THE FALLS CITY TRIBUNE , FRIDAY , NOVEMBER 8 , 1907
WHERE SHE WAS AT HOME
, Pretty Girl Not Interested In Jokes
H , . Finally Found Something That
Was Worth Reading.
A Prelty Girl was riding dowr
town in a Charles street car the
other day , reading a copy of 0110,0 !
the humorous magazines , says the
Baltimore American. Evidently
someone had presented it to her , foi
no woman was ever known to stop ai
a stand and buy a funny magazine
But this Pretty Girl was reading tin
magazine carefully and conscien
tiously , judging by the expression
Not a smile troubled the soft curve :
around her mouth. She looked lonj
and earnestly at the political cartooi
and there seemed to be a sort of pitj
in her eye as she turned to the iiex
page. Down the columns she went
looking attentively at all the pic
hires , but she never smiled.
A man on the back seat bccam <
interested. On the next page was i
joke that ho had read the day bofon
and nearly split his sides laughim
over likewise two of his friends t (
whom ho had told it. When tin
Pretty Girl read this she would ccr
" " * * " * tainly smile. But she didn't.
Then he noticed that she wai
growing sterner , then disdainful , bu
she read the whole of that magazim
through , road it conscientiously.
All at once she heaved a sigh o
relief. She had reached a page 01
which was an advertisement for i
brand of face powder and for a nev
make of corset , and as she went f ron
one page to another containing tin
advertisements , her attention was IN
longer conscientious , but it was fa
more enthusiastic.
WINNING COMPLIMENT.
The beautiful girl shook her henc
in the negative.
v ' 'No/ ' she said , after a moment'
deliberation , " 1 can never no
never be your wife. But I'll tel
you what 1 will do. Just to shov
you 'that there is no hard feeling 01
my part , 1 will bo present when yoi
marry some other girl and bomban
you with my shoes for luck. "
Ah , here was an opportunity
Quick as a flash the young man re
sponded :
"Please don't. If you must throv
old shoes borrow them. "
1 ' " "And why not use my own ? "
"Because they are so small w
could never detect them from th
rice. ' '
Flattery won. The beautiful gir
decided then and there that th
young man was altogether too clove
for any other girl , so she revcrsei
her decision and the cards are out.
SUPPLYING A MIDDLE NAME.
"Many a young person is shockei
by the sudden realization that he ha
no middle name , just before com
mencemcnt each year/ ' said a big ]
school instructor. "It's stirprisin ;
the number in the classes each yea
who haven't the middle initial. Who
it comes time to put the full name
on the commencement invitations o
programme those who have only tw
names feel mighty cheap. One da
j , just before commencement last yea
I heard a group of boys having
heated argument about something
and f stopped to listen. They wcr
trying to decide on a name for on
of their number so that he couli
* have a first-class name to put in th
class roll. They finally decided o
one that he agreed to and he wa
christened right there. "
RT. REV. SAWBONES.
The bishop of Selkirk , Scotlanc
stated recently that during his sc
journ in the Arctic regions , bun
drcds of miles way from doctor
and nurses , people had come to hii
to have fingers taken oil and teet
extracted. One woman came 1,50
miles to have a tooth taken out. II
practiced on his wife and she pra (
ticcd on him. Once , when he live
among the Eskimos in a snow-hous <
he became suddenly ill with pleurisi
and he thereupon mixed mustar
and snow with splendid effect , an
made himself well again. His predi
ce. ? or as bishop amputated a man1
leg with a common saw and butcher
knife.
ALWAYS NEAR.
"We would like you to go on on
personally conducted tours , " said tli
ticket agent.
"Don't care about it , " replied tli
meek little man behind the mour
fain of baggage.
"But wouldn't you like to kno
that some one was always keepin
an eye on you ? "
"Oh , don't worry about that. M
wife U going along. "
ROSE WORTH MUCH MONEY
Represents $25,000 a Year as Payment
for Plot of Ground Owned
by English School.
