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About The Falls City tribune. (Falls City, Neb.) 1904-191? | View Entire Issue (July 15, 1904)
1'IIOUGIIT TASK EASY \ . " " "ATTEMPT OF CITY MAN TO MILK A COW i , Inexperienced Individual Quit the Job After Furnishing Amusement for the Farm People-Job Is One That l , " ' Requires Skill I \ I , 'l\fost city persons , " saId a million. 1111'0 amateur farmer , "labor under the , , impression that to milk n cow Is easy. . There ' could ho no greater mistake. Milking requires a peculiar move , ment of the wrIst , which , tr not ' learned In ono's youth : , seldom Is learned afterward. Some cows arc more easily mlllod than others , but even In the case of the easy ones It has to bo done In a certaIn way or not at all. I have known some Inexperienced . Ierlenced persons to acquire the movement after a few trials , but they found It Imposed such an unnatural strain on the muscles of the wrist that they seldom essayed n second . attempt "I had a young fellow from the city out at my place one Hummer who had the Idea that It was as easy to get milk as It was to drink ! : It , As a usual thIng wo don't lot an Inexperienced person try to milk a cow , for there Is nothing that will dry her up quicker . than to be made the subject of exper ! invents : but this young fellow was so dead certaIn that he knew all about It that I tool him out to the shed one evening after the cows had been stunchloned and were placidly munch. Ing their graIn , and told him to go ahead and see what he could do "When he looked at the long lIne or anImals , and saw them switching : their tails and now and then kicking I , at a fly , his heart seemed 10 fall him . " 'I can't sit down In here at the beginning , ' ho protested : 'can't wo take one of them outside ? ' In order to humor him I chased an easy ml11el' out Into the yard , and then handed him a stool and a "nil lie stood gazing al the cow thought. ! ally . " 'Well ? ' I finally asl , d. , " 'Well ? ' said he. " 1I0 looked very 11I11\\"py. 'To tell s"I you the truth , ' ho at last blurted out , "I am-e -a person of some-er- that Is-delicacy , and on such short acquaintance , you know , I-I don't I like \ to taltc- ' lie came to a dead ' 'stop " 'Bah ! ' I saId. 1'hnt apparently stung him Into ac. tlon , for he sat down on the stool like n man who seats himself In an electric - trlc chair Then ho closed his eyes and started In. A few seconds later lie opened hIs eyes , and you never saw a man so bowlldered. There was nothIng doing. He looked up at me In piteous appeal. " 'Shc-she-er-doesn't seem to .have shy , ' he saId. "Al that I laughed outright , and he got up as mad as a wet hen. " 'Now , don't get excited ; I said , soothingly. 'Let me show you how . to do It. ' . "Woll , after I illustrated to hIm how easy It was ho tried it nlnln. Ho - - _ , _ _ _ _ n _ . . n - - - . . _ _ _ . , n.rn toiled valiantly for ten minutes with. 'out result , and then , chancing to look up , ho flaw f he was providing entertainment - talnmont for practically the entire population of the farm. At that ho arose , kicked the pall against the fence and hurried Into the house to bathe his wrIsts with witch hazel " A Glorious Mansion , J praised the earth , In beauty ! seen , With garlands gay various green : 1 praised the seas , whose ample field Shone glorious as n silver shield : And earth and ocean seemed to say , "Our beauties ! are Jut ! for a day " I praised ! ; the sun whose chariot rolled -On wheel of amber and of gOld- 1 praised the moon , whose sorter eye Gleamed sweetly through the summer sky ; And moon and sun In answer said " 0111' days of light are numbered , " 4 God ! 0 Good beyond compare ! U' thus 'l'hy mcanor works are fair , It thus Thy bounties ' gild the span Of ruined earth and sinful man how glorious must the mansion be here ehy redeemed shall dwell with . -Reginald lIebeI' . , . - " s"-- " I I Weapons of Modern War I r The present war has raised , perhaps more acutely than ever before , the question how far It Is permissible to go wIth death.denllng II1Ventlon8 , . . . This recalls to nl1n:1 the mysterious In. ventlon of the great Dunllonald , which was 80 terrIble that the British government ornmont even In Its need and extremi ty shrank from employing It , and resolved - solved to keep It a profound secret lest somebody shoulll p-'Il ' It to use and \It. \ orally "stagger humanity " Dunllonalll , who was as accompli7hed in chemistry and engineering as he was formidable In conflIct , first proposed hIs device In the early Napoleonic wars , to annihi late the French fleet and fortresses at Toulon It was considered by a com suttee composed of