ALSO THERE AT THE FINISH
Mr. Fletcher’s Criticism Rather Weak
ened Under a Mild Cross
Examination.
“Woman’s curiosity," said Mr.
Fletcher, “is a quality of mind be
yond human understanding."
“Yes," said Mrs. Fletcher. “What
made you think of that?"
"The fool actions of a woman
that 1 saw downtown to-day. She
* followed a man ten blocks just to
get to read a placard that was fas
tened to his back. She spotted him
at Thirty-fourth street. That was
really the end of her trip—I made
that out from something she said to
another woman who was too fat to
join in the chase—but when she
caught sight of that flaming red
poster tied to the man's baek, her
curiosity got the better of her and
she set out after him. Ho led her
quite a chase across town and down
town and baek again, but she never
weakened. She tagged faithfully
along in his wake, and finally she
got close enough to read that no
tice.”
Mrs. Fletcher reflected a moment.
"What did it say?” she asked.
“It advised her to get her teeth
pulled somewhere on Sixth avenue.”
Mrs. Fletcher thought again.
“Where were you all the time she
was trying to find that out?”
“Me?” said Fletcher. “Oh, I was
following the woman. 1 wanted to
see if she finally caught up with the
man.”
MERCENARY.
The Author—Unless my novel suc
ceeds at once, I’ll starve to death.
The Publisher—Great idea, my boy;
Start in at once; it would advertise
your book wonderfully.
AN ADMISSION.
Waters had just come in from his
elub. He appeared in the best of
humors, and his wife soon found out
why.
“You’ve heard me speak of Sel
lers. haven’t you?” he asked.
“The man that knows so much
about the tariff?” ventured Mrs.
Waters.
“The man who talks so much
about it,” corrected Waters. “Well,
we had a long argument about it this
evening, and I came out ahead.”
“You did!” exclaimed Mrs. Wa
ters, surprised.
“Yes; 1 got him to admit that he
knows no more about it than I do.”
—Illustrated Sunday Magazine.
A BLUNDER CORRECTED.
“Who can tell me to what king
dom this belongs?” asked a teacher
of her class, assembled in presence
of the inspector. She gingerly held
np a filbert. A hand was raised.
“Well, Jane?” said teacher.
“To the animal kingdom,” was
the reply.
Seeing the teacher’s frowning
face, Jane knew that she had blun
dered.
“0, no,” she exclaimed in correc
tion, “to the vegetable kingdom! I
was thinking of the horse chestnut!”
—Family Herald.
CITY PLAYGROUNDS.
Los Angeles, Cal., which spends
$40,000 a year on this feature of
civic life, already has a playground
system, and will shortly take steps
to have some of these opened at
night for working people. The leg
islature of the state of Washington
recently passed a bill, afterward ve
toed, requiring that in all additions
to cities of 10,000 or more popula
tion, at least one-tenth of the area
should be set aside for parks and
playgrounds.
WISE PRECAUTION.
The mercury was trying to ooze
out at the top of the farmhouse ther
mometer and the old farmer was
pitching chunks of ice in the pond.
“What are you doing that for?’’
queried the summer hoarder.
“That’s t’ keep th’ pesky ducks
from layin’ hard-b’iled eggs,” an
swered the rural philosopher.
STINGY HUBBY IS A LOSER
Smart Woman's Tactics That Enable
Her to Stroll Around on
Easy Street.
That there are more ways than
one of “killing a oat” is a well
known fart, but the newest of way
lias been evolved from the fertile
brain of a (Iermantown woman who
is blessed with a stingy husband.
This husband is generous enough in
one sense of the word. His wife may
have the best attire the stores afford,
charged to his account, but site may
handle no money. Women, in this
man's opinion know nothing of the
value of a dollar. On leaving for
his office in the morning, he kisses
her good-by and thrusts a quarter’s
worth of trolley tickets into her
band. Now milady goes shopping,
buys a few necessities and also a $5(1
wrap for which she lias no use what
ever. Next day she returns the lat
ter, receives a credit slip for $50 and
betakes herself to the handkerchief
counter, when* she spends 50 cents,
receiving $10.50 change. Placing
some small change in her purse and
stowing the roll of greenbacks in
what she considers a safer receptacle,
she leaves the shop feeling that she
has made the best of a had bargain.
