miJEWELLEOlTALISMAN
CAVALIER !
CHAPTER XVIII.
It was two hours after midnight when
Falkland trimmed the lamp , stirred up
the fire and sat down before it. He had ,
us agreed between him and Corkle the
i-veji'ing ' previous , sent Redding , his valet ,
to the Jew's , : md us he had not yet re
turned lio had reason to believe that there
had been no romissness on the part of
jiis confederate. He looked anxious ,
pale and haggard , and started at every
noise. At last , light and cautious foot-
Meps wenheard in the passage. Then
came three low knocks at his door.
"It is CorkleV signal , " said lie , rising.
Neither of them spoke till Corkle had
entered and the door was again .secured.
"IVe heen waiting for you , what has
Foomod to me an age , " Falkland then
paid. "How does the business prosper ? "
"Well. "
"Redding is he cured of his curios
ity ? "
"Yes , and his silence secured , if the
euro and the curiosity can be effected by
cold steel. "
"May I dare venture abroad ? * '
"Dare you venture abroad ! " repeated
Corkle , in n sneering tone. "Yes , if you
wouldn't draw suspicion on yourself. "
"But it seems to me that everybody I
meet will read the deed I've consented to
in my eye. " t
"You think that sitting mewed up here
all day will carry with it an air of inno
cence ? You are mistaken. 'Twill be the
reverse of that. "
"I wish T hadn't meddled with the mat
ter. The least sound startles me. Not
long before you came the noise made by
a half-starved rat , as I afterward found
it to be , nibbling at some bones I'eddiug
left by his plate when he ate his supper ,
made a cold sweat start to my forehead' "
"You thought it was his ghost , I sup
pose ; but as giving boues a second pick
ing was a piece of economy lie would
have despised when living , you might
have been certain he wouldnt have taken
to it after he was dead. "
"I wish I could carry as light a .heart
iu my bosom as you do. Hark ! Didn't
you hear a noise ? There are footsteps
on the stairs ; they are bringing the body
here. "
"There you are mistaken. It hasn't
beou found yet. "
"Not found ? "
"Of course not. How could it be seen
In the dark ? Come , it is time that you
were abroad , making loud and earnest in
quiries for your valet. "
"His name would stick in my throat
like Macbcth's amen. "
' 'Ray that you sent him to the Jew to
pay a hundred pounds , and haven't seen
him since. "
" \Vas the body left there ? "
"Whore do you mean ? "
% "In the little dark court you spoke of. "
"Yes , and the bond you had the good
luck to get hold of in the morning is lying
close by. It cannot fail to be seen. "
"And suspicion will fall on the Jew ? "
"There can be no doubt of it. "
"I would that it might he otherwise.
He never did me any harm. "
"You should have thought of that be
fore. There's no help for it now , unless
you feel disposed to shift the burden of
the crime on to your own shoulders , or it
may be on to mine. But l"vo a way to
manage that , and you won't dare do it. "
"I shu'n't attempt it. "
They proceeded in the direction of the
Jew's house. Before it was fairly light
the Jew had been left alone with his
household. Mizar opened the shop door ,
when the ground , only a few steps dis
tant , drew his attention. On examination
tho appearance of the muddy soil showed
that some heavy weight had been dragged
along , near the front of the building , and
thence to the entrance of the court to
which Corkle had alluded. He returned
quickly to the shop and made known to
his master what he had soon.
"May heaven forbid. ' * said tho Jew ,
much alarmed , "that the body of a mur
dered person should bo found on my
promises ! It will bring ruin to mo , and
to all under my protection. "
Asoneth had now risen , and as directed
by the Jew , took a lamp and followed
him and Mizar into theourt. . By hold
ing the light close to the ground the
murks wore still traceable. They termi
nated at the further side of the court ,
near a pile of rubbish. There was a
small pool of blood , near the edge of
which lay a piece of folded paper , crum
pled and defaced by many a sanguinary
stain.
On closer inspection they found that
the pile of rubbish had been disturbed ,
and Mizar , in obedience to the command
uf his master , commenced removing a
portion of it , to seo if anything was con
cealed beneath it. He had made but lit
tle progress in his task when he and the
others looked round and beheld several
men standing at the entrance of the
court , one of whom they knew to be a
magistrate.
