THE VALENTINE DEMOCRAT
I. Iff KICK , Pub Ihher.
VALENTINE , NEBRASKA ,
And If Cuba Isn't free , she will be as
ree. 8 she can.
The oyster trust , with its double sup-
lily of the letter r , expects to be in sea-
ton the year round.
The evidence Indicates strongly thai
Christmas has got himself
up with some other person.
Another "Life of Napoleon" is an-
aawnced. Still , It isn't likely that the
arotia knows all about the Little Cor
poral even yet
A. Chicago city official has resigned
Accause he couldn't live on the salary
lie got He must have regarded public
as a public trust
Admiral Bob Evans is disgusted with
the bombastic loquacity of certain
American generals. This is by all odds
Che funniest joke of the season.
The Central States are promised the
locust. The -
eventeen-year every-year
low cuss who expectorates on the side
walks and in the street cars is out in
Dearly all the States.
Miss Stone says that Mine. Tsilka's
baby softened the hearts of the brig
ands. Ah , what a wonderful thing a
fcafcy is ! And what a pity that it has
become unfashionable.
The new $100 bills are rare works of
art ; and while their prices may not
advance much in spite of their scarcity ,
they are not likely to drop much below
par as long as Uncle Sam is running
-this continent
Women run 50 per cent slower than
men , jump ( J2 per cent as far , and
ithrow a base ball 45 per cent as far.
Now will the "woman's rights" people
jface these statistics ? Something must
Jbe done' to conserve the rights of the
lordly male.
Should the erection of free public
baths in the cities continue at the pres
ent rate plans have just been made in
one city for spending two or three mil
lion dollars on free baths it will be
necessary to find a new group of popu
lation to which to apply Burke's
phrase , "the great unwashed. "
There Is little question that a good
anany Americans eat more meat than
is healthful. A lessened use of this
staple , with an increased consumption
-of other more nutritious and less stimu
lating foods will prove valuable in as
sisting medical scientists to put to rout
jiifinmatic and other disorders that ap
pear to increase rather than diminish
with the advance of civilization.
The girl students in a class in sociol-
fcgy in Chicago University have voted
ihat they believe in co-education be
cause it makes the young men neater
n dress and more gentlemanly in be-
iiavior ; the young men have voted
neir dislike for co-education for the
fc&ine reason. Thus we have exhibited
Ihe first state of mind of the reformed
loward the reformer. It is not until the
reformed has grown used to the new
fcfe that he appreciates its advantages ,
t/et the girls continue their altruistic
Ivork. In time they will get their re-
fcrard.
One of the smaller religious denom
r i
-nations , which has been looking over
Ihe field In Cuba , has finally decided
that its own present duty will be done
Triien it prepares and circulates trans
lations of certain important tracts
among the better-educated classes. "It
\
nrould be a notable achievement , " adds
Ihe report "if we could take part in
this way in the religious education of
Ihe Cubans , while at the same time so
broadening and consecrating their na
tures that they will join themselves
to the churches already maintained in
the island , and learn to work in har
mony for the good of the community
Trith people from whom they differ the
ologically. " Indeed , that would be a
notable achievement if carried out in
some places nearer home.
It is a pleasing fact that , uotwith-
ftflnding the g.ow'.ii" number of di-
Vurccs and separations and the pes
simistic philosophizing of those who
boinment upon this increase , golden
Wedding celebrations have become al-
Jnost a commonplace , and the number
hf "Jo Johns" who , with their wives ,
nave decided to "sleep thegither at the
foot" of the hnl of * life is oncoUrtiginly
large. Of course the coupleswho are
now celebrating their goldVif/Wea dings
trere married before the emancipation
of woman was spelt with so large an E ,
nnd one must wait for statistics in or
der to learn what the modem tenden
cies are in this regard. Literature is
now paying its respect to the many-
years-married heroines , aud it is not
long since Mr. Howells published his
'Tneir Silver Wedding Journey , " in
which novel he had the audacity to in
troduce , as journeying hero and hero
ine , the same pair whose first wedding
Journey he had celebrated in one of his
earlier novels. Later , no doubt , we
shall have "Their Golden Wedding
Journey , " and. perhaps , readers will
find It as absorbingly interesting as
"was the first one. There are those who
declare that from a material standpoint
the golden Avedding is a mist ike. inas
much as those who are that far down
4he hill have outlived a desire for gold
en baubles and would be quite as con-
-tent with the tin or wooden gifts thnt
are the premium of a fewer number of
matrimonial years. But the significance
of a golden wedding does not lie in i
gifts , and the word "golden" should ap
ply rather to the cheering glow that
emanates from the setting matrimonial
sun.