—Philadelphia Ilceord.
HER HUSBAND’S CONFIDANTE.
Slio is a happy woman who occu
pies this position, but not everyone
is wise enough to attain it.
The tactful wife wins her hus
band's confidence, but she never at
tempts to force it. She shows to
him that the truth, even if it is un
pleasant, will be received with bet
ter grace than will any attempt at
smooth dissimulation.
To maintain happiness and a per
fect relation the business and social
exactions of each should be known
by the other, and the first plank in
the barrier of deceit torn down by a
full and honest acknowledgment.
White lies should be abhorred, and
the life of each made an open book
for the other to read.
When this basis is established
things may be trusted to run smooth
ly. Mutual confidence disarms sus
picion and destroys jealousy, which
are the two gravest enemies of life’s
most serious and beautiful partner
ship.—Exchange.
ANYTHING TO OBLIGE.
President Eliot of Harvard is not
a believer in spelling reform. Noti
long ago there was a student who
was a candidate for the degree of
doctor of philosophy. This student^
had adopted spelling reform as hi»
particular line of work, and as com
mencement drew near he went to
President Eliot with a request. “You
know, Mr. President,” he said, “that
you are proposing to make me a Ph.
1). Now I have made a specialty of
spelling reform and I always spell
philosophy with an f. I therefore
called to ask you if you could not
make my degree F. I)., instead of
Ph. D.”'
“Certainly,” replied the president.
“In fact, if you insist we shall
make it a 1). F.”
FINE SHOOTING BY A WOMAN.
The Bislev rifle meeting this year
will he notable for the presence of a
remarkable lady shot, who has come
all the way from Perak, in the
Straits Settlements. The sports
woman in question, Mrs. Douglas,
has entered for the principal com
petitions, and is already practicing
on the ranges in association with the
Malay States Guides team, in train
ing for the Kolapore cup competi
tion. Shooting in India, she has won
several prizes, even making the high
est possible at 1,000 yards, and her
achievements at Bisley will be
watched with much interest.—
Ladies’ Pictorial.
NOT FOR HIM.
“Here,” said the agent of the
steamship line, “arc a few of our
circulars and booklets, giving de
tailed descriptions of summer tours
to out-of-the-way places on our ves
sels.”
The bank cashier paled, and
shrank back with a gesture of alarm.
“Take them away!” he gasped.
“If one of the directors saw those
things sticking out of my pocket
he'd have my books overhauled.
Take them away!”
ROOM ENOUGH.
Mrs. Hoyle—A man sat on mv
hat to-day.
Mrs. Boyle—That’s nothing : there
were three sitting on mine at the
same time.
STRANGE CARGO IN GOTHAM
Wagon Load of Parrots Stirred Up
the Blase Inhabitants of the
Metropolis.
• . .. i
Oil a fern Mia I from Jersey City
the otho” morning there was a wa
gon load of |»as'c;i-.veis which created
| general interest. The wagon had
come evidently from some ship un
j loading at a Jerw City dock, and
! its cargo hinted of distant seas and
mysterious tropics, of jungles, ad
venture and romance, for it was
piled high with crates of given par
rots. The different kinds of people
who manifested exactly the same
kind of interest in the parrots was
remarkable. Messenger hovs, the
most blase and indifferent specimens
of childhood in existence, forgot for
a moment that nothing could sur
prise them and became hoys again.
Portly business men pushed out
I among the horses ami vehicles to get
a look at the birds. Fat mothers of
many contested with their own chil
dren to get a look. Dainty ladies
going in for a morning's shopping,
stenographers in their white shirt
waists, all turned for a glance. The
parrots could not talk American yet,
but they all seemed to be speaking
f some language with much energy
and emphasis, and the whole boat
load of commuters listened and
smiled.—N. Y. Press.
