THE VALENTINE DEA10CRA1
I. it KICK. Tub i.lier.
YALENTINE , - NEBRASKA.
The hardest woman co please is the
one who doesn't know what she wants.
It takes a clever woman to make the
story of her aches and pains interest
ing.
The man who doesn't think he has
the smartest baby on earth has no
baby.
The matter of regulating the trusts
would be simplified greatly if all the
good trusts had strawberry marks.
J. Plerpont Morgan is said to have
been very proficient in mathematics as
a schoolboy. And he has been figuring
ever since.
A woman at the head of the greatest
gun factories in the world will make
the former references to the timid and
gentle sex a trifle uncalled for.
To become really popular the School
of Domestic Arts and Sciences should
teach how to incorporate poison with
candy so as to avoid the detection.
A woman in the PostofHce Depart
ment at Washington gave up her hus
band rather than lose her job. Hus
bands can be obtained without a civil
service examination.
Take one young man with several
unnecessary , expensive habits , .and
one young woman who is lazy , careless
and wasteful , and we have a good rec
ipe for either continuous poverty or
speedy divorce.
A Kansas Jury has established a
precedent which may have a bad ef
fect upon brutal husbands. A man
who had been arrested for beating his
wife was acquitted on the ground that
the wife deserved the whipping.
Carnegie denies the report that he
is going to give his little daughter a
$2,500,000 house. He says he doesn't
want the child to get a notion that she
has "great expectations. " Still , it will
be a wonder if somebody doesn't tell
her about it.
It is estimated that the postal cards
used in this country during the past
year would fill 177 freight cars. It
would not be surprising if ral of
them got through without g read
except by the persons to Aviioin they
were addressed.
Fate does not seem inclined to re
spect the Salic law in Russia or in
Italy. Instead of providing male heirs
to the throne of the Czar and of the
King , it has supplied Nicholas with
four daughters and ne'er a son , and re
cently it gave to Victor Emmanuel a
second daughter , when he would have
been delighted with an heir whom he
might .have called the Prince of Rome.
Stone , wood , glass , brick and cinders
have been used for street pavements ,
and now they are experimenting with
steel in New York. Two strips of
steel a foot wide have been laid down
in the middle of a street , for a distance
of a mile , for the use of heavy trucks ,
and the advocates of this kind of sup
plementary paving believe that it will
be generally adopted for streets on
which there is much traffic. They point
to its successful use hi Spain , where
a two-mile stretch of road from Va
lencia to Grao is now kept in order for
little more than one-fifteenth of the
former expense.
What the Spanish authorities believe
to be the ashes of Christopher Colum
bus were deposited in a special mau
soleum in Seville last month. They
are the ashes Vhich were removed
from the cathedral in Santo Domingo
and taken to Havana after the Spanish
ceded the island In 1795. When Cuba
ceased to be Spanish territory the
ashes were carried to Spain. The people
ple of Santo Domingo insist that the
remains of Columbus still rest in their
cathedral , and that when , in the eigh
teenth century , the Spaniards removed
the sarcophagus , they took the one
which contained the body of the eldest
son of the explorer. That their claim
is well founded was conclusively
ghown by F. A. Ober in an account of
his investigations into the subject for
the Columbian Exposition. Aside from
the merits of the controversy , there is
something tragic in the determination
of the Spanish in their progressive re
treat from their American empire to
carry back with them what they be
lieve to be the body of the man who
opened that empire to them.
If we are to sterilize the mouth ;
pieces of telephones , every day , to kill
the bacteria and prevent infection , and
ore to scrub the door knobs every day
for the same reason , why not be con
sistent and go on scrubbing and scrub
bing everything with which we come
in contact ? If these bacteria innst be
cleaned out once a day , why not once
an hour , or once a mlnuto ? The pes
tiferous things are apt to get hi any
second. Of course , everybody knows
that drinking water must be not only
.boiled , but distilled. We have all often
enough been warned that handshak
ing is dangerous and kissing deadly.
All of which warning we have all duly
observed , of course. Now , after hav
ing long and virtuously refrained from
water as God made it and from the
other enticements , it Is hard to be In
formed by the bacteriologists that we
still are in momentary danger from
microbes unless we scrub , scrub , scrub.
