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> : Making Money.
' " " ' 11" lon't you lIiulw l11oney ? " I11Y
' . 1'f : II'JIII HIIY to ate ,
, Am 1 tell thl'm I Iln oat l'\Iow ! Lott
' 'l hen thl' y tit ' e me the InuI1Illlel till'
gentle "eotnl' off "
Ant ! thl' Hlallgy "Whnt's Ballot you
now 1"
/1.
Il ' 1 ' hey : Say : 1 coule ! tIn It , l9 l'I\sy a9 lint
1f 1 tt orled ! IIIw the fulln\\11 ttho tII ! ; ,
That 1't ' e got "Ii much 1'1'111\0 Uli many
t they Imow
) y : " 'ho hn\'o gathered IIIlIlIon 01' itt o.
' 1 ' lU'y : f'0 } ' It 111 e:19enoUglt to Ret I'lcll
1f II flIow will only WOl'k hard ! ,
{ , Xn mutter tt hatet ' er the ! field of his 1011-
! Iu lullwllYII , IlIulIICCIi QI' IIIi'll ,
'rhe ' gay t hl\\'o brains and n. good ! glCl
oC gstU
Ant ! success In the making oC CI'lcmli ;
That 1 oUKht > to make atones and ! tame ,
for II man
" , ' Is kllown Lt' the money ho I'lIeneIi !
, ' 1 hcy tell me these things with Il cOlln- (
dent air ,
Ant ! I'm ante they belle\'e what they
gay. :
For they j\ ' when t tell them 1 can not
because
' 1'111' LOI't d ! tldn't' ! hulll mo thai tt ay.
a
But It'li tl'ue. ugt the Slime , and these
CI'II'IIIIH wulllll'I'laugh
If I : 'nld lhlll I cool < ln't wl'lte'I'I''IO '
Or tII ! , other ! < IUlllli In thc l'I'II'hll't ! IIC art
" 'hol'u wenlth llin't measured ' 1)t' IIIII'HO.
The poet , the painter , the sculptor Is
bm ' n-
111' clln'l matte Himself othertt ice " ,
No matter how hard ho Holy tear ' ! , nor
how IOIlIr
III' mst ) ' struggle tll will the fnh' IJI'Itc. :
' ; '
And 1'0 'with the genlllli who plies 1111 his
pile
Unlll hI' has millions to 'IJlare '
: Unlev4 hI' Is born wllh the spoon In his (
mouth
You can het ho will net ' er get thel'c
J - ( ' olller'aVeelay. ' .
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BAGLfY'S BURGLAR
BY "KARL"
M I . '
l
John Bagley got his feet very wet
. the other day during n. downpour In
the city ; hut as the weather was still
harm he reclwd little of colds AU
" day he trotted about his office , and
. , , \ when night came he went snlffilng I
; 11 homo to Mrs. Bagley ,
, He tool some quinine and two
, glasses of whisky , and then grew nerv-
I ous Then Dit s. Baglcy told him-or
. .
' " he thought so-when they were In the
dining room , to put a few grains of
I chloral In a tumbler of water and ,
} after he had drool Ie the contents of
that tumbler he'd sleep IIIte a top.
"M ' head's spinning like one now , "
t he said , plaintively.
"For real bablness , " snorted 1\Irs.
, , Bagley , "recommcnd me to a nian
" ' Here 'ou've got n tiny little cold In
1 your head and chest , and you imagine
+ 'ou'\'e got consnl1lptlon. Never In my
- --j " ' life did I see such a hnh ' , "
' / "I suppose , " said Bagler , meeiay , r.s
, , I
1
. . , .
' .
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.
r
, +
'I '
, fir ' , ,
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. - =
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. p4t/ '
"t iy head's spinning like one now , " he
said plaintively
he carefully measured out the chloral
into a tumhlel'-"I suppose this chlo
rat won't hurt me ? "
"Who told you to take chloral ? " de ,
mended 1\Irs Bagley , Imperiously.
J "n'hy , you did. "
"For heaven's sake , man I-that
whisky has gone to y 'our bead 1
f never opened my mouth about chlo-
ra ] . "
Bag ) ey's eyes t , 'ere starting ! from h s
, . r
, M ,
: ,
I
head. lie was lc.alang ntII'R : , lhtglcy I
In sheer aHtollshlllt'lIt ! lIt\ ! cI"IIIIII't
motto trend ! our tall oC It ; null ho rca
sollt'el that ho must have been ! ! intuxi-
calt'll or dreaming , and brut 1111 111 1 8titlt-
: tbly beau mistaken when ho tholl ht. :
she I'CCOIl1I11'llIloII ch 101'111.
