In May Beware
of Dyspepsia.
NOT ANNOYED , OF COURSE
Capt. Butt Was Merely Giving to His
Friend a Few Philosophical
Reflections.
Capt. Archibald W. Butt , the presi
dent's military aide , was called out of
bed at nine o'clock one morning to
answer a telephone call.
"Archie , " said his friend on the
other end of the wire , "I called you
up to tell you that I shall not be able
to keep the appointment I made with
you for eleven o'clock today. "
"I'm sorry , " said Butt , his tone a
trifle chilly.
"Yes ; it's too bad , " agreed the
other.
There ensued an ominous pause.
"You know , " remarked Butt sententiously -
tiously , "telephoning seems to be a
habit , a bad habit , in Washington.
People are beginning to issue their
invitations by telephone. They 'phone
"on the slightest provocation. They
don't seem to know when not to tele
phone. They even get you out of bed
to talk to you on the telephone. "
"I'm afraid I annoyed you , and
you're bawling me out , " said the
friend.
"Oh , no ! " contradicted Butt in a
louder tone. "My remarks are merely
a few philosophical reflections induced
by the early hour of the morning. "
The Sunday Majpazine.
f- SCRATCHED TILL BLOOD RAN
"When , , my boy was about three
months old his head broke out with a
rash which was very itchy and ran a
watery fluid. We tried everything we
could but he got worse all the time ,
till it spread to his arms , legs and
then to his entire body. He got so
bad that he came near dying. The
r rash would itch so that he would
'
scratch till the blood ran , and a thin
yellowish stuff would be all over his
pillow in the morning. I had to put
mittens on his hands to prevent him
tearing his skin. He was so weak
and run down that he took fainting
spells as if he were dying. He was
almost a skeleton and his little hands
were thin like claws.
"He was bad about eight months
when we tried Cuticura Remedies. I
had not laid him down in his cradle
in the daytime for a long while. I
washed him with Cuticura Soap and
put on one application of Cuticura
Ointment and he was so soothed that
he could sleep. You don't know how
glad I was he felt better. It took one
box of Cuticura Ointment and pretty
near one cake of Cuticura Soap to
cure him. I think our boy would have
died but for the Cuticura Remedies
and I shall always remain a 'firm
friend of them. There has been no
return of the trouble. I shall be glad
to have you publish this true state-
merft of his cure. " ( Signed ) Mrs. M.
C. Maitland , Jasper , Ontario , May 27 ,
1910.
Not Exactly Patriotic.
He was , let us say , Irish , was amonc
several men of other nationalities , and
had imbibed several beverages. He
was extremely anxious , moreover , to
uphold the glories of Erin , but was
not quite so sure of what was going
on about him. A foreigner near him
remarked :
"An honest man is the noblest work
of God ! "
The Hibernian didn't quite catch
what was said :
"Get out ! an Irishman is ! " hf
roared.
A Herford Bon Mot.
Oliver Herford and a friend were
strolling through a section of town
that was plentifully strung with pul
ley lines on which many -family
"wash" was waving in the wind. Mr.
Herford's companion called attention
to the manner in which these gar
ments shut out the sky and otherwise
disfigured the landscape. Mr. Herford
gazed at them thoughtfully and then
gently murmured : "The short and
simple flannels of the poor. "
Well Known.
JBlobbs Is Harduppe pretty well
known in your town ?
Slobbs I should say he is. He's so
well known he can't even borrow an
umbrella , Philadelphia Record.
For your own sake , don't wait until it
1 happens. It may be a headache , tooth
ache , earache , or some painful accident.
HamlinB Wizard Oil will cure it. Get a
bottle now.
You are not responsible for the dis
position you were born with , but you
are responsible for the one you die
with. Babcock.
A man is seldom arrested for strik
ing au attitude.v
attitude.'r
'r
'
-
SERIAL
STORY
I LITTLE
IBROWN
BROWN JUG
! IATI ]
KILDARE
By
MEREDITH NICHOLSON
Illustrations By
BAY WALTERS
r
Copyright 1003 by The Eobbs-Merrtll Company.