Quite a picturesque formality look
place the other evening at the his
toric St. Olave's and St. Saviour's
Grammar school , in Tooley street ,
the-occasion being "rent day" o's
well as speech day. In the reign
of Queen Elizabeth the churchward
ens purchased on behalf of the par
ish n field in the old parish of
Horslcydown in order to endow the
school then , of course , a very small
one. The revenue brought in more
money tllan was needed , and a portion
tion of the field was leased to trus
tees for the benefit of the poor. The
lease was for a term of 500 years , ill
the yearly rent of a red rose , payable
at midsummer if lawfully demand
ed. The lease is now held by the
trustees of the united charities of
St. Olave and St. John , and they
provide maintenance scholarships
for girls and boys , in accordance
with annual custom the rent was
demanded , and a red rose was pre
sented by Mr. Fells , a governor of
the .school , to J. Temple Scrivcn ,
the warden. Originally the field was
purchased for 30. Now the tolal
income from it is about .C5,000 , a
portion of which is devoted to the
provision of pensions for the aged
poor. Hence , in the vicinity of the
famous Tooley street a "red , red
rose" is worth .L'5,000 a year. Lon
don Telegraph.
A STRANGE COFFIN.
The strangest collin of which
there is record , perhaps , is one for
which the British war department is
responsible. The story is that a
workman engaged in casting metal
for the manufacture of ordnance
in the Woolwich arsenal , lost his
balance and fell into a caldron con
taining 12 tons of molten metal.
The metal was at white heat , and
the man's body was utterly con
sumed in less time than it takes to
tell about it. The war department
authorities held a conference and
decided not to profancc the dead by
using the metal in the manufacture
of ordnance , and the mass of iriotal
was actually buried , and a Church
of England clergyman read the
services for the dead over it.
WHAT DID HE MEAN ?
Old Gent Where are you livin
now ?
Young Gent Just down by th
river. Drop in sonic day. 1 shall b
so glad.
TWO MONTHS' ABSENCE.
"But , my poor man , " said th
kind housewife , who bad given th
tram ] ) some stationery and a stam
to write to friends in the east , "wh
do you state 'If not delivered rctur
after GO days to writer ? ' Sure !
it won't take GO days for the lettc
to journey to New York ? "
The tramp smiled.
" " confided "it won1
"No , lady , he ,
take GO days to get to New YorJ
but it will bo GO clays before I wil
be able to receive it. You see , muir
1 expect to pass two months in d
workhouse. "
"WHAT'S IT GOOD FOR ? "
i
"Kattlcsnake oil ten cents
glass" was the sign the traveler sai
in the dry country.
"What's it good /or ? " he asked.
"Most anything , stranger , " wa
the reply. "Throe glasses will mak
you rich as liockefcller , four wi
make you outrun a railroad trair
an * six will put you so high on th
Ilalleluia hill you'll holler hello t
the angels an' think the stars ai
fire coals to light yer pipe with.-
Atlanta Constitution.
NO CAUSE FOR WORRY.
Mrs. Caller You seem chcerfi
despite your husband's failure i
business.
Mrs. Sharp Oh , yea ; most of hi
property was in my name.
THE DANISH SMART SET-
Remarkable Wave of Religious Fervor
Hns Swept Through the Palaces
of Copenhagen ,
The queen of Denmark will hard
ly appreciate all the gay things getup
up in London in her honor , for she
is a royalty devoted only to good
works , and caring less- than nothing
for the sinful pride of worldly af
fairs , says a writer in the London
Sketch. I understand it causes real
distress to her majesty when she haste
to attend a ball. This austerity in
the most exalted circles has brought
about a social revolution in Copen
hagen , which , once the most light-
hearled and irresponsible of capitals ,
is now given over to religious fervor
and a rigorous pietistic revival such
as once in 50 years or so seems to
sweep over northern Europe. Slend-
1ml , in one of his stories , describes
how one of these religious storms
oven reached Paris and affected cer
tain oversensitive duchesses in the
Faubourg St. Germain with curious
results.
One who knows the "inside track"
in Copenhagen assures me that it is
now the fashion in that once lively
city to give parties at which the
guests get up in turn and confess
their sins aloud. This is a custom
which , if introduced into London ,
would add considerably to the
piquancy of our present monotonous
entcrlainnionls and give an interest
to the season of IDOT which would
alone for nrctic nkios and lack of so
cial enterprise.
