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About The Falls City tribune. (Falls City, Neb.) 1904-191? | View Entire Issue (March 9, 1906)
to- THE FALLS CITV TRIBUNE , FRIDAY , MARCH 9 , 1906. The Ginger Jar , WHO IS 1-'OI K ? When Governor Folk was cam paigning Missouri , in l'JM ( , lie had with him a few spellbinders whom lie used for the opening speeches at his meetings , while he reserved himself for the clos ing effort. One of these spellbinders began at a meeting in Scdalia. He touched on national issues fo : half an hour or so and then gel down to the state campaign. lie strode out to the edge ol the platform , raised his arms above his head and said , will great declamatory effect : "Whc is Joseph W. Folk ? He paused for reply. Then hi thundered again : "And who , 1 ask you , is Joseph W. Folk' ' Still there was no reply. With one last , gigantic eiTorl lie roared : "Again I ask you , who is Joseph W. Folk ? " "Oil , well , " piped a little man who sat on one of the first bench es. "I'll bite. Who is Joseph W. . Folk ? 1111.1.Y MA1JK A GUKSS AY IT Having arranged with his wife to make a long-promised call i faithful husband arrived home ii ; the afternoon only to find his better half out and no message left to explain her absence- Finally the husband inquirer of their trusted handy man. "Oh , Billy , " he said , "can yoi tell me anything of my wife's whereabouts ? " "Well , I don't know , sir , " saic Billy respectfully , "but I supposi they're in the wash. " ONI ? TOO MANY Discretion is a good thing , am Kcilly , the tailor , had a heap o it. One morning Mrs. Murphy , : customer , came into the shop an < found him busy with pencil am paper. She asked him what h was doing. "Oi'm makin' a list av the mil in this block that Oi kin lick. " "llev vex got Murphy's nam down ? " asked she. "Murphy heads me list. " Home flew Mrs. Murphy an broke the news to her man. II wasin Reilly's shop in a jiffy. "Me woman tells me that ye'r afther making a memorial table 11 v the min that j ex. can lick , an that yc've got me at the head c it. Is that true ? " "Shure and it's true. What c it ? " said Reillv. "Ye-good-for-nothin' 1 i t 11 grasshopper , I could commit su cide on yez with me little finge I could wipe up the llure wid yi wid me hands tied behind me. " "Arc ye sure of that ? " askc Reilly. "I'm sure and more about it "All right , then , " said Reill ; "if yc're sure of it I'll scratch 3 off the list. " Colonel Theodore P. Baxtci widely known in the grain tra ( in the West , was discussing r ligion in his office , and he made general declaration of the pie of the people of Kansas. ' ] prove his point he turned to small boy who came in foragla of water. "Johnny , " asked the colon * "what is "your pa's religion ? " "Well , " said the boy , " 1 thinks he's a Presbyterian b he ain't working at it much. " F. Hopkinson Smith , paintt author , engineer , and professioi al optimist , tells a story shown that Boston boys of the stre are like all others. ' He ov < heard a conversation between b youngsters selling newspapers. "Say , Harry , w'at's de be way to teach a girl how swim ? " asked the younger one. "Dat's a cinch. First off y puts your left arm under 1 waist and } rou gently takes 1 left hand. " "Come off : she's me sister. " "Aw , push her off de dock.1 KVKKYBODV HAS ONK OK MOKI "You must find that impe nient in your speech rather inc < venient at times , Mr. B ? " "Oh , n-no ; everybody has little p-peculiarity. S-stamm injj is m-mine ; what is y-yours ? " "Well , really , I sun not aware that I have any. " "D-do you stir yyour tea with your ri ht hand ? " ' 'Why , yes , of course. " "W-woll , that i3 y-your pecu liarity ; most people u-use a t-tea- spoon. " HOW DID 11KVAN KNOW ? William Jennings Bryan is a great friend of Dr. John II. Gird- ncr , of New York , and usually stays at Doctor Girdncr's house when he goes to New York. Girgner gave a breakfast in honor of Mr. Uryau some time ago. He invited all the leading New York Democrats of the Bryan way of thinking and had a pleasant party. Grapefruits were served , each with a spoonful of brandy spilled in the cavity in the center. Mr. Bryan is a teetotaler. He did not touch his grapefruit. After the breakfast Mrs , Girdner went to the ancient cook of the household and said : "Bridget , you made a 'terrible mistake this