Valentine Democrat. (Valentine, Neb.) 1900-1930, June 12, 1902, Image 2
THE VALENTINE DEMOCRAT I. Iff KICK , Pub Ihher. VALENTINE , NEBRASKA , And If Cuba Isn't free , she will be as ree. 8 she can. The oyster trust , with its double sup- lily of the letter r , expects to be in sea- ton the year round. The evidence Indicates strongly thai Christmas has got himself up with some other person. Another "Life of Napoleon" is an- aawnced. Still , It isn't likely that the arotia knows all about the Little Cor poral even yet A. Chicago city official has resigned Accause he couldn't live on the salary lie got He must have regarded public as a public trust Admiral Bob Evans is disgusted with the bombastic loquacity of certain American generals. This is by all odds Che funniest joke of the season. The Central States are promised the locust. The - eventeen-year every-year low cuss who expectorates on the side walks and in the street cars is out in Dearly all the States. Miss Stone says that Mine. Tsilka's baby softened the hearts of the brig ands. Ah , what a wonderful thing a fcafcy is ! And what a pity that it has become unfashionable. The new $100 bills are rare works of art ; and while their prices may not advance much in spite of their scarcity , they are not likely to drop much below par as long as Uncle Sam is running -this continent Women run 50 per cent slower than men , jump ( J2 per cent as far , and ithrow a base ball 45 per cent as far. Now will the "woman's rights" people jface these statistics ? Something must Jbe done' to conserve the rights of the lordly male. Should the erection of free public baths in the cities continue at the pres ent rate plans have just been made in one city for spending two or three mil lion dollars on free baths it will be necessary to find a new group of popu lation to which to apply Burke's phrase , "the great unwashed. " There Is little question that a good anany Americans eat more meat than is healthful. A lessened use of this staple , with an increased consumption -of other more nutritious and less stimu lating foods will prove valuable in as sisting medical scientists to put to rout jiifinmatic and other disorders that ap pear to increase rather than diminish with the advance of civilization. The girl students in a class in sociol- fcgy in Chicago University have voted ihat they believe in co-education be cause it makes the young men neater n dress and more gentlemanly in be- iiavior ; the young men have voted neir dislike for co-education for the fc&ine reason. Thus we have exhibited Ihe first state of mind of the reformed loward the reformer. It is not until the reformed has grown used to the new fcfe that he appreciates its advantages , t/et the girls continue their altruistic Ivork. In time they will get their re- fcrard. One of the smaller religious denom r i -nations , which has been looking over Ihe field In Cuba , has finally decided that its own present duty will be done Triien it prepares and circulates trans lations of certain important tracts among the better-educated classes. "It \ nrould be a notable achievement , " adds Ihe report "if we could take part in this way in the religious education of Ihe Cubans , while at the same time so broadening and consecrating their na tures that they will join themselves to the churches already maintained in the island , and learn to work in har mony for the good of the community Trith people from whom they differ the ologically. " Indeed , that would be a notable achievement if carried out in some places nearer home. It is a pleasing fact that , uotwith- ftflnding the g.ow'.ii" number of di- Vurccs and separations and the pes simistic philosophizing of those who boinment upon this increase , golden Wedding celebrations have become al- Jnost a commonplace , and the number hf "Jo Johns" who , with their wives , nave decided to "sleep thegither at the foot" of the hnl of * life is oncoUrtiginly large. Of course the coupleswho are now celebrating their goldVif/Wea dings trere married before the emancipation of woman was spelt with so large an E , nnd one must wait for statistics in or der to learn what the modem tenden cies are in this regard. Literature is now paying its respect to the many- years-married heroines , aud it is not long since Mr. Howells published his 'Tneir Silver Wedding Journey , " in which novel he had the audacity to in troduce , as journeying hero and hero ine , the same pair whose first wedding Journey he had celebrated in one of his earlier novels. Later , no doubt , we shall have "Their Golden Wedding Journey , " and. perhaps , readers will find It as absorbingly interesting as "was the first one. There are those who declare that from a material standpoint the golden Avedding is a mist ike. inas much as those who are that far down 4he hill have outlived a desire for gold en baubles and would be quite as con- -tent with the tin or wooden gifts thnt are the premium of a fewer number of matrimonial years. But the significance of a golden wedding does not lie in i gifts , and the word "golden" should ap ply rather to the cheering glow that emanates from the setting