The Falls City tribune. (Falls City, Neb.) 1904-191?, July 12, 1907, Page 3, Image 3

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    THE FALLS CITY TRIBUNE , FRIDAY , JULY i2 , 1907
CRITICAL MOMENT.
When John Wanted the Ring It Was
In His Sock.
John Jenklnson would not have ex
changed situations with the prime min
ister , the prince of Wales or the drum
major of n brass band.
Follcla Wllkins had answered "Yes"
fn n voice as soft and gentle as the
sigh of music In a dreamless sleep or
the murmuring wall of a caressing
breeze from lothcnn waters soothingly
fanning the whiskers of Father Time.
"Fellclt Wllklns , " ho exclaimed rapturously -
turously , as his loft hand and arm
disappeared from sight with a rapid
yet sneaking motion toward the back
nf the sofa on which they sat , and
the fingers of his right hand appear *
ed to bo feeling for something In his
vest pocket , "you have made me the
happiest man In the world. "
Tlio timid , upturned glance of her
liquid dark eyes , says Tit-Bits , and the
* 'nrm blush that overspread the happy
face of the lovely girl replied more
eloquently than words could have
done. "
"And you will forgive my presump
tion , darling , " he continued , "If , In an
ticipation of your answer , I have ven
tured to provide myself with with
a with a "
.lenkinson paused in some apparent
"xcltement , and his finger and thumb
ncivonsly explored his vest pocket
without seeming to find anything.
"I I must have lost it ! " he gasped.
" Felicia , It was a ring ! Ha ! Perhaps
it Is in some other pocket. "
Rising to his feet ho thrust a
trembling hand into his trousers
pocket.
There was a hole in that pocket.
"John , " said Felicia , as she noted
with concern his ghastly face , on which
the light of a desperate resolve was
breaking , "don't grieve over it. It will
tm 11 up. You are excited. Is there anything -
thing I can do "
"Yes , " exclaimed John , in a hollow
voice. "Felicia , I think I know where
that ring is. If you would do mo a
favor I shall never forget until the
last hour of my life , get me a shoe-
bom and leave me to myself for a few
moments. "
Talked Them Into Prison.
"About 30 years ago Henry Clay
Dean , the eccentilc Missouri lawyer
and orator , was attending a term of
court at which I was defending a
man on a pretty serious charge , " said
Judge Rtsdon of Klrksvllle the other
day to a Kansas City star writer.
"Two horse thieves that were In Jail
sent for Dean. He took their case ,
and after looking at It from all sides
concluded the best thing for them to
do was to plead guilty and take two
yeans each.
"His men balked at the Idea of
pleading guilty. He told them that
the penitentiary wasn't a bad sort of
place ; he had been all through it and
knew. 'Tho warden a personal friend
of mine Is one of the kindest men
that ever lived , ' said Dean ; 'he never
makes you work when you are tired ;
and when you are sick he always looks
after you like a mother. You get
roast beef and brown bread every day ,
and pic and turkey on Sunday. Why ,
when Bill Jenkins you boys know
Bill used to run a little sawmill over
in the corner of Putnam county , they
sent him up for er borrowing corn.
"WliPii bo wf > nt there ho didn't weigh
over ft hundred nnd thirty pounds , reg
ular skin nnd bones , and in six months
he weighed 300 pounds avoirdupois ,
and was made captain of the guard
just getting along fine ; said he
wouldn't swap his Job for any other
In Missouri and wrote his folks to
come down and live with him. The
prison can't hurt anything but your
reputation and what docs a fellow
who's been stealing care about repu
tations , anyway ? '
"The two horse thieves by this time
were dead anxious to plead guilty and
begin life in the pen. More than
that , all the other fellows in the jail
who had heard Dean's talk insisted on
pleading guilty and going along. "
, s
tf Her Money Raising Scheme.
% ' "Now , dear , " said the red-cheeked
man to his wife , "I am going to have
a little poker game Wednesday night.
