THE FALLS CITY TRIBUNE , FRIDAY , SEPTEMBER 27 , 1907
STORY POINTED A MORAL
Archibald Claverlng Gunter's Clever
Illustration of Case of In
direct Bribery.
Some editors were discussing the
personality of tlie lute Archibald
Clavering Gunter , tliu uullinr of
"Mr. Barnes of New York. "
"Outlier. " said a dramatic- editor ,
"had a keen souse of honor , Brib
ery of any sort was very distal eful
to him. 1 remember the pointed
way in which he told a bribery story
in the presence of u theatrical man
ager whose eulogistic reviews in the
press were thought to be due in one
' oil. ' A weekly
or two cases to 'palm
ly paper hnd attacked this manager
ami then suddenly turned round
and praised him. The manager said
it was a remarkable thing. He
could not understand it. And then
Gunter told his story. Tie said there
was an old railway watchman who
was overfond of whisky. One cold
and stormy night the watchman
found a tramp in a warm box car
and sternly ordered him to be oil' .
The tramp bogged and pleaded. In
vain. The watchman knew his duty
and would perform it. So the tramp
ro.-e from his comfortable comer
and slowly and sadly pinned up the
collar of his thin coat as some pro
tection against the storm.
" 'All right , boss. * he said ; 'I'll go
if 1 must. You've got to do your
duty. " Then he pulled a pint flask
from his hip pocket. 'To show
there's no ill feel in' , * he added , 'take
a swig o' this. ' The watchman's
hard eyes softened and lit up and as
he stretched out an eager baud he
said smilingly : 'Sit down , man.
Ye didn't think I was in earnest ,
did ye ? " '
EASY TO SEE THAT.
r
First Owl ( looking at the fallow or
spotted deer ) Hoot , mon ! They look
fond of each other !
Second Owl Of course , silly ! Can't
you see they're on their honeymoon
look at the confetti !
USE OLDTIME OVENS. '
In Camilla the French settlers
still continue to u.-e large brick
ovens out of doors such a * were built
in France 2.)0 years ago. The per
fection of the stove and range in
the last . " ) U years has driu-n mam
of these ovens out of commission ,
but many of the inhabitant.- think
that no good baking can be done in
any other oven. I is use is simple
A fire is made in the oven of good
hard wood and when the oven is ex
ceedingly hot the ashes are raked
out and the large loaves ready tr
bake are placed on the bottom of the
oven Avithout pans. This method oi
baking makes a very thick croute 01
crust. As all of the natural elf
inents of the grain are left in tin
* "V ' ' * * ' flour the bread is dark in color.
NO USE.
"I hear you use hypotism , " sai <
the woman , "and 1 want you to trj
it on my husband. He's sufl'erinj
dreadfully. "
"All right , " responded the dent
ist , "bring him in. "
"Bring him in-1 Why , say , un
less you hypotixe him first he can' :
be dragged within ten blocks o ;
your oflice. "
"Absent treatment is out ofim
% *
line , " responded the profession ! !
man , somewhat coldlv.
THE MISTAKES OF OTHERS.
"We should learn to profit by tin
mistakes that other.make. . " said tin
philosopher.
" 1 do that right along , " rcpliec
the humorist. "Bagley got int <
the wrong house when he came honn
from the banquet the other nigh
and J wrote a story about it whicl
1 have just sold to one of the eoinii
papers for nine dollars. "
MERELY A LEARNER AS YET.
Solcer 1 won $50 from 'Ring
last night playing poker.
Joker Why , does Hingis knov
how to play poker ?
8 kir Not vat. Lduoincott'i.
BROUGHT FLATTERY TO BEAR
Persians Acted Shrewdly In Effort to
Save Comrade Who Had
Been Indiscreet.
A modern instance of the quick
ness of Persian wit was told me by
a missionary physician of Teheran ,
says a correspondent. Whatever the
estimate in which the missionary
who deals with the soul or with the
mind may be held , the missionary
who deals with the body is always
regarded with respect not unmingled -
mingled with awe. To him is given
the title of "The Wise Man. "
One day Dr. was passing the
house of a wealthy Persian. Sev
eral servants sat at the gate. With
one exception they all knew the doc
tor , and , rising , saluted him with
great respect. The it ranger made
some insulting remark about Ihc
"frangi" and spat at the foreigner.