And when we get used to the scrub ,
bing and learn to look upon it as a
matter of course instead of a hardship ,
may not the microbes steal anotltex
march upon us through the scrub
brush ? Maybe we shall have to ter-
ilize the soap and then sterilize the
sterilizer. Bacteriologists are insatia
ble. They never know where to stop.
Hut their demands , if fully acceded to
would leave us no time to make a liv
ing. It would be scrub , scrub with us
all the time. And while saving our
selves from death from microbes , w < -
would die of starvation. The farmer ,
instead of plowing , would put in all
his time killing the microbes on hia
plow handles ; the butcher , instead ol
killing beef , would never cease to scour
his knife and cleaver , and there would
be nothing produced to eat. This sorj
of thing may very easily be carried too
far. The bacteriologists must learn to
draw the line somewhere. We shall
soon become as ridiculous as the old
Salemites in the days of witchcraft.
Since the first of 1902 nearly 30,000
emigrants have moved from the TJnit-
ed States over-into Canada. The Ca
nadian Minister of the Interior esti
mates the land bought in Canada bj
Americans at about 10,000,000 acres.
This sounds big , and England is stirred
up accordingly. The English Econom
ic Review treats it as a grave question
The Americanization of Canada at this
rate is feared to be a matter of but a
fevr years. All of which only Illus
trates the English ignorance of Cana
dian conditions. Ten million acres is
a lot of land , but it does not seem , s
much , compared with the 35,000,000 il
Manitoba , the 50,000,000 farther wesl
In Assiniboia , the 60,000,000 north of
Assiniboia in Saskatchewan , and the
00,000,000 west of both Assiniboia and
Saskatchewan , in Alberta. Here are
205,000,000 acres still open to settle
ment. There is plenty of room in the
great Canadian wheat lands for all
comers. Of course , if the English and
Scotch do not eater upon these lands ,
the ever-alert American Is bound to do
so. The American land company nevi
has an option upon 2,000,000 acres ia
Ontario. The article in the English
Economic Review lays stress upon the
fact that American emigrants go into
Canada thoroughly imbued with the
Monroe doctrine and determined to be
come the controlling political quantity.
This , of course , is merely nightmare.
As a matter of fact , few American
farmers of the class that are- going to
Canada know or care anything about
the Monroe doctrine. They are going
there to build homes , to develop the
laud and to make money. None would
be so amazed as themselves to learr
that England is excited in the appre
hension that they are political agt
tators they who have more concern
for their crops than for all the poll-
tics in the world. It is not a political
conquest of Canada by the Americans
that England needs to fear. It is an
industrial and commercial conquest.
ALARM TO WAKEN THE DEAF.
Of Course They Do Not Hear It , bu
Slumber Takes Its Flight.
An alarm clock for deaf mutes is the
novel invention of Elza Cretzer , a dea
mute In the employ of the Washoe
smelting plant , who resides at 15 Birch
street , says the Anaconda Standard ,
Ho\v to awake at a certain hour has
long been a problem among these un
fortunate people , and in Mr. Cretzer'i
invention the solution has been found
Of course , the ordinary alarm cloels
has been useless. Mr. Cretzer , who li
an ingenious fellow , is a water and
flume tender at the Washoe smelter
His work necessitates his rising at ar
early hour in the morning , and as j
has no means of awakening he has lost
many days of work by being late. H
accordingly set about inventing an ap
paratus by which he could always b <
on tune.
The dropping of a pillow on thi
sleeping person is the awakening agent
and it is operated so that the pillow
Ealls at the desired time. An ordinary
alarm clock is placed in a cigar boa
which fits it closely. It is then nailed
Lo the. wall at the head of the bed. A
string connects the clapper of the alarm
ilock with an ordinary spring mouse
trap fastened to the top of the cigui
jox. By a system of small pulleys and
; crew eyes a pillow is fastened to the
md of a string and pulled to the ceil-
ng directly above the bed. An ingen.
ous arrangement connects the othei
jud of the string to the mouse trap
rhe clock is set , and when the alarm
joes off the string attached to the bel'i i\
tapper springs the mouse trap and re '
eases the pillow , which drops on thi .