"I arrest all three of you , in the king's
name , " said he , advancing towards them.
"For what reason ? " said the Jew.
"You , on a charge of murder , and these ,
your servants , as accomplices. "
"Who accuses me and my innocent ser
vants of so foul a crime ? " demanded the
Jew.
"I am not here to answer questions , "
said he. "but it will bo no harm to tell
you that your accuser is a gentleman by
the name of Gilbert Falkland. "
"And whom does he accuse me of mur
dering ? "
"It is hardly necessary that you should
be told that it is Redding , his valet ,
whom he sent to you last night to dis
charge a debt of a hundred pounds , for
which you hold his bond. "
"I didn't see Keddiug last night , nor
has the debt been paid. "
"What is that you have in your hand ,
old man ? " said one of the constable's as-
ristants.
"I cannot tell. I found it lying on the
ground , and I have not yet had opportu
nity to examine it. "
"I will save you tho trouble , " said the
constable , taking it from him andun
folding it , lie held it to the light. "It is
Gilbert Falkland's , " he added , "which he
gave you for the hundred pounds. "
"That cannot be , " replied the Jew.
" 1't can be , and of itsolf would ho suf
ficient evidence of your guilt. It is plain
that to regain possession of it after it
had boon paid , urged you to commit the
crime. "
"The debt hasn't been paid , and , of
course , I never gave up the bond. "
' 'See for yourself. "
The Jew turned pale as he looked at it ,
for it was , or appeared to be , as the man
had said , a bond for a hundred pounds ,
written by his own hand , and signed by
Gilbert Falkland.
The constable's assistants went busily
to Avork ; some of them overturning the
pile of rubbish , to see if the missing man
was buried beneath it. The only thing
of consequence that rewarded their
search was a piece of velvet , to which
was attached some tarnished gold lace ,
and which the keen eyes of Mizar at once
detected to be of the same color and
quality as a doublet he had seen worn by
Falkland , and which he had probably
transferred to his valet.
"Now , " said the constable , "all three
of you have the privilege of refreshing
yourselves with a morning walk towards
Newgate. "
Just then Edward Elliston made his
appearance. After returning home , he
had discovered that the scarf belonging
to Abi , which he had compelled the ruf
fian who was pursuing her to give up ,
and which , for present security , he had
folded into a small compass and put into
his pocket , was still in his possession.
The Jew looked at him , and emphati
cally pronounced the name of Abi. EJlis-
ton answered only by an expressive look ,
which the Jew rightly interpreted.
Alice and Abi had parted with many
fond regrets , softened by a secret hope
that they should ere long meet again.
Abi , with the opal clasped in her hand ,
which Alice could not be persuaded to
take from her , as soon as she was alone ,
threw herself on a pile of cushions. Her
thoughts dwelt on Harleigh and on Alice ,
though most of all , she hardly knew why ,
oa Edward Elliston. Sleep stole upon
her , in the midst of these her pleasant
musings , and the hours which to him , her
only relative , and to those who had so
faithfully served him and her , were so
full of anguish and fear , were to her , for
a time , like shadows , brightened now and
then with the dawn of a golden dream ,
but soon lost in utter oblivion.
CHAPTER XIX.
A heavy , lumbering coach , drawn by a
pair of sleek , well-conditioHed horses ,
which was moving slowly along one of
the fashionable streets of London , seem
ed to particularly attract the attention
of two men , who for some time had been
lounging at the corner of an alley by
which the street was intersected.
"That's it , " said one of them.
"Are you certain ? " said the other.
"Yes. Don't you see that the body of
the carriage is bottle-green that the
horses are iron-gray , and that there isn't
a speck of gilding about carriage or har
ness ? Anybody might know that it be
longed to a straight-laced Puritan. "
"It is easy enough to tell that , but
there's more than one straight-laced Pur
itan in the city who owns a coach and
two horses. "
"There what do you think now ? "
This question was elicited by the sight
of a young and lovely face which appear
ed at one of the carriage windows.
