1
THE FALLS CITY TRIBUNE , FRIDAY , MAY 15 , 1908 ,
' & By S. E , Klaor
"I Intend to-day , " said Wntklns Fur
bish , "to bo n philosopher. I am goIng -
Ing to bo optimistic , no matter what
befnlls. It Is my firm belief that unhappiness -
happiness Is nothing but n mental
state. If I can make up my mind to
bo happy I am sure that I can be. I
will , therefore , disregard the things
that are ordinarily vexatious. I will
start out this morning to look for the
pleasant things In life , and bo blind
to all that are disagreeable. "
He attempted to draw on his trous
ers and while hopping around on ono
foot stepped upon a tack which wont
Into his heel as far as it could and
then stopped. Walking Furbish sat
down on the bed , pulled out Uio tack ,
drew a long breath , and manfully con-
tr&lled his feelings.
"Why , " ho asked himself , holding
up the tack , "should I permit a llttlo
thing llko Ibis lo make mo unhappy ?
If I wore lo give way lo anger now I
should Injure myself and Inflict no
damage whatever upon this tack.
When a man becomes angry he pois
ons himself. Anger brings on Indi
gestion. It opens the pores or closes
them , I forget which thus Interfer
ing with the circulation and causing
physical as well as mental depression.
And , after all , how foolish It Is to give
way to anger. The angry man is al
ways at a disadvantage. Already I
begin to appreciate the benefits of
philosophy. Confound that heel , I
wish it would quit bleeding ! Ah , lltllo
tack , a poet might apostrophize thee.
That's pretty fair. I never would have
thought of that word apostrophize If
I had permitted myself to become an
gry. Other words would flavo crowd
ed In upon me and I should have glvn
utterance to phrases that possessed
no submillty , no beauty , no rhythmic
cadences that might have soothed or
comforted. Even now I find myself
thinking In poetry.
' "Oh , llttlo tack , so sharp and keen ,
A lesson thou hivst taught to me ;
llo\v strong they * are and hqw serene
Who quarrel not with dustlny.
*
f
"Oh , voiceless llttlo tacit , thou host
No soul , no sinew and no joint ,
Vet most men by thee are surprised.
You set so quickly to the point.
"That , " mused Wntklns Furbish ,
"Isn't half bad for an amateur. There's
a lot of philosophy In those few lines ,
too. I suppose almoflt any man could
bo a philosopher If ho would only set
himself to it. It's a matter of habit ,
that's all. Socrates probably could
have been just as Impatient as any of
the rest of us If he hadn't acquired the
habit of being philosophical. It's a
great thing. I wonder why I never
thought of It before ? "
He sat for a. moment or two think
ing It over and then remembering that
it would be necessary to get ready for
the duties of the day ho tossed the
tack from him and slipped a log into
the other section of his trousers. Then
ho fished a shoe out from under the
bed , and , having put It on , looked for
its mate. It was at the other side of
the room , near the closet door. Still
feeling that it was splendid to bo a
philosopher , Mr. Furbish started
across the carpeted floor. Ho paused
i after he had taken a step or two and
j - * * said to himself :
"Yesterday I would have complained
because this shoo waa tight across the
toe. To-day It gives me no concern. I
am able to bear It with oqulnlmlty.
And aside from the physical Incon
venience that comes from permitting
llttlo things to fret us wo who are
able to control ourselves are heirs tea
a feeling of prldo that In Itself lo up
lifting and Inspiring. "
Then ho took another step forward ,
uttered a wild yell and sat down with
a suddenness that caused his wife ,
who was below getting breakfast , to
fear that the house had boon struck
by a meteorite.
"Watklns , " she cried rushing to htm
where he writhed upon the door ,
"what In the world Is the matter ? "
Wntklns told her. Dut his worda
vero disconnected and unfit for pub
lication. He had stepped on the Lack
again and not with the foot that was
In the shoe. Chicago Record-Herald.
Remarkable Burglar-Proof Safe.