"PilL that glass hllck In the cloRUt ] , '
Raid 11's. . Bllgle
And , still wonde\'lng In his hoCltel- '
dIed brain , he put Ihe glllss burl into
the closet , Slll"llI more chloral out or
the vial into It , liS he dill so
When ! her had ranched the top ) or
the stalrR , Hagll' buthaught.htnt era
a I\1l1slllnl Illaslcl'
"I 1 thin ! \11 \ get the two small 1I1ns.
lard plasters In the bathroom , " hc sold ,
,
"and pat 'om on fora Cow IIIhlI11m ; "
" ' 1'llcr'ro gooll and strong , " vests
dirs. I Bagley'R sole comment , as her
SIOIlSO ) tattled the I wo tlllY eacite
meat creators gingerly Into the beet
1'001\1.
He pat ) one 011 either side oC his
chest , anti then-
'l'hORt plaslm's ] took held , 'l'hcI'o
was no tlmttlllr , no Inllct'lslon , no lack
of 111'Ompllll1ll0 in their wo\'I 'J 1 he i
very rapidity oC their t Ilt tack almost
dazed him and he looped out of the
window with a , set , Hilly look on his
face
Then he Celt a great thirst come lip'
on trim So mach whisky parches the
throat , he thought ; and how nice allll
cool , how deliciously ] comforting , how
tremendously soothing would n carafe
of wlltel' tasle , irrigating the 111'1ed'lIlI
desert of his tlu uut.
So he olwnell the bedroom door , and
was gl'Oplnl- ; his way along the hall ,
when a pall' of muscular al'l\1s callght
him round t + ho waist , hanged him to
the floor , and n. burly fOl'm Slit astrIde
him.
"Bllrglal's , " he thOllg1t ; , and the perspiration -
spiration began I\new \
" 'he\'o 110 you Iwcp save , money ? "
aslted the btu glar.
"lieu , 'oll'\'e \ ' e Hitting plump down
with aU your might on two of the hottest -
test mustard plasters that ever deviled
a hUl11l1n beta ! ; , " gasped Hagle
" 'Veal' mUHtal'll plaster , do ) 'ou'l"
asled the 13nrly One , sympathetlcl\l1
"I 1 used to wear 'em once. Once a fellow -
low , pal of mine-but I'll begin at the
beginning - "
"For JII\"S \ sake , " wailed Bagley ,
"let me tape these plasters off I'll
open ) ) the safe for you , tie Ull the silver .
do anything , only let l l11e take the 1I1US'
card plasters off "
"Nut fO fast , my boy , " muttered the
burglar " 1'11 get off your chest , turn
01) lmll's.e'e on ) 'oulInd then you put
your hands above your head and pilot )
me to the safe. I'll tell you what to do
tben. "
The Burly One rose to his feet and
poor Bagle followed suit. Then ,
writhing with pain , his hands straight
up In the air , and the blll1's.o 'o Ian
tern throwing Its powerful rays on his
head ( a fit halo for a tortured martyr ) ,
Bagley led the procession ) of two Into
thc sitting room and stopped before
lhe "afe
"Now , man , by all you hold dear In
this world let l11e lake the mustard
plasters off , " and Bagley dropped to
his ! areas In front or the safe , the tears
of agony roiling down his face.
"Ollcn the safe , " grinned his perse-
cmor , "and you can take one plaster
oft. "
The fires of fur UIlIllICl1chaho ] Aetna ,
of . river of oil ' , .
n. boiling , 01' a never
ceasing Hades , were devouring Boa
lay's ureast. Almost blinded by the
tears that would come , whether he
willed or not , he tried the lock. Twice
his haste reacted against ; him , and he
was forced to begin anew. 1'he third
attempt and the sofa door opened ,
With a glad cry Bagley's hands went
to his chest , but a grip of strong fin
gars about his throat and the gleaming
barrel oC a pistol pointing within a
wink or his eye caused the hands to
drop ) nervously beside him.
" } { eep cool , " said his guest. " ] ' 11
take the plasters off meselt , " and suiting .
Ing the action to the word the Burly
One pulled one of the plasters from
Bagley'e quivering chest The chest
was 'arnationcd and horribly purry.
"Stand with your back to me and
soar } jands , above your head A little
to the ] alt . please There , that will do
.
very nicely , l1\11rlli you. Nutt' , I'll sec
whnt , ran hl\\'l' of \1\1111. "
"l3ut the other IIII1Hter' glllilHJlI litg '
1 cy.