My friend and his wile are expert
players. I don't want you to distract
me. "
"I won't , " said she. "I'll sit by a
little table 'way off yonder and trim
my hat. "
"That's what you can do , " he assent
ed ; "Bit 'way .off yonder and trim
your hat. Don't come and stand back
of me and say : 'Oh , what a lovely
hand you've got ! Where did you
get all those aces ? ' Or : 'My , but
all your cards are red , diamonds , only
that spade ! ' Don't do that. You hear ?
But , above all , please , If I should hap
pen to win a pile of money , don't
reach out and grab n handful and run
off laughing about it. Don't do that ,
will you ? That Isn't funny. It Isn't
funny at all. "
"I'll try not to , " she promised , "but
you know , dear , that is the only way
1 can get any money out of you. Make
you let me have it before company.
And then , " after a moment of thought ,
"you borrow It back the minute they
leave. "
Wax Models of Ships.
t" Paraffin wax models of all proposed
' < British battleships are used by the ad
miralty for tests before the keels of
f ' ' the ships are laid down , the miniature
ships being tied In a great tank. The
models a e trom 12 to 24 feet Ions , the
A , tnnk I 'HR 400 feet long and 20 fact
* * wide. Th mo1 's are made of wax
toft au > U ! j u v.aUrialvlilth doe *
ni'l nbto b v. a'or char * * * Its weight.
\.lt' vrulnnK BI < * < v and Mi ra-aftin
ii.u ne malted up < iud Urtrfil * tain.
WOMAN WHO TALKS
HER WORRIES AT HOME AS AN
ANNOYANCE TO HUSBAND.
When the Man Comes Home He Wants
to Hear Something Else Besides
the Rasping Side of Troubles.
When a man comes homo from busi
ness there Is ono subject that should
jo tabooed between husband and wife ;
the day's worries. A man is supposed
to leave the cares and annoyances of
office hours downtown , and n woman
should suppress hers the moment she
hears the front door open. It there is
a sympathetic bond uniting the two
liearis the man will easily guess that
the worry lines are due to things which
aave gene wrong , and ho will bo grate
ful for the cheerfulness of the uncom
plaining wife , while she , on the other
hand , will , In a swift Intuition , grasp
the burdens of the harassed business
man. Ho has come homo to rest , to
enjoy the quiet and nearness of family
life , and these moments are to refresh
him for the next day's struggle.
There Is no man in the world so un
selfish as the American husband and
father. Perhaps he lacks the polish
which comes of easy work and much
leisure , for this is a luxury that the
American never Indulges In unless the
short interval spent at homo can bo
counted as such. The American million
aire permits himself about one-fifth of
the vacation demanded by the English
tradesman. Time Is something ho can
not afford to spend. lie has a family ,
sons and daughters who must have ad
vantages denied his own youth , and so
he works on into a sordid mlddlo ago
that has established a habit of work
that cannot be broken. This Is true of
the man on a salary , and it is to the
home and the wife that ho looks for the
reward for his many sacrifices. But
does ho always iccelve It ?
Wo insist that the American woman
is not spoiled , says the San Francisco
Bulletin , but can we prove that she
is not self-centered and selfish ? The
great middle class Is the majority In
every civilized community , and of the
vast army of women whose husbands
are counted fairly well off , how many
stop to think of the effort that it costs
to keep the wife well dressed , the chil
dren clothed and fed and educated.
The bills are paid and she has money
in her purse , and the average wife
stops there. She accepts ; she does
not question when she makes a fresh
demand.
She tolls of her worries with her
dressmaker , whose price has gene up ;
she complains of the servant or serv
ants and recounts the Irritations of
the day ; she tolls how unmanageable
the children are and how expensive is
the living. In short , she pours her talc
of woes Into the ears that have listen
ed to hard facts and business methods
for the past eight hours , and the tired
brain of the overworked becomes dull
and apathetic with the increased pres
sure.
sure.Homo
Homo becomes a place to sleep and
eat in. He remains at his ofllce until
the last mlnuto , for between the choice
of evils a normal man will sec the
lesser in the absence of a woman's
complaints. Instead of refreshment ,
sympathetic companionship , he pic
tures to himself the won led wife , eager
with her grievances , and so he lingers
until the very last , and then only a
Bniiso of duty impels him to drag his
lagging feet homeward.
Can any sensible person blame this
type of the unfortunate American pro
vider ?