CAUTIOUS.
lie It Is reported that you and
arc engaged.
She Of course you denied It ?
Ho No. I was afraid to do so wltli
out first seeing you.
ALMOST TOO ARDENT.
All ardent scientist and an en
thusiastie linguist was the late kin :
of Siam , father of the present mon
arch. He was much interested ii
translation from his own hmguag
into English , as the Britisli consu
at Bangkok know only too well
That ollicial was once aroused in th
middle of the night by the arrival o
a state barge and an urgent sum
mons to the palace. Dressing ii
baste , imagining that at least a revolution
elution had taken place , he hurriei
to the king to. find his intijest ,
wrestling with n Siamcsc-Englisl
dictionary for the right rcndcrin. .
into English of the tronblcsom
Siamese word "phi. " The consu
had been snatched from his slumber
to decided between the various in
lerpretations of ghost , spirit , sou !
evil angel , devil and deuce !
' FOLLOWING THE MONEY.
A man who spends mwt of hi
time traveling went to hiu favorit
restaurant u night or two ago am
the waiter who appeared to serv
him greeted him with a smile.
"Hello , " said the traveler , "
haven't seen you in some time. "
"Xo , " responded the waiter. "
served jym last at Palm Beach. "
"You have traveled some , then ?
said the man.
"Oh , my , yes , " replied the waitei
'In the winter I go south and who
the season is over I come back t
town. Then I get a job at one o
the Saratoga hotels for the racin
season , and I generally end up a
Newport. You must follow the pec
pie with money , sir , if you want t
do well in this business. " N. \
Sun.
THE STOVE PLAGIARIST.
One of the eilicient agencies fo
the pulling down of profits has bee
the tendency of many stove mam
facturers to be mcro copyists in thei
pattern department , complains A. C
Mott , in Metal Worker. It is note
rious that the pattern copyist seldoi
copies quite so closely as to proven
his stove from costing more than tli
original , but he almost always got
forth and cuts the price of the orij
inal , in order to "introduce" his nv
of gooda.
WAYS OF THE GYPSY
Life In the Open Air Has Made Them
Healthiest Persons In the World-
Hint for the Consumptives.
The healthiest persons in thu
world arc gypsies , and they live in
the open air , but there is an erro
neous idea that gypsies are people
who defy the elements lo. destroy
their health. On the contrary , they
arc very careful , indeed , of their
health , even though living out of
doors. They never go to bed with
the draft blowing over them , but
have free circulation around them ,
yet protected from rain and wiiut.
While sometimes seemingly scantily
attired , they always are warmly
clothed beneath , wearing warm un
derclothing. The consumptives who
go to places for their health are now
living exactly as the gypsies , and ho-
eauso of the disease being considered
contagious , many must live in tents.
It is here that the clllcacy of pure
air is being fully demonstrated , for
it often effects a cure if the patient
is not too weak when the treatment
begins.
IN 1950.
"Does baby want to take a walk ? '
" 1 think not , Mary. I liavo n pot
plcxlns defect In my airship to coi
roct , and It will tnko my spare me
ments to do HO. "
GO OUTSIDE OWN LINES.
Of course , outside of the indc
pendent and salaried professional inventors
vontors is the great army of mci
who , while actively engaged in oc
cupations embracing every line o
human endeavor , develop new idem
often of great value and just as ot
Icn altogether out of the line of rojj
ular work , says the Enginoorin ,
Magazine. An inquiry into the pei
sonalities of a few dozen inventors t
whom patents have been grantei
during the last year shows some remarkable
markablo facts. Among thorn a so
captain has patented a steering gea
for automobiles , while a carriag
builder has invented a ship's cap
stan. A blacksmith has papers fo
a fishing reel , a shoemaker for
typewriter , a physician for a dee
lock and an undertaker for a hoist
ing derrick , and many others she )
just as strange deviation from thei
regular walks of life.
DANCE PLEASED WH1TTIER.
Miss Emma Thursby , whoso con
cert tours with the great Norwogia :
violinist , Ole Bull , made her th
friend of his family , was often
guest during the summer in hi
home , the James Ihissoll Lowe !
house at Cambridge , Mass.
