TThat's the Matter.
In a certain town In the North o
Ireland there Is a fishing-tackle shop
the sign whereof Is a brazen trou
hanging at the end of a fishing-rod o :
massive proportions. Late one night t
townsman who had been dining "no
wisely but too well" happened to set
this iisb. lie looked at it , then wen
cautiously to the door and knockec
gently.
"Who's there ? " demanded the shop'
keeper from an upper window.
"Sh-h ! Don't make a noise , bill
come down as quickly as you can , '
was the reply. ,
Thinking something serious was the
matter the man arose and stole down
stairs.
"Now , what's the matter ? " he In
quired.
"Pull your line In quick ; you have
got a bite. " roared the tipsy one as he
erratically turned n corner.
SPREADING THE NEWS BROAD-
CAST.
Hint Dndd's Kidney Pills Cured Ilia
Diabetes After JLoiig Suffering Mr.
G. CJcKhorii Found a Permanent be
lief in the Great American Kidney
Jveincdy.
Port Huron , Mich. , Jan. 30th. ( Spe
cial. ) Tortured with Diabetes and
Bladder Disease from which he could
apparently get no relief , Mr. G. Cleg-
liorn.a bricklayer , living at 119 Buttler
St. , this city , has found a complete and
permanent cure in Dodd's Kidney Pills
and in his gratitude he is spreading
the news broadcast.
"Dodd's Kidney Pills made a man of
me , " Mr. Cleghorn says. "I was a suf
ferer from Diabetes and Bladder Dis
ease. I was so bad I could do no work
and the pain was something terrible.
I could not get anything to help me till
I tried Dodd's Kidney Pills. They
helped me right from the first and
now I am completely cured. I have
recommended Dodd's Kidney Pills te
all my friends and they have found
them nil that is claimed for them. "
Dodd's Kidney Pills cure all Kidney
.Ills from Backache to Bright's Disease.
They never fail to cure Rheumatism.
According to the committee of pub
lic accounts , wholesale "grafting" pre
vailed on the British side during the
Boer war. For example , out of a to
tal sum of $0,250,000 issued to the im
perial yeomanry committee. $2,230,000
cannot be accounted for. Of 999
mules shipped to Beira. on the South
African coast. 158 died at sea and the
remaining S-il "cannot be traced far
ther than Beira. " As for remounts ,
out of 017,000 horses and 155,000 mules
supposed to have been sent to Africa ,
34,408 horses and 5,802 mules canned
be accounted for.
CUTICURA OINTMENT
The World's Greatest Skin Cnrc and
Sweetest Emollient Positively Un
rivaled.
Cuticura Ointment is beyond ques
tion the most successful curative for
torturing , disfiguring humors of the
skin and scalp , including loss of hair ,
ever compounded , in proof of which
a single anointing with it , preceded by
a hot bath with Cuticura Soap , and
followed in the severe ? cases by a dose
of Cuticura Resolvent Pills , is often
sufficient to afford immediate relief in
the most distressing forms of itching ,
burning and scaly humors , permit rest
and sleep , and point to a speedy cure
when all else fails. It is especially
so in the treatment of infants and
children , speedily soothing and healing
the most distressing cases.
i '
[ Feminine Diplomacy.
Husband Why is it , my dear , that I
never hear you ask auy one if your hat
is oa straight , as I so often hear other
women do ?
Wife Well , if you must know , it is
because I love you somuch. .
Husband But I fail to see what your
love for me has to do with it.
Wife Why , just think how it would
disgrace and humiliate you if I were to
call any one's attention to the only hat
I have had in three years.
N. B. And it came to pass that on
the following Sunday she appeared in
the very latest creation of the milliner" 9
art.
Catarrh Cannot Bo Cured
with LOCAL APPLICATIONS , as thoy cannot
reach llic bi-at of the disease. Catarrh Is a blood
or con titutionril dKease. and in order to euro i :
you must take internal remedies. Hall's Catarrh
Cure is takt-n internally , and actdirectly on tlio
blood and mucous Mirlaces. Hull's Catarrh Curo
is not a quack medicine. It was pre-crlbed by
one of the bet physicians in this country for
years , and is a regular proscription. It is com
posed of the best tonics known , combined with
tho best blood purifiers , acting directly on tho
mucous surfaces. The perfect combination of
tho two ingredients is what produces such won
derful results in curing Cutairh. Send for tes
timonial ? . , free.