matrimonial sun. That men "have sought out many in ventions" is suggested anew by a table prepared at the Agricultural Depart ment , which shows the common adul terations In every-day articles of food. The facts brought out In the report are sufficient explanation of the current demand for "pure food legislatlqn. " Scientific progress lends itself to the promotion of fraud as well as to the worthy ends of life. Sour milk has from time immemorial meant a loss. But the formaldehyde solution from the chemical laboratories makes it pos sible for a dishonest milkman to treat whatever of his milk Is left over so that it will never sour. It will after a time decay slowly ; but in the meantime the milkman may work it off on unsuspect ing customers. The preparation which accomplishes this result , profitable to him , Is positively harmful to the con sumer. Its very preserving quality renders the milk difficult of digestion. Meats also are sometimes treated with preservatives. In potted and chopped meats cheaper varieties than those sup posed to be present are often intro duced. Molasses and honey may be ex panded with glucose , maple sugar with cane sugar , and confectionery with many more or less harmful ingredients. Tomatoes are sometimes treated with preservatives , and occasionally with artificial coloring matter. Cocoas , jel lies and spices are especially subject to adulteration. The things which have been found in pepper alone would al most make a course dinner. Among them , according to the government chemists , are buckwheat hulls , rice , sago , cocoa nut shells , olive stones , sand and coloring matter. Legislation for the protection of the public along these lines must necessarily be enacted with caution. A lower-priced ingredient may be entirely wholesome and there fore legitimate , provided the people are Informed what they are buying. Many persons , for example , think a mixture of quince and apple has a richer flavor than the pure quince. Obviously it is cheaper. Selling such a mixture does no violence to health or morals , if sold for exactljwhat it is. But in any event compounds clearly prejudicial to health should be rigidly excluded. The President's advice to his boy friend is good as far as it goes. "Don't foul , don't flinch , hit the line hard , " applies well enough to the football or strenuous side of life. "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do , do it with thy might , " is a proverb as old as Solomon , and the President's motto Js but a mod ern paraphrase of it , but we are also bid to remember that "the race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong , neither yet bread to the wise nor riches to men of understanding nor yet favor to men of skill , but time and chance happeneth to them all. " And yet. from the general point of view , the President's maxims are sound enough. "Don't foul. " Don't be guilty of mean actions , don't lie or steal , or do unworthy things , but play fair : Be just , upright honorable and generous. Do nothing that will bring a blush to your cheeks in the remem brance of it this and more is included n the President's first precept. "Don't flinch. " Press forward with resolute purpose , and ever let courage mount with the occasion. Show an undaunted front , no matter how hard pressed you may be. and remember that fortune al ways favors 'the brave. Many a man has wrested victory from defeat simply because he did not know when he was whipped. Courage is not everything , but is much. "Don't flinch. " "Hit the line hard. " This applies to every kind of contest intellectual and moral as well as physical. Whatever object you have In view , be prepared for it to the utmost Equip yourself completely. If it Is , an argument in court go to the boftom of the question , understand it , support it with all the logic and author-i ity you can find and hurl it at your op ponents like shot from n catapult. "Hit the line hard. " If it is a sermon , con sider what you want to say to convince men of the truth that is in you. Make it as direct , simple and earnest as you can , believe it yourself , and then "hit the line hard. " If it is a business under taking out of the ordinary routine , con sider it in all its bearings , depend on no element of luck or chance , and , hav ing mastered the situation , go as direct as a rifle shot to your mark. No matter what you have to do. when you are good and ready "hit the line hard. " This above all : to thine own self be true. And it must follow as thi night the < lay , Thon canst not then be false to any man. An Unanswered Question. After the destruction of the city , why was it that the inhabitants of Pompeii did not return to their homes ? Of the thirty thousand inhabitants a few hundreds at'most seem to have lost their lives. The eruption of Vesu vius lasted only a few days. The de posit of lava and ashes was not very thick. The houses , might have been easily repaired. Many of them stand to this day. They were beautiful liouses. many of them , richly appoint ed , and containing valuables of great [ > rice. Had the Pompeiians no love of koine , or were they too superstitious , or