CAS For Infanta and CMldren. The Kind You Have Always Bought . Bears tho { Signature of Ifullun * Abhor Triplets. Jfrofeaaor W. .T. ilcGee of the bru- Iteau of ethnology , tells a good story 61 his lust trip to the land of the Se- hs , the most dangerous of all Mexi- kan tribe * . He was learning the irords denoting relationship , such as father , mother , then went on to child fetid baby. He secured the correct word lor baby in the Scri tongue itiU also for twins ; but when he jkskedfor , the ooe meaning triplets a tuddsn change came over Ihe entire group surrounding him. Every man , Iroman and child solemnly arose and turning their hacks on him walked kway. He then learned thai the ap pearance of triplets JD a family was , among these Indians , a crime pun- kpliuble with death to the father , toother aud many of the family , and that the mere mention of such a hein ous offense could not be tolerated in polite society.Washlugon Star. Diet Inn ry A teacher of French now in thb elty tells a story of the diilioulty she experienced in leaning English wheu she first came here and of S ( me of tho ludicrous blunders she made , now Uiat she appreciates the full force of Certain of tbe terms and woids that made up her earler vocabulary. The teacher had grown tired of chops and steaks , and one or two more standard articles of food , and she Beamed for a meal made up of such things as she had eaten : : L 1) ) : uu , no tably calf's brains a , la Mi.ru jrcLit . spinach chopped line v , ilh an < . dressng , and one or two other di-liu. She made out her bill of fuiu : ui > i.- * . ' until she came to the brains , auj i > find an equivalent she had recourse to her diotiounary. This isrhat she isked for at a butcher's shop : "And plees some of some of ze intelligence ol ze calf. " 2ew York Times. Hrs. J. IL Haskins , of Chicago HI. , President Chicago Arcade Club , Addresses Comforting TYords to Women Eegarding i Childbirth. "DEAR MRS. PrxKnAii : Mothers need not dread childbearing1 after they know the vahe of Liyclia K. Pink- liam's Vegetable Compound. \Vhilc I loved children I dreaded the ordeal , for it left me weak and sick ants. J. n. HASIUXS. lor months after , and at the time I thought death was a welcome relief ; but before my last child was horn a rood neighbor advised ! Lydial3.PilLk- bam's Vegetable Compound , and I used that , together with your Pills und Sanntive Wash for four months before tlws child's birth ; it brought me wonderful relief. I hardly had an acho or pain , and when the child was ten days old I left my Led strong in health , Everv spring : > ndf all I now teilce abottlo of Iiydia E.Pfnkliam * s Vegr- etallo Compound and find it keeps mo In continual excellent health. " URS. J. H. BASKINS , 3248 Indiana Ave. , Chicago , 111. $6000 fot felt If ahoy t testtmo. afals mt genuine. Caro and careful counsel ig what tbe expectant andvouldba mother needs , and this counsel lie can secure without cost by Tfrritiur to Mrs. IMiikimm at Mass. JUSTTHIWKOFIT Evory fcinuer his own landlord , no in cum - bmnces.his banlctircount increasing year by ye-tr , bind value iucrea-tntj , stoe * increasing , splen did climate , exc Heat I schools aud churrhcs , _ _ I low taxation , high prices for cattle and grain , ow railway rates , AJK ! every eassib e ouuifort. This is tho condition of th farmer in Weiteru Canada , Province of Mtmitob * and districU of A&siulboia , Saskatchewan and Alberta. Thousands of Amcricuas art now settled there. Reduced rates on all railways for home- eekers uud gett.eri. Xetv districts are bcdti < j tmeued up thl year. The new 40-jwge Atlas of WestemCanada scut free to all applicants. A pply to F. i'odley , Supt. of iniuii. ration , Ottawa. Can. , or to W. V. Ileniitftt , 801 New York Life Uldi : . , Ouia- L * . > eb. , A uut for the Government of DO WORK IN THE WET ? THE ORIGINAL OH.E.D CL.OTH9NO- BLACJl 09TLOOW PROTECTION rVKJL LINE OPfiARMErfT A.tl.TPWeKCO..B05TON.MAS3. 