* * * * * *
t J
: : ft
! w
! lU
* * i Exchange
r/ HATE everything in the world , "
II asserted the girl , sweepiugly and
defiantly , "everything and every
body except , of course , you , Aunt
Hester. "
"Kitly , dear , don't talk so wickedly , "
replied a voice so feeble and tired ,
though sweet , that there was no need
to be told Aunt Hester was ill.
"It's quite true , " repeated Kitty ; "I
flu hate everything. 1 hate never hav
ing any money and living in these two
poky little looms , and not being able
to take you abroad , which the doctor
says -uould very likely make you well
again , and having to slave day after-
day teaching tlnse horrid children
who never sewn to learn anything. .1
loathe it all ! I can't help not being
patient like you , Auntie , and if it is
wicked to hate things , why then I
must be wicked I"
The girl stopped , completely out of
breath , and the elder woman sighed
but said nothing. She knew how hard
the poverty of their lives was to the
pretty girl of eighteen , who had
youth's natural desire for pl ° asure and
pi'9tty things. She understood how irk-
bonie it was to Kitty to teach three
dull children for five hours daily for
the munificent sum of 14 a year ,
which money , with the addition of a
very small annuity of hers , was all
they had to live on. She knew , too ,
better than her niece , better even than
the doctor , that so far as she was con
cerned , It would soon be over ; that
not even the visit to Switzerland , so
easily advised , so impossible to ob
tain , would make very much differ
ence or very materially lengthen the
days before Kitty would be left to
fight the battle of life alone.
"Only 30 , " she went on bitterly. "I
have worked it all out. For 50 we
could both go to Lausanne for ten
weeks. You know that pension where
Lizbie stayed ; they would take the
two of us for 3 a week ; ihat would
leave plenty for the journey. Fifty
pounds ! less than heaps of women
fepend on one dress ! I call it hateful
horrible unfair. Why should we have
nothing and others so much ? "
She made for the park , and as she
was walking along one of its most de
serted paths her foot knocked against
a stone , which she kicked impatiently
.away. The softness of the stone
struck her , and sue looked down to
find she was kicking a purse. She
picked it up and examined it carefully.
It was nearly new , of green leather ,
curiously worked with black , and the
monogram , "A. K. " stamped In gold
In one corner.
"It is so light there can be nothing
In it , " she said to herself , and opened
It. A shilling and four pennies fell
Into her hand , and then some pieces of
folded paper , five Bank of England
notes for 10 each. There was no one
near. Kitty's head swam , her eyes
grew misty , she felt sick and faint as
tie temptation unfolded Itself to her.
Here was the exact sum needed to re
store Aunt Hester to health : there was
no name in the purse , no clew to the
owner ; surely , since it had come to her
at that moment when she so much
needed 50 , It must have been sent by
Providence. Surely it would be only
right for her to keep It. Thus she rea
soned , knowing the weakness of her
arguments , realizing , but refusing to
consider , that she contemplated com-
"mitting a theft. And after the theft ,
lies would be necessary , for if Aunt
Hester had the faintest idea of how
the money was obtained , she would
certainly refuse to even touch it , and
would insist on making every effort to
find its owner.
If Miss Ormond had not been the
most simple-minded and unsuspecting
of women she would never have be
lieved that Mrs. Harper , the by no
means rich mother of her niece's pu
pils , would give her a present of 50 ,
for this was the very feeble lie by
which Kitty accounted for her posses
sion of the money. Miss Osmond was
anxious to write and thank the lady ,
but Kitty averred that Mrs. Harper
had made a condition she should re
ceive no thanks for her gift and Miss
Ormond , into whose guileless mind no
shadow of suspicion entered , obeyed ,
though a little unwillingly. ' 'Such a
magnificent , such a princely gift , "
she kept on murmuring gently , ' 'it
seems rude and ungrateful for me not
to thank her , but of course we must
dc as she wishes. I hope , Kitty , you
said how deeply grateful we both
are. "
A week later and the dingy lodgings
were left and aunt and niece started
for Switzerl md. Aunt Hester bore the
journey very well , and they were soon
Installed in a comfortable pension
overlooking the azure waters of Lake
Leman , on the other side of which in
snow-clad majesty the peaked Alps
keep guard.