28 '
SYNOPSIS.
Thomas Ardmore .and Henry Maine
Sris\vold stumble upon intrigue when the
governors of North and South Carolina
are reported to have quarreled. Griswold
allies himsclC with Barbara Osborno ,
daughter of the governor of South Carolina
lina , while Ardmore espouses the cause of
.jorry Dangrerlield , daughter of the gqv-
< rnor of North Carolina. These two ladies
! -c trying to fill the shoes of their fa-
i .TS. while the latter arc missing. Both
: , ite.s are in a turmoil over one Apple-
% ight , an outlaw with great political in-
once. Unaware of each other's posi-
i. both Griswold and Ardmore set out
r.iake the other prosecute. Both have
" - -es scouting the border. Griswold cap-
vs Appleweight , but Jerry finds him
i 'ii takes him to Ardsley , her own pris-
r. Ardmore arrests a man on his
1 "jperty who says he is Gov. Osborne.
weunwhile another man is arrested as
Appleweight by the South Carolina
i-.ilitfa. The North Carolina militia is
illed into action. When Col. Gillingwa-
. . ' r. Jerry's fiance , finds that real war is
afoot , he tlees. Appleweight is taken se-
rretly by Ardmore and lodged in a jail in
South Carolina. Returning to Ardsley ,
Ardmore finds that Billings , the banker ,
and Foster , treasurer of North Carolina ,
have been arrested. Barbara Osborne ar
rives at Ardsley. Dispute as to who has
the real Appleweight results in the iden
tification of the man jailed by Ardmore in
South Carolina as the outlaw and that
Griswold's prisoner is Gov. Dangerlield
of North Carolina. It develops that the
two governors are 9n the most friendly
terms , and had retired together to the
wilds of the border , for a rest from the
cares of state.
CHAPTER XIX. Continued.
"No ! " cried Jerry. "We shall do
nothing of the kind ! I met Mr. Ap
pleweight under peculiar circumstances
*
stances , but I must say that I formed
a high opinion of his chivalry and I
beg that we allow him to take a little
trip somewhere until the .Woman's
Civic League of Raleigh and the carp
ing Massachusetts press have found
other business , and he can return in
peace to his home. "
"That , " said Gov. Osborne , "meets
my approval. "
Two more prisoners were now
brought in.
"Gov. Dangerfield , " continued Ard
more , "here is your state treasurer ,
who had sought to injure you by de
faulting the state bonds due to-day ,
which is the first of June. And that
frowsy person with Mr. Foster is Sec
retary Billings of the Bronx Loan &
Trust Company , who has treated me
at times with the greatest injustice
and condescension. Whether Treas
urer Foster has the money with which
to meet those bonds I do not.know ;
but I do know that I have to-day paid
them in full through the Buckhaw Na
tional bank of Raleigh. "
Col. Daubenspeck leaped to his feet
and swung his cap. He proposed three
cheers for Jerry Dangerfield ; and
three more for Barbara Osborne ; and
then the two governors were cheered
three times three ; an when the
bungalow had ceased to ring , it was
seen that Ardmore and Griswold were
in each other's arms.
"Surely , by this time , " said Mrs.
Atchison , "you have adjusted enough
of these weighty matters for one day ,
and I beg that you will all dine with
us at Ardsley tonight at eight o'clock ,
where my brother and I will endeavor
to mark in appropriate fashion the
signing of peace between your neigh
boring kingdoms. "
"For Gov. Osborne and myself I
accept , madam , " replied Gov. Danger-
field , "providing the flowing frock-
coats , which are the vestilre and sym
bol of our respective offices , are still
in the log house on the /Raccoon
where I became a prisoner. "
CHAPTER XX.
Good-By to Jerry Dangerfield.
The next morning Ardmore knocked
at Griswold's door as early as he
dared , and went in and talked to his
friend in their old intimate fashion.
