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IMPRfSSING TIlE lA\I1UR \ [ I
Bv CLAUA NOA2TbN
( Copyright / IIO ! , IIv 1"lIy BLur ) 1'1111. ( "I < j
NOOI vl3
I was Il rattling \ good stenographer.
I IUn very stylish , with Il swell 110m.
Jlldollr ] , stud tho/'o / wits not Il girl \ In
the olllce that cOllld put IIIJ as fllle a
display of catchy toggery. 1\ly clothes
were simply stunu lug. ( I Illn not
IlHhnmed of lilY walk , fund my style Is
something everybody / admlt'es. I sup '
pose because everybody appreciates a
real lady \ ( when they see OliO. I was
the real thlllg In the olllce , and whatever .
ever 1 said , went Ills Nibs admired
my work / , although ho called mo
down sometime ! just , of course , to
show who ho WIIS. I have great individuality
'dlvldllnlily In all thlllgs and while
ho Intimated many times that my
spelling differs front the dictionary
IUlll that the plnces I found for com
man IlIIII question marIa and capital
letters were / decillellly InjudIcIous , I
know that ho secretly admIred my
jllllgment.
I believe heartily In IlIdlvllluallly.
I choono my hats to bring out my
profile } , and 1 have my skirts ! cut to
bring out the lines of my figure. I
have a good figure / , and It Is much
Ullmll'ell. When I go hy most everybody .
hOlly tlll'lln anti looks after IlIO for
hlocles.
Sometimes , though , I am thought.
less 1 suppose , because I have so
many thlllgn Oil my mInd. OliO clay
when I was called for dictation 1 left
my gum Oil a chair instead of putting
It. III \\'aHtehalwl. ! . And the hIgh
Mogul , like the Stllllill creature ho Is ,
sat 011 It When ho got up the gum
stuck (0 ( his trousers , and the chair
stuck to the gum. realizing what
coulll ho the mutter , I IUllghed. Along
with being stylish , I have a sense of
hllmor. Ile Is It puffy man allli not
at all considerate for a real lally's I
feelings. lie swore at l1Ie. Being a
huly , I said nothing In return , because
I coullln't think of anything to say.
.
If I had It to 110 over I would tell
him It fow. lIe called 1110 to his office
and sent for the cashier IUIII told
him to pay 1110 mr weel < 's salary In
advanco. lIe was very polllo. lie
,
was trying , you see , to fix It np for
swearing lit me. I took the money
Then ho told mo that ho did not need
my services and , furthermore , that I
need not expect a recommendation
from him. lie knew ho couldn't get
anything hut those dreadful , frowzy
SlOllogl'llllu'I's that persist so In liv'
lng , and ho wanted to lllaco mo In
frro
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I' r
. I am very stylish.
such a position that I would bo compelled .
polled to COl1l0 back and work for
him. When ho saId gooll-llro ho fall'
Iy smiled in hIs efforts to . make It up
with mo.
I bowed coldly to him and tucked
the money away for the chiffon boa
that I hud been planning on.
I boarded with Mrs. Milling , who
used to be a stenographer herself be-
Lore she got married But she lost
so much style that J guess she
I
couldn't get a position , so rite rents
out a cOllplo of rooms In hem flat. I
had one of th'l1I. She Is It woman
without tact. 1\108t women have 11 lit' !
tie tact , hilt 1\lrs. ll11lng has none.
s. 0 has a way of hurting her board
ors' feelingH. Site asls them for her
noney. And , mlllll you , not once or
twice ai' three times , hut she keeps
on asking until she gets It. Really she
Is without shnnw.
Although I wore my chiffon boa
and 1IIIIIo quite ) a splash , there were ,
somehow , HO many of those sloppy
creatures willing to work for half
nothing that there was no place open
for a lady. 'Veels passed , and I
cOIIIII get nothing to do. Then Mrs
Milling got on her car and got so insulting .
sultlng that I decided to leave her
rather than lose my tempoI' But ,
mind you , she wOllldn't let mo go
unless I left my trunl , and she
wouldn't let me slay with my trunk
unless ! I paid hel' She threw signifi
cant hints nt lite. She had her brazen
nerve along with her allrlght , all'
I'lghl. She snlll she thought a strong ,
healthy young lady that could cat the
three square mellls she saw me put
away coulll certainly help her with
the housework and work out what I
owed hm' I was UII against a fierce
III'OposlLlon. She got out an old cotton .
ton wrallller for mo and I was floored.
I went Into the lellchen. It was my
tragedy. It was dreadful.
