THE FALLS CIT TRIBUNE , FRIDAY , MARCH 9 , 1906.
The Ginger Jar.
WHO IS VOI.K ?
When Governor Folk was cam
paigning Missouri , in 1J04 , he
had with him a few spellbinders
whom he used for the opening
speeches at his meetings * while
he reserved himself for the clos
ing effort.
One of these spellbinders begat
at : i meeting in Scdalia. Hi
touched on national issues fo :
half an hour or so and then goi
down to the state campaign.
He strode out to the edge o !
the platform , raised his arm ;
above his head and said , will
great declamatory effect : "Wlu
is Joseph W. Folk ?
He paused for reply. Then In
thundered again : "And who , .
ask you , is Joseph W. Folk1'
Still there was no reply.
With one last , gigantic effor
he roared : "Again I ask you
who is Joseph W. Folk ? "
"Oh , well , " piped a little mai
who sat on one of the first bench
cs , "I'll bite. Who is Joseph W
Folk ?
H1U.V MADK A GUHSS AT IT
Having arranged with his wifi
to make a long-promised call :
faithful husband arrived home ii
the afternoon only to find hi ;
better half out and no message
left to explain her absence-
Finally the husband inqnirec
of their trusted handy man.
"Oh , Billy , " he said , "can yet
tell me anything of my wife' !
whereabouts ? "
"Well , I don't know , sir , " sai <
Billy respectfully , "but I supposi
they're in the wash. "
ONI ; TOO MANY
Discretion is a good thing , am
Kcilly , the tailor , had a heap o
it.
One morning Mrs. Murphy , ;
customer , came into the shop am
found him busy with pencil ani
paper. She asked him what h
was doing.
"Oi'm makin' a list av the mil
in this block that Oi kin lick. "
"llev ycx got Murphy's nam
down ? " asked she.
"Murphy heads me list. "
Home Hew Mrs. Murphy an
broke the news to her man. II
wasin Keilly's shop in a jiffy.
"Me woman tells me that ye'i
nfther making a memorial tabh
11 v the min that ; ez can lick , an
that ye've got me at the head c
it. Is that true ? "
"Shurc and it's true. What (
it ? " said Rcillv.
" 1 i 1
"Ye-good-for-nothin1 t t
grasshopper , I could commit su
cide on yex with me little finge
3 could wipe np the Hure wid yi
wid me hands tied behind me. "
"Arc ye sure of that ? " askc
Reilly.
"I'm sure and more about it ,
"All right , then , " said Reill ;
"if ye're sure of it I'll scratch 3
off the list. "
Colonel Theodore P. Baxtei
widely known in the grain tra (
in the West , was discussing r
ligion in his office , and he made
general declaration of the pie !
of the people of Kansas. ' 1
prove his point he turned to
small boy who came in foragla :
of water.
"Johnny , " asked the colom
"what ' ' ? "
is'your pa's religion
"Well , " said the boy , " 1
thinks he's a Presbyterian bi
he ain't working at it much. "
F. Hopkinson Smith , painte
author , engineer , and profcssiot
al optimist , tells a story showit :
that Boston boys of the strei
are like all others. ' He eve
heard a conversation between tv
youngsters selling newspapers.
"Say , Harry , w'at's de be
way to teach a girl how
swim ? " asked the younger one.
"Dat's a cinch. First off y <
puts your left arm under h
waist and you gently takes h
left hand. "
"Come off : she's me sister. "
"Aw , push her off dc dock. "
KVKKYMODV HAS ONK OK MOKH
"You must find that itnpei
ment in your speech rather incc
venicnt at times , Mr. B ? "
"Oh , n-no ; everybody has 1
little p-peculiarity. S-stamm
ing is m-mine ; what is y-yours ? "
"Well , really. I am not aware
that I have any. "
"D-do you stir yyour tea with
your right hand ? "
"Why , yes , of course. "
"W-well , that is y-your pecu
liarity ; most people u-use a t-tea-
spoon. "
11O\V DID HKYAN KNOW ?
William Jennings Bryan is a
great friend of Dr. John II. Gird-
ncr , of New York , and usually
stays at Doctor Girdner's house
wUen he goes to New York.
Girgner gave a breakfast in
honor of Mr. Bryan some time
ago. He invited all the leading
New York Democrats of the
Bryan svay of thinking and had
a pleasant party. Grapefruits
were served ) each with" spoonful
of brandy spilled in the cavity in
the center.
Mr. Bryan is a teetotaler. He
did not touch his grapcfrliit.
After the breakfast Mrs. Girdner
went to the ancient cook of the
household and said :
"Bridget , you made a "terrible
mistake this morning. "
Indeed , mum ? " said Bridget.