The associate professor of admiralty
was shaving himself with care.
"You won't have any hard feelings
about that scarlet fever business , will
you , Grissy ? It was downright selfish
of me to want to keep the thing to
myself , but I thought it would be fun
to go ahead and carry it through and
then show you how well I pulled it
off. "
"Don't ever refer to it again , if you
love me , " spluttered Griswold , amia
bly , as he washed off the lather. "I ,
too , have ruled over a kingdom , and I
nave seen history in the making ,
quorum -pars magna fui. "
"But I say , Grissy , there is such a
Ihing as fate and destiny and all that
after ail ; don't you believe it ? "
"Don't I believe it ! I know it ! "
thundered Griswold , reaching for a
fowel. He lifted a white rose from a
glass of water where it had spent the
ulght and regarded it tenderly. "The
right rose under the right star , and
che thing's done ; the rose , the star
and the girl the combination simply
: an't be beat , Ardy. "
Ardmore seized and wrung his
friend's har. for the twentieth time ;
but he was preoccupied , and Griswold ,
fastening his collar at the mirror ,
hummed softly the couplet :
With the winltixg eye-
For my battle-fry.
"Grissy ! " shouted Ardmore , . "she
never did it ! "
"Oh bless my soul , what was I
Baying ! Why , of course she wasn't
the one ! Not Miss Dangerfield
never ! "
"Well , you like her , don't you ? " de
manded Ardmore , petulantly.
"Of course I like her , you idiot !
She's wonderful. She's "
He frowned upon the 'scarf he had
chosen with much care , snapped it to
shake the wrinkles out , humming
softly , while Ardmore glared at him.
"She's wise , " Griswold resumed ,
"with the wisdom of laughter accept
that , with my compliments. It's not
often I do so well before breakfast.
And now if you're to be congratulated
before I go back to the groves of
Academe pray bestir yourself. At this
very moment I have an engagement
to walk with a iady before breakfast
thanks , yes , that's my coat. Good-
by ! "
Breakfast was a lingering affair at
Ardsley that morning. The two gov
ernors and the National Guard officers
who had spent the night in the house
were not in the slightest hurry to
break up the party , for sucli a com
pany , they all knew , could hardly be
assembled again. The governors were
a trifle nervous as to the attitude of
the press , in spite of Collins' efforts
to dictate what history should say of
the affair on the Raccoon ; but before
they left the table the Raleigh morn
ing papers were brought in and it was
clear that the newspaper men were
keeping theirN contract.
Both governors had decided upon
an inspection of such portions of their
militia as were assembled on the Rac
coon , and a joint dress parade was
appointed for six o'clock.
Ardmore. anxious to make every
one at home , saw the morning pass
without a chance to speak to Jerry ;
and when he was free shortly before
ting ready to discharge me , " said Ard
more , plaintively , "and I don't v/anT
to lose my job. "
"You ought to have something to
do , " said Jerry , thoughtfully. "As
near as I can make out you have
never done anything but study about
pirates and collect pernicious books
on the sinful life of Capt. Kidd. You-
should have some larger aim in life
than that and I think I know of a
good position that is now open , or will
be as soon as papa has cleared out
the peanut shells we left in his desk.
I think you would make an excellent
adjutant general with full charge of
the state militia. " /
"But you have to get rid of Gilling-
water first , " suggested Ardmore , hie
heart beating fast.
"If you mean that he has to be re
moved from office , I will tell you now ,
Mr. Ardmore , that Rutherford Gilling-
water will no longer sign himself
adjutant general of North Carolina.