> ersons sleeping in the bed beneath '
'When it does not hit me it hits mj J !
vife , " Mr. Cretzer wrote on a piece ol °
> aper , "and so I never miss a day anj
nore. "
Picture Gallery of Stone Age.
A picture gallery that dates from tb
tone age has been unearthed in a car
frn near Eyzies , France. The pictures
irhlch are all of prehistoric animala
nrere not only cut in the rocks , as ii
isually the case with such represents
ions , but were painted in several col-
rs , and gives some evidence of thi
irtistie skill. There were eighty pic-
ures , of which forty-nine represem
isons of various kinds. The pigmenti
ised , which are shades of red and 1
> rown , have been found , on analysis
y Molssan , the eminent French chem-
st , to be ochres mixed with minutt Hl
" *
ragments of transparent silica. '
If you yawn when out in companj
t Indicates that you are really In sucl
'
lemand In society that you haven't
leen able to get to bed before mid
tight in a week.
It is the average woman's wall thai
vhen she is sick she has to craw !
ro Hd aad wait o herself. I
Ancient and Modern Ideas on the Subject.
Time and Disease the Effacing Agents
of Beauty , What Has Science Done
to Restore the Liiy and the Rose ?
Socrates called beanty a short-lived
tvranny , Plato a privilege of nature ,
TlieonTitus a delightful prejudice ,
TheophnisMis n , sil > ntchear , Carneades
a solitary kingdom. Homer a glorious
gift of naMire , Ovid a favor of the
g-tds. Aristotle aillrmed that beauty
was better than all the letters of recom
mendation in Urn world , undyctixmc
of these distinguished authorities luw
left us even a , hint of how beauty is to
be perpetuated , or the ravages of : igo
and disease defied. Time soon blends
the lily and the rose into the pallor of
age , disease dots the fair face with
cutaneous distluaf.'illuuri and crimsons
the Roman nose with unsightly flushes ,
moth , if not rust , corrupts the jilory
of eyes , teeth , and lips yet beautiful by
defacing the complexion , and fills the
sensitive soul with agony unspeakable.
If such be the unhappy coiit > i ion of
ono afflii-ted with sliizht skin blemishe. " ,
what must be thu feelings o ! those in
whom torturing h' mors have for
years run riot , covering the skin with
scales and sores and charging tlm
blood with poisonous elements to
become a part of the system until
death ? It is vain to attempt to por-
iray such suffering. Death in many
cases iniirht be considered a blessing.
The blood and fluids seem to be im
pregnated with a fiery element which ,
when discharged through the pores
upon the surface of tan body , inflames
and burns until , in his efforts for relief ,
the patient tears the skin witli bis
nails , and not until the blood flows
does sufficient relief come to cause him
to desist.
Thus do complexional defects merge
into torturing disease , and piqued van
ity give plice to real suffering. A
little wart on the nose or cheek grows
to the all-devouring lupus , a patch of
tetter on the palm of the band or on
the limbs suddenly envelops the body
in its fiery embrace , a bruise on the leg
expands into a gnawing ulcer , which
reaches out its fangs , tothe sufferer's
heart in every paroxvsm of pain , a
small kernel in the neck multiplies into
a dozen , which eat away the vita.ity ,
great pearl-like scales crow from little
rash-like inflammations in such abun
dance as to pass credulity ; and so on
may we depict the sufferings to which
poor human nature is subject , all of
which involve great mental distress
because of personal disfigurations.
If there were not another external
disease known , eczema alone would bo
a sufficient infliction on mankind. It
pervades all classes , and descends im
partially through geuerations. While
some are constantly enveloped in it ,
others have it confined to small
patches iu the ears , on the scalp , on
the breast , on the palms of the hands ,
on the limbs , etc. , but everj'where its
distinctive feature is 2 , MiiaH watery
blister , which discharges an acrid
fluid , causing heat , inflammation , and
intense itching , lling-worm , tetter ,
sculled head , dandruff belong to this
scaly and itching order of diseases.
