T r
CHAPTER VIII. ( Continued. )
"In my opinion , the heinousness of the
jffense should have been reckoned accord
ing to the good or ill looks of her on
whose account you incurred the penalty.
If she was the blowzy , squint-eyed sl.it-
ieni that now performs the duties of
housemaid , you richly deserved the pun
ishment. "
"So say T , hut Hitty Chessman wus a
trim , tidy little body , us one you'll see
in u thousand , with saucy hlack eyes ,
Sheeks like a red rose und lips like ripe
cherries. "
" 'Twas u pardonable offense , then , to
jay the least of it. I'll be bound to say
that the old Roundhead's mouth watered
for that very kiss , the same as I've seen
a great'lubberly hoy's , us he stood watch-
Ing his invalid brother while eating the
tit-hits of u broiled partridge. Depend
apon it , lie would have been more lenient
if it had not been so. "
"I shouldn't wonder. "
"As I've said , you'd he a mere milksop
to puss it over without notice. Get that
paper for me , and you will he richly re
venged , and at the same time get u rich
lining to your purse. "
"You are willing to give me your word
an the honor of a gentleman that it won't
injure Ally Dale ? "
"Haven't I already told you so ? How
run it , indeed , when , us soon as she is
her own mistress , we uiv to be married ? "
"I thought she was to be married to
Clarence Ilarleigh. "
"And others have thought so , too. But
i know , and so does she , that , owing to
her uncle's opposition to our marriage , it
Ls necessary to throw dust into people's
pyes. "
"If this is so , you shall have it. "
They now rose und walked slowly
away , still talking together , though Alice
fould no longer hear what they said. She
could think of only one paper in Mr.
Walworth's possession which , it appeared
'o her , that Falkland would he desirous
to obtain , und thut wns the will of her
fata uncle , Mr. Gilbert Burlington , by
ivhich , when she arrived at the age of
twenty-one , she would come into pos
session of the valuable estate to which
allusion has already been made.
Falkland was u distunt connection of
Mr. Burlington , who , after the loss of
vis only child , a son of greut promise , in
tended to make him his heir , on condi-
; ion thut he should take his surname , as
well us that of Gilbert , which , by his de
sire , had been given him ut the font. He
; vea went so far us to muke u will to
'his effect a circumstances , however ,
ivhich was known only to u few of his
Confidential friends.
But it wus not long before Gilbert's
habits of extravugance became known to
Mr. Burlington , who. finding that no de
pendence could he placed on the promises
of reformation , which he made from time
lo time , made another will , which was
now in possession of Mr. Walworth , in
favor of Alice Dale.
At an earlier period , before Falkland's
tmworthiness had become known to him ,
Mr. Burlington had hoped to bring about
a match between Alice and his young
kinsman. The favorite project was not '
entirely given up at the time he made an
alteration in the disposition of his prop
erty , as was seen hy the letter he sent
! o Mr. Walworth. enclosed with the will
made in favor of Alice. " 1't is my earn
est desire. * ' he wrote , "that in case : Gil-
bert Falkland should reform , thut a mar
riage should take place between him und
your wurd. "
This , by some means , became known
to Falkland after Mr. Burlington's de
cease. Being unahle to think of any
other way by which he could repair the
broken fortune inherited from his father ,
he wus induced to exile himself a certain \
period from tho < e scenes of gaiety in his
native land so well suited to'his taste ,
imagining that while his personal attrac
tions would prove irresistible to the little
piece of rusticity to use his own expres
sion who had deprived him of u fine
estate , there would he no difficulty in
securing the favor of her guardian by u
little assumed gravity , and by falling in
tvith his peculiar and favorite tenets.
But he soon found that he hud reck
oned without his host. Alice , whom he
had pictured to himself us u little awk
ward rustic , he found possessed charms
both of mind and person , which , were
there opportunity , would throw the most
dazzling of the court beauties into the
shade.
