THE VALENTINE DEMOCRA i
I. M BICE , Publisher.
TALENTINE , NEBRASKA
Another odd thing is that 'by no
vorking at all a man may -work j
graft.
Ghecr up , Langley ; your flying ma
chine may yet be commissioned as i
submarine boat
It Is seldom that the Sick Man o
Europe feels too "poorly" to sit up an <
unite at the powers.
The aeronauts who balooned fron
Paris to England will have many ad
tairers but few imitators.
However , we do not believe Mr
Rockefeller will ever succeed In get
ting any of Uncle Rv.ssell Sage's.
"How long shall I wear mj
Cresses ? " asks a girl correspondent
Dntil you can touch papa for the pric <
f new ones.
It having been demonstrated thai
Pullman cars can be made fire-proof
the next thing in line is to provide tip
proof porters.
George Vanderbilt has found it nee-
tssary to take refuge where the people
ple are used to baronial outfits and
lon't mind them.
Trychophytosis is causing trouble
tmong the school children in Dela
ware. The teachers may be compelling
the children to spell it.
Professor Langley asked , the public
wme time ago not to expect too much
from his flying machine. Evidently
ihe professor knew his machine.
Tumut has been chosen as the new
capital of -Australian federation.
By the insertion of an " 1" this may be
changed at any time to meet possible
contingencies.
General Miles is reported to be rap-
KUy getting rich through his invest
ments in Texas oil lands. It would be
i terrible blow to Corbin if Miles
ihould wind up as a multimillionaire.
The Supreme Court of Nebraska
holds that dogs are competent witness
es , even though they cannot be sworn.
And some human beings are incompe
tent , no matter how many oaths they
take.
It has become evident that the mob
spirit is one of the menacing tenden
cies of the times , and itrappears tjp be
Increasing in intensity from day to
flay. There is now a very general
-recognition of the fact that prompt
and vigorous measures must be taken
to quell this rising of the mob spirit
If the majesty and justice of the law
are to be maintained.
The New York Mail and Express
wants to change the nickname of New
tork to "Buckwheat State. " Michi
gan will step into line with the de-
inand to be known as the "Health
Food State , " while Kentucky's choice
will be "The Eye Opener State. " But
New York is just as much entitled to
"be known as the home of the buck
wheat as Vermont is to the reputation
of being a maple sirup center.
"Idle" is not the word to describe
Prince Ludwig Ferdinand of Bavaria.
He is a general in the German army.
By profession he is a surgeon. During
the past summer he has been playing
first violin in the orchestra of the
Munich Opera House. He attended
his clinic before going to rehearsals
for the Wagner performances. There
ore more princes usefully occupied
than cynics may be willing to admit.
The Paris police have prepared a
picture-book for the use of travelers
who lose things which , because of unfamiliarity -
familiarity -with the language , they
cannot describe. It contains represen
tations of all kinds of articles , from
keys to purses , and the inquirer , after
missing valuables , has only to turn the
leaves aim point at the picture that
most resembles his property. But the
system has its limitations. Unfortu
nately it cannot picture a temper ,
ivhich is the article now most fre
quently lost by visitors to a foreign
city who do not know the language of
the country.
The college youths who haze are be
hind the times. Hazing does not give
way before advancing civilization , for
the reason , perhaps , that the hazers
are always youths who have not yet
"caught up with the procession. " At
Yale there was use of red pepper by
the hazers , it Is stated , and a mock
lynching , "with other violent proceed
ings , -which endangered life and
health. "Academic hoodlums" is the
term a contemporary applies to the
Yale sophomores , and it is not far
wrong , since the doings at Yale , If cor
rectly reported , were not such as gen
tlemen of sound mind would engage
In. College becomes a terror to par
ents If feather-brained sophomores
may do what they please to freshmen.
At other Institutions , rough and un
mannerly persecutions were In evi
dence. Hazing Is forbidden at most
Institutions , but the trouble Is that the
prohibitions are too often understood
to be Pickwickian.
