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i 1 April I , 1904 THE FALLS CITY TRIBUNE 7
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, FACTS-ANDFAr-JiIES.--
Ii
) BY ALLAN D. MAY.
\ 3
' bleu will continue to fish for men ,
j As long as thc stickers bite ;
I 'l'lcy ! will . bait their hooks : again and
\ again ,
{ _ ' - . . As long as thc suckers bite ;
- Somctimcs for profi tsomcti utes for fu n ,
! As long as thc brook of life shall run ,
The fish shall bc captured , one by one ,
I , As long as thc suckers bitc.
I
I
, Wisdom is not hereditary.
" How we would enjoy a dish of
green peas with dumplings !
Those who admire you most
are generally those who never
mention it.
\\'hen ' a man is in' the wrong
his first excuse is that people
have misunderstood him.
pawn-broker would loan some
men more on a Waterbury than
" , they would on their promise to
pay :
If the majority of men can get
. ' )1 all the gold they . want , they will
' ( not worry over the scarcity of
radium.
-
When you tell some people any-
thing , they assume that you are
lying , no matter how reasonable
your statement may bc.
- -
Senator Burton of Kansas has
been convicted of bribery , It is
now up to William Allen White
, ; " , to explain what is the matter
, * r with Kansas.
A women couldn't find an Eas-
\ ,
i : : ; tel' hat in town that suited her ,
r. and she has been praying night
1 and clay that it will rain next
. Sunday. Spiteful . thing . ; !
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A certain man has a dog and
. . . never tires of telling about the
' .r'
j' : " . beasts pedigree and thc fabulous
' : , " stuns he has been offered . for him.
,
' ' Will he tell this to the ! assessor ?
ki "
: .
f : l "t t. , . . " w I ( BIXbv is waging a war on carc-
, : ' : : : ' less spitters. His attitude is commendable -
' 1. : mendable , but we fear that man
r- . ' ' will spit where he listeth until
" ' long after Porter has put it i baC { .
"ii ?
, ; .
t' _ ' . Republicans may indulge in
" little quarrels in their county and
a , 1' . ' . , state conventions , . but they will
. ,
r.-\ . ' .
I \ , ' ' ' ' be ready to kiss and make np
t " " : _ when the national convention
i ; : : : . . meets.
. . . .
. - : . ' ' ' ' : ' . - In the bible we are admonished :
r. " , "But let your communication be
L ; . . " . . yea , yea ; nay , nay ; for whatsoever -
4
. ' , ever more than these cometh of
: ; ,
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' evil This advice was probably
1 ( - tended for modern poli t cians.
'r
; , One reason why we should re-
. -
fr : " i gret the nomination of Grover
, . Cleveland for the presidency , is
"iir. " ; ; . " that it would cause a revival of
, : ! : ' the old slogan "Four more 7ears
of Grover.
\
: A man invited a neighbor and
y his family to dinner and reference
was made to the excellence of the
l chicken that was served "Yes"
remarked the host HI have been
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Iiir -
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bothered for some time with stray
chickens and this morning I shot
this one.Vhen the guest went
home he counted his chickens and
found one missing. I-Ie took the
hint.
According to advertisements in
the current magazines one can
.now beome as tall as he likes.
The discovery of a certain system
will } ] enable you to add to your
stature at so much per cubit , or
major fraction thereof. By a sim-
ple process you can become a tall
sycamore in the forest of human-
ity. lf nature sawed you off
short , don't lose hope : send a two
cent stamp for particulars. If
the benevolent elongators of humankind -
man-kind cannot lengthen you
out otherwise , they ' will pull your
leg until it is longer than it real-
ly ought to be.
This is April Fool day and the
usual pranks are being played.
The man who would whip his
child for telling a lie , will lie to
his child and when the little one
innocently believes him , he will
cry "April Fool" and chuckle and
grin , while the child thinks that
perhaps it isn't so wicked to' tell
a He after all.'Ve ' wonder why ,
if people will be fools , somebody
don't invent a new kind of fool-
ishness for this particular day.
'Ve have seen so many empty
pocket books picked up that the
spectacle no longer fills us with
merriment. We have seen the
hat and the brick t'1
worked so often that it is no
longer entertaining.
\Vhat would you give to be as
happy and proud as you used to
bc when the object of your joy
and pride was nothing more than
a crudely colord Easter egg ? Yon
are very busy now chosoing the-
will- 0'- wisp of fortune and
someday your tired hands may
reach out and grasp the golden
bau ble. When you grow weary
We do GOOD -
PAINTING
We do GOOD
Paper Hanging
GUARANTEE ALL
OUR WORK . .
