THE VALENTINE DEA10CRAT
I. fit RICE , I'ubilnber.
YALENT1NE , NEBRASK/
\Ve are all tools of Chance , generally
with loose handles.
It is Impossible to please the woman
who doesn't know what she wants.
They say the Kaiser wants to annex
South America , and the little girl once
declared that she must iniye the moon.
Iepew has \7rltten an ar >
tide advising young men to marry. He
doesn't say anything about old men
marrying.
' The most cheering literary note of
the day Is that Poet Laureate Austin is
throwing all of his poor poetry into
the wate basket.
Miss Goelet wore the Roxburgbe
emeralds at her wedding. The other
party to the transaction had his pock
ets full of Goelet rocks.
A Kansas farmer complains because
he paid $5,000 for a gold brick and
found it worth only 50 cents. Doesn't
he count experience worth anything ?
With the hay at $130 per ton smd
beefsteak $7.50 a pound in Davson
why don't the people there try livin ;
on prunes .awhile ? Prunes are always
cheap.
Perhaps the United States will be
permitted to exercise its choice as to
whether it will have Poulrney Bige-
low's war with Germany or Professor
Small's. We could hardly be expected
to stand for both.
We are now informed that Russia
and Japan have come to terms the
Czar gets Manchuria and the Mikado
capture * Korea. This will give the
hear an opportunity to rest up for au-
uiher mouthful of China.
The ctoty of a man , who , after being
speechless for two years , was cured
by chewing tobacco is going the rounds
of the press. It is all right , but lo
of speech is a very rare disease ; what
will cure an excess of loquacity ?
A Xew York divine says that society
is indifferent toward vice , and does not
aic to raise its hand to drive it out.
1'iicrj is a well-established rule in
America that no person is to be com
pelled to give incriminating evidence.
The women should complain Jess
iliout their lot in life. After they have
Kiicn a big Sunday dinner they have
to hustle around and do the dishes , and
this activity is good for their health ,
i man , having no dishes to do , gets
sluggish sitting around and becomes
miserable. We fear that the women
do not appreciate all their advantages
over the men.
Young Mr. Rockefeller recently
fonnd some resistance in his Bible
class to the plea that a person might
l e very rich and still not be without
passports to the blisses of eternity.
Mr. Rockefeller , however , did not ap
ply the supreme test. He did not ask
if miybody would accept a snug for
tune "off-hand" and take chances be-
rend this "vale of tears. "
Large corporations are responsible
for an thtrr departure that is attracting
wide attention. Many of them have
undertaken to suppress drinking , ci
garette-smoking , gambling and other
Uab.ts declared to be objectionable and
\et common with their employes. The
movement is especially strong in the
West , and the prospect is for its spread
until most of the great employing con
cerns aie involved.
Most merchants will sell anything-
there be profit in it. Not so one of
our leading manufacturers of shoes.
For philanthropic reasons only and to
his c nsiderable loss , he has recently
taken patent leather shoes off his list.
"Patent leather is practically air-
proof , " , he says in defense. "It pre
vents the foot from breathing and is
the direct cause of untold misery. I
snail no longer be a particeps criminis
In the production of corns and those
awful enlargements over the metatar-
s phalanprcal joint of the great toe ,
\-novvii commonly as bunions , or in-
lammation of the bursa. "
While the people are often apathetic
and careless In the exercise of their
electoral prerogatives as the real rulers
of the state , they are never indifferent
to a champion of sterling fiber who
takes the field as a determined and sin
cere crnsader against political immor
ality. History has again and agaiz
exemplified the popularity of such moral
heroes. They have been carried on the
resistless waves of public acclaim to
the highest places within theglft of the
people. What the American people espe
cially detest is a coward or time-server
or a trimmer. What they admire more
than anything else and delight to honor
is a man so destitute of fear and so
distinctly inimical to all manifestations
vf dishonesty as to make him the act-
dvp foe of every abuse that can vitiate
jA.nular government There Is never a
Moment when there Is not a chance for
* i < nronr ; , single-hearted man to
i < hlm-t > distinction by holding up for
decency and Insisting upon Its
e in the management of public
fars.
' .Vhat this country needs is a fixed ,
> ffhlt market price for kisses , or at
] vi t as near a fixed price as possible.