The most remarkable burglar-proof
safe In the world baa just boon placed
in a bank at Kewburg Island. At night
the cafe is lowered by cables into an
impregnable motalHo-llnod sub-vault of
masonry and concrete. After reaching
the bottom It Is fastened down by
masslvo stool luga , operated by a
triple time lock. Until those logs are
released automatically at a desired
tlmo , no human agency can raise the"
Eafo , and to break in through a maia
of stone and concrete which measures
10 feet by 10 foot by 10 feet vita
dynamite- would wreck the bulldinf
without making the eafo available.
WOULD TRY IT ON THE CAT.
Irishman Had Cheaper Form of Analy
sis In His Mind.
Export testimony mny bo valuable
from a scientific point of vlow , but
there are often cheaper ways of es
tablishing a certainty , ns the hero of
the following anecdote decided nt the
last moment. An Irish laborer en
tered ix drug store , and drawing a
paper bag from his pocket , poured on
the counter a number of very sticky
and unattractive looking lozenges.
"Can ye examine this candy ? " ho
asked.
"It looks qudor. What Is the mat
ter with It ? " asked the druggist
"Plzen , Ol'm thlnkln' . Did yo Ivor
see such stuff ? Dlnnls Daly give them
to me b'y , and Dlunls Is no frlnd of
mine. "
"Well , I can make an analysis. "
"All right. Ol'll come In to-morrow
on me way from worruk. "
The Irishman had reached the door ,
but he suddenly stopped with his hand
on the latch.
"And how much will thot 'nalysls
be costing me ? " ho Inquired.
"Five dollars , " was the answer.
The man walked over to the coun
ter and swept the lozenges Into the
bag , which ho replaced In his pocket.
"Nlver molnd , " ho said. "Ol'll feed
wan to the cat. "
FABLE BROUGHT UP TO DATE.
A Little Allowance for the Imagination
Requisite Here.
Once upon a Time a Bravo Youth
risked his Llfo In saving a Deuutiful
Girl from a Watery Grave at a Fash
ionable Seaside Resort.
The Grateful Father seized the Res
cuer of his Daughter by the Hand , and
In a Voice slopping over with Emo
tion , spake thusly : "Noble Youth , to
You I am Indebted for everything that
makes Llfo Worth While. Which Re
ward will you Take Two * * Hundred
Thousand Plunks or the Hand of My
Child ? "
"It's Me to the Digit of the Rescued
Maid , " answered the Bravo Youth ,
who Figured on Copping both the
Beauty and the Coin.
"Young Man , you have Chosen Wise
ly , " replied the Grateful Parent , "for
I couldn't have given you the Two
Hundred Thousand Plunks at the
Present Writing , as I am only a Poor
Village Editor and haven't begun to
Save It up yet , but my Offspring Is
Yours for Life , Bless you , my Chil
dren. "
Moral Fiction Is Stranger than
Truth. Otherwise a Poor Village Ed
itor would not have been doing a
Stunt at a Fashionable Seaside Re
sort. Chicago Dally News.
She Saw Her.
"Tho late Clara Bloodgood , " ald a
theatrical manager of Chicago , "was
witty as she was talented and beau
tiful. Sdmetlmes , Indeed , her keen
wit carried her rather far.
"I remember once , at a tea at the
Auditorium , a remark that the bril
liant actress made to a society
woman.
" 'You were at Bar Harbor , I'be
lieve , In the summer ? ' said the BO-
clety woman.
" 'Yes , ' sftld the actress.
" 'And did you see much of my
daughter there ? '
" 'Rather , ' was the answer. 'She
wore a bathing suit In the morning ,
riding bloomers In the afternoon and
low neck at night. "
Don't Be Left Handed.
It has been estimated that about
ono boy out of 15 Is left-handed when
ho reaches the age of ten. This Is his
mother's fault In not making him use
his right hand more during his baby
hood. In Germany there are schools
where the boy Is taught to bo right-
handed. Nearly all tools are made for
right-handed men , and the boy who
grows up left-handed will bo awk
ward.