Lace and Politico.
The Irish lace ball recently given In
Dublin by Lady Aberdeen appears a
most brilliant event In Great Britain's
social calendar , says the Boston Tran
script. Lady Aberdeen's historic ball
was one with a purpose aside fiom pro
viding a few gay hours for her guests.
And that the purpose succeeded is
seen In the report that Irish lace , al
ready in high favor , is now enjoying
a boom , if that term can be used to
describe the movement of anything so
filmy and delicate as lace. There were
Irish lace reels and Irish lace quad
rilles at the ball , a different kind of
Irish lacn distinguishing each set.
Only an expert in lace matters could
name the kind of lace on sight , and
only a pastmlstross in the art of
dressmaking could tell offhand the
names of the lace effects shown In the
costumes. It was all very beautiful
to the thousand or inoie who saw It.
A great Irish industry was helped aa
never before , perhaps , and the popu
larity of the Aberdcons became even
more secure and stable , if that were
'
possible.
Th Clever Fox.
The rector of a parish near Oxford ,
England , tells this fox story : As ho
was walking across come fields dur
ing a recent for hunt he heard the
cry of hounds. The fox ran Into
the next field. A fox came running
toward him and trotted along by hia
side , just as a dog would do , wagging
his brush. The rector walked on. The
huntsman , looking about , saw nothing
but the clergyman and what seemed
to bo his dog , and galloped away in
another direction. As soon as the
coast was clear the fox gave i whisk
of his tall and disappeared through a
hedge.
Too True.
Church I see the "automobllt
heart" U the latest.
Gotham Do scorchers have It ?
"O , yea. "
"That's funny. "
"Why so ? "
"The scorchers don't act a If Ui y
had any hearts ! " Yonkers State *
man
ICE CREAM DID IT.
He Cuts Out the Treat and She Cuts
Him Out In Return.
"Como early to-morrow evening
and wo will sit In the park , " she had
coyly said as Walter bade her a lov
ing good-night and went down the
stops.
Ho had replied with a smile and a
nod. Ho was a young and guileless
man , and this was his first love , ox-
lilalns the Now Orleans Picayune. He
liiul never been buncoed.
The next day seemed never ending
to him , but finally the sun wont to bed
and Walter found a girl hanging on
his arm and headed for a park. Un
der the budding trees they sat dowa
to hear the last songs of the robins be *
fore roosting high. Ho sat with her
hand In his , and for ten mlnuto *
neither spoke. Then Helen softly
breathed Into his ear :
"That must be an ice cream parlor
across the street. "
"I think it's a beer saloon , " ho re
plied , as a chill went up his back.
"But ladles are going In there. "
"Yes , but It Is fashionable now
for ladles to go Into beer saloons. '
She sought to pull her hand away ,
and there was silence for a moment.
Then she said :
"I can almost taste chocolate Ice
cream. "
"It Is onions you smell , " ho replied.
"Some one Is cooking them for sup
per. "
She moved a few Inches away from
him , and under the electric light ho
saw her eyebrows como together and
her nose point straight into the air.
"It seems to mo that If I had a dish
of Ice cream " she softly began , but
as she paused he broke In :
"You might have bilious colic before
morning. "
"Mr. D'puy , will you have the kind
ness to escort mo homo ? "
"Certainly , my dear , but why this
hurry ? Perhaps the band "
"Now at once , sir ! "
"But Helen "
"Miss Taylor , If you please. "
"But I thought wo came out "
"So wo did , sir , and we have como
In , sir , and good-night , sir. I shall
not be at home to-morrow evening. "
Visits Goethe's Old House.
A young American on his first trip
to Europe writes from Frankfurt-on-
the-Maln : "You know all about Heidel
berg , with Its dueling place , where the
visitor always comes 'Just too lato' to
see an encounter ; Homberg , the Ger
man Saratoga ; 'Nauhclm and all the
other beautiful places near this city
which every tourist thinks he must
visit.
visit.You
You may know also the old Goethe
house In this city , which will always
have an additional charm for me be
cause of my adventure there. I hap
pened to go through cost ono mark
at the same tlmo with a lot of per
sonally conducted young girls from
England.