1'he only things I can cook are po ,
tatoes. I flatter myself on having a
ce'CWilY ! \ of cooking them. I boll
them not until they arc done , hut tui
tIl IJCOlllo are really for them. As
ICOlllo were ready for them sometimes -
times after I put them on the stove
or half an hour after they had fallen
to pIeces , my career In the ltchen I
was really Interesting 1\lrs. Milling
flllrly caved around allll what she dill
to mo was n'lllenty.
It was at this time I became Illter-
estod In the janltOl' The janitor was
Il1\mal'l'lell and young and as big as a
trolley ( ' 01' . I met him in the lanrlllr ' .
lIe were lovely ties , anll whGmt : ho was
dressed UII and all the street he was
a swell piece of furnitul'e. 110 had a
dignified , lQr ullslvo way about him I
'
and ho was just a dear.
I knew from the way that he
smashed lids on the garbage cans and
shoveled old l'ag-mclI out of the base'
mont and yelled at delivery boys and
bossed the moving vans at the side
entrance that ho was a man very
much ahove his joh. lie seemed not
only to own the \lerllllg flats hero on
earth , but he intended to take them
with him when ho died. Bo seemed
to have a deeded right to the freight ;
elevator and light : shaft. All the folks
In the building foil all over themselves '
selves to prove that they not any respected .
speclell hIm as friend ! and brother ,
but rovorell him as hIgh Mogul. The
railroad clerk In the top flat was
afraid of him and would have named
the baby after him if It hadn't been
a gIrl. A lady III the second flat
named ! her dog after him. So when
wo called 13111 , " it was the dog alone
that usually responded.
At this time I was going with Char-
ley Tappcl' , the drug cIerI I never
liked Charley. lIe had no money and
ho was an all-round fourllusher. But
ho put UI such : a swell front that we
paired ! off nicely , and I rather enjoyed -
joyed being seen with him. But the
janitor had him sldnnod to death when
It came to looles. I began to think
that if the janitor and I could wall
around the block together or out to
the park in our Sunday togs wo woulll
certainly make a hit. No one need
know that ho was a janitor. You
wOllld never guess it unless you : were
told. You would have planked down
your dollars lint ho was a trust mil-
1I0naire. He looked just like ono. The
only difference was ho dIdn't have
the monOj'
The servants in the buildings were
daffy about him. A big Swede girl made
sley.bluo sofa pillows for him. A pUdgy
German gIrl waited on him with
needle and thread , sewed on his but'
tons and hung around hIm like a little -
tle poodle. , A small , lI1sQ"llced.
Irish girl loaded him with snapshots 1
and tintypes .of herself. Besides , ho
had the nrrectlc : ate ! merest of casual .
uul washwomen and scrubwomen
that Infested the butldlng. Everyone < :
seemed to crowbar after him with
brazen gall. Among other things , Jw
'
was a cold jnnitom' lie had a strong
sense of propriety and talked a great
deal about the wcathor. lie never let
one of them know l where she was at
lie had them all guessing.
Now I urn clever. 1 have been interested .
torested in clothes as far hack liS 1
can remember , and I have good Ideas.
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L1i I 'j'ijrgii ' ' _
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The Janitor.
Of course , not all the Lime , hut most
generally , I ant awfully clover. I
think the only way to win a man's
affections is to mal\O hlt.1 walt on
you a lot and be sort of girlishly
thoughtless about asking him to do
so. I did not make sofa pillows for
him nor sew on his buttons nor bestow .
stow my picture upon him. nut I had
a regular method of keeping I him in.
torested In me. I wOllld whistle for
him through the speaking tube and
ask him to cOllie UI ) . When he had
climbed three flights of st.lrs to our
kitchen : door I wOllld ask him for the
correct time. Then I wOlllll set my
watch at whatever time he said it
was. And when I would tell him
that was nil I wanted ho would smile
in the queerest way and . anyone could
see that he respected mo more and
more By the time he reached the
basement I would whistle down to
find out If the Iceman had rome 'ot.
1'hen In a few minutes I would
whistle down again to find out If he
.
please wouldn.t send up some more
steam And after a while I would
call him tip again and ask him if he
would come tip and turn on one of
the radiators. When he was around
I would prattle to him. 1 am a good
talker , and when I want to I can he
very entert.alnlng I told him about
my profession , how much of a lady
I am and how I have my mother's
Ideas and mJ' father's wall" And ho
would slllile and be so Intel'ested
I have a pleasant sense of humor ,
and the janItor got so he would joke
with me. Tine pastJ'.facel1 Irish girl
turned green. My refined ways are
the despair of most everybody and I
made those kitchen mechanics fairly
hum.