F. .1. CHENEY & CO. , Props. , Toledo , O.
Sold by Druggists , price 75c.
Hall's Fauilly Pills are the best.
Ho "Was It.
"I'd like to inspect the third floor
flat , " said the man in uniform.
The other man , who had signed a
lease for a year , and then found that
the only way ho could get water in
his rooms was by carrying it from the
floor below , folded his arms.
"Well , " he said , "take a good look
at me. I'm the third floor flat. " Chi
cago Tribune.
We are never without n bottle of Piso's
Cure for Consumption in our house.
Mrs. E. M. Swayze , Wakita , Okla. , April
17. 1901.
A Base Insinuation.
Algernon Yawp , I aw took a pwizo
at a pwogwessive eucha pawty once ,
doncher know.
Miss Caustique Indeed ! And"was
it worth anything ?
Algernon Yaws ; it was aw valued
at foah dollahs , if I wemeuibah correct-
lah.
lah.Miss
Miss Caustique Awfully careless of
the owner to leave it lying around ,
wasn't it ?
TO CURE A COLD IN OXE DAT
Take Eaxative Brorao Quinine Tablets. All
druKtfists refund the money it it fails to cure.
E.V. . Grove's signature is on each box. 25e.
Anxious Wife.
Wife ( to husband who is struggling for
his life in the water ) 0 , Henry , do be
careful when you get in not to wet tke
cusliions. Tlie King.
c | p tf * i r tf5j
" "
*
* *
' M i
* > SgS
*
Opinions of Great Papers on [ Important Subjects. 4
TIV * 4 < !
Che City Man in the Country.
to the farm is now the talk and dream of
thousands of people who begin to realize that the
BACK
city does not hold all of life that is worth having.
Ten or fifteen years ago all the talk and tendency
was of and to the city. Every city boy was determined to
stay in the city , and every country boy of energy and
abilit3' had made up his mind to go to the city in search
of fortune.
Now cily boys plan to live in the country , and thousands
and thousands of men and women , grown weary of the
narrowness city life means to the less fortunate , are hoping
and planning for the day when they may leave the smoke
and grime and imprisoning walls of the city behind and
seek the country , with its open spaces , its pure air and its
freedom. Of course , the city will always draw from the
country. It must if it is to succeed. Bnt it Is essential
that there shall be something in the country for it to draw
from , which there will not be if the current is always to
set in one direction. It would be well for the nation if
every generation could spend its youth or a large part of
it in the country.
Of course , there are bound to be many disappointments
for those who leave the city for the farm. Some of them
have a sentimental liking for the country , but are not abie
to adapt themselves to the conditions of life and business
in the country. They wish to be in but not of the country.
Others carry their city notions of money-making to the
farm and expect to get rich quick. These are generally
disappointed early in the game. An agricultural paper
tells of a city man who buried ? 30COO on a 250-acre farm In
fifteen years trying to breed fancy stock. Another city
man , who could easily earn $2,400 a year In an office , lost
$10,000 In Kentucky experimenting with a bee farm. A
traveling man who has been making $5,000 a year tried
Angora goat farming in Missouri and lost $7,000 in three
years.
Yet the editor who narrates these hard luck stories does
not discourage the city man who would turn to the farm ;
he only advises him to begin humbly , learn well and pro
ceed cautiously. Instead of going into specialties at first ,
the beginner would better try diversified farming. "It is
the small farm , ' the editor says , "some poultry , a few hogs ,
two or three cows , some fruits , berries and a few acres of
common crops that must satisfy the man who makes the
abrupt change from city to countryMinneapolis Journal.