47 HUMOIi OP THE WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Md , Cnrions and Laughable Phase * of Human Nature Graphically Por trayed by Imminent Word Artists of Oar Own Day A Budget of Fun. First Wafter What are you thinking about ? Second Walter I'mwondering whether to lay myself out for a tip from that man or not. I can't tell whether If s his wife or an actress he's with him. Philadelphia Press. Juat to I > 1 'tf5C l cr. "u ho giv me de black eye ? I guv It to meself ; 'cause ino loidy fren' said she liked black eyes. " Almost Past Belief. "Ho\v bald-headed Uncle Henry is , pa ! " exclaimed Willie Bocrum. "Yes , " responded Mr. Boeruin im pressively , "to look at him you would never suppose that your Uncle Henry was once a famous football player. " TJrooklyn Eagle. A Suspicions Clrcutimtnnce. Mrs. Hokorn ( sympathetically ) Why what in the world's the matter , So- ma u thy ? Mrs. Ilayrake ( sobbin ly ) Oh , dear Hiram's driftin' away from me , an' boo-hoo I'm sure there's another wo man in the case. Mrs. Hokorn Why , what put sleh a silly idear ha your head ? Mrs. Hayrake He went tew a bar ber's yesterday tew git his hair cut Instead uv lettin' me cut It , as he al ways done before. Puck. Betting Him He Pshaw ! There's nothing re markable in knowing how to cook. She That's all you know about It There Is everything in the making o hash. Chicago News. A liri ht Outlook. Clara Those autumnal days make me sad. Clarence Oh , cheer up , dearie ; we've got half a load of coal left over from last year. Hia 31 can in K. It was after the church fair , and h was surveying his purchase. "Why do you speak of the cost a * 'The Charge of the Light Brigade ? " she asked. "It seems to me the charge was a heavy one. " " " admitted "but gir "True , he ; every at that table was a blonde. " Chicago Evening Post. A Man to Despise. Guy Are you making a good star for 1902 ? Percy That's what. I've got all ray next Christmas gifts bought and paid lor. " An Essential DiTerence. { Old Lady You are looking for work , I presume. .Dusty Rhodes ( in a burst of confi deuce ) Well , no , ma'am , not exactly I am trying to look as if I were looking for It. Soinerville Journal. AFTER A NIGHT OUT. * Why did you let yourself get into the clutches of the vrntch Inst lght ? You could easily have cicdqtul him. " " 'Tw.ia iny only move. Othcnvlse I'd have got into the clutches of my The Conk'a Tresses. "Don't yuu think tluuew cook Is pretty , deJirV" she s\5il. ' " D. Spep- TE'm ! rather , grumbled sey. sey."And such beautiful hair. 1 wish I hud it. " "Bo patient , " said he , as he exam ined a forkful of hash , "aud uo doubt we'll both get It by degrees. " Catho lic Standard and Times. The Reason Why. -lack It's no use ; your father wou't ils'.en to me , and yet you assured lue that he wanted to get you off his hands. Helen Perhaps that's why he won't listen to you. Con-soliujr. Penelope I cannot see how Ethel ' an bear to have her fiance play foot- hail. Constance Oh. Ethel is one of those people who would look especially well in mourning. Brooklyn Eagle. Over the Teacup. "Miltou had an ill-tempered wife , " he said , "and she finally left his In.use. " " 1'es , dear , " replied his wife , "and tvheu she was gone he wrote 'Paradise Losr. ' " Atlanta Constitution. His Refusal. "That man once offered me money for tny vote , " remarked the practical pulitician. "And you refusud It with scorn ? " "I did. My conscience wouldn't per- : ; iit me to take It It wasn't more tkan tctlf of what Is customarily paid , and t couldn't have Looked my fellow mem bers of the Legislature ia the face If I ! : ad cut pkCT. " WMbtogtea Star. I Hot 1 Nortnern Visitor And you say yoi , lynched the wrong man only a fe\i hours ago ? Heavens ! Something ouglv to be done. Southerner Something Is neln' dona stranger. Them bloodhounds bark as 1 they tas on the right track now.