Still , had not Clarence Harleigh pre
ceded him in his visit to her guardian , he
imagined that his handsome face , with
his other advantages , personal and ac
quired , could not fail to make a fuvorable
impression on u young girl who lived so
secluded.
Yet , high as was his self-appreciation ,
he could not be blind as not to see that
Hurleigh was infinitely his superior , even
in those qualities on which he most
prided himself , and which recommended
themselves to the eye , rather than to the
heart or the under tandinc. As respected
these last , he was conscious that the dis
parity between himself and Ilarleigh was
too great to admit of comparison.
At first , he fluttered himself that
neither Mr. Walworth nor Alice would he
keen-sighted enough to distinguish the
real from the false that the difference
between Harleigh's virtues and his us-
sumed ones would not he detected. This
was a delusion in which he was not per
mitted long to indulge , though , us has
been seen , he by no meuns abandoned
the idea of gaining possession of the
property , either with or without the in-
cumbrance of a wife.
The conversation between Fulklund
and the man with him , in u measure re
vealed this to Alice , and she at once de
termined to seek her uncle , and com
municate to him the substance of what
she had overheard. She hud risen in
order to execute her purpose , when she
heurd some one knock at the outer door.
In a minute afterward. Mr. Walworth
opened it. and admitted Falkland. Find
ing that her uncle did not return to tho
room he had recently left , she supposed
lie had retired to rest , and concluded to
defer the communication she wished to
make until morning. Her decision would
have been different had she known that ,
long before sunrise , he was going to set
out on a journey , from which he did not
expect to return for more than a week.
CHAPTER IX.
"Where is Uncle Walworth ? " were
Alice's first words in the morning , to her
Aunt Esther.
"A dozen miles from here , by this
time , " was the reply.
" 1 didn't hear him mention that he was
going away. "
"It was a sudden decision. After Gil
bert Falkland returned , he felt so much
troubled about Gabriel that he walked
over to his house to talk with him. With
a good deal of difficulty he succeeded in
persuading him to go to his brother's for
the purpose of spending a few weeks.
David Guthry is u firm , judicious man ,
and will , your uncle thinks , he able to
control Gabriel without his being aware
of it. "
"I am very thankful he is gone. I was
thinking last night that unless some one
went with me , I shouldn't dare to go out
of sight of the house. "
Alice now mentioned to her aunt what
she had overheard while sitting at her
chamber window. Search was immedi
ately made for the will , the paper they
supposed to be referred to. Mrs. Wal
worth thought that she could at once lay
her hand upon it , where her husband
kept such papers. It was not in the place
where they expected , but they imagined
that Mr. Walworth hud tnkeu the pre
caution to remove it to a small drawer
which they found locked , and the key
gone. It was decided to remove the desk
to Mrs. Walworth's bedroom.
The sun was something like three hours
past the meridian , and Alice , with her
eyes fixed on a page of u book , was sit
ting in the shade of the old maple. She
did not hear the light footsteps stealing ,
up behindher , and when un arm was
suddenly thrown round her neck , she
started to her feet.
"Mildred , " said Alice , "you did wrong
to frighten me so. "
"I was far from intending it , but I
ought to have considered that you hadn't
yet had time to recover from the terrible
shock you received yesterday. The grim
Gabriel has always realized my idea of
an ogre , and I almost begin to think that
he is one. "
They wandered away slowly in a direc
tion where they could keep in the shade
of the trees.
"Harleigh has left us since I was here
last , " said Mildred.
"Yes , " replied Alice , in an absent man
ner , for Harleigh's name brought to mind
Avhat he had said to her respecting Mil
dred.
dred.Mildred
Mildred seated herself on the roots of
an oak , which were covered with velvet
moss , and drew Alice down by her side.
"And this , " said she , taking hold of
the ribbon encircling Alice's neck , and
suddenly drawing the gem attached to it
from its hiding place , "is Harleigh's
gift. "
"I never said that it was. "
"There was no need. I knew , though
a gem of great price , that it wasn't for
its intrinsic value that you treasured it
so sacredly. How very beautiful ! Allow
me to remove it from your neck a single
minute , so that I can the better examine
it. "
Mildred did not "wait for the permis
sion to be given , but unclasping , held it
so that it caught the flash of a sunbeam
which kindled into life its varied and in
tensely brilliant hues. The next moment ,
she removed it into the shade , when its
vivid colors ut once faded into cold , ashen
gray.