The Physical Basis of Character.
much of character is constitutional ? That ia a
question often in the mind of every man who desires
HOW
to judge justly of himself and his neighbors. For
ourselves , we are inclined to reply that it is but a
non-essential part which can be so considered. All the
same , certain admirable and important qualities appear to
have a close connection with the physique ; for instance ,
courage , energy and good temper. Many forms of illness
sap the courage of the most courageous. Low health re
duces energy , and hunger or indigestion tries the sweetest
temper. On the other hand , such qualities as sincerity ,
sympathy and honesty have apparently no relation to the
physical constitution which can be traced. No one is in
sincere because he feels "seedy , " or cruel because he has a
cold in his head , or a swindler because his temperature is
above or below normal. The truth we believe to be this :
that only the secondary virtues those virtues , we mean ,
which can be replaced by a judicious blend of other quali
ties are dependent upon the physical constitution , while
the real essential of character , the primary colors of virtue
as we may call them , have no physical connection what
ever. But , it may be said , surely courage is a primary
virtue ? In one sense no doubt it Is , but not in the sense
that red is a primaiy color. Many men without natural
courage have been able to make something else do as well ;
indeed , they have been able to produce in themselves a
quality which to all intents and purposes is courage. The
sense of duty and the habit of self-discipline have carried
men with honor through dangers as terrible as ever were
met by the natural gift of pluck. * * * Of course , we
clo not mean that good intentions will make a hero of
every man. That would be an absurd contention. Many
FRIDAY NOT UNLUCKY.
iOn the Contrary , Statistics Show that
It Is a Day of Good Kortune.
Friday , it has been discovered by a
painstaking and laborious statistician ,
is not the unlnckiest but actually the
luckiest day of the week.
Taking all the great calamities
which befall humanity , the painstak
ing gatherer of facts has discovered
that the general average gives th-.i
title of "luckiest day" to P'viday , and
that of unluokiost to Monday.
The moral is plain. Beware of Mon
day.
day.In
In one line alone it has boon found
that Friday deserves its present title.
In railroad accidents Friday heads the
list. So it is wise , if you be super
stitious , to avoid beginning a journey
on Friday.
The "thirteen superstition" was
knocked in the head long ago , and it
was to be supposed that an iconoclas
tic age would "take a punch" at the
Friday dread before long.
Sir William Churchill was one of
the first to discard the superstition.
"Friday is my lucky day , " he wrote.
"I was born , christened , married , and
knighted on that day , and all my
best accidents have befallen me on a
Friday. "
It hanot been necessary for a per-
oon to admit being superstitious to
acknowledge a preference for begin
ning certain things on any other day
than Friday. This feeling is inborn
In nearly all nationalities except the
Scandinavian.
Sir William Churchill's experiences
might not be accepted as disproving
the general rule against Friday un
dertakings , but the conclusions of the
statistician may have more weight.
First he takes the record of assas
sinations. In these he discovers that
Sunday is pre-eminently the conspic
uous day. Wednesday comej next ,
counting attempts which did not suc
ceed as well as attempts which did.
Saturday is third , and Monday fourth.
Tuesday , Thursday and Friday are
equal.
Tliere is a possibility that the per-
ion baying in mind sidi an attack
of us who kiow in our hearts that we are decent people ,
who have no sense whatever of what old-fashioned divines
called our own depravity , can , alas ! never bring ourselvea
to doubt that if Destiny should drag us up to one of the
great tests as nowadays she seldom drags the average
man we should fail. But that is as much because we aro
lacking in will-power as because we are lacking In courage ,
Duty or idealism , with sufficient motive force from the will ,
would carry us through. * * * All the virtues whlcl )
depend upon temperament are of immense use to their pos
sessors. Thoy are labor-saving and happiness-producing
endowments , but they are not necessary to the charm or
worth of character. Substitutes for them all can be forged
by a man whose will-power is high enough. London
Spectator.
Future Railway Developrasnt.
next great railway development following that
of the railway development of Mexico and the con
THE
current development of the railway systems of Can
ada , will be the development of a railway system in
South America. A number of influences are now at work
pointing to this result. Among them are the opening of
the Panama Canal , the necessity for an additional outlet
for the peasantry of Europe , and the needs of Europe for
the products of South American countries , to say nothing
of the gradual expansion of population and the trend of the
world's progress. South America has been a neglected re
gion and yet it possesses numerous elements of develop
ment which railway construction can bring about. That
country is far removed from lines of ordinary travel. The
dominant civilization is Latin as against Saxon in North
America. No broad policies are pursued though they are
conceived of , and feeble efforts are occasionally made to
launch out and realize the ambitions of some of the leading
men.