Psoriasis , our modern leprosy , with
its mother-of-pearl scale , situated on
a reddened base , which bleeds upon
the removal of the scale , is to be
dreaded aud avoided , as of old. Im
petigo , barber's itch , erysipelas , and a
score of minor disorders make up in
part the catalogue of external diseases
of the skin. Thus far we have made
no allusion to those afflictions which
are manifestly impurities of the blood ,
viz. : swelling of the glands of the
throat , ulcers on the neck and limbs ,
tumors , abscesses , and mercurirj
poisons , with loss of hair , because
the whole list can be comprehended in
the one word scrofula.
It is in the treatment of torturing ,
disfiguring humors and affections of
the skin , sealp , and blood , with loss of
hnir , that the Cuticura remedies have
achieved their greatest success. Orig
inal in composition , scientifically com
pounded , absolutely pure , unchangeable
in any climate , always ready , and agree
able to the most delicate and sensitive ,
they present to young and olil the most
successful curative of modern times.
This will be couside ed strong language
by those acquainted with the character
and obstinacy of blood and skin humors
but It is justified by innumerable suc
cesses where all the remedies and meth
ods in vogue have failed to cure , and , "
in many cases , to relieve , even.
The Cuiicura treatment is at once
agreeable , speedy , economical , and
comprehensive. Bathe the affected
parts freely with hot water and Cuti
cura soap , to cleanse the sur ace of
crusts and scales , and soften the
thickened cuticle. Dry , without hard
rubbing , aud apply Cuticura Ointment
AVill Accept the Peril
Harold Godwin will rebuild the
'illiam ' Cullen Bryanb house at Ros-
'n on the lines of the \iriginal struc-
ire , which was burned a few weeks
50 There will be no attempt to re-
reduce the exact interior.
Basket making employs half a
lillion persons in Germany , where
ie wages range from 18 shillings to
pounds weekly for skilled workers.
sicuiii Vaseline
Put Up in Collapsible Tubes *
A Subititute for and Superior to Mustard or any
her plaster , and will not blister the nest delicate
: n. The pain allaying and curative qualities o !
Is Article are wonderful. It will stop the tooth-
he at once , and relieve headache ana sciatica.
We recommend it as the best and safest extern * !
rr.te-irr.fac.t. ! Jinown. a'jnas ineiter/iAi raw *
lit poluu In the cheat and stomach and U
zminatj } , neuralgic And goaty complaint * .
A. tiLil vlll prove what we claim for It , and it
ill be focnd to be invaluable in the honiehold.
any people say "It Is the best of all your prenv
tions , "
Price 15 cents , at all druggists , or other dealer * ,
by sending this amount to us in postage stampi ,
* will send you a tube by mall.
No article should be accepted by the public nm >
is the same carries our label , as otherwise it 10
't genuine.
CHESEBROUGH MANUFACTURING CO ,
17 SUte St. , New York City.
N. U. NO. 579-8 YORK , NEB
to allay itching , irritation , and inflam
mation , and soothe and heal , and , lastly ,
take Cuticura Resolvent , to cool and
cleanse the blood. This treatment af
ford < ins ant relief , permits rest and
sleep in the severest forms of eczema
aud other itching , burning , and scaly
humors , and points toaspeedyperma
nent , and economical cure of torturing ,
disfiguring hnmors , eczemas , rashes ,
and inflammations , from infancy to
ae , when all other remedies and the
.best physicians fail. The remedies con
stituting the Cuticura bystem will repay
an individual scrutiny of their remark
able properties.
rmieur.i ; Soap contains in a modified
form the medicinal properties of Cuti
cura Ointment , tlie great skin cure and
purest and sweetest of emollients , com
bined with the most delicate aud re
freshing of flower odors. It purifies
and invigorates the pores of the skin ,
and imparts activity to the oil glands
and tubes , thus furnishing an outlet
for unwholesome matter , which if re
tained would cause pimples , black
heads , rashes , oily , mothy skin , and
other complexional disfigurations , as
well as scalp affections and irritations ,
falling hair , and baby rashes. I" ? gen
tle and continuous action on llu i ural
lubricators of the skin keeps tlie latter
transparent , soft , flexible , and healthy.
