f
Jtf"
' f-
OPINIONS OF GREAT PAPERS ON IMPORTANT SUBJECTS
WHY THOUSANDS OF MSN ABB FAILURES.
GREAT many people drift through life with
out aim or purpose , or effort. They float
along the line of least resistance , avoiding
all obstacles and shrinking from anything
thnt looks like hard work.
Their great desire is to'get "an easy job. "
They do not concern themselves at all as to
whether or not there is any prospect of advancement in
It , whether it offers any opportunity for self-development
or not , or whether it is a stumbling block instead of a
stepping-stone to their future welfare * They have neither
plan , nor program , nor ambition to guide them. They
simply live for to-day , and , literally , "take no thought
for the morrow. "
This happy-go'lucky policy can ! nnd to but one thing-
failure ! Thousands who have aucted ; it have-drifted , In
old age , to begging in the streets , t > dependence or grudg
ing relatives , or to the alinsbeuse. Many of these unfor
tunates , if they had taken stock ol themselves in youth ,
or had taken the trouble to find ci t their success possi
bilities , and had planned their lives .ilong common sense ,
manly lines , might have contribute I largely to the service -
"
vice of mankind and attained ho : . Land prosperity in
their chosen callings. Whenever : i youth goes looking
for "a soft snap" he is to be pit- : There can be no
doubt where he will end if he does i change his tactics. ,
If he does not brace up , take stc v of himself and put
vim and purpose and energy into life he will surely
join the great army of the "migli . ive-beens. "
If you are working according t.- : i intelligent plan , if
you are trying to make everyth ; , you do a means of
advancement to the goal you hav . i view , If your great
ambition is not to make yoursel. famous , or rich , or
happy , but to make your life me i sorflithiag Inv God's
world , go ahead , for you are meg in the right direc
tion and will reach your goal. I\t if you are looking
for an easy place , or running aw.'y from hard work ; if
you are too listless or indifferent careless to take stock
of yourself , to decide upon the path you wish to take , to
look carefully ahead , but not too fir ahead , or to make
out an intelligent plan of action , and follow It as nearly
as you can , no matter where you stand , you are not
moving in the right direction. Chicago Examiner.
NUISANCES.
X law a public nuisance Is any use of prop
erty which , not raising questions of tres
pass and malicious intent , transgresses the'
rights of a community , or tends to the an
noyance of the public generally. Xo man
may conduct a business which creates a
smell or a noise that makes life intolerable
to the neighborhood , always provided that he can in rea
son move his business where it will not offend , or can
prevent the nuisance by taking proper precaution.
It is known that vast quantities of soft-coal smoke not
only offend tfie senses , but injure prope y and health.
Several cities are at work to prevent this nuisance. Many
European cities and some in America have already re
stricted the amount of escaping smoke by enforcing the
use of smoke consumers. A bill is before Congress to
forbid locomotives burning bituminous coal to enter
Ihe new station at Washington , lest the smoke damage
the public buildings.
To be a nuisance the disagreeable thing must be both
offensive and preventable. It would not do to shut down
factories merely to keep the air clear. But all communi
ties troubled by bituminous smoke may well investigate
the smoke consumers alrea fy devised , and such is the
nature of human enterprise better consumers are likely
to be invented under stress of increasing demand.
Takins literallv the definition that a public nuisance
"You are not so many , madame ! You
are not so many ! " exclaimed Pa Jones
in gleeful accents as he rushed into the
Iiappy home an hour earlier than usual
and deposited a tin kettle on the dining
room table. "You are not so awfully
numerous ! You don't count so much
more than some other people , even if
you are a Smith ! You don't "
"What are you gabbling about , heath
en ? " interrupted Ma , with an impatient
glance at the esteemed Henry. "What
are 'you ' trying to cackle ? What are
you trying to chirp ? Have you fallen
off of the water wagon again and loosened
ened your tongue ? Have you "
"What's that , madame ? What's that ,
Mrs. Jones ? " was the steamful Inter
jection of Pa , ashe shied a hoof at
little Fide , missed and kicked a leg
from under a chair. "What are you
saying ? Do you know what yon are
saying , or are you just rambling like a
peripatetic hobo ? Are you trying to
cast a shadow of doubt on the sobriety
ot a dignified Jones , or are you chant
ing the regular Smith chorus to make
your dear mother grin ? I want you to
distinctly under "
"For mercy's sake , forget it , you
ape ! " cried Ma , in a kinky tone. "Cut
out the talk , and save the gasoline for
your prayers ! You make more noise
than a country brass band that Is giv
ing a free blow to build up a reputa
tion ! One might think from the size
of yonr howl that you had lost a cent !