Dr. instantly stopped , and or
dered that the young man bo
brought to him. Two of the serv
ants , seizing their companion by the
shoulders , hurried him forward , and
when they reached the doctor's car
riage one of them said : "Oh , Chief
of the Wise Men , this boy is an
idiot whom our master has brought
here from a distant province , think
ing that you alone have the skill to
cure him. "
SPITZBERGEN HUNTING GOOD.
It is getting to be a fad among
Parisian sportsmen to join the Nor
wegian hunting parties which start
for the far northern sens ever ) '
spring and bring back big bags ol
out of the way game. These expe
ditions embark in sloops of from 30
to 50 tons , each carrying a crew ol
eight or ten men. They usually
sail from the northern and north
western parts of Norway. Tromso
is the chief point of departure.
Oflencst they make for Spitsbergen ,
but sometimes they cruise as far as
the eastern coast of Greenland.
Twenty-one boats sailed from Tom-
so in the spring of 100G. This is the
record of the booty they brought
back : 2 ! ) ( > white boars , of which 2(1 (
were alive ; 1,15 walrus , including
three living ones ; 1'ISM mitred seals ,
1155 bearded seals and .r > ? 2 common
seals : 1,16 white whales , 2P8 rein
deer ; one narwhale ; (51 ( blue foxes ,
SO white foxes ; 1,07(5 ( pounds oi
eiderdown , and -1,1'JH tons of whak
oil. The total value of the cargoes
brought in is estimated at about
$10.000.
WILL MAKERS' WHIMS.
The late T. Bevan , one time M ,
P. for Gravpsend. who directed in
his will that hi. < body should hi
cremated and the "ash residue
ground to powder and again burned
and dissipated in the air , " is OIK
of many men ( and women ) whc
have made equally remarkable ar
rangements for the dispo.-al of theii
mortal remains.
An angler who died reiently di
rected that his ashes should be car
ried in a bait can and scattered
from a boat over the surface of hi *
favorite stream ; Mrs. Krnle-Krle-
I"rax directed that her body should
be embalmed and placed in a glass
paneled coffin , for the reception ol
which a circular mausoleum will
stained glass dome was to be built
while , at his own wish , the body o !
one of the Lords Ncwsborough. nftei
li months' interment , was exhumer
and rcburied in Bardriey island , ( hi
reputed resting place of 20,001
saints. Westminster Gaxelte.
FIRST FRICTION MATCH.
.John Walker , a druggist in Mug.
land , invented the first really prac
tical friction matches giving i <
them the name of "Congreves. '
They were of thin strips of wood. 01
i ardhoard , coated and dipped will
sulphur and tipped with a mixturi
of sulphide of antimony , chlorate o :
potash and mucilage. But the ;
were expensive and beyond the read
of the common people , costing 2.
cents for seven do/en of them. I
would be difficult to mention an in
\ention of greater utility to man
kind as a genuine convenience am
nece.-sity than the common mate !
that we hold so cheaply.
SUGGESTIVE.
"Hang it ! " growled young Kovet
to the girl of his heart. "It make
me mad every time 1 think of tha
money I lost to-day. 1 certainly
feel as if I'd like to have ronic
body kick me ! "
"By the way.Jack , " said the dea
girl , dreaming , "don't you thinl
you'd better apeak to father thi
evening ? " Illustrated Bits.
NEW CURE FOR DYSPEPSIA
Chicago Banker Soothed Physically
and Mentally by Watching
Spouting of Fountain.
A well-known banker of Chicago's
suburbs has discovered a new cure
for dyspepsia. His remedy is not
only painkiller but is also said to
be a restorative of youth.
The banker has been bothered for
months past by poor digestion , duo
mainly to worry over business af
fairs. When he came home at. night
he could not got his mind off the
bond market and consequently could
not enjoy the meal.
Jlc has solved the entire problem
by placing a fountain in the middle
of his dining-room table. In the
fountain there are placed a few
small gold fish and frogs , and now
the banker explains the workings of
the magic fountain.
When he sits down to his evening
meal his eyes are at once carried to
the spouting water of the fountain ,
a relieving picture compared with
the daily turmoil of his ollice. Then
the trickling and gurgling of the
water has a soothing cITect on the
ears. There is usually a croak or
two from the frogs to complete the
first treatment of the banker's dys
pepsia cure. But long before this
( ho mind has wandered away from
the worries of a business life and he
is enjoying the meal to his full ca
pacity.