That men "have sought out many in
ventions" is suggested anew by a table
prepared at the Agricultural Depart
ment , which shows the common adul
terations In every-day articles of food.
The facts brought out In the report are
sufficient explanation of the current
demand for "pure food legislatlqn. "
Scientific progress lends itself to the
promotion of fraud as well as to the
worthy ends of life. Sour milk has
from time immemorial meant a loss.
But the formaldehyde solution from
the chemical laboratories makes it pos
sible for a dishonest milkman to treat
whatever of his milk Is left over so that
it will never sour. It will after a time
decay slowly ; but in the meantime the
milkman may work it off on unsuspect
ing customers. The preparation which
accomplishes this result , profitable to
him , Is positively harmful to the con
sumer. Its very preserving quality
renders the milk difficult of digestion.
Meats also are sometimes treated with
preservatives. In potted and chopped
meats cheaper varieties than those sup
posed to be present are often intro
duced. Molasses and honey may be ex
panded with glucose , maple sugar with
cane sugar , and confectionery with
many more or less harmful ingredients.
Tomatoes are sometimes treated with
preservatives , and occasionally with
artificial coloring matter. Cocoas , jel
lies and spices are especially subject to
adulteration. The things which have
been found in pepper alone would al
most make a course dinner. Among
them , according to the government
chemists , are buckwheat hulls , rice ,
sago , cocoa nut shells , olive stones , sand
and coloring matter. Legislation for
the protection of the public along these
lines must necessarily be enacted with
caution. A lower-priced ingredient
may be entirely wholesome and there
fore legitimate , provided the people are
Informed what they are buying. Many
persons , for example , think a mixture
of quince and apple has a richer flavor
than the pure quince. Obviously it is
cheaper. Selling such a mixture does
no violence to health or morals , if sold
for exactljwhat it is. But in any event
compounds clearly prejudicial to health
should be rigidly excluded.
The President's advice to his boy
friend is good as far as it goes. "Don't
foul , don't flinch , hit the line hard , "
applies well enough to the football or
strenuous side of life. "Whatsoever
thy hand findeth to do , do it with thy
might , " is a proverb as old as Solomon ,
and the President's motto Js but a mod
ern paraphrase of it , but we are also
bid to remember that "the race is not
to the swift nor the battle to the
strong , neither yet bread to the wise
nor riches to men of understanding
nor yet favor to men of skill , but time
and chance happeneth to them all. "
And yet. from the general point of
view , the President's maxims are
sound enough. "Don't foul. " Don't be
guilty of mean actions , don't lie or
steal , or do unworthy things , but play
fair : Be just , upright honorable and
generous. Do nothing that will bring a
blush to your cheeks in the remem
brance of it this and more is included
n the President's first precept. "Don't
flinch. " Press forward with resolute
purpose , and ever let courage mount
with the occasion. Show an undaunted
front , no matter how hard pressed you
may be. and remember that fortune al
ways favors 'the brave. Many a man
has wrested victory from defeat simply
because he did not know when he was
whipped. Courage is not everything ,
but is much. "Don't flinch. " "Hit the
line hard. " This applies to every kind
of contest intellectual and moral as
well as physical. Whatever object you
have In view , be prepared for it to the
utmost Equip yourself completely. If
it Is , an argument in court go to the
boftom of the question , understand it ,
support it with all the logic and author-i
ity you can find and hurl it at your op
ponents like shot from n catapult. "Hit
the line hard. " If it is a sermon , con
sider what you want to say to convince
men of the truth that is in you. Make
it as direct , simple and earnest as you
can , believe it yourself , and then "hit
the line hard. " If it is a business under
taking out of the ordinary routine , con
sider it in all its bearings , depend on
no element of luck or chance , and , hav
ing mastered the situation , go as direct
as a rifle shot to your mark. No matter
what you have to do. when you are
good and ready "hit the line hard. "
This above all : to thine own self be true.