Then suddenly one day when they
had been in Lausanne for six w ks ,
and Kitly congratulated herserthat
her aunt was so much better she had
not sinned in vain , the end came. Aunt
Hester returned from a walk , felt
tired , and went to lie down. In two
hours the suave little Swiss doctor
w.i assuring the aim. st frantic Kitty
that nothing could save Miss Ormond.
"If all your famous London doctors
had been here , Mademoiselle , they
could have done nothing. Her heart
failed suddenly. I sympathize much
with you. "
i . Mrs. Alh-ii , the hdy ; with whom she
lived , was .so sorry for the lonely girl
| that she always asked her to join any
1 little entertainment that took place.
Kitty never accepted these kindly
meant Invitations. She was so un
happy that she had no heart for any
thing of the kind. One evening , how
ever , she relented. A small musical
party was to be given and one of the
pupils , a girl of whom Kitty had be
come very fond , begged her to accept
Mrs. Allen's invitation to join it.
"My brother , who is staying at Lau
sanne now , is coming , " she said proud
ly. "He sings splendidly , and you play
accompaniments so well that I want
you to play his. I told Mrs. Allen t
would implore you to come. Do , there's
a darling. You needn't stay down
stairs all the evening if you are tired ,
only I do want you to hear Arthur
sing and see him , too ; he is just per
fect ! " For Janie thought there was
no one in the world fit to compare
with her eldest brother.
Kitty acceded to the earnest request ,
though when she found herself in the
drawing-room that evening she was
almost sorry she had given in. There
was no help for it then , however , and
she bowed gracefully to the tall , dark
young man who was immediately in
troduced to her by his enthusiastic
sister.
"Miss Ormond is going to play your
accompaniments , Arthur , " she said im
petuously. "She plays beautifully , and
1 have told her all about your wonder
ful singing. "
The man smiled.
"I am afraid my little sister talks
too much , " he said. "She is so proud
of my singing that she expects every
one to be equally enthusiastic ! "
During the evening he asked his sis
ter why Miss Ormond looked so un
happy , and she told him that Miss Or
mend had brought her aunt out to
Lausanne hoping thereby to restore
her health , and how she had died sud
denly. "The poor thing is quite alone
in the world , and very poor , " Janie
continued , "so Mrs. Allen asked her to
live with her. She must have loved
that aunt awfully , because it is more
than two years since she died , and
Miss Ormond always has that sad ex
pression. " The young man found that
Janie had by no means exaggerated
Miss Orniand's playing powers , and al
though not at all impressionable , he
could not help feeling interested in the
beautiful , sad , and apparently friend
less girl. He stayed in Lausanne for
some time , and very often saw his sis
ter , and always managed to see Miss
Ormond at the same time.
"Kitty , dear , " he said tenderly , "why
are you so much astonished ? You
must have known I loved you. My
poor little girl , all alone in the world.
Janie has told me all about your trou
bles , and now I am going to make you
happy again. You are too young and
pretty to have that sad face always. "
But the girl shrank from him.
"I can't , " she murmured brokenly.
"I love you , oh , yes , I love you. but
I can never marry you nor any other
man ! " ,
The anguish in her voice and face
was so intense that the man looked at
her in astonishment.
"What is it. my darling ? Why do
you talk so strangely ? Why , if you
love me , can't you marry me ? You
speak as if you had committed a
crime ! "
"So I have , " she answered , and it
was his turn to start back and ex
claim , "Kitty , what do jou mean ? "
"Listen , " she said miserably , and
then she tells her story.
Her eyes Were on the ground , and
she did not see the curious light in
his.