\ ' Is l rue. of course , that one kiss
< J tfnrytli from another kiss in glory.
bin i : > t to the extent indicated bj
Uie preposterous prices put on kissei
by those who have the goods to deliver.
Kisses have been known to range -in
sums demanded from a few dollars fai
into the thousands in the one case as
absurdly small as in the other ridicu
lously large. Now here Is Miss Stitl
who thinks that Mr. Darby should pay
her $25,000 for a single kisa. If she
had asked the price before the kiss
was taken she might have received It ;
for any man of experience will tell
Miss Stitt that the value of a kisa
dwindles amazingly after it has been
sampled , and $25,000 for a fleeting ,
vanishing , evaporatory kiss is as un
just as the usual restaurant price o/
? U .CJHolet SQuflle , TybJch it closely re-
Seinbles. This is why -vre'fcay * that th
ladies should get together and agree ou
a rational sum not entirely prohib
itory , but still large enough to make a
man pause and reflect before he rushei
into the expense. The statutes should
then provide the penalty and see thai
it is enforced. A kiss is a species ol
intoxication , and the best man is like
ly to succumb to its allurements. He
should be punished , but always with
discrimination , with charity and witl
a reformatory purpose.
We have fallen into the way of ex
cusing and condoning wrong doing on
the score of heredity and environment
Inherited helplessness has taken the
place of original sin. ' Only lately , "
complains the London Spectator , in an
elaborate article on this subject "we
heard a scoundrel excused on the
ground that he had a had uncle. " "A
mental twist" is another favorite ex
cuse. It is considered to satisfactorily
account for anything from a violent
temper , incurable laziness , or inveter
ate lying , to a mere disregard of ordi
nary manners ; and for the reality of
the supposed "twist" a mad cousin or
an eccentric grandfather is accepted
as ample explanation. There is no
question that there is a good deal in
heredity , a good deal in environment
to shape one's course and condition ;
but in 99 cases in 100 there is a good
deal more direct force and influence
for good or ill in the child's home. I
It is easy for parents to put the re
sponsibility back a generation or two ,
or sidetrack it to some collateral
branch ; but the larger share of re
sponsibility is usually in the child's
own home. If there be a good father
and a good mother there , the grand
father's faults and shortcoming may
lie buried with him. The other day in
Kentucky two boys , neither over 17
and neither having the characteristic
traits that mark the fixed criminal ,
were hanged for murder. They were
deserving of death their crime was
fiendish beyond description. Yet they
were but victims , not of bad uncles
or eccentric grandfathers , or general
environments , but of parents who fail
ed to act their part and to make borne
what it ought to be. Every day , in
every city in the world , children have
to be dealt with for the sins of their
parents. It is impossible , of course ,
for people to be perfect in their atti
tude as parents , as it is impossible for
them to be perfect in anything else ;
but there is no excuse for the failures ,
worse than criminal , that are so com
mon. For children who are orphaned
the whole world warms with sympa
thy. But for the many more children
worse than orphaned the children of
incompetent parents the world has
prisons and gallows. Heredity and
environment have influence upon every
life ; but there is little of that influ
ence , if it be bad , that the home can
not correct and overcome if it be what
home should be.
Neckwear to Order.
"Neckwear made to order" Is th
sign hanging in the window of a con
servative and high-priced haberdash
ery. As this establishment used to im
pose its own fashions on customers the
new sign seemed a remarkable conces
sion to the taste of purchasers as op
posed to the modes which the stort
provided.
"We have to do It to save ourselves
trouble , " one of the clerks explained
"Men used to be content to buy th (
kind of ties we showed them. But no\\
nine men out of ten have their owr
ideas as to how they want scarfs made
One man wants a narrow scarf and
the other a broad one. Some would b (
dflighttd to take a scarf If the material
were only made in a different form
The upshot of it is the sale of special
ly made ties and the neglect of th <
stock already made up , and we are able
now to satisfy any man , howevei
cranky he may be about what he puti
around his neck. " Chicago Intej
Ocean.
An Unpleasant Predicament.