"Mutable as man's affection , " said Mil
dred. "It makes me sad to look at it.
I believe , Alice , were 1' in your place ,
I should hesitate to wear it. But I must
restore his love token. Even if it be an
ill omen , you will persist in wearing it ,
I suppose. "
"I don't see why it should be an ill
omen , " replied Alice , as she put the rib
bon round her neck and clasped it.
Mildred took hold of the clasp for a
moment , as if to examine it. When she
removed her hand , it was touched togeth
er so slightly thut the leust motion would
cause it to fall apart. Mildred rose at
the same time that Alice did , and the
next moment she had the satisfaction of
seeing the gem lying on the ground. Alice
passed on , and Mildred , under pretense
of gathering some violets , lingered a little
behind , which gave her an opportunity to
put the opal in her pocket.
"Come , Alice , don't look so grave , " said
Mildred , ut the same time offering her
some of her violets. "I am , I own , some
times u little superstitious , but I should
not try to excite a similar feeling in oth
ers. Forget what I huve said. And yet
"And yet what ? " said Alice , finding
she hesitated.
"Well , then but I won't repeat what
I've heard ; 'tis a vile slander. "
" 1'f against Harleigh , I can better bear
to hear it , if it be false , than if it were
true. "
"It is possible that you have heard Hur-
leigh mention the Lady Hester Deigh-
ton. "
"I have frequently. "
"But not thut she is ready to bestow
her hand on him for the asking ? "
rl never did. "
"Nor that an earl's coronet will grace
his brows if he should ask her hand ? "
"How can that be ? "
"Simply because it is promised him at
Lady Hester's suit. There is no time
now to enter into uii explauution of the
affair. It is enough to know that there
can he no doubt of its truth. But when
people presume to go further , and say
that , for the snke of the coronet , he will
not hesitate to marry the lady , I can
only say that if like me they had seen
the sweet wild-wood flower he is pledged
to , they would not hesitate to pronounce
it a vile slander. And yet I don't tike
his concealing the mutter from you. "
"He might not know it. "
"I am sorry to say that I am certain
that he did know it. The letter contain
ing the information , whicn I received
from England yesterday , more than hints
that he would not have been in such a
hurry to return but for the prospect of
an earldom. "
"Did you ever see the Lady Hester ? "
"Yes , hundreds of times. "
"Is she handsome ? " _ _ .
"Handsome isn't a word expressive
enough to frjply to a person of Lady
Hester's style. "
"Are her eyes and hair the color of
yours ? "
"Both are as black as midnight. "
At this moment , for she thought of
Harleigh's words when he gave her the
opal , Alice involuntarily raised her hand
to her neck and found it was not there.
"It is gone , Mildred ! " she exclaimed.
"What shall I do ? "
"What is gone ? "
"The opal. "
"Well , you needn't look so frightened ,
and turn so white. We will return the
same way we came and search for it. "
The search was , of course , u vuin one.
Mildred , who. at first , made a great show
of .assisting her , soon grew impatient and
left Alice to prosecute it alone. She
went over the ground many time , and , at
last returned to the house , weary and
disheartened. Mildred met her at the
door.
"Have you found it ? " she inquired.
Alice shook her head. Before she had
time to reply they were joined by Gilbert
Falklund.
"You huve made your appeai'ance quite
opportunely , " said Mildred. "I was
just thinking that my walk home would
be rather lonely , but now I shall expect
you to accompany me. "
"I shall be most happy to be at youi
service , " replied Falkland.
Alice did not , as usual , invite Mildred
to come again soon. Her mind was in a
state to cause her to feel nearly indif
ferent us to whether she came or not. It
might be in consequence of Harleigh's
caution , but , for the first time , she expe
rienced towards her a vague feeling of
distrust.