"It is odd there was exactly the 50
you wanted , no more , no less , " he ob
served quietly , to her astonishment.
"There was something else , " she an
swered , "a "
But he interrupted her :
"A shilling and four pennies were in
it as well ; the purse was green
worked with black , and A. K. was
stamped in gold in one corner. "
' A . K. ! " she cried. "Arthur King :
It was your purse. Oh , let me go. Let
me go. let me never see you again ! "
lie held her firmly.
"My darling , the money is nothing to
me in comparison with what you have
suffered. I am glad you had the mon
ey , glad that through me you were
able to give your aunt a little happi
ness at the end. And for yourself.
Kitty , you must be happy again now.
After all , you used my money , and it
is only fair you should give me some
thing in exchange. "
"I have nothing to give , at least
hardly anything. I have only been able
to save 10. Oh , Arthur , how you
must hate me ! "
"I don't want inoue } * , Kitty. You can
give me the only thing in the world
that I want , and that is " She
looked at him In wonderment. "Your
self , " he finished , and she said no
more. New York News.
American Cigarettes in India.
It is now said that the cigarette
trade of India an enormous and grow
ing one , for every native smokes has
been captured by America. It is the
old story over again surplus stock
sold at ruinous prices. Ten American
cigarettes , done up in a box , can be
bought to-day in any Indian bazaar for
half a penny.
Natural headaches are not in It with
the acquired kind.
NURSES OF THE ARMY.
Women Are Rejyularly Employed , Usu
ally with Marked Success.
A brief account by Dr. McGee of the
nurse corps of the army as it exists
now haa recently been published in the
journal of the Association of Military
Surgeons of the United States. A pre
vious article described the conditions
attending the appointment of trained
women nurses for army duty , which
began in May , 189S , and culminated
In September , when about 1,200 were
employed. Between then and the pres
ent time they have served in the Unit
ed States , Gul > a , Porto Rico , Hawaii ,
Japan , the Philippines , and even in , the
Chinese campaign , according to Amer
ican Medicine. The number is now
fixed at 100 on active duty , with a
small body of "reserves" who have
seen active service and are ready to
answer future calls.
Trained nurses are permanently sta
tioned at the army hospital at San
Francisco , at the one for tuberculosis
at Fort Bayard , N. M. , and at the larg
est hospitals in the Philippines. They
are temporarily sent to any post where
they may be needed. They serve un
der a section of the army reorganiza
tion law framed in 1900 , which pro
vided that the medical department
should consist of specified medical of
ficers , of the enlisted inin of the hos
pital corps , and of the nurse corps ( fe
male ) .
A superintendent is stationed in the
Surgeon General's oflice and a chief
nurse is at each of the hospitals where
nurses are serving. Recent regulations
provide for an examination in nurs
ing , cooking and allied subjects before
promotion from the grade of nurse to
that of chief nurse. Women are em
ployed with marked success as teach
ers of nursing and cooking in the two
schools maintained to give brief pre
liminary instruction to the hospital
corps recruits. Dr. McGee urges that
In the future the nurse corps be more
largely utilized in giving systematic
ward training to fit the hospital corps
men for their duties in the smaller hos
pitals where they have no trained su
pervision. She also recommends the
gradual formation of a large corps of
reserves who have received some post
graduate military training.
TWAIN'S ROAST CHICKENS.
Cooked in a Peculiar Way that Made
Them Delicious.
Recently Major John B. Downing , of
Middleport , Ohio , was discussing army
chicken stealing and the various ways
the boys had of preparing them to be
served. The Major was a Mississippi
river pilot in his young days , and stood
at the wheel as a cub under the watch
ful eye of "Sam" Clemens , the Mark
Twain of the present day.
"Speaking of chicken stealing , " said
the Major , who is now gray and vem-
iuiscent , "we had great times on the
Mississippi when Mark Twain , Jake
Estep and myself were together. Jake
would have made a typical soldier. He
could locate a fat pullet In a whole
coop of half-breeds.