South America possesses mineral wealth in abundance.
It is a matter of common knowledge that there are many
great rivers in South America , but it Is not so well under
stood that there are hundreds , perhaps even thousands of
other streams not marked on the maps and not now used
for purposes of navigating by canoes , that are larger and
longer than many navigated North American rivers. These
rivers of the South pour out of mountains and drain large
districts of uninhabited , almost unexplored country. Still
other rivers flow from more populated regions , biit are as
yet little known , the more interior courses as they are
reached , becoming swift and winding , and flowing in nu
merous channels oyer many cataracts and rapids. Inter *
national Railway Journal.
Marriage for Ten Years.
T is not the first time that George Meredith tried to make
a painful situation worse. Both in Richard Feveril and
in Rhoda Fleming he brought his characters to the point
where it seemed that they could not suffer more , and
then , with infernal ingenuity , gave the thumb-screw a last ,
apparently impossible , turn , and left both characters and
readers insensible with horror.
Now he proposes to deprive marriage of its greatest
alleviation. When a thing is known to be permanent It is
accepted. A man and a woman marry , and , if they have
been properly Instructed , look forward to nothing but mar
riage ahead of them all the way to the grave. Marriage
therefore enters into all their calculations. It is like the
weather. It may bring storms and , worse than storms , dull
days. But it is there and what people know they can't
avoid they don't think of trying to escape from.
But let people once fall into the habit of marrying for
ten years. A marriage for ten years would last about three.
There would be a termination in sight , and the prospect
of termination means the possibility of anticipation. Peo
ple do the things that they think about.
The centuries have been right about it The way to
make a man and a woman happy together is to convince
them that they can never get apart. If they know that
they are shut up for good they will take to amusing them
selves as best they may within the inclosure.
Schemes like Meredith's for making marriage worse
than is It ought to be quarantined. Chicago Tribune.
chooses any other clay than Friday ,
in the belief that the day Avill prove
unlucky for him. An examination of
the records of such attacks in the last
150 years has disclosed tho fact Iliat
the would-be murderer looks on Fri
day as an unlucky day for his at
tempt. That might be construed to
prove either side oC the arirament , but
it is fair to accept the statistician's
conclusion in favor of Friday as tho
lucky day.
As , a. side issue , he has discovered
something which might be used to
bolster up the "thirteen supertsUtion.1
Of all the assassinations attempted or
accomplished , during the List century
and a half , 9 1-3 per cent have fallen
on the 13th of the month. A proper
proportion would have been about
3 1-3 per cent.
Three famous men , among others ,
he finds were assassinated on Friday
Abraham Lincoln , William McKln-
ley and Nasr-ed Deen , Shah of Per
sia. Three attempts wermade to
kill Alexander II of Russia on Mon
days , two to kill Bismarck on Mon
days , and three to kill Louis Philippe
on Tuesdays.
The sailor has the right to consider
Friday his luckiest day if exemption
from shipwreck be considered. It has
been a pet superstition of the sea that
Friday is the unlucky day for sailing.
This is found to be extraordinary , as
the number of shipwrecks occurring
on that day of the Aveek is the small-
setTo
To secure this conclusion , tho statis
tician examined the records of the dis
asters to British vessels from 1S05 to
the present day. He found that 24 per
cent happened on Thursday , 1C per
cent on Saturday and Sunday , M per
cent on Monday and Wednesday , 12
per cent on Tuesday , and only 4 per
cent on Friday.
By examining the record of railroad
disasters from 1893 up to date it was
discovered that the nervous person
who fears to begin a journey on Fri
day can point to some substantiation
for the fears. It was in this item
alone that the day kept up its repu-
tatioo < - Chlcago Tribune.
Tlie Same Old World.