THE MARCH OF TIME.
None 1 mt those who have passed
through it can appreciate the radical
nature of the change wrought hv
science in the whole mental attitude
of its disciples. What they really
cry out for in religion is a new
standpoint—a standpoint like their
own. The one hope, therefore, for
science is more science. Again, to
quote Bacon—we shall hear enough
from the moderns by and by—“This
1 dare affirm in knowledge of na
ture, that a little natural philosophy,
and the first entrance into it, doth
dispose the opinion to atheism; hut,
on the other side, much natural
philosophy, and wading deep
into it, will bring about men’s
minds to religion.”—Henry Drum
mond.
NUTSHELL TACTICS.
The stock argument against
votes for women—that they could
not hear arms in event of war—is
not unanswerable.
History is explicit concerning
women's efficiency as private sol
diers, and at least one good regi
mental officer should he credited to
the weaker sex. On the authority
of Anatole France, Joan of Arc once
declared her principles of leader
ship :
“I say, in among them, and I go
in.”
The soldiers of France followed,
of course. Could male regular or vol
unteer better that?”—Youth’s Com
panion.
LIVE LONG IN SOUTH.
AVhile it may he true that the
white man loses in intellectual anil
bodily power in the tropics, Dr.
Luigi Sambon maintains, as a re
sult of recent researches, that the
average Arab lives 25 years longer
than the average Esquimau; that the
coast people of South America are
longer lived than the mountain peo
ple ; that old age is much commoner
in the southern countries of Europe
than in the northern countries and
that Spain (with a population
smaller by 9,000,000) has 401 cente
narians to England’s 146.—Army
and Navy Journal.
WILLIE BOY.
“Hi, fellers! Jest look what sez it
don’t mind playing wit us if we ain't
rough!”
MEETING THE NEED.
Lady—No, I don't want no
brushes, nor no laces!
Peddler—Here you arc, madam,
“Grammar for Beginners,” only six
pence!—London Opinion,
FIXED UP FOR THE MARKET
Proof That “Fine, Fat Poultry" Are
Not Always What They Seem
to the Buyer.
“Oli, yes," said the poultry farmer,
“there arc tricks i:i even trade.
Take, i‘i*r instance, lids old roostei
here." The rooster was old. Then
was no denying it. lie was as tough
an old rooster as ever graced tla
summer hoarders' table of a New
England farm.
“Take this old rooster," said the
farmer, seizing a paint brush.
“Black up his feet. Then break his
breastbone, so, with a long pair of
scissors. Then push the breast up
high. What's the result? A line
young turkey’s the result, and know
ing housewives will scramble over
one another to buy'them."
With a harsh laugh the farmer
turned to a skeleton chicken. “This
bird is a regular skeleton, isn’t she?”
he said. “Now watch me. See, I
lay her on her back, and I place this
heavy hoard on her breast. Then to
morrow when I come to take her tr
market, the board will have made
her scraggy breastbone almost in
visible, and it will have given tier
very full, plump sides—no breast
bone, fat sides—the sure signs of a
fat and tender young chicken.”
NAMES IN ALASKA.
Life in Alaska is uncouth in
parts, but it has its refinements. In
Valdez there lived a man named
“Jake” who kept a boarding house
for dogs. When the prospectors re
turned from their sled trips they
would place their teams in his charge
until ready to start out again. As
lie fed his guests on garbage gath
ered by a house-to-house canvass he
was known by every one as “Slop
Jake.”
Once upon a time he fell ill and
the newspapers wished to chronicle
the fact. No one, however, knew
“Jake’s” other name, and it didn’t
seem worth while to waste the time
of the editorial staff on so insig
nificant a detail. So the news was
printed thus:
“Our well-known fellow-citizen S.
Jake, is confined to his house with a
severe cold. It is hoped he will lx
out soon.”
WILL KILL MOSQUITOES.
The chief of the sanitary service
at Gaboon, French Africa, has found
in the cactus a substitute for pe
troleum for the extermination of
mosquitoes.