"In those days we carried a great
deal of freight from points along the
Mississippi river to New Orleans , par
ticularly during the holiday season.
At many places the coops were four
and five deep on the levee when we
landed. Estep always had an eye out
for a particularly promising coop , and
usually kept in mind the place where
it had been stored away.
"Shortly before midnight he would
go on deck and extract several plump
fowls from the coops he had 'pre
empted. ' The chickens were dis
patched without a protesting squawk ,
the entrails removed , but the feathers
left intact. Seasonings were then In
serted , and the fowls inclosed In a
heavy casing of soft clay to the thick
ness of two inches. They were then
cast among the hot embers in the ash
pan and permitted to roast to the
queen's taste. When thoroughly
cooked , they were removed , and the
clay casing broken from about them.
The feathers came away with the clay ,
leaving clean , smoking hot fowls ready
for the dish of hot butter awaiting
them upstairs. Estep with a fork
stripped the flesh from the bones into
the melted butter , while the rest of us
stood about and smacked our lips in
anticipation. Dear , dear , but they
were teed : In cooking them in that
way all the rich flavors were retained
I can almost taste them now , and I
wish I could as a matter of fact. "
g to His Polly.
A young Japanese compositor em
ployed on a Japanese journal hardly a
stone's throw from the Mail and Ex
press building was riding downtown
in a City Hall tram the other morning.
He was engrossed in his morning pa
per and paid little attention to the
other passengers. But a fresh-looking
young man who sat next to him , and
wlio had been eyeing him all along ,
suddenly said :
"What sort of a 'uese' are you , any
way ? A Chinese or a Japanese ? "
The little Jap was not caught nap
ping. Quick as a wink he replied :
" \Vhat sort of a 'key' are you , any
way ; a monkey , a donkey or a Yankee -
kee ? "
The fresh young man had no more to
say , and left the train quickly when
City Hall station was reached. New
York Mail and Express.
She Can't Do It.
Mamma Johnny , I shall have to tell
your father what a naughty boy you
have been.
Johnny I guess dad's right when he
says a woman can't keep a thing to
herself. Boston Transcript.
Shipping California Oranges.
A commercial agent of the Japanese
government is in California to make
an experiment of shipping California
oranges to Japan.
Ideals of a Woman.
During her engagement the woman
of a certain type spends her waking
aid sleeping moments building a ped-
stal upon which she places her be-
ovcd. Before the honeymoon is over
, he decides that she built the pedestal
.00 high , and proceeds to remove a
Jew of the foundation blocks labeled
maidhood's ideals. "
About the third year of their inar-
ied life she becomes possessed of the
dea that she belongs on that pedestal ,
and calmly climbs up. A year or so
later she reads that Helen of Troy
played ping-pong with her nation's
listory at 40 , and that Cleopatra had
cached the same mature age when
-he captivated Caesar , Anthony and a
'e\v other notables of her day. Where
upon Milady Matrimony drops a hint
matter-of-fact that he
to her - - spouse
ought to be proud of the right to delve
after money for the purpose of adorn
ing and embellishing the figure of one
who is so marked a credit to his good
oste.
Five years later she thinks her hus
band is something of a brute because
lie cannot figure out how to send UVo
athletic-loving boys tin h college
and give daughter a fe\ > finishing
touches in French and music all on
$3,000 a year. Then , when the storm
'has blown over and the boys have
settled into business without the col
lege education , and daughter is head
stenographer for Bim , Burrell & Co. ,
at 20 per , she one day discovers that
the gray hairs are coining in thick
above father's temples , and that there
are lines in his face which she had
never noticed before.
Then comes to her a moment of re
flection. Backward rolls the panorama
of their married life , and she sees it
through a gentle mist. Then , oddly
enough , the man finds himself just
where they started out together on
he pedestal.