It is related that on one cold nighi
-President Cleveland , who used tc
fish and hunt a good deal in the Barne-
gat Bay district , got lost He wan
tiered through the mud and rain and
darkness for more than two hours ,
but not a light nor a road could he
see. At last he struck a narrow lane
and in due course a house appeared
Mr. Cleveland was cold and tired. Sc
he banged at the door till a window or
the second floor went up and a grufl
voice said :
"Who are you ? "
"A friend , " said Mr. Cleveland [
meekly.
"What do you want ? "
"To stay here all night"
"Slay there , then. " And the win
descended with a bang , leaving
Mr. Cleveland no alternative but tc
move on. t
te
Many a woman Imagines that all hei
troubles are due to the fact that she to
misunderstood.
In what particular Is a girl whose
wedding Is kept a secret any better
off than an old maid ?
SOLDIERS 'AT HOME.
THEY TELL SOME INTERESTING
ANECDOTES OF THE WAR.
How the Boya of Both Armies TVh.ilcd
Away Life in Camp Foraging Ex
periences * Tiresome Marches Thril *
ling Scene * on the Battlefield.
"I saw two men on horseback near
the dead angle at Kenesaw , " said
George Drake , of Clinton , Iowa. "The
Eighty-fifth Illinois led the charge
June 27 , formed in close order as skir
mishers along the full brigade front ,
and I was one of the skirmishers. I
was in Company K , on the left of the
line , and went close to the rebel works ,
pay , within twenty-five feet. Aswestoo
firing I noticed t'wo officers on horse
back very near me. One rode a white
horse and the other a dark chestnut
The one on the white horse was Gen
eral Harker , I am sure. Turning to
me he asked , 'What command is this ?
and when I answered , 'McCook's
brigade , ' he turned behind me and rode
at a gallop to the left.
"At the same time the man on the
chestnut horse turned back to the
right , and I saw neither one after
that I remember distinctly the ofti
cer on the white horse. He was the
most conspicuous on the field , and he
was within thirty feet of the rebe
works. I remember that I thought at
the time that the riding of a white
horse in such a charge was an exam
pie of the finest courage , and that i
was like Harker. The officer on the
dark chestnut horse went in a direc
tlon to bring him in line with the otii
cer seen by Major Kakin , of the Con
federate regiment in our front. Hark
er , it is known , was killed to our left
and rear. My theory is that in the
tumult of the charge he had ridden a
little to the right of his brigade , and
that in going across to his own inei
he was shot But , after all , who was
the oflicer on the dark chestnut horse
seen by myself and the rebels defend
ing the works ?
"I notice that a good many men are
still in doubt as to the utility of the
bayonet and seem reluctant to believe
there were any hand-to-hand conflicts
during the war. There was one at
Jonesboro , In which one bayo'net was
used effectively. Our brigade had
charged a battery and the men were
among the guns when one of the rebel
gunners running back to his gun Avas
just in the act of firing it when a man
of the Seventy-eighth Illinois took in
the situation. There was a cluster of
twenty men directly in front of that
gun and a pull of the string meant
death to most of them. The rebel had
been ordered to surrender and the "men
near the gun supposed he had surren
dered , when he changed his mind and
decided to give us one more shot for
luck.
"It was a brave thing to do. but it
was a teuible thing for us and re
quired quick action. My comrade of
the Seventy-eighth Illinois was as
quick as a flasn of lightning , it scorned
to me. He thrust at the man in a way
to push him jack from the gun. and
his bayonet went clear through the
rebel's body. We left him. as we sup
posed , dead , but at a later date I found
him In one of our hospitals at Atlan
ta , by the side --f one of our own men ,
wounded the same day. He got well ,
and if ae is living to-day he knows
that bayonets were used during the
war in a very reckless way. "
"There v as another hand-to-hand
tussle In the fight on the Sand Town
road in the Atlanta campaign. We
charged the rebel works and climbed
on top just as xhe rebels fired a volley.