I removed him myself in a general
order I wrote yesterday afternoon just
before I told papa that you and I
could not act as governor any longer ,
but that he must resume the yoke. "
"But that must have be i a matter
of considerable delicacy , Miss Danger-
field , when you consider that you are
engaged to marry Mr. Gillingwater. "
"Not in the least , " said Jerry. "I
broke our engagement the moment I
saw that he came here the other
night all dressed up to eat and not to
fight , and he is now free to engage
himself to that thin blonde at Golds-
bore whom he thinks so highly intel
lectual. "
Jerry held up her left hand and re
garded its ringless fingers judicially ,
while Ardmore , his heart racing hotly
against all records , watched her , and
with a particular covetousness his
eyes studied that trifle of a hand.
Then with a quick gesture he seized
her hand and raised her gently to her
feet.
"Jerry ! " he cried. "From the mo
ment you winked at me I have loved
you. I should have followed you
round the world until I found you. If
Studied That Trifle of a Hand.
noon he was chagrined to find that
she had gone for a ride over the es
tate with her father , Gov. Osborne ,
Barbara and Griswold. He went ; n
pursuit , and to his delight found her
presently sitting alone on a log by
the Raccoon , having dismounted , it
appeared , to rescue a fledgling robin
whose cries had led her away from
her companions. She pointeu out the
nest and directed him to climb the
tree and restore the bird. This done
he sat down beside her at a point
where the Raccoon curved sweepingly
and swung off abruptly into a new
course.
" \ hope your father didn't scold you
for anything we did , " he began ,
meekly.
"No : he took it all pretty well , and
promised that if I wouldn't tell
mamma what he had been doing
about coming down here with Gov.
Osborne just to settle an old score at
poker mamma doesn't approve of
cards , you know that he would make
me a present of a better riding horse
than the one I now have , and he
might even consider a trip abroad
next summer. "
"Oh , you mustn't go.abroad ! It's
it's so lonesome abroad ! "
"How perfectly ridiculous ! Has it
never occurred to you that I am never
lonesome , not even when I'm alone. "
"Well , " said Ardmore , who saw that
he was headed for a blind alley , "I'm
glad your father was not displeased
with our work. It's a good thing all
this fuss about the Appleweight people
ple is over or I should be worse than
silly. My mind was not intended for
such heavy work. "
"I think you have a good mind. Mr.
Ardmore , " said Jerry , with the air of
one who makes concessions. "You
really did well in all these troubles ,
and you did much better than I
thought you would the day I hired you
for private secretary. 1 think I could
safely recommend you to any gover
nor in need -of assistance. "
"You talk as though you were get-
j
* --vv ?
you can marry a worthless wretch
like me , if oh. .Terry ! "
She gently frecdher _ hand and
stepped to one side , bending her head
like a bird that pauses alarmed , or
uncertain of its whereabouts , glancing
cautiously up and down the creek.
"Mr. Ardmore , " she said , "you may
not be aware that when you asked mete
to be your wife and that , I take it ,
was 3rour intention you were stand
ing in South Carolina , while I stood
with both feet on the sacred soil of
the Old North State. Under the cir
cumstances I do not think your pro
posal is legal. Moreover , unless you
are quite positive which eye it was
that so far forgot itself as to wink , I
do not think the matter can go fur
ther. "
The slightest suggestion of a smile .
played about her lips , but he was
very deeply troubled , and , seeing this ,
her eyes grew grave with kindness.
"Mr. Ardmore. if your muscles of
locomotion have not been utterly
paralyzed , and if you will leave that
particular state of the union which ,
next to Massachusetts , I most deeply '
abhor , I will do what I can in my poor
weak way as father says in begin
ning his best speeches to assist you
to the answer. "
Then for many aeons , when he had
his arms about her , a kiss , which he
had intended for the lips that were so
near , somehow failed of its destina
tion , and fell upon what seemed to
him a rose-leaf gone to Heaven , but
which was , in fact , Jerry Danger-
field's left eye. His being tingled with
the most delicious of intoxications , to
which the clasp of her arms about
his neck added unnecessary though
not unwelcome delight. Then she
drew back and held him away with
her finger-tips for an instant.
"Mr. Thomas Ardmore , " she said ,
with maddening deliberation , "it might
not be important , but I must tell you
in all candor that it was the other
eye. "
THE END.
f
Jv. a
t * , > * . 4-- . .