Hence its constant use , assisted by an
occasional use of Cuticura Ointment ,
realizes the fairest complexion , the
softest , whitest hands , and the most
luxuriant , glossy hair within the do
main of the most advanced scientific
knowledge to supply.
Cuticura Ointment is the most fuc-
cessfnl external curative for torturing ,
disfiguring humors of the &km and
scalp , including los of hair , in proof
of which a single anointing \\ith it ,
preceded by a hot bath \\ith Cutiiura
Soap , and followed in the severer cases
by u full dose of Cuticnra Resolvent , is
sufficient to afford immediate relief in
the most distressing forms of itching ,
burning , and scaly humors , permit rest
and sliep , and point to a speedy cure
when all other rem < dies fail. It is e-pe-
cially so in the treatment of infants
and children , cleansing , soothing , and
lu-aling the most distn ssing of infan
tile humors , and preserving , purifying ,
and beautifying the skiu , scalp , und
hair.
hair.Cuticura
Cuticura Ointment possesses , at the
same time , the charm of satisfying
the simple wants of the toilet of all
ages , in carii g for the skin , scalp ,
hi4r , and hands far more effectually ,
agreeably , and economically than the
most expensive of toilet emollients ,
while free from every ingredient of a
doubtful or dangerous character. Its
" One Nluht Treatment of the Hands , " '
or " Single Treatment of the Hair , " or
use after athletics , cycling , golf , ten
nis , riding , sparring , or any sport , each
in connection with the use of Cnticura
Soap , is sufficient evidence of this.
Of all remedies for the purification
of the blood and circulating fluids , none
approaches in specific medical action
Cuticura Resolvent. It neutralizes and
resolves away ( hence its name ) scrofu
lous , inherited , and other hnmors in
the blood , which give rise to swellings
of the glands , pains in the bones , and
torturing , disfiguring emotions of the
skin and scalp , with loss of hair.
Cuticura Resolvent extends its puri
fying influence by means of the pores
to the surface of the skin , allaying
irritation , inflammation , itching , and
burning , and soothing and healing.
Hence its success in the treatment of
distressing humors of the skin , scalp ,
and blood"with loss of hair , which fail
to be permanently cured by external
remedies alone.
The grandest testimonial that can
be offered Cuticura remedies is their
world-wide sale , due to the personal
recommendations of those who have
used them. It is difficult to realize the
mighty growth of the business done
under this name. From a small begin
ning in the simplest form , against prej
udice and opp jsition , against mouied
hosts , countless rivals , and trade iu-
diflerence , Cuticum remedies have be
come the greatest curatives of their
time , and , in fact , of all time , for no.
where in the history of medicine is
to be found another approaching them
in popularity and sale. In every clime
and with every people they have met
with the same reception. The confines
of the earth are the only limiis to their
growth. They have conquered the
world.
To the test of popular judgment all
things mundane must finally come.
The civilized world has rendered its
verdict in favor of Cuticura. '
Will Build Historic Structure.
U be treasurer of the United States
says there may be some peril in the
inflow of gold but it will be hard to
convince any single Individual that
it can cotue his way in too large
juantities.
To Send Missionaries to Philippines. " ?
Episcopal laymen , including J.
EMerpont Morgan and Senator Hanna ,
WAM00F
Made n black or jrdlw for all kinds
of w t wp-k. On sale evuywhere.
Look for ths 5in of th Piih.wd
the name TOWER on the buttons.
A J.rontR ca.tesTeii.H uu l *
TOWIK CAXUIAM 8fc l < .TiI3 CTO.tAa.
GREGORY'S
For iO yeiri too g1 P % O
itindird for nilv3 EB En tJ % 9
ility. Alwaji the best , few eatiJognr free.
J. 11. Grccory JSt Son , Ifarblekead ,
"Apropos of the recent death of
'ihomaa Nast , the cartoonist , " said the
Doctor , "I am reminded that I have
at hsme Nast's double-page picture rep
resenting the grief of the nation over
the death of Lincoln. It was a mag
nificent emblamatic picture , published
without title or line of explanation.