The bullets went over our heads and
the next minute we looked down on
the Louisiana Tigers with empty guns
in their hands. All our men had held
their fire and we thrust the muzzles of
our rifles in the very faces of the men
below us and demanded them to sur
render. Some few attempting to push
the guns away were shot , but the most
of them surrendered without cere
mony. As one of them said , they knew
their time had come and that the ques
tion of surrendering was not open to
debate. "
"I had some doubts , " said the ser
geant "about hand-to-hand struggles
during the first year of the war. Our
regiment did good work at Shiloh , but
didn't come to close quarters with the
enemy. We made our mark at Perry-
ville , but not at close range , and I
wondered if any battle was fought in
which men strove against each other
within reach of bayonet or sword. At
Stone River we charged at a run
against a rebel line. I expected the
old thing to happen , and the ene
my to break. I shook from head
to foot as I saw the rebels start on a
run and at a charge bayonets to meet
us. 1 could see the hair and eyes and
facial expression of the rebels as they
came steadily and swiftly toward us.
"I could see a short man making his
legs do their best , and a long-legged
fellow in advance. I felt this thing
couldn't go on without bayonet strik
ing bayonet and without the lines
crashing together. The crash came
sooner than I expected , and not quite
In the way I expected. About half of
> ur men went through or over the
rebel line , some of us coming down on
our heads and others on their feet It
was undignified and confusing , and
when -we turned we found men in gray
standing back to back fighting both
ways. There was little or no shooting ,
bnt a. giing and taking of hard blows
and a good deal of rough-and-tumbble
scrappLig. Finally one of the rebels
shouted : "What's the use ? Why in
thunder drn't somebody ask us to sur
render ? Thereupon all our fellows
shouted 'SrrrenderP and down -went
the muskets of the rebels caught be
tween our lines.
"There wasn't an unbrnlsed man In
our company , but we felt like birds
when the .rebels threw down their
guns and shed their cartridge boxes
and belts. They went to the rear , and
we went slam-bang into another rebel
line , which , yielding at first rallied
and drove us back. Then we rushed
them and broke their line , and I never
felt happier in my life than when I
saw the men in gray scamper away
into the cedars. At Chickamauga we
waited for the rebs to charge , and they
broke us all up. Some of our bo s
were so completely knocked out that
they ran a male like scared horses , in
the belief that the whole army had
been routed and that the only thing
to do was to get off the field. Then
they slowed up , came to their senses ,
turned and ran the other way , and ,
falling in anywhere , fought like wild
cats to the end , crashing at odd times
into the rebel lines with the devil-
may-care insolence of football players
in a tussle.
"I remember well , " said the captain ,
"when the re-enforcements for Thomas
came up late on the 20th of Septem
ber. Some of the regiments came at a
run on a scene of excitement and con
fusion , wherein lines seemed inextrica
bly tangled. As the men of the ar
riving regiments stood a minute wait
ing for orders one of them , looking up
to our regiment , posted on a ridge ,
said , after the manner of one farmer
talking across a fence to another : 'All
snarled up , ain't you ? What's OM
Pap Thomas trying to do ? " One ot
our boys , glancing down in a neigh
borly way , replied : 'He is trying to
drive the Johnnies back , and he is
very particular about it He wants
to hold these roads. ' Then , as the
waiting regunent moved uff to take
position , the man who had asked the
question paid , in an easy , unexcited
way : 'You tell Old Pap the roads are
his. And if he sees anything else he
wants just let him mention it' And
in ten minutes that regiment was
climbing a hill in the face of the ene
my's fire. Years after the Avar I heard
General Thomas say that such conver
sations encouraged and comforted him ,
because they showed the men in the
ranks were taking things coolly. "
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Frolici in Cnttlp.
"I was in a New Jersey regiment , "
said the doctor , "and in the winter of
1S63 we were camped at Fnirview with
three regiments of Vermont troops. Our
regiment was newer than the others ,
and was nearly as strong in numbers
as the three-Vermont regiments. We
were camped on the slope of a hill , and
the Volunteers above us nearer the
summit. The camp was a beautiful
one and camp life very pleasant. When
a heavy snow came the Vermonters
challenged us to a snow fight , and we
accepted. We organized under field of
ficers as did the Vermonters , and we
fully believed we could charge up the
hill and drive them out of their camp.