If I wore a millionaire
And lived in a mansion and drove a pair
And you were the common herd
And lived in a hovel or back suite ,
third
And I luul money
And you had none
And you had trouble j ! ,
And I had fun '
If I wove as rich as Sajje ,
Or Morgan , or Drexcl , and you were
poor
If you were all bent with age
And I were young , at my fair prime's
door ;
If I were happy
And you were sad
If I had dollars
For cents you had
If I were loaded
With yellow woalth ,
Got , mayhap , boldly ,
Or won by stealth
And you had a paltry gift i
Of getting along ( if you had a lift ) j
Why , I'd be a millionaire
Aud live in a mansion and drive a pair ,
And you'd be the common herd
And live in a hovel or back suite , third/
L'ENVOL
This world moves along
In its settled way
It's the same world to-morrow.
As yesterday.
Baltimore News.
Something "Wrong.
"You say you don't understand what
'cold cash' is. "
"No , I don't. "
"Why , man , any sort of money is !
cold cash. "
"Well , if that's so , how is it that it
always burns a hole in my pocket ? "
Philadelphia Press.
A Ruthless Critic.
"Mr. Dobbins says he is wedded to
his art"
"Yes , " said Miss Cayenne , "wedded
but with ample ground for divorce. "
Washington Star.
No man can do anything against the
grain. .Woman can do it , bat
I In the Senate Saturday a resolution
authorizing the Committee on Interstate
Commerce to sit during sessions of the
Senate to take testimony on the rate
question Avas adopted. A resolution ac
cepting from the State of Kansas a
statue of John J. Ingalls was adopted
after addresses by Messrs. Long , Allison ,
Cockrell. Gorman , Spooner. Daniel and
Platt of Connecticut , eulogizing the for
mer Senator. A bill authorizing the con
struction of a bridge across the Missouri
Itivcr at Yanktou , S. D. . was passed.
Notification of the appointment of the
House managers to conduct the impeach
ment trial of Judge Sway-nc was receiv
ed , and the response was made that the
Senate was ready to proceed with the
case. The fortifications appropriation
bill was taken up. The District of Co
lumbia appropriation bill was reported.
The Indian appropriation bill was taken
up. 'jLiie appropriation for public schools
was increased from $100,000 to $150,000.
Mr. Stephens of Texas said more than
$100,000 of trust funds of the Indians
had been paid to the Roman Catholic
Church during the last year for support
of mission schools , and proposed an
amendment to prevent the use of such
funds in this way in the future , but it
was ruled out on a point of order. The
bill was then passed.
Mr. Beveridge made another ineffec
tual effort in the Senate Monday to have
a time fixed for voting on the statehood
bill. The opposing Senators were unwill
ing to vote on the bill until the amend
ments are disposed of , and Mr. Beveridge
wouid not consent to a vote 011 them
without an agreement extending to the
bill itself. The fortifications appropria
tion bill was passed after rejecting the
amendment to strike out the provision for
insular fortifications. Winthrop Murray
Crane of Massachusetts was sworn in.
A joint resolution appropriating $7,000
to pay the necessary expenses of the in
augural ceremonies was passed. The ses
sion of the House was devoted to the
consideration of bills relating to the Dis
trict of Columbia. Mr. Baker ( N. Y. )
moved that au adjournment be taken out
of respect to the Russians killed in the
St. Petersburg riots , but the only affirma
tive vote was by Mr. Baker himself. The
proposition of rate control was discussed
at length by Mr. Burgess ( Texas ) and
Mr. Hepburn ( Iowa ) The House con
curred in the Senate amendments to the
omnibus claims bill and sent it to con
ference.
Preliminary steps for the impeach
ment trial of Judge Swayno were taken
by tho Senate Tuosday. The conference
report on tho Philippine railroad bill was
agreed to. The army appropriation bill
ivas reported. Resolutions were adopted
calling upon the commissioners of the
District of Columbia for a statement of
Hie number of convictions for wife beat-
Ing in the last five years and calling upon
Hie interstate commerce commission for a
list of the stockholders in railroad cor
porations. Mr. Bacon's resolution mak
ing inquiry of the President as to the
agreement between the United States
and Santo Domingo was referred to the
committee on foreign relations. Mr. Mc-
Cumber spoke in support of his amend
ment to the statehood bill providing for
the admission of each of the four terri
tories as a State. In the House bills
tvere passed authorizing the Kensington
nd Eastern Railroad Company to build
I bridge across the Calumet river in Cook
county , Illinois , and extending the time
for the completion of a bridge across the
Missouri river at Oaeoma , S. D.