When we reached the room where
a little old spinet stood the loquacious
guide told the girls that it had been
played upon by Frau Ruth Goethe and
by the poet himself , and that as n
special favor ho know it would bring
an additional tip he would allow ono
of the riuty to play a few notes on
the Instrument.
The girls could not decide which
one should have the honor nor what
should bo played. 'Faust , ' 'Egmont'
and 'Mlgnon' were under discussion ,
when I butted In and played a few
bars from 'The Star-Spangled Banner. '
The girls didn't seem to recognize the
tune , and 1 have wondered ever since
was It their Ignorance , the quality of
the Instrument or possibly my play
ing. "
Time In European Nations.
The German empire has a uniform
time , adopted April 1 , 1903 , the central
European time , so called , which Is ono
hour faster than the time of the
Greenwich meridian. The same stand
ard Is In use in Austria , Hungary ,
Italy , Switzerland , Denmark , Norway
nnd Sweden.
The west European tlmo Is the time
of the Greenwich meridian , and Is
used In England , Holland , Belgium ,
Luxembourg and Spain. France , out
of national vanity , holds to the time
of Paris , both for herself and for
her colonies in Algiers and Tunis , only
nine minutes faster than Greenwich
time.
The cast European tlmo is the same
as the time of St. Petersburg , which
Is 2 hours 1 minute and 13 seconds
faster than Greenwich time. This
standard is used in European Russia ,
Turkey In Europe , Romania and Bul
garia.
He Blew the Violoncello.
"Gentlemen , " recently said a Ger
man professor , who was showing to
his students the patients In the asy
lum , "this man suffers from delirium
tremens. He is a musician. It is
well known that blowing a brass In
strument affects the lungs and throat
in such a way as to create a great
thirst , which has to bo allayed by
persistent indulgence In strong drink.
Hence , in the course of time , the dis
ease you have before you. "
Turning to the patient , the professor
ser asked : ,
"What instrument do you blow ? "
and the answer was :
"Tho violoncello. " Cleveland Lead
er.
Explained.
"How did you make out with your
French while in Paris ? "
"Well er not very well. You see , I
only had occasion to use the language
In speaking to shop peopje. and they
don't understand elegant French , you
know. " Philadelphia Ledger.
FLITTINBY'S REFORM
CLEANS UP THE ACCUMULATIONS
OF YEARS ,
Reaches the Mature Age When He
Throws Away Dead Matter and
Is Ready to Begin Life
Again ,
"I am beginning to tlnow away
things , " said Mr. Fllttlnby ; "going
through my papers and things and
throwing things away.
"I find among thorn newspaper clip
pings about things that I would never
lave thought ot again but for this
reminder , and some things I have
forgotten BO completely that even the
sight of the clippings does not recall
to mo why 2 cat them out and saved
themt so Important , really , are many
of the tilings about which wo bother
ourselves or which at some time wo
found of Interest.
"There are lettora from men long
since dead , and old bills that recall
forgotten periods of our life , that now
seem strange to us , wo Hvo so much
In the present. And why keep these
old recciptB ? The men that gave them
are dead now or moved away ant1
these accounts will never be sent In
again , and if they wore they have
long since been outlawed by the lapse
of time. Throw thorn away.
"Hero are old birthday cards , witt
pretty , with affectionate , with loving
greetings ; bringing most pleasant
memories , though they do remind us
of the years that have gene slnco firs1
they came to us. And why should we
preserve them ? Wo can remember
wo can cherish those who sent thorn ,
without them to remind us , and they
would only bo there with the old papers
pors In the drawer. To the basket
gently with them.
"And here , as I live , are some old
valentines ! Well , well. This does
make us young again. But dear , dear ;
that was long ago. Why should we
keep them longer ? To the basket ,
gently. We have the valentine her
self now.
"Thero are so many things that we
put , away to save , to treasure , life
seems to stretch Interminably before
us when wo are young , and wo are
going to keep these things always.