"We made the charge. We went up
in good shape. Snowballs flew as thick
as bullets at Gettysburg. But the Ver
monters were old snow fighters. They
not only stopped our charge , but drove
us back- down the bill. After that
whenever we passed the Vermont regi
ments the men would shout , 'Hunt
your boles , Jarseys. ' At last our boys
determined to get even. Some of the
men killed a large dog , skinned and
dressed the carcass , and hung it up in
plain sight of the Vermont camp. We
made a show of putting guards about
it , knowing the VermonterK , suppos
ing the carcass to be that of a sheep ,
would attempt to steal it. The plan
was to let them have it. and when they
made their raid , our guards were not
alert and the dog carcass was carried
off.
off."We
"We awaited developments in a state
of wild expentancy. and our spies re
ported that the Vermonters suspecting
no trick were on the point of dividing
the carcass among several messes. Be
fore this was done , however , the char
acter of the meat was discovered and
the carcass was thrown away. After
that whenever a man of our regiment
met a Vermonter he would whistle , and
when the Jerseymen passed the Ver
monters on the march or in line all the
the former would whistle and all the
latter would shout , 'Hunt your holes ,
Jarseys. ' Whenever I hear a whistle
on the street now I think of the frolics
the Jerseymen had in war time. " Chicago
cage Inter Ocean.
A Spectator's Martial Enthusiasm.
The following is told by a Xew York
er who wears a Grand Army badge :
"The boys of the 107th supported
Cotheren's Battery at Antietam. At
about the hottest of the fight the en
emy massed themselves opposite our
front , for an assault on Cotheren's po
sition. The battery was short of am
munition , and so reserved their fire ,
while throughout the whole field there
was a lull in the tumult. The Confed
erates advanced in a solid mass with
a precision of movement perfectly
beautiful. It was a moment which
tried the nerves of the bravest. In the
meantime one of our lads , becoming
quite interested in the affair , climbed a
high rock where he could view the
whole scene. He occupied bis place
unmindful of the bullets which were
buzzing like bees around us. The Con
federates came oa until we could see
their faces , and then Cotheren poured
the canister into them. The advancing
column was literally torn to pieces by
them. Our friend on the rock became
frantic in his demonstrations of de
light , and as one of the battery sec
tion sent a shrapnel which mowed
down a long row of Jo1 nnies he swung
his cap , and shouting so that the fly-
ng Confederates could hear him , sung
out :
" 'Bull-e-e-e. "et 'en up on the other
alley 1" Cincinnati Lnquirer.
tofiejf
-I' ' - II - -
Colonel C. G. Halpine sometimes
made his stammer tributary to Ills wit ,
as when , upon Mrs. Stowe's going
.ibroad in ISoo. on a supposed mission
to collect funds for the anti-slavery
cause , he nicknamed her , first among
his friends , and afterward , in print :
"Harriet Beseecher Be-Stowe. "
Tt is related that , on one occasion ,
Boss Tweed , of New York , was stand
ing with a group in the Mayor's oflice ,
when a large diamond , as big as a
strawberry , rolled upon the floor. Some
me of the group picked it up and
passed it around to find its owner.
"Not mine , " said one after another.
Tweed fumbled with his garments for
a. minute , then reached for the stone.
"It must be mine , " he said ; "I see I
'uive lost one of my suspender but-
kois. "
It once happened when "Faust" was
being acted , that the corpulent pnrsoi
who was playing the title role stucv
fast in the trap door , being therefore
unable to comply with Mephistophe
ie's final injunction to descend to th ?
fiery regions. Mcphisrophelcs tried t
ill in the pause with Interpo'aicd stag
business , but still Faust stuck who * i
he was. A dead pause followed , brok
en by the kindly encouragement of on s
jallcry god to a friend : "Larry , my
boy , there's luck for us all. Sure thj
place is full ! "
Leschetizky , the Russian composer ,
was an instructor in the imperial in
stitutc for young women at Sino'.n.- .