"An1 what was it ? "
"Why , you put brandy on Mr.
Bryan's grapefruit and he never
drinks. lie doesn't know the
taste of liquor. He didn't eat hi *
fruit. "
"An' he never drinks , mum ,
an' doesn't know th' taste oi
it ? "
"Certainly not. "
"Then , mum , " said Bridget ,
"plaxe tell me how he knew ii
was brandy , mum ? "
I-'ATK PI.AY.
A group of drummers were
trading yarns on the subjects o !
hospitality , says "Upponcott'i
Magazine , ' ' when one of them
took up his parable thus :
"I was down in Ivouisiana las !
month traveling cross countrj
when we kinder got lost in ;
lonesome sort of road just abou
dark , and then when we saw :
light ahead 1 tell you it looke <
first rate. We drove up to tin
light find in' 'twas a house , an <
when I hollered the man caun
out and we asked him to take u
in for the night. He looked a
us mighty hard , then said , "Wai
I reckon I kin stand it if you kin.1
"So we unhitched , went in am
found 'twas only a two-roon
f shanty and just swarmin' witl
children. He had six from fou
to 'levcn years an' Stony wai
wonderin' whan in thunder wouli
become of us.
"They gave us supper , an
then the old woman put the tw <
1 youngest kids to bed. The
went straight to sleep. The
she took those out , laid them ovc
in the corner , put the next tw
to bed , and so on. After all th
children were asleep on the flee
the old folks went in the othe
room and told us we could go t
bed if we wanted to , and , bei
tired out we did.
"Well , sir the next morniii ]
when we woke up we was lyin ;
over in the corner with the kid
and the old man and the old w <
man had the bed !
Press Notes.
e Sam Edgar and wile of Pall
t City are spending the week i
Barada with friends. Barad
Breeze.
Martin Gehling , of Palls Citj
was in our town Tuesday an
Wednesday. He called at oi
sanctuary and made onr hear !
glad by ordering the Breeze fc
one year. Barada Breeze.
Maud Yocum of Palls City w ;
the guest of Lucy Smith Barad
Breeze.
One reason why men are m
so vain as women is that the
have no reason to be. Pairbni
News.
Tom Kadinsky went to Col
ridge Saturday where he will e
ter the employment of a drt
i _ company as its manager. Ste
ling Record.
Prank \Yolfe has resigned h
is I position as clerk at "Wheelei
I store , and the first of the wee
will move to Palls City where he
will take charge of the clothing
department at Wahl's store.
Stella Press-
Market Letter.
Yards Kansas Mo.--
Stock , City , - -
Mnreh Oth , 1110(5. ( The promis
ing start in the market last week
turned out to ho misleading.
Higher prices Monday and Tues
day brought out liberal supplies of
beef steers after Tuesday Buy
ers lined the aigument they always
employ at the beginning of Lent ,
besides having many to select from
and prices declined from 15 to 25
cents from the high time , taking
oil' the gain of the first two days of
the week. The market was errat
ic , and iinctnatioiiBvillent. Good
cows held the advance of the iirat
of the week- Medium cows and
heifers did not make any net gain
for the week , veal calves lost 25
to 50 cents , but sto.-kers Mid
feeders were scarce and in good
demand , closing the week 10 lo 25
cents higher.
The cattle supply is only 15000
today , lightest Monday this year
by a third , and prices 10 lo Ir
higher , or o little better than lasl
Monday on all classes. Top steers
sold last week at $5.75 , bulk todnj
at S1.7f > to $5.15 , ns there are nc
good steers here today , best heif <
ers SI 00 to $ ' 1.75 , cows $3.00 tc
$ 1.25 , bul IB SU.OO to $8.75 , ven
calves $1.00 to $0.75. Veals an
75 to $1.00 lower than high lime
Feeders bring up to $1.80 stock
crs SI (50 ( , hulk of feeders abovt
$1.00 , stackers $15,50 lo Si 25 , i
certain percentage al So.00 tc
SIJ.50. Supply from far west aw
Panhandle country was smallest o
the year.
Mad country roads are said ti
have held down hog receipts las
week , and to be responsible fo
the small supply of 5000 head to
day. The market is most chang
able , buyi-rs operating slowly , am
sellers in the market most of th
time. The week showed a nc
loss of 5 i-enis , but todays marke
is 10 to 15 higher , top $ ( > . & > , bull
of sales $0.22 to SU.UO. Siippl ;
last week 51800 , a decrease o
11000 from previous week.