In an article in the Philadelpih
Press Miss Thursby says that Loii
fellow , who was devoted to Ole Bull' '
playing , was often a visitor , an
there she first met Whittier , th
poet.The
The beautiful old man was the
70 , and had never seen a dance. On
night Olea , Mr. Bull's daughlei
danced a Norwegian spring danci
There was a little fear that Whittle
might be shocked. He was not.
"Please repeat it , " he said. "It i
the first dance I have ever seen , an
I think it very beautiful. "
GOOD OLD TIMES.
As wits , theologians , politiciai :
and writers , the women of J50 r
1GO years ago were certainly in IH
vance of those of to-day , yet appai
cntly they had no wish to push ma
from his proper place. They wage
no sex war ; they held no unti-matr
inoninl views. They made goo
mothers , they were excellent housi
wives , they were socially charmiiij
they managed to be personally a
tractive. In many directions tin
bad the advantage of us. Londo
Lady's Pictorial.
ENGAGED AGAIN.
Gcraldinc Didn't I promise I
marry you when we were hero a yei
,
,11 rn '
o
Gerald Yes , we are plajing a r <
turn engagement.
HISTORY OF THE SCARAB
Ornament Now So Popular Had Its
Origin In the Scarabaeus , Sacred
Beetle of Egypt.
A scarab in ring or pin is now I he
accepted amulet and n favorite gift
lo ono'a beat friend. 11 is impossible
for the layman to tell an "antique"
from a manufactured scantbaous , so
it is a case of where "ignorance is
bliss" with the average person. The
first ring setting for the scarab was
said , to bo the swivel , and they cer
tainly make a very attractive ring
mounted in this way.
The question is frequently asked ,
"What is a'scarab ? " And unless
much interested in such things thu
subject is not looked up.
The scarabaeus is the sacred beetle
of Egypt. It was an object of wor
ship in olden days and was most
carefully embalmed at death. The
ancient Egyptians believed the heart
to be Iho center of intellect as well
as the source of life , and removed
this organ when the embalming pro
cess look place , a model of Ihe scar-
abaous being put in ils place.
A Chicago man has what Mr.
Breasted , the Egyptologist , says is
one of the finest "heart scarabs" in
existence. There are many varieties
of this sacred beetle , as the monuments
ments in Egypt show. The scarab
was the favorite insignia of both
men and women and was worn as a
charm to protect from harm and in
sure desirable qualities lo make them
attractive.
II is now supposed that the signet
ring ghen by Pharaoh lo Joseph
bore Iho shape and markings of ( lie
scarabaeus1. Many hard stones were
used for these models , the turquoise
matrix , lapis-lax.uli , jasper , ame
thyst , agate and onyx being much in
favor. Some of the ancient onus are
olovcrly cut and were used as models ,
also as coin of Iho realm. The finest
are found with the mummies in old
tombs.
STRENGTH OP MUSHROOM.
Illustration of the wonderful
strength of growing vegetable mat
ter is afforded in a forceful manner
by a mushroom brought lo the office
of the News by T. J. Trusler. The
mushroom , which is of the edible
kind , grew under the asphalt pave
ment of Iho Middle Drive. Its
strength in growing was sullieienl to
bulge up Iho pavement for a radius
of more limn two inches and finally
lo break elF the hump of asphalt.
Imbedded like a cap in the center
of the mass of asphalt is the pilous
of the mushroom. This is perfectly
formed. The stipe or stem is
slender and only slightly bent. The
circular pioee of asphalt displaced
is about four inches in diameter and
'about an inch and a half thick. The
surface is filled with seams and
cracks , showing thai Ihe asphalt
gave way slowly under the gradually
increasing pressure of the mushroom
beneath. Indianapolis News.
NO CHANCE.
"How Is It u Hinnit looking chap Ilk
you never married ? "
"Well , you see , when I was quit
young I resolved I would never marr ;
until I found tin Ideal woman. Aftc
many years I found one. "
"Well , what then ? "
"Sho was looking for an Ideal man.
SNAKES FOUGHT TO DEATH.
A bitter battle for life between
hlacksnakc and a milk snake wa
witnessed recently by ( ! . W. an <
.Jacob K rouse. , truth-telling Bcnto
township citizens , the fight resultin
in the death of the big blacksnake.