What have you got in that kettle ?
: What "
"What have I got in that kettle , Mrs.
Jones ? What have I got In that ket
tle ? " replied Pa , assuming a chesty air.
"What do you think I have got in that
kettle ? What does it look like ? What
does it sound like when you hear it
splash ? Do you think that it is a three-
ring circus , with a menagerie to match ?
Do you Imagine for one moment that it
'is ' a Carnegie library ? Not on your life ,
' darling ! Not on your life ! You've
another prophecy ! It's oysters !
"
"Oysters ! " exclaimed the surprised
Ma , "What in the world are you going
to do with oysters ? What are you - Jf
fiWhat do you suppose I am going to
with them , angel wife ? What do
is something that offends the community as a whole and
is preventable , some sign boards , by reason of their
position , are nuisances. But the Supreme Court of Massa
chusetts bas decided in effect that a sight cannot be a
nuisance. Perhaps the idea underlying the decision is
that we can avoid sights by not looking , but that smells
and sounds pursue us.
More and more a s communities grow refined they will
forbid all unnecessary offenses to the organs of percep
tion , especially those Injurious to the health , like smoke
and the nerve-destroying noise of bells and whistles.
Youth's Companion.
BEADY-MADE MUSIC.
WO renowned men John Philip Sousa , of
musical , and Senator Smoot , of marital
fame joined In a discussion on the perils
of the human voice when Mr. Sousa ap
peared before the Committee on Patents to
protest against the piratical use of his com
positions in talking machines all over the
country. Mr. Sousa believes that' people have given up
singing , and will give it up more , because of the use of
the phonograph. Senator Smoot , however , thinks the
reason people do not sing so much as formerly is that
they do not live "so close to nature. "
Mr. Sousa will agree that the phonograph gets away
from nature , and , whether it is the cause or effect of the
loss of taste for singing Mr. Sousa's contention is the
tangible one. Laying aside , as undoubtedly does the
composer of the pirated marches and dance music , the
mere personal question , what Is Important to decide is
whether the human voice is really becoming neglected
and the human songster extinct
By analogy It may be seen that people still walk , In
spite of automobiles ; the wind still blows , in spite of
electric fans ; the egg Is still hatched , in spite of the in
cubator. Mechanical music may be more destructive of
simple , old-fashioned ways than the automobile , the elec
tric fan or the incubator. The wisdom of Sousa plus
Smoot may be above analogy ? nd superior to the con
sideration of the plain man. But even if there is a
tinge of error in the idea that the songster is silenced by
the gritty revolutions of a phonographic record , we are
willing to sit by and watch Mr. Sousa struggle like Sam
son with the Philistine reprodqctions , be they dance music
or march , of the manufacturers of ready-made song.
Chicago Post . .
„ i < * > - &
GETTING EVEN WITH THE OIL TRUST.
Y removing the tax from industrial alcohol
our government has effectually put a stop to
the domination of the oil trust over the use
of liquid fuel for light , heat and power , fn
Germany and France devices for using de
natured alcohol for these purposes have al
ready been perfected and placed in actual
use , and their adoption in tin's country will no doubt come
quickly as soon as industrial alcohol is on the market.
As this fuel can be produced from many vegetable prod
ucts that have heretofore gone to waste , and that } too ,
at a considerably lower price than is obtained for gaso
line and kerosene to-day , there need never be any fear of
lack of fuel , even should the coal measures all become
exhausted and the supply of natural oil cease.
