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May 6. igoi. THE FALLS CITY TRIBUNE . 7'I I
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- ' FACTS AND FANCIES.
BY ALLAN D. MAY.
. Is it all wrong to cuss the government
t '
' , . And like an anarchistic zealot shout ,
; , , : : i , : : . . - . ' When buddies by the than clerk are
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, missen
, ' , And thus yourdaily paper misses out ?
. I : ; . Have you trimmed your trees ?
. . If , wishes were automobiles , '
beggars : \vould Have adder tales
to tell.
1\ ! . We would rather be a poverty
stricken optimist than a million-
, sire pessimist.
About the most foolish thing
the government does is to issue
. . . . . . . special exposition stamps.
1 " r'f you had saved all the money
. ' . you spent for beer ' last summer
1. 'You might have had , a. panama ,
hat this summer.
r
Blissful ignorance IS the kind
1 k possessed by the girl who paints
her cheeks and imagines that
people don't know it.
.
t -oVe - imagine that the singing
of the Russian national anthem
' must sound a good deal like the
, . squeaking of an old fashioned
well .
: ' . If - 1\IcClure's magazine has
. - i iuch jf a circulation , in Colorado .
it is not probable that Ray Stan-
nard Baler will \ spend his summer .
.
vacation in that state. . -
The ; grocerymall smiles . every
, . '
' time " he see : a fruit tiee . laden
. . . 'J
/ with blossotns. The grocery
- , . mankno\vs . . , that all'this fruit win
. . be canned and that he' will have
sugar to sell. , .
If the fad for giving : presents
on every pretext continues to grow
, one . , will' . , soon be expected to give
divorce presents . to the same
. - couple to whom he once gave
t ; wedding presents. ' .
What long delay might . have
been avoided : had ' the : United
n . . States senate turnen the Smoot
. investigation business ' over ' to tie
. + Crackerjack Debating club and
- , . . . had it settled , with " due . neatness .
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and dispatch.
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. ; , ' , People no longer ' to town !
to see the elephant , but : wllen the
circus arrives ' they com . to see
the behemoth. V4 e would rather
' see an elephant any : day. The
. behemoth looks too much like the
. family cow.
: :31'
: A } young man went to hang a
a lay basket on the door of the
house where dwells his lady loye.
.He then started for the gate , but t
the family dog got there .first.
( The next time you meet him you
J 1' ' ' ' will know him by the limp.
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About this season of the } yea r
it requires great will pO\\1er \ tc
. .prevent : \ writing p tn about thc
glad , free life of ' thc. farmer ,
Once upon a time we wrote some
. < _ undying . . . . . , " - - , verses : , . . - - . - about" . . . . . - ' " _ . . . - merr ) ,
farmer and his merry life and the
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'w. ,
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.i .iI1Jii.nJ ! .1.aJJJt.w"MtUM : ; ! ( " : . " . I
next week five hundred and twen-
ty-fi ve (525) ( ) merry farmers called
at the office and swore by the
god of plowshares that we ' didn't-
know anything about farming or'
life on the farm. This so discouraged -
couraged us that we have care-
fully avoided the subject ever
since.
. .
If Jack Crook wants to nalw
himself solid with the ladies
when he takes charge of the post
office , he should advertise . a pig
bargain sale and , sell one dollars
worth of stamps for ninety-nine
cents and throw in . a postal card
as a premium as long as they last.
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Fame is not always so much to
be desired. In the suburbs of'
Louisville , Ky. , there lived an
old lady unknown to fame and an
unconscious of the fact that she
was wasting any sweetness , , on
the desert . air. But one day ' a
woman with literary talent wan-
dered near her secret bower and
molested . her ancient , solitary
re' gn-in other words this woman
"discovered" her and dragged
her out into the lime light of
publicity and all the world be-
came acquainted ' with : Mrs. 'Viggf
of the Cabbage Patch Tliena
the old lady's trouble begat1.
People were prompted by curios-
ity to visit , her humble abode 'and
see'whether or not the artist had
done a good' job of character
drawing ' , They came on foot
and in carriages and automobiles
and coaches and kept her so busy
exHibiting herself 'that she did
not get a chance to call on Miss
Hazy 'for days 'at ' a time. At last ,
the situation became unbearable
and she locked the < door
and denied admission to one and
all , But thc other day a. woman ,
called who .r fused to be thwarted
in her desire to see the celebrity.
She knocked at the front door
and when she failed to get a response -
spouse , she went to they back
door. Thereupon , Mrs. Wiggs ,
who , , had fled into an - upper cham-
. , ber , emptied a jar of slop.on the
head of : . her persistent visit9r.
An the good w01l1an' , philosophy-
tliat , . you read about in . . the book
seems to have deserted , her and
her prayer , "Lord keep .me from
.gittin' sour" seems to be un-
. answered.