And It takes us , happily , a long , long
time to get to where wo can sec
the beginning of the end. Youth en
velops us with a buoyancy and
strength that makes life seem a Joy
that Is to go on forever , and In sturdy
middle ago , indeed , we take little ac
count of the years , but then come :
a tlmo when we begin to realize thai
two and two make four and no moro
"Now I have arrived at that tluw
of life when I begin to know. DonM
for heaven's sake think that I am tak
ing a mournful view. Far from It.
"Life never seemed to me so full
of Joy as now , and I'm good for a
good long stretch of it yet , with
senses keen and understanding broad
cnlng , finding enjoyment In every
thing ; and taking this broader view
of tilings , not occupied too much by
dotall , this stored up accumulation ol
long gathering truck scorns superfluous
ous and useless , and so I'm just going
through it and throwing things away
"This lot that I've been coin ?
through to-day Is just stuff that has
accumulated in the cubby holes In my
desk ; but I'vo got boxes and bundles
of such stuff stored away , and 1
must get it out , a box or bundio nl
a tlmo and go through It , and throw
It away. For of what use will it over
bo to anybody ? What becomes ol
this sort of stuff , anyway , when pee
pie cr-r I mean why shouldn't 1
sort this stuff out now myself , and not
leave it to cumber things up for some
body else to throw away ?
"There may be some things , to be
sure , that I'll want to save , things that
other people will want to keep , and
these things I will save ; but as tc
the bulk of this stuff , why , it's just so
much hindering useless baggage , and
this I'll throw away , and with the
decks cleared start life anew. "
Not a Provident Millionaire.
A funeral cortege passed over Wil-
liamsburg bridge the other day with
32 open carriages filled with flowers
preceding the hearse , and 7G carriages
with mourners followed after. By the
tlmo the first carriage reached the
Brooklyn side the last carriage in line
was just going up the brldgo approach
preach from Delancey street , Manhat
tan , a mlle away.
"That must be a millionaire's fu
neral , " remarked a promenader to a
policeman who stood with him look
ing down on the apparently endless
procession of carriages.
"Not on your life , " replied the po-
lleceman. "Tho dead chap is an Ital <
Ian from the Mulberry Bend section ,
and it Is an oven bet that his widow
won't have | 500 to her name after she
foots the bill for that parade. But
that docs beat the record on flowers
Wo had 27 carriage loads over the
brldgo once , but never anything like
that. " Brooklyn Eagle.
The Kangaroo.
"I didn't get to the Hold sports ir
time , " said the haro. "Was there any
thing interesting ? "
"Yes. " replied the tortoise , "that bit
Australian champion broke the record
ord in the 100-yard jump. " Phlladel
phla Ledger.
So Clever of
"Yes , " when Dubley tells an Irish
story there's no mistaking It. "
"You know It's Irish right away
eh ? "
"Yes , indeed ; ho says 'Be Jabbers
a ar evury ent nc . " The CatholU
SUmdard and Tin * * .
THE BEST PHYSIC
SLEEP IB INDEED A UWEET RE
STORER.
This Is All That Most Victims of
Nervous Breakdown Need to
Recover Lost Health
nnd Vigor.
I Ono of the features of modern
, times is the prevalence of what wo
term neurasthenia , or nervous break
down , says thu London Express.
These names apply to n condition of
physical and mental Jit-health which Is
the direct result of the ago In which
wo Hvo and the pace at which wo are
living. Massage nnd electricity and
novel "treatments" nnd "cures" nro
called upon to repair what , wo have
brought upon ourselves by our Up-
to-date ways of life , by worry and
excitement.
There nro hundreds of women of
the upper and mlddlo classes Just now
bewailing their "nerves" nnd cryIng -
Ing out that headaches nnd Insomnia
and depression are spoiling their HTCB.
'I his Is n neurotic ngo , nnd half the
world of men nnd women not noly
burn the candle at both ends , but In
the middle as well. The strenuous
lifo is almost n necessity to the man
or woman who IH ambitious socially ,
politically or commercially. Wo nro
so anxious to "got on" wo attempt
to do far more than wo are constitu
tionally fit for , and nervous break
down Is the Inevitable rcuult
Lack of repose Is u prime factor in
the causation of "nerves ; " the con
stant rush In the social nnd business
world , the frantic pursuit of pleasure
and amusement are frequent precur
sors of nervous Ill-health. Wo reck
lessly expend our energy ; wo have
no tlmo to rest , and nobody listens to
the advocates and disciples of the
simpler life.