*
In the Senate Wednesday the consid
eration of the army appropriation bill
brought on a vigorous debate over the
amendment to reduce the pay of retired
army officers above the rank of major
tvhile on service with militia. Several
amendments were suggested , but action
t > n them and on the provision went over
for the day. Some 200 pension bills
tvere passed. A resolution calling on the
Postoflice Department for information
covering the dealings of that department
tvith the railroads since 1S73 was adopt-
Ed. The House passed the District of
Columbia and the military academy ap
propriation bills. The Senate amend-
tnents to the fortifications appropriation
bill were not concurred in and the bill
svas sf > nt to conference. The bill extend
ing the presidential
succession act so as
to include the Secretaries of Agriculture
nid Commerce and Labor in the order
mined was passed. The agricultural ap
propriation bill was reported. Mr. Baker
) f New York made a speech bitterly as-
wiling the protective tariff policy of the
Republican party.
" "
The agricultural appropriation bill was
jonsidered In the House Thursday , but
: he debate turned principally on the topic
) f restricting railroads in the matter oi
'reight rates , the Hepburn bill forming
: he basis of the discussion. Mr. Williama
) f Mississippi said that the Democratic
? arty was committed to views such aa
* -ere expressed by the President in hia
nessage to Congress. Consideration of
: he agricultural bill had not been con-
iluded when the House adjourned. The
senate passed the army appropriation
nil , after modifying the provision con-
: erning the assignment of retired army
jfficers to active service with militia
> rganizations. The effect of the change
s to relieve Gen. Miles from its applica-
ion. Mr. Gallinger and others criticised
he amendment regulating the sale of
irmy transports , claiming that the use
if government vessels forced unfair com-
> etition upon the owners of private ves-
iels. Mr. Hale condemned the operation
> f the general staff system in the army ,
ind said he would oppose any effort to
: stablish a similar system in the navy.
In tlie National Capital.
Warships may be sent to Venezuelan
raters to force Castro to terms.
The total capitalization of 1,491 com-
mnies which incorporated in the District
if Columbia durinj the calendar year ,
ust ended , aggregated $2.23G 572,750.
Representative Mayuard of Virginia , in
L bill introduced the other day , propose !
o increase the salary of the President t
; 75.000 a year , the Vice President to
115,000 and to give the President after
tis retirement from office an-annual sal-
iry of $25,000 for life.
n mm
GIVES HIS OPIZTIOF OP THE BEST
TREATMENT PCS PAEALYSIS.
Dcc.la.rrx That Dr. TVnilamJi * Pink Pllla
Kcstorocl tho Uao of His J-lmb.-i When
All Other Kciuedlcs Failed.
The premonitory symptoms of paraly-
sislare : trembling of tho hands ; sudden
loss of power in arms or legs , frequently
affecting one whole side of the body ; stag
gering ; partial or entire inability to use
the fingers distortion of the features /
sometimes an uncontrollable quiveringV
of the chin ; severe pains ; difficulty ni
speech. Frequently the first warning is
a vague feeling of headache , vertigo and
muscular weakness.
In a recent interview Mr. W. J. L.
Hay den said : "I truly think that Dr.
Williams' Pink Pills aro a great medi
cine for they cured me when physicians
and other remedies had failed to give
me tho slightest relief. Too close at
tention to business brought on an attack
of nervousness which finally developed
into paralysis. There were times when
it was impossible for me to move my
hands or to get up from a chair. At
other times I had partial control of my
limbs , but Ivas afraid to go far from
the house for fear I might suddenly be
come helpless and have to be earned
home.