_ Firemen , 'Elect ' Officers'
The members of the volunteer
fire department held their annual
election on : Monday evening and
the following officers were chosen
for the ensuing' year : W. K.
l
Knight , . chief ; George Goldner
assistant chief and president of
the company ; Hal .Burris , secre-
) taryVill ; Uhlig , treasurer The
. boys are thinking some of hold-
, ing a firemen"'s fair some time
this 'fall ' Considering . everything
' the fire department is in' good
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sndpe'
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" : . " , : , , ' . ' < i Shoe Store
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. . . SHOES' I Men ' 1..cnuI.u , . , , " . , . . . . . , . .i' , . , . , . . . I.r. . . .
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for I Children : " : . ' . , ' ' ' " ' '
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- . . &c" . , . . ow , . - " ' -
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I would . be pleased to have you , . call I ! I. ' . . ; _ . : , , : " ! : ; ' ; 1
'to see our Shoe Styles ,
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. " 'f , ; , . Would . also like < : add your name
. . . k " , . " to our list of custoll1ers. ' :
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' 'children'stSh ' esn'Sp'cclnlfy. '
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I / ' " Warm Lined Shoes for Old , Folks. : . ,
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. . . . . Rubbers and Overshoes of. U'Klnds.
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. ' , , . " ' Want to . Phone ? , , ' . ' . . . . ' : - ; " /
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. . , Call 23' ' " .
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Glad 'to ' Know . it. \ j
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Congressman Burkett leas nominated ; - ;
inated G. J. Crook as.ostmastcr ' ,
at Falls , City. Mr. Crook will be'
remembered as one oJ the sup-
porters' of Mr. Reavis in the
Richards t1 county..war last fal .
He was ' a delegate to the Judicial I
con vention and made many warm .
friends in Beatrice who will beI I
glad to learn l of his n011 inatioti. -
Beatrice Epress. . . . .
, Fra.terna.1' Picnic "
The Fraternal : Union met Monday - .
day evening at the G. A. R. han
and made further arrangements '
for the bIg picnic , , to be held in
August. Th fin1mce committee
reported that 'the inerc1uirlts and
citizens gener lly' were respond-
ing liberally with sc'riptions.
It is he intention of the ' Union '
to purchase a large tent for ti e
at these picnics and it is expected ,
that after this year , rentals fr.om
the tent and receipts from stand
rights and privilege will make it
unnecessary to raise money . by
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sUbscription , . in the future .
Injured .in Runaway. '
. While Miles , W Knapp ; the
the Ncmaha City liveryman and
his wife and baby.-two 'months
old--were returning IvI 0'11 d a y
morning from a visit with their
daughter , 1\lrs. I , . P. Shell en-
barger , who lives five miles ? west
of ' . Stella , his team became un-
- managable . and when he lost cone
trol they threw the baby out of
the buggy and were soon thrown
romthe : vehicle themselves , lrs.
Knapp getting her collar bone
broken besides being injured internally -
ternally , Ivr- Knapp received an
ugly gash in the head and the
baby escaped with the least in-
jury , getting only a bruise where
it struck it on the head in fall-
ing. , How , ' it. . , eSCalcd , ) being ' instantly -
stantly killed is , a Jllys.tery. The
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injured i parties ' ' were carried to the
farm house of J. R. Brockman
and [ a physician summoned : ; r . ,
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For ale. , , .
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For sale-As nice' 160
a as you
ever .saw. peep"b1a soil , not a
pebble 0.11 it , . within .hveLve miles
of the. capital of : South Dakota
for.S1QO , see. Whit ker 'Bros. , . at
once. , " -14-tf. . ;
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Coue & T.hornton handle iiotli-
upe . , l tJ - ,
ing but the best of .m abh , ' ,
t f '
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McNa.Il's , r
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GRCOERY' : . ' : ; .
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; ' Fancy : ; and Seale' : ; . . . ' ,
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, jrocerie . . , .
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: .al. . '
Fruit in Seas 1. > .
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Satisfaction Ouarr : : ;
an teed. . . ' .1 : ' 'I' I ' , '
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, Free , Ci y Delivery
Phone 40. . .J" . ; ' nr.
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Storage for Household . ' i'
and. Other Goods. I : ' . , " ,
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Missouri Pacific Railway
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Time Table , Falls City , Neb : , _
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NORTH . . . ,
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No. 51 Omaha and Lincoln
Lxpress . . . . . ' . .1. ' . . . . ' . : . A'2:25'a : m' '
No. 9 Omaha and Lil1cohl 8:35 . . a . 111
No. . 57 Omaha and Lincoln . '
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passengc . . . . . " . . . . . . . ' . . . . , A . " . ; 4'8'p rm
N < ? , . 233.Loca1 Freight , Au- /1' . t' - ; .
burn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A 1:10 : p ni
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SOUTH . . . ; . . . \
No. 52 Kansas City and St.
Louis and Denver . . . . . . A .3:47.a : 111
No. ,58 Kansas City and St. . '
LOis and Denver . . . . . . A 2:48 : p' m
N .50 Worlds Fair special. . 8:45 : p 111
No. 232 Local , Atchison . , . 10:30 : a m
No. 220 Stock Freight , Hi- '
awatha. ; . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A 9:52 : p ni'
, A. Daily. . ; 'D.-Daily except Sunday.
J. D. VARNIR , Agent. .
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