\ \
SENATE AND HOUSE.
. _ IVORK OF OUR NATIONAL LAW.
'
* "
- " MAKERS.
A. Week' * Proceedings in the Halls of
Congress Important Measures Dis
cussed and Acted Upon An Impar
tial Resume * of the Business.
On Thursday the House surpassed all
records in the expedition with which it
passed the pension appropriation hill.
Usually one of the most fruitful themes
of acrimonious partisan debate , it was
passed in twenty mi unit's without criti
cism , nlthouch carrying ? H5,233,830 , $4-
000,000 more than the act for the current
year. The House then began considera
tion of the bill to incorporate the Interna
tional American Bank. This project was
recommended by the Pan-American Con
gress in 18S9. An agreement was effected
for a vote at . " . o'clock Friday. It was
supported in debate by .Messrs. Brosius
( Rep. , Pa. ) , Adams ( Rep. . Pa. ) , Lacey
( Rep. , Iowa ) , and Walker ( Hep. . Mass. ) ,
and opposed by Mr. Cox ( Dem. . Teun. ) .
Jenkins ( Rep. , Wis.K Drijrgs ( Dem. , N.
Y. ) . ntjd Bartlett ( Dem. . Ga. ) . In the
Senate the urgent deficiency appropria
tion hill making provision for the army
and lifivy for the next six months dis
placed the Nicaragua canal bill , prevent
ing even the taking of a vote on the ques
tion of the postponement of the latter
measure until after the holidays , as had
been intended. The deficiency bill was
passed after a spirited discussion , turning
principally on the point of keeping the
volunteer -soldier1 ; m the service.
The bill to incorporate the International
American Bank was buried under an
overwhelming adverse majority of the
Hor.se en Friday. The debate upon the
measure , which opened Thuisday. was
concluded at ' o'clock. Mr. Dingley , the
floor lender of the majority , made an ar
gument in its support. The other speak
ers on Friday were Hill of Connecticut in
its tpport : and Messrs. Bell ( Pop. . Colo. ) .
Sub-.er ( Dem. . N. Y. ) . Maxwell ( Pop. ,
Neb. ) . Maddox ( Dem. . Ga. ) and Swnnson
*
( Ihra. . Vn.in ) opposition. The vote by
which the bill was defeated stood 103
yeas io 148 nays. The hill to extend the
customs and revenue laws of the United
States over the Hawaiian Islands was
passed without opposition. The bill. Mr.
Dingley explained , carried with it the
civil sen ice laws relating to appointments
in the customs and revenue service in Ha
waii.
Saturday in the House was devoted to
the Indian appropriation hill , which was
passed substantially as reported. This is
the third of the appropriation hills to pass
and il clears the calendar of the big sup
ply bills. The Senate was not in session.
Monday was suspension day in th < >
House , and several hills were passed , the
most important of which was the bill ap
propriating $30.000 for the Philadelphia
exposition of 1S99. The vote was exceed
ingly close. It had but two votes more
than the necessary two-thirds. Bills were
also passed under suspension of the rules
to authorize the distribution of the as
sets of the Frecdmeifs Bank , to enlarge
the scope of the Fish Commission to in
clude game birds , for the relief of the
Fourth Mounted Arkansas Infantry and
for the relief of John W. Lewis , of Ore
gon. The Senate had a busy day. and
there were several important speeches.
Mr. PJatt , of Connecticut , spoke against
the Vest resolution , which declares that
the United States has no power to acquire
territory. Mr. Proctor , of Vermont , and
Mr. Hale , of Maine , exchanged divergent
views upon the subject of a commission
of Senators to visit Cuba. The confer
ence report on the urgent deficiency hill
_ wi _ n rctel to. The Senatd then took up
the Nicaragua canal bill , and Mr. Berry
( Ark. ) spoke upon his amendments to the
measure.
