for both of us to breathe
at one and'tho same time. I'm a-goln
to count three , and when I say "three"
It's a breakaway and a finish. You've
got a loose right arm , but I ain't no
hog. One two three ! '
"The event proved 'KIg Divide Jim'
Bratton the quicker man and the better
marksman. lie got Gannon through
the heart , whereas Gannbn's ball lodg
ed In Kratton's right wrist. Kratton
had to suffer his right hand to be cut
off that same night.
"The last time I saw him was In
Crcedu. He was sitting on the edge of
a bunk In his own cabin , close lo a
claim he was working. I hadn't teen
him since he'd lost his hand.
" 'Jim , ' said I , 'it's too bad you
should have lost that right hand. If
the fellow that plugged you had only
got the left hand , why'
" 'Oh. I don't know. ' said Kratton
philosophically , 'if I'd ha' lost my left ,
I wouldn't have been able to play the
fiddle any more.1
"He reached under his bunk and
brought forth nn old violin. Then he
rigged up an attachment he had for
holding the bow In his right stump ,
and ho played the Instrument real
sweetly for me for half an hour or so.
" 'I couldn't have done no flngerln If
I'd ha" lost my left hook , you know , ' he
Bald Pimply when he put the old fiddle
away. " Washington Post.
The Ttvo Itonicon.
Joe Jefferson told this storv : "David
Garrlck nnd Sprnnger Karry were both
playing Komeo nt the same time In
London. Kirry played It at Drury
Lane on the Monday and Garrlck play
ed It the next night at Covent Garden ,
and the town was divided as to which
was the greater Komeo In fac , there
was quite a great excitement about it ,
and they acted It upon such different
lines and with such mnrvelously differ
ent conceptions that the people argued
the case as to which Shapespcare In
tended. The fact Is that Shakespeare
Intended It to be acted well , and If
one man's temperament suited It best
to act In that way It would do for an
other temperament the other way.
"So they asked Mrs. Slddons , who
was the Juliet alternately with the
Bame Uomeo , which she considered bet
ter of the two , and she said : 'It IB ill HI-
cult to Bay ; they are both wonderfully
great , but I will tell yon how they
Impress me In the balcony scene. In
the balcony scene Gnrrlck seems BO
eager , so Intense and so full of fire anil
spirit that I'm afraid he'll Jump up In
the balcony to mo , and Barry Is BO lov
able and fascinating that I'm afraid I
shall have to jump down from the bal
cony to ului. ' "
ridoil in * riicn <
"I shall have to make a law.ver out of
tlmt boy of mine , I don't HOC any other
way out of It , " declared the well
known attorney , with a laugh. "lh
came Into my olllee the other day on
his way home from school and laid a
nickel down on the desk before nu > ,
" 'What IH this for , son ? * I nuked.
" 'Hotalner , ' ho answered soberly.
" 'Very well , ' mild I , entering Into th
Joke. 'What luivo I been retained
upon ? '
"My boy ting down Into his pocket
and produced a note from his teacher
anil placed It before me without com
ment. It was to the effect that ho had
been 'cutting up * and ndvlned a whip
ping.
" 'Now , what would you advise ? '
ashed ho In a buslncHHlllto voice after I
had road thu note and HIIW thu trap
tlmt young rascal Ibil me Into.
' "I think that out llrst move should
bo to apply for a change of venue , '
mild I.
" 'Very well , ' ho answered. 'You're
handling the ease. '
" 'Then wo will turn the note over
to your mother , ' said 1.
" 1 saw the young Imp's face fall at
this , but bo braced up and Haiti :
" 'See here , pop , you're bound to BOM
mo through on this , 'cinme you've ac
cepted my retainer , you knowl'
" ' ' before the
'I'll argue your OIIHD
court , ' 1 answered , 'but you will have
to accept the decision. I would not
dare to attempt to Influence the court. '
"Well , I pleaded thu boy'H cane ,
promptly had It thrown out of court ,
nnd the boy got what hu dcsorvod-n
good whipping.
"It was the first time I ever played
false to a client. " Detroit Free Press.
lIiirm-K WniiiuliMl In llutMr.
Horses wounded on the battlelleld
are duly attended to when no danger
to human life Is Involved. The veteri
nary olllcer In charge Is expected to
follow close on the lighting tine and ,
together \ \ Ith n number of alilH , to In
spect properly wounded animals and
give Instructions for their removal or
slaughter , an the case may be. The
veterinary surgeon Is naturally expos
ed to considerable danger , but If his
work Is not carried out during the
progress of hostilities In nil probability
It cannot be accomplished afterward ,
for , although the royal army medical
corps Is allowed to proceed to the res
cue of the wounded men under the
Red CrosH. the members of the army
veterinary department are not permit
ted to attend to the Injured horses , be
cause they are not under the protection
of the ( Seiiova convention , whleh makes
, no provision whatsoever for wounded
animals.
