fcft
f
THE CONFESSION
Once I was a youngster happy
Not a shred of care I knew
Mirth was ever on the tapis
Winged with Joy- the moments flew
If I had a heart it never
Was the kind inclined to love
And the meaning of forever
-Was a thing I dreamed not of
How I scorned my cousin Pollyl
Nothing but a girl I said
How I mocked at melancholy
Moony spoony brother Ned
But the height of my abhorrence
Was a chap who went around
Quoting verses to his Florence
With his eyes upon the ground
Woe for all my olden revels
Mirth and joy alack a day
Now dance with the blue devils
If she looks the other way
She my heart is limp as vellum
When I touch her tiny glove
And there haunts my cerebellum
Love forever ever love
But O direst alteration
Awful irony of fate
Iwho from exalted station
Made such mockery but late
Now and this my pen rehearses
With abasement most profound
Love to wander quoting verses
With my eyes upon the ground
-Detroit Free Press
MY OWN DECEASE
Although undoubtedly I had been
s very ill I am by no means certain of
my facts at about this time so wheth
er I was a victim of a little too much
Indulgence in the flowing bowl or of
a lively imagination or of a hypnotic
trance I really cannot say anyway
one morning I seemed to be conscious
that I was talking with a demon who
Bat by my bedside He was a very
pleasant sort of fellow and not bad
looking but somehow I knew that he
was a demon
Would you like to hear what they
are saying about you and go to your
own funeral he asked pleasantly
People generally do attend that
ceremony personally I suggested
then after a moments reflection I
asked Am I dead then
Of course Did you not know it
If I did it must have escaped my
memory I replied imperturbably
Well you are dead but I will give
you the remarkable power of going
among your family in the spirit and
invisible to them
Thats very kind of you but Ive
heardydu people seldom perform serv
ices for npthing What recompense
do you require
None The penalty you will pay
will be sufficient reward to me
Wliat penalty
To see yourself as others see you
and hear what they say of you
My friend then deniaterialized him
self into thin pale air and the next
moment I was gliding noiselessly down
the stairs
I should explain to you that I am
an orphan without parents but a
member of a large family sisters
brothers cousins and all the rest of it
I happen to have more money than
any of the others and have hitherto
been much sought after on account of
my excellent personal qualities I
am not married Well the tact is I
am of -a rather retiring disposition
and not having yet come across a girl
who would help me out with the pre
liminaries I had not found courage to
take the fatal plunge My eldest sis
ter Priscilla had therefore been keep
ing house for me
I passed easily through the closed
parlor door without opening it which
was very convenient and found iny
self unseen by theni in the midst of
relatives from different parts of the
-country They were waiting break
fast for -some important person who
had not yet made his appearance I
was foolish enough to think it might
be myself and sat do wn in my cus
tomary seat at the foot of the table
but of course no one saw me I had
forgotten for the moment that I was
a denmter1alizeflJspirit Soon how
ever the door opened and the impor
tant individual entered the apart
ment It was my eldest brother Tom
ISow I began to understand He was
my executor and residuary legatee
He represented me the late Crawley
Slowquicker Esq deceased hence all
the court and deference paid to him
This was absurd you know for a
bigger fool never lived
Well he made straight for my chair
and sat down where I was sitting
This was stepping into my shoes with
a vengeance actually usurping the
same place occupied by my disembod
ied spirit Tom was a bulky fellow
and I felt the affront Besides wish
ing better to watch the proceedings
I got up quickly and sat behind my
chair
Two things especially attracted my
attention and somewhat shocked me
In the first place Priscillas presiding
-seemed more lavish than under my
regime and in the second I was struck
by the happiness and gayety of the
whole company This -was calculated
to take my fatuity down a few pegs
for I had fondly imagined that my
death would plunge my entire family
In the uttermost depths of despair
But it hadnt
I never Jike going into black Pris
cilla was saying in her even tones to
Aunt Gwen its so very unlucky
I dont mind the change at all
said Aunt Gwen the color just suits
me you know But I really cant
tell what orders to give not know
ing how I am provided for
Thats as good as asking said
Tom with one of his horrible laughs
which I used to consider so hearty
A nods as good as a wink to a blind
horse I suppose the regular thing is
to read the will after the funeral but
as its all among ourselves it doesnt
matter and Til read it to all directly
rafter breakfast
Then they started talking about their
late relation Crawley Slowquicker
and the things I heard about mynelf
positively astonished me
Thoy were all sadly deficient in rhe
bump of reverence and I found that
not one of them entertained that re
spect and affection for me of which I
had imagined they were all possessed