And it must follow as thi night the < lay ,
Thon canst not then be false to any man.
An Unanswered Question.
After the destruction of the city ,
why was it that the inhabitants of
Pompeii did not return to their homes ?
Of the thirty thousand inhabitants a
few hundreds at'most seem to have
lost their lives. The eruption of Vesu
vius lasted only a few days. The de
posit of lava and ashes was not very
thick. The houses , might have been
easily repaired. Many of them stand
to this day. They were beautiful
liouses. many of them , richly appoint
ed , and containing valuables of great
[ > rice. Had the Pompeiians no love of
koine , or were they too superstitious ,
or did their terror at the eruption
make them believe the disaster might
come again ?
Not Progressive.
Pure blood Indians in the City of
Mexico are never seen riding on the
electric cars. They go and come from
he neighboring towns always on foot
> r on the more sure ami nnderailnbli
'burros. " This is due to the horrui
la "devil-like" truiiv * inspire in the In
linns.
i LOOPS THE LOOP A-WHEEL.
"Diavolo" loops the loop on a bicycle
twice a day In a circus for $1,000 a
week.
"Diavolo" is a man of mathematical
turn of mind and became greatly in
terested in the "loop the loop" which
was built at Coney Island last sum
mer. He rode around in the little carts
and finally made the trip standing up
Then it occurred to him that If he
could make the trip standing up in a
cart , he could make it on roller skates
After considerable figuring he discard
ed the roller-skate idea and fixed upon
a bicycle. He is not a trick rider , but
he believed he could ride a wliee
through the loop.
He interested others and finally the
engineer who designed and built the
Coney Island loop figured out a loop
for "Diavolo. " The first trip was a
success and many others have since
been made by the daring rider.
As long as the rider holds his wheel
steady there is no danger , but should
he swerve but for a moment the
chances are the ambulance would car
ry him away. "Diavolo" was formerly
a barber in New York City.
COST OF THE NAVY.
Battleship Fully as Expensive as a
Great Government Building : .
AVe are accustomed to hear the navy
spoken of as the pride of the Ameri
can people. The beauty , speed , and
power of its ships , the fact that they
were all built in American ship-yards ,
the good account which officers and
men have always given of themselves
when occasion arose , and the almost
unbroken series of victories our ships
have won since the days of Paul Jones
justify national admiration. But with
out being a puffed-up people we > are
entitled to be proud of other things.
There , for example , is the new build
ing of the Library of Congress at
AVashington. No modern building of
Europe surpasses it in beauty no li
brary building in the world equals it.
Every day it is visited by hundreds of
our people coining from all parts of
the Union. Scholars delve in its am
ple reading rooms. Art lovers stroll
through the spacious corridors deco
rated by the most eminent American
painters. As a treasury of learning
and of art it is justly the pride of the
American people , and it cost only the
price of one battle-ship.
A recent official document issued by
the Navy Department gives , for the
first time , intelligible information con
cerning what it costs to keep these
battle-ships each of which represents
a possible Library of Congress build
ing in repairs. The Indiana , for exam
ple , cost hi round numbers $ < > ,000.00 < ) ,
and has had $282,000 spent on her in
repairs , though one of the newest in
the new navy. The Massachusetts ,
costing about the same , has needed
$223,000 repairs , while the Philadel
phia , costing a beggarly $2.000.000. has
cost $ ; > 14.0)0 ! ) , or more than 2. per cent
of her cost , to keep her in order. Since
1888 the Xavy Department has paid
out $ iM,000 ) : ( ! for repairs , or. including
construction , more than $110,000.000 in
all. Withal we are only fifth among
uaval powers.Pilgrim. .
Art Collector's Novel Idea.