ANIMAL FREAKS.
The region round about a certain
large town in Pennsylvania is noted
for the number of fowl and animal
freaks that it has. One farmer has
a six-legged pig , and another has a
four-legged pig , and another has a
duck. A male
four-legged guinea-
fowl there recently hatched out a
brood of nine guineas , and an old
ben adopted a litter of four kittens.
It seems that the hen manifested a
strong disposition to sit. and her
owner , to prevent it , nailed a board
across her nest. But she was deter
mined to sit anyhow , so she whipped
( he mother-cat from the kittens and
established herself as their protec
tor. A spaniel dog in the neigh
borhood has also adopted a litter of
kittens , which he cares for as if they
were puppies , and he were the moth
er of them. But the most startling
departure from the regular order of
animal life in that remarkable re
gion is a goat , which has the habit
of chewing tobacco. It is said that
he enjoys it like an old sailor.
A FLASH OF LIGHTNING.
One day in the classroom , while
the editor was in college , the professor
ser mentioned as n "freak" of the
lightning's , the peculiar behavior of
a .stroke of which he was n witness.
It struck the lightning-rod on a
i hiirch steeple , came down to with
in a few feet of the ground , jumped
from the rod to a tree , from the tree
to the iron fence , and from the
fence to the rod again. Thai was ,
indeed , a peculiar stroke , but light
ning is better understood now than
it was then , a result due to the
camera , which shows thai manv
flashes ha\e a number of branches
shooting ofV in various directions ,
like the small roots of n tree. The
case mentioned by the professor was
no doubt one of the.-e. and the jump
ing was done by thf branches.
PICKING UP LOST TIME.
THE CRUSTY BACHELOR.
"You appear lo be admiring iw
teeth , " said the romantic maiden.
"Ah. indeed. I am admiriii'
them , " replied the crusty bachelor
"Such white ivory is superb. I wa :
ju t thinking.
"And what \u-rc you thinkinj
of : "
" \ was thinking what fine billinn
balls those teeth would make if the ;
\.ere only as large as an elephant'
teeth. "
And then the romantic mai < h-
siiid thv iTiis'v b.iphi'lijr w" * ii.i
.m-ar.cat man ah * ; i.ud over iu t.
IS GREAT AID TO SCIENCE
New and Powerful Instrument Brings
to Light Germa Not Hitherto
Known to Exist.
The most , rcoont invention among
microscopes in an ultm-violet in
strument , so-called because it util
izes ultra-violet . So
- light. power
ful is this instrument that it dis
closes structures in disease and other
gernifl that were not known to exist
before it was designed. What this
means to science needs no com
ment. By its means the entire ac
tion upon germs of the. agcntn designed -
signed to nullify their activity or
destroy them utterly can be ob
served.
(
In the spectrum red is thu long
est wave of light and violet tha
shortest. Ullra-violol light is in
visible to the naked eye , though it
can be detected by the photogrnph
negative. Any microscope will
make two points distinct if they arc
not closer together than a wave
length of light. The new instru
ment which was constructed in the
manufactory of Carl /eiss , of Jena ,
fJermany , requisitions a light so far
beyond the violet that its length
wave ie only half that of ordinary
sunlight , and two points can be
seen twice as close together as by
the ordinary miscroscope. In other
words , its resolving power is twice
as great.
( Mass of any kind is opaque to
violet light. The. lenses , therefore ,
are made of pure porch crystal , and ,
contrary to the ordinary miscro
scope , the mirror Miich reflects the
light has the silver on thu front in
stead of the. back.
WHAT A QUESTION TO ASK.
"Yus , HIU Bostcr mo , 'arc you look
Ing for work1"
"And wotcvor did you say ? "
"No , ludy , only Kmb and monoy. "
MUST LIVE IN MISERY.
Ii'ecently a young Hindu womai
mnde an application before one o. .
the Indian courts for a dibsolutioi
of marriage. It was refused on tin
ground that Ihe union having beei
contracted under the Hindu law , slu
could obtain no relief. Some timt
ago , the husband and wife cmbracci
Christianity , but the husband after
wards returned to his old faith , and
not long after , married his brother' !
vidow. The first wife having re
mained steadfast to her new faith
revolted at the idea of having f (
live with her husband under the nev
condition , but the- Hindu law doe
not contemplate monogamy , and
therefore , the poor girl is consignee
to lifelong misery.