Homo life , quiet domesticity are
becoming rarer every year. "Slmplo
pleasures , " "homely joys" and thu
"family circle" are ridiculously old-
fashioned terms. Is it any wonder
that nervous breakdown and prema
ture decay are on the increase ?
The remedy lies mainly with us
women our Influence can do n great
deal , our example more , to counteract
the restlessness and excitement char
acteristic of this ago.
Wo must preach the gospel of rest.
Hard work nowadays moans HOVOTO
nervous strain , and the constant ap
plication to buslnes asnd professional
affairs demands regular periods of
quiet and complete rest , it the work
ers are to retain their health. It Is
the more Important that the homo at
mosphere bo such as will restore the
balance and lessen the tension of the
Inevitable nerve strain outside.
Unqutetness In the homo , the tyran
ny of social engagements and world
ly "duties , " following upon u strenu
ous working day , gives no opportunity
for repose. The power'to be quiet ,
the virtue of repose , Is worth cultivat
ing In this age of neurotic women ;
the woman who Is constantly on the
move , striving after something just
out of her reach , diffuses an atmos
phere of disquiet nnd vulgar unrest
around her. To ho busy does not
necessarily mean to achieve ; bustling
activity is too often barren of real
progress.
A Household Necessity.
No household is complete without n
pet giandfathor , especially If there la
a baby to bo ruined and an ahof
cheerfulness to bo kept up , remarks
Tom Musson In Delineator.
Secure for your purposes a grandfather -
father with a lack of morals , n jovial
disposition and about n million dollars.
Let him roam at largo wherever ho
will.
It does not matter much whether ho
is u grandfather on your wife's side oren
on yours. If ho is on your wife's side
you will secretly dislike him ; If he Is
on your side , she will. But you will
both let him be on account of the mil
lion.
Never permit grandpa to be out of
the nursery when baby Is in it. Then ,
xvhen anything is broken , we can
blame him , nnd "pull his leg" for a
new one.
Babies and grandpas always go well
together. They are both the same age.
It Is well to bear this In mind. Keep
a savings bank for both of them. And
leave them both in charge of grand
pa. When they are full , carefully re
move the Interiors and begin all over
again.
It is not necessary to provide moro
than ono grandpa , no matter how many
children you may have. Two grandpas
in one house often lead to an inter-
neclno war.
When you go out with your wife ,
always leave grandpa In charge of
the baby. It Is not necessary to tell
him to mind. Ho will , anyway , as a
matter of course.
When our baby outgrows grandpa ,
secure another Immediately. Remem
ber that grandpa must be amused nnd
that ho Is amply able to pay for It.
| Third Son of Grant.
' Jesse Grant , the third son of the
great general , leads a simple and uneventful -
' eventful life. He Is not In any busi
ness. Some mines In the west and a
few other affairs occupy some of his
time. Tarpon llshing he likes , and ho
never misses a baseball game when
it Is warm.
Accounting for It.
"It's bad enotish for you to in <
home Intoxicated , " tmld Mrs. I ! < < h
man. ' 'i it why to IntoV"
'V I J < M shoo , m < ! i.- 1
"n ' * l I' . I1-
" ' .1 ' ; -A 1 ) -i
"MARIA THINGUMAJIG. "
Foreign Names Bothered Americans
In the Olden Days.
International marriages nro , In these
days of travel , more common than they
used to bo ; but they wore not un
known to our ancestors of a century
ago , nnd were least rare , It scorns , in
Homo of the old seafaring families.
Old-tlmo sen captains made friends in
ninny lands , nnd were occasionally ac
companied on board by some adven
turous daughter , eager , like Lord
Batomnn of the ballad , "far countries
for to see. " Ono such , who traveled
as far ns Russia , did not return ; she
remained there ns the wlfo of a pros
perous Russian merchant.
Her father's fellow-townsmen were
naturally Interested to hoar all about
the match on his return , says the
Youth's Companion , but there was one
Important piece of Information they
never obtained ; the bride's married
name.