Now I fully realized the truth of my
friend the demons words It was a
dreadful penalty to pay a sad morti
fication to hear what they said of me
and to see myself as others saw me
Well of course my cousin Ver
non said responding to some remark
in a virtuously deprecatory tone Of
course de mortuis nil nisi bonum and
all that sort of thing yotf know but
I cant help saying that Crawley was
always mean horribly mean
Confound the fellow And this was
a man to whom I had left 500 for
giving him all the money he owed me
which was as good as loubling the leg
acy
No no not mean Tom answered
and I blessed him for those words
but he spoiled it all by adding A bit
careful jrou know
Ah I should think so says Pris
cilia You would hardly believe it
but its a fact he never allowed me
money enough to keep house decent
ly
Of course this was not true as you
may imagine She was always want
ing more money and yet it never suc
ceeded in purchasing anything re
markable And this was my sister
Pris whom I had always thought so
affectionate so entirely devoted to
me Oh it was too horrible
These three were my principal lega
tees If I had only known sooner
But how was that possible
I knew what I would do I had
made up my mind and having no
body I was all mind now I would
go at once to my solicitors and have
a codicil drawn up while there was
yet time But say there was no time
it was too late I had quite forgotten
that I was only a poor ghost a dema
terialized spirit and that old idiot
Sharpitlaw was so wedded to routine
and old fashioned custom that he
would certainly regard a posthumous
testament as informal and as I was
invisible he would treat my signature
as null and decidedly void
When next I turned toward my
amiable and disinterested family cir
cle I perceived that the breakfast
things had been removed and Tom
Slowquicker sat in the armchair with
my will spread out before him
Theres some one missing he said
looking around him magisterially
who is it
Only my sister Minnie Vernon re
marked casually I went to her this
morning but shes so upset about his
death that she feels quite ill and
could not come down to breakfast
Dont be absurd said Priscilla
why she never gave him so much as
a civil word Then sotto voce to her
brother And thats what has upset
her I expect She is afraid she hag
spoiled her chances of a legacy
Oh that spiteful Priscilla If I
could only alter my will But it was
too late for here was my executor
standing or rather sitting in my place
At least there was one thing I could
do I would find my friend the demon
and see if arrangements could not be
made for -haunting them
But these precious words about Min
nie had sent balm into my tortured
spirit so that my incorporate heart
throbbed shaking the Venetians and
Tom asked where the draft came from
I would go to her at once so I tra
versed the closed door again passing
them all as the sigh of a summer
breeze which is we know not what
or whence it comes or whither it goes
a breath from well no matter
where I dont exactly know myself
Thus I went upstairs and into Min
nies room where I found the poor
girl still in bed her cheeks pale her
eyes red with weeping all the signs
upon her of a sleepless night of sor
row and pressed close to her soft
bosom she held a likeness of my un
worthy self which I had given her
once long ago And this was the girl
who never spoke save to ridicule and
poke fun at me whose dislike for me
was almost proverbial in the family
and yet the girl whose love with usual
human perversity I would have given
all the world to win
Ah this knowledge of her hearts
secret was sweet to me It gave me
courage I would comfort her I
would pour forth my love I would
tell her stay What could I tell her
Was I not forgetting again that I was
only a poor ghost merely the shadow
of a shade Was I not unseen by her
And even were it possible for me to
make myself visible for a few mo
ments I should only succeed in terri
fying my poor ove out of her senses
Alas was this the realization of a
hereafter The punishment of early
vanities and sins To see things just
as they are and yet to be so miser
ably impotent to alter them to see
too what might have been and to beat
out my weary spirit on into eternity
in vain longing for a fruition that can
never come
My funeral was appointed to take
place the next day It was a very
grand affair altogether and cake and
wine had been laid in the parlor to
entertain the guests upon this festive
ocasion I dare say I should have
done the same had I been burying a re
lation but somehow it hurt me to see
my best dry sherry being put away
As I accompanied the mourners down
the steps I suddenly perceived niy
friend the demon by my side Vainly
I sought a coach but could find no
room I turned to him somewhat an
grily and remarked
I say you promised I should go to
my own funeral but I dont seem to
have been considered in the arrange
ment at all
You forget- that corporeally you
hold the place of honor at the head of
fce procession but in the spirit yon
can get in here Theres only the doc
tor and the clergyman
Between the doctor and the parson
Realty my dear demon you are re
markable for a most sardonic humor
Well the men of medicine and re
ligion talked politics all the way which