President Roosevelt set a good exam
ple to parents by placing his boys in
the public school at Washington. He
could pay the "little red schoolhouse"
oo highef compliment He demon
strates his faith In our public school
system. And his indorsement cornea
at a time when the free school system
is under the fire of severe criticism.
! Its critics say the public school teaches
. too many fads that its education does
'not educate , etc. Our school system ia
/not / what it ought to be. It is not what
it will be some day. But with all its
faults it is the best educational system
of its kind the world has had , and it
is especially adapted to our institu
tions. Book learning is not all of edu
cation. Contact of personalities is an
essential feature of practical teaching.
The boy who rubs against other boys
in school and on playground leains
some important lessons. He learns
there are others. He gets his rough
corners rubbed off. He is in a minia
ture world. He learns not books only ,
but human nature. He gets what we
call experience. And he learns to bear
himself as a self-respecting but law-
observing citizen -of the school repub
lic. The boy who is sent to private
school or to a * tutor lacks these things.
The public school is also a great teach
er of democracy. President Roosevelt's
boy sits side by side with the hod-car
rier's boy. That's as good for Reese
velt's boy as for the hod-carric-r's and
especially good for the government of
the people.
The late Max O'Rell , in speaking of
our schools and school children , said
that they were the most ill bred in the
world , and wondered whether the fault
in training , or the lack of it , lay in the
home or In the school. Hopkinson ,
Smith quite agrees with the sentiment
of the French writer , and John Bris
bane Walker insists "that the school ?
and colleges should impart a pleasing
voice and address , the art of conver
sation , charm of manner and expertness -
ness in the care of the person and in
the command of it as to dress , posture
and carriage. " That Max O'Rell' &
statement is to some extent true , must
be admitted , but only to a degree , but
the eminent John Brisbane Walker ex
pects entirely too much when he thinks
the school work of a teacher should
include regular lessons in polite de
portment. The school population of
the United States is made up of the
most cosmopolitan mixture in the
world. Every nation on the face of
the globe is represented , either by a
newly lauded child or the descendant
of an earlier comer. The little girl ,
looking like a freshly plucked rose , so
sweet and dainty is she in her pretty
lawn frock , and wide ribbons , coming
from a home where refinement and in
telligence are the hall marks of the
family , sits beside with the dark-eyed ,
dark-skinned , unkempt little foreign
er whose home is a room wherein ev
ery department of household affairs is
conducted , from eating to sleeping , and
whose clothes heaven save the name
are sewn on her to save the trouble
of dressing and undressing. The natty
boy , with his spotless shirt waist and
carefully tied tie , hob-nobs with the
street urchin , whose one idea in life is
to know just enough to embark in
some business by which he can make
money in the quickest possible man
ner. The first boy sits at the dinner
table , his every move made under the
watchful eye of a careful mother who
knows just what her training will
mean to that boy , when society claims
him for its own. The second lad eats
as he can , whatever he can grab. And
yet a teacher Is expected to take these
two girls , these two boys , diametrically
opposite to each other In every thing ,
and impart to them "charm of manner
and expertness in the care of the per
son. " It would be a task simply hercu
lean in its scope. Every school child ,
no matter from where he comes , is in
sensibly subject to the restraining in
fluence of school life. A teacher who
Is firm , quiet and gentle exerts a
"charm of manner" over her most un
ruly pupil , not because it is in her line
of duty , but because her own soothing
personality makes Itself felt , without
the slightest intention on her part. But
for a teacher to be expected to do
what is either carelessly or negligently
omitted at home Is expecting more ,
much more , than she can or should be
called upon to do , in the limited time
given her for the expansion of the im
mature minds committed sometimes
wholly to her care.
- Poor Mother !