The new fuel , besides being cleaner and less volatile ,
will , when used in suitably-designed internal-combustion
motors , develop about as much power per gallon as will
the old , while for light and heat it is far superior. Its
introduction will create a new market for the farmers
of our country , while they will benefit directly from it
also by using it themselves for the production of light
and power Scientific American.
you suppose I am going to do witl
them ? " broke In Pa , shoutfully. "Do
you think that I am going to turn theii
loose in the backyard and let their pit
eous wails annoy the neighbors all night
long ? Do you think that I am sillj
enough to put them In the street and
get fined for permitting them to run at
large without muzzles ? Xo , Mrs
Jones ; a thousand times no ! I am go
ing to eat them ! I am going to ch'ew
them ! I am going to masticate them
with my molars ! I want a change of
menu ! I want to deviate from the ever
lasting route ! I am tired of beef , beef
hash and all the rest of beef relatives !
I am weaiy of potatoes , potato salad
and the potato cousins ! I am dead
sick of pork , perk chops and their
sausage uncles and scrapple aunts !
"
am
"Is that so , you pretty pet ? " was the
indignant rejoinder of Ma. "Well ,
just guess that you will eat what I pre
pare for you or go without ! If you
think that I am going to stand over a
hot stove and cook oysters for this
whole tribe you are mightily mistaken !
If you "
"You don't have to do it , Smithy !
You don't have to do it ! " responded Pa ,
patting himself on the chest , "I am
going to cook them myself ! I am go
ing to be the whole show , from the star
on the stage to the yelp in the gallery !
That's why I said you weren't so many !
That's why I said you weren't so nu
merous ! I am going to demonstrate
to you what a real Jones chef can do
and make the Smith grub jugglers look
like a faded leaf from last year's cal
endar ! I am going'to stew those or
phan oysters for dinner , and I don't
want any foreign nations to butt In !
I am "
"Bah"was ! the scornful interjection
of the scrapful Ma."I think that I
t
can see an old yap like you cooking
oysters 1"v
Pa did not reply to this unkind re
tort , but casting a withering glance at
Ma , he picked up the kettle and hustled
for the kitchen , where the cookful jubi
lee was soon in full swing.
"Where Is the salt -and pepper , mad
ame ? Where is the salt and pepper ? "
he cried , rolling up his sleeves and
seizing a pan. "What do you do with
all the gold bricks that I buy at the
grocery store ? Where do you hide all
of your Ingredients ? Where Is the mus
tard ? Where is the ketchup ? Where Is
the horseradish ? Holy smoke , sweet
woman ! How do you expect me to
make on oyster stew if I havent pot
anything to put in it except faith and }
milk ? Why don't you trot out some ;
tabasco sauce ? Why don't you produce
the crackers ? Don't you own any viu- !
egar ? Can't you dig up some lemon '
juice ? Haven't you " j
"Why you crazy freak ! " cried Ma ,
"you don't put all those things in
"
an---
"That shows what you know about
oysters , Mrs. Jones ! That shows wh&i
you know about oysters ! " was the
barkful response of Pa. "Don't you
suppose that I know what I am dolngj j
Don't you suppose that I know any
thing ? You talk as if I had never seen
oysters served in a cafe ! You talk
like a Smith ! You talk gee whiz ,
Beauty ! What's the matter with this
'
fire ? What have you beQn doing to It ?
Have you been pouring water on It In
stead of kerosene ? It looks as if It
should have been buried three days
ago ! Where can I find some kindling
wood ? Why don't you get me some
paper ? For two cents I would make
you cook your own blooming oysters ! " '
So * saying the exercised Pa dashed
out into the shed and gathered up a lot
of paper and kindling wood which he
placed on the few remaining live coals
that dismally glowed in the grate.
Ten minutes went by and there was
nothing that looked like business in the
chilly stove. Ten more minutes raced
down the course of time without any re
sults , and then Pa grew more emotional
than ever.
"What have you done to this stove ,
madame ? What have you done to this
stove ? " he lustily chirped , as he lifted
the lids and looked In vain for symp
toms of fire. "Have , you put it on the
pension list ? Have you Oslerlzed It ?
