laca a.
µ , March 25 , 1904 THE FALLS
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FACTS AND FANCIES.
{ BY ALLAN D. MAY.
1 ' .
i , i . . i A man cannot be said to have
supported a ticket until he has
. ) . . voted it.
\Ve believe that we prefer a
. . genuine January blizzard to a
> " . March rain
Last Thursday was- St. Pat-
rick's day but we did not see anybody "
I body planting potatoes.
. . After all , it won't be long until -
.
, til Chancellor Andrews has for-
gotten aU about it.
.
'
+ . In re-counting the good things
t . Of this world don't overlook the
. republican county iciCet .
: . M It is not written in sacred or
t profane history that one man
ever lied another into hell.
. Don t you wish you had some
: , . crisp green onion , and some new
. . I , . radishes for dinner today ?
r , , _
, : " , About " the most contemptIble
, ) . . object in the world is. a little man
, t with a big opinion of himself.
. A - lawyer naay ; not ask a wit-
ness a leading question. He may
however , ask him aU the mislead-
ing ones he wants to.
.
We know a very rich man who
is afraid to build a new residence
because next year somebody
t , , ' . might build a finer one.
. . .
, . . . ; . , I
" , The Deweys aU seem destined
I . to come out victorious. Chaun-
cey and Clyde Dewey have been
. .
' _ . acquitted of the Berry murder.
' If aU the low-lands in Richardson -
son county were protected from
floods and then planted in wheat
and corn , what would the harvest
. ' ; . be ?
,
I Whenever the monotonous
. grind of a newspaper office bears
, ,
. " heavily upon us and we desire a
: J change , we step over into Joe
- . 'j'J. 'j 4 : : -t ; : . fiddle
, . Geigers factory , conserva-
" . . .
, . tory of music , shot gun infirmary
,
I ° ' and padlock hospital. Joe al-
' ; ' , J -'ways gives us the glad hand and
I " tenders us a chair beside his gen-
: ial hearth and there we' sit and
. see things that cannot be seen
from any other point of view. A
man comes in with a debilitated
- shot gun on which he wants an
\ ' operation performed. This gun
was originally a musket and
.
probably saw service at Fort
, . . Ticonderoga or at Yorktown.
It afterward became an heirloom
\ : and was handed down in some
I ; . ir ; family from generation to gener-
\ ation. At some point along the
I
line its six foot barrel
: . . . was bored
1 L out smooth and the present shot
gun e\'olved. In the last seventy-
I , five years it has been used to
g i : , shoot geese in Canada alligators
! -r .
.
. , , ,
. .
.
' ,1
. .
' - " "
a ] -i
in Florida , Indians in Nebraska
and horse thieves ill \Vyoming.
Old age has marked its stock
with worm holes and its barrel
with rust holes but the owner
'can't understand what is the mat
ter with it , and wants Joe to
give ita course of treatment and
he takes the case. He works for
hours whittling out a new bar-
rell , or putting on a new flint , or
carving out a new stock , and
then when when he charges the
owner fifty cents that individual
gets mad and says that the pa-
tten gun doctor is a sheep in
wolfs clothing and threatens .to
shoot him. About this time a
man comes in with a saw to be
filed. Joe casts his eager eye
along the row of bristling teeth ,
then fastens the blade in the vise
and begins. As he draws the file
gently back and forth , the sweet
strains grow loud and louder ; the
air vibrates with harmony , nature
seems to pulsate with melody ; it
is as though the pearly gates had
beerr thrown wide open and that
mortal ear had suddenly become
attuned to the music of celestial
harps. But alas , into all har-
mony some discord must come.
In there comes a man who takes
down one of Joes fiddles and
without even tuning with the saw
strikes up the latest plain
quadrille that has become popu-
lar in Rush Bottom And so saw
and fiddle contend for the supre- ,
macy and there comes to the mind '
of the listener that passage of
scripture that refers to weeping
and wailing and gnashing of
teeth. Joe Geiger makes he
best violins we have ever seen
but it is so unfair to expect them
to contend with the lamentations
of a saw that is having dental
work done. A genuine Strad-
ivarius would hardly stand the
test. It always happens that at
this point a hundred men call to
subscribe for The Tribune and
we are called to the office to make
out receipts.