The scientific housewife , says Marj
Moulton Smith , will see that the mem
bers of her family receive the various
elements of food in their proper pro
portion ,
"Before breakfast has been pre
pared , " she concludes , "or after it has
joen served and eaten , the housewife
should add up the different amounts
of proteid , fat and carbohydrate found
n the foods. In the evening you can
hid out whether you have taken too
much of one kind of food , or not
enough of another. "
The Chicago Tribune comments on
this advice by dropping into poetry :
Mother's slow at figures , but she always
has to count
The proteids , to see that we secure the
right amount. ]
She keeps a pad of paper and n pencil
neur the sink ,
And estimates our victuals , all the things
we eat or drink.
She lists our carbohydrates and scribbles
down the fat ,
our specific gravity she always
watches that.
Consumption or PI # Iron.
The consumption of pig iron In the
[ Jnlted States for the year Is estimat
ed at 20,000,000 tons and the furnaces
mve been producing on that basis , but
i million tons of pig iron has been
tought abroad. This has depressed the
narkct so that a number of furnaces
mve blown out
When apologies begin to creep into
i friendship , it is growing shaky.
JOT OP A GOOD CONSCIENCE.
By the Rer. A. P. Doyle.
Tribulation and anguish upon tin
soul of every man that worketh evil.
Romans , ii.
A good conscience that is at peac <
with God inrrpasseth every joy. 1
conies tx > a man when he has loyally
and faithfully kept the whole law ii
his heart and has stoutly resisted even
unto blood the allurements of evil. ]
There are many incentives in thi'i
life of oore impelling one to wandei
away from Hie iwths of rectitude. II
is far easier to indulge one's self amis
the soft , cushions of a pleasure lovmp
Life than to struggle with a soldiei
spirit to abide by the discipline of tin
law. It is much more agreeable t < ;
lloat with the tide of easy go > ing friend ,
ships , to yield to every inordinate de
sire of physical and social voluptuous
ness , than it is to stem the currents l > j
stern resolve and harsh self-denial.
One way , however , leads to moral
destruction ; the other leads to the pas
tures of a peaceful conscience , where
prosperity and plenty abound. John
the Baptist in his prison is happy ;
Herod on his throne is miserable. How
good It Is to serve God ! What pleas
ure and tnuiquility there are in " loving
lnim ! He is benign and imj
those whose hearts art
him. He is terrible'
fend and deny him.
is calm and at rest ; a
turbulent and -agitated ,
pose reign ici a soul which
God ; trouble and inquietude
the soul of the wicked.
An hour ago I said mass at
house of Calvary , and about me A
a score of sufferers. I could hear a bore
the .lispings of prayer the stippresrad
moans of pain. The cold finger jof
death had touched the physical frame
of each , but the warm lire of a ( Uvuie
love glowed in their hearts of devotion.
The excruciating agony of physyeal
pain wrenched from them an involun
tary groan , but tiie pleasure and peace
of a good conscience wreathed t'ieir
wan faces into lines of joy. The cer
tainty of impending death and the sev
ering of all tics that bound them to
home and lifelong friendships wercft
tie less than a daily martyrdom , but
over it all was the glow of a wester
ing sun , that touched the landscape of
their lives with infinite beauty and
brought their hearts into sympathy
with the joys of a life beyond the
grave.
The conscience of the just man is a
type of heaven because he is at peace
with God and God dwells in his heart ;
that of a sinner is a type of hell be
cause it can find no rest and is gov
erned by the spirit of evil. Good men
fear nothing ; the wicked fear every-
Lhiug. The just are good in themselves
because their lives are governed by the
inspirations of God ; the secret motives
and the hidden life of the sinner are
corrupt and constantly at war with
God. The just enter readily Into them
selves because all therein is peace and
wnsolation ; the wicked dare not enter
nto themselves , because , like the
seething of the witches' caldron , their
learts are a turbulent mass of vicious
lesires and unrestrained baseness.