If ono can use both hands alike he
has an advantage In some things ; but
it 'seems aa if nature Intended the
right arm to do most of the work.
Grain as a Weight.
The name "grain" as a weight orig
inated in a curious way. The old Eng
lish pound was equivalent to "tho
weight of 7,680 grains of wheat , taken
from the middle of the ear. " This
gives 480 to each of the 16 ounces of
which the pound was composed. Al
though the standard la now entirely
different , the fact that there are still
480 grains to the ounce Troy and the
ounce apothecaries' weight carries us
back to the tlmo of the Conquest , and
shows us how the name grain orig
inated.
Stilt Skating.
'They skate on stilts in Sweden , "
said a traveler. "It is an odd and
pretty sight to BOO. Hero a girl skims
along , elevated two feet above the loo.
There goea an expert upon stilts five
feet high.
"Stilt ekatlng is very , very difficult.
Nevertheless , the Swedes do the outer
and inner edge , cut rings backward ,
even make the grapevine.
"But when they fall ! A fall from
five-foot stilts often makes a bolo In
the ico. "
Knew How to Treat a Lady.
The woman had been accused of
murder , the evidence sustaining the
charge , but the jury brought in a
verdict of "not guilty. "
"How did you roach such a mon
strous conclusion ? " oskcta the judge ,
severely.
"Your honor , " returned the fore
man , "do we look like 12 Jays that
don't know how to treat a lady ? "
National Prosperity Association ,
A business organization lias
been formed in St. Louis called
"The National Prosperity Asso
ciation , " having for its object
the encouragement of a return
of prosperity. The following is
a statement in part made by B.C.
Simmons , chairman of the execu.
live committee , which we deem
worthy of publication :
We have formed a business
organization to be called The
National Prosperity Association
of St. Louis having for its ob
ject the encouragement of a re.
turn of prosperity sooner than
might otherwise return without
help , or without some active
efforts on the part of the busi
ness men , We believe that pres
ent conditions are exceedingly
favorable to this. The body
commercial has been very ill.
and in a sense luls had the typh
oid fever , but now the fever has
entirely left ; the disease is out ,
and the patient only remains
siclc and weak , so that perma
nent recovery is only a matter
of time. IIow to quicken thai
recovery in a healthy manner , is
the problem we are undertaking ,
and we believe in the power of
encouragement by showing to
the world at large that condi
tions are fundamenally sound
and healthy , and that nothing
now exists but a lack of confi
dence to restore us to a full
measure of prosperity , such as
existed a year ago. We are
making an effort through the
press and through other business
associations , and through the
traveling salesmen , to encourage
the people to see the sunshine
that is clearly in the pathway ,
and to believe that things are
very much better than mostpeo-
pie think they are , and that with
the present crop prospects soon
to be realized ii nothing unfor-
seen occurs in the immediate
future it is only a question ot
a very short time when the dinner -
ner pails will again be full , and
the unemployed will again be
employed at fair wages , and
that there will be no reduction
in wages of those already em
ployed. We believe there is a
great change ot sentiment with
the intelligent people of the
United States , and that it is
increasing very rapidly , it
therefore , seems to us a most
propitious time to do what we
can to encourage a quick return
of prosperity , to the great bene
fit of the laboring man , and to
the benefit ot all business inter ,
ests.
ests.With
With the full co-operation of
the press of the United States
which we hope to have and
with the united efforts of the
business associations of all the
large cities , we feel confident of
our ability to accelerate the
speed of returning prosperity tea
a great degree. It is hardly
necessary to say that everybody
would like to have wages main
tained at the highest figure and
wi thout a cut. There is no doubt
as to the wisdom of this course.
We are most heartily in favor
of it , and are working to that
end giving our time and our
money to accentuate better con
ditions and returning prosperity.
We hope and expect to have the
co-operation of manufacturers ,
merchants , bankers , railroads
and the labor element.