Some of the -pupil ; ? of the institute.
girl-like , had complained of the quality
of their food , and rumors of theii
complaint reached the ears of the Em
peror , who ordered the Duke of Oldin
burg , president of Smolna , to look in ; i
the matter. "I was not very fond o/
his excellency , " says Leschotizky ; ' h
was a man of sour disposition tal. .
thin , quick and angular in his move
ments , with little , blinking , beady
black eyes that took note of every
thing ; and his nose in everybody's bu >
iness. The Emperor's command wa \
no sooner issued that Oldinburg started - ,
ed for Smolna , arriving just at dinne *
time. Stationing himself not far frori
the kitchen , he awaited the passage o
the soldiers on duty in the dining room '
Presently two went by , carrying j
soup tureen. 'Set that down on th 11
floor and fetch me a spoon , * thundered I
the duke. The solaiers looked up in
evident surprise , but , too well disci |
plined to speak except in answer to a
question , obej-ed ; then stood submit
sively awaiting further orders. The !
duke , wearing a severely critical expression - '
pression of face , dipped the spoon hi
the gray , murky liquid , but had no I
sooner touched it to his lips than In '
angrily rejected it , shrieking , 'Why
it's dishwater ! ' 'As your highnes.-
says. ' answered the terrified soldier.
And so it was dishwater being car
ried away in-a cast-off soup-tureen
used for washing knives and forks. "
Good One on The Doctor.
The novelist Thomas A. Janvier ha
lived for a number of years in Franc ,
and has collected many folk tales ami i'
'
anecdotes of the French peasantry.
I heard a story of a physician th
other day , " Mr. Janvier said recentl. !
"He was a physician of Provence , an (
one morning , stopping his gig , he en !
tered into condescending talk with a |
tombstone-maker. i
"While the talk went on the tomb I
stone man did not cease to work. Ht
had a chisel in one hand and a malU '
in the other. He was carving upo J
his tomb the words , 'Sacred to th. I
Memory of , ' and the rest he woul |
leave blank. ,
"This proceeding for some reaso : E
avaused the . ' .
physician. Watching th. j
stone-cutter , he laughed heartily.
" 'Why , ' said the other , 'do yo\
1
laugh V
' 'Because your way of work amuse :
me , the physician said. 'Do you al (
ways cut out your headstones the be
ginning of the obituary and then
wait ? '
" 'No , ' said the stonecutter , 'not al
ways. When there Is some one sick
and you are treating him I keep right
on.11 Los Angeles Times.
Most Famous oi'Li
No lighthouse the world over has a *
wide fame among mariners as that
which stands fourteen miles off the
coast of Land's End. It is perhaps the
most celebrated in the world. It ha
often been used as an illustration by
poets and preachers , for no other light
house is in such a lonesome or dan
gerous place and none costs so much' '
money and trouble. There are three
keepers who live there with their fam '
ilips , and two of them are always on
duty , while the third is on the main
coast enjoying a vacation. They re
lieve each other each month , so that
none of the keepers remains on duty
more than two months at a time. This
change and rest Is said to be absolute
ly necessary to preserve the nerves of
the keepers. The lighthouse Is 13 i
feet high , was erected in 18S2 at a cost
of $400,000 , and rises from a submerg
ed rock. The first lighthouse was erect
ed on this rock as long ago as 1G97 ,
but was washed away six years after
and not replaced for a. long time. The
second was burned down in 1775 , the
third stood from 1767 to 18S2 and was
famous in history.
A Million a Day Bet on Races
During the racing season more than
51,000,000 a day is wagered on horses.
Although macaroni is hollow it Is
said to be solid food.
Completi-ly Kentored.
Mrs. P. Brunzeh wife of P. BrunzeLlf
Stock dealer , residence 3111 Grand *
Ave. , Everett , Wash. , says : "For flf-K
teen years I suffered '
with terrible pain in
my back. I did not
know what it was to
enjoy a night's rest
and arose in the
morning feeling tired
and unrefreshed. My !
suffering sometimes i
was simply iudescribj j
able. When I finish
ed the first box of
Doan's Kidney Pills I
felt like a different j
woman. I continued j
until I had taken five I
boxes. Doan's Kidney I
Tills act very effec
tively , very promptly , relieve the ach
ing pains and all other annoying dull-i
culties. "
Foster-Milburn Co. , Buffalo , N. Y.