- PucU. Hnsh'a Only Rival " ! H your vermiform appendix , " th- surgeon told him after the operatioi was over , "we found , strange to say a small brass tack. " "That proves I was right , " feebly an swered the sick man , "when I said 1 YOs something 1 had eaten In miuci pie. " Chicago Record-Herald. Proof of It. Dr. Reaper I tell you , those autoino biles are great. I can make twice at many calls as I formerly could. Castleton Well , I always though1 those machines were bound to in crease the death rate. Judge. In Africa. First Native The missionaries woul ( like to stop cannibalism. Second Native They would ? I don'1 see why a man shouldn't eat accordini to the dictates of his * couscleuce.- Puck. Natural Error. Desk Editor "Well , that's rough. Desk Editor's Wife What's the mat ter ? " Desk Editor Oh , I wrote. "A Seen. of Rare Beauty" for a headline ove the story of a ball , and the proofreads has let it go , "A Scene of Bare Beauty. ' Somerville Journal. A Still Country. "These moonshiners are very quie while they are giving the alarm abou the approach of the revenue officers. ' "Sort of a still-alarm , eh ? " Chicagi News. Straight from the Shoulder. "And pray , sir , " said the prospec tive father-in-law , "what do you e to settle on my daughter , ant are you going to live on ? " "Oh. " rejoined the matter-of-fac youth , " 1 iuter.d to settle myself CH your daughter and I am gting to UT on you. See ? " Chicago News. A Shameless Maid * Miss Highupp I think Miss Globe troft ought to be ashamed of hersell She says she found the painting * o the old masters dreadfully stupid. Miss Wayupp 8e do uay otbera. -Hiss Highupp Yes , bmt sbe cays M -New York We Ur. " .Si Delicately formed and gently reared , women will find , in all tlie seasons of their lives , as maids or wives or mothers , that the one simple , wholesome remedy which acts gently and pleasantly and naturally , and ' which may be nsed with truly henelicial effects , under H > > any conditionswhen the system needs a laxativc--Is Syrup of Figs. It is well known to be a simple com bination of the laxative and carminative principles of plants with pleasant , aromatic liquids , which are agreeable and refreshing to the taste and acceptable to the system when its gentle cleansing is desired. Many of the ills from which women suffer are of a transient nature and do not come from any organic trouble and it is pleasant to know that they yield so promptly to the beneficial effects of Syrup of Figs , but when anything more than a laxative is needed it Is best to consult the family physician and to avoid the old-time cathartics and loudly advertised nos trums of the present day. When one needs only to remove tho strain , the torpor , the congestion , or similar ills , which attend upon a constipated condi tion of the system , use the true and gentle remedy- Syrup of Figs and enjoy freedom from tho depres sion , the aches and pains , colds and headaches , which are due to inactivity of the bowels. Only those who buy the genuine Syrup of Figa can hope to get its beneficial effects and as a guar antee of the excellence of the remedy the full name of the company California Fig Syrup Co. is printed on the front of every package and without it any preparation offered as Syrup of Figs ij fraud ulent and should be decl'ned. To those who know tho quality of tliis excellent laxative , the offer of any substitute , when Syrup of Figs is called for , is always resented by a transfer of patronage to some