. .
nnlill lilt ! other phtsirr ) ! " said 1h. t '
burglsu ' . "I'll put This I OliO III lilY
poclwt , nllll hI 'nso you fl't'l chilly III
} ' our IIlghtliowlI I'll club \I \ nil soot ,
hll'I Putt 11011'1 fret cnlll , 110 , run ? "
ho 1111111'11 : ! o 11 < 'I Iou sir ,
"I 1 lIe\'el' felt WlI1'lIIel' 111 my lift , '
quickly \ 1'espolIllI'll Bngh'y. !
'I'ho harsher , ' eel , hlR thnu tutu
nearly e\'f'I'ylhlll ; 1lso worth tnldtlg'
"Nato , " ho RIIIII , 111 a crisp business
tOile , "Iet's ROO what wo Levu I II0wII
IItnh'H. "
"J\II'thln I Lava In the world I'll
give , " said Bnglur , hoarsely , "if rOIl'1I
ollly tetra this othm' IllaHtm' : orr. I'm
dying , man-thlH Is killing me. I'm
helllg blll'llell to a crisp before your
very CrOll Como II0WII stairs 1llIlclilr.
Lot me give yon the Cllt glass ant ! the I
silver-rtnythiug , everything ! is yours
If 'oll'lI ugly tal\ this other 1111Slor {
Offrr
" : phut 1111 , " rudely sal.1 . the gncst ! t ,
"I 1 don't want ut ' cry cue within II mile !
to bent } ' ou . Como flown stairs , tit ! 11)1 )
till hOI\1e \ , surd I I'll talcu the other
blister maker 00' of rOil. "
DOWII rater , , , ; thhy WJllt. 1'a,11 ) Il off !
take It off ! " wallcll Hagler
The Burly Olle , vary slowly , and ns
If cn eying hugely thc tOJ'ment of his
victim , palled ) off \ the l'el1Jnlnlllg pills-
ter Then Bagle ) collllllscd III Il little
heap on the floor.
Ieallwhlle the burglar torts settles
his IIUllllor ) 111 shape.Vhen ho wits
ready 10 dcpart : t , he bent over the UII'
conscious Bagley and held II mustard t
plaster to the HufferOl"s lIose rhe l'f'
feet was ma lIetlc , Bagle tons on his
feat In an InHtant , dared , but that
oughts olive 10 the fact thaI. his IIn-
wclcomo guest was asking for Home ,
tnlnl-
"What 110 you want nary ? " queried
BnJ.rley
"Somelhlnl- to cat and \ Romclhlll 10
,
drlnl , " calmly HpOllllell the 13nrly ] I
OIlC. "I'm hungry antI thirsty. lltu I ' ry I
It up too , 01' I'll clap these Oil you
again , " and ho throw down the nmH-
tal'll plasters 011 the dining tllhle.
Bagle needed 110 second ! hilldln ,
lie was beginning 10 feel hettel' 110
was gaffe Rare hlR cold \\'a8 cared ,
anti he and lhe hlll'glnl' fetched tlte
cold meat from the IJI\ntl'Y and
brought It into the dining . room. The
burglar showed himself a master at
cflr\'llIg "Useel to he a carver In a
restaurant , " ho salll "I 1 carved the
,
boss one day . "
And BnJle instead of shllllderln .
laughed heartly [
"LeI's hove some beer , too , " said
Bagler , Jleefull ;
"N'ow 'ou'I'e talking , " said the
guest. "Gut your glasses { and I'm with
) 'OU , "
The Leer was In the pantry hut the
glasses were In the china closet , and
to the china closet BaJley went. lie
plclicd up the two glasses nearest him ,
and then-thcn he almost fell to the
toot ' went crashing
as a mighty thought < : -
Ing and crunching and hurling through
his little hraln. One of the Klasses In
his hand had chloral ! -a big dose of
chloral !
"I'll get the beer now , " 1JC said
"All right , " responded the Burly
One ; "hut hurry It up , for I've got 11
thll'tjt ou "
It was the wet it ot n. minute for
Bagley to pour n bottle or beer Into
the two glasses and to bring in two
extra bottles beslllcs. The chloral
beer ho handed to the Imrglar.
"Here's to the mustard plasters , "
saId the burglar , lifting his glass and
grinning.
"A nd here's a good sleep ! to yon
after your night's work , " said Bnglc , .
also grinning ,
And they both drank.
A scowl flashed across the Burly
Ono's race. "Your ueer's been kept
too long. Tastes mouldy , " he said.
"Yes , " said Bagley , turning up his
nose disdainfully : "tastes over ripe.
Better than nothing , though "
Bagle"s Louse coat was hanging on
the back ot the Burly ] One's chair
" ! 'ctr'l ! find cigars in there If ! sort care
to smoke , " he .said.
