TOPICS OF THE TIMES.
A CHOICE SELECTION OF INTERESTING -
ESTING ITEMS.
Comments and Criticisms Baaed Upom
the Happening * of the D y Histori
cal and News Notes.
Uneasy lies the royal throat that
\vears a polypus.
Most women suspect there is some
mischief on tap every time their hus
bands smile.
If we were to take Canada as a gift
we should want to have a few acres
of Ice sawed off { he northern end.
The woman whose husband eloped
with the lured girl is justly angry.
ServaTii girls are so hard to get these
times-
Having progressed thus far without
assassination. King Peter of Servla
Is warranted in regarding his reign as
a great success.
The Canadians are still roaring over
( ho boundary decision. They should
observe Sir Thomas Lipton and learn
to be game losers.
A St Paul man has found out that
cats have a languagp and he is learn
ing it. lu the cat language "Pst ! "
probably means "You're another. "
According to the London Mail brain
fag is attacking the higher circles of
English society. Now will some one
tell us how brains that are not worked
can become fagged ?
Several of the current magazines
contain articles on "Flow to Econo
mize. " We are saving our enthusiasm
for the author who tells how to avoid
the necessity of economizing.
The people who think that the Uni
ted States ought to conduct Its inter
national affairs solely by moral sua
sion might try teaching a district
school that way. It would be good
practice.
Kaiser Wilhelm should rest assured
that , if lie wishes to challenge , Uncle
Sam will find as much pleasure in
taking the cup awaj- from him as
from any one whom he happens just
now to call to mind.
One of the judges lias decided that a |
girl has no breach-of-promise case
upainst a man who proposes on Sunday |
nnd fails to carry out the agreement j
After this it may be expected that the
tights will be put out promptly at 12
o'clock Saturday ni'rhf.
The railroads of this country killed
3,553 persons and injured 45,997. This
Is a vast improvement over the pre
vious year , when they managed to kill
only 2,819 and injure 39,800. Will some
one please tell us just how much bet
ter this record Is than that made by the
railways of foreign countries that have
bard work killing anyone in a whole
twelvemonth ?
Statistics show that in a single year
the eggs produced in this country have
been worth more than one hundred
ind fifty million dollars. Hens do not
so on strikes. They consume little ,
and demand little of the community
except the right to scratch in the least
valuable plots of ground. No class of
laborers can excel them in conscien-
tous and skillful production.
Men who go in for out of door sports
entirely ignore the physiological ben
efit of walking. Many of them will
ride for miles to enjoy an hour's ex
ercise at golf or tennis. They would
require more robust calves , stronger
lungs and fresher complexions if they
would merely walk to the scene of
their accustomed activity nnd then
walk back again without touching a
golf stick or a racquet.
Truth is more of a stranger than
fiction , says the perverted proverb. A
popular novelist says so , too , since lie
had a story rejected on account of
the "improbability" of a certain epi
sode which , he affirms , had actually
passed before his own eyes. But who
can trust his cycsl An occurrence is
improbable if it happens to only one
man , once in a lifetime , and probably
no work of the imagination can suc
ceed or survive unless it is grounded
ou the most truthful form of truth ,
the general experience of mankind.
A mob of 10.000 persons , "mostly
women , " mobbed the Goelet wed
ding in New York , we are told , and a
on the same day iu ' Baltimore 100
cLotl irls mobbed one of their school-
mat s on the street. Almost every day
we have a fresh instance of the mob
violence called , "hazing" and the kind a
of mobbiug called lynching Is distress
ingly prevalent. People have a tend-
em-y. it appears , to assert their present
( ksires mid antipathies by force , with
out the regard for the rights of oth
ers which civilization implies. The
tendency seems to grow and must ex Is
cite apprehensions. What are we com
ing to ? In proportion as we advance is
in science , art and other forms of cul
ture are we becoming Indifferent to
'aw and ord r and ethically barbarous ?
f'V.iTcation. in which Americans excel ,
ought to produce better results than w er
are setting.
Scandal , gossip , envy , killed a man.