I At the conclu.sloii of the buttle , If It
1ms been decisive ami one or other of
the combatant armies has been driven
from the Held , a party of veterinary
Burgeons , with their assistants , Is Bent
oin to V'Ujine ! ' every JU/ljnal tliaj has
, fallen and to snoot Mich as are badly
wounded. Those suffering from only
Blight Injuries are collected and taken
to the veterinary hospital lines , formed
as llx'ed camps and established on a
similar basis to those of the royal ar
my medical corps. Pearson'H Maga
zinc.
A Dry Smoke.
If you see a man with an nnllghted
cigar between his lips , It IH not because -
' cause he Is looking for a light , but be-
1 cause he Is indulging In the pleasure of
, a "dry smoke. " How there can be any
I enjoyment In this to n smoker is not
readily apparent , but the fact remains
'
that there Is much satisfaction Hi the
, habit , and , besides , there are no bane
ful effects.
For Inveterate smokers the dry smoke
Is n good habit to cultivate. It enables
many slaves of the weed to decrease
' the number of cigars actually smoked
In a day without causing much Incon-
j venience. Of course an Inveterate
Hinoker would find no pleasure In the
habit at the start , but perseverance Is
necessary , and after awhile he will enJoy -
Joy his dry smoke almost us much as
the real one. It Is n gootl way to be
gin If you desire to stop smoking. Try
It and Bee. New York Herald.
lie Ornhbrd the Offer.
Ex-Governor George W. Peck of
Wisconsin , author of "Peck's Bad
Boy , " was running n llttlo country
weekly In the pineries In the early BX- !
ties. It was an unimportant sheet
nave for 0110 column of Jokes which
Peck wrote each week. This depart
ment caught the eye of "Brick" Pom-
* ii - * * ? * - * . * - ' * r .T"t . s * * *
eroy , who was then printing his Dem
ocrat In Lacrosse , Wls. , and one day
he wrote to Peck asking him whether
he would be willing to go down to Lacrosse - '
crosse and work for The Democrat at
§ 25 a week.
Three days later Mr. Pomeroy got
this telegram : "I accept your offer
quicker than Instantly. For heaven'a 1
Bake don't withdraw It ! "
He Explained.
At a school one day a teacher , hav
ing asked most of his pupils the dif
ference between an Island and a peuln-
Bula without receiving a satisfactory
answer , came to the last boy.
"I can explain It , sir , " said the bright
youth. "First get two glasses. Fill
one with water anil the other v'tli '
milk. Then catch a fly and place It
In the glass of water. That fly Is an
Island , because It Is entirely surround
ed by water. Kut now place the fly In
the glass of milk , and It will be a
peninsula , because It Is nearly sur
rounded by water. "
The boy went to the top of the class.
There are many people who make It
n point when they receive a goldploce
to withdraw It from circulation by
hiding It In home secret place , nnd the
amount of gold thus hoarded Is prob
ably very large.
In Portugal married women retain
their maiden nauica.
A NEW YORK MEAL ESTATE AGENT ON
THEIR CHAHACTEHISTIC3.
t'rnillnr Mum \VhIt'll , A < < < ! r ill it u In
III * 12 | ir I en IMS IVopIr of DlfTrriMif
\iiUiiiinllllfN Til I * M In luiiNlliK .
Trontilu In ( lip Oiitipr * .
The first iiiu'Htlon put by tlio renting
agent \VIIH , "What liiilloniillly , please V" |
mill Ilio woiniui In ( lie blue lint replied
byiiNhlng\Vliy do you want to know'I / I
" 1 iiH'init no offense , " Mild tilt' agent ,
"I only thought tlial by finding out
your nutloniillty I could refer yon at
otu'o to certain buildings on tuy HH (
which wonhl lie apt to plcnso yon. " |
Tlic woman In the blue lint had hall' u
notion to get Hilary.
"I don't HOC what my natlonnllly haste
to do with finding a Hiillahlu tlat , " Hho
nald.
"It IIIIH a good tlcal to do with It , "
Halt ) ( lie agent. "Now , I can HCO
straight oil' that you arc an American ,
born and bred , 'I'lilH IH a tlellcnto ipics-
( Ion that you have plunged me Into ,
Inil Hlnco I am In It I mean to llounder
around a little while longer anil tell
you a few facts pertaining to the mi rim
anil dcmcill.H of illll'eieiit iintlnnallllt'H
consldeicd In the light of llnthoiiHn
tenanlH.