It was so unpronouncable that the
good captain declined oven to attempt
It. Ho always spoke of his daugh
ter as ! 'my gal who married a fur-
rlnor ; " his mother called her "my
granddnrtor ever In Rooshy , " and
everybody clso fell Into the way ot
saying simply and not nt all Jocular-
y : "Marln Thingumajig. "
Another old sea captain had two
charming girls who accompanied htm
o Franco , both of whom married
frenchmen. French Is n less difficult
tongue than Russian , but the old man's
car was not good , and the two brides ,
on their first visit homo , were some
what chagrined at the havoc ho made
with their names.
They had become Mine. Carotto nnd
Mmc. Lo Boutllllor ; but ho Intro
duced them cheerfully to strangers as
Mrs. Leo Bottles and Mrs. Carrots.
They gently remonstrated against such
a perversion of their names , but In
vain ; he could achieve nothing better
until a compromise was reached , In ac
cordance with which ho censed to try
to pronounce them at all.
Therefore when nn introduction became -
came necessary , ho presented "My
darter , Mrs. Nancy B. , " or "My dor-
; cr , Mrs. Polly C. , " adding , genially ,
'and if yo want the full of her name
n French , she'll tell yo on askln' .
She speaks the language. "
Seven Ages of the Chinese.
A French officer , Louis Do Cbantllly ,
tells of his discovery In a Buddhist
convent in the mountains of Tonkin of
a dusty manuscript containing the
Chinese version of the seven ages ot
man.
"At ton years old , " says the writer ,
whoso name has long been forgotten ,
the boy has a heart and n brain as
soft as the tender shoots of n young
bamboo. At 20 ho is like a green
banana ; ho is just beginning to ripen
In warm rays of common sense.
"Thirty years sees him developed
Into a buffalo. He Is strong and lusty ,
full of bodily and mental vigor. This
is the true ngo of love ; it is the age
for him to marry at.
"At 40 years the prosperous man has
grown to bo a mandarin and wears a
coral button. But it would bo truly
Indiscreet to conflno to him at this
early ago any functions calling for ju
dicial Intelligence or calm.
When ho reaches BO years , however ,
although ho has grown stout and
fleshy , lie IB IH to hold any municipal
or stnto ofllco ; ho can administer a
city or n province or perform any offi
cial duty.
"But nt CO years ho Is old. Handi
craft and all active bodily activities
are beyond him. Ho gives his de
pendents and clients advice. That Is
all ho is nt for.
"At 70 ho is Just a dry straw. He
has only one care to husband the
breath of life that IK left In him , to
preserve It , oven by artificial means.
Ills sons must assume the care of his
estate and the performance of his du
ties. "
Named Pills as Weapons.
An extraordinary duel , which at the
tlmo created an Immense sensation ,
was one in which the decision was ar
rived at not by swords or pistols but
by means of a deadly poison , says
Pall Mall Gazette. The men , who , It
Is hardly necessary to say , had fallen
out over a lady , had left the arrange
ments of details to their seconds , and
until they faced each other they did
not know by what method they were
to settle their differences.
Ono of the seconds was a doctor ,
and he had made up for the occasion
four black pellets , all identical In
size nnd shape. "In ono of these , " he
said , "I have placed a sufficient quan
tity of prusslo acid to cause the al
most Instantaneous death of anyone
who swallows It.
"We will decide by the toss of a
coin which of you is to have first
choice , nnd you will alternately draw
and swallow a pill until the poison
shows Us effect. " Two of , 'the pel
lets were then taken ns the toss had
decided but without effect in either
case. '
"This time , " said the doctor , speak
ing of the two pellets remaining , "you
must both swallow the pill at the same
instant. " The choice was again made ,
and In a few seconds ono of the men
lay dead on the grass.
Married Man's Umbrella.
A clergyman has posted the follow
ing at the Leeds ( Eng. ) church insti
tute : "As the gentleman who took
the married man's umbrella (26-inch (
ribs ) In exchange for a bachelor's um
brella (24-Inch ribs ) of the same pat
tern from the church Institute on ( bn
afternoon of April 16 can have no pos
sible use for It , he can como Into i-.i
elon of bin own again hv ; tiplyin
to tb cretary. "