The burglar fished In the coat pocket
_ _ _ . . _ _ . . . _ . . _ _ _ . . . _ . _ _ . . . . . _ , . . . w. . . . . . , . . . . . . , -
_ . _ _
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_ _ . _ _ _ . . . _ . _ _ _ .
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In 1\ : 1t''JI sort of fnohlnn nnd found
It d igur , tin route It out. slowly IUIII
nf.l'll : Oil II 111 II t-IollJllln : sort of wny.
'I ' hcn ho hit ! elf the 1'1111 soul 111\111011 \ t
Ilu ! dgllr ; Oil Iliu lahlu nhull'tllily , at
II' 1\\ \ 1IIIIn'\ \ , Iwow lxnl'll tt hut to 110
will It , II. ila I upcnbd bin uyeq heavily
and } ; nzcd blankly ul I IInglt' y . 'I'h'n Ito ! ,
POlil'c\ ] \ his ryc ' y and thl'lI soused 1'lmII ; !
IIl1g" ' y \\1I1i 011 his c't In 1111 IlIslllnt
and enl Into ! lilt' kitchun lie inane I
till e1olhl'slltlll and with It hurtled lu
I ihr I IlInlng.room , lit hulled 'IJIlclt the
' "
I 'h"II' un whll'h the Burly Ono \\1\ "
I
I SllH\llln , IIIIIIIII ! II. "licit vary gently
I HIIII his ! ; tl'Rt ! slippwi \ , . 10 the /loor. /
quickly IIlIglt ! tied those , hugo leg
togc tt hOl' , not unto 1"twice \ , but
Ihl'f11 ! tlllleH. flu rolled the sleeper
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II I { .4 .
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Y /
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- - . . .
rI II _ .s
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/ II I )
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s- rx - -
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- Ges.ca-
"Those plasters are mighty powerful ; " s
ventured Bagley sympathetically
ali one would n lot I ; , 1'hnn , the loge
I'lJemel ) ' 1111111111 , ogles ! ! took 011' the
hlll'glur'R coat , wlIltlcoat ; surd flAnnel , I
shirl. MolsllIllllK ! each of the mUHlllrd
\lhlHter8 \ he "lallpocI : them on the maH-
Hive chest , and then , liS the IlncltmllJ
swathed a mammy , HO tiltl Bulley
Hwalho with clothes ! line the hilmi-
maio form II ( thut hurglur Pm'sillr-
lng , thllllllI ; hnllllY , Bstgley , by way of
eclohrat ins the event , lit Booty laM.jct ! :
III ! the room , put ) on his house coat , lit
a cigar WWII watched with glistening
eyes the lII1efJual fight between chloral '
and mustard IIIuHtor8
It \\'Ufl 1111 uncllual light. The Burly
One gnvo It slight shudder ! , then a big-
gm' one , hon IL bigger 'et-then open-
ee1 his eycli.
" ' ! ' ! rasa lllastcrs are mighty pnu er-
ful , " venltU'HI Bagle , pathellcally
'rho hurglnl' vouchsafed not a word.
Once 01' twice he struggled , hut soon
HIIW that IL thousand soars : oC endeavor
Gould not. loosen one strand of the
curd 'I hen the penlllll'ation began
to roll Ilown his facc ,
"Wonderful , Isn't ! It ? " said Bagley.
Do yon notice how the Ceellng or .
wnrmth spreads from the chest to
the feet utilI from thence to the hillS ? "
,
The Hurly One kept his ( peace ThreQ
o'clock strucl .
"Pardon me , " Bald Bugley , "It 1
don't treat you with the courtesy duo I
to n. guest h rom his host , hut 1 must
go upstairs and get 11 wlnlt of slcep. I
I'U be bacle about 5 o'clocl , because
I'm afraid the servant might be frightened "
ened It Mlw saw you hero In this undlg" I I
pitied ! attitude on the fioor. Allow mo
10 gag you a bit ; fO ; nh , not too tight
-I want yon 10 breathe easily , but not 1M I
call Ollt.ow I'll leave ! the things . I
sun took from the sno and the sliver
beside the beer and meat. Holt yourself - I ,
self , and he perfectly comfortahle. 1
You'lI find your IlI1smolwd cigar on , !
the table here , and matches on the
Inllntelslwlt. 130 perfectly at home ,
and don't hesitate to ring for mo It '
you want an'thlng. Hope the mustard -
tal'll plaster : ! arc not chilling ) 'OU ,
Good night and pleasant dreams. " ,
And Bagle turned out the gas ,
made a low bow In the dark In the
direction of his guest , and went up
stairs to bel1.-London Opinion.
before attempting to stand hy hl8 ! . .
colors n man should first waIte sum
that be IlIn't color b11nd.
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