{ lomember the suicide of Gen. Sir
FIiK-tor Macdonald ? People talked
about the affair In whispers. They
vwe told by gossips that he had done
- ome great wrong , and died because he
I
rnuld not face It. And his death was
v In wed as a confession of guilt Hector
Macdonald was a victim of scandal ,
jiixil thp miserable stories about his
life were put In circulation by heart
lili
less men who were jealous of hli
courage , his military glory , his man
, hood , and his position. It Is true. A
1 commission was appointed to Invest !
gate the affair , and after the niosl
rigid investigation not the sllghtesi
J taint could be found to attach to this
, brilliant soldier. There was ample
I evidence of the work of the assassins
j of character , but every tale was run
to earth and found to be a lie , buildet !
by scoundrels and circulated by gos
sips who would rather believe ill thai
good. Perhaps the man was weak
when he took his own life , who shall
judge him ? His way of fighting waj
face , to face. He had no skill in ta <
devious ways of the scandal monger-
He couldn't see his foes. He dldn'i
even know them. He only realized
that the people o'f his world bellevec
him a man with a blot on his name' '
a being not fit to associate with clear ;
men. He was made to feel It It cul
him , it killed him , just as it has slate
other men. Gen. Sir Hector Macdoualc
was a brave , clean , upright man , ar
honor to his country. The official new ;
conies late , but It is welcome.
One can hardly pick up a newspapei
or magazine without finding advice ot
the subject of love-making , and tin
minutest idiosyncrasies of woman an < $
of man are so described that it would
seem that the wayfaring man and th <
fool could not err therein. This abund
aiice of advice leads to the querj
whether it would not be quite as well
to leave a little something to the In-
dividual. What fun Is there going t < j
be In courting a girl , when every step
in the way Is marked out with th <
precision of the proper move in j
game of chess ? It may be true thai
if a man wants to please a woman h
will pretend that he does not care toe
much for her , and that if a woman if
particularly desirous of winning sonn
particular mail for her husband slu
will pretend that she does not can
much for him ; but if they both dc
this , either they will get the imp res
sion that there is no use in going 01
with the affair , or they will beglu tc
understand that it is all in the game
and we have Scripture authority fo ;
it that in vain is the net spread Ii
tho. sight of any bird. For all thii
multifarious advice , however , there li
very little danger that the good olc j
game of courting will lose iuteres'
for the majority of people. Humai
nature is so varied that it will taki
any person more than one lifetime t < j
learn all about it , and the more a mai
may think he knows about women ii
general , the more likely is he to fine
that the one particular woman ii
whom he is interested has some iu
dividual traits different from the rest
and they will be enough to keep hiu
wondering for some time. The nios
dangerous thing which one can do h
a love affair is to generalize. The saf
est way is to study the specimen ii
hand , without much reference to tlios
of other creatures. The ways of ai
oriole cannot be learned by watcb
Ing a blue jay or a domestic duck. >
Falling from Aloft.
"One of the wonders of seafaring
life , " writes Charles Protheroe in Lif <
in the Mercantile Marine " "
, "is the sin
gularly small proportion of sailors whc
meet with death or accident by fallhif
from aloft Whether or no the cherul
who is supposed to sit aloft and watcl
over poor Jack is responsible for it ;
I am not prepared to say , but the fac-
remains. Having to tumble up alof
at all hours and in all weathers to per ?
form acrobatic feats that would al
most puzzle a monkey , the sayln/ /
among sailors about 'hanging on b ;
the eyebrows' becomes almost a tru
ism. One would think the situatloi
was highly spiced enough by dan >
ger without needlessly increasing it >
Yet it is not altogether an uncommoi
thing to see a man , if he happens ti ha
be barefooted , run out along the yar <
in preference to using the footrop <
placed under it for the purpose , t <
reach what is a post of honor , thi
weather earring. In spite of all this
although not knowing the actual per
centage , I make bold to say that no
more than one sailor man in hundred '
is killed or injured by falling fron
aloft If I use my own experieiio
as a base , the proportion would Ix :
less , for in over twenty years of sei >
life I was never caused the pain o
witnessing such a catastrophe. " fO
: m
The Origin of the Diamond. i hi
The diamond is still one of the mys
terles of geology. When the South Af
rican fields were discovered there wa
much astonishment to find the gem L
series of .minerals quite differen
from those in which it had been hitt
erto found iu India and Brazil. Ir
stead of lying beside tourmaline , ans 7 y ,
tase and brookite. it was mingled wit"
breccia of magnesian rocks whic ' ,
had evidently been pushed up from be
low , and a great variety of mineral ?
such as diopside , mica , zircon and cc
rundum , were imbedded along with il :
Some have supposed that the dls
mend was originally formed where J
now picked up , ana the presence o
carbureted gas and carboniferous rock . '
in favor of the idea , but. on th
other hand , the broken condition o
pome of the stones and other fact
make it far more probable that th
diamond has been ejected from a dee ;
source. i
On the Toboggan.