Have you "
"Why , you blocfcheaded lunatic ! "
ejaculated Ma , with an irritating giggle ,
as she investigated the cause of the
trouble , "you are certainly the limit !
I don't wonder the fire won't burn ! I
don't wonder you can't coax it to blaze !
You have triedto start it with the
asbestos paper that the workmen took
off of the heater pipes ! "
It was too true. The evidence was
: here to convict him , and when the hu
miliated Pa had recovered from his j
spell of spasms and fled to his den <
Norah fired up the gas stove and cooked
the evening meal. Philadelphia Tele
graph.
When a man who has been in the.
labit of supplying his kin with money ' ]
marries , they notice a difference.l l
{ > * -
fTHEWEEKLY
fli
1191 Christians took possession of city
of Acre , in Palestine.
3414 Henry V. claimed restoration of
English possessions in France.
lr 37 Janet , Lady Glamis , burned as a
' witch on Castle Hill , Edinburgh.
154G Anne Askew burnt in London.
1584 William , Prinbe of Orange , assas
sinated.
1G09 Henry Hudson Grsf. obtained eight
of the American continent.
1G91 English defeated French ami Irish
at battle of Aghrim.
1713 Treaty of peace of. Portsmouth ;
British and Indians.
1771 Mission of San Antonio , Gal. ,
founded.
1779 Stony Point taken by the Ameri
cans.
1780 American force under Suciter de
feated British at Williamson's plan
tation , South Carolina.
17S2 Savannah , Ga. , evacuated by the
British.
17S6 Treaty of peace between Morocco
and the United States.
17SS Russia declared war against Swe
den.
17S9 Bastile of Paris taken and de
stroyed.
1793 Charlotte Corday , assassin of
Marat , guillotined.
JS04 Alexander Hamilton mortally
wounded in duel with Aaron Burr.
1SOG Mutiny of the Sepoys at Yellore ,
India Confederation of the Rhine
formed.
3S12 Gen. Hull , with force of American
volunteers , invaded Canada.
1S32 President Jackson vetoed bill to
recharter United States Bank.
1857 Evacuation' Crimea by the al
lies.
1SG1 Confederates victorious at battle
of Rich Mountain , Va Payment
of foreign debt suspended by Mexico.
3SG2 Gen. II. W. Halleck made com-
niander-in-ch1'ef of the-United States
' *
arm\ v '
3SG3 United States' ship Wyoming de
feated Japanese in naval 'battle at
Shimonoseki Mexican empire pro
claimed ; Maximilian as emperor .
Draft riots in Xew York.
1864 Gen. Hood superseded Gen. John
ston in command of Confederate
forces.
1S6G Freedmen's Bureau bill vetoed by
President Johnson.
1S70 Congress granted pension of $3,000
per annum to Mrs. Abraham Lincoln.
1872 Voting by ballot became a law.
1S73 Don Carlos entered Spain and as
sumed command of his partisans.
1874 Attempted assassination of Prince
Bismarck at Kissengen.
1878 Creation of Bulgaria by the treaty
of Berlin.
1SS2 British bombarded Alexandria ,
Egypt.
1SS3 Henry M. Stanley discovered Lake
Mantunba in Central Africa.
1884 Survivors of Greely expedition
reached St. John's , Xewfoundland.
1883 Arrival in Chicago of first carload
of fruit shipped from Oregon.
1SS6 Gov. West of Iowa issued a proc
lamation against the Mormons.
1SS7 Cyclone nearly destroyed town of
Waupaca , Wis.
1888 Brakemeu on CB. . & Q. railroad
went on strike.
1890 President approved act for admis
sion of Wyoming to statehood. . . .
Many persons killed by tornado at
Lake Pepin , Minn.
1891 George Francis Train completed
circuit of the world in sixty-two a
days Xiagara Falls crossed on a r
wire cable by D. J. Dixon. . . . Man f
chester ship canal opened.