CARELESS UNDERTAKERS.
Much indignation Jias beei
aroused in the Burgee Hill distric
of Sussex , England , by an extraor
dinary succession of accidents dur
ing burials at St. .John's churchyard
In the first case a band slipped fron
under a child's collin , and thi
pitched into the grave. Then at thi
interment of an adult the unprotcct
PI I side of the gra\e fell in while tin
mourners were singing the hynu
"Hock of Ages. " Finally , at a thin
burial , the grave was found to be toi
Miiall to accommodate the collin , an <
it had to be enlarged in the pres
dice of the dihtn-iM-d relatives , on
of whom a man fainted.
THE MODESTY OF MARY.
Mistress Why. Mary , this figur
of Venus is covered with dust.
Maid Yes'm.
.Mistress Didn't I tell you t
brush it oil' ?
Maid Yes'm.
Mistress And why didn't you ?
Maid ( blushing ) Because , men
I thought it needed -omethiiig on il
PAINFUL.
The dentist had complained o
the phonographs next door as
nuisance.
"How do they annoy you ? " askei
IK1 magistrate.
"Why , I advertise 'painless deu
f'stry , ' " be replied , "and my pat
' ' - i'aim ' ( hai the phonograph !
the contract. "
TEA FOR THE EMPEROR
Elaborate Precautions Taken * n Pre
serve Delicate Aroma of Inver-
nge for Royalty
It is well known how sacredly tha
emperor of China is guarded and
how every detail of his household
menage is a matter of utmost im
portance , but few people realize how
carefully the tea imbibed by his roy
al highness and his immediate fam
ily is grown and picked.
In the first place , it is grown in
a garden surrounded by a high wall ,
so that neither man nor beast can
gain access to the sacred precincts.
Then when harvest time arrives
the gatherers must not cat. fish ( one
of the staple articles of food ) for
Tear their breath might contaminate.
Hie aroma of the precious leaves.
They must bathe at least three times
i day. besides wearing gloves. Apro
pos of this line tea , there is a true
story of a wealthy San Francisco
lady who was in China , and one of
I he court ollieials , wishing to do her
great honor , promised to send her a
ensket of some extraordinary tea.
In due time an exquisitely packed
box arrived containing tea. She
bade many of her society friends to
i series of "afternoons , " at which
this tea was served , its delicious
qualities expatiated upon and all
ceiningly enjoyed ( he beverage.
At the end of the season when the
casket was almost empty she found
i very small beautifully decorated
box , which on opening contained
the priceless tea.
What she/had used was the dried
tea leaves that had been used prob
ably time and again by coolies. It
seems thai rare and cosily tea is
[ tacked in tea to preserve thu aroma
and llavor. It was such a rich joke
that the hostess ( old tlu > story , and
the old society set in San Kran-
cisco hnd a good laugh.
QUEER SUPERSTITION.
An amazing story of credulity
and superstition has just been de
tailed before the assi/es court at
Froibdg , Germany. The case WIIH
that of the village grave-digger at
Kuhnheide , who was accused of
having profaned the grave ofm \
own daughter , a young woman who
lied a year and a half ago. With
sobs , ( ho man related that before
her death his daughter had double
about obtaining eternal peace , and
had promised to appear to him. Ik
on his part , hnd promised not tc
cover her with earth , and had con
trived an arrangement which nearly
filled the grave , and only needed n
I bin covering of soil. Having re
cently seen bis daughter in n dream ,
the mini , in company with several
neighbors , opened the grave by
night , and each pen-on present ab
stracted a toolb from the mouth ol
Iho corpse to be used ns a tnlismnn ,
Ono of his neighbors , a woman , giv
ing evidence on his behalf , plain-
tht'ly said thai she had lost bur
tooth , and everything had begun tc
go nga i list her.
, A CONSIDERATE MUSICIAN.