Ghe the baby and each child a bed
o himself. Have the sleeping-room
. eel and clean and as bare of furniture
is a cell. See that the clothing of the
little sleeper is loose at the neck , waist
ind arms , and keep his head uncover-
* d. If there is anything young ani
mals cannot do without it Is fresh air ,
ind babies get less than any other
class. Through the pores of the skin
the body is continually throwing off
poisonous vapors. If the head is cov
ered with the bed clothing , the unfor
tunate infant will be breathing bad
ur. Fashion or no fashion , it is a
cruel shame to trim or starch babies'
clothing. The average child suffers
from over-feeding and over-dressing.
Let him learn to be a trifle hungry.
Half the time the child cries he wants
lir or fresh water. Wiping the lips of
a crying baby with cool water will
often soothe and refresh him.
Two Careers.
What has she done that men should stay
The jostling hurry of their way
To seek with wonder-eajjer eyes
The darkened mansion where she lies ?
What has she done that , far and wide ,
Has flashed the word that she has died
That folk in distant land have said
To one another : "She is dead ? "
Why should the lips of strangers raise
To her a monument of praifx ; ?
Ah , it was hers to conquer fame ,
She made a Name.
And she who lies so whiteiy still ,
untouched of joy , unvexed of ill.
Has she done aujiht ? Why , surely , no ;
The records of her living show
No laurels won , no glory gained.
No effort crowned , no height attained ;
n life she championed no enure ;
Why should the passing people pause ?
One little household's narrow scope
Lleld .ill her heart and all her hope ,
Too lowly she for fame's high dome.
She made a Home.
Jennie Betts Ilartswick in Harper's
Bazar.
The Unpopular Woman.
The keep-your-distance forbidding
attitude taken by so many women has
a terrible effect on the expression of
the face. There is seldom any need
for them to speak. Expression does
that as plainly as the tongue , or even
more plainly sometimes. .
The popular woman is she who has
a bright word and cheery smile for all.
nnd who does not allow herself to be
drawn into cliques. There is such a
thing as miserable happiness. It
sounds contradictory , but it is a mat
ter of fact that such a state of things
exists , chiefly in women not all wom-
t u , of course , but just those who are
always on the lookout for troubles
ahead , and if they enjoy themselves ,
their dismal way of doing so effectu-
a ly prevents enjoyment on the part of
those who are with them.
A grievance is an absolute necessity
to them , and they are not happy with
out they are worrying themselves or
o.hers , quite forgetting that "suflicient
or the days is the evil thereof. "
There are so many ieal troubles for
ome of us to bear that it is .natural
'hat we should shun the society of
those gloomy people who have every
thing they wish for , and yet are not
satisfied , but whose happiness seems
to consist in reciting their real or
imaginary woes to all with whom they
come in contact , particularly those liv
ing with them , and if people will gloat
over their miseries and insist on being
wet blankets , they fully deserve un
popularity and loneliness. New York
Daily News.
The Tired Business Woman.
You do not have to be a business
woman to get tired. But the woman
of the oflice and the shop has more
cause than the housekeeper to wear
out in days like these. The' house
keeper can find time for a nap or she
can get into looser riot lung , but the
business woman inu&t light it out as
she is until the end of the day's work.
It is the wear and tear on the nerv
ous energy that is the must trying on
summer days. The tired woman
comes home from the oflice complete
ly fagged out. She has been tired
out all' day , but she feels that she
must keep up her work to do justice
to her employer. This very effort to
keep up her end wears her out more
than any hard work would do. She
comes home often with nerves alert ,
with every faculty pitched to the
highest strain. She Iwuls she cannot
rest. Through the long hours of the
night she rolls and tosses , a victim of
insomnia , and sle wakes up after she
does fall asleep , tired and worn out.
The woman who ib employed must
get a good night's sleep. And for this
a London physician advises a tepid
bath and a cup of cocoa. lie also ad
vises very light calisthenics. And he
advises the business woman not to go
to bed early , but to stay up uniil she
is sleepy , be it 11 o'clock or later. Go
ing to bed too early is very bad.