The House resolution providing for ad-
joiirnment of Congress from Dec. 21 to
Jan. 4 was adopted by the Senate without
division on Tuesday. Mr. Gallinger favor
ably reported Mr. Proctor's resolution pro
viding for a committee of Senators to visit
Cuba and Porto Rico with a view to as
certaining the conditions on the islands
and reporting on them , with recommenda
tions. Senator Teller then addressed the
Senate upon Mr. Vest's resolution declar
ing that under the constitution no power is
given to acquire territory to be held and
M governed permanently as colonies. Sev
eral private pension bills were disposed of ,
after which Mr. Elkins called up the bill
relating to the registry of foreign built
vessels in this country. At 2 o'clock the
Nicaragua ! ! canal bill displaced the regis
try measure , and Mr. CafTery spoke in op
position to it. The debate on the agricul
tural bill wa < signalized by the first
speech in the House on the question of
annexation of the Philippines. Mr. Wil
liams of Mississippi submitted a general
argument against their annexation. After
) Mr. Williams' remarks the agricultural
*
bill was passed. It carried $3.096.322 , or
87,120 more than the current law. Be-
* adjournment for the day the confer-
t.report on the army and navy defi-
M ' bill wa adopted.
t i .ie last session of the House before the
Mioliday recess was held on Wednesday
. nil lasted but an hour. The Bailey reso-
aon directing an investigation of the
, .ght of the members who volunteered in
f 'the Spanish-American war to seats in the
House was adopted , and several bills of
minor importance were passed. One of
these provided for holding terms of the
District and Circuit courts at Hammond ,
Ind. The absence of a quorum of the
Senate saved Senator Proctor's resolution
providing for the appointment of
j a com-
I mitlee of Senators to investigate the con-
_ 2. ' . ditions in Cuba and Porto Rico during the
* ft approaching long recess of Congress from
/decisive defeat. An effort was made by
.t Mr. Daniel of Virginia to obtain consider-
v\ation \ for the resolution , but his motion
/Vustered only eight of the thirty-eight
rotes east. No business of importance
was disposed of at Wednesday's session.
Only some routine business- , including the
passage of a few private pension bills , was
transacted. Adjournment was taken to
-Tan. 4. 1899.
' Sperks from the Wires ,
\ Prince Henry of Prussia opposes the
6uilding of railroads in China by Ameri
cans.
-The United States cruiser Raleigh sail
ed from Manila for New York , via the
Suez canal.
Fifteen thousand silk operatives at Col-
feld. the German silk manufacturing cen
t ter , are on a strike.
Marquis Ito of Japan is reported to
Lave said that there is no man in China
capable of saving the empire from col
lapse.
BIG FIRE AT TERRE HAUTE.
Loss of Property by Conflagration Es
timated at $1OCOOOO.
The worst fire in Jliij history of the city
of Terre Haute , Ind. , occurred Monday
night. The blaze started in the big show
windows of the Havens & Geddes Com
pany , wholesale and retail dealers in dry
goods and notions. It is supposed that a
live electric wire set fire to ' - cotton
with which the window was decorated ,
and before the blaze could he extinguish
ed the fire spread to the decorations of
evergreens in the store and tin- building
was wrapped in Unities in an incredibly
short space of time. A conservative esti
mate of the damage is ? ! .000,000 , and the
following firms are the loser.- ? :
Havens & GwMos company $500,000
Brelnlff It Mil.rr , furniture 25,000
Piiley ft Co 100.000
Tprre Ha-Jte Shoe Co. , wholesale. . . 150,000
Albrecbt & Co. . re-tall dry goods 150,000
United SJ-ato.i HaUu ; * Company 80,000
Thcrmau SehJoss , clothiers 50,000
There were a number f small concerns
w.hlch were utterly nr.nihil.ited in the fall
oft the rear wall of ( he Havens fc Geddes
wholesale house , and the loss in ( heir case
will more than bring the total losses up to
the ! $1,000,000 mark.
The fire started at 5:80 o'clock , when
half \ the employes of th < * establishment
wereAat their homes for supper. There is
a force of 300 or more in the retail de
partment of the establishment and had
the eaiire force been present the loss of
life would have been frightful. As it is ,
Kate Maloney , a clerk in the notion de
partment , sprang from a window in the
second story and sustained injuries from
which she will probably die. Miss Lnclle
Ferguson , a clerk in the same department ,
jumped just before Miss Maloney , but
was caught 1-y some men who were watch
ing for her. She is internally injured ,
but will recover.