first-class drug establishment , whore they do not recommend , nor sell false brands , nor imitation remedies. The genuine article may be bought of all reliable druggists everywhere at 50 cents per bottle. , Au elehpanb sleeps only about four boms out of the twenty-four. Use the famous Red Crosa Ball Bine , large 2 oz. paokare 5 cents. The Russ jompany , South Bend , Ind. Honeyed words do not always con 2eal bitter feelings. Self Threading Sewing Machine Needle Give name of your machine , luid 47 ctMits and wp u HI mall you sample pacfeape of assorted , needle National Automatic hteillc Co.W Jvuosatl btreet New Yoikcity -cnfs Wanted. often waste their substance In efforts at reform. Don t forgot a large 1 i-z. paclrapp Rol Cross Ball Blue , only 5 centThe Rusa ' 'onipany , South hend , Ind. 3xo onelielieves a woman when she profe-ses to despise men. I cannot praise Piso's Cure enough for tbe wonders it has worked in curing inc. R. H. Seidel , 220(5 ( Olive street , St. Louis , Mo. , April ly , 1901. I-'cwaro t Ointiu ut fur Catarrh that < oiiltiin 'Vioroury , a < 5 mercury will surely de-slroy the sense of smell and completely derau.uf tiie whoiosybtesi whea euterlng'it through Uie uiucous surtaxes. Such articles should never be usad except ou pre criplious fiom rejiutablo physicians , as tho .lainage tliey will do LS tenfold to the good you can possiblv derive from them. Hall's Catarrh Cure , manmactured by F. J. ( Jhenoy & Co. . 'J ( Jo- do. O. , contains no mercury , and Ls taken Inter nally , acting directly U } > on the blood and mil- cotis surfaces of the system. In buying Hall's Catarrh Cure bo Mire you get the genuine. It is taken Intel nallv. and made in Toledo , Ohio , by F. J. Chenov & Co. leathrioulals tree. C -Soiu by 1 > rHKcrM. < . price 7r c. per bottle. Hull's Family Pills are the best. There is one physician in the pres cnt senate and four physicians in tbe present house of representatives. Tbere Is one clergyman in the pres ent house of representatives. Tbe crust of the earth has taken a drop near Mount Carinel , Pa. A square mile of land there bassuddea- y sunk two and a half feet. Mrs. WlnsJow's SOOTHING SYItOP for children wiling , softtu.s the gurus , reduces Clays paincu" swlnU colic. SJc bottl * . A slip of the tongue has caused the undoing of more than one good man. Set phrases constitute the strength of many an ulta-swell's conversation. Poetry has a greater charm for the maiden than for the matron. A great mind will neither gle an iffront nor bear it. Home. It is natural forwomen to wonder vhy men find a charm in homeliness. Women usually estimate the worth jf their jewels at twice the value. THE HEAI-INO CUKE IOR J SJwUTSB 1 ! i > > C { COLJi ! s SfJjgj Ely's Cream Balm Easy and pleasant to Pl usContains no in Plm. jurious drug. It is quickly absorbed. K * < j3 m. Gives itclief at oucu. jj ? | > < lVlf5MS It Opens r.nd - . . the Nasal rfts n es. lJ Alliya Inflammstion. * Eenaea of Ta te and Srwll. LTPJB Slsn , i"-0 cents ; 'iria Sir.t > , 10 ' nt . ot Dr'i-i i ts or by in.ul. KLY liKO'i'ilKRS , \\.irrottatrf t. New York" . Montana's latest natural wonder is a vast cave , which has just been dis covered about fifty miles east of Butte. A laige river with a cataract of about 100 feet was explored for a distance of several mjles without finding Its source of outlet. A few articles of stone and copper utensils and some bones were picked up in one of the large apartments explored. To Maku Food Am > etLclng. Of the garnishing of dishes too little is thought in ordinary house holds but trifling expense and some care will make many dishes agreeable to the eye as well as the palate. All soft deserts , custards etc. , look very pretty with a spinlcliug of those tiny colored candies called "trib- bles" These