LOCAL AND PERSONAL.
Eat 8. < \ wleirCandy. ' / .
G. J. Crook went to Lincoln
Monday afternoon.
L. B. Cornell of Verdon was in
the city Saturday.
Seed Potatoes - BEST ON
EARTII.-\V. P. Long.
Can 74 when you want a nice
juicy steak or prime rib roast
See Johnston's advertisement
of corsets , it will pay you.
Minnie Swisegood of Verdon
visited in this city Saturday.
Chas. Humphrey and wife of
Verdon spent Sunday in this city.
The hunters have been so suc-
cessful this week that wild ducks
have been on the market in great
numbers
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w T /RSV kt'R..fA'i'.taati ' tk'RB3 J .
CITY TRIBUNE. 7
. . .
- - - - - - -
, HOLT'S
. . Shoe Store
Palls City , Neb.
SHOES Men ,
Women and
for Children
I would be pleased to have you call
to see our Shoe Styles
Would also like add your name
to our list of customers.
Children's Shoes a Specialty.
WarmLlned , Shoes for Old Folks.
Rubbers and Overshoes of all Kinds.
. Want to Phone ?
Call 23.
William Shaffer , brakeman of
Dennison , Ohio , was confined to
his bed for several weeks with inflammatory -
flammatory rheumatism. "I used
many remedies he said and final-
ly I sent to McCaw's drug store
for a bottle of Chamberlains Pain
Balm , at which time I was unable
to use hand or foot , and in one
week's time was able to go to
work as happy as a clam. " For
sale by A. G. Wanner. 9-4
The funeral of William Hen-
, ping was held from the. family
residence on \tlcLane street Sun-
day afternoon. Mr. Henning
died on Friday at the age of 78
) 'ears. He was an old . resident
of this county and a few years
ago moved to this city Mr.
Henning was a highly respected
man and a good citizen.
A young lady received an invitation -
vitation to a kensington the other
day She didn't know just what
this form of entertainment was
so she phoned to the minister of
her church and asked whether or
not it was wicked to go to ken-
sin gtons.
When bilious try a dose of
Chamberlains Stomach and Liver
tablets and realize for once how
quickly a first-class up-to-date
medicine will correct the disorder.
For sale by A. G. Wanner. 9-4
Rev. Holly of the Christian
church has been touring this sec-
tion of Nebraska giving his illus-
trated lecture on the Holy Land.
We have noticed some very flat-
tering press reports.
Emma Schaible of Falls City
who has been visiting her sister ,
Mrs. Frank Daeschner has returned -
turned home.-Hiawatha Her-
ald.
Rev. Moore of Omaha held ser-
vices at the Episcopal church on
Sunday.
Cheapest Seed Potatoes this
side the stars.-W. P. Long.
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Staple and
Fancy Groceries
FRUIT IN SEASON .
Try Our 1775 Coffee
Highest Market Price
Paid for Butter and
Ejgs.
First Door North
of Post Office. . .
PHONE 14 _ , .
A. G. HOPPOCK
,
We carry a. . . .
.
COMPLETE LINE
OF
Building Material
And all kinds of
COAL
WE SOLICIT YOUR , PATRONAGE
Chicago
Lumber f aCoal Co.
.
TELEPHONE S8.
Bargains in Fruit Trees
You can get 6 first class Kief-
fer Pear tree for $1 ; one dozen
of the finest budded peach trees
for $1.50 ; one dozen 3..foot
'Scotch Pine trees for 250. A
full line of first class trees ,
vines , etc. , on which you don't
have to pay freight or agent's
commission by going to the
Falls City Nursery for your
Fruit Trees Sale Ground one
block north of Court House
Patronize Tribune advertisers.
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