Louis Kramer , the trimmer , who was
in the show window when the blaze start
ed , is frightfully burned about the head
and arms. When rescued from the burn
ing building he wss insane from the pain
and begged to be killed. Firemen Auster-
lee , Walsh and S.y ! were badly injured
in the falling of a floor in the Albrecht
building and are now in the city hospital.
The fire department worked admirably
and there were many narrow escapes
among the m n.
BRYAN ON ISSUES OK 1900.
Declares that the Money Question Will
Be the Issue.
Col. W. J. Bryan arrived in Washington
from Savannah. In an interview concern
ing the Democratic issues of 1900 , he
said :
"I should say the money question , un
doubtedly. I believe the Chicago plat
form still embodies the sentiments of the
mass of the American people. I can see
no reason for a popular change of minden
on any of the issues defined in the last na
tional platform. The fact that people are
talking about the war does not neces
sarily indicate that they have abandoned
former ideas which have no reference to
the war. People can discuss matters of
temporary interest without forgetting
their political views and abandoning their
political principles. ' '
KISSER HOBSON BUSY.
Merriinac Hero Indulge * in Whole
sale Oscillatory Kxerclae.
Hobson , the hero of the Merrimac epi
sode , who is now becoming better known
as a kisser than he is as an officer of the
United States navy , kissed 417 maids
and matrons at Kansas City , before jour
neying west for new fields to conquer.
The kissing bee took place at a public re
ception.
In Chicago , Lieut. Hobson was kissed
by 163 Chicago girls at the Auditorium.
Incidentally he lectured about the war
and and the sinking of the Merrimac. The
osculatory ordeal followed the lecture ,
wlien the announcement was made that
any one who wished to greet the lieuten
ant could come up on the stage.
GLAUS SPRECKLES GIVES AID.
Subscribe * $20OOO for Destitute
Farmers of California.
The terrible destitution among the small
farmers in the southern part of Monterey
County , Cal. , has led to a general public
movement for the relief of the suffering.
The farmers are not only out of food , but
out of seed to grow crops and have no
means of getting relief , as dry weather
i'or two years has completely ruined their
crops. They have appealed to Gov. Budd
.for aid , but as he has no fund from which
be can render aid a special fund will be
subscribed. Sugar Millionaire Clans
Spreckels gave his check for $25,000 , and
others are contributing in proportion to
their wealth.
WOMEN KILLED AT FlRE.
Fatal Blaze in Fashionable Tesidcnce
District of New York City.
Two women were killed and another so
severely injured that she will die as the
result of a fire in the mansion of C. H.
Kaymond at West End avenue and Sev
enty-third street , New York. Mrs. Kay-
moud , who jumped from a second-story
window with Mrs. Underwood , is fatally
iiurt. C. H. Raymond and the servants
were rescued by firemen.
Raleigh Is Kn Route Home.
Admiral Dewey has cabled the Navy
Department that the Raleigh started
'rom Manila for New York by way of the
Suez.
Telegraphic Brevities.
Many discharged soldiers have been
employed in New York shoveling snow.
The estate of Leland Stanford of San
Francisco has paid nearly $7,000,000 in
debts and legacies.
The next national encampment of the
? . A. K. will be held at Philadelphia
Sept. 4 to U next.
Kate Plolden. colored , who was said to
be 117 years old. died in the alrashouse
it Hartford. Conn.
.John Wallace , after a year's imprison-
ni'iil at Sing Sing. N. Y. . under a ten
oats' sentence on a charge of robbery ,
of which he was innocent , has been re-
eased.
It is reported from Chicago that Joseph
, eiter is at'the bottom of a movement for
he organization of a milk trust , which is
'to regulate the price of milk on the price
if butter. "
During the first nine months of 1SOS
there were 2,220 miles of new railroads
.onstructed in the United States. This
? xceeds the total mileage of any entire
year since ISO.'J.
A. H. Long , a tenant on the Adam
Decker farm , near-Nittany , Pa. , this year
raisrd 1.228 bushels of corn on scant eight
: i5.r's of ground. This would be 153
l"sicls ! to the acre.
EPIDEMIC OF GRIP.
DREADED INFLUENZA IS AGAIN
PREVALENT.
P'eople Sufferingfrom Widespread At
tack of the Disease Its Presence in
New York and Chicago Causes Alarm
-Many Cities Yisilcd.