Fundamentally , everything is
all right the basis of our pros
perity comes irom the soil , and
the products of the soil never
had greater value than at pres-
ent. The outlook lor crops is
marvelously promising. To illus
trate ; The Winter Wheat crop ,
which is the first one ot import
ance that comes to our notice ,
is better than ever before in the
history of this country. Kansas
reports a condition of 105 on
Winter Wheat something here
tofore unknown. When the lura.
ber interests shut down and the
railroads laid off a lot ot their
employes , a large proportion of
them went immediately to the
farmers or planters , so that
these tillers of the soil have , for
the first time in many years ,
had enough labor to put in a
full or large crop , perhaps a
larger crop than ever before ,
and the planting is still going
on. With a larger planting than
has ever gone into the ground ,
and with favorable weather , it
seems reasonable to suppose
that we may have most excellent
crops this year it-looks exceed
ingly probable. Thereforeevery
thing which is the base of our
prosperity is right all that is
necessary now is to restore con
fidence so that the wheels of
commerce begin to move again
with the same rapidity that they
did a year or two ago , when we
were at the height of our pros
perity , and from which we went ,
in a wonderfully short time , tea
a very low stage oi depression
and hard times.
Asking the co-operation of
everybody in the United States
in this movement which we
think has great merit , and which
has great possibilities and in
the hopes of receiving most cor
dial co-operation , we are , with
great earnestness ,
THE NATIONAL
PROSPERITY ASSOCIATION
BY E. 0. SIMMONS ,
Chairman of the Executive Com.
LAUGHTER NOT ALWAYS GOOD.
Evidences of Merriment Sometimes by
No Means Satisfying.
"Of course , you have heard , " said
the man with a sensitive ear , "a laugh
that Jarred. I don't mean , " ho con
tinued , "so much n laugh at an Inop
portune time I Imagine wo have all
heard such laughs as a laugh the
quality of which Is unpleasant. There
Is something contusions In laughter
of the right kind , even though you
may bo the object of It. It bubbles
from the well of good humor ; there lone
no hidden thought , or 'arrlero penseo,1
as the French say , behind It. It Is the
essence of frankness ; It is spontane
ous and wholcsoulcd , and It cleanses
the system of the laughter , and , too ,
ot the hearer , llko a spiritual bath.
"But there are other kinds of laugh
ter. The sneering laugh is perhaps
the most familiar. Then there is a
quiet laugh a sibilant secretive eort
of laugh that is quite as certain to
mean mischief. Another laugh , dis
agreeable in its nature , is the high-
pitched , nervous cachtnution that
comes either from embarrassment or
Is a mere vocal habit. The worst
laugh of all , however , to my mind , la
that mirthless sound provoked by the
distress or embarrassment ot others ,
and It rasps , naturally , most of all ,
the object calling It forth. A person
laughed at and hurt never forgets the
experience. "
GIGANTIC IN SIZE AND WEIGHT.
Biggest Man That Ever Lived Claimed
by North Carolina.
"I'll bet none of you folks know that
the largest man that ever lived was
born and raised in North Carolina , "
said a Tar Heel. "His existence and
dimensions are vouched for in the
American encyclopedia.
"His name was Miles Dnrdcn. Ho
was seven feet six Inches high , and In
1845 weighed 871 pounds. Ho was
born In North Carolina In 1798 and
died in Tennessee January 23 , 1857.
Until 1853 bo was able to go about
his work in an active manner , but his
weight increased so fast that after
Uiat year when ho wanted to move
about ho had to bo hauled In a two-
horao wagon. In 1839 it is chronicled
that his coat was buttoned around
three men , each weighing more than
200 pounds , who walked together In it
down the streets in Lexington , N. 0.
At his death he Is said to have
weighed not less than 1,000 pounds.
His coffin was 8 foot long , 35 Inches
deep , 32 Inches across the breast , 18
across the head and 14 across the
foot These measurements were
taken at the time and are matters ot
historical record. "
More Than He Wanted.