1893 Score of lives lost in cold storage f
fire at Chicago world's fair. n
1894 Hundreds killed by earthquake °
at Constantinople. . .President Cleveland -
land signed act admitting Utah to
statehood. v
1S97 Andrea balloon expedition to
north pole started from Tromsoe. "
,
1898 Gen. Miles landed in Cuba Sur ' f
render of Santiago by Gen. Toral. b
t902 Explosion of fire-damp in mine be
near Johnstown , Pa. ; more than 115 ii
killed. . . .Celebrated Campanile , or iib iib
bell tower , of Venice fell. b
1903 Cuban Senate ratified treaty grant h
ing United States naval and coaling PI
stations. in
1904 Paul Kruger , Boer leader , died in
Switzerland. a
1905 Franco-German agreement over
Morocco was ano'unced . .Peary n
S <
sailed from Xew York in north pole Su
expedition.
Betier Wnsres for 4r , OOO.
ei
An advance of 5 per cent in wages in eiU
cotton mills in thirty or more cities ,
the
towns and villages of southern Massachusetts
the
chusetts and Rhode Island "went into effect itb
b
fect Monday , benefiting 45,000 operatives. <
Since the 'beginning ' of the upward move
ment , early in the year , 165,000 textile eiw
workers have had their pay advanced eiP
from 5 to 14 per cent. The Fall River P <
Iron Company , which was already pay ciai
ing the 'highest wages in that city/again ai
raised wages so that they are still the tl
best-paid works in that section. oi
Sewer and Tunnel Minors' Association
at Chicago has a membership of 1,500.
J The bridge and structural iron workers -
, ers by a vote of 2,552 to 1,857 , have de
cided to affiliate with the Structural
Building Trades Alliance.
The mayor of Boston has notified the
Electrical Workers' Union that the men
employed in the fire alarm department
will be put on the eight-hour basis.
It has been figured that the strike of
the Wall street messenger boys cost tha
street $1,000,000 , and that $100,000
would have paid the increase demanded
for 101 years.
The latest union formation is the Ma
rine Drivers' and Tenders' Union , re
cently organized at Clevelarid. Branches
are to be established in other port cities
on the lakes and the seaboard.
The Boot and Shoe Workers' Xational
Union , headquarters at Boston , has up
wards of $100,000 in its international
treasury and has within the past few
years expended $300,000 in sick and
death benefits.
Many German concerns own dwelling
houses aad rent them to workmen at act
ual cost. They provide restaurants and
meals at actual cost ; furnish fuel at
actual cost , and give transportation in
whole or part.
Differences between the Master Paint
ers' Association of Pittsburg , Pa. , and
the unions of the Brotherhood of Paint
ers over the payment of car fare have
culminated in the declaration by the mas
ter painters of a general lockout against
their employss.
Xew York , Xew Haven and Hartford
machinists , about 750 in number , have
been granted an increase in wages averag
ing about one cent an hour. The negotia
tions were made by the committee of the
district lodge of the unions. , Within
three years the district ledge has secured
the nine-hour day and wage increases
which in the aggregate make the present
wages about 4 per cent more than was
paid for the 10-hour day three years ago.
!
John Burns , as president of the Local
Government Board in England , says that
the government will take up the old age
pensions question when the report of the
I Poor La-iv Commission has been receiv
ed. Personally he considers that it would
be the best , simplest and fairest , in. in
augurating an old age pension scheme , to
give everyone a pension of five shillings
per week on reaching the age of G5 , mili
tary , naval , civil and municipal pension
ers to be excluded.
The Commercial Telegraphers' Union
of America has decided to establish a mu
tual benefit department. This will begin
doing business Oct. 1. A mortuary fund
will be maintained similar to those of the
railroad brotherhoods , from which death
claims will be paid. The officers of the
organization believe that the insurance de-
partment v.-SH prove an attractive feature
to non-members , as they can procure
cheaper insurance through it Mian they
could in any of the old-line companies.
Details of the settlement of the Ohio
coal miners' strike have reached Wash
ington. In the settlement the miners re
ceive better than the 1903 scale , despite
the declaration that no increase would
be granted. This increase amounts to
5.SS per cent. On their part , the miners
themselves make concessions in matters of
detail. The district meetings held re
cently to consider the Columbus agree
ment have uniformly indorsed it , and it
is stated tliat all the striking miners will
be back at work soon.