Lawyer What was the thing the
led to your financial downfall ? Yo
seemed to be doing a good businesj
Bankrupt I was. But one day
started out to see If I could iborroi
some money. I found It so easy tha
kept on borrowing. Somervib
Journal.
When some people do good deeo
there are extenuating circumstances. or
HUMOB , OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd , Cnrioua and Laughable Plia ee
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Our Own Day A Budget of Fua. J i
iI I
La Montt We have some fast auto
mobiles out our way. They go so fast
you can't see anything but a streak of
rnaroou.
La Moyne That's nothing. Some
of them go so fast out our Wiy Lusi
you can't see them at all just
gasoline.
Dead Giveaway.
"You used to put up some pretty
good turkey sandwiches , " said the fas
tidious guest. "I want the same kind
of turkey you had last year. "
"Dis is de same kind , sah , " replied
the waiter ; "It's been in storage ebeh
since last yeah. "
His Objection.
Ernie I hear old Strongwood was
sternly opposed to his daughter eloping
in an automobile.
Ida Yes , automobiles are so uncer
tain he was afraid it would break
down < and he wouldn't get her off his
hands { after all.
Envy.
Ida I was reading about the polar
explorers. The book says they never
had anything but frozen cream.
May Gracious ! It must have been
delicious to have ice cream three times
a day.
Sure of It.
"You say Jack has become quite a
poet How do you know ? "
"Well , you can't understand anything -
thing he writes now. "
A Frequent Catastrophe.
"When Algernon left college we
thought he had the world at his feet. "
"Yes , " answered Miss Cayenne ; "I
tiave seen it frequently. A man appears -
pears to have the world at his feet
peVi
Vnd then his foot slips. " Washington
star.
A Boss' Estimate.
"Do you think you are giving your
ity a good government ? " asked the
arnest man.
"Well , " answered Mr. De Graft
ifter some deliberation ; "it's as good
IS money can buy. " Washington
Not Patented.
Citiman Are you still troubled with
our neighbor's chickens ?
Suburb Not at all. They are kept
luit up now.
Citiman How did you manage ?
Suburb Every night I hid a lot of t
ggs in the grass , and every morning ,
vheu niy neighbor was looking , I
rvcnt out and brought them in.
A Kricht Thoujrht.
"Yes , ma'am , " said the obsequious
crocery clerk to Mrs. Bridey , who was
u'dering her first bill of supplies , "I've
ut down parlor matches ; what next ? "
"Well er I suppose I ought to
ui ve some kitchen matches , too ,
ughtu't I ? " Detroit Free Press.
Kevenge.
Poet At last ! The editor has ac-
epted ten of my poems.
His Wife He has probably had a
ght with the management and is go-
ag to leave. Judge.
His View of It.
"But if I prefer another , " she sug- it
sled when he urged his suit ; "what
ill you say then ? "
"I won't say anything , " replied the
oivi ! n nobleman , "because I am too
mich of a gentleman to say anything
hat would reflect on your taste. "
he
Chicago Post
Got Kven with a Rival.
Frank I've got even with Jim at
Ned How did you do it ?
Frank I gave his girl a pair of pret-
vases and he will go broke keeping
hem filled with flowers.
Friendly Tip.
"What can I do to create a sensa-
ionV" asked the theatrical star.
"Well , " replied the advertising man-
:2cor , "you might take lessons in act-
She Was Hopeful.
Mrs. Nextdoor They say that the
'idow Flipperton is after another
tn
iusbaud.
Q
Mrs. Homer Goodness me , I hope gr
lie isii'f after mine.
No Regular Pay.
"He tells me he's a professional
ctor now. " a
"Oh , no. he's a semiprofesslonaL"
"How do you mean ? "
"Well , a professional is one who Is
aid for his services. He's only half
aid. " Philadelphia Press.
The KulinR Power. th
Tin1 Peddler I want to see the mis- ten.
pro of the house.
The Maater Do you ? Then step
ound to the kitchen door and ask
the cook.
Near Neighbors.
Sympathetic' Parson ( to prisoner )
Ah , my unfortunate man , what would
your poor , old father think of your
conduct ?
Prisoner Ask him ; he lodges in the
next cell to the right of mine.
After the Prevafline Faahion.
"You will marry again after you gel
your divorce , of course1
" 1 Bnppose so. "
"Any particular preference ir
TJOW ? "
"Xot just at present. But of coursd
I can raarry my lawyer If notching bet
tur suggests Itself. " Cleveland Plaiu
"Ocalfir.
Great I'e p jnclbilii j.
Xodd Year bal r and your cook ar
both away , are : ioy ?