In the center was the coffin , marked
'Lincoln , ' and bonding over it the fig
ure of'Columbia. To the right , in the
upper corner , was the figure of a sol
dier , with head bowed and. face half
hidden , and in the left corner the fig
ure of an army officer who had thrown
himself down in utter despair.
"I kept the picture because of that
officer's figure. The dropping of the
arms , the drooping head , and nerve
less body , expressed so truly my own
feeling when Iheard of Lincoln's death
that It seemed to me Nast had put him
self in the soldier's place , and I have the
picture now , as well as the ones that
came later , emblematic of the victory
won by the army and navy and. the
dawn of peace. It is a mistake to say
that Nast waited until his later years
to give his idea of Lee's surrender.
He gave it at the time of the surren
der.
"In his double-page picture 'Blessed
Are the Peacemakers , ' he drew on one
side Christ's entry into Jerusalem on
Palm Sunday and on the other the
surrender of Lee. In the latter Grant
dominated the scene , and standing in
the center of the picture seemed taller
than Lee and the more stately figure.
[ know that Nast clung tenaciously to
this idea , even when talking to Con
federate officers , and that in his large
painting he followed , the lines marked
out in the cartoon of April , 1865 ,
'Blessed Are the Peacemakers. ' "
"I have one of Nast's pictures , " said
the Sergeant , "a little one published
early in 1SG5 , when Lincoln was at
City Point. The President is seated
on a stump , with his long legs stretch
ed out to their full length and supportIng -
Ing a drum , on which the President is
writing a note to Stanton , saying : 'All
seems well with us. ' Under the pic
ture was the line 'Prom Our Regular
Correspondent. ' The picture was the
more timely because at that time the
War Department was publishing for
the information of the people the Pres
ident's brief notes from the front. The
cartoon was very satisfying to the
boys in the army , for just then things
were indeed going very well with us.
"Nast never made a war scene as any
other artist would have made it , and
he always wanted to be first with an
idea. Several times he was fretted
because the slow work on Harper's
Weekly made it appear that some of
his cartoons , prepared days before ,
were not unlike those appearing about
the same time in the daily newspapers.
In 1872 he prepared a cartoon in which
Horace Greeley was represented as go
ing down into a pit crowded with the
Democratic issues he had opposed and
leaders he had abused. On the day
that the cartoon was published , D.
R. Locke , published in the Toledo
Blade a Nasby letter elaborating , the
same idea.
"Nasby took Greeley down among
the ghosts of his old political affilia
tions and described in his way the
scene which Nast pictured. There
were two greatly disturbed men that
3ay Nast , fearing that the public
would jump to the conclusion that he
had stolen his idea from Nasby and
the latter fearing that Nast and the
public would believe he had borrowed
his idea from the cartoonist. A com
parison of notes and dates , however ,
showed the two men had been workIng -
Ing on the idea for two weeks , and
that the suggestion came to each about
the same time. But as Nasby was
wont to remark , neither one of them
: ould prove it to the satisfaction of the
public. " j
"I was present , " said the Colonel ,
'at the meeting in 1879 , at which Genti
jral Thomas L. Grittenden of our old
: orps presented to Nast , in tin name
) f 3,500 array and naval officers , as n
estimonial of their regard , a loving
: up shaped like a canteen. At that
neeting It was clear that not a few
Confederates had a liking for Nast , °
me of Mosby's men saying to me that
last's pictures of rebel guerrillas were
he real boys , and they forgave him
°
ils bitterness because of the fine
e
ipirit he put into men and horses. "
"That reminds me , " said the Cap-
ain , "of an unusual experience with
erne of Mosby's men. I was in hos-
ital in Washington July , ISGi , when
C <
ubal Early made his raid on the cap-
tal and a little later I started to re-
urn to my command in the Shenan-
ioah valley. When we reached the
r
nd of the railroad from Harper's fer-
y to Winchester we had to take am-
iulances and horses to reach the front.
was a little slow in leaving the car al
nd as there was no room for me in la
be ambulance myself and comrade , at :
luch against our will , took horses and atSt
ode off.