did their terror at the eruption make them believe the disaster might come again ? Not Progressive. Pure blood Indians in the City of Mexico are never seen riding on the electric cars. They go and come from he neighboring towns always on foot > r on the more sure ami nnderailnbli 'burros. " This is due to the horrui la "devil-like" truiiv * inspire in the In linns. i LOOPS THE LOOP A-WHEEL. "Diavolo" loops the loop on a bicycle twice a day In a circus for $1,000 a week. "Diavolo" is a man of mathematical turn of mind and became greatly in terested in the "loop the loop" which was built at Coney Island last sum mer. He rode around in the little carts and finally made the trip standing up Then it occurred to him that If he could make the trip standing up in a cart , he could make it on roller skates After considerable figuring he discard ed the roller-skate idea and fixed upon a bicycle. He is not a trick rider , but he believed he could ride a wliee through the loop. He interested others and finally the engineer who designed and built the Coney Island loop figured out a loop for "Diavolo. " The first trip was a success and many others have since been made by the daring rider. As long as the rider holds his wheel steady there is no danger , but should he swerve but for a moment the chances are the ambulance would car ry him away. "Diavolo" was formerly a barber in New York City. COST OF THE NAVY. Battleship Fully as Expensive as a Great Government Building : . AVe are accustomed to hear the navy spoken of as the pride of the Ameri can people. The beauty , speed , and power of its ships , the fact that they were all built in American ship-yards , the good account which officers and men have always given of themselves when occasion arose , and the almost unbroken series of victories our ships have won since the days of Paul Jones justify national admiration. But with out being a puffed-up people we > are entitled to be proud of other things. There , for example , is the new build ing of the Library of Congress at AVashington. No modern building of Europe surpasses it in beauty no li brary building in the world equals it. Every day it is visited by hundreds of our people coining from all parts of the Union. Scholars delve in its am ple reading rooms. Art lovers stroll through the spacious corridors deco rated by the most eminent American painters. As a treasury of learning and of art it is justly the pride of the American people , and it cost only the price of one battle-ship. A recent official document issued by the Navy Department gives , for the first time , intelligible information con cerning what it costs to keep these battle-ships each of which represents a possible Library of Congress build ing in repairs. The Indiana , for exam ple , cost hi round numbers $ < > ,000.00 < ) , and has had $282,000 spent on her in repairs , though one of the newest in the new navy. The Massachusetts , costing about the same , has needed $223,000 repairs , while the Philadel phia , costing a beggarly $2.000.000. has cost $ ; > 14.0)0 ! ) , or more than 2. per cent of her cost , to keep her in order. Since 1888 the Xavy Department has paid out $ iM,000 ) : ( ! for repairs , or. including construction , more than $110,000.000 in all. Withal we are only fifth among uaval powers.Pilgrim. . Art Collector's Novel Idea. One of Philadelphia's collectors ot modern paintings pursues an original and happy idea , which adds much to his gallery's value. He sends to the creator of each of his pictures if the painter be living and if he be dead to some member of his family a photo graph of the work and across the face or the margin of the photograph the painter certifies in obedience to the collector's request that lie executed the picture of which the photograph is a copy. Usually , too. he tells where and in what year he p.iinted it ; he gives its name and he appends a little criticism of it , favorable or unfavor able , as the case may be. Thus the collector has a beautiful and large Thaulow , a study of running water , and under the photograph of this picture Thaulow himself says he regards it as one of his best works. He also has a superb Jacque , showing cows , chickens , horses , figures and in struments of agriculture. .Tacque's son writes of this work an admirable appreciation. Such men as Gerome , Bouguereau , Benjamin Constant , Cazin , Dagnan. Bouveret , Schreyer , Ridgway , Knight and many others , says the Philadel- puhia Record , certify and criticize in this way the works of theirs that the collection includes. Technically All Right. "The moving-picture' machine ia broken , " said the manager of the dime museum , "and we have a crowd of visitors from up the State who came in on the express purpose that they should see the pictures in motion. " "That's bad. " said the assistant manager. "What shall we do ? " / "How Avould it work to have the tat- t ( oeil man go on the stage and dance a hornpipe ? ' ' Baltimore American. 