"Know thou and see that it is a fear-
'ul and bitter thing for thee to have
eft the Lord thy God. " "What hast
: hou to do In the land of Egypt but to
Irink the troubled waters ? " The just
ife well amid the pains and anguish of
ife and die with joy ; the wicked lived
imid pleasures and enjoyments and
[ ie in bitter pain and anguish.
A life in conformity with the com-
nandments of God is , even from a
emporal point of view , the more de-
irable. It writes Its history in the
learning face ; it shows itself in the
prightiy step of those who arc glad
f heart ; it touches with a dash of
tinshine the thoughts , and it lights up
, ith a heavenly glow the desires of
soul that experiences the friendship
f God. "A good conscience is a con
nual feast" ( Prov. xv ) .
The joy of a good conscience beinj
3 precious , it is to be sought at anj
3st , it must be secured at all haz-
rds. The .first step is through repent-
sice. "But thou hast mercy upon all
1
Dcause thou canst do all things , and
rerlookest the sins of men for the
ike of repentance" ( Wisdom xi. ) . The
iptism of water washes away from
ie souls of children the stain of orig-
, al sin ; the baptism of blood washes
A-ay every stain from the souls of the
artyrs ; the baptism of the heart
eanses the souls of all penitents. It
impossible for any one to be saved
iless he does penance , and the meas- t
e of repentance must be according to
e extent of the guilt "And now , t
erefore , saith the Lord , be convert-
to me with all your heart In fasting ,
id in weeping , and in mourning ; and
ad your hearts and not your gar-
pnts. and turn to the Lord your God ,
r he Js gracious and merciful , pant -
nt , and rich in mercy , asjd ready to
rgive" ( Joel ii. ) .
But while repentance is the key that
ens the door to the joys of a good
npcience , n settled purpose to keep
commandments Is the means to
lintain ono in thedrpossession. When
t > u.s Oiu > aj ters Into a roaa'i heart
to become its master he brings with
him a foretaste of the pleasures of par
adise. "I have found him whom mj
soul loveth and I will not let him go. '
The essence of a good conscience is tc
possess God , and there is no sweete
joy on eorth than this , nor is there anj
higher bliss in heaven.
NEED PERSONAL , ELEMENT.
By Dr. Emll G. Hirsc. * .
The day of individualism is past anc
'collectivism is in the ascendency. Th <
I tendency of modern thinking is largely
away from the
\ personal. We have
\ eliminated the per-
J sonal God in the-
t elegy and also
from the sphere oi
our own social re
lations. Belief to
mechanical contri
vances has replaced -
placed personal
a m b i t i ons. W
have about conn
* * to the conclusion
UR. E. o. IIIKSCII. that the human ele
uient is unnecessary.
From the industrial field there is
-but one step to the territory of morals.
Heredity , environment and Impersonal
forces are invoked to read the person
ality of man. Ilis character is largely
predprninated by the mechanics ol
'circumstances. There Is no leeway for
the personal. The day of individual
ism is past and the collective tendency
is no\v dominant.
No day has offered such opportuni
ties for demagogues as ours. The man
who knows the depths of human weakness -
ness can play upon tiie masses , for the
masses allow some one else to think
of them. Our standards of morality
are not fixed by ourselves. What we
need to-day is a reincarnation of the
personal clement , for the sense of per
sonal responsibility is lacking.
MUST WORK TOGETHER.
By Dr. John Mcrrlttc Driver
There are enough anti-saloonists to
make an end of the saloon in every
community ; there are enough Prohibi
tionists to enact prohibition in every
State : there are enough honest men
to stop all gambling and enough virtu
ous people to close up every disreputa
ble resort. This is true of even Ghi-
cairo and New York and every other
city. There are enough Christian people
ple to win this whole world for Christ
in the present generation. The one
thing lacking is unity of action , the
laying aside of non-essentials and the
uniting of all forces upon the few
vital points upon which all Christians
and reformers are agreed.