"I think you are right , " was the an
swer. "Ilusset-Cloak's face is one of
those which is not easily forgotten. "
"You understand your part of the
game ? "
"I am to be on the ground in season
to lend my assistance that is , if you do
your part of the business so that it will
bo needed. "
The other now hastened a few paces
forward , so as to be a little in advance
of the carriage , which was moving at a
snail's pace. The man commenced cross
ing the street , and when directly in front
of the horses , drew a large silk handkerv
chief from his pocket , which , heedlessly
and unwittingly to all appearance , he
flaunted full into the face of one of the
animals , which had the effect to frighten
both. They immediately commenced
plunging and rearing , so as to become to
tally unmanageable , and before any of
the street passengers had time to inter
fere , the carriage struck against the curb
stone , and was overturned with a heavy
crash. At the same moment , the horses ,
with a sudden bound , freed themselves
from the pole of the carriage , and dart
ing madly forward , were almost instantly
out of sight.
A strong , resolute looking countryman ,
who was the first to reach tine broken ve
hicle , with some difficulty forced open the
door There wore two ladies inside , the
one whom the man had called Russet-
Cloak , being young and very lovely , and
will be recognized as Alice Dale ; while
the other , whom the countryman , wiho
had succeeded in opening the door , at .
first sight imagined to be dead , was Mrs.
Elliston. This , too , was tho thought of
Alice , who , though much frightened , had ,
with the exception of a sprained wrist ,
escaped unharmed. By this time , Clar
ence Harleigh had come to their assist
ance , who had seen from the window of
a house close at hand what had hap
pened.
"Alice , are you hurt ? " were his first
words.
He then directed the countryman to as
sist him in carrying Mrs. Elliston to the
house where he had witnessed the disas
ter. t (
"Keep close to us , Alice , " said Har si
leigh. But a man whom he had rebuked
for his ofliciousness had already stepped
in between them , so as to prevent htr
from complying witih his request.
The next moment , the crowd , which
the accident had attracted to the spot ,
had closed round her. Being hemmed in
on every side , she could see nothing of
Harleigh , so that even if she could have
freed herself from the entanglements of
the throng , she would have been at a loss
where to go.
"Can you tell me , sir , " said she , speak
ing to a decently clad man who stood
near her , "where they have carried the
lady who was in the carriage with me
when it was overturned ? "
"I can , " said the man who from the
first had showed himself so officious , "and
with your permission , will , with much
pleasure , conduct you to where you will
find your friends. Hold fast by my arm ,
and if these knaves don't choose to fall
back and give their betters a free pass , I
will give them a lesson in manners which
they won't soon forget. "
"When I Lave a mind to take a lesson
in manners , " said a man whom , he rough
ly pushed aside , "I eha'n't take it of one
of Gil Falkland's lackeys , without giving
him one in return ; " and to show that he
meant as he said , he gave the man a
sharp clip across the shoulders with his
quarter-staff.
Alarmed at this , anil still more at find
ing that the man who had offered her
liis aid was in the employ of Falkland ,
she let go of his arm and endeavored to
make her escape.
"I would give you a taste of my ra
pier , " said he , at the same time seizing
hold of u portion of Alice's dress , ' 'were
it not that I have this lady under my
protection. "
"Release me I beg that you will , " said
Alice , in violent agitation.
"Rapier or no rapier , " said he who had
dealt the blow , "as you seem to have un
dertaken to protect the lady against her
will , you shall have further proof of the
virtue of this oaken cudgel , if you don't
let her go. "
The earnest and elevated tone of voice
in which this was said , as well as the
words themselves , served to indicate to
Harleigh the place where Alice was to
be found. The exclamation of joy ut
tered by Alice at Ilarleigh's appearance
would of itself have showed her sturdy
defender that she had no reason to dis
trust him as a protector. He now show
ed his good will by preceding Harleigh
and Alice , and rendering their egress
from the crowd less annoying.
"You have rny thanks , good friend , "
said Harleigh , "for your voluntary ser
vice. It appears to me that your looks
and voice are familiar to me. "
"Likely enough , for you have seen me
once , I am certain. "
"So am I , but when and where , I've no
recollection. "
"Don't you remember that the king
graciously admitted me to his presence ,
at "Whitehall , not many weeks ago ? "
"Yes , yes I remember it well , " said
Harleigh , with some difficulty repressing
a smile , as he recalled to mind Hendrick
Dykes and the carefully preserved curry
comb.