the ! foremost army and navy authorities and Including Con greve , the inventor ! of the rocltct. The committee reported that the der vice would- undoubtedly do nil that Dlllulonnl claimed , hut with a devastating . I tatlng fury that would be Inhuman. So the government eclned ! to use It at 'foulon 01' at Flushing , When Dun- donald went to South America , the British government exacted of him a pledge that ho would not use nor di- vule his invention there , a pledge which he kept at cost of fort Itlng his lay ( from South American states In 184G , when there was fear of war with France , his scheme was again considered - ered by a British committee , which reported - ported that It would InfEalllbly annihl late a hostile fleet , but thnt time use of It would be Inhumun. Twice during the Crimean war It was considered for the reduction of Sebastopol , but though nobody doubted It would do the work effectively , It wad rejected on the same grounds an before So to this day the awful secret remains a secret , hidden r - - away In the confidential archives of the BrItish war ulUce. Now , It may be that the British gov ernment was rIght , and that Dundon' aid's Invention was too Inhumanly destructive . structlve to be usell But It seems doubtful If governments will assent to the outlawIng of any of the existing I enginery of war , 01' even of some new Inventions that may yet be perfected. , . . . . It would be absurd to de mand that warfare In the twentieth century' should be conducted with the weapons of the tenth celtury. Nor arc we sure that It would be well for humanity thus to restraIn warfare within prImitive limits , even It It could be Ilono The more terrible the engines . glnes of war become , the fewer the wars themselves become , and , strange as It may seem , the less destructive do they hecome Hannibal used weapons which would be contemptible by the side of those of the last hundred years , and his army wa ; a mere handful com pared with those ; wielded by Napoleon and. Grant and i\fuIUtc. Yet no battle of the last century can be compared ttith Cannao In destructiveness to human - man life Had Gettysburg equaled It , proportionately , not a single mall of Lee's army would have ! been left alive . AS for Waterloo , its ! slaughter seems Insignificant besides ! that of the Apu lIan field. Nor wes Callae : sIngular. The battles and the wars of old were , as a general rule , more numerous and more deadly than thos of modern times The broulsword : and the pl1um did greater havoc than the rifle and the machine gun. So , in a strange way , do deadly Inventions lessen mortality - tality , and so , with a strange literal- ness , does civilization get forward upon - on a powder cart.-New York Tribune II The SanA Man's Town I' ' Como cuddle your head on my breast , little - tie boy , And cover your drowsy eyes , And wo'll away from the laud of day To the dream land In the skies By the Shut-I''e : route we will go , little boy , J\S the purpling sun sinks down And l1ashes Its beams In golden streams And silvery shafts ! ' , to the laud of dreams , 1'lt borders the S'and Man's town , With your dear hands folded In mine , lit- tle boy , " 'e will travel to that land fair , Where the rOole-bloom ! Mmlles In the leafy aisles And the bird song fills the air , 'I'he sleepshlp waits at the port , little boy , Wth : Its snowy pinions a-gleam , And Its IIrow poInts straight for the golden - on gate , So let's go aboard or we may he late For " the wonderful land of dream 'rhen , away o'er rosy sea , little boy , Bv the light of the old north star , While the sunset dies In the golden skies , " 'e'll sail for that land afar , 0 , list to the gentle splash , little hay , or the waves against the strand , As they swiftly rIde o'er the crimson tide , While peacefully over their crest we glide Toward the beautiful slumber land ! The silvery \ moon hangs low , little boy , When the harbor bar Is passed , To the joyous strain of a sweet refrain , And We anchor In port at last Then the sand man leads us ashore , little boy , 1'0 hIs beautiful castle there , In u shady dell , where hIs minions dwell , And over the land weave a magic spell Of enchantment everywhere. Then , out for a trip we will go , little boy , Through ! this wonderful lund of dream And , side by side , we will \ take a ride Down Il roadway of chocolate cream. There are bonbon trees everywhere , little boy And an Ice cream soda lake , 'hlle the walks are made and the high- ways laid With cInnamon drops of n crimson shade And cnrJlngs ! of ' ' layer cake , 'hen the first faint flush tints the sky , little boy , And crImsons the peaceful bay , The Hhlp's Jell ! rIngs and