.Jacob Lichty of Merrill , Kas ,
jrought in yesterday a shipmuu
of young cattle. He apologisei
; or not being in before giving ai
excuse that he was kept bus
looking after the largo string o
cattle he has on feed. He is feed
several hundred steers and 50
liead of heifers besides 1000 heat
of hogs. Unlike most stockmen
Mr. Liohty expreessed himsel
to the effect that fed cattle on
liogs were up to n good livini
price and could be handled at
profit at present prices. Bu
there is one thing Mr. Lichty is
little cranky about and that is i
his method of caring for his stool'
Some time ago he erected o
his farm a big dipping tank nt
cost of $400 , which he refers t
with considerable pride.
"All my cattle and hogs on tlit
farm are dipped now , " ho sail
"Whenever 1 buy a string c
stackers or feeders I dip them r
soon as I get thorn home. If
buy a few head of cattle of enemy <
my neighbors , I dip them. I kce
right on dipping them and I fin
that the old adage of prevention
being belter than cure , works we !
There are skin diseases among tl :
cattle , even in healthy herds
Dipping effectually removes thei
germs. The same condition exisl
among hogs and by dipping thei
frequently they nre kept heulthfu
J. A. RteKAitT
L. S. Correspondent.
Sluggish Liver & Fue to Ambition.
You can not accomplish very mm
If your llvor Is Inactive as you feel lit
your eyes are heavy and flight exe
lion exhausts you. Orino La.xuti
Fruit Syrup stimulates the liver m
bowels anil makes you feel bright ai
active. Orino Laxative Fruit Syri
does not nauseate or gripe and Is ml
and very pleasant to take. Orino
more effective than pills or onllnu
cathartics. Refuse substitutes. F
sale at Moore's Pharmacv.
Harlow can give you for yoi
Sunday dinner sweet potatoe
turnips , parsnips , onions , cabba ;
and lettuce.
*
THE ORIGINAL
MET- LAXATIVE
HONEY and TAR
Cures Coughs , Colds , Croup , La Grippe , Asthma , Throat In the
and Lung Troubles. Prevents Pneumonia and Consumption YELLOW PACKAGE
For Sale at Dr. Moore's Pharmacy , Falls City , Nebr.
You Will Prosper
in the Great
Southwest
In Oklahoma , Indian Territory
ml Texas are vnst areas of unim-
iroved land Innd not now yield
tig the crops of which it is cap-
ble. The snme conditions apply
o the towns. Few lines of busi-
iess'ire adequately represented.
There nre openings o { nil sorts
'or mills and factories , for small
lores , for banks , newspaper and
umber yards. You hnve only to
et on the ground to prove this.
To enable yon to do so the .Mis-
ouri , Kansas nnd Texas rnilwny
ifer
Rates Cheaper Than Ever I
Feb. 6th and 20th
March 6th and 20th
On above : lntes most lines will ]
ell both one-way nnd round trip
ickets nt exceptionally low ratee.
If your nearest railroad ngent can-
rot give you the rates , write me
or particulars.
If you're in imy
wiiy interested in the
.Southwest , I'd like to
send yon my paper
"The Coming Conn-
try. " Address
W. S. ST. GEORGE.
General Passenger Agent
550 Wainwrifiht Blclfl. St. Louis , Mo.
Tickets nre on siile
i very where , viii Mis
souri , KiiiiKiis nnd
Texas Itnilwnj.
Burlington Bulletin.
MARGE 1900.
Into the Northwest : Now is
the time to go at cheap rates on
one of the Burlington's two dnily
through trains to Montana , Puget
Sound nnd Portland. You don't
know how cheaply you can buy a
one wny colonist ticket. Ask the
ngent.
Special Homeeeekers" rates :
Mnrch (5th ( nnd 20th very low
round trip hoineseekers1 rntes into
the North Plntte Valley , the Big
Horn Basin , also into the South
west.
west.To
To Tfie Sunny South- Very
attractive winter tourist rates
dnily until April 30th to n large
number of Southern resorts.
Irrigated Lands : Better get
hold of nn irrigated fnrm for your
self or your son while there is yet
time ; irrigated lands hnve increns-
ed from 100 to 200 per cent in
value in the lust few years. Send
for our publication on irrigated
linds , free.
To Gal forma : Very cheap one
wny tickets dnily to California un
til April 7th. Through tourist
sleepers.
Paeitl'c Const : Better muke the
grandest tour in the world the
tour of the const--this spring nnd
summer. First excursion April
2(5th ( to May f th inclusive. There
will be very low , dnily , round trip
California and Puget Sound rates
through the summer.
Write me just what trip you
have in mind nnd let me advise
you the lenst cost and the best
way to make it. G. Stewart ,
Agent C. B. it Q. Ky.
L.V. . WAKELCY ,
G. P. A. , OniRhn. 113-41
Anti-Saloon Campaign.
Anti-saloon campaign will be
gin promptly at 8 p. in. , March
13,1906. Darnell will start the
saloon after the ice man.