"Why , if I'd been a prince , " said Hen
drick , with great unction , "the king
couldn't have treated me better. Margery
wouldn't exchange the silk gown he or
dered to be sent her for a queen's crown.
He stole right into our hearts , and will
keep there as long as we live. "
They had by this time reached the
steps of Mrs. Selwyn's door , where stood
the countryman who had assisted Har
leigh in removing Mrs. Elliston from the
broken carriage and carrying her into the
house. He proved to be a friend of Hen-
drick's , who had come to the city in com
pany with him and his wife Margery.
Having a second time received the cordial
thanks of Harleigh , to which were added
those of Alice , they took leave , equally
pleased with themselves and with those
who had shown themselves so ready to
appreciate their services.
A surgeon and Edward Elliston , who
were immediately sent for , had now ar
rived. On examining the patient , it was
found that the skull was so badly frac
tured it was necessary that a portion of
it should be removed. All thoughts of
her being carried to her own home were ,
therefore , for the present abandoned. By
he time the operation was over , which
kvas successfully performed , Alice found
that her wrist , which she had imagined
to be only slightly sprained , was much
swollen and began to be excessively pain-
iul. This would render it impossible for
icr to bestow on Mrs. Elliston those nu
merous little attentions which she other
wise would have done , although a relia-
jle and experienced nurse had been
aromptly sent for by Edward.
"I will supply your place , dear Alice ,
is far as I can , " said Abi. "It Avill pre *
rent my thoughts from dwelling so con
stantly on him whom I am not allowed
: o minister to. "
Thus , by a combination of painful cir
cumstances , Harleigh and Alice , Mrs. El-
iston and Abi were brought together un-
ler the same roof. The promise made to
\Lv. Walworth by Harleigh was a second
ime unintentionally broken , while Mrs.
311iston , still in a state of insensibility ,
ras waited on and watched over with the
enderest care by her to whom , in the
lour of deep affliction , she had refused
tor aid and sympathy.
CHAPTER XX.
The next session of the Old Bailey hav-
ng been close at hand , at the time of the
few's urrost , the day for his arraignment
oon arrived. The strict search which
lad been made for the body of the valet
iad proved unsuccessful , a circumstance
rhich , in the minds of many , told against
he prisoner , as it was generally thought
hat he could , if he had been so minded ,
toiut out the place of its concealment.
Early in the day crowds of people , con-
istiug of almost every degree , were seen
lasteniug to the place of trial. A host
f witnesses had been summoned in be/-
ialf of the prosecution , while there were
tone , except Clarence Harleigh and Ed-
rard Elliston , Alice and Abi , who had ,
nythiug to testify which would be favor- ,
.ble to the prisoner. A few witnesses
or the prosecution remained to be ex-
mined , when a billet was put into Har-
jigh's hand.
"If you are a friend to Jeduthun , the
ew , " it said , "come without delay to
he house directly opposite where he used
o live. "
Harleigh , having with some difficulty
corked his way through the crowd , hast-
ued to the house designated. Before he
ad time to knock the door was opened
y a middleagedoinan. .
"Follow me , " said she , and she led the
ray up a dark , narrow staircase. At its
rmination , she opened a door. "Enter , "
aid she , and then , without another word ,
rithdrew. a
He obeyed , and found himself in a comn
fortable looking bed chamber , where ,
seated in a deep , stuffed chair , was a
young man , so thin and pale , that his ap
pearance was almost ghastly.
"You don't recognize me ? " said he.
"I do not , " was Harleigh's answer.
"There are those who will know me
and who would rather meet a famished
wolf in their path than to see me. I am.
or was , Gilbert Falkland's valet. "
"Do you mean him supposed to havt
been murdered ? "
"I am he. "
"This is indeed strange and unlocked
for. Judging by your pale looks , and th
deep scar on your forehead , you have
been near death's door. "
"Within a single step , as I am told bj
those into whose care I fell. "
( To be continued. )
WAVE SAVED THE VESSELS.
