THE FALLS CITY TRIBUNE , FRIDAY , MARCH 23 , 1906
\ The Falls City Roller Mills
Does u general milling business , ami matiufuclurcH the
i following brands of flour
,1 MAGNOLIA CROWN
SUNFLOWER
,1I I The above brands arc giuirantectl to be of the highest pos
sible quality. We also manufacture all mill products and
conduct a general
l > Grain , Live Stock and Coal Business
ami solicit a share of your patronage
P. S. Heacock & Son , Falls City , Neb.
* * * * *
JUST LOOKt
t
I
t at the immense stock of goods at t
I S
I Werner , flosiman & Co. |
We have just received 3fcar loads of implements
and are now ready to show you the best lines of im
plements west of the Missouri river and we invite you
to inspect our goods and get our prices on same.
Remember we handle everything in the implement
line and can save you money. Our stock of Buggies and
Surries arc complete and are of the best makes. And ,
remember we have the only cream seperator on the
market , the easiest run and simplest constructed. We
have a big stock of windmills , pumps , pipes and tanks
on hand , and we ask you to look our mills over before
buying. We are also agents for the celebrated W. C.
Shinn Soft Copper Lightning Rod and the only rod
you can get cheaper insurance on.
We invite you to come and see us if you need
anything in the lines above mentioned. We can save
all warranted bv the
you money and our goods are
company and guaranteed to do good work.
Call and see us before buying. Yours Truly.
tI Werner , Mosiman Sc Co.T
I I
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Great Paper of the Great West
The Kansas Citv Star
Everywhere recognized ne the strongest nnd most reliable
newspaper in the most prosperous region of the United States.
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States the moment THE STAR comes from the press No western nmn
even indirectly interested In the value of food products , stocks and
securities can afford to be without THIS STAR S dally record ot price *
and conditions.
ItS Special features include The Chaperon * * column , in which
are answered questions pertaining to be.iuty ulds and bociul customs and
alTalrs , a department for inqulri rs on other-ubjects and a wide range
of miscellaneous articles throwing side lights upon the world's most In
teresting people and events these In addition to a vigorous editorial
page , absolutely Independent politically , and a Sunday Itsiiu that 1-
full of live special matter and hamun interest
13 Papers Each week for 10 cents
The Kansas City Star was the first -and is still the only
newspaper to deliver a complete morning paper , THE KAN
SAS CITY TIMES , to its subscribe-s without mi-reuse in the
subscription price.
Registered Arberdeei\-Arvg\is Cattle
FOR SALE 50 Registered Arberdeen-Angus cows
and heifers. These cattle are all under six years of age.
Matured cows weigh 1500 pounds and over. All of
breeding age are good regular breeders , some have
calves at foot , others are soon due to calf. Also
bulls. Prices range from # 50.00 up. Gravity is on
the Burlington route , in Taylor county , Iowa , 75 miles
south-east of Omaha. Also a good well improved
farm of 240 acres , i y2 miles from Gravity , for sale.
Jas : Chambers ,
Gravity , Iowa.
J ANNOUNCEMENT
| Having scoured the exehi-
| sivo agency in Fnlls City for
I Sycamore Springs Mineral
& Water , wo lire prepared to
furnish customers with the
the entno. Price 00 cents per
five gallon cask. Call phone
185) or phone 131) ) .
PRANK GIST
C. P. RE AVIS Jr.
jiNew Candy Store
I Offers Home Made
I Candy fresh each day.
3 The best , purest and
3 freshest for Wholesale -
| sale and Retail trade ,
| One door north of
3 Hargraue & Hargrave
| The Falls City f
1 Candy Kitchen j
0
DR. O. H. KENT
Graduate American School of
Osteopathy , Klrksvllle , Mo.
Examination and Consultation Free
Hours : ! ) to 12 a m ; 1 toI p in
Olllecat residence , Stone street , soio ; > 'd
block north of court house.
FALLS CITV - NUBUASKA
SHIELDS' CAFE
GEO. SHIELDS , Proprietor
Open Night and Day. Oysters
a Specialty Everything Hot
One block east of Cleveland's Store
A. E. Wolfe D. O.
Osteopathic Physician
Oillce over Lyford's store. Residence
at National Hotel
Office Phone 267 Residence Phone 156
FALLS CITY NEBRASKA
C. H. riARION
AUCTIONEER ,
Sales conducted in
scientific and busi
nesslike manner
I C. H. MARION
Falls City , Nebraska
Ln.me Back.
This ailment U usually caused bj
rheumatism of the muscles and may be
cured by applying Chamberlain's I'ain
Uulm two or three times a day and
rubbing the parts vigorously at each
application. If this does not , allord ro
Ili-f , bind a piece of fluntifl ellghth
dampened with Pali ; Bairn , and quick
relief it almost sure to follow. l 'oi
sale at Korr's Drug Store.
Liver a Foe to Ambition.