Organized labor in Xew York took ad
vantage of the drift of popular sentiment
the other day in a novel way. At Coey-
mans and Glasgoe , on the outskirts of
Gotham , there has been intermittent
fare for twenty years between the em
ployers and the unions , "with the unions a
poor second. Recently the employers ap
pealed to the International Brick , Tile
and Terra Cotta Workers , who , in turn , "
engaged former State Senator Cantor to
prosecute the brick manufacturers for
violations of the anti-trust laws , where
upon the latter capitulated , signed an B
agreement with the union and discontin P
ued the alleged illegal practices. Pa Pd
During the first quarter of this year the a
average earnings of 333,000 workmen in a
ak
Xew York State , according to the bulle k
tin of the labor department , were $2.33 a I
day , or 212 for the quarter. Xowomen Isi
or miners are included in this statement. piper
The average -wage for this period -was $3 , pih
as compared -with $2.SS for the same pe- p
riod last year. The extraordinary demand C
for labor is not confined to the building
industry , -where it is most marked , but is oiO
felt in all lines. The membership in labor O
unions now aggregates 394.270 , an in a
crease of 11,034 in the half year. The m
estimated cost of new buildings in Xew t
York City alone during the first quartet tlC
was $50,000,000. tlM
Reports from officers of international M
unions of the American Federation of C
Labor , made to President Gompers , show
'favorable ; conditions for the bill posters , *
blacksmiths , carriage and cement work
ers ] , elevator constructors ( the latter hav tb
ing secured a new agreement in Pitts- ed
burg ) and the trades generally. In Ala
bama the printers' demand for an eight- fea
hour day -was won without a strike ; car he
penters have received an increase inwages
Hot Springs , Little Rock , Xew Haven
ar
ven ( , Danville , Galesburg , Granite City
and : Tamaroa , 111. , Portland , Me. , and pr ;
other points. Increases in wages are also of
reported in the other building trades , a at
generally higher rate paid everywhere to
union : than non-union labor and plenty of In
employment. heels
The United Cloth , Hat and Cap Mak els
ers' of America , have placed a per capita the
tax of 10 cents per year for support of theJ J
tuberculosis sanitorium conducted by oft
organization at Denver , Colo. , for the re
benefit of its members.
The cotton manufacturers of Fall Riv
, Mass. , put into effect Monday the
wage scale of 1904 , which was cut 12
per cent 5n July of that year. The in ami
crease concerns 20,000 mill operatives , i
and it is said that the mill owners hope i
this will bring back the families of skilled no <
operators who migrated to Rhode Island , hei
Hampshire and Canada in 1904.
O Id-Time Law Stiz enl .
If law students of the present
ire laboring under the delusion that
J frhen the world was younger ther < > , was
. ( ess law to study and more relocation ;
for young men of their class , let them
, read the following extract thr.l an Eng
lish contemporary has take'i from the
'Memoirs of Henri de a.esmes , " de
scriptive of a day's work of a law stu-
3ent at Toulouse in the < sixtcenth cen > / '
tury : - . . /
"We used to to rlsj from bed at 4
a'clock , and , having p/ayed to God , we
tvent at 5 o'clock td our studies , our
big books under oiJr arms , our inkhorns -
t
horns and candles Ji our hands. "Wo
heard all the lectires without Inter
mission tHl 10 o'clock rang ; then we
ained , after havirg hastily compared ,
during a half hour , our notes of the
lectnres.
"After dinner we rend , as a recrea
tion , Sophocles , or Aristophanes , or
Euripides , and sometimes Demosthenes ,
Cicero , Virgil , or Horace. At 1 o'clock
to our studies ; at 5 back to our dwell
ing place , there to go over and verify
passages cited in the lectures until G.
Then supper , and after supper we read
Greek and Latin.
"On holy days we went to high mass
and vespers ; the r t of the days , a
litthe music and walks. "
TERRIBLE TO RECALL.