morning. " Indeed , mum ? " said Bridget. "An' what was it ? " "Why , you put brandy on Mr. Bryan's grapefruit and he never drinks. He doesn't know the taste of liquor. He didn't eat his fruit. " "An' he never drinks , mum , an' doesn't know tlf taste of it ? " " . " "Certainly not. "Then , mum , " said Bridget , "plaxe tell me how he knew it was brandy , mum ? " I'AIK PI.AY. A group of drummers were trading yarns on the subjects ol hospitality , says "Lipponcott'j. . Magax.inc , " when one of them took up his parable thus : "I was down in Louisiana last month traveling cross coimtrj when we kinder got lost in ; lonesome sortof road just aboui dark , and then when we saw : light ahead 1 tell you it looke < first rate. We drove up to tin light findin' 'twas a house , am when I hollered the man cami out and we asked him to take in in for the night. He looked a t us mightj' hard , then said , "Wai I reckon I kin stand it if you kin. ' "So we unhitched , went in am found 'twas only a two-roon shanty and just swarmin' witl children. He had six from fou to 'levcn years an1 Stony wa1. wondcrin' whan in thunder woul < become of us. "They gave us supper , aiv then the old woman put the tw < youngest kids to bed. The ; went straight to sleep. The she took those out , laid them oyc in the corner , put the next tw to bed , and so on. After all th children were asleep on the flee the old folks went in the othe room and told us we could go t bed if we wanted to. and , bci tired out we did. "Well , sir the next mornin when we woke up we was lyin , over in the corner with the kid and the old man and the old we man had the bed ! mt Press Notes. Sam Edgar and wile of Fal ! it City are spending the week i Barada with friends. Barad Breeze. Martin Gehling , of Falls Cit ; was in our town Tuesday an Wednesday. He called at 01 sanctuary and made our hear glad by ordering the Breexe f < one year. Barada Breeze. ; t Maud Yocum of Falls City w ; to the guest of Lucy Smith Barac Breeze. in One reason why men are n cr so vain as women is that tin have no reason to be , Fairbu News. Tom Radinsky went to Col ridge Saturday where he will e ter the employment of a dn company as its manager. Ste n- ling Record. Frank Wolfe has resigned I ns position as clerk at Wheelei store , and the first of the we < will move to Falls City where he will take charge of the clothing department at Wahl's store. - Stella Press. Market Letter. Stoek Yards , Kansas Oily , Mo. Miiruh Oth , 1UOO. The promis ing Hturt in the market last week turned nut to be misleading. Higher prices Monday and Tues day brought out liberal supplies of bc'i'f steera lifter Tuesday. Buy era iidt-d tlic argument they always employ at the beginning of Lent , besides having many to select from and prices declined frptn 15 to 25 cents from the high lime , taking oil' the gain of the lirnt two days of the week. The market was errat ic , and lluctiiations villent. Good cows held the advance of the tire I of the week. Medium cows and heifers did not make any net gain for the week , veal calves lost 25 to 50 cents , but Hlo.-kers hiul feeders were scarce mid in good demand , closing the week 10 to 25 cents higher. The cattle supply is only 0000 today , lightest Monday this year , by a third , and prices 10 to 15 higher , or a little better than last Monday on all classes. Top steers sold last week at $5.75 , bulk today at $1.7f > to $5.15 , as there are no goud uleuru here today , best heif ers SI 00 lo $ ' 1.75 , cows $3.00 to $ 1.25 , bulIs $15.00 to $3.75 , veal calves $1.00 to $0.75. Venln are 75 In $1.00 lower than high time , Feeders bring up to $4.80 stack ers $100 , hulk of feeders above $ -1.00 , stackers $3,50 to $ d 25 , n certain percentage al $3.00 to $3.50. Supply from far west and Panhandle country was smallest ol the year. Bad country roads are said U have held down hog receipts lasl week , and to be responsible foi the small supply of 5000 head to day. The market is most chnng- able , bujvrs operating slowly , and sellers in the market most of tin time. The week showed a nei loss of 5 cents , but todays marke is 10 to 15 higher , top $15.35 , bull of sales $0.22 to S0.30. Supply last week 51800 , a decrease o 11000 from previous week. Jacob Lichty of Merrill , Kas. brought in yesterday a shipmcn of young cattle. He apologisec ( or nnt being in before giving