One of Philadelphia's collectors ot
modern paintings pursues an original
and happy idea , which adds much to
his gallery's value. He sends to the
creator of each of his pictures if the
painter be living and if he be dead to
some member of his family a photo
graph of the work and across the face
or the margin of the photograph the
painter certifies in obedience to the
collector's request that lie executed
the picture of which the photograph is
a copy. Usually , too. he tells where
and in what year he p.iinted it ; he
gives its name and he appends a little
criticism of it , favorable or unfavor
able , as the case may be.
Thus the collector has a beautiful
and large Thaulow , a study of running
water , and under the photograph of
this picture Thaulow himself says he
regards it as one of his best works.
He also has a superb Jacque , showing
cows , chickens , horses , figures and in
struments of agriculture. .Tacque's
son writes of this work an admirable
appreciation.
Such men as Gerome , Bouguereau ,
Benjamin Constant , Cazin , Dagnan.
Bouveret , Schreyer , Ridgway , Knight
and many others , says the Philadel-
puhia Record , certify and criticize in
this way the works of theirs that the
collection includes.
Technically All Right.
"The moving-picture' machine ia
broken , " said the manager of the dime
museum , "and we have a crowd of
visitors from up the State who came
in on the express purpose that they
should see the pictures in motion. "
"That's bad. " said the assistant
manager.
"What shall we do ? " /
"How Avould it work to have the tat-
t ( oeil man go on the stage and dance a
hornpipe ? ' ' Baltimore American.
4
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over Sayinita that Are Cheer
ful to Old or Young Funny Selec
tions that Yon Will Enjoy.
In the course of an object lesson on
the "Cat" in a Philadelphia public
school the teaclier trying to find out
what her pupils remembered of the pre
vious lesson , asked this question :
"What boy can tell me to what fam
ily the cat belongs ? "
After questioning eight or ten boys ,
she was giving up in despair , when a
hand was raised.
"Well , " asked the teacher.
"I think the cat belongs to the family
that owns it * ' was the diminutive pu
pil's answer. Philadelphia Times.
No Time to Make Knemies.
"Has she many friends in society ? "
"Yes , quite a number. She only came
out two years ago. "
Naturally.
"She's awfully stuck up. "
"Naturally. Her father made all his
money as a bill poster. ' '
New Kind of Trouble.
"Wealthy , is lie ? Why. the last time
I saw him he had trouble keeping the
wolf from the door. ' '
"Well , now ho has trouble keeping his
poor relations from the porte coehere. "
-Catholic Standard and Times.
Quite Knglish.
Aunt Dobby ( viewing rhe city ) What
does that sign "Misfit Store" mean ?
Undo Abner ( a close observer ) I
s'poso that's where these 'ere angler-
maniacs gets measured for clothes so
folks'll think they was made in London.
-New York Weekly.
Saved by the Signal Service.
Longleigh Then you didn't propose
to Miss Gorrox aftor all ?
Shortleigh No. My knowledge of tho
signal service code saved me from mak
ing a fool of myself.
Jxngleigh Well , put me on.
Shortleigh Just as I was about to
commit myself she hoisted the cold-
wave flig. Chicago News.
Met His Match.
Bumpus YAzziizo , the wild animal
amer. has met his match at last
McSmith You don't say ! How did it
happen ?
Bumpus He has married a "new wo-
Douhtful Compliment.
Mrs. Newed Just think of it , dear. I
made every bit of this cake with my
own hands.
Xewod Is it possible ! I never sus-
) ected there was so much strength in
hose fair soft hands.
Of Course Not.
"My wife doesn't st'eiii to be progres
sing , doctor. " remarked the anxious
nisbund.
"No , " answered the physician ; "when
she gains a little strength she uses it
ill up trying to tell her friends what's
he matter with her. " Philadelphia
[ lecord.
Sure to Be a Fight.
Teacher Suppose there were four
) oys going skating , and they only had
wo pairs of skates , how many boys
ivould have to look on ?
fcobby The two that got licked !
A Good Sign.
Mistress of the House Bridget do
n > u think that policeman who calls
liere so often means business ?
Bridget Yis , mum ; I think he do. He
is begun to complain about my cookin *
Already.
Success to the Season.
Rev. Mr. Gassaway What dirt you
ihlnk of my st.uiou ?