Very often the tired woman will fal
asleep right after her dinner , only to
awaken at midnight and pass the rest
of the night in agony. This is worry.
She should light off this desire to sleep
until she is so tired that when she
does fall asleep she will not awaken
until early morning. The worn-out
woman should be very careful about
her diet This is such an important
topic that it must be left to another
time for discussion.
In the best sanitariums in Germany
tliej' ruu nervous patients with cocoanut -
nut butter , so as to give them back
some of their natural oils. They rub
skin foods into the body and make the
invalid strong by alcohols , by oils and
by simple medicines which are taken
into the system through the cuticle
and not into the stomach.
The tired-out oflice woman , or the
business woman , or the professional
woman for all come under the same
class of worn-out brain workers-
should take a very mild sedative. It
need not be anything stronger than
catnip tea or a very light dose of
some soothing bromide powder , or
something that could be given to any
baby. But it will act upon the nerves ,
quieting them and soothing them into
that first sweet slumber which leads
to a long , restful sleep. Exchange.
Men Are Vain , She Says.
Masculine vanity is a mighty thing
here in Philadelphia. A girl who
; omes from the sunny South shocked a
crowd of women at an afternoon tea
the. other day by complaining that no
man in Philadelphia had "ever told
her he loved her. "
"Why why , my dear , " said the hos
tess , "you've only been here two
weeks. "
The Southern girl opened her brown
syes very wide at that.
"But , " she protested , "they tell me
they love me every day down home ,
[ t's awfully uncomplimentary to be
ifraid to tell a girl you love her , for
fear she will take you seriously , don't
roil think ? The trouble with the men
ip here is that they all set such a high ,
narket value on the girls that they are
iontiuually paralyzed with fear lest
rou take them seriously and get your
iieart broken. Now , down home a
nan wouldn't presume to think you
ivere going to take him seriously , even
f he knew it , " and with this logical
conclusion she flaunted out of the
oem amidst a chorus of exclama-
JO11S.
"I wish I had that girl's conceit , "
; aid one woman as she looked after
ier. Philadelphia Evening Telegraph.
Horrors of
And yet It is a fact that dishwashing
s the one great irksome fact of house-
vork. It makes the wife determined
hat she will have a servant , and
uakes the servant hate to be one.
Dishes and knives and forks are the
jreat curse of our modern civiliza-
ion. Without them there would be
10 servant girl question ; there never
vas one before they were introduced ,
i. Society for the Abolition of Dishes
night do a good deal to abolish the
icrvant girl question.
Fervaiits Asrain.
Mrs. Houskeep It's almost impossi-
) le to get a servant girl these days.
LOU'VC got to keep telling them what
hey must do , and even then they
vou't stay.
Mrs. Takt Gracious , no ! I only man-
ige to keep them by constantly tell-
ug them what they are respectfully
equested to do. Philadelphia Press.
Chile sells Germany $18,030,1)00
rorth of nitrate of soda annually ,
ise in fertilizers.
'
-EWER CHILDREN BORN NOW.
Small bnt Steady Decrease in the Size
of American Families.
Not the old-fashioned board , at the
lead of which sat the father and at
he foot of which sat the mother , with
lie sugar bowl in her lap to prevent
ncursions from childish fingers ,
lanked on either side by a row of
hildren with shining faces and eager
Ippetites ; not the family table from
.vhich the children took turns In
'waiting" when the grandparents
seats temporarily at
ame to occupy
he board or when other "company"
ame ; not the table at which 'la bless
ing" was asked three times daily for
503 days in each year , at which chil-
Iren were taught to mind their man-
aers and wait until their elders were
jerved.
The family table , popular at this
compiled by the
ime , Is one of figures
areful statistician. It concerns the al-
eged decreasing size of families and ia
tprejul : i' ' ' wise :
Average siza
of family
1SSO. iyi)0.