ai excuse that hevus kept bus ; looking after the large string o cuttle he line on feed. He is feed several hundred steers and 501 head of heifers besides 1000 heac of hogs. Unlike most stockmen Mr. Lichty expreessed himsoli to the effect that fed cattle am hogs were up to a good 15vin { price and could be handled at i profit at present prices. Bu there is one thing Mr. Lichty is little cranky about and that is ii his method of caring for his stock Some time ago he erected 01 his farm a big dipping tank at cost of $400 , which ho refers t with considerable pride. "All my cattle and hogs on thn farm are dipped now , " he said "Whenever 1 buy a string c alockei'H or feeders I dip them n soon fld I gel them home. If buy n few head of entile of one c rny neighbors , I dip them. I kee right on dipping them and I fin that the old adageof preventativ being better than cure , works wel There are skin diseases among th cattle , even in healthy herds Dipping effectually removes the * germs. The same condition exisl among hogs and by dipping thei frequently they are kept heulthfu J. A. KICKAKT L. S. Correspondent. Sluggish Liver a Foe to Ambition. You unn not accomplish very mm if your liver is inactive as you feel du your eyes are heavy anil slight exe lion exhausts you. Orlno Lu.xtiti' Fruit Syrup stimulates the liver at bowels anil makes you feel bright at active. Orino Laxative Fruit Syrt does not natneate or gripe anil is mi anil very pleasant to take. Orlno more effective than pills or ordinal l- cathartics. Refuse substitute ; . F cr at Moore's Pharmacy. r- Harlow can give you for yoi Sunday dinner sweet potatoe turnips , parsnips , onions , cabba < and lettuce. THE ORIGINAL HONEY LAXATIVE HONEY and TAR Cures Coughs , Colds , Croup , La Grippe , Asthma , Throat In the , and Lung Troubles. Prevents Pneumonia and Consumption YELLOW PACKAGE For Sale at Dr. Moore's Pharmacy , Falls City , Nebr. You Will Prosper in the Great Southwest In Oklahoma , Indian Territory and Texas arc vast areas of unim proved land Innd not now yield ing the crops of which it is cap able. The Bame conditions apply to the towns. Few lines of busi ness 'ire adequately represented. There are openings of all sorts for mills and factories , for small ploree , for banks , newspaper and lumber yards. You have only io gel on the ground to prove this. To enable you to do so the Mis souri , Kansas and Texas railway offer Rates Cheaper Than Ever Feb. 6th and 20th March 6th and 20th On above JaU'H most lines will ell both one-way and round trip ickets al exceptionally low ratee. f your nearest railroad agent can- ot give you the rates , write me or particulars. If you're in any way interested HI the .Southwest , I'd like to send you my paper "The Coining Conn- try. " Address W. S. ST. GEORGE. General Passenger Agent 550 Wainwrlght Bldg. St. Louis , Mo. Tickets are on salt1 everywhere , via Missouri - souri , Kansas and Texas Railway. Burlington Bulletin. MARC B 1900. Into the Northwest : Now is he time to go at cheap rates on one of thn Burlington's two daily hrough trains to Montana , Puget Sound and Portland. You don't know how cheaply you can buy a one way colonist ticket. Ask the agent. Special Homeseekers * rates : March (5th ( and 20th very low round trip homeseekers' rates into the North Finite Valley , the Big Horn Basin , also into the South west. west.To To The Sunny South- Very attractive winter tourist rates doily until April 80th to n large number of Southern resorts. Irrigated Lauds : Better get hold of nn irrigated farm for your self or your son while there \B \ yet time ; irrigoted lands have increas ed from 100 to 200 per cent in value in the last few years. Send for our publication on irrigated luuls , free. To Gal forum : Very cheap one way tickets daily to California un til April 7th. Through tourist sleepers. Pacitl'c Coast : Better make the grandest tour in the world the tour of the coast this spring and summer. First excursion April 2(5th ( to May 5th inclusive. There will be very low , daily , round trip California and Puget Sound rates through the summer. Write me just what trip you have in mind and let me advise you the least cost and the best way to make it. G. Stewart , Agent 0. B. & Q. Ry. L. W. WAKELUV , U. P. A. , Omaha. 