Mildred , accompanied by Falkland ,
proceeded in silence till they were out
of sight of the house. She then stopped
and looked cautiously round iu every di
rection.
"Here is something for you , " said she ,
tuking the opal from her pocket.
"This is Harleigh's love token you told
me about ? "
"Yes. "
"How did you get it ? "
"Oh , I set my wits to work , and now
that I have given it into your keeping ,
you must set yours to work , so that it
may serve the double purpose of promot
ing your interest and mine. "
"Don't fear ; nothing will be eusier. A
single glimpse of it in my hands will
make Harleigh so rabid with jealousy
that he will foam at the mouth. "
"I have already succeeded in making
Alice jealous of him. "
"How ? "
"You know thut the eccentric Lady
Hester Deighton , at one time , took such
a fancy to him thut she importuned the
king to muke an earl of him. Well , I
mentioned the circumstance to Alice to
day , and represented it in such u way
that she supposes her to be young and
as beautiful us un angel. "
"Why , she is old enough to be his
grundmother. She took it in her head
to adopt Harleigh to supply the place of
a son she hud lost did she not ? "
"Yes , und huppening one day , in hunt
ing over some musty parchments , to find
that in the time of William the Conquer
or there was an earl in the family , she
wished to have the title revived for Har
leigh's benefit. "
"But like many of her other whims , it
lasted only a few weeks. I've been told.
It is an old affair her partiality to Har
leigh. How came you to think of resus
citating it ? "
"Why , in u letter which I received yes-
terduy from England , the old lady's
name was mentioned , which recalled it
to my mind. "
"I had letters by the same ship which
brought yours , and one of them contains
important information which has decided
me to return to England the first chance.
Look ut this. "
"Well , I see a roll of parchment. '
"A peep at the inside will reveal to
you its importance. "
"The late Mr. Burlington's will in fu-
vor of Alice Dule. How came you by ,
1C. * ) " /
"I was helped to it no matter "o.ow ,
nor by whom. "
( To bo continued. )
Persecuted "Pesgy" Eatoif
"The war which President Jackson
began against the United States Bank
did not test his heroic nerve more than
the war which opened in his Cabinet
over the question whether 'Peggy'
Eaton should be recognized by the
women of Washington as a 'Cabinet
lady , ' " writes William Perrine , in the
Ladies' Home Journal. "The promi
nent ladies of the administration gener
ally reached the conclusion that 'Peggy'
Eaton should be ostracised. The social
rebellion against 'Old Hickory' even
broke out in his own household. The
one conspicuous public man who did
not yield to the feminine crusade was
Martin Van Buren , the Secretary of
State , who had the advantage of being
a widower and who had determined
with his suave dexterity to please the
iron will of the President in all things.
Tackson was delighted with his con
duct , but the diplomatic finesse of the
'Little Magician' failed almost as much
as the fierce mandates of 'Old Hickory- '
The British minister , who was friendly .
to Mrs. Eaton , was prevailed upon to
give a ball and supper , but it was im .
possible to keep together any cotillon
iu which she took part , or to direct the
conversation at the table toward her. v
Then the Russian minister , who was
also disposed to sympathize with her ,
gave a similar entertainment. The wife
of the minister of Holland was especial-
y exhorted by Van Buren to take a seat
at the supper table by the side of Mrs.
Eaton. But when , after some embar
rassing dissent on her port , she re
luctantly consented to be escorted to
: he table she deliberately walked out of
: he room on discovering that Mrs.
Eaton was seated at the head of the
table. "
t > Lr * * fiP.J gtvTS 5'J > > > / OvtVJ * " .
GIRLS , HELP YOUR MOTHERS.
girl , if she be not thor
MVERY selfish , is anxious to lift
some of the burden of household
management fr.m her mother's shoul
ders on to her own ; but , unfortunately ,
many girls wait to be asked to do things
instead of being constantly on the look
out for little dutieswhich they are ca
pable of doing.