I thought inappropriate but as they
were both conservatives they did not
disagree I am a liberal myself and
began vociferously expounding Mr
Gladstones policy quite oblivious that
my gesticulations were unseen my
words unheard by them
Good job for yourself you are dead
said the demon Youre just the sort
to get into a jolly row with red hot
politicians
The cemetery was soon reached and
I looked down and saw my coffin low
ered into the grave
Earth to earth
A few lumps were thrown and fell
upon the lid with a grewsome rattle
and
I awoke with a start and my eyes
met those of my brother Tom who
asked cheerily Well how do you
do now old fellow But I turned
from him fori could not help thinking
of him as I had seen him last read
ing my will down in the parlor turn
ed away and encountered my darling
little Minnie who sat unobtrusively in
a remote corner of the room and I
felt oh so grateful and happy at see
ing her there I felt then that it was
not all a dream
I have used feigned names in this
veracious tale because I think she
would not like to know the strange
experience which led me to take the
courage to woo and by and by wed
her Spare Moments
Hanging Above a Tiger
A British officer in India had gone out
upon an elephant in search of a tiger
which had just killed a man and two
bullocks within half a mile of camp
The hunt was brief and the officer pres
ently got two shots at the tiger but
without killing him The jungle was
heavy and it was already getting dusk
when the servant touched the officer
from behind and said There he is
The adventure is best described by the
man himself as quoted by Gen Wilkin
son
The tiger wis lying within ten yards
of me unable to rise as I afterward
found out from his loins being broken
Seeing that he was not dead however
I was in the act of taking up my rifle
when something struck me on the back
and jammed me to the front of the
howdah I had just time to lay hold of
the branch of a tree and pull myself out
of the howdah otherwise my back
would have been broken
Then the frightened elephant ran
away and left me suspended immedi
ately over the tiger which lay looking
up at me growling and lashing his
sides
You may imagine my feelings In
vain I tried toget into the tree and at
last my fingers becoming cramped I
lost my hold and fell on the tiger It
was like dropping into the jaws of
death
The instant I touched the ground the
tiger with a terrific roar seized my left
foot in his mouth and with one bite
crushed the heel and ankle bone to
powder Then he gave me three other
bites two on the calf of the leg and one
on the knee every bite breaking the
bone to pieces
My agonies were dreadful In vain I
called for help but after a struggle I
got my right leg free and gave the tiger
a tremendous kick on the head which
induced him to let go Instantly I got
up and hobbled to the foot of the tree
where I fell exhausted with the tiger
still a few paces off
The sepoy who had been with me in
the howdah had lodged safely in the
tree and witnessed the wiiole scene
Now he came down within a few feet
of the ground and begged me to get
into the tree At first I thought I could
not but when the sepoy told me that
the tiger would be at me again I gave
the fellow my hands and he managed
to pull me up into the lower branches
By and by my brother officer whose
elephant like my own had become un
manageable came back and finally
killed the tiger after which I was
somehow got into the howdah and car
ried back to camp
A Russian Crime
A simple meihod of murder and rob
bery with small chances of detection
devised by some Russian peasants on
the Prussian border has recently been
brought to light A fever for emigra
tion has existeil for some years in Po
land and people who could not obtain
passports to leave Russia after selling
all they had would secrete their money
upon their persons and hire these peas
ants to smuggle them across the fron
tier As their departure had to be kepi
secret and the emigrants were general
ly illiterate persons of no prominence i
was easy to lead them into out-of-the-way
places murder them and strip
them with little probability of their be
ing missed
For Preservation of Timber
Another method of preserving tim
ber has recently been tried It con
sist in dissolving in naphtha the heavy
oils and waxes left after the distilla
tion of petroleum and forcing the so
lution into the seasoned timber in the
same manner as in creosotlng The
timbez is then heated when the naph
tha evaporates and is recovered in a
cooling chamber while the waxes etc
remain behind in the wood water
proofing it
Two thousand nine hundred and ninety-two
pennies have been taken up In
the Ganton 0 schools as a collection
for the Francis Key monument whicfc
is being erected at Frederick Md
How a man does hate to say anyj
thing thfit will please his wifely
HAMAS EXPENSES
ENORMOUS AMOUNT EXPENDED
TO ELECT MKINLEY
Sum Placed Nearly Five Millions
Republicans Will Continue the Cam
paign for Maintenance of the Gold
Standard and Enslavement of Toilers
Have Money Left
The New York World publishes a
story in which it places the fund han
dled by Republicans inihe recent cam
paign at only 1402000 Though those
in a position to know agree that 5000