come in all colors , many in a pound and may be kept indefinite ly. Candied fruits add delicacy and flavor to many dishes. bo prort ; vave. M&nuroctun * jour oirn goodi. Vive ralaable uioney making necrets for lOc. Address : lha Vanneaa Movelty Cou N . C8 Oraat St. , CluvL-land. O. A Fountain Pen for SSc. A. perfect pro i-walTe pen for the people. Townsecd Co , . No. 48 TT. rd St. , 5. T , Kre , Fr e , Fna U t Soma , EaUad . Trkkt , ea Worth 1.25. Postpaid lor SOc. If not natbtled money refunded. North Weniern Jtatl Order Co. , Haaellmrrt , WlJ. Bor C3 Mat ! Order House can Bare you taoney. G nwraJ Merchan'Jl5 . Money refunded If goods not aa repre sented. Write for prices. J. C. YTheeler & Co _ Ko. 1605 E. Addlaon Are. , ChlcaifO , UL Good agenta waattd to handle a new p9.tent a ar- tlcla , 10c for sample and paxtlcularm. Allred Xew- bauer , Box 61S , Erie , Pa. Agents manufacture your own goods , rive money- ouLkln ? secrtts sent prepaid for * Sc. Addr * d : Kline Jt Co. , No. 1M8 Ojfdea St. , Phlla. , Pa. Atrenta b prosresslTei manutact&re jour own eoois. Fire Talo&ble mone/--maklnx aecreU b nt up on receipt of 25c. AddreM : Acme Supply CV , Boz 312 , St. Paul , illan. Pocket Inhaler. Sure cure for ounxhi , eoS-te , head- uche , neuraJfrlii , etc Price , Sic raob. Key Uui Sovelty Co. , No. M3 So. 3rd St. . Phlla , . Pa. Bald Heads. A guaranteed cure for baldness , pro- taotinff the growth of the hair , whUkera , etc. For- mnla wait upon receipt t Mo. Sp rlntf Jllg. Co. , No. 1529 So. llth St. , Phlla. Pa. Comforting , Soothing , Kills Pain Instantly , Nothing So Good ! AH FolIT Ki > her ; The amateur Pilgrim Choral so ciety was rendering tbe "Paradise , " in a church in Mount- clair. Elliot Marshall , a young New York lawyer , was lillng tbe building ; with a vocal decl.'irati.m that flM 'itt fell ! He fell ! Yes , msm fell ! * Jus * then there was n crash. A bench full of men and women in the chora ? suddenly broke and thfy nil fell. The audience tumbled and in the laughter ; that fo Iwcd tbe soloist fell back also , 'Jleveland Plain Dealer. jTI * I'trjuai.t. ! ril J\c "l vr.tBoiler . 5 U flrot cu v uvi vi Dr. IvJ i l ve lt - DIL It. H. UU..K.1 A. Put Up in Collapsible Tubej > . A Substitute for uu Superior to ilu&turd or anj tb ; r pbit rauu will not i lister the mi it delicntt fikin. The uiu uliyn.4 ! : aiid rur.itive qualities of this , article ure wonderful. It ivil Otoj > ihe tooth ache ui once , uiid rehme heutl.-u-lit : uud aciatica. W : recotuiiujiid it as the be-lti saft'lt external cuunttr-iriit.Hit kn ' .vn , ul.n. ai nu exteru i reme * dy for p liit in the client an < st..iuuh uad & rlieunuitic , ueural lc and fouty complaint * . A trial will prove what w ' obinn for it , an/1 id iviil bu foucd to te iavaliuibiu iu the houhold Hauy jeop.e w "It Ja the : . st of a.l your prep- l'.ife 13 wilts , at ail dru isti , or tither cr by fiidi < ; thi/i amount to ut in I/estate stuapc vre wiltmull you a ttit/e by mul. No Article sljoold U : aic ( ! > > tti by the public na- tliu iaine carriei our JuUi , a * otli rv/ise it le CHEESfcHROUtitl MANUFACIURLNU CO , 17 Sute Sirset New York CHjr. EAUJLIEST RUSSIAN MILAET. Will you be short of hay ? 11 so pL-int . plenty "of this p.-utli ally prolific mi let. 5 to 8 Toi.s of ! lich Hay Per Acre. Trice , 50 Jb * . J.90 ; 10O ltj . < S.OO Freight. Joun A. Co , La , > Vw. Q 27 fD 6 A 5 JS7 Ml mn rl I.nnt ! - Fruit , farm I" \ K O A 1. C ranch L'.nd , i . lj * It act a j imflZ C. J T ow .r.drft ? . Kiirui * ? , Olj.ll O Route Double Daily Service FREE RECLINING CHAIR CARS ON PLIGHT TRAINS. Fcr Infcrtnstion cr Rates , call upon or iddrts * oearest Ajtat , or * S. M. ADS1T , G. P. A. . * ST. .TOSEPM. MO. GREGORY Seeds rants. S nl Tor free J. J. U. SLWOliY . NO. 709-10 , YORK. NEB.