That Tired Feeling
That comes to you every spring is a sign that
your blood is wanting in vitality , just as pimples
and other eruptions are signs that it is impure.
Do not delay treatment ; begin at once to take
Hood's Sarsaparilla , which effects -wonderful cures , not simply because it
contains sarsaparilla , but because it combines the utmost remeEial values of
twenty different ingredients , raised to their highest efficiency for the cure of
all spring troubles , that tired feeling and loss of appetite. There is no real
substitute ; insist on having
Hood's Sarsaparilla
"I felt tired all the time and could gone. This great medicine has also
not sleep nights. After taking Hood's cured me of scrofula , which had
Sarsaparilla a little while I could troubled me from childhood. " Mrs.
sleep well and the tired feeling had C. M. Root , Box 25 , Gilead , Conn.
COLT DISTEMPER
.Can be handled very easily. The sick tire cured , and all others la
same stable , no matter ho w "exposed. " kept from baring the dla--
tease , by nsinp SPOIIN'S LIQUU ) DISTEMPUt CUKE , dlvo on
'the tongue , or In feed. Acts oa the blood and expels germs of
all forms or distemper. Best remedy eror known for mares In foal.
, One bottle guaranteed to euro ono caie. We an > $1 a bottle : M and
1110 dozen of drninrlsU and harness dealers , orecnt express paid by
/ manufacturers. Cut show * how to poultice throats. Our free
Booklet gives ererythlnff. Local agents wanted. Largest Belling
_ _ hoiso remedy In existence twelre years.
SOHN MEDICAL CO.Cieialsts BiBaeterioiosUt , Coshen. Intl. , U. S.
AS HE UNDERSTOOD THEM
Apprentice Carried Out Orders of His
Employer , but the Result
Was Sad.
"Now , William , " the old farmer said
to his new apprentice , "I want thee to
mind what I do say to thee , to be
sharp and attentive and to delay not
in carrying out my instructions. "
"Ay , ay , zur , " replied William.
"First , now , I want thee to take
out the old white mare and have her
shod. "
"Ay , ay , zur , " said William , and de
parted.
He returned two hourslater , and the
old farmer questioned him.
"Thee hast not been quick , lad , " he
said , reprovingly , "but if thee hast
done thy work as I ordered thee thou
shalt be forgiven. Didst thee have
the mare shod , as I telled thee ? "
"Ay , ay , zur ! " replied William ,
beaming. "Didst thou not hear the
gun ? I shot her myself and I've just
buried her. " London Answers.
Not a Singer.
"Johnny , " the teacher said , "here is
A book. Now , stand up straight and
sing like a little man. "
The song was "Nearer , My God. "
No sooner had the school commenced
to sing than a little girl waved her
hand frantically. Stopping the singIng -
Ing , the teacher inquired the cause.
"Please , teacher , I think Johnny
will get nearer if he whistles. "
It Might Help.
"My wife used to meet me at the
door every night when I got home
from work. "
"Desn't she do so any more ? "
"No , never. "
"Why not try taking home a little
check to her two or three times a
week ? "
Her Way.
Mrs. Woggs So you keep your hus
band home evenings ? I suppose you
put his slippers where he can find
'em ?
Mrs. Boggs No ; I put his over
shoes where he can't. Puck.
On Occasion.
"Pop , is it X that is au unknown
quantity ? "
"I have always found it so , my son ,
whenever I tried to borrow one. "
A Good Score.
"What's bogey at your suburb ? "
"Forty cooks a year. Lost year we
had only forty-one. " Exchange.
A WIDOW'S LUCK
Quit the Thing That Was Slowly In
juring Her. i
A woman tells how coffee kept her
from insuring her life :
"I suffered for many years chiefly
from trouble with my heart , with
severe nervous headaches and- neu
ralgia ; but although incapacitated
at times for my housework , I did not
realize the gravity of my condition till
I was rejected for life insurance , be
cause , the examining physician said ,
my heart was so bad he could not pass
me.
me."This
"This distressed me very much , as
I was a widow and had a child de
pendent upon me. It was to protect
her future that I wanted to insure
my life.