Grip is epidemic in Chicago. Cold
weather , followed by a rise in tempera
ture and a warm rain , brought about a
siege of influenza , severe colds and sore
throat and lungs that has not been equal
ed since the epidemic of 181)1. ) The public
is warned against the disease ami the
health authorities state that with the people
ple alone rests the question of its serious
ness this year. In consequence of the
caution necessary on the part of the pub
lic to prevent a spread of the disease , a
warning bulletin was issued by the health
department. The last epidemic of this
disease in Chicago , together with the im
pure water diseases , increased the total
deaths from 21,869 in 1S90 to 27,7o4 in
the epidemic year , 1891 an increase of
more than onefifthand numbers of the
survivors have never since regained their
former condition of mental and physical
health.
In New York the epidemic of grip has
assumed great proportions. Deaths from
grip , pneumonia and bronchitis show a
tremendous increase. It is believed that
12."i.000 persons are afllictcd. The fire de
partment is in danger of being crippled
by a heavy increase of the sick list due
to grip. The police department is also
affected. Business firms and manufac
tories employing large forces are suffer
ing. In one large oflice building where
900 people work J',00 were sick. The dis
ease is al < o prevalent in Brooklyn and
Long Island towns , and in several of the ,
cities of New Jersey , such as Newark.
Elizabeth and ll.icken.-ack.
There are at least -10.000 cast's of grip ,
in Baltimore. The drug stores have been
more crowded than the Christmas goods
establishments. In some of the publicj
schools the attendance has fallen off one j
half. Work in factories and business in.
the large stores is impeded by the sick
ness of operatives and employes. Tim
disease is generally in a mild form , al
though there has been some fatal cases.
At Annapolis and other towns through
out the State the disease K epidemic.
The disease has also invaded the na
tional capital and many ( Jovernment em
ployes are sick. Something of an idea of
the extent of the epidemic may be gained
from the following list of cities which
have made reports :
City. fY.ses.
New York 1-T , ( )00 )
Philadelphia riU.UOO
Baltimore 40,000
Dayton , Ohio 5.000
New Haven 5,000
Yale College . " -100
'
Tola ! . > r ,40'.f '
History of the J iill iemr.i.
Influenza , made its ih-sl
or grip , appear
ance in New York City in December ,
3889. It had been prevalent for some
time in Europe , which it had invaded
from the direction of Russia. In llussia
it was said to have come from the east ,
and it has been stated that it is epidemic
in China , along the banks of the Yellow
river , where there an * frequent inunda
tions , and where it is looked upon as
"mars.li fever. "
The first onset in New York vvas ex
tremely severe , the number of deaths
from all cause- * rising abruptly from 7(52 (
for the week ending Dec. 2S. 1889. to
1.202 during the succeeding week and
1.424 for the week ending Jan. 11. 1890.
From this point the epidemic gradually
declined , until in the week ending Feb. 8
the mortality was again normal , only 7 ( ! . >
deaths having been reported. The entire
epidemic thus lasted about six \\eeks.
The second onset began in the latter
part of March. 1891. the number of deaths
from all causes reported during the week
ending March 28 being 89."i. for the next
week 1,210. for the third week 1.o47 , and
for the fourth 1,208. This epidemic lasted -
ed about eight weeks.
E. A. HITCHCOCK NAMED.
He Will Succeed Mr. Bliss a * > Secretary
of the Interior.
Ethan Allen Hildaock has been ap
pointed Secretary of the Interior to suc
ceed Secretary Bliss. At present he is in
Russia as United Stales ambassador , to
Yrhich position President McKinley ap
pointed him in 189(1. ( He is a personal
friend of the President an-1 is a lineal ile-
\L1 I '
KT1IAX AT.I-.EX HITCHCOCK.
M'endaut of Col. Ethan Allen of Ticon-
deroga fame.
Ethan Allen Hitchcock was born in Mo
bile , Ala. . September. 1S..r > . In I860 , at
the urgent request of relatives engaged in
business in China , he left for that coun
try. Mr. Hitchcock remained in China
twelve years , lie returned through India
and remained two years on the continent ,
a considerable portion of the time being
spent at /Ytersburjr and Moscow.
Returning to St. Louis in 1874 , Mr.