113-41 Anti-Saloon Campaign. Anti-saloon campaign will be gin promptly at 8 p. in. , March 13,1906. Darnell will start the saloon after the ice man. W. H. MADDOX , Chairman anti-saloon league. Burlington irrigated Lands A Sure Thing ! Special Homeseekers' Rates : On February (5th ( and Mari'h Otji and 20th the Burlington makes vry low excitr. HOII rates to the Big Horn Basin , the North Plattp Valley and Eastern Colorndo. Keep Ahead Ot the Movement : The Government work is under full headway towards putting water on two hun dred thousand acres of land adjacent to the Burlington road , at an average cost of $25.00 It is possible today to secure homestead lands nlongthese great ditches , in advance of the water. You can also buy from private concern ? , very fine irrigated linds , under a full and permanent water supply , at prices ranging $25.00 to $40.00 an acre. The history of western irrigated lands shows that their value has increased over one hundred per cent in the past few years. There are areas of irrigated lands in the west that cannot be bought today for $1500.00 an acre. It Will Pay YOU to get interested in irriunlMl laud , and to get in touch with the land agents in the North Plotte Valley , the Big Horn Basin , the Billings , Montana district or Eastern Colorado. If you will write me for irrigation literature descriptive of any of these localities , I will mail it to you free , together with a list of land agents. L. W. WAKELEY , G. A. STEWART , General Passenger Agt. . Ancnr. Omaha , Neb. CITY MEAT MARKET We handle all kinds of fresh and salt meats. Poultry. Fish and Game in season. Home made lard , pure and RWP I , < > nr long suit. Oysters , Celery , Kraut , Pickles , &c. We pay the highest markst price for Poultry , Hides end Fat Stock. We kill all our own meat nnd handle nothing but the \vry best. We solicit a share of your patronage. J. B. RAMEL , Propr. HECKS FEED STORE Just received a cor of Ground Oil Cake which I will sell at § 33.00 per ton. $3400 per ton in one-half ton lots and $1.75 per hundred for less uuantities. Plenty of Climax Chick feed , just the stuff for little chicks. Satisfaction guaranteed or money re funded. Flour , Bran. Shorts , chop feed , grain of all < kinds , B'lled Hay and Straw , Coal arid Wood , Lump > Rock and Ground Rock Salt , Michigan barrel salt. Also gulden setds and onion sets. CO H ECK'S FEED STORE CO A Good Watch ! Is a necessity to every man who would succeed in life. The kinds we sell are guaran teed to give you one of man's strongest assets punctuality if you will obey them. Only standard and reliable movements find place here and we willingly guarantee them to be accurate time keep ers. Cases plain , simple and ornate in either Gold , Silver or Gun-m tal. Velicate and complicated re pairs are a specialty here. R. E. JSQUET. Falls City , Nebraska. A Favorite Remedy ( or Babies. Its pleasant taste and prompt cures Iwvo mude ChHinberhiln' Cough Rem edy u favorite with mothera of small ehillreu. It quickly cures their coughs uud colds mid prevents any danger of pneumonia > r other , so.rioua consequence. It noi only cures croup , but when clven us soon as the croupy cough appears will prevent the at tack. For sale at Kerr's Drug Store. atop * cowtfn and he ! i FARMERS ! Who have the heat Orchards \ and the finest fruits are they \ who patronize the \ Falls City Nursery. I Disappointment surely awaits tbe man that expects to buy anything better than the fruits we offer for this springs planting. Phone , 218. IWmMohlerl j Legal Notice. lu the lllclmnlson counly district court , Stnto of Nebniskii Uesslo Itobcrts , Vlalntltr. vs. Jrsse A. Itoberts , Defendant. Tne defendant , Jcssu Itoberts , Is horouy notified tutu the plaintiff , Ilessle Itobcrts. did , on the 17th day of February. 1000 , lllo her petition In tlio district court of Itlchurd- son county , Nebraska , against you , the object und prayer of which , Is to obtain a decree by said court dissolving tno bonds of matrimony now existing between you and her , on the grounds of non-support of her and her child , and that you arc a common drunkard and gambler. You uro fuitbcr notified that unices jtju plead answer or demur to eald petition onorteforo the 9th day of April , 1908 , the same will bo taken pro confesso. and u decree of divorce us prayed , will bo cnte d accordingly. KEAVIS i UKAVIS. llt Att'ys for Plalntltl. for chlldnnt tafm , ur . No oplattt