Todd Yc * . Noln dy but my wtfa
and myself are Jelt to run th < > house.
A Telltale fiicn.
'Old Blinker is a confirmed bache
lor , isn't he ? "
"Yes. bu' I am sure that he was
once engagee. "
-Why * "
"Because he tells me there was a
certain period of his life whn ne
went to church regularly. "
Curiosity.
"Let's go out an' see what's burn-
in' , " said Pat to Mike at the theater.
"What d'ye
"Those two men behind us said they
were goin' to the foyer. "
Easy Outlet.
Tall Pickpocket De crowd at da
football game was so dense dat people
fainted.
Short Pickpocket How in de world
did you get out ?
Tall Pickpocket I went through
people'd pockets.
Should Be Cautions.
Daughter Edwin says he wants a
wife with good Jungs. It shows how
considerate he is of her health.
Mother I wouldn't be too sure. ' He
might want her to blow the kitchen
fire in the morning.
Typical American.
"Yes , his painting attracts a greai
many people. "
"Great artist , eh ? "
"No , just a house painter. He puts
out a sign , 'Fresh Paint , ' and everj
one touches it to see if it's dry. "
Time to Protest.
"Look here , " telephoned the irate
man , "I didn't tell you to send me anj
school supplies. "
"SchooJ supplies ? " echoed tht
amazed coal , dealer.
"Yes you sent me up a load 01
slate. "
Usual Thincr.
Brown So you bought that suburb
an , . property , eh ? Did you investigate
-
the title to see if it was all right ?
Green Yes ; and after living there
two weeks I have come to the conclu
sion that the title is the only thing
about the place that isn't defective.
Not a Joke.
Giles Take two letters from
'money" and one is left
Miles Is that a joke ?
"Yes , verily. "
"Well , I know of a fellow who took
money from two letters. " -
"That's a good joke. "
"Not it ; he got twelve months. "
Difference in Method But
Traveler ( in Europe ) What are
those two beautiful girls ? :
Steamer Captain One is a Circas
sian whose parents are going to sell
her to a Turk ; the other is an Ameri
can whose parents are going to give
her to a nobleman.
Liked Church But
"
Sweet Girl Do you enjoy taking
me to church ?
Lover Not so much as riding with
you in a street car.
Sweet Girl Goodness ! Why ?
Lover The sexton never yells "Sit
closer , please. "
There Were Others.
"I seen you kissin' Mame , " said her
little brother.
"Well , here , " said the dear girl's
accepted lover , "if I give you a dime
can I trust you to say nothing about
? "
"Sure ! I never peached on any of
the other fellows when they gave me
money. " Philadelphia Ledger.
Still in Doubt.
"I know his fiancee is plain because
says she's sensible. "
"But you can't be sure of it"
"Oh , yes. No girl is pretty who is
spoken of as 'sensible. ' "
"But how can she be sensible ? Isn'i
she engaged to him ? " Philadelphia
Ledger.
Better Than None.
Ernie They say Agnes is perfectly
crazy over elopements.
Ida Yes , she was actually pleased
when the horse ran away with her thi
other day.
Gossip-proof.
Mrs. Crawford Have they mucl
money ? mi
Mrs. Crabshaw Why , they're so ricl he
that , if they preferred , they could af at
ford to stay in town all summer. fr
Smart Set ,
Question of Cash. er
"I hear you have been suffering -wlO us
cln
very romantic love affair. "
lit ;
"Yes , but I've recovered. "
sk :
"How much ? " Cincinnati Commer tin
cial-Tribune. av
in
Anticipation vs. Experience. sk :
Old Gentleman Do you think , sir to-
that you are able to snpport my da ugh ty
. without contlnuaHy hovering on < Ui > ea
verge of bankruptcy ? tie
Suitor Oh , yes , sir ; I am sure I can
Old Gentleman Well , thafs mort
Tt
than T can do. Take her and be happy j
OLD FASHIONS COME.
MODES OF SEVENTY YEARS BACK
ARE NOW STYLISH.
Made UpVithont Much Chance , They
Give Debutante * nn Air of Quaint
Prettineaa-Drcssmakers Adapt the
Style of Those of Later Years.
New York uorrespondeuce :
ANY sleeves or
gowns apparently
worth making over
simply caiinot be
gotten into the
manner of current
fashions. And un
less they can be
made to do so ,
making over hardly
will pay. When
the sleeves will not
make over success
fully , it is more
sensible to wear
the dress as an old
one , than to pur
chase new mate
rials to be employ
ed in unsatisfac
tory refurbishing.