Hitchcock engaged actively in business
until accepting the post in Russia.
Told in a Few l > inett.
Rain has broken a protracted and dam
aging drouth on the California coast.
It is expected that Gen. Lee will even
tually be given absolute authority in the
province of Havana.
The remains of a number of human
skeletons , encased in armor of at least
200 years ago , have been unearthed near
O'Neill , Neb.
There are now United States troops in
every province in Cuba except Matanzas ,
and those assigned to that province will
be there by .Ian. 1.
* _ * * * -
WHO NAMED IT "OLD GLORY ? "
Claim that the J'latr Was First So
Called by a Yankee t Jcipper.
Our Haic. the stars ami stripes , was
earned "Gltl Glory" in 1831 by a Salem
skipper , one William Driver , at that
lme captain of the brig1 Charles Dog-
.gelt. Just before the brig left Salem
a young man at the head of a party
of friends saluted Captain Driver ou
the deck of the Doggett. ami presented
him with a large and beautifully made
American Ha jr. The captain chrisrened
it "Old ( Jlory. " He took it to rhe South
Pacific , and years after , when old age
forced him to relinquish the sea. he
treasured the flair. Ca'ptain Driver re
moved to Nashville , Teini. . in 1837 ,
and lie died there in 188J. ( Previous
to the outbreak of hostilities between
the North and the South "Old Glory"
was flung to the breeze every day from
the window of his house , but , when the
bullets began to zip and the odor of
gunpowder to taint the air , the old flag
had to be secreted. It was kept out
of .sight , inside of a great bed com
fortable , until Feb. ( j , 1SC.2 , when Brig
adier General Nelson's wing of the
Union army appeared in Nashville , and
Captain Driver presented it to the gen
eral to be hoisted on the capitol.
It was run up , aticPCaptain Driver
himself did tho'ljo'-jchij/ . He watched
it through the nighCliiid , a heavy wind
coming up , Ije took it down and sent a
new flag in its place. The original
"Old Glor.\ ' was beginning to ribbon.
The second flag owned by Captain
Driver was given to the Ohio Sixth ,
when that regiment left Nashville for
home. It was placed in the rear of a
baggage wagon , where a mule nosed it
out and devoured it. The original
"Old Glory" was preserved , and , after
the death of Captain Driver , it was
presented to the Essex institute at
Salem , where it may now be seen.
Springfield , Mass. , Republican.
THE YOUNGEST CHAPLAIN.
lev. Frederick C. Brown , of the Iowa ,
Wln Went to Manila.
Chaplain Frederick C. Brown , who
went on the Iowa on her long cruise to
Manila , has the distinction of being the
youngest chaplain in the navy. Chap
lain Brown was appointed to the serv
ice last April , being at that time pastor
of the Unitarian Church of Middleboro ,
UEV. F. c. UKOW.V.
Mass. He is a fluent speaker , never
using notes of any sort , and having a
rapid and forceful delivery that always
make his addresses interesting. lie is
2. > years old and a native of Brooklyn.
He graduated from the Meadville. Pa. ,
Theological Seminary. During the war
he was on the United States steamer
Columbia , where he was very popular
with the men.
Sure to Get It Alondctl.
"It is strange that I can't get my
wife to mend my clot lies , " remarked
Mr. Bridle , in a tone of disgust. "I ask
ed her to sew a button on this vest this
morning , and she hasn'r touched it. "
"You asked her ! " said Mr. Norris.
with a slight shrug of his shoulders' .
"Yes. What else should I do ? "
"You haven't been married very long ,
.so perhaps you'll take n tip from me , ' '
answered Mr. Xorris , with a fatherly
air. "Never ask a woman to mend any
thing. That's fatal. "
"Why. what do you mean ? "
"Do as I do. When I want a siiirt
mended , for instance , 1 take it in my
hand and hunt up my wife. 'Where's
that rag bag , Mrs. Xorris ? ' I demand in
a stern voice. 'What do you wan : a
rag-bag for ? ' she says suspiciously.
' "I want to throw this shirt away ;
it's all worn out. ' I reply.
" ' ' she demands.
j 'Let me see.
"But I put the garment behind my
back. 'No , my dear , ' I answer. 'There
is no use in your attempting to do any
thing with it. '
" 'Let me see it , ' she reiterates.