You can not accomplish \cry much
If your liver is Inactive as yon feel dul
your eyes are heavy and slight oxer
lion exhausts jon. Orino Lmxutlvu
Fruit Syrup stimulates the liver and
bowels and makes > on feel bright un <
active. Orino Laxative Fruit Syrui
( loon not nauseate or gripe and Is , milt
and very pleasant to take. Orino It
more effective than pils | or jrdlnurj
cathartics. Refuse substitute. . Foi
sale at Moore's Pharmacy.
BEGGS' BLOOD PURIFIEI
CURES catarrh of the stomach.
Out of the Ginger Jar.
\ I'hAl'K KIM .IKKKMIA1I
A certain prosy preacher recently -
cently gave an endless discourse
on the prophets. First he dwelt
it length on the minor prophets.
At last lie finished them , and
the congregation gave a sigh of
elief. He took a long breath
ind continued : "Now I shall
proceed to the major prophets. "
After the major prophets had
eceived more than ample at-
tention.thc congregation ga e
mother sigh of relief.
"Now that I have linished
with the minor prophets find
he major prophets , what about
Tercmiah ? Where is Jeremiah's
ilace ?
At this point a tall man arose
in the back of the church. "Jer
emiah can have my place , "he
said "I'm "
; going home.
HI : HUM ) tn > Tine THAIN
A German traveler who tried
to pass a meal ticket on the
train was told by the conductor
that ho would have to pay the
regular fare of thirty-live cents.
fheOecman argued and refused
to pay more than twenty-live
cents , whereupon the conductor
stopped the train and put him
oil' . Jna twinkling the traveler
ran ahead of the engine and
started to walk on the track ,
The engineer blew his whistle
violentlj' , but the irate German
turned , shook his list and called
out : "You can vissle all you
want to ; I von't come pack. "
In an Episcopal church in
Peoria it is an Easter morning
custom for the ushers to greet
incoming members of the con
gregation with , "The Lord is
risen. " An old lady who was
deaf and who had but recently
united with the church was met
by Dr. Tyng with the saluta
tion
"What is it ? " she asked ,
pausing and placing her hand
to her ear.
'The Lord is risen , " repeated
the doctor.
" " said the absently
"Oh. yes ! lady
sently , as she moved on down
the aisle. She was met by an
other usher who gave her the
same greeting.
"What did you say ? " she de
manded.
"The Lord is risen , " returned
the usher.
' , Oh. yes , so Dr. Tyng tells
me ! " she remarked complacent
ly as she entered a pew.
A school teacher was trying
to make a class understand
what a volcano is like. In re
viewing the lesson she drew
upon the blackboard her own
conception of a llaming moun
tain , using colored crayons with
extraordinary eliect.
"What is it ? " she asked. This
scholars shooic their puzzled
heads.
"What does it look like ? " she
pursued
"It looks like hell , ma'am , "
returned a small boy , soberly.
APTint MANY TllIALS
He was a sad-faced American
tourist , and as he seated himself
in a London restaurant he was
immediately attended by an ob
sequious waiter.
"I want two eggs , " said the
Americanone fried
- -one on one
hide and one on the other. "
" 'Ow is that , sir ? " asked the
astounded waiter.
"Two eggs one fried on one
side and one on the other. "
'Very well , sir. "
The waiter was gone several
minutes , and when he returned
hi- face was a study.
"Would you please repeat
your liordcr , sir ? "
' t t > aid , very distinctly , two
eggsne fried on one side ant :
one on the other. "
Oppies.sive silence , and then
a du/.fd "Very well , sir. ' '
1 1 in .line he was gone longer
and wiiiMi he returned he sail
uid it be awsking toe
> ir , to 'ave you repea
itlcr , sir ? I cawn't thinl
ngut , hir , y' know. "
. V said the Ameri
an sadly and patiently "one
Vied on one side and one on the
) ther. "
Moie oppressive silence and
mother and fainter "Very well ,
ir. "
This time he was gone still
onger. When he returned his
ollar was unbuttoned , his hair
lishevelcd and his face scratch.
d and bleeding , Leaning over
he waiting patron he wispercd
beseechingly : "Would you mind
aking boilded heggs , sir ? I've
ad some words with the cook. "
WHKUH WAS HIM , ?
Uill Jones is a country store-
ccepor down in Louisiana , and
ast spring he went to New Or-
eans to purchase a stock of
goods The goods were shipped
mmcdiatley and reached home
before he did. When the boxes
of goods were delivered at his
lore by the drayman his wife
uippened to look at the largest ;
he uttered a loud cry and called
'or a hammer. A neighbor ,
learing the screams , rushed to
ler assistance and asked what
vas the matter. The wife , pale
ind faint , pointed loan inscrip-
ion on the box which read as
ollows : "Uill inside. "
THKVA \ OUT
A well-known physician , says
"The Boston Herald1 was on
his way to his oflice one winter
morning when the sidewalks
were a glare of ice. While go.
ng down the street he met a
ad } ' coming in the opposite
lirection. The lady was a
stranger to him , although he
was not unknown to her.
In trying to avoid eace other
on the icy pavement they both
lipped and came to the side
walk facing each other , with
heir pedal extremities consider
ably entangled. While the decor -
; or was debating in his mind
what was the proper thing to
ay or do under the trying cir
cumstances the problem was
solved by the quick-witted lady ,
who quietly remarked :
"Doctor , if you will be good
enough to rise and pick out
yonr legs , I will take what re-
nains. "
AT ANV COST
A darky preacher was lost in
: he happy selection of his text ,
which he repeated in vigorous
accents of pleading.