Old fashions that are making a big
impression on current styles are those
of some seventy years back that bring
about tremendously full skirts and slop
ing shoulders. Many young women just
entering society copy these old dresses
faithfully , and the quaint simplicity of
front. At the right in the next pict T
la a brown camel's hair , the skirt u *
trimmed but for shirring , the bodice sb *
ply shirred at the top into the neck baad
One of the new fur neck pieces that an
made for slope is shown with this aimpl *
dress. Beside it is a skirt whose lac
foot ruffle was headed by rich passemen
terie , a type of which many are sees.
With this gown is shown a short wrap ol
light tan cloth , with ermine and passe
menterie for trimmings. .
Tailors are doing almost as madb
stitching upon their gowns as they eveJ
did , though the fact doesn't impress ib
self upon the casual observer. This i |
because stitching in contrast with th
goods is not usual. The usual rule fc
for stitching in close harmony , not SOOT *
than a shade or two off in either way ,
With adherence to this regulation , thi
stitching may be as lavish as you lik b
For what is permitted , see the suit af
the left in the last of these pictures. l\ \
was brown zibelline , its passemeaterif
and stitching a little darker than the m
terial. The plaided goods that were
impressive for abundance and striking
designs on the shop counters early in th
fall haven't taken very strong hold of
women's liking. Much of the siiowis !
plaids is employed as trimming , stand
ing as a means of giving a dash of cole (
to otherwise plain dresses , but the horsn
blanket patterns have been refused
materials for entire gowns. True , thi
plaids selected for tin's purpose are U
large squares , but the colors are not raal
ed very boldly. A sample of the plaidef
gowns is sketched here , and was ki
blue and black novelty goods , with Wad
banding 'and button trimming. Sud |
gowns are handsome and possess to a fin <
TWO OF MANY SKIRT TYPES.
.he result is well suited 'o the debu-
: inlo. For older women the dressmak-
rs modify and adapt , and ouce such pro-
esses arc begun the original model or
nodefs. lor often several old designs are
hi in one new gown , hardly can be
re in the complete costume. But
shoulder slope is attained in so many
nvtty ways that is apparent in most
lew dresses , and that without any sug-
joslion of uniformity. Skirts are tre-
nendously full about the feet , and every
ittontion is given to arranging fullness
ibout the hips.
These soft , full skirts are often trim-
ned very freely , but the place for trim-
degree that quality of individuality thai
is so much sought. If liking for then
lasts long enough , the tendency will ty
to adopt the more striking goods. In thai
outcome the gowns of squares like thosf
worn a few years ago in separate skirt }
will be more numerous. Now they ar |
seen only here and there , and in good {
whose surface is of the hairiest or moij
nubby weave.
Trimmed tailormades are not discard
ed by any means , but are restricted fol
dressy uses. Often the tailor finish i |
barely recognizable , though it is tviaef
to have it stand forth and thus to seen
to have the courage of your conviction * ;
NEW EXAMPLES OF FINE TAILORING.
ing is toward the
bottom. Here may
j no end of it. Horizontal bands are
: times distributed all along the skirt
om ( hem to belt , but much more often
e highest is at about the knees , though
ere may be hip yoke effect of consid-
able ; depth. While the hip yoke is
sed in n\any dresses , it is more abun-
mt on skirts that have comparatively
tle other trimming. You see , while
irts may be embellished very freely in
e lower portions , it is more stylish to
oid completely the appearance of hav-
g ? plastered on all possible on the entire
irt. The skirts of the first three of
-day's pictured models are current
pes ] , each quite unlike the other , and
ich seen In almost countless modifiea-
jns. In the small picture the trimming
as brown , very open lace insertion , and
as on loulsine silk of a shade lighter.
tie nov l arrangement of the silk in the
ick of this bodice was repeated in its
A trimmed tailor gown of fuchsia ven *
tian cloth is shown here. Raised blac | r
silk flowers and black stitching gave itj
ornamentation. Many trimmed gowui
are more elaborately finished than thij
and on the other hand , not a few seven
ly made suits are of the richest material
Velvet tailor gowns are severely finish
even when the goods is of almost pric
less quality. Street tailor suits that dt
not have much trimming are far fro *
severe in cut , and thus the variety pr
vailing in other grades of dress is mala
tained in them.
Fashion Notes.
Violet is a favorite color.
Velvet ruchings trim frocks.
Jeweled clasps are much liked.
Painted wood buttons are noted.
The best velveteens will not wear ofl-
Laced effects in ribbon are still