The thick, pulpy leaves are put in
water and macerated until a sticky
paste is formed. This is spread upon
the surface of stagnant water, and
forms an isolating layer which pre
vents the mosquito larvae from com
ing to the toji to breathe, and thus
destroys them through asphyxiation.
The advantage over petroleum,
which evaporates quickly, is that
the paste can hold its place and
consistency indefinitely—a week,
month or even a year—while the de
velopment of the larvae is only
about a fortnight.
DESIGNATIONS.
Some foreigners and even certain
Americans are disposed to stand
aloof from what they haughtily
term the working classes of the
country. It is to be regretted that
they could not have overheard the
conversation which took place on an
East river ferryboat not long age
between a recently introduced—
shall we hazard it—wheelwright and
shop girl.
“Do you attend in Barginer’s es
tablishment?” lie asked.
“Yes, I am one of the emporium
ladies,” she replied, with becoming
dignity. “Where are you engaged?”
“I am one of Banks & Co.’s re
pository for carriages gentlemen,’'
he informed her.
CONSISTENTLY CHEERLESS.
“I understand that you farmers
are going to get most of the profits
from crops this year.”
“So I hear,” answered Farmer
Corntossel. “But we’ve got to be
mighty keerful. If we ever get to
payin’ dividends reg’lar some captain
of finance will git hold of us an!
we’ll be organized an’ syndicated an’
merged, till there won’t be no prof
its fur nobody except a few fellers
with a little office somewhere in Jer
sey City.”
SUGGESTIVE.
She—You know, they say man
will always be superior to woman be
cause of his pockets.
He—Oh, women will soou go
through that argument.
FIND HEALTH IN TEMPERANCE
‘■Fletclierizing" Recommended as a
Saving to the Body and the
Pocket Book.
Mothers, wives ami housekeepers
are interested in tleteherizing in
more ways than are others. House
keeping i- enormously simplified
and much expense is saved. Hus
bands who lleteherize faithfully lose
taste for alcoholic drinks until final
ly there is a hodv-intolerat ion of ex
cessive alcohol, says Horace Fletcher
in Harper's Huznr. The practice
| brings health, patience and general
amiability, if not perfection, at least
m agreeably modified form. Kven
when husbands are intemperate in
their aversion to anything alcoholie,
| greater amiability is sure to be the
result of temperate1 eating.
There is little1 fear of under
nourishment as a result of attention
to tleteherizing. There is, however,
danger of overdoing the reform it
self. Prof. Irving Fisher guarded
against this abuse of a good thing in
formulating the1 rules which gov
erned his famous experiment at
New Haven.
CHINESE ATHLETICS.
The Chinese have always had ath
letic exercises of a sort, in which they
have rather prided themselves,
though none ever seem to have taken
such a hold on the nation as ours
have on ns during the last century
or so. They have plenty of stories
of strong men capable of wielding
extraordinary weapons, of bending
wondrous hows, or of lifting heavy
weights, etc. Kvcn within the last
few years feats of archery were done
before an ollicer could get his com
mission in the army, and in almost
every village there is a bamboo with
a pierced stone at either end to test
the strength of the rising generation
in lifting. Hut there was nothing
of regular athletic training, except
for a few wrestlers, perhaps, before
foreigners came.
_
JUST OFF THE MAP.
To the majority of the people of
Manhattan, Brooklyn is located just
off the upper left-hand corner of the
map. This fact was well illustrated
the other day when two strangers
were looking for Osborne street,
Brooklyn. Though they didn’t
know it they were within a short
block of the street when they saw an
Irishman busily mixing mortar in
front of an uncompleted dwelling.
“Can you tell us where Osborne
street is ?“ they inquired of the
mixer.
“Oi cannot,” was the emphatic re
ply, “Oi’m a stranger from New
York myself.”—N. V. Globe.
ROUGH ON THE TWINS.
Bella— saw two children so
much alike. How does your mother
find out which Is which of you?