Many stories are told of tin
jealousy and ill feeling among mu
sicians : so it is refreshing to noti
that af least one genius did no !
fail in good nntured appreciation
of n fellow artist. It is related hou
li'ossini , walking one day on the
boulevnrd with the musician Braga
was greeted by .Meyerbeer , whc
anxiously inquired after the hcalll
of his dear I'osdiiii
"Had , " answered the latter
"Frightful headaches ; legs all
wrong. "
After a few minute'conversation
Meyerbeer pushed on , and Bragi
naked the great composer how il
happened that he bad suddenly hi- '
come so unwell.
.Smilingly l.ossini rciK-mvd hi.1
friend. "Oh. I couldn't be belter. 1
merely wanted to plcnsc Meyerbeer
He would so like In sec me go t <
smash. " Sunday M agazinc.
EASILY EXPLAINED.
"Xo , .Mr. Wingle. I can't giv <
you any hope , bul I have an elde :
sister who might look upon you
suit favorably. "
"A sister ? And why do yoi
think your sister would IIP niori
kind than you are ? "
"Well , you sec. sister has reach
cd an age when. she can't afford t (
be particular. "
A NATURAL PREFERENCE.
"The grcatcht runner in the worlc
eats meat three times a day. "
"Slakes , no doubt. " Clevelam
I'i.un Dealer ,
DOES WORK OF BOOKKEEPER
ntrlcate Machine of English Invention
Can Calculate Better Than a
Human Being.
A now wages calculating machinn
of English make nas recently been
trough ! out. The design is free
'rom small and intricr.ic pieces of.
iicchanism which arc generally a
> rolilic source of trouble. This in
strument is n lime and labor saving
levico employed in thu case of
liece-worlc , for quickly finding , with
out calculation , the total balance of
uonoy that is duo individually lo
my number of men sharing profits
on Ihe same contract , the divisions
icing proportional to each man's
l.xcd daily or weekly mone.y rate.
When work is paid for onxtho pre
mium system the instrument can
dso be used for finding the time
\llowance that is to be added lo
[ he actual lime occupied on thucon-
; ract.
ract.The
The instrument consists of two
large wheels , with broad , flat faces ,
mounted on the same spindle. Tim
spindle is carried at each end in
bearings fixed to the wooden sup
porting stand. One of the two
wheels is securely keyed to the
spindle , and the other is free to re
volve. A spring of sufficient
strength to cause the two wheels to
revolve together , presses the loose
wheel against Ihe other. Technical
World .Magazine.
JUST A DRUMMER'S YARN.
"Yes , " said an old commercial
traveler , "I've been against all the
slow and sleepy towns in this coun
try , in New lOngland , the central
part , of New York , Philadelphia
and flic villages of the south , but
the worst I ever was in was a North
Carolina town of about fiOO. I
was handling canned goods , but the
town hnd never heard of such a
thing , and there was nothing doing
for me , and after an hour's work I
snt down in the hotel to pass away
the bourn till train lime.
"While 1 was sitting there talk
ing to the proprietor there was a
terrible noise in the store next door ,
lie ran to see what had happened ,
and people from various parts of
the town came running to the scene ,
the marshal among them. Ue ar
rested a man on the charge of cre
ating a disturbance. Actually , that
town was so quiet that the noise we
beard was caused by his breaking a
dollnr bill. "
NEEDED A CHISEL.
The struggling author bodily en
tered the editorial sanctum.
"I have come wilh my latest
-tory. " he announced.
"That so ? " ejaculated the busy
editor. "Let us hear how it runs. "
"Well , this is from the first ,
Chapter : 'Casper had been stand-
ng ns motionless as a block of
granite. Suddenly be dropped on
'iis ' knees before the beautiful girl
with the alabaster brow and boldly
proposed. It was then that she an
swered with a stony stare and hand
ed him the marble heart. Then ' "
But the busy editor reached for
Ihe clipping shears.
"Young man , " he thundered ,
"you have made a mistake. Take
that htory down to the nearest stone-
\ard. This is an editorial ollicc. "
NOT HIS FAULT.
Old Lady Your face Is very dirty ,
my little man.
The Llttlo Man Is It , mum ? Well ,
you ace , I ain't been to church the last
two Sundays.
PREFERENCE.
The Court Six years at hard la
bor. You'll get a chance to learn ,
a trade , my man.
Burglar Judge , couldn't 1 be
permitted to learn it by er cor
respondence course ? Puck.
SINCERE ATTACHMENT.
Ms Bligirii's a ! i
lie mu-t i I' ,
" V