4 LET US ALL LAUGH. JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA RIOUS HUMORISTS. Pleasant Incidents Occurring the World Over Sayinita that Are Cheer ful to Old or Young Funny Selec tions that Yon Will Enjoy. In the course of an object lesson on the "Cat" in a Philadelphia public school the teaclier trying to find out what her pupils remembered of the pre vious lesson , asked this question : "What boy can tell me to what fam ily the cat belongs ? " After questioning eight or ten boys , she was giving up in despair , when a hand was raised. "Well , " asked the teacher. "I think the cat belongs to the family that owns it * ' was the diminutive pu pil's answer. Philadelphia Times. No Time to Make Knemies. "Has she many friends in society ? " "Yes , quite a number. She only came out two years ago. " Naturally. "She's awfully stuck up. " "Naturally. Her father made all his money as a bill poster. ' ' New Kind of Trouble. "Wealthy , is lie ? Why. the last time I saw him he had trouble keeping the wolf from the door. ' ' "Well , now ho has trouble keeping his poor relations from the porte coehere. " -Catholic Standard and Times. Quite Knglish. Aunt Dobby ( viewing rhe city ) What does that sign "Misfit Store" mean ? Undo Abner ( a close observer ) I s'poso that's where these 'ere angler- maniacs gets measured for clothes so folks'll think they was made in London. -New York Weekly. Saved by the Signal Service. Longleigh Then you didn't propose to Miss Gorrox aftor all ? Shortleigh No. My knowledge of tho signal service code saved me from mak ing a fool of myself. Jxngleigh Well , put me on. Shortleigh Just as I was about to commit myself she hoisted the cold- wave flig. Chicago News. Met His Match. Bumpus YAzziizo , the wild animal amer. has met his match at last McSmith You don't say ! How did it happen ? Bumpus He has married a "new wo- Douhtful Compliment. Mrs. Newed Just think of it , dear. I made every bit of this cake with my own hands. Xewod Is it possible ! I never sus- ) ected there was so much strength in hose fair soft hands. Of Course Not. "My wife doesn't st'eiii to be progres sing , doctor. " remarked the anxious nisbund. "No , " answered the physician ; "when she gains a little strength she uses it ill up trying to tell her friends what's he matter with her. " Philadelphia [ lecord. Sure to Be a Fight. Teacher Suppose there were four ) oys going skating , and they only had wo pairs of skates , how many boys ivould have to look on ? fcobby The two that got licked ! A Good Sign. Mistress of the House Bridget do n > u think that policeman who calls liere so often means business ? Bridget Yis , mum ; I think he do. He is begun to complain about my cookin * Already. Success to the Season. Rev. Mr. Gassaway What dirt you ihlnk of my st.uiou ? Snappe Most appropriate sermon for Lent I over heard. There Avasn't any neat in it Philadelphia Press. Progress. His Friend Are you writing a histo- ical novel ? The Literary Cuss Don't say a word , 'm writing a prehistorical novel ! uck. A Matter of Contrant. "Give an example of how heat ex- Linds and cold contracts. " "In the summer the days , are long ; : i the winter they are short' * Judge. The Head of the Household. "Of course , " said the bachelor , thoughtfully , "there can be no such thing as joint rule in a family. Some one must be the head. " "True , but the scepter passes from one to another. " "Plow ? " "Well , at the beginning of married life the husband holds it ; then it gently and unobtrusively passes to the wife , and he never gets it back again. " "She keeps it forever ? " "Oh , no ; the baby gets it next" Chicago Post The Maeic of Time. "What a lot of rubbish ! Utterly worthless , I should say. " "Now , of course. But I shall leave it to my son , and he to his son. In tho day of my grandson it will be bric-a- brac ! " And the junkman shrugged the shrug that is the badge of all his race. Puck. At the Club. "Rounder has written a rather clever little book. 'Don'ts for Club Men. ' " "Huh ! the don'ts don't worry me half as much as the dues. " Philadelphia Press. His Plea. "Vat ? Do you mean to charge me $2 a visit ? " "That is my regular rate to every one. " "Yase. but I introduced der disease into der neighborhood ! " Life. On a I/arger Scale. "It's just horrid. Bertie , to think ot living in a flat after we are married. " "You don't love me when you talk that way. " "Oh , yes. I do , but not on n small scale. " Life. Woes of the Weatherman's Wife. "Oh. mamma , * ' cried the bride of the weatherman , "I think George is a brute ! " "Why. daughter ! " gasped the mother. "What on earth makes you say that ? " "lie knows that I am planning for my j spring dresses , and all the time he per sists in predicting snow and cold waves ! " Here she pointed a wrathful finger at the thermometer , which registered 40 degrees below organdie. Baltimore American. . A Way Out of a Difficulty. "Your uncle wari a very eccentric man. lie stipulated in his will that $100 should be buried with him ? " "All right , make out a check for that amount. " Wide. ' "You say Miss Pinkerton is accom plished. " "Why , I never met a more accom plished girl. She knew just a little about every subject I introduced. De troit Free Press. Not That Kind. Clerk Here is .some delicious cough candy. N Miss Wiselei