It Interposed Between Two Ships in
Time to Prevent a Collision.
Captain Burch , of the British shir ,
Cawdor , from Newcastle , N. S. W. . tells
of a narrow escape his vessel had from
colliding near the Australian coast
With the schooner Golden Shore. A
hurricane was raging when the ships
nearly came together , and a big wave
which came along at the opportune mo
ment averted a disaster. The Golden
Shore is owned in San Francisco and
was lumber laden.
The Cawdor was in ballast and a gale
arose. In a few hours its fury became
terrible. Captain Burch soon realized
the folly of sailing in such a sea , and
every yard of canvas was stripped
from the masts. There was nothing to
do but drift , and this the ship did for
some time. Soon the bare masts of the
schooner Golden Shore hove in sight ,
she also drifting rapidly in the storm.
As the ships neared one another
their positions became perilous. The
terrified crews were unable to control
them and looked for nothing but the
sinking of one or both of the vessels.
The Cawdor bore straight down toward
the big schooner with a force that
meant destruction.
But a few seconds more and the ves
sels would have crashed together had
not something occurred that filled the
sailors with wonder. A great wave , as
if conscience-stricken , rose between the
craft and turned the nose of the Caw
dor just enough to prevent the crash
that seemed unavoidable. She just
missed the Golden Shore. So close were
the vessels as the ship fled broadside
by the schooner that one could have
jumped from the Cawdor to the Golden
Shore , Captain Burch says.
When the vessels slipped by one an
other a cheer went up from 100 voices.
The Golden Shore drifted on , but in
the distance it was seen that she had
turned completely around. The Caw
dor was uninjured. San Francisco
Call.
DANIEL O'CONNELL'S FEES.
Irish Lawyers of His Time Made Good
Incomes.
The trustees of the National library
of Ireland have just purchased the
fee-book of Daniel O'Connell. This
little volume , in its hundred pages or
so of parallel columns , laboriously pre
pared by the hands of the liberator
himself , shows in pounds , shillings
and pence his early struggles. O'Con
nell was called to the Irish bar in 1798
the year of the rebellion and seven
days later he got his first brief from
a brother-in-law who retained him to
draft a declaration on a promissory
note. The only other business he got
that year was also given to him by a
kinsmen a cousin and it was of the
same kind. The fee on each occasion
was 1 2s 9d. It was in one of his
earliest cases that O'Connell made the
retort that attracted attention to him ,
says the London Chronicle. He was
cross-examining an awkward witness ,
who declared that he had drunk noth
ing but his share of a pint of whisky.
"On your oath , now , " thundered the
young counsel , "was not your share
all but the pewter ? "
O'Connell's fee-book is an interest
ing record of his rapid rise in the pro
fession. For the first year , as we have
seen , his income amounted to only 2-
os Gd. Next year he earned over 50 ,
and the year after he made over 400.
According to memoranda made in his
own handwriting his income in 1803
was 4G5 , and in the following years ,
775 , 840 , 1,077 , 1,713 , 2,198 2,730 ,
2,951 , 3,047 , and 3,808 , respectively.
This record throws much light on the
incomes at the Irish bar nearly 100
years ago , for in 1812. when O'Connell
was making nearly 4,000 a year , he
was still quite a youu
Cossacks Are Remorseless Soldiers.
The Russian authorities have always
been aware of the usefulness of their
Cossack soldiery in quelling outbreaks
even in European Russia , Forty years
ago these wild soldiers of the steppes
c
were sent to quell the insurrection in
v
Poland. The horrible butchery which
then ensued in Warsaw and other Po
lish towns forms one of the blackest
pages in the history of Russia. Only n
aighteen months ago the Cossacks were
let loose in the streets of St. Petersburg
to restore order among the disaffected
students of the university. Riding
straight into the bands of students , the
Cossacks lashed right and left with
their long cruel reins , loaded with lead ,
ind the students were literally driven e
into submission. g
Percentage of "World's Population.
The population of the whole world is tl
ibout 1,500,000,000. Of this Great Brit-
lin and her colonies has 25.9 per cent ; ei
Russia , 8.09 per cent ; France , 6.3 per
: ent ; United States , 5.7 per cent ; Ger-
nany , 4.G per cent ; Austro-Hungary ,
J.I per cent ; Italy , 2.2 per cent.