"First of all , I want to speak fiom
the Htandpolnt of prompt payment If
my NIICCOSS In business tlepemletl upon
each tenant piling hlH rent exactly
when ItVIIH due , 1 would try to till all
my houses \vlth Scotchmen. NCMT
have I lost a penny on a Scot , and HI Idem I
dom have 1 had to wait.
"I am not making the ra.sh asset ( Ion
( hat It IH Impossible for a Scotchman
to be dlHhonesI while everybody elne is
trying his best to cheat mo out of my
very eycleetli. Tlio point I wish to
make Is that personally I have never
Hiiffercd IOHH at tlio bauds of a Sent.
Mnt they give ( rouble In other WIIJH.
They aio fearfully quarrelsome-
ni I He HO many rows with the other ten
nuts through ( ho dumb waller shaft
that It keeps the Janitor busy straight
onlng out tlomestlc Hiiarls. In all my
buildings where Scotchmen reside I
select a Janitor with a view to his even
disposition and diplomatic gifts. It
doesn't matter so much about his abil
ity for scrubbing anil keeping the fur
nace going. I'lllltai'lan act'oinplMi-
inentH arc a seenndary consideration M >
long IIH he Is endowed with the blessed
qualities of a peacemaker.
"Taken all In all , ( be most peaceable
people I gel In my IIOUSCH hall 1'ioin
.Swollen. You never hear a peep nut
of it Swede , IIo doesn't bother b H
neighbors and he doesn't bother mo
unless the piovocallon Is extreme. AH
a rule , he Is good pay loo. The only
fault I have to llnil with him IH bis 1
fondness for moving. A lease Is a
dead letter In his eye , ami he. IIIIH no
inoTo compunction about moving with
out a tiro's notice than hu has about
going to bed when he Is sleepy"
Tlio woinim In the blue fiat asked
what were the chief characteristics "f
Americans as tenants.
"Their supreme sclllshiicss , " Bald the
agent. "They ha\o not a spark of
consideration for a landlord. They
want thu earth. They never get
through asking for Improvements. They
nr.1 not content to get the walls tinted
and thu woodwork painted and thu
plumbing llxc.il once or twice a year.
They want new decorations every
mouth , ami all thu trimmings miiht be
first class too. American tenants pay
big prices for their Hats , but there Isn't
really so much prollt In catering to
them as to other nationalities , for the
slmplu reason that I have to pay out
nearly all my Income In trying to keep
I
up thu building l the style they de
mand. On the other band , the people
who ask for the least are the Itallanu
and the French. They take most any
old tiling I feel like giving them , the
French meekly providing their owu
decorations and the Italians going
without.
" 1 like German tenants pretty well ,
too , but they are terribly hard on Hats.
I never could understand how they
manage to Inflict so much damage on
walls mid doors. Judging by the looks
of an apartment just vacated by a
large Gorman family , one would think
that their star piece of furniture was
a battering ram.
"The czar's former subjects also have
an abnormally developed bump of de-
structlveiiess , although they run to
gliis lnsteatlpf plastering. 1 have one
house ( Town town that Is occupied by
ten Russian families , and If they were
not compelled to repair their own darn-
ages It would keep me poor putting In
new windows and buying new gas
globes.
"I also rent to colored people. I hove
three houses full of them at present ,
and I must say that I have never had
better tenants. Hut when you come
down to facts , all my tenants arc nice
people , only I thought It might not bo
amiss while on the subject of nation
ality to mention a few of the peculiari
ties of each. " New York Sun.
TuliliiK It Out In Trade.
"The advertising business would be
all rl ht , " baid ( lie head of one of the
big advertising companies , "if tlio people
you did biihlai'bs for would pny their
bills in cash. Von thought they did ,
did you ? Well , some of them do , hut a
good ninny of them don't , ami then you
get landed np with truck that you have
to dispose of at thu best figures you can
Bet.
Bet."In
"In the labt yenr I've had to take mer
chandise enough to stock a department
store. I've had tuns and tons of stuff.
I have had three tons of candy alone.
I've had groceries , dry goods , novelties ,
clothes and about everything you con
think of. We laugh when wo read la th #
country papers that wood ami conl anil
fresh vegetables and the like will be taken -
on In payment for bubscriptlons nud ad
vertising , but right hero in New York
city that sort of thing Is going on , only
on a larger scale , nnd it's DO laughing
matter cither. Wouldn't It jar you ? "
New York Suu.