" 'But it's all worn out , I tell you. '
" 'Now , John , you give me that shirt ! '
she says , in her most peremptory tone.
"I hand over the garment.
" 'Why , John Norris , ' she cries , with
womanly triumph , 'this is a perfectly
good shirt. All it needs is '
. "And then she mends it. "
Australian Aborigines.
Last year there were in New South
\Yale \ . Australia. :5.4 : > full-blood abor
igines and ol5U.'J half castes. Twelve
years back the full-bloods numbered
slightly more than double the half
castes , but since then they have de
creased at the annual average rate of
4CO. airainst an average annual increase
of Si5 half castes.
Maude Funny what curious eyes
ome people have ! I showed my new
photograph to the Xellisons to-day. He
said it was awfully pretty , and she said
it didn't look a bit like me. Edith So
"it seems that husband and wife can
think alike , doesn't it ? Boston Tran
script.
When a woman's husoand is present ,
her invitations to fri'euds to come and
visi : her are r > 0 per cent , less cordial
tl\in if he wore absent.
HTJMOB OF THE WEEK
SJORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd , Corionc and Laughable Phaset
of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed
trayed by Eminent Word Artist * of
Our Own Day A Bndcet of Fan ,
To Continue the Strife. " " " "
"Having had a taste of war , Lieut.
Huggiiis seems to want more of It. "
"Why ; has he decided to go into the
regular army ? "
"No ; but he is going to get married
next week. "
Mamma's Idea.
Little Harry Mamma , what's a
Bacchannalian revel ?
Mamma That's a polite name for
those social events your papa's club
gets up every little while.
No Inducement There.
"Ah ! young lady , I was young and
beautiful myself once , and then 1 nev
er refused a poor woman. "
"Well , the result isn't exactly encour
aging. "
A Possible Remedy. |
"Cyrano should have married. " '
"Why ? "
"It might have improved l\\ \ < nose
to have it held down on the matrimon
ial grindstone. " Chicago Record.
A S iiKjj
"I think the names 'Yale' and 'Har
vard' should be given to two of our
regular war ships. "
"Well , what's the matter with Vassar -
sar ? " Puck.
Doeb Just a-s AVeil.
"My employer N so queer : I can't
tell when he's pleased. "
"Well , you can tell when he's di -
pleased. can't you ? " Chicago Rr-cord.
Identified.
Little Albert Pa. who were the sev
en sleepers ?
Pa They were tin- first policemen
that we have any record of.
Hardly Kver Quiet.
Dollie Was it a quiet spot wher
you kissed Mollie ?
Chollie No-it was on the mouth.-
Chicago Journal.
Sometimes'
She Are you a vegitarian ?
The Poet- Yes off and on. 1'tick.
The l nst Wordj of Course.
lie Don't you believe that in the
majority of divorce case * the woman
was to blame ?
She Of course. I do. She should
never have married. Philadelphia
Record.
The Man to 'ialk To.
Judge I don't want to see you here
again.
Prisoner I wish you'd say that to
the policeman. Somerville Journal.
An Iconoclast.
Miss Tommey Mr. Bunrintr is a sin
gular man.
Miss Filkins How so ?
Miss Tommey--He says he doesn't
like golf.
Miss Filkin < But lot < of men don't
like golf.
Miss Tommey Yes. but Mr. Bmninir
says he don't care who knows it.--
Judge.
A Foregone Conclusion.
"What a tall girl Brigham's daughter
has grown to be ! She mint be six feet
at least. "
"Yes. but she's a mighty nice girl and
the little fellow that's going to marry
her will be a lucky chap. "
"Who is he ? "
"I don't know. "
"But you just spoke of him as a little
fellow. "
"Well , being a tall girl , she wouldn't
marry any but a little fellow , would
she ? "
Doubtful Compliment.
( „ . \ . JTliS i > i * *
"By Jove , I'm awfully glad to see
you here , Miss Brown. When I first
came in I felt quite nervous every
body looked so awfully clever. "
Punch.
Jealousy.
First Venerable Man I met old Bill
Jones just now , and he had the as
surance to tell me that ho felt as fresh
as a two-year-old.