NO NEED TO TEAR UP YOUR
WHOLE HOUSE TO DO A LIT-
TLE WORK. WE COVER YOUR
CARPETS. DROP US A CARD
AND WE WILL CALL ON YOU.
BAXTER & CO
, The Decorators
. , - , . .
.ter
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1--- - 1----- "
i ; NOW IS THE TIME TO &
GET YOUR EASTER BONNETS [ i
,1. , -
ELYSIAN
Toilet Articles
. A full line of these
tI excellent goods and
they arc sold under
a. positive guarantee -
tee. . . . . . . .
I . .r. - . - - . .r
. Mrs. C. - - W. - Breithaut i
ll
wftli the chase , you console your-
self with the though of happiness -
ness that will come when the
prize is w011. And if you win ? ,
Oh ! there will be joy happiness ,
and the rich mans bridc. : But it
win be joy that has been bought
and paid for , it will not bc the
joy that comes without the ask-
ing ; it will not bc that pride that
110 account of the intrinsic value
. of its object. 'rhe Easteregg in
its self was nothing , but the joy
it bought was more than gold can
buy , and you win never be as
happy or as proud as you were
then , though every thing you
touch should turn into g-old.
- - -
Since the new bus line was established -
tablished , a metropolitan atmos-
phere surrounds the depots when-
ever a train arri ves. The competition -
tition bids fair to develop some
first class spielers. "
'Tis not alone thc buildings tall ,
Or street car service up . to-date ,
The bustling crowd , thc smoky pall
That makes a city great ,
A town is still a "whistling post"
And all its hopes of greatness vain
Till it can point with pride and boast
Of bus line" spielcrs" at thc train.
LOCAL AND PERSONAL.
Eat Sowle's Candy.
Dr. 1. 1\1. Houston was in Omaha -
ha Wednesday.
B. A. Rose of Salem was in
town Tue da'y.
J. G. Smith ot Dawson was in
. ,
town 1.'uesda
Earl Marts was down from
Iowa on business this week.
John Ahern of Shubert was in
the city on business Wednesday.
Come ladies and get your Easter -
er hats at the Bon ron millinery
store.
Hal Norris caine down from
Lincoln and is visiting his par-
enss in this city.
1\-lrs. Francis Martin and l\1rs.
John C. : Martin left this week for
a trip to 'Florida.
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Our line of spring millinery
is attracting much atttention. f
The newness and beauty of
design have caused 111uch fav-
orable cOm1nent. Our line
has been proven to be the
most varied and artistic ever
brought to this city. And the
. f
prices are as satisfactory as
the goods. Wevant you to
investigate and be con vinced.
I
Isreal Richards of Wymore has
been visiting his father C. H.
Richards in this city during the
week.
.
Several fine new residences are
to be erected on the north side in
the neighborhood of the high
schoo1.
Peter Hoffman who
was badly
injured last week by falling on a
defective sidewalk , is. slowly recovering -
'
covering from his injuries.
E. C. Phillips , deputy master
workman of the A. O. U. W. has
been in town this week working
in the interests of the order. -
The funeral of John Oman who
died at the county farm was held
Thursday. Mr. Oman was 72
years of age and was well , known
in this community.
Rev , Schmid1i left this week
for his new pastorate in St. Joe.
Rev. lYlanshart arrived in the city w
yesterday to assume the pastorate -
ate of the Evangelical church in
this city.
The Tribune wants some more
correspondents in the county.
We have the field more thoroughly -
ly covered than any other paper
in the county now , but we are _
not satisfied. We want a reporter -
er in every precinct and town in
the county. Call or write for .
particulars.
Missouri Pacific Railway
Time Table , Falls City , Neb. . .
NORTH
No. 51 Omaha and Lincoln
Express . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A 2:28 : a nl
No. 57 Omaha and Lincoln
passenger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A 2:48 : p m
No. 233 Local1"rcight ! , Auburn .
burn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1\ 1:05 : p nl
SOUTH
No. 52 Kansas City and St.
Louis and Dcnvcr . . . . . . . A 2:8 a m
No. 58 Kansas City and l St.
Louis and Denver . . . . . . . A 1:46 : a 111
No. 232 Local , Atchison. . . 10:30 : a 111
No. 220 Stock Freight , Hi-
a'vatha. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1\ 8:30 p m
A. Daily. n. Daily except Sunday.
J. n. VARNER , Agcnt. A
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