If a Woman
wants to nut out n fire she donsn'l
hcnp ou oil and wood. She thrown
on waterknowiaithat ; watorquenchr.j
tiro. When " woman wan 1.1 to got
well from diseases peculiar to her sex ,
r.ho should not add fuel lo the Lira
J already liuniin , ; her life away. She
II I I bhoulil not lake worthless drui | ; and
' potions composed of harmful narcot
| ics and opiates. They do not check
HIP disease Ihey do not euro It--they
j simply add fuel lo the fire.
< Urndfleld'i Female
j Regulator should ho
! taken by every woman
or firl ; who han the
shyhleit suspicion of
liny "f tin' ( lit.
ll"-lltn wllli ll lit.
Out w n in i < n ,
I liry will Hiinply
t O WflHtlll } ' tlltlU
until tin y tukv It.
'I lie Ki'K'ilnior ( i
it | > it r 11 y I tur ,
minimi Ii i nl n | {
ii nit , \vlil < Ii vi't'i
It lllO
.llm-lltl * ( I till I Illl'l
till- mime ll ilni'H ni't ilttit :
lliu IIIKII , It I'tmlli uli'H It.
II nli t fathni ; n ( lliu uiiinl * ,
It'll'I I I llrll , lllllllMltlllllllill
liiul I t IH'iluul Niiirt "luff , Ir-
ii 'iiliii. nullity or I'liinfiil
Ihl HKl I IHltli'll ; lltlllll ) | | ! ) (
nil ( Inn ilrurH u\Miy thii
liuti'llt ninl inn1 iH-lirs HIM )
I ii IIH \\luih ilralii lit'iiltli
1111.1 , ltnipliiPKH | ninl
1 I. mi < r [ mm many 11
III ) 1 fill' ll | H till ! "MO
h < v' i v win no shuulil
know ill nl and IIHI * .
ttl.O'l IHT tiiitlln
ill liny illHC nlnrn.
Si-nil fur nut
Iliusliutiil l > i k.
The < ? '
Zr.7d'field
Co.
Att.int.i , G.I.
Wa hmll thq fiitlafffnK urn . ) Hint
'Vt.lll.ir Illonllnmtli , Hrnl , r .ic
ft Afirllirrn I riniMi hrrrf , .it
'i . ' .
Sl.rnt' Ixiirllrlliiliinhr .in
i * Illy lltrilrn Hfrl n J , .in
i' 19-IU ; lli.ll.li hrril , .in
ii I X. fl.rl.i Irllumrinr il , . .in.u
ii llrllllint tliixurHroil , . .u.u
Al o ? 10 l > ftrk . K' In" ! ll'i * ' III ' 8 " 111
null frill flrl. lnu > I r wild HIT gt < l
Illuitrti IHaiiMthii n , ti lllu ull kbi > ul
futlfr'm Illllliin ll.iltur Cm. .
Al.il L'liulrn Onion Hri il , IIOr. Hi ,
TiiK'llirr , . . , . .
' lit llui.LniMli. r mill it > <
Iktitc * * , i 1 firm tl * iiiifin rirHj I r > Ml < l ,
n I IhUoitllrr. Ulirn.nni fiii iiUnl
Htliei iHiM. r ii mil n i > r li. lllrjul.
JOHN A SMIR 5ECD CO. , U ( ro..fui. .
SS- Hoate
FROM
TO
Kansas City , St. Lenis
AND
THE FAMOUS HOT SPRINGS
OF ARKANSAS
and all Points South and Southeast.
Fast Time and Superior Through Sur-
vlee. Heelining Chair Ours ( Heats tree ) .
Pullman Kull'et Sleeping Cars.
For pimiphli ts and full information
[ lertaining to above territory , call on or
write A
J. 0. PH1LLIITI , W. C. HAltNES ,
A. 0. P. mill I' . A. , T. P. A
Sonthcaet Cor. lltli ninl Douglas Ste.
OMAHANKDKABKA
H-H-i H-H-H-1-H-H-H-J-l-H-H-I- . '
"Outivard'j : i
Acts |
j <
H1'HiilliH.HtHHHIH'I
Placing an advertisement in
a well circulated newspaper is
an outward act that betrays an
intention.
It indicates that the adver
tiser is bound to be at the head
of the procession , that he is up
to date.
The merchant who has confidence In his
goods and honestly and plainly states
his case begets confidence in prospective
buyers.
The place for such a state
ment is the advertising columns
of the local newspaper. For
this community these are the
columns.
.
H-1'HiilliH.H-t-H-H-H-I-H'