The dangerous work of coal-mining is
Jmost a third as fatal as the battle *
ield , for of every 1,000 miners , 23.2
ire killed every year in the perform-
ince of their work.
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Ovei Sayings that Are Chccr-
* ful to Old or Young : Funny Selec
tions that Everybody Will Enjoy.
Cook ' 'Please , ma'am , I want to
give a week's notice. "
Mistress "Why. Jane , this is indeed
a surprise. Are you not satisfied with
the treatment you receive here ? "
Cook "Oh. yes , ma'am. "
Mistress "Then. I suppose you have
a better place in view. "
Cook "Oh , no , ma'am. I'm only go
ing to get married. "
firoivinu More Fiendish.
Attendant ( at insane asylum ) This
man seems to be innately cruel. For
a time he thought he was Nero.
Visitor What is he now ?
"Oh , now he thinks he's the baud on
an excursion steamboat" Life.
Kepartee.
Mr. Koxy So you are a grass wid
ow , eh ?
Mrs. Grass Why ? Are you a grass
mower ?
Cause for Sorrow.
"Say. Hags , why is Willie weeping ? '
"Just because the weather has been
so cold during dog days that he hasn't
been mad enough to bite a lot of
people"
Proud of It.
Bunco Ike Kin you write , Bill ?
Bill Dat's a funny question to ask
me. Wasn't I arrested fer forgery
three times.
The Trouble.
Mrs. Jones I always think twice be
fore I speak ouce , sir !
Mr. Jones ( sighing ) Exactly , Maria ;
but you're such a quick thinker. Puck
A Common Trait.
"All authors are alike. "
"In what respectV"
"Let one of them write any kind of
a volume and he imagines he's booked
for immortality. "
Very Nonchalant.
Bill Collector I've been carrying this
bill against you for so long that it's
almost worn out.
.Skinner They certainly do make a
miserable quality of paper nowadays.
A Natural Conclusion.
Tommy Where you goin' , Jimmy ?
Jimmy Sunday-school.
Tommy Dug yer bait yet ?
Wise Precaution.
New Boy ( t prospective employer )
"Yessir , I kin do anything about the
office so Jong as if s not disrespectable. "
An Excuse Wanted.
"Here's a story in the paper , " said
the sentimental typewriter , "about the
death of a poor old woman who just
[ Kissed away at the age of 90 without
a single relative in the world. Isn't
that sad ? "
"Sad ? " cried the bill clerk. "Why ,
it's almost criminal for a woman that
- > ld to die in the height of the baseball
season and not have at least one :
jrandson. " Philadelphia Press.
He Was So Baldheaded.
"Do you know why I'm starting to
aise a beard ? "
"I suppose you want to be able to
ocate your face "
Why She Hesitated.
'John , that dog annoyed me all u
light. "
"Well , why didn't you shoot him ?
LOU have a revolver handy. "
"I know , John , but it was a bulldog
evolver , and he was a black-and-tan. "
Strong Indeed.
Lady Do you ever touch strong
irink ?
Tramp Yea , mum , I have drank Chi- fc
ago wather when de bulletins said it fch
ras "suspicious. "
Easy Enough.
"I wish you would do something for
ly husband , " said the anxious wife. h :
He's worrying about money. "
"Don't be alarmed , " answered the
hys-ician , reassuringly. "I'll relieve lil
im of that" Philadelphia Record , ir
Her Little Joke.
He had sprung so many gags at her
xpense that she thought It time to n
et even. < x
"Henry , " she exclaimed , as she came
ome to dinner , "I heard something "t
lis morning that opened my eyes. " tr
"What was it ? " he demanded , ercit- tlai
117. ai
"Why , the alarm clock , goose. "
Impressed.
KaiserYas the American impress-
i when you told him I allowed only la
irty-live minutes for dinner ? "
Secretary "Yes , he said he couldn't
c why you aated so much valuable Pi
me something that "was over in th
ii mlnutts at hvine. " 01
. By the Sad Seo.