Five "Weeks In- Bed irlth Intensely- .
Pafnfal Kidney Trouble.
Mrs. Mary Wagner , of 13(57 ( Kossuth
Ave. , Bridgeport , Conn. , says : "I was
-weakened and generally run down.
with kidney dis s '
ease that for a
long time I could
not do my work
and was five weeks
in bed. There was
continual bearing
down pain , terrible
backaches , head-
athcs and at timea
dizzy spells , when
everything was a
blur before me.
The passages ot
the kidney secre
tions were irregular and painful , and
there was considerable sediment and
. oflor. J [ 2S't kjiow what I would have
done ( butror Doan's Kidney Pills. I
could see an improvement from 'She first
box , and five boxes brought a final
cure. " . :
Sold by all dealers. 50 ce ts a box.
Foster-Mllburn Co. , Buffalo , X. T.
TI e "Wrong : I'Ince.
The train was roaring .ilong about
forty miles an hour , and the conductor
was busily punching tickets full of
holes , when a little thin man , who sat |
iri one of the corner seats , plucked hla
sleeve. "Mister Conductor , you bof
sure and let me off at Speers Station.
You see , this la the first time I ever
rode on steam cars , and I don't know
'bout them. You won't forget it , eh ? " '
"All right , sir ; I won't forget. " The
old man brushed back a stray lock of
hair , and , straightening himself , gazed
with \ increasing wonder at the flying
landscape 1 , erery now and then exclaiming
1i
ing i , "Gracious ! " "By gum ! " etc. Sud
denly there was a crash , and after a
number of gymnastic moves that made
liitn 1 think of his schooldays , he found
himself sitting on the grass of the em
bankment alongside the track. Seeing
another passenger sitting a short distance
,
tance away , patiently supporting vari
ous parts of the splintered car across
his legs , be inquired : "Is this Speers
cVossiug ? " The passenger , who was a
drummer , and not altogether new to
such happenings , replied , with a smile ,
although in considerable pain : "Xo , ,
this is a catastrophe. " "Is that so 2' *
lie irritably exclaimed. "Xow I knew *
that conductor -ould put me off at
the wrong place. "
SOKES ON ZA1TDS.
Suffered for a Long Time Without
Belief Doctor Afraid to Touch
57hem Cured by Cuticura.
"Far a long time I suffered with
sores ( on the hands -which were itching ,
painful , and disagreeable. I had three
doctors and derived no benefit from
any : of them. One doctor said he was
afraid to touch my hands , so you must 5
know : boTV bad they were ; another said
never could be cured ; and the third
said the sores were caused by the dip
ping of my hands in water in the dye-
house < where I work. I saw in the pa
pers ( about the wonderful cures of the
Cuticura Remedies and procured some
the Cuticura Soap aad Cuticura
Ointment. In thrte days after the
application ] of the Cuticura Ointment
my hands began to peel and were bet
ter. The soreness disappeared , and
they are now smooth and clean , and !
am still working in the dye-house.
Mrs. A. E. Maurer , 2340 State St , Chl- ;
cage , IU.f July 1 , 1905. "
Fallacy About Jewelers ,
Jewelers , when watches are witij
hem for repairs , are frequently insult-
with the remak :
"I trust there is no danger of crys-
als ) being substituted for the jewels in
works of my watch. "
For a great many persons think there
< dishonest jewelers who make a
ractice , with "full-jeweled" watches ,
substituting crystals for the jewels
an enormous profit
As a matter of fact , there Is no truth
this suspicion. A jeweler , no matter
ow dishonest , could not steal the Jew-
in a watch , for they'are valueless ;
bey only cost 10 cents apiece. '
In antique watches the jewels Jrera * - .
ften costly. In modern watches they' * , ,
never worth more than $15 a gross.
Fickle Woman.
Museum Lecturer The bearded lady's
usband has been dead only two months , * .
she's sprucing up again.
Manager What are the symptoms ?
Museum Lecturer Why , this after-
eon she appears on the platfsrm
whiskers Uiamed Vandyka
. . . ' \