000 would be closer to the real amount
According to the Worlds story for the
first time in twenty years the Repub
lican national committee completed its
work paid all its debts and had a sur
plus Money flowed into the Republi
can coffers From the East the big
contributions in round numbers were
as follows
New York 500000
Philadelphia 475000
Pittsburg 250000
Boston 102000
Scattering 75000
Total 1402000
The Philadelphia contributions in
clude subscriptions from Bethlehem
Harrisburg Mauch Chunk and other
towns The Boston subscriptions in-
couldnt afford the outlay and they
Lad to either buy tickets or walk
Of course Mr Hanna doesnt say
this but his figures do and unlike
Mr Hanna figures cannot lie To ex
amine them The active work of tlie
Republican committee began the first
week in July and ended Nov 3 cover
ing a period of about eighteen weeks
during which 60000 per week was
spent for postage This would make
Uncle Sams tariff on the work of edu
cation 10S0000 leaving 320000 for
Perry Heaths salary and other ex
penditures
Now 10S0000 worth of postage
stamps would distribute In eighteen
weeks 3375000 pounds of literature
and we are quite sure that it cost at
least 5 cents a pound to print fold and
distribute even such light airy and
useless stuff as was sent out by Mr
Hannas committee which would leave
a margin of only 151250 with Mr
Heaths salary still unprovided for De
duct 1250 for gas bills 5000 for Ter
ry Powderly and 45000 for the New
York office then there is 100000 left
for distribution among 10000 McKinley
clubs throughout the country This
balances the sheet and leaves the Can
ton excursionists in the dark as to who
provided them tickets those beers
and that badge
Let the Work Go On
The defeat of John C Fremont for
President in 1856 did not stop the anti-
THE FIGHT HAS ONLY BEGUN
j Increased He will have fewer of-
fices to dispose of than any President
since the early da3s of the republic
The postofllces are of course the most
numerous but the fourth assistant
postmaster general will attend to th
decapitation of the fourth class post
masters and the Presidential offices
will be gradually filled In the depart
ments at Washington there will be a
very small number of appointments to
make most of them being to positions
of a confidential character It is in
deed fortunate that the next President
will be saved much of the annoyance
to which his predecessors have been
compelled to submit
The Republican platform contained
an unequivocal declaration in favor of
the merit system and Mr McKinley
indorsed it in his letter of acceptance
The outlook for the spoilsman is not
bright
Let Democrats Unite
Because some hot headed and indis
creet persons who committed them
selves against the Democratic cause
at the recent election have since met
and resolved that they never never
will act with the noble old Democratic
party again there is no reason for be
ing discouraged Nobody wishes to
force companionship where it would
be unwelcome
But there are others The great
mass of the Democratic party is not
sold to McKinley expects no favors
from him and would accept none if
Mark Great Heavens Mack that was merely a skirmish the other day Those fellows have come to stay
elude many New England cities Chi
cago contributions were disbursed
chiefly in that city and State and only
a small part passed through the nation
al committee treasury
Within the past week about all the
accounts of the national committee
have been settled and Treasurer Cor
nelius N Bliss finds himself in posses
sion of a surplus It is hard to find out
just how much money Messrs Hanna
and Bliss have on hand Neither will
tell but Mr Bliss denied a couple of
days ago that it was about 100000 A
well known Republican leader who
has been close to the national commit
tee during the campaign told a World
reporter that the balance on hand after
all expenses were paid would be be
tween 75000 and 90000 This will be
used to cany on the permanent organ
ization and to prepare for the battle of
1900 No national committee he
said ever had such an enormous finan
cial resources at its disposal The dis
semination of literature was the heavi
est item of expense This was prac
tically all done through the Chicago
Bureau presided over by Perry Heath
Through this bureau there was sent out
in one of the biggest weeks of the cam
paign 3000000 documents by mail each
piece covered with a 2 cent stamp This
meant an expenditure of 00000 for
postage stamps alone These are large
figures
Mr Hanna has at last told how he
done it and we are so glad Most
any old manager will know what is
needed in the next campaign and will
be happy in the thought that the
amount of it is so small He confesses
that it took fully 1400000 to elect
McKinley including 60000 a week for
postage It makes the public pulse beat
with a quickened thump and the public
face light up with a glow of pride to be
thus taken into the Great Mans confi
dence But not satisfied with a general
statement the Republican chairman
goes further and points out the sources
of his revenue saying where the big
contributions were made
It will be noticed that Cleveland Mr
Hannas home is not in the list which
may lead some to declare that the Great