Snappe Most appropriate sermon for
Lent I over heard. There Avasn't any
neat in it Philadelphia Press.
Progress.
His Friend Are you writing a histo-
ical novel ?
The Literary Cuss Don't say a word ,
'm writing a prehistorical novel !
uck.
A Matter of Contrant.
"Give an example of how heat ex-
Linds and cold contracts. "
"In the summer the days , are long ;
: i the winter they are short' * Judge.
The Head of the Household.
"Of course , " said the bachelor ,
thoughtfully , "there can be no such
thing as joint rule in a family. Some
one must be the head. "
"True , but the scepter passes from
one to another. "
"Plow ? "
"Well , at the beginning of married
life the husband holds it ; then it gently
and unobtrusively passes to the wife ,
and he never gets it back again. "
"She keeps it forever ? "
"Oh , no ; the baby gets it next"
Chicago Post
The Maeic of Time.
"What a lot of rubbish ! Utterly
worthless , I should say. "
"Now , of course. But I shall leave
it to my son , and he to his son. In tho
day of my grandson it will be bric-a-
brac ! "
And the junkman shrugged the shrug
that is the badge of all his race. Puck.
At the Club.
"Rounder has written a rather clever
little book. 'Don'ts for Club Men. ' "
"Huh ! the don'ts don't worry me half
as much as the dues. " Philadelphia
Press.
His Plea.
"Vat ? Do you mean to charge me $2
a visit ? "
"That is my regular rate to every
one. "
"Yase. but I introduced der disease
into der neighborhood ! " Life.
On a I/arger Scale.
"It's just horrid. Bertie , to think ot
living in a flat after we are married. "
"You don't love me when you talk
that way. "
"Oh , yes. I do , but not on n small
scale. " Life.
Woes of the Weatherman's Wife.
"Oh. mamma , * ' cried the bride of the
weatherman , "I think George is a
brute ! "
"Why. daughter ! " gasped the mother.
"What on earth makes you say that ? "
"lie knows that I am planning for my j
spring dresses , and all the time he per
sists in predicting snow and cold
waves ! "
Here she pointed a wrathful finger at
the thermometer , which registered 40
degrees below organdie. Baltimore
American. .
A Way Out of a Difficulty.
"Your uncle wari a very eccentric
man. lie stipulated in his will that
$100 should be buried with him ? "
"All right , make out a check for that
amount. "
Wide.
' "You say Miss Pinkerton is accom
plished. "
"Why , I never met a more accom
plished girl. She knew just a little
about every subject I introduced. De
troit Free Press.
Not That Kind.
Clerk Here is .some delicious cough
candy.
N Miss Wiselei h But I haven't a de
licious i-outrli.
Repartee.
Pat What's repartee ?
Mike It's whin a feller soright off
the answer he doesn't think nv ill to
morrow inarnin' . New York Sun.
Friendly Advice.
Maude What ! You don't mean to
say that you are going to the fancy-
dress hall in the character of "Night ? "
Clara Yes : what of it ?
Maude Oh. it's all right , of course ,
only it will be another case of making
night hideous.
A Favor to the Public.
We have called. " said the head ot
rlie deputation of citizens , "to protest (
against the street car service you are"
giving us. Why. some of us cannot
even get a strap to hang on by. "
"Very well , gentlemen. I shall at
once increase the service , " said the af
fable magnate , while the hearts of the
deputation leaped with joy. "by put
ting in more straps. " Baltimore Amer
ican.
Overdoinu the Thincr.
Tomsou Can you recommend to mt
a lirsl-rate bookkeeper ?
Hilton Why , I thought you had a
perfect jewel.
Tonison Yes , but now I am suspi
cious of him ; he attends too closely to
his duties and refuses to take a vaca
tion. Town Topics.
The Mean Man.
Mrs. Scrappington If somebody
should threaten to abduct me and hol i
me for a ransom , what would you do ?
Mr. Scrappington Laugh like thun
der. April Smart Set/
Reward Seekers.
"Some people , " said Uncle Eben. "is
so drefful "business-like dat while dey
looks foh a reward in de nex' woiT
dey's mighty skeery foh fear deal do
any mo' dan what's necessary to eari/ /
it. " Washington Star.