Bob—She just spanks us. 1 holler
louder than Bill.
SOON AVAILABLE.
Scene—Matrimonial agency. Man
ager and gentleman applicant.
Matrimonial Agent—You want a
wife?
Customer—Yes, sir.
Matrimonial Agent—Blonde or
brunette ?
Customer—I am not particular. I
insist on but one thing—she must
be a divorced woman.
Matrimonial Agent—Sorry, sir, I
have none on hand, but if you can
wait a few days, I have one in prep
aration.—The Bohemian.
DEAF AND DUMB.
Old Lady (to small boy with a
“deaf and dumb” board by his side)
—Is it you who are deaf and dumb,
little boy?
Small Boy—No, mum, it’s fa
ther; but I’m minding his place for
him jist now.
Benevolent Old Lady—Where is
he, then? In the public house?
Little Boy—Oh, no; he is selling
evening papers and calling out the
winners.
USES FOR MERRY WIDOW HAT
Headgear Can Be Made Serviceable in
Many Respects, According to
One Writer.
Purchase the untrimined article,
remove the crown, and insert a sofa
allow in the opening. It will make
in excellent veranda seat for the
■mnimer cottage.
Huy the extra heavy straw variety
ind remove crown same as before.
Insert a rubber pad with name of
ipartmeiit house lettered upon it in
the aperture and use for door mat.
One modislilv trimmed hat ele
vated on a pole in the center of a
field should keep crows at a dis
anee. li can he taken down during
i shoiver so as not to deprive the
vegetables of moisture.
Trim carefully in the usual way
and leave it in the front dooryard.
The neighbors will all envy you your
beautiful flower garden.
When drowning push the head up
through the crown, sacrificing the
trimming, and adjust the brim
under the arms. It should act as a
life preserver.
Turn untrimmed article upside
down and affix to tripod. It will do
for a makeshift poker table.
Set the decanter inside the crown
and arrange1 glasses around tho
brim. This will he a unique salver
for serving liquid refreshments.
PROBLEM SOLVED.
Mrs. Prof. Cosine—Cosey dear, what
shall we call our first born?
Prof. Cosine—Let’s call her Blrth-A,
(Bertha.)
CLASS IN SEALING WAX.
A work on heraldry, by Paul
Gruendel, recently published a*
Leipsic, contains some information
on the subject of sealing wax and
the rules governing its use in the
days of old. White wax was for the
kings of France, and later for the
kings of Sicily. A few dukes were
allowed the high privilege, through
the generosity of Frederick III. Red
wax was for the holy father at Rome
and the German nionarchs, but as a
mark of favor to the people it was
allowed to be used generally. Green
wax “was for the common people,
and some cities which had been un
faithful to their government were
compelled ever afterward, as a mark
of their shame, to seal all public
documents with green wax.”
HOW SHE ESCAPED.
“My darling,” said Mr. Spoona
more, as he finished the third help
ing of his wife’s plumcake, “the
lightness and flavor of your excel
lent cake give a grand and emphatic
denial to all the rubbish written in
would-be funny papers about the in
capacity of young wives to cook.”
She nestled close to him.
“Or, perhaps,” he continued, “it
may be that my own little wifey
pifev is better than all others.
“0, ducky,” she whispered, “how
happy you make me!”
And then she thought how lucky
it was that she had had the sense to
buy that cake at the baker’s.—Penny
Pictorial.
ELECTRICITY IN SPAIN.
There were in Spain in 1901 only
861 eleetric power stations, of which
651 were for public lighting and 210
for private lighting. Since then the
number of power stations for electric
lighting has increased considerably,
and it may be added also that the
use of electricity in its many other
applications has also increased and
become more general, but there is
still a vast field for further indus
trial developments, as the supply of
power which the country affords is
vet far from being exhausted.—
Scientific American.
FOLLOWING EXAMPLE.
“Didn't I see the grocer’s boy kiss
you this morning, Martha?”
“Yes’m. But he ain’t to blame,
ma’am. ’Twas the iceman set him
the bad example."