"Sometimes ladles thank mo when
I glvo up my seat to thorn , " the young
man said , "and sometimes they do
not , and then occasionally something
unusual happens. This morning when
I gavo.up my seat to a lady she
thanked mo effusively.
" Thank you very much , ' she said ;
'very acceptable , 1 asanro you. ' Thla
speech attracted the attention of all
around , and really I think I would
prefer not to bo thanked at all rather
than to be thanked so generously.
"If It would bo polite for mo to tn-
dlcato just how I'd llko to bo thanked
for giving up my seat 1 should eay
that just a llttlo smile with a slight
Inclination of the head , would bo tho.
acknowledgment that would please mo '
boat of all. "
Greek Gives Fortune to Public.
A rcmarkablo case of patriotic pub
lic spirit Is recorded at Athena , '
Greece , where a wealthy Greek named
Sevastopulos has loft a largo fortune
of $1,000,000 for various public ob
jects. Quo hundred thousand dollars
Is left for the Greek Royal Agricul
tural society , { 60,000 for founding a
technical school for work people , and
fSOO.OOO for various philanthropic In
stitutions In Athens and Constant-
nnula.
I THE FIRST LESSON
* .
A innil is given to learn when ho enrolls In the school which
qualifies for success is to put by | > art of his salary or Income rcgu-
larly ,
The truest friend In time of adversity is the bank account , and
the surest foundation upon which to build u fortune h the ncciimu- <
latcd savings of months and years , The habit of putting money o i
away Is rcllex hi Its action The money in Itself Is a valuable nc- * i
ccssory , and the quality of miiiil and character developed through
this habit makes for ultimate success , *
4)1 ) I
t FARMERS STATE BANK SS ,
.SEASONABLE GOODS
| . . .
Here are a few things in our line that we feel sure
woukl interest you at this season of the year.
The MOTOR WASHER , a Monday morn-
ihg necessity that you cannot afford
to be without.
Then we have the JEWEL GASOLINE -
OLINE STOVE , the ALASKA
REFRIGATOR , the house wife's
friends this hot weather.
Lowe Bros' . , PAINT
will interest you , both in quality and
price.
CALL AND LOOK THROUG OUR LINE
J. C. TANNER
Ours Arc "Dependable" Goods FALLS CITY , NEB.
SPECIAL SALE
French China Dinnerware , Haviland & Go's.
Ranson pattern , in a pink rose decoration with
delicate green leaves. We carry this pattern in
stock and can sell you any piece you may break.
An extra large salad bowl to match , FREE with
each 100 piece set , $40 per set. : - :
Three patterns of Avenir Limoge French China in
P'nk spray , rose bud and violet spray decorations.
Special price $27.50 for 100 piece set. The seta will be
displayed in our south window. See them.
Chas. M. Wilson's
5 The Falls City Roller Mills t
*
Does a. general milling business , and manufactures the
following brands of flour
SUNFLOWER MAGNOLIA CROWN
The above brands arc gunrantccd to be of the highest pos
sible quality. We also manufacture all mill products and
conduct a general
C
Grain , Live Stock and Coal Business C c
and solicit a share of your patronage
n
P. S. Heacock & Son Falls City , Nebr.n c ( ?
Did YOV See ?
Those Fine Buggies and Surries we just received
a car load of Moon Bros. ,
Surries , Buggies and Spring Wagons
The only place to buy and to see the most up-to-
date Vehicles is at Werner Mosiman & Co. , and
the way they go out is a proof they are
The Best Money Can Buy
We also have a complete line of Farm Impliments
just fresh and up-to-date. Our prices are in reach
of every one , call and see us before you buy. We
lead them all. *
Remember , we carry everything in the Implement line ,
such as Gas Engines , Wind Mills , Pumps , Tanks ,
Pipe and Fittings. Also are agents for the Pure
Soft Cable Lightning Rod
and just the thing you need to Protect your House
and Barn. Get our price and be protected from
Lightning. Call and see us we can save you
money. Yours truly ,
Werner , Mosiman
AND COMPANY