Second Venerable Man Likely he
r..eaut a two-year-old. egff. Itidianap- .
lis. Journal.
Kerenge -at i
"Well , I've filially got even with old
Rockingham for refusing to have me
as a son-in-law. "
"How did you do It ? "
"I was a member of the committee
that was appointed to Initiate him IB '
our lodge the other night. They say he
won't get out of the hospital for a
month. "
A Chance to Make Money.
Mrs. Peck Henry , I've been talking
to you for twenty minutes , and I'll bet
yon don't know a word I've said. - < ,
* Mr. Peck Say , go and try to get
somebody outside of the family to take
that betwill you ?
Harkins Back. 2
Mrs/Acklins I don't want to be im
pertinent , but how old are you , any
way ? Some of the ladies were discuss
ing your age at the club the other day ;
and'several of them claimed that 3'ou jf ; it
were at least 35 , but I insisted that you 3.
were not more than 33. .
Mrs. Biswick I'm glad yon were sc (
kind. Of course , you didn't mention
the fact that yon were ready to leave
the grammar grade when I was in the
primary class at school , did you ?
Fuspicions.
Mr. Blimbus I'm afraid John has got
into bad company down there at col
.
' fc.
lege. He must be gambling. 4' *
Mrs. Blimbus Why , what makes you
think that ? . /
Mr. Blimbus I got a letter from him
this morning in which he didn't ask
for money. I wonder if he knows how
to stack the cards ?
Now They Are Straiiuers.
He What lovely flowers ! Do you
know , they remind me of you ?
She Why , they are artificial.
He Yes. 1 know ; but it requires close
examination to detect it.
Not Good 3Ioticy.
"lie has money to burn. "
"Is it really as badly torn and mutil
ated as that ? " Chicago Post.
Living Up to His Principles
"Look here ! " exclaimed the woman
who had made a sandwich for a tramp
and then thoughtlessly left him alone
for a minute within reach of two
whole pies , ' 'what do you mean by eat
ing all that pie ? "
"Madam. " replied the tramp politely ,
as he let his belt out another hole , "I
am a believer in expansion. " Chicago
1'ost.
Looking ; Backward.
"What were the most striking things
you saw while you were in Europe ? "
"The- people who were always strik
ing me for tips. "
They Always Do.
Clara What became of that young
Woodby you refused last winter ?
Maude ( who is still single ) Oh. ho
married provokingly well.
Of Course.
, ; lfTL" ? = - * 2M3 i ?
"Wot am I moikin' ? Bicycle , of
course , stoopid ? "
A IMntnnl Performance.
"Do yon have any rule to regulate
shaking hands ? "
"Well , I never shake hands with any
man ofteuer than he shakes hands
with me. " Chicago Record.
His Mistake.
He I believe you cared for me the
first time we ever met.
She Why. what makes you think
that ?
lie Bccau < ! you kept looking at me
so steadily. Every time I glanced iir
your direction your iraxe was riveted
upon me.
She Oh. but it wasn't because I had
fallen in love with you. I was think
ing what a pity it was that there was
no one near and dear to you who could
tell you what wretched taste you ha-J
in izfckries.
*
Timely Kric-a-Brac.
"Clara is always up to date. "
"What now ? " .
"She rented wooden Indians to decor
ate her parlors for that afternoon tea. "
- Detroit Journal.
Breaking Out.
"There goes an art enthusiast. Tom.
Wants to paint. Her mind is full of it. " A
"Ye > . It shows on her face. " Collier's
Weekly.
Getting Cool.
Mrs. Sparks 1 gue s Lulu ami Har - t
ry are gradually drifting apart since
he's gone back to college. I don't be
lieve they care as much for each other
as they did. and 1 wouldn't be surpris v. .
ed if we could break up the affair yet.
Mr. Sparks Ah , that's ' good. But
what reason have you for thinking that
their affection is cooling ?
Mrs. Sparks Well , she's receiving , . ,
only one letter a day from him now. , t
Her Idea.
Mamie I don't see how you can go
ou encouraging him when you are al
ready engaged.
Jessie Well. I read somewhere ono j
that in order to avoid disappointments
in life it is always well to have mora
than two strings to your bow , and it
seems to me that having more than
one .beau ou your acriug 5. $ 9a.t of
same logic.