N'ew E.i.- , i..I " "I'o j'a
S'ew York 4.J * . *
Pennsylvania > * _
"
outh Atlantic States > - "
?
'Indiana '
llinois 5.1 * '
Uirfiisan
Wisconsin : J"J
\Einnesota : > - - * *
owa * 2 4' „
r .4 4.i
Vortli Dakota 4.3 4.U
? outh Dakota 4. . ° , 4.8
Nebraska ' * -1 4-S
Kansas , 5.0 4.6
There is a scanting of average in
this , it is true , but it is not very se
rious. Not so serious , indeed , but that
inyone holding this table in his hand
and watching the children pour out
Df any one of a number of schoolhouses -
houses in any city in the land is able
to subdue his apprehension that the
race , from lack of recruiting agencies ,
! s likely to run out. According to this
table , New England does not show
either the largest decrease in ten years
101- the smallest average size of fam
ilies. In point of fact , this decrease
,11 New England is but two-thirds of
I per cent a decrease in quantity
that , if it is not made up in quality ,
much educational effort has been
wasted in the-past decade. In New
i'ork the decrease is live-tenths of 1
per cent ; " in Pennsylvania , three-
tenths ; in Ohio , six-tenths ; in In-
a'ana , seven-tenths ; in Michigan , live-
tenths ; in AVisconsin , three-tenths ; in
Iowa , six-tenths ; in Missouri , seven-
tenths ; in Kansas ; four-tenths.
That Is to say , the average size of
families in New England is larger
hau in New York , Ohio , Indiana and
Michigan , and equal to that in Iowa
ind Kansas. This reckoning repre
sents a labored process , but it Is rela
tively valueless. It includes all races
and conditions , and has no bearing
ipon the relative size of families of
eng establishment in the country , and
hose of later immigration. It is a
ncdern family table , nothing more.
Vnyone good at figures and diligent in
lelving into census returns can spread *
t , and all who are curious or apprejar
n
'tensive ' in the matter can come to it *
ind go away satisfied that the Amer-
can family is not rapidly dying out.
Portland Oregonian.
Discovered the Secret.
He is a young man with a blase air ,
who would not let anything surprise
lira for the world. As a matter of
act , he has traveled enough about
.he States to .be impervious to sur
prise. The other night was the ex
ception , for when the young man
aoarded the train which was to take
rim to New York he found himself
> n a compartment sleeper.
The young man knows about buck-
ng brouchos and how to eat aspara
gus vinaigrettes , and what is the prop-
> r thing to say when you tread on a
i woman's gown , but he didn't know
ibout compartment sleepers , for he
jad never been in one before.
He was very much attracted by the
n-ospect , however , and he looked
> ver the ground with great satisfaction
) efore getting ready to retire.
"This beats an upper berth all hol-
ow , " he muttered to himself.
Then , the porter passing near , he
called to that functionary. "Come
lere , " said he , "and tell me how to
urn this on , " pointing to a handle in
he wall near the wash stand. "I have
entirely forgotten how to screw the
hing , and I'll be sure to want it in
he morning. "
The porter came as near smiling as
L porter ever does. "Yessir , " said he ;
yessir , yo' turn hit on dis way. Hit's
lot a water spickett , yo' know ; hit's
L place to heat curling irons. "
And after this the sophisticated
oung man went straight to bed , but
ie tells the joke on himself with much
; lee. Baltimore News.
Must lie Euteii.
A gentleman who
was visiting some
riends in New York noticed that the
ittle girl In the family was eatin
ome new sort of cereal preparation !
Lccording to the New York Times shg
'
eemed to eat , as Americans are 'said
o take their pleasures , sadly
"Don't you like that , my dear ? " in ,
luired the friend.
Xot pertic'ly , " replied the little
"It's got to be eaten , " she answered ,
ravely. "The rroceryman
gives mam.
ia a rag doll for every two packagea
ft !
l