The real difficulty with us all Is
some irrelevant or selfish or vainglor
ious matter. With Christians it is de-
noniinationalism ; with reformers it is
partis.inism ; with local politicians
and "workers" it is office and "graft. "
How to build up our particular church
or party or machine , rather than how
to promote Christianity and patriotism
and civic virtue and honor , is the one
absorbing thought and endeavor. Gam
blers and grafters and saloonists and
evildoers of every ilk and hue stand
together , while churches and reform
ers are easily outwitted and defeated
and driven back , lacking unity and
cohesion and a comprehensive plan of
WRONG GOD'S MESSENGER.
By Bishop Cheney.
It is so natural a. tiling to perpetuate
the memory of a good man by a splen
did tomb that the denunciation which
the te.\t utters needs explanation.
What Christ rebuked was the self-flat
tery of these scribes and Pharisees
that the3' would never have done such
wrong to God's messengers as their
ancestors had wrought Christ was
( oachinir these men 1hat they knew
nothing of the depths of their own
hearts. For at that moment they
were plotting the murder of one great-
? r , holier , more loving than all the
indent prophets.
Could self-ignorance go farther ? Yes.
When moil and women in the twcn-
.ietn century and in the full blaze of
rospel li ht revile those scribes and
? h.ii'iscos and say : "if we had lived
n their days we would not have re-
ected Jesus. " And when Jesus comes
lot as a peasant of Galilee , not as a
) ovcrty-strickeu wanderer , not as one
vith no piace to lay his head , but as
he one who has given us everything
"
vhich makes our modern life "worth
iving , have we as much excuse as
hose scribes and Pharisees for not
-ccepting Christ ?
Sentence Sermons.
You cannot win souls in your sleep. ,
Back-seaters soon become back-
liders.
He who entertains envy invites
nmity.
The Bible is a time card and not a
cket.
Our habits here determine our habit
icre.
Wishes and not words are the true
rayers.
Silent sermons are often the most
jccessfuL
Temptation ia the devil's form of
junction.
A negligent love can easily become
diligent hate.
What you pray for yon ongiit to be
illlng to pay for.
Licking a boy to make him go to
inday school is a flrst-claaa way of
'
"Wben Christmas day came in 1SG1 , "
said Dr. A. W. Gray , "our regiment ,
the Fifty-First Illinois , was at Pa-
ducah. There was no Christmas fiin-
ner in sight There was no prospect
of any , and the boys used to that
sort of thing were very blue. At that
stage of the war Uncle Sam was ov
erparticular as to the property of the
people in the vicinity of camps. Strict
guard was kept over camp as well
as over the houses and hen roosts in
the vicinity. If we could get out of
camp into the town or into the coun
try , we felt confident that we would
have chickens , if not turkeys. . for
Christmas dinner , but between us and
the chickens was a line of guards.
and not one of us had the counter
sign.
"With the countersign the way was
open to a Christmas dinner , and as
chairman of the committee of ways
and means I suggested a plan to get
it. I got hold of an old cavalry sword
the night before Christmas , and , ad
justing the belt so that the sword
made a good deal of noise when I
stepped , I formed a dozen or more of
the boys as we usually formed a pa
trol guard , and when we heard the
real patrol coining I stepped out in
the thick darkness and shouted 'Halt ! '
The officer in charge of the patrol an
swered my challenge in the usual way
saying that ho was a friend with the
countersign. He. was directed to come
forward and give the countersign ,
which he did. I could not see his
men , and he could not see mine , but
he supposed naturally that I was on
patrol duty. The outcome was that ,
with the countersign , we went through
the guard line , found a goodly num
ber of chickens , and had a good Christ
mas dinner. "
"At New Madrid in 1SG2 , our boys
played a similar game to get boards
for their shanties. We were then in
Pope's division , or corps , and every
one knew that he was a very strict
disciplinarian. Behind his headqu.ar-
ers was a pile of lumber , ahvaj-s un
der guard , and neither officers nor men
were any the better for that pile of
lumber being there. One day , how
ever , I formed a squad of men ,
marched over to the lumber pile , sa
luted tne guard as I halted my men ,
ami , without a word of explanation ,
directed them to take down a cer
tain number of boards and to carry
them over to our Colonel's headquar
ters. The guard made no objection ,
and we took with us as many boards
as we could carry. This , of course ,
was unadulterated cheek , but it work
ed in that case , as I suppose it work
ed in scores of others where the sol
diers of the Union army were con
cerned.