If you would be of any real use in the
home you must be quick to notice what
is wanted the room that needs dust
ing , the flowers which require rearrang
ing , the curtain which has lost a ring
and is therefore drooping. And then
you must not only be willing to do what
is needed , but willing to do it pleasant
ly , without making people feel that you
are being martyred.
It is almost useless to take up any
household duties unless you do them
regularly. If you do a thing one day
and not the next , you can never be de
pended on , and if some one else has
to be constantly reminding you of and
supervising your work , it probably
gives that person more trouble than do
ing it herself would cause.
Have a definite day and a definite
time for all you do the flower vases
will need attention every other day.
There should be one day kept for mend
ing and putting away the household
linen. Begin , too , directly after break
fast , and keep on steadily till your work
is done.
If you begin by sitting down "just for
a minute" with a book , or think you
will "just arrange the trimming" on
your new hat , the morning will be half
gone before you know where you are.
A girl who has brothers may spare
her mother all those tiresome little jobs
which boys are always requesting to
have done for them , if she will only do
them kindljr.
But a boy will not come and ask his
sister to repair frayed-out buttonholes
if she snaps and says he is "always
bothering. "
It is not easy work , but it is quite
possible for the daughter at home to
make up a good deal of its sunshine ,
and it is only when she has learned this
that she is fit to go away and be the
sunshine of a home of her own.
Thoughtless Marriages.
It is a pity not only that so many
young women are allowed by their eld
ers to be exposed to the danger of un
suitable attachments , but that so many
of them also are not trained to a ra
tional and intensely serious under
standing of the meaning of the mar
riage obligation. There was a fine ex
ample , the other day , in Washington ,
of courageous good sense on the part
of a promised bride , through the exer
cise of the quality was rather belated.
Miss Theodora H. Van Wyck , daughter
of a former Nebraska n , now deceased ,
and having , it is said , a large income
in her own right , went with a young
man before a clergyman to be mar
ried , but in the midst of the ceremony
responded to the usual question on
which depended her fate with an em
phatic "No. " The astonished clergy-
nan asked the reason of the sudden
change of mind. "Because , " she an
swered , "this is too serious ; I have got
: o think it over. "
The eleventh hour is not the best at
svhich to th'nk ' it over ; but better then
: han later. If every girl and every
roung man , for that matter , thought it
tvell over before seeking the minister
) r the law's representative to tie the
inot , there would be less frequent ef-
'orts to untie it , with their attendant
leart-burnings and recrimination and
jxposure of petty weaknesses , which
; o often inspire a momentary disgust
vith human nature. Philadelphia
Dimes.
Motherhood.
5o little a soul ! scarce a cry
Or a name !
ledge it in lest it fly
Co the heaven whence it came ,
ror the soul knows its wing
And earth's night
So bewiid'ring
lay fright the small thing !
! o little a soul , scarce a breath ,
x > st its way , drifted far ,
jike a rose petal whirled
To the world
From a star.
) n the crest of a wave balancing
between life and death , night and dawn ,
( Heaven linger so near )
jest it tremble with fear ,
est it open its wings :
And be gone !
-Nellie H. Wordworth in Boston Jour
nal.
Managing : a Husband.
There is a positive exhilaration to be
.erived from bringing all one's efforts
o bear upon a husband whose busi-
.ess worries have pursued him from
he office. There is a genuine delight
D fight with the unknown anxieties
rhich his love will not permit him to
nburden at home. It brings out all
he tact and patience and diplomacy ,
11 the charms and graces of a wom-
n's character , to transform a cross ,
ired , wornout husband into a new
lan just by a good dinner and a little
ict.
But to manage a husband when there
re so many kinds of husbands re-
uires , more than any other one thing ,
thorough study of your subject To
meet your husband with a smile , " n
rhich is the old-fashioned rule for all
ills , is enough to make a nervous , ir
ritable man frantic. Look him over be
fore you even smile. You ought to
know how to treat him. Don't sing or
i hum if he has a headache or begin to
tell him the news before you have fed
him. If there is one rule to lay down
which there is not or if I were giving
automatic advice which I am not I
should say that most men come home
like hungry animals and require first
of all to be fed. Lillian Bell , in Har
per's Bazar.