"This saved us , because Mosby's St [
icn raided onr line that night and
co
very man in the ambulance was re- so
orted killed. This led * o retaliation
n Sheridan's part , who shot some of
Eosby's men , and Mosby in turn shot
> me of Sheridan's men held as prig-
oners. Affev the war. I met the Cap
tain who in one case carried out
Mosby's orders to hang fifteen pris
oners. He told me that on his way to-
the scene of execution one of the pris
oners appealed to him because of some-
mystic tie , which he didn't explain , ,
and another , a 'mere boy. because he-
was the only son of a widowed mother , ,
his father having been killed earlier
in the war.
"In the course of the march the Cap
tain met other squads of Mosby's men
with prisoners , and privately effected
an exchange , letting his Masonic
friend and the boy go forward to the
ordinary fortunes of war and taking-
the unoffending substitutes to certain
death. My Confederate Captain al
ways insisted that the ambulance was
flred upon by Mosby's men because
the driver would not halt when or
dered to , and at the urging of those
inside tried to escape. He didn't de
fend the retaliatory measures , but
thought his unauthorized exchange of
prisoners right. " Chicago Inter-
Ocean.
Not That Kind of a Staff.
"Did you ever hear , " asked one of
"Black Jack's" men , "how General Lo
gan once met his match right here in
Chicago ? It was just before the cap
ture of Savannah , and General Logan
and three members of his staff went
down to the railroad station to take the
train for the East on his way to rejoin
his command.
"The General , walking a little ahead
of his staff officers , started to enter a.
car. but was stopped by an Iris.h at
tendant.
' "You'll not be goln' in there , ' said
the Irishman to the General.
"STICK YEB STAFF OUT THE
' "And why not ? " said General Lo
gan.
" 'Because"that's '
that's a leddies' car aud
no man'll be goin' in there widout a
leddy. There's wan seat left in the
nixt car there you kin have ef ye
want it. '
" 'Yes , I see there's one seat vacant ,
but where will I put my staff ? "
" 'Bother yere staff , ' answered the
Irishman , 'go you aud take the seat
and stick yere staff out of the windy. ' "
Chicago Tribune.
A Remarkable Incident.
When the war broke out a young
man named Roberts , living in Dodge-
ville , Wis. , joined a company com
manded by Captain Thomas Allen ,
which afterward Incorporated in the
Second Wisconsin Volunteers , and was
present at the battle of Bull Run.
The intelligence came to young Rob
erts' family that he was slain upon the
mattlefield , and his body left to be
buried by the victorious enemy. This
news nearly killed his affectionate
mother , and she and all the family
went into mourning for the patriotic
pouth. Four long months the family
lamented the dead. What then could
lepict their unspeakable astonishment
when , six months after the battle , the
roung man entered the door of his
lome , hearty and well.
Briefly told , his story was this :
He had been left severely wounded
vith many others on the battlefield.
Uiter the fight was over and his
riends retreated , a Confederate sol-
lier , supposing Roberts dead , began
o rifle his pockets. The Yankee re-
rived , and objected to this where-
ipon the man returned the article he
lad taken and gave him a drink. Then
ie had the wounded foe carried to a
lospital , where he was cared for un-
il completely restored to health , af-
er which he was sent to Libby Prison.
Ie had tried to get a letter to his
aether , but without success. When ,
t length , he was exchanged he made
is way to Dodgeville without delay ,
rhere for many a day he was looked
n as one who had risen from the dead.
There's the Hub.
Wiseman Here's an account of an-
iher hunter lost in the woods. Ev-
ry hunter should carry a pocket com-
ass.
Dumley Why , how would that help
Wiseman Help him to get out , of
ourse. The needle of the compass al-
rays points to the north -
Dumley Ah ! but suppose he wanted
y go to the east , south or
Catholic Standard and Times.
Incredible.
Telegraph Editor Here's a dispatch
bout a thief that broke into a house
st night and ttole an acordion valued
$100. Better head it "Strange
tory ? "
Night Editor No , head it "Two
range Stories" first , that any ac-
irdion was ever valued at $100 ; and , ,
icoud , that anybody on earth would
er want to steal IL Chicago Trlb-
ie.
Tcrreuce , the dramatist , -pros & S * T .