The Effective Wink.
"Look here ! " said the mystified po
llceman , "why are you winking at me :
I have noticed it for the last five rain-
utes. "
"I thought I'd like to be protected
while I was in this big town , " replied
the old man with the chin whiskers ,
nephew that keeps a saloon in
somewhar wrote me word that
he just has to wink his eye at the po
lice an * he gets all the protection he
wants. " Chicago News.
Sow Expenses Coont Up.
Mr. Downton "We've got to
economize , and that's all there is
about it , "
Mrs. Downton "Well , yon have
and in office. A
two men a boy your
boy should be enough.
Mr. Downton ' 'Thau shows all you
know about business. I can't poss
ibly get along without the boy , can
I ? "
.Mrs. Downton "CertanJy not. " .
Mr. Downton "Of course not.
Everybody knows that. Must have
a boy to sweep ont , run errands ,
and do all sorts of odd jobs. "
Mrs. Downton "Very true. Bub
the men ? "
Mr Downton "Ive got to have th
men to watch the boy , "
Do Your Feet Ache and Burn ?
' Foot-
Allen's
Shake into your shoes
Ease , a powder for the feet. It makes
tight or New Shoos feel Easy. Cures
Corns. Bunions , Swollen. Hot and
'Sweating Feet. At all , Drllls's " ? *
Shoe Stores. 2oc. Sample sent t BH.
Address Allen S. Olm tfd. LeRoy. N. 1.
Got Him n Job.
Pretty Girl "You advertised for a
typewriter"
Business Man ( admiringly ) "Yes.
The wages are ten 'I mean fifteen
dollars a week , the hours short ,
and the work light. Any one with
the slighest knowledge of typewrit
ing can fill the positon. J am not at
all critical. But my correspondence
is a little behind , and the work
should commence at once. Take
that seat "
Pretty Girl "Thank you , but I do
not understand tpewritmg. I am
seeking a position for ray brother ,
who is waiting otit. ite , and I will
send him in. Thank you ever so
much. You are very kind , and it's
such a comfort to know that any
one can till the postion , and no ex
perience is required , for he hasn'fc
had any. "
We use Piso's Cure for Consumption in
preference to any other cough medicine.
Mrs. S. E. Borden , 442 P street , Wash-
ington , D. C. , May 25 , 1901.
Hard to Convince.
Deacon DeGood "Here waiter , I'm
afraid to drink city water. I'll have
to take beer , "
Waiter "That isn't city water ,
sir. It's a pure spring water , bottled
in the mountains especially for this
establishment. Several distin
guished chemists and physicians
have pronounced it the finest water
ever served.
Deacon De Good "Urn bring
some beer anyhow. "
How He Won Her.
Ardent Suitor "I lay my fortune
at your feet"
Fair Lady "Fortune ! I did not
know you had money"
Ardent Suitor5' I haven't .auch ;
but it takes very little to cover those
tiny feet"
Ji
Mrs. Wlnslow'g SOOTHlMr Si'RUP for childrem
teething : , softens the > rnmg , reduces inflamatioa
allays paincures wind colic. Z5c bottle.
A pleasant softness and fragrance
is given to bathing water by throwing
into it some fresh orange peel.
Toe number of immigrants arriv *
ing in New York during the first
luarter of this year is 178.000 which
is thirty thousand in excess of that
forany preceding quarter.
Unbleached muslin covers slipped
> ver pillows before the clean cases
ire put on will lengthen the exist
ence of the outer case.
MOR COMPLEXION ?
iwill wnd you recipe lor the beat remedy known.
Inn be made at home ; perfect ! ) Imrxnles * Price Za
HMK. PAXCHKB. 213& SouthVoodSt '
Cross Kidney Pills
Cure all Kidney ntf
Bladder Troubles.
Grand Island
Route
i m im m SS S S
Double Daily Service ]
FREE RECLINING CHAIR
CARS ON NIGHT TRAINS.
For Informitiol or fetts , tail MOD or tiittt
awreat Ageat. or
S. M. ADSIT , o. P. A. .
ST. JOSEPfiT MO.
N.N.U. NO. 723-24 YORK. NEB