h But I haven't a de licious i-outrli. Repartee. Pat What's repartee ? Mike It's whin a feller soright off the answer he doesn't think nv ill to morrow inarnin' . New York Sun. Friendly Advice. Maude What ! You don't mean to say that you are going to the fancy- dress hall in the character of "Night ? " Clara Yes : what of it ? Maude Oh. it's all right , of course , only it will be another case of making night hideous. A Favor to the Public. We have called. " said the head ot rlie deputation of citizens , "to protest ( against the street car service you are" giving us. Why. some of us cannot even get a strap to hang on by. " "Very well , gentlemen. I shall at once increase the service , " said the af fable magnate , while the hearts of the deputation leaped with joy. "by put ting in more straps. " Baltimore Amer ican. Overdoinu the Thincr. Tomsou Can you recommend to mt a lirsl-rate bookkeeper ? Hilton Why , I thought you had a perfect jewel. Tonison Yes , but now I am suspi cious of him ; he attends too closely to his duties and refuses to take a vaca tion. Town Topics. The Mean Man. Mrs. Scrappington If somebody should threaten to abduct me and hol i me for a ransom , what would you do ? Mr. Scrappington Laugh like thun der. April Smart Set/ Reward Seekers. "Some people , " said Uncle Eben. "is so drefful "business-like dat while dey looks foh a reward in de nex' woiT dey's mighty skeery foh fear deal do any mo' dan what's necessary to eari/ / it. " Washington Star. The Effective Wink. "Look here ! " said the mystified po llceman , "why are you winking at me : I have noticed it for the last five rain- utes. " "I thought I'd like to be protected while I was in this big town , " replied the old man with the chin whiskers , nephew that keeps a saloon in somewhar wrote me word that he just has to wink his eye at the po lice an * he gets all the protection he wants. " Chicago News. Sow Expenses Coont Up. Mr. Downton "We've got to economize , and that's all there is about it , " Mrs. Downton "Well , yon have and in office. A two men a boy your boy should be enough. Mr. Downton ' 'Thau shows all you know about business. I can't poss ibly get along without the boy , can I ? " .Mrs. Downton "CertanJy not. " . Mr. Downton "Of course not. Everybody knows that. Must have a boy to sweep ont , run errands , and do all sorts of odd jobs. " Mrs. Downton "Very true. Bub the men ? " Mr Downton "Ive got to have th men to watch the boy , " Do Your Feet Ache and Burn ? ' Foot- Allen's Shake into your shoes Ease , a powder for the feet. It makes tight or New Shoos feel Easy. Cures Corns. Bunions , Swollen. Hot and 'Sweating Feet. At all , Drllls's " ? * Shoe Stores. 2oc. Sample sent t BH. Address Allen S. Olm tfd. LeRoy. N. 1. Got Him n Job. Pretty Girl "You advertised for a typewriter" Business Man ( admiringly ) "Yes. The wages are ten 'I mean fifteen dollars a week , the hours short , and the work light. Any one with the slighest knowledge of typewrit ing can fill the positon. J am not at all critical. But my correspondence is a little behind , and the work should commence at once. Take that seat " Pretty Girl "Thank you , but I do not understand tpewritmg. I am seeking a position for ray brother , who is waiting otit. ite , and I will send him in. Thank you ever so much. You are very kind , and it's such a comfort to know that any one can till the postion , and no ex perience is required , for he hasn'fc had any. " We use Piso's Cure for Consumption in preference to any other cough medicine. Mrs. S. E. Borden , 442 P street , Wash- ington , D. C. , May 25 , 1901. Hard to Convince. Deacon DeGood "Here waiter , I'm afraid to drink city water. I'll have to take beer , " Waiter "That isn't city water , sir. It's a pure spring water , bottled in the mountains especially for this establishment. Several distin guished chemists and physicians have pronounced it the finest water ever served. Deacon De Good "Urn bring some beer anyhow. " How He Won Her. Ardent Suitor "I lay my fortune at your feet" Fair Lady "Fortune ! I did not know you had money" Ardent Suitor5' I haven't .auch ; but it takes very little to cover those tiny feet" Ji Mrs. Wlnslow'g SOOTHlMr Si'RUP for childrem teething : , softens the > rnmg , reduces inflamatioa allays paincures wind colic. Z5c bottle. A pleasant softness and fragrance is given to bathing water by throwing into it some fresh orange peel. Toe number of immigrants arriv * ing in New York during the first luarter of this year is 178.000 which is thirty thousand in excess of that forany preceding quarter. Unbleached muslin covers slipped > ver pillows before the clean cases ire put on will lengthen the exist ence of the outer case. MOR COMPLEXION ? iwill wnd you recipe lor the beat remedy known. Inn be made at home ; perfect ! ) Imrxnles * Price Za HMK. PAXCHKB. 213& SouthVoodSt ' Cross Kidney Pills Cure all Kidney ntf Bladder Troubles. Grand Island Route i m im m SS S S Double Daily Service ] FREE RECLINING CHAIR CARS ON NIGHT TRAINS. For Informitiol or fetts , tail MOD or tiittt awreat Ageat. or S. M. ADSIT , o. P. A. . ST. JOSEPfiT MO. N.N.U. NO. 723-24 YORK. NEB