For sale by all druggists. Price 50't
? ents per box. / /
FORESTALLING
"JSTOW , Mr. Beefy , " coialv said the *
oandsnme widow who was doing her
own marketing , "while 1 am fully
conscious of the honor you wish to'-
confer on me , I must tell you that'
I have no present intention of marry
ing ayaio , and am therefore , compell
ed to refuse the oiler of your hand. "
"Bub-bub-- , mnm , " stammered (
the astonished butcher , I have never
offered you my hand , and ah "
"Then why are 3011 trying to weijihj
it on the scales with the meat , sir ? " > i
Ueware of Olntm nt * Jor Catarrh tliat '
t ontuin 3ier mry ,
as mercury will .surely destroy the sense of {
smell and completely tienuijru the whole systeniL
when entering It tliron h tlie mucous surfaces-
Such articles . ' .houliJ never be used except on |
prescriptions from remitablo phyt irifuis. as the *
damage they will do Is tt-n.old to the good you
can possiblv derive from them. Hall's Catarrh
Cure , manufactured by V. .1. Chenov & Co. . Tole
do. O. , contains no mercury , and Is taken inter
nally , actlnp directly upon the blood and mu
cous surfaces of the system. In buying Hall's
Catarrh Cure be sure vou got the genuine. It is
taken Internally , and mace In Toledo , Ohio , by '
K. J. Cheney & Co. 1 testimonials free.
Sold by Uruciflsts. price 75c. per Ixritle.
HaH's Family Pills nre the best.
II IS MONEY.
From Town Topics.
Here is a story going the rounds. f
[ t is very irreverent , rather irrele-i
rant , quite shocking , very naughty ,
but it illustrates well the public ridicule - '
cule created by the "saving" rich. :
The story goes that a fabulously ricln
man , who was quoted fur his econo
mies , died. He appeared a.t the gates .
of heaven. lie was tnel by St. Peter. ,
Gabriel , as recorder of deeds , sat near
by. St. Peter said : |
"What have you done that you'
think you should come to heaven ? "
"Well , " SHid the applicant tlmi- '
dy , "I met a crippled child and gave
him 2 cents. "
"Orn-m , " replied St. Peter "that
was something. Is that right , Gab
riel"
"Yes-s , " grudgingly answered
Gahriel.
"That is not enough anything
else ? " asked St. Peter.
"Yes , I met a newsboy. lie was
crying because he was stuck with bis
evening papers. 1 bought i paper. "
"Um-m , " paid St. Peter , "that
was g jod-is that aJl right , Gabriel ? "
Oabriel icferred to bis books and
answered ' in the aflirmative.
St. Peter thought an instant , then
walked over to GahrieJ. Then con
sulted in Jew tones. Finally Gabriel
closed his records with a bang , and
said , impatiently :
"Oh , give njm hack his 3 cents and ;
tell him to go to bell. "
The average marriage age for mea
floes not differ materially in tbosfr
countries where they keep accurate
marriage recoids. It Is highest ,
thirty-one years in Sweden , and low
est in the United States , twenty-sir
and one half years. Among women *
It is also highest in Sweden , twenty-
eight years , and lowest in Russia ,
twenty-two years.
It's queer what a splendid effect
on the brain spanking on an entirely
different place has.
KNOWS NOW.
Doctor Waa Fooled by His Own Cast
for a Time.
It's easy to'understand how ordinary
people get fooled by coffee when doc
tors themselves sometimes forgot the
facts.
A physician speaks of his own ex
perience :
"I had used coffee for years and
really did not exactly believe it was
Injuring me , although I bad palpitation
of the heart every day.
"Finally one day a severe aud al
most fatal attack of heart trouble
frightened me and I gave up both tea
and coffee , using Postum instead , and
since that time I have bad absolutely
no heart palpitation except on one or
two occasions when I tried a small
quantity of coffee which caused severe
irritation and proved to me I must
let it alone.
"When we began using Postum it
geemed weak that "was because TQ
did not make it according to directiona
but now we put a little bit of butter
In the pot when boiling and allow the
Postum to boil full 15 minutes , which
gives It the proper ricb flavor and th
deep brown color.
"I have advised a great many of my
friends and patients to leave off eoffea
and drink Postum , in fact , I dairy give
this advice. " Name given by Postum
Co. , Battle Creek , Mich.
Many thousands of physicians BS
Postum in place of tea and coffee ja
their own homes and prescribe It to
patients. "There's a reason , "
A remarkable little book , "The Road
to Wellville , " can be found In each pkg.