"The boys of the Fifty-First , mind
you. were all jrood soldiers. I never
- aw them flinch , and I saw them in
i srood many tight places. We were
n that snowstorm up in East Ten
nessee. We had been to Knoxville and
K-ere coming back to Chattanooga , and
liad bivouacked without shelter of any
iind. It was moderately warm , and
we rolled up in our blankets and lay
lown , looking up into a clear sky. In
.he morning when the bugle sounded
: here were no men visible. Ten inches
) f snow had fallen so quietly as note
: o disturb the sleeping men , and as
[ looked down our company lines I
saw only a line of little snow hillocks ,
iust as you would see them in a coun-
ry graveyard.
"When the bugle sounded sharp and
lear , however , there was first a gen
ie stir among the men , a moving of
irms and stretching in the first mm-
ite of wakefulness and then a chorus
f whoops or yells. The snow coming 1
( own in the hastily uncovered faces I
if the men startled them into an up- 1
onr and as they came up out of the 1I 1
imw I thought of certain resurrection I
lietures that I had seen in my boy 1
ia.vs. The scene was weird and yet 1a 1
ia indescribably funny because the a
Una lion was so unheard of and be- 4
*
: inse the boys , after the first jolt of
heir sensibilities , accepted the situa- II
ion in good spirits. " I
C
"General Mahone , " said the Colonel ,
once sent me some Smithfield hams 0s
0C
r > m his old home place and asked C
ie later if I had ever tasted anything
s iood. I admitted that I had 'tasted
C
am just as good during the war. He
c
idift think I had and explained that
in best pork in the world was the
roduct of the Dismal swamp and the
i mis thereabout that the mast of that v
: gion gave to the flesh of the bogs
ie flavor peculiar to game fattened
i the marshes and swamps of Vir-
inla. and that to the epicure there a
; \ no better pork in the world than a
lat of his home county or of the dis- v
ict in the vicinity of Suffolk and Nor- r <
"I knew this almost as well as irai
eneral Mahone. because in the early aisi
Os our regiment was serving as si
ounted infantry in the country of
ie Blackwater , and raiding into the
knial swamp. We often pushed our
ilumn outward to the Nottoway river
r > se up to the Petersburg & Weldon
ailrond , but the Confederate garri-
n at Stony creek , well equipped far
pici movement , was always In our tr
trta
ay. Our raids resulted in nothing ta
more than in keeping" the enemy on the
alert , we , in the meantime doing dou
ble duty in the way of night riding i
strange and unexplored territory.
"There were , however , compensa/-
tlons. Suffolk Is on the borders of the *
Dismal swamp and we found in tlio-
Suffolk and Dismal swamp districts
the best pork that we found anywhere
in all our army experience. We found ,
also , occasionally , some planter with
his smokehouse well stocked with cur
ed pork waiting for the agents of Gen
eral Lee. When we found such a man ,
wo made our mark and brought into
camp what General Mahone regarded
as the luxury of the country.
"In truth we came to believe that
there is nothing quite so toothsome
as the 'old Virginia jowl and salad *
or a dish of green turnip tops and
the jowl of the Smithfield porker.