the sand man sings : "All aboard for the land at' day ! " Then , out with the flowing tide , little boy , And over the spray and foam " 'hlle the pale stars gleam and the moon rays beam With H silvery light on the rippling stream , Till the harbor hells rings "Home ! " -New York Tribune. I [ _ Logic of the Savage . II Lord L'veden and his party of I English tourists were recently entertained . t:1lncd In Now York. Lord L'eden , who bas traveled all over the world , narrated at a dinner sonic of his ad- ventures. At one point he said : "I used to know In Australia an Intolllgent and interesting mlsslonar Ho and I were talking one day about the natives of New Guinea , and he told me how one of these natives had stumped hIm In a certain argument. "It seems that he had accosted the native , and urged him to let himself be clyllIzed " 'Dut what good ; the native asked , 'will this clvlllJatlon of yours .llo me ? ' " 'Well ; said the missionary , ' ) 'ou will cease , for one thing , to idle all I - , . ' your time away. You will learn the delights of honest labor. ' . . " 'What good will the labor do me ? ' " 'Through It you will gradually ac- cumulate money , and In time , with frugality : , you will possess much store of honestly acquired riches ; "The native was still unconvlncell. ' ' ' 'hat good will the riches do me ? ' was his next question , . . " 'They ; saId the mIssionary , 'will enable yet to cease from work at last , and to spend the rest of your days In well.earned rest. ' "The native laughed. . . . " 'It seems to me ; he said , 'that , It I dId as you say , I would be taking a mighty roundabout course to lot to the place I started from ; 'I , T r I I TICKLE : , fiRASS . EN BYRON . . WILLtAM5 Joy In Your Heart , Jest hum a chune as yer pluggln' along ; Joy In vcr heart as ye carol YOI' Bong ! Sobs only jiggle ele lend on yer back ! Doan help tel' lighten de weight 0' yer - pack ! r \ ; ; No sense tel' pine er be downcast 'Ith woe : All folkes got they's own gn'den tel' hoe ! Roll up yo eyes at de heavens 0' blue - This ! urn de glory tel' me and fer you ! Suggestive I On our way downtown this morn , . Ing we saw a doctor's sIgn. It read : : . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . , . I : ; Phil Graves , M. D. : ' . . \ v' ; 'd' ' ; ; 1'1:1 : ' f 'ti ; ; ' Now what do you think 1 of , that ? " , , f Traveling broadens the mind , edit- cates it from exclusIveness and ego. \ . , tlsm , and fills It with a storehouse or Imowlellge. Travel wIpes out false Imagination , gives reality and pro. vides one wIth 'ever.ready and enter. taming manners Who would not travel ? Where are you going the , . , - I Fourth ? W Testifying In her suit for breach at promise a fair Kansas plaintiff said of I the cruel defendant's first kiss : "When he kIssed me for the first time he saId It was the sweetest kiss he ever had. It took hIm about an hour to kIss me. " Mercy ! but there was a lot ' of fight in him , wasn't there ? , In DetroIt , says a local paper , the fire plugs have been painted red. In ) New York cIty roans and bays still predominate , but there's slxty.four t whIte bosses on the force and they call for red hald accessories. Other. wise Detroit leads ! , ' r , . 0. EASYtlowl l 1/ / ! 'III' ' ' ' . TAKING A CHANCE. I Bath tubs are being imported from ' Germany. 'Vhut's the reason ? Is not the American make slippery enough ? The Summer Vacation. Beside the billowed lake they slt- . O'el'heaa the glories of the skles- 1 J . . . Or , screened from vIew , as boarders pass , , They read love's answer In the eyes ! lIe holds her hand In warm caress , The color surges In her cheeks- Her gown IN wrinkled In a mess Beneath hIs arm , which walstward seeks ! The sun sinks lowly to Its lied , The world Is all a golden hue ! Upon his shoulller rests her head- And oh ! her eyes are . . blue and true ! Ah ! gladsome , joyous country days , When willing Love the landlord pays ! The shades of night were falling fast As through a Russian village passed , A youth who bore 'mid snow and ice , A banner with the strange device , "Tscheroffl tchsklvotch. " And that's the end ot the poem , be- : aU8e the Japs got him before be ' reached the second stanza. + - : ; ; It was a Michigan editor who 1'0- - celved this notice : "Notlse , I Ilte Pick. ' Ins' won't pa floe lets contoracted by ml wit , Mary Plcklns She haz quit me cold an I aIn't makln a blzness of 3l1portln fikel women ! " IndIana society belles are making ; : ! " their own gowns , and Pitts burg society - ety women are baIting bread Now , If Illinois girls will begin to sew on but. tons , we know of several susceptible bachelors who may be hoodwinked ! i1f'I r . t