I was in the laundry one day when
the Irish girl came In and disputed
impertinently over my right to the
clothesline at that particular hour on
that particular dar. She stated that
I
she would take a fall ont of me. I am
not a coward , and I stood IlIJ' ground I
brnveh' In other words , she dllln't
faze me a lilt , and I dared her to
come on. She doubled tip her fists
and made for me She landed an uppercut .
per-cut on my jaw like a man. Most
girls maIm for your hair with one
hand and for your eyes with the 0th.
er , so that I was not prepared for
her unladylike attack. But I man'
aged to get away without leaving
more of myself wIth her than my neck
ribbon and a few strands of my hair.
The janitor had heard my screams ,
and ImQwlng my voice , of course , he
came to the rescue But the Swede
, girl and a scrubwoman butted in.
When I started to faint in the jani-
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tor's arms my dress caught on the
scrubwoman's bucket and the Swede
made a grab for me. But nevertheless
I keeled l over against the man's blue' .
jean d bosom and tied my breath up
In knots and let them have a few
gasps Ilt a Ume. .
As I said , I am very clever. It
took a long tune for me to be reo I
stored. In the meantime , they car'
Tied mo to the freight elevator In the C
back part of the basement and they {
laid me In It with a gunnysack under
my head. I began to sob. Then they . I
pulled the ropes and the elevator
went tll Into such a cold draught or
air that I began to sob in earneat.
My earnest sobs do not sound nearly
so pretty as my imItation sobs. I
learned how to sob at the theater I
learned a great deal about clothes and - . . . . . . - . . -
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everything at the theator. When 1
hand out my imitation sobs 1 seem I
somehow to he deliverIng the real I
goods. uu _ _ _ , _ _ . . J 1
They pulled the rope again , and the "
elevator went up and up. It shot - . + . . . I" f "
past 1\11'8. MillIng's flat. It shot past 7
all other fiats and I was brought face . ,
to face with the skylight I was i'
alone wIth the gunnysack , and It was 1
cold and dismal and lonesomo. I
crIed and sobbed as If my heart would (
break. Back doors opened inquir (
ingly and closed heartlessly. Finally t
they Jet It down a few feet. Just as .f s ,
I was growing hopeful they raIsed II
again and left it midway between
two fiats. Then they gave it a vi j
cious jerk and brought It down IJ
few feet more. It was droadful. They .
let It down and then jerked it up and . . . . 1
let It down In a zlz-zag fashion. They \
were as deaf as posts to my crios. , s
Just about the time the last breath
was leaving mJ' body they returned - .
mo to the hnsement. I rose and \
stepped from the elevator to wreak " 'jilt. '
vengeance upon my tormentors. The "
principal object that I was after was , j
of course , the Irish girl. I intended ,
to wipe the floor up with her. -1 j
I found them all in the laundry "
with the janItor standing guard. " - . . .
'rhey were all giggling Mrs. 1\111I .
ing was there too. 1'0 all appearances
site also had been laughing. A lady , .
can never trust another of her own
sex. She then told me that my ac ,
count with her was square and that I
I could take my trunk whenever J . . ;
lII\Od. I left them then and there. It -
is best for a true lady to take no notice . ,
tice of such trash. I dressed up and . .
started out with my chiffon boa to
get anything I could find I have a
'
courageous spirit.
A gentleman at once saw , my worth ,
and I am now head lady in a restaurant
I
, taurant I have a date tonight with
' Charley 'I'apper. He Is such a manly
'I
fellow and has such a quantity or
sense. 'We are going to swell out in : .c
our glad rags and go to It show.
J
Mme. Loubet's Simple Nature.
The late 1\Imo. Loubet was 90 years -
old One of M. 1..0ubel's first thoughts / '
on being named president of France . . .
was to send her a photograph enlarged .
larged to IIfsslze , In 11 handsome gilt
frame , to lie hung up In her parlor- . . I
this on learning that the old lady
preferred to remain as she had lived , ; ; . . . . " , - .
on her farm rather than to come and " r . .
share the splendors of the ElYf'ee. Replying - f
plying once to a friend who congratu- ,
hated her on her son's elevation , Mme.
1
Louhot raised her eyes , and , pointing m
j
to a portrait , remarked : "No' doubt
you knew my husband. In my old ago J
1 have the happiness of thinking tha' j . ' ;
my son resembles him."l. ) , ,
The Passing of Italics. . . . . .
The great days of italics were In
the ' 30s of last century , whQn , the Lon-
don Figaro began its ! crItIcIsms of
politics , the drama and socIety. Then
every other word was itllllcised , and ' "
the effect today is as though every .
other word were a shrlel Until time
80s women retained the habit of un , 1
derllnlng all but the prepositions and ,
conjunctions in their letters , and
there are still many women journal' ,
Ists who cannot get along without , .
the stimulus of Italics. But in reality - (
a writer needs italics about as often
as he needs a. Turkish bath