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THE GOOO OLDTKS
When Hunting Was Good and
Gray Mares Were Wonders
REAL SPORT IN THOSE DAYS
Old Jimmy Chambers Tells About One
Haul He Made When He Got Moro
Than He Expected The Willing Old
Horse That Cracked Her Skin
Talk about ycr huntln trips said
ole Jimmy Chambers Why there aint
no huntln nowadays no not none
tall leastwise none worth mentionin
It was different when J wuz a
young feller Them wuz huntln days
When ye went out to hunt ye got
snmthin I tell ye An most always
ye got a dum sight more n ye expect
ed I remember onct down In ole
Pennsylvania when I had a hunt as
wtiz a hunt I had er ole muzzle
loader rifle that could shoot some I
tell ye An I wuz no slouch at shoot
in In them days myself I could shoot
about as well as ther next feller Well
I went down to ther river lookin fer
cr deer I seen one standln right in
front of er big tree I pulled up ther
ole muzzle loader an let her go Jest
as I fired a big fish jumped out of ther
water an my shot went plum through
him I seen by ther way he fell Id
plugged er hole in him The deer
jest dropped where he stood never
stirred jest fell stone dead
I rushed out Into ther river an
grabbed my fish fore it could lloat
away With ther fish under my arm
I started fer ther deer An what dye
suppose S help me jest back of
where that deer stood ther bullet had
knocked er hole in that tree as big
is yer fist an out of that hole er
regular stream of honey avuz flowin
That good honey wuz goin to waste
Ium fast an I hadnt nary er thing
to stop It Jest then er rabbit jump
d out of er hole I hadnt noticed an
I grabbed him by ther hind legs jest
as he wuz leapin I wuz goin to stuff
liim in ther hole when er Hock of quail
flew up on ther other side of ther
tree They wuz goin straightaway
an there wuz more n 10000 of em
Ther ole muzzle loader wuznt loaded
an them quail wuz gettin away fast
I wanted some of em bad so I jest
let go that ole rabbit right In ther mid
dle of em an the way he kicked
an clawed as he wuz goin through
ther air wuz a caution lie landed
Tight on top of ther whole bunch
when I got over there seventeen
of em wuz dead on ther ground yes
sir jest seventeen of em An ther
shock had killed ther rabbit too He
wuz all smashed up I stuck his head
In ther hole to stop ther honey till I
could go home fer sum barrels
I hitched up ther ole gray mare to
ther sled an went back I chopped
that there ole tree down an there wuz
honey enough to fill all my barrels
Well I slung ther deer an ther fish an
ther rabbit an ther quail on ther sled
an started home It wuz some load
fer ther ole mare an I walked at her
head kinder coaxin her along 1
wnznt payln any attention to ther
load an by gum when we got up to
ther house there wuz that there load
way back In ther middle of ther river
Of course I knowed what wuz ther
matter That ole groundhog harness
had got wet an jest stretched I wuz
3rind of hungry so I jest throwed ther
harness over a stump an went into
dinner When I cum out again ther
sun had dried ther harness an ther
load wuz just pullin up to ther stump
That wuz some hunt Yer dont get
nothin like that nowadays I tell ye
Them wuz good old days
An speakin of ther ole gray mare
she was ther willinest mare that ever
wuz Shed pull anything yer hitched
her to I tried her an she pulled ev
erything One day I sez to myself By
gum Ill give yer er load yer cant
pull an I hitched her to er stone boat
loaded with all ther bowlders in ther
county She got right down an pulled
an pulled an pulled but ther load
didnt budge I heard er little crack
but for er minute I didnt suspicion
anything an before I noticed that ther
skin on her face had cracked it wuz
too late I yelled at her to stop but
she wuz so dum mad she kept right on
pullin an shelp me before I could
stop her shed pulled herself clean out
of her skin I didnt want to lose that
there mare an I got hxwy an did er
little skin graftln fer myself I had
some fresh sheep pelts an I sewed
them on as fast as I could sew Well
sir them pelts took root fine They
growed on that there ole mare jest
like theyd always been there an ther
next season I sheared jest 375 pounds
of wool offn her She avuz er good
ole mare I tell ye an every year I
got 375 pounds of wool so long as she
lived Yes sir it wus always jest 375
pounds Yer dont have no such horses
nowadays I tell ye Outers Book
The Pimpernel
The common pimpernel poor mans
weather glass has the disadvantage
of being a rative plant and has been
almost completely expelled from our
flower gardens in favor of exotics
which are rarer but lack much of be
ing as pretty The pimpernel is a
charming 1ttle flower which opens
about S in the morning and closes late
In the afternoon but has the remark
able peculiarity of indicating a com
ing shower by shutting up its petals
A Deadly Insult
Do you like my new hat asked
Mrs Brooke
Yes indfHjd replied Mrs Lynn
I had one just like it when they were
In style Lippiucotts Magazine
HIS TRAGIC DREAM
A Grim Ghost Story That Comes
From the Netherlands
The following remarkable ghost
story is told of two brothers members
of a distinguished family In Krlesiand
a province of the Netherlands The
young men were otlicers In the same
regiment and their only fault a cer
tain rash valor so different from the
quiet prudence so characteristic of
their nation made their comrades al
most Idolize them
These young otlicers were exceed
ingly anxious to see a ghost and took
a great deal of pains to plunge into
all sorts of gloomy places in the hope
of finding them tenanted by beings
from the other world At last they
seemed to find the orthodox old castle
with its haunted room Everybody
bore witness to the horrible sights and
sounds nightly to be seen and heard
therein and these young gentlemen
determined to pass the night there
It was Christmas eve and they pro
vided themselves with a good supper
and a bottle of wine each a fire lights
and loaded pistols The hours wore
on No ghost was seen no ghostly
sounds were heard The younger
brother wrapped closely in his warm
cloak laid his head on the table and
deliberately resigned himself to a com
fortable sleep The elder brother