"Oh , bredern , at de las' day
dere's gwine to be sheep and
dere's gwine to be goats. Who's
jwine to be de sheep , an' who's
f wine to be de goats ? Let's all
try to be like de liT white
lambs , bredern. Shall we be de
joats , sisters ? Naw , we's gwine
to bj de sheep. Who's gwine
to be de sheep , bredern , an'
who's gwine to be de goats ?
Talc' care ob youh souls , sisters ;
tak' ob Re
care yonh souls.
member' dere's gwine to be
goats an' sheep. Who's gwine
to be de sheep an' who's gwine
to be de goats ?
.lusttheh a solitary Irishman
who had been sitting in the
back of the church , listening
attentively , rose and said :
"Ui'll be lhe goat Go on ;
tell us the joke , Elder. Oi'll be
the goat ! ' '
HK ICNHW ONLY ON'K
A teacher had been telling
her class of boys that recently
worms had become so numerous
that they destroyed the crops ,
and it was neccessary to import
the English sparrow to exterm
inate them. The sparrows mul
tiplied very fast and were grad
ually driving away our native
biids.
Johnny was apparently very
inattentive , and the teacher ,
thinking to catch him napping
said : "Johnny , which is worse ,
to have worms cr sparrows ? "
Johnny hesitated a momen
and then replied : "Please 1
never had the sparrows. "
THK SAMi : ONLY , A MTTLK DIP
PKIIKNT.
They were newly married , ac
cording to "The New Yorl
Sun , " and on a honeymoon trip
They put up at a skyscraper
hotel. The bridegroom felt in
disposed and the bride said she
would slip out and do a little
shopping , In due time , a little
awed by the number of doors
that looked alike. Uut she was
sure of her own and tapped
gently on the panel.
"I'm back , honey : lot me in , "
she whispered ,
No answer.
"Honey , honey , let me in ! "
he called again , rapping louder.
Still no answer.
"Honey , honey , it's Mabel ,
jet me in. "
There was silence for several
econds ; then a man's voice ,
old and full ol dignity , came
rom the other hide of the door :
' Madam , this is not a beehive ;
t's a bathroom. "
FUU , PAKTICUI.AKS (1IVKN.
A small boy who had recently
Kissed his llfth birthday was
iding in a suburban car with
us mother , when they were
isked the customary question ,
'How old is the boy ? " After
being told the correct age ,
vhich did not require a fare ,
he conductor passed on to the
text person.
The boy sat quite still as if
londering over some question ,
ind then , concluding that full
nformation had not been given
called loudly to the conductor ,
then at the other end of the car :
"And mother's thirty-one ! "
A Voice from the Farm.
March 12 , 1906. Dear Sir : In
our last paper I sec you are still
worrying yourself about people
sending to Mail order houses for
heir floods. Is it a wonder I do
lot think that Falls Citv ever
did anything to hold their trade ,
years ago it moved its hitching'
) oat off the streets and even went
is far as to limit the time that a
armcr could have to stop his
earn on the street. Now they
cick because the farmer sends off.
How many of Palls City people
are burning wood ? Very few.
They say , "we send and get us
coal , it's cheaper. We get it in
carload lots. " The farmer sends
off by the one hundred pounds
and saves the price on the freight
besides the price on the goods. A
; ew years ago I wanted a wind-
mil. 75.00 was the best they
could do. I sent for one , it cost
me $32-20 and $4 00 freight , mak
ing 33f .20. I have the mill and
the papers to prove it. I bought
a fotir.hole range at Falls City ,
"or which I paid $45.00. It was
claimed to last a life time , in a
'ew years it was worn out. I
sent off and { jot a six-hole range
with reservoir which cost me
$17.17 , freight paid to Falls City ,
which we are still usintf. Has
[ ' " 'alls City ever tried to start a
factory to use some of the farm
er's products ? No ; they only
want to send and get their goods
ind make a good profit on them.
You claim that they will sell
goods as cheap as mail order
liouscs and better goodsI want
you to prove it , and then I am
willing to quit sending off for
goods. You say they should ad
vertise. What does their adver
tisement amount to. A few weeks
ago you advertised in your paper
that your poultry men were pay
ing * > c a pound for hens and
ducks. On Saturday I got my
paper and on Monday I took a
load of poultry to Falls City and
they told me they were paying
8c and SX'C. I told them that
the paper stated 'Jc per pound.
Yes , that is what we paid last
Friday. " I have no use for such
advertisement or paper. Even
the dry goods advertisements are
not much better. When you get
there they saj' "Yes. that was on
special sale days. " So it is of no
use to read such an advertise
ment. 1 read a few papers but
there is not one that complains
so much as these Falls City
papers do about patronising mail
order houses. I have been here
in this county since 18f > l and
have not been asleep all the time.
More the next time.
FKOM A RKAUKK.
3EGGS' BLOOD PUK1FIER
CURES catarrh of the stomach *