Is ttti
Ida-"How funny thds place
ana oolj
a dozen men
year ! There are
one girl. "
" are all of on <
May "Yes , and they
family. "
Ida "One family ? "
" to be a sis
May "Yes , she promised
ter to all of them. "
His Reward.
Cohensteln ( rescued from the surf-
" haf saved my lite. '
"Miue friendt , you
Life Saver "Dat's about de size o >
it. "
Cohenstein "Mine frelndt , nod in |
is too good for you : Eef I die befori
you I vill sbeak apoud dis In heaven1 !
Puck.
Explained.
"Did yez hear about Mrs. Mulligan I
sou ruunin' fer otlice ? "
> 40i did not. Phwat koind av offict
is he ruunin' fer ? "
"Th' postoffice. He is a special de
livery bhoy. "
lie hind the Times.
"What is it , " he asked breathlessly ;
'a runaway horse ? "
They looked at him In derision. "A
runaway horse ? No ! a balky automo
bile. "
Wanted to Know.
Ida "Maude says the man she is go
ing to marry is bold and fearless. "
May "Indeed ! Is he an umpire oi
a book agent ? "
Spoiled the Arrangements.
"We'll sure have to pass a law to pro
vent suicides , " said the Southern legist !
later.
"I didn't suppose suicides were espe
daily prevalent hereabouts , " remarked
the Northern tourist.
"Well , suh , thar was one prevalent in
our town jail last week. A nigger hun $
himself jest as the boys were gettio !
ready to lynch him. " Philadelphii
Press.
Sorry.
"Money talks , you know. "
"So I've heard. By the way , would
you mind letting me have a dollar t
converse with for a few minutes ? "
Her Vievr.
Cholly Miss Peppery , how do yoi
pwonounce "g-o-l-f ? "
Miss Peppery I pronounce it per
fectly idiotic Philadelphia Press.
Uneafc.
"Why didn't you tell Toughboy that
he lied ? "
"My telephone is out of order. " Nor
ristown Herald.
Liooka Had for Him.
"Willie , your mamma wants to giv
you some cookies , but she can't find
they key to the pantry. "
"That's all right , pap ; I can get ID
without a key ! "
"Oh ! that's what I wanted to know ! "
Fame.
"Why do you think your town is en-
ritled to distinction ? " asked the tomrist
"Because , stranger , " responded tlw
latlve , "we barred , out automobiles and
efused a Carnegie library. " Chkngq
S'ews.
A Comparison.
She Is it a finer landscape ovet
:4iere ?
He Oh , yes ! It's wuth twenty dol-
ars an acre more'n this is ! Puck.
Proof Positive.
Jumpuppe Does Wisehead keep good
igars at his house ?
Slowdown I shouldn't be surprised ;
he ones he gives away are very bad.
Ju t Possible.
"You say the pitcher has a glass
rrn , " persisted the young woman ki
he grand stand. "How can a man have
, glass arm ? ' '
"Can't he have a pane in it ? " said
he young man , impatient at having his
ttention diverted from the game.
Ihicago Tribune.
Mean Trick.
Sue Jack can't sit by me in the
nock any more.
Belle How is that ?
Sue Why , paw has attached a beli
bat will ring if more than one oconpj
tie hammock.
Precions.
"And did you tell her she was wort !
er weight In gold ? " asked Archibald ,
"Far better ! " responded Claude. " 1
) ld her she was w > rth her weight ID
axd coal. "
In the Presence of Greatness.
Parke-I suppose you have great
opes of that new baby of yours
' * '
aven't you ?
Lane-Well , yes , I have , old maa
fhen I think of what that baby ia
kely to be I fairly tremble at my own
[ significance ! Detroit Free Press.
An Excellent Plan.
"I wish there were a sure plan ol
dding the country of the locusts , "
> mplained the farmer.
"I bet you , " declared the postmaster
iat if the milliners would start t
imming hats with stuffed locust *
lere wouldn't be '
one of 'em seen
ound here any more for a hundred
> ars. " Judge
in. tuck. k >
"Did you have a lucky run at the
st town ? " asked the comedian
"Well , I should say it was a luckj
in , " responded thewandering thes
an. "We just crossed the limits ol
e town before the constables grabbed
ir heels. "