W. H. MADDOX ,
Chairman anti-saloon league.
Irrigated Lands
A Sure Thin I
Special Hoilieseekers' RatCS : On February Oth and
.March Otji and 20lh the Burlington nmkes vury low excur
sion rales to the Big Horn Bnsin. the North Platte Valley
mid Eastern Colorado.
Keep Ahead Ot the Movement : The Government work
is under full headway towards putting water on two hun
dred thousand acres of land adjacent to the Burlington
-f-
rend , at an average eost of $25.00 It IB possible today to -
secure homestead lands alongthese great ditches , in advance
of the water. You can also buy from private concerup ,
very fine irrigated lindg , under a full and permanent water
supply , at prices ranging $25.00 to § 40.00 nn acre. The
history of western irrigated lands shows that their value
hits increased over one hundred per cent in the past few
years. There nre areas of irrigated lands in the west
that cannot be bought lodny for $300.00 nn acre.
It Will Pay YOU to get interested in irrigated land ,
and to et in touch with the land agents in the North
Pintle Valley , the Big Horn Basin , the Billing , Montana
district or Eastern Colorado. If you will write me for
irrigation literature descriptive of any of these localities , I
will mail it tu yuij free , together with a list of land agents.
L. W. WAKELEY , G. A. STEWART ,
General Passenjjer Agt. . Agent.
Omaha , Neb.
CITY MEAT MARKET
We handle nil kinds of fresh and snlt meats. Poultry. Fish
mid Giune in season. Home made lard , pure mid sweet , our
long suit. Oyster ? , Celery , Kraut , Pickles , &c.
We pay the highest nnirkst price for Poultry , Hides and Fnt
Stock. We kill all our own ment and handle nothing but the
very best. We solicit n share of your patronage.
J. B. RAMEL , Propr.
HECKS FEED STORE f" *
lust received n cnr of Ground Oil Cake which I will
sell at § 33.00 per ton. $3400 per ton in one-half
ton lots nnd $1.75 per hundred for less uuantities.
Plenty of Climax Chick feed , just the stuff for
little chicks. Satisfaction guaranteed cr money re-
funded. Flour , Bran. Shorts , chop feed , grain of all
< kinds , Bnled Hay nnd Straw , Coal nnd Wood , Lump > fj
Rock nnd Ground Rock Snlt , Michigan bnrrel suit.
Also giudt-n settle nnd onion sets.
CO HECK'S FEED STORE
A Good Watch !
Is a necessity to every man
who would succeed in life.
The. kinds we sell are guaran
teed to give you one of man's
strongest assets punctuality
if you will obey them.
Only standard and reliable
movements find place here
and we willingly guarantee
them to be accurate time keep
ers. Cases plain , simple and
ornate in either Gold , Silver
or Gun-m tal.
Velicate and complicated re
pairs are a specialty here.
A. E.JAQUET.
Falls Otv , Nebraska.
A Favorite Remedy for Babies.
Its pleasant taste anil prompt cures
have made Chamberlain's Cough Hern-
eily a favorite with mothers of small
chlllreu. It quickly cures their
coughs ami culda anil prevents any
danger of pneumonia or other . serious
consequence. It not jnly cures croup ,
but when clven as soon as the croupy
cough appears will prevent the at-
tack. For sale at Kerr's Drug Store.
FOIEYSHONEY-TAR
stop * tb * cough and heals lungs
j FARMERS
\ Who have the best Orchards
\ nnd the finest fruits nre they
who patronize the
Falls City Nursery.
\ Disappointment surely
awaits the man that expects
lo ony anything better than f
the fruitb we offer for this f
springs planting.
Phone , 218.
WmMohlerl \
Legal Notice.
In the Itlchiirdson county district court ,
State of Nebraska
ReRsle Roberts ,
Plaintiff ,
vs.
Jcsso A. Koberts ,
Defendant.
Tlic defendant , Jesse- Itoberts , Is hereby
notified that the plaintiff , Ilessle Hoberts.
did , on the 17th day ot February. 1000 , llle
her petition In the district court of Itlcburd-
son county , Nebraska , against you , the
object mid prayer of which , is to obtain a
decree by said court dissolving the bonds of
matrimony now existing between you and
her , on the grounds of non-support of her
and her child , and that you uro a common
drunkard and gambler.
You are fuither notified that unleiajtni
plead answer or demur to euld petition
on or teforo the 9th day of April , 1903 , the
same will bo taken pro confesso. and u
decree of divorce as prayed , will be entered
accordingly. * IUv.B.
11-51 Att'ys for I'laintUT.
FOLEYSHONIY IAR
far chlldnnt * af , ur . Jfa opt at ft