Organizer was rather too well known
among his neighbors to canvass them
for subscriptions successfully A most
gratifying feature of the whole thing
is the reflection that Republican spell
binders in this year of grace 1S96 per
formed a labor of love None of tliem
were paid for their services Schurz
Cochran Reed Thurston and all that
outfit not only worked for nothing but
found themselves so to speak Of
course they were entitled at least to
their railroad fare but the Republican
campaign committee was so poor it
slavery discussion It went on with
increasing vigor and in 1860 as a re
sult Abraham Lincoln was elected Pres
ident The campaign of 1856 was the
first direct struggle with the slave pow
er then as firmly intrenched in the con
trol of the Federal Government as the
money power is to day The first con
test resulted in defeat The second
brought victory
The silver fight is very similar to that
which was waged against slavery The
declarations of the Chicago platform of
1S96 were almost as new as were the
declarations of the Republican plat
form of 1856 Both of them caused a
new alignment of parties The new
Democracy witli the silver banner has
gone down in defeat in its first cam
paign So did the Republican party
with its anti slavery banner The few
weeks devoted to the campaign of edu
cation Avere not sufficient to convince
the people of the real purposes of the
slave power But the discussion went
on and Buchanans administration was
an object lesson So the silver discus
sion will go on and so McKinleys ad
ministration will be an object lesson
Before his time is half expired people
will recall the assertions and predic
tions of the silver orators and the silver
press in 1S96 and wish they had voted
for Biyan they will resolve to
vote the silver ticket in 1900 By that
time the iron hand of the money power
will have been making itself more gen
erally felt and it will not be incased
in a glove either Nor will the people
have to be told of its purposes They
will see them plainly enough and eager
ly await the opportunity to get to the
ballot box The result in 1900 will be
a silver victory and place the powers of
the Federal Government in the hands
of those favorable to the restoration of
silver to the coinage
While the presidential cornpaign has
gone against the free coinage forces
there is hope in the fact that the num
ber of silver Congressmen has been
largely increased With this fact as
an incentive the campaign of silver ed
ucation should be vigorously continued
The American people are both intelli
gent and patriotic They have not had
time however to be educated on this
issue Great and influential forces have
been arrayed against the cause of bi
metallism and these have won in the in
terest of the single gold standard In
four years their eyes will have been
opened and the restoration of silver
will be accomplished Denver News
The Spoils of Office
President McKinley has reason to
rejoice that in the past eight years
the number of office holders protected
b the civil service law has been large-
offered Nor is it endeavoring to
feet its own defeat Nine tenths of
the Democratic vote which has been
estranged from us this year intends
and proposes to return whenever it
can do so consistently with its own
views and convictions We might go
further still and say that nine tenths
of that vote has accomplished all that1
it cared for and is ready to act with
us now
In Congress and out of Congress we
are entering upon a four years cam-
nnrafliidfliri ii 1 1
ti
Will not hf ronrmoilntl on1 ti if
I - VVVMVUVU U III
expect to find elsewhere more conge-
nial partisan associations and rewards
we desire to welcome the support of
every man who believes that ours
should be a government not of bank-
ers or of trusts but of the people New
York News
Take Yonr Choice
Anderson Ind1 Anderson Ind
ov Amerl jXov 12 Associated
can Plate Glass charities have been
Works at Alexandria organized this week
were put in full oper in all of the gas belt
atlon this morning cities The organi
wlth 400 men at zatlon in this city
work The plant has was effected to day
been closed two Investigation dis
years President Dox i closes that there will
ey says work will bebe more suffering In
steady Chicago the gas belt this
NovJter than in any prevl
13 third page second ous one not except
column hng 1S93 when thou-
1 sands were kept by
charitable
tlons It Is thought
that between 3000
j and 4000 men women
land children In this
city will hare to be
I cared for Many cases
are distressing Chi
cago Times ilerald
Nov 13 third page
second column
Brief Comment
Diyden must have had his prophetic
eve on the goldbug press when he
wrote
The only free silver whi
crats favor is the silver pla
free from taxation
It is to be hoped that
newspaper men in the nex
will leven the whole lump
An hideous figure of thei
drew
Nor lines nor looks nor sbjades nor col
ors drew
And this grotesque desig
lie view
The St Louis Globe
editor once said that
deal with strikers w
now declares that
classes in this coun
onsly together
where the divtsio
n jgs
h
e that is
e eleven
Congress
foes they
posed to pub-
femoevat whoso
ie best way to
to shoot them
ie masses and
work
are unable to tell
line ia located