When I told General Mahone of our
experiences in tiie Dismal swamp-
country , of the porkers and hams we
ate there , of the Union men we found
there who helped us , and of the sul
len Confederates who intrigued
against us , and of our adventures hi
out-of-the-way places , lie agreed with
me that If the true history of the-
military division of the Department of
Norfolk were over written , it would
show a record of perilous scouting and
reckless skirmishes that would be
greatly to the credit of the detach
ments of the two armies engaged. "
"Raiding. " said the Captain , "devel
oped tiie dare-devil instincts in men , ,
and not infrequently the worst men ,
in our company were at the front
acting like highwaymen. Such men
had no friends in the country raidefl
and none among their own comrades.
We lost one of these fellows In a
skirmish and most of the boys were-
not sorry. When we came to bury
hini , not a word was said. An old
German , who had seen service abrcad. .
insisted that some one should say
something good of the dead man. The-
boys shook their hearts and advised
him to try it him clf. Old Jacob step
ped forward , embarrassed , but de
termined. As he stood at the grave ,
with his hands in Ids pockets , his-
right hand touched his pipe. This-
gave him a pointer. Straightening-
himself and holding Iris pipe in his
hand , he said : 'VreII , boys , he vas a
good schmoker. ' " Chicago Inter
Ocean.
The Ualance Sheet.
Washington , D. C. Oflicials of the
pension bureau state that the roll wfll be
reduced f 0 per cent during tliu uext five
r > r six years on account of veterans'
Jeatlis. This will amount to $79,000,000
annually.
And the soldiers mnrch away
To the slow drumbeat of Time ,
Arid the fifes are soft , and tiie bugles
piny
A requiem sublime ;
With the fins wrapped round abont
Tiie flag they kept on high
And a memory of the battle shout ,
And n war gleam in the eye.
But the time has not yet come.
And the moment is not yet
When with intricately added sum
The land lisis paid its debt ,
For the land they helped to save ,
With a last and long embrace
Will receive each form to nn honored'
To an honored resting place.
( Vhen they sleep that last long sleep ,
If there comes to them a dream
t will be that we shall forever keep
Their glory in full gleam.
V.s the soldiers march away
As the ranks show ; japs , and wane
Chore shall be no one to arise and say
That the purse will show its gain.
3ut the land will count its loss
And the figures shall be great ,
Lnd the sum of it shall reach across
The land from State to State.
Vhen at last there comes the end
When we carve the final name
Then our loss and gain shall be- boldly
penned
On the balance sheet of Fame.
-Chicago Tribune.
lie Got the Oystera.
This good story is told on a certahu
laptain of the old Fourteenth Massa-
husetts , when they were stationed ;
a Washington :
The aforesaid Captain was some-
rhat noted for his love of the good
binss gastronomic , and one day dle-
atched one of his "live Yankees" off
3 Alexandria to get some fresh oys-
; rs , giving him instructions not to
2turn without the bivalves. The man
'ent off , and no more was seen of
im for several days. The indignant
ad disappointed Captain reported him
s a deserter and gave him up as a.
lost child. " But after the lapse of
me days Bailey , for that was his-
aine , came into camp , leading a train.
J. four-horse wagons loaded with
rsters. Approaching and respectfully
ilutlng the amazed and speechless
iptain Bailey said :
"Here are your oysters , Captain ,
ouldn't find any in Alexandria , so I
lartered a schooner and made a voy-
je to Fortress Monroe and Norfolk :
r them. There's about 200 bushels
here do you want 'em" "
Baaley did really make the trip ,
red his men , sold oysters enough .n
EK > rgetown before "reporting" to pay
l expenses and leave him a profit oL
wut $100. The 200 bushels were di- '
fled among the regiment , and Bailey
turned to his duty.
Soldiers and citizens made good
> ney in those days trading in oysters
.d everything good to eat , and Kailey
is not the only soldder who matfc
ch expeditions down the river.
ncinnati Enquirer.
Different.
"Is It true about the butcher offer-
l you his hand ? " asked the inQuisi-
e friend.
Not quite , " replied the spinster. "He
ed to sell it to me , bat 1 maxJe him.
se It off the scale. "