The dress of two linens , a plaided
and a plain one , is a novelty of the sea
son. A blue plaid or a sprigged flower
pattern with plain cream flounces , a
collar and turned up cuffs showing soft
lawn ones beneath , or a coral scheme
with paler pink embellishments are at
tractive models. With these colored
linens the embroidery on the white or
creamy collars is in a contrasting
shade of the color of the gown , or of
the same tone as the collar. A white
linen dress , with collar , cull's and belt
of cream color , embroidered in the
same creamy tint , is exceedingly cool
and pretty in appearance.
While the moire cloaks are said to be
the most modish of the great family of
black silk wraps , it is undeniable that
they also show dust the most. This is
especially true of that great favorite ,
the heavy moire velour , which seems
to have handsome ridges for no other
purpose than the making of peaceful
reposing places for dust and microbes
generally. It is , however , not so prone
to wrinkles as Is the daintier taffeta ,
which is made rather mussy by too
much sitting on. These coats range
from the tiny plaited blouses to the
long affairs with circular flounces.
Tremendously ultra are the plaited
boleros of black cloth or silk when
worn with skirts of black and white
checks. These skirts are mostly in
tiny checks , though some broken plaids
are seen , and the kilt , the plaits stitch
ed down to the knees , is a favored
model. In some instances the blouse is
of the checked silk , but more often it is
of cream lace , which shows only as a
vest and big nndersleeves once the
jacket is on. The jacket , by the way.
has plaited sleeves in flowing effect.
A Table Decoration.
Hand-painted ribbons make a pretty
table decoration for a change. A Avidi
white satin ribbon is placed all along
the table at either side , bearing hand-
painted designs at intervals. Hunting
scenes make the most effective designs ,
with all the scenes placed in proper or
der from start to finish. But I have also
seen designs from the seasons very
effectively arranged in this way , so
that it was spring at one end of the
table and winter at the other.
PoiiRee Corsets.
The pongee corsets rival the white
net styles in favor for summer wear ,
rhe French corset of pongee is light ,
cool , and graceful in outlina Silk
corset-lacings should always be used ,
2ven on coutille or jean corsets. A cot
ton or linen lacing invariably shows
jeneath a closely-fitting summer waist ,
tnd round elastic lacings are worst a
) f all , as they leave a distinct mark on
the back of the bodice.
Health and Beauty Hints.
Don't moisten your food with the
dea of saving your teeth. It spoils
: he teeth and you will soon lose them.
Don't keep the sun out of your living '
md sleeping rooms. Sunlight is abso-
utely necessary for a right condition
) f the atmosphere that we breathe and
or our bodily well being.
There are some skins to which local-
y applied fat of any kind acts as an si
rritant. I am not referring to cases ot
> ily seborrhoea. Quite often , when the
; kin is not greasy , fat gives rise to a
: rop of red , itching spots.
Those who have their hands rough- w
> ned will find them greatly improved
> y using an oatmeal ball , made by ai
s'ashing half a pound of lard thorough- li
y then"putting it in a basin and mixing
t with fine oatmeal , until no greasi-
less be felt If used regularly it is
aid to be very successful in restoring n <
he hands to a soft condition.
Tender feet are often made so by the
ise of much-darned stockings. Wear '
ai
ight woolen stockings and let them be
if the cheap kind , that you will not
aind discarding directly they become
vorn. To harden the skin it is a goo < ? hi
dan to rub the soles of the * c t wlfh in
aethylated spirits er 7 tij or to
rash them over with salt "w t . til
Anothcr Good Way.
Chimmy Wot's de best way to tench
i girl to swim ?
want to take her
Johnny Well , yer
zently by de hand , lead her gently
lowu to de water , put yer arm gently
round her waist and -
Chimmy Oh , cut it out It's me sis-
: er !