"While I was in this miserable con
dition , ITvas stricken with malarial fever
and confined to bed for four months. I
had the best physicians , but while they
relieved my fever , their treatment did
not entirely drive the malaria from my
system , and they did not help my-par
alysis in tho least ,
"I was well nigh despairing when a
friend persuaded me to try Dr. Williams'
Pink Pillu When I had finished one box
I could see results that encouraged me.
My condition kept steadily improving ,
and when I had taken seven boxes I was
cured of paralysis and the malaria was
completely driven out of my system.
For two years now I have enjoyed the
best of health and have attended to bus
iness without any interruption. "
Mr. Hayden's home is at No. 252 West
39th street , New York. Dr. Williams'
Pink Pills have cured many similar cases
of paralysis , also locomotor ataxia. They
are sold by all druggists. A treatment !
so simple , inexpensive and successful
should be tried by every sufferer from
partial paralysis in any of its stages.
Spencer uud liuuclier.
The recent death of the English
philosopher , Herbert Spencer , recalls
the only visit he ever made to America ,
i brief journey in 1882. On that occa
sion a banquet was given in New York
n his honor. Henry Waird Beecher
Evas one of the after-dinner speakers.
"I am asked , " said Mr. Beecher ,
'how I reconcile Spencer with theol-
) gy. I don't.
"A man who has a bald-headed dea-
: on watching everything lie does , or a
jold-spectacled lawyer not n fat one"
looking at Mr. Bristow ) , "but a Jong. f
can , lank one" ( looking at Mr. EvartK/f'
"can't afford to talk Spencerisui
rom the pulpit.
"It is to be borne in mind that when
i man is driving a team of fractious
lorses that are just nil he can manage
inyhow , he is not in a state of mind
o discuss questions with his wife by
iis side , who is undertaking to bring
ip delicate domestic matters. "
It had been said that Mr. Spencer
lad no sense of humor , but he joined
icartily in the merriment which Mr.
Jeecher's speech provoked.
A WOMAN'S MISERY.
Mrs. John LaRue , of 115 Paterson
L venue , Patersou , N. J. , says : "I was
roubled for about nine years , and
Avhat I suf
fered no one
will ever
know. I used
about every
known reme
dy that is
said to be
good for kid-
n e y c o m -
plaint , but
Avithout de-
rh'ing p e r -
manent r e -
lief. Often
ben alone in tlie house the back ache
as been so bad that it brought tears
3 my eyes. The pain at times was so
itense that I AV.US compelled to give
p my household duties and lie doAvn.
'here Avere headaches , dizziness and
lood rushing to my head to cause
leeding at the nose. The first box of
> oan's Kidney Pills benefited me so
inch that I continued the treatment ,
'he ' stinging pain in tlie small of my
ack , the rushes of blood to the head
ad other symptoms disappeared. "
Doan's Kidney Pills for sale by all
eaters. 50 cents per box. Foster-
[ ilburn Co. , Buffalo , N. Y.
Seli-Delense.
Defendant Phwell. Judge , he threat-
icd to punch me head.
Magistrate Then you claim you only
. ted on the defensive ?
Defendant Not much ! Sure. Oi didn't
jv ter , fur Oi had him licked from the
ttart. Philadelphia Press.
[ other Gray's SAveet Powders for
Children.
Successrnlly used by Mother Gray , nurse in
e Chi.dren's Home in New York , cure Con-
ipation , Feverishness. Had Stomach , Teeth-
- Disorders , move and rejrulate the Bowels
; d Destroy Worms. Over 30.000 testimonials ,
t all Druerists. 25c. Sample FREE. A&-
ess A. S. OLMSTED. LeRoy , N. Y.
Tho Only Way.
Wayne I see you have the servant
rl we used tc ? have. She has such an
vful temper that I don't see how you
anage to get along with her.
Payne Oh , that's an easy matter. W
anage her by letting her manage us.
r * . "Winslow's Soonnxo 3T UP for Children
> rniiic : softens the corns , reduces inflammation , afc
rs pain , cures wind colic. 2j casts a bottl * .
Two Ways.
Magistrate You are charged , BUT , witif
ring to commit suicide.
Prisoner 1 > was driven to it , youc
mor driven to it by a woman.
Magistrate H'm ! Did sha rtfu *
IB , or marry you ? i