"Fortunately for me , I happened to
read an advertisement containing a
testimonial from a man who had been
affected in the same way that I was
with heart trouble , and who was bene
fited by leaving off cofiee and using
Postum. I grasped at the hope this
held out , and made the change at
once.
"My health began , to improve imme
diately. The headaches and neuralgia
disappeared , I gained in flesh , and my
appetite came back to me. Greatest
of all , my heart was strengthened
from the beginning , and soon all the
distressing symptoms passed away. No
more waking up in the night with my
heart trying to fly out of my mouth !
"Then I again made application for
life insurance , and had no trouble in
passing the medical examination.
"It was seven years ago that I be
gan to use Postum and I am using it
still , and shall continue to do so , as I
find it a guarantee of good health. "
Name given by Postum Company , Bat
tle Creek , Mich.
"There's a reason. "
Read the big little book , "The Road
to Wellville , " in pkgs.
I'vcr read the above letter ? A new
our appear * from time to time. They
arc fjcnuine , true , aad fallof baauui
imtcrcxt.
SHE WAS THE CAUSE.
XJ-
Hewitt I am a ruined man.
Jewett Does your wife know it ?
Hewitt No , she doesn't yet realizr
what she has done.
ALL RUN DOWN.
A Typical Case of Kidney Trouble and
How It Was Cured.
A. J. Adams , 242 Rose St. , Roseburg ,
Ore. , says : "My back ached fiercely
for hours and then eased up only to
leave me so weak I could hardly move.
Kidney secretions con
tained heavy sediment
and , burned awfully in
passage. Everything-
seemed to be gradu
ally giving way ; my
limbs ached , sight be
came poor and blood
circulation was so im-
paired tnat i reeled
and had to clutch something to keep
from falling. I grew worse and for
weeks was unable to work. One thing
after another I tried without relief
and then I began with Doan's Kidney
Pills. I now feel like a different per
son. "
Remember the name Doan's.
For sale by all dealers. 50 cents a
box. Foster-Milburn Co. , Buffalo , N. Y.
Double-Edged.
The man whose daughter had just
been united to the husband of her
choice looked a little sad.
"I tell you , squire , " he said to one of
the wedding guests , a man of his own
age , and himself the father of a num
ber of unmarried girls , "I tell you
it is a solemn thing for us wven our
daughters marry and go away. "
The squire assented not altogether
heartily.
"I suppose it is , " he conceded , "but
I tell you it is more solemn when they
don't. " Youth's Companion.
Happy Family.
Mrs. Scrappington ( in the midst of
her reading ) Here is an account of a
woman turning on the gas while her
husband was asleep and asphyxiating
him !
Mr. Scrappington Very considerate
of her , I'm sure ! Some wives wake
their husbands up , and then talk them
to death. Puck.
Not Just What He Meant.
She ( at the masquerade ) Do you
think my costume becoming ?
He ( with enthusiasm ) Yes , indeed ;
but you would be lovely in any dis
guise.
No Girls.
"You didn't stay loug at Wombat's
country place. "
"No. he promised to show me the
beauties of his neighborhood and then
tried to point out a lot of scenery. "
Self-possession implies the capacity
for se'lf-restraint , self-compulsion , and
self-direction. W. H. Thomson.
It's easier for a shiftless man to
make friends than to make good.
Did you hear it ? How embar
rassing. These stomach noisesmake
you wish yon could sink through
the floor. You imagine everyone
hears them. Keep a bos of GAS-
CARETS in your purse or pocket
and take a part of one after eating.
It will relieve the stomach of gas. 9
CASCARETS lOc a box for a week's
treatment. AHdruzjrfsts. BIgxestseller
la the world million boxes a month.
\ ' :