The men were out walking who
tljoy came upon the two in deatll
combat. The blacksnake was .sove
feet long and its opponent only tw
feet , but the smaller was coilo
around the blacksnake's body ju-
buck of the head and managed t
quoo/o it to death. The viotor w.i
then killed bv V IPH. Hli oiinj ; :
ton Cor. Philuiclphia Hcvord.
NEED MRJ OXEN TALK"
Men of Affairs Have to Use Vitupera
tion Occasionally In Dealing
with Colleagues.
Whenever Theodore 1' . Shonla ,
bend of the
Tntorborough-Metropoli-
lan company , returns lo his olllco
and remarks : " 1 gave them oxen
talk ! " his secretaries know then
some one got a good laying out. Of
course , there is a story about the
way "oxen talk" got into the Shouts
family , and here it is :
His father was a western pioneer ,
and crossed the plains with on ox
train. One of the party was n cler
gyman , and although he had the
Unost yoke , he was always getting
stuck. The leader grow tired going
to the rear every few hours to got
the clergyman's oxen over the rough
places , but under his iluent cursing
the oxen never failed to move. Fin
ally ho said to the clergyman :
"Parson , you've just got lo learn
oxen talk. Damn Vm , sir. Cuss 'cm
right and left ; it's the only language
they understand. "
Mr. Shouts' father learned "oxen
talk" along with the minister , and
both have found use for it on rare
occasions in driving ox-like men.
MATCHED THE BOSS.
Boston and Cambridge people of
an earlier day remember well Prof.
Child of Harvard , a scholar who
was likewise a live man. President
Eliot tells with great gusto a story
about bis faithful attention to city
politics.
Prof. Child always attended to his
duties us a citizen of Cambridge.
OIKS night ho went to a ward meet
ing at which a boss began to put
forth some of his warped ideas. The
college professor was speedily on his
feet and scathingly denounced the
boss and bis methods.
After the meeting was over the
good-natured boss , just , lo show that
he bore no ill will , met the scholar
on the stairs and genially handing
over a cigar , said : "Have a smoke ,
profess ? "
His antagonist straightened , up ,
took the cigar , and said with great
dignity : "Yes ; I'll match you in
any of your lesser vices ! "
ELECTRICAL SHAVING.
_ _
They arc trying it on the dog
now nt stables all over town , where
my lady's maid can bring Fide or
Hex or Mufti for his summer shave ,
says the New York Tribune. "It"
is Hie now clipping machine operat
ed by electricity. All you have to
do is ( o bring the beast and place
the machine just so and then switch
the animal around and around in
pliieo until the job is done. In the
stables where the now machine id in
stalled the report is that it is a
great improvement for both man
and beast over the old band process.
Fide likes it and Useful Jack finds
less provocation to break out into
strong language at the twilchings of
( be animal. It doesn't take half the
limo consumed in the old process ,
it does a cleaner job and it is for less
likely to annoy the subject operat
ed on.
LIGHTNING'S PECULIAR FREAK.
Lightning played n peculiar freak
recently when it struck the resi
dence of CT"\\r. Suinmcrlin , who
lives on the upper town road a short
distance north of the city.
It struck the house , passing
through the roof and ceiling , mak
ing only a small hole and setting
nothing on fire. A streak was
burned in the wall paper down one
side of the room and a large mirror
which was bunging on the wall had
all of the quicksilver melted from
the back of it. The lightning then
passed out through the floor and
into the earth. Las Vegas Optic.
WHAT SHE WANTED.
Oobsa Oolde , the octogenarian
millionaire , dropped stitlly on one
knee.
"Darling , won't you marry mo ?
I'd die for you , " ho said.
"If one could feel quite sure , "
murmured the young girl , "why ,
then "
She gazed doubtfully upon the
rich old man , a shade of mistrust in
her lovely violet eyes
A LONG JOB.
A friend of the writer , who was
looking for laborers , inquired of a
Swedish neighbor about a certain
countryman and friend of his , hop
ing to secure his services.
"Oh , " replied the Swede , "Him
got a long yob now he drive d *
team vile him brodder is dead. "