Johnny Oh ! Push her off de dock !
Puck.
"I think I have heard , " said the ten-
! rfoot , "that the man you called Rat
tlesnake Sam came to an unfortunate
horse-stealing , or
? nd hanged for -
something of that kind. "
"Wtiss than that , pard , " replied the
-owb.y. shaking his head with ineffa
ble sadness. "He was killed by bein'
tin-owed fr'm a hoss. " Chicago Trib
une.
Saw Him First.
Mrs. Dimpleton I am to see the doc-
"tor to-day , and I know he will insist
upon my going abroad.
The lion. John No. he won't. I met
him yesterday and told him if he sent
you abroad I couldn't pay his bill.
"Hey , where's that valise I gave you
er quarter ter carry for me ? "
"It's all right , mister. Me little brud-
tler's com in' wid it just as fast as he
can. "
How Cruel of llitn.
Mrs. Mann William , why do you
-ace off to the club every evening right
after dinner ?
Mr. Mann I want to make up for all : *
he evenings I lost while I was courtT
ing. Chelsea Gazette.
Neighborly Advice.
Mrs. Nexdort My daughter's getting
to be quite an enthusiastic piano
[ layer.
Mrs. Pepprey Yes ; why don't you
get her to join a union ?
Mrs. Nexdoro Join a union ?
Mrs. Pepprey Yes ; she wouldn't
work more than eight hours a day at it
Chen. Philadelphia Press.
Answers the Door.
Mrs. Throop ( excitedly ) Bridget ,
here's a policeman ringing at the front
door bell.
Bridget ( coolly ) Well , ma'am , yez
can tell him Oi'in not in.
Polite.
Mrs. Jones John , there are burglars
ilown stairs !
Mr. Jonos ( sleepily ) You go down ,
lear. They wouldn't dare strike a
woman.
The Only Way.
Witson Yes , sir ; this summer I ex-
) ect to own my own home.
Kidder How long do you think your
vife will be away ?
She Wasn't There.
Woman ( to dry goods clerk who has
) een showing blankets for half an
lour ) I thank you for your trouble ,
> ut I really didn't intend to buy any-
hing. I'm looking for a friend.
Clerk Well , if you think she's in
hese blankets , I'll go through then ?
igain.
No Chance to Talk.
Wigg No. I can't say that Talkalot
5 a friend of mine. I merely have a
peaking acquaintance with him.
Wagg Most people only have a lis-
ening acquaintance. Philadelphia
Record.
Still on Earth.
"You are an angel , " asserted the
ove-stricken . " '
youth.
"That's no reason
rhy you should keep her up to un-
arthly hours , " remarked the old man
rom the head of the stairs. Philadel-
liia Record.
Not Superstitious.
Tess Don't you really believe in
reams ?
Jesse No , indeed. It's superstitious
a believe in dreams , and besides it's
bad sign when you believe in thern
ar it usually brings you bad luck.-
'hiladelphia Press.
Did She Mean Anything Unkind ?
Mother ( exhibiting first born ) Don't
ou see a resemblance ? Look at our
ices side by side.
Visitor Nothing could be plainer.
'unch.
A Timely Affair.
"You are charged with loitering , "
lid the repairer to the tired watch.
What have you to say for yourself ? "
"Nothing , " replied the watch. "You
tiould judge me by my works. "
"Well , I will look into your case , "
lid the repairer , "and if I find you
uilty "
"What will you do ? " queried the
'atch.
"Set you to work doing time , prob-
bly , " replied the repairer , who had a
cense to pose as a judge.
Kevenge.
The Bride There's only one thing
eeded to complete o r happiness.
The Groom What is that , dearest ?
The Bride I do wish my first hus-
and and your first wife would meet
ad get married.
No Chance to Repent.
Bilder You say you married in
iste. Then I
suppose you are repent-
g at leisure ?
Gilder No ; I'm kept so busy hustlin ?
tat I have no leisure.