though exceedingly weary determined
to remain awake and await the issue
of events
After awhile a noise roused him
from a reverie into which he had fall
en He raised ids eyes and beheld the
wall opening in front of his seat
Through the opening glided a tall fig
ure in white who signed to him to
follow
The rose and followed the figure
through long damp dark passages till
they reached a large brilliantly light
ed room where a ball was going on
Above the strains of music and the
din of voices pierced a strange sharp
clicking sound like the notes of casta
nets
Bewildered and dazzled by this sud
den transition from darkness and si
lence to this gay festive seene it was
some moments before he could col
lect his senses but he was shocked by
perceiving that these gayly dressed la
dies and their richly uniformed cava
Hers were skeletons and the curious
sound that impressed him so strangely
was the clicking of fleshless jaws
The figure at his side ordered him
to take a partner from this hideous
throng which he refused to do Irri
tated at this refusal the figure raised
his arm to strike but the oflicer in
stantly leveled at him the pistol he
had continued to grasp and discharged
it full in his face
With the shock and report he started
to his feet The white figure the ball
room the fearful ghastly dancers all
had vanished and he was in the room
where he had supped but his brother
lay dying at his side
He had shot him in his dream and
awakened only to receive his last ut
terance From that awful Christmas
night he was an altered man All
the gayety had gone out of his life
all the sunshine had faded from his
days and after a few years of una
vailing anguish of remorse he found
himself tumble to bear the burden
of his regrets and put an end to his
life
To Gauge His Vifes Temper
I heard about a peculiar case of
henpecked husband recently said a
young woman the other day
What was it her friend inquired
There is a man who has some diffi
culty in gauging his wifes temper At
times she is considerate of his welfare
and at other times well he rather
thinks that married life is a failure
He has a peculiar manner of find
ing out the state of his wifes feeling
toward him In the evening when he
returns home from work he never
steps into the house without going
through a sort of ceremony First he
throws his hat in the house and then
he seats himself on the steps and
waits If five minutes pass without
the hat being thrown out again he en
ters and generally finds his wife very
agreeable However if the hat is
thrown out again the unfortunate man
seeks hospitality for the night some
where else rather than brave the an
ger of his helpmeet
The Fishing Otter
The otter used by Scottish poachers
is one of the most deadly fishing in
struments known In some waters
it is far more effective than a net
It may be described as a water kite
which serves to take out over the
water a line bearing fifty or more flies
The otter itself is a floating piece of
board leaded along one side to keep it
upright The poacher walks along the
side of the loch or river letting out
the fly decorated line as he goes the
otter board gradually working out
toward the center An enormous area
of water is fished at one time and
numbers of fish are killed
A Drop of Water
A gallon of distilled water weighs
8330 pounds and there being four
quarts to the gallon and two pints to
the quart and sixteen fluid ounces tc
the pint and two tablespoonfuls to
the fluid ounce and four teaspoonfuls
to the tablespoon and forty flve drops
to the teaspoon a drop of water
weighs 00001S037 pound slightly
more
Another Creditor
Blobbs Harduppe says he owes ev
erything to his wife Slobbs Hard
uppe is a double distilled prevaricator
He owes 10 to me Philadelphia Rec
ord
Shear the sheep but dont flay them
Spanish Proverb
sf8idsi
I MARK Till STORY
Showing What May Be Achieved
by Nerve and Reiteration
A LESSOM IN PERSEVERANCE
Doing to Prove That Repetition Will
Work Wonders if a Man Has Only
the Necessary Amount of Cheek to
Stand Up and Keep on Talking
Mark Twain once told a reporter
that If a man says the same thing of
ten enough people will begin to listen
to him
Now said the great humorist
there was that story about Hank
Monk That was the oldest stalest
driest deadest bit of alleged humor
that any man ever heard It had been
circulated around Nevada and Cali
fornia until there Avasnt a man left
who would even listen to it 1 had
heard it so many times that I knew it
by heart It told how Hank Monk got
Horace Greeley over the Glennbrook
grade to Placcrville
I was about to deliver my second
lecture at Piatts hall in San Fran
cisco the second one I had ever de
livered It occurred to me that I
might begin that lecture with the
worst story I had ever heard and by
telling it often enough start the lec
ture with a big laugh I took that
story and memorized it sb that it
would not vary in the telling and I
made it just as pointless and just as
dull and just as dry as I could
When it came time for me to talk
I stood up and with a few introduc
tory remarks began that story If I
remember it went something like this
Horace Greeley once went over
the Glennbrook grade to Placcrville
When he was leaving Carson City he
told the driver Hank Monk that he
had an engagement to lecture at
Placcrville and was very anxious to
go through quick Hank Monk crack
ed his whip and started off at an aw
ful pace The stage bounced up and
dOAvn in such a terrific way that it
jolted the buttons all off Horaces coat
and finally shot his head clean through
the roof of the stage and then he yell
ed to Hank Monk and begged him to
go easier said he warnt in as much
of a hurry as ho had been awhile
ago But Hank Monk said Keep
your seat Horace and Ill get you
there on time And he did too what
was left of him
Now that was all there was to the
story It was bad enough to begin
with but I made it worse in the tell
ing I droned it out in a flat monoto
nous tone without a gesture to mar its
depressing effect The people received
it in dead silence I had insulted every
man in the audience I had graveled
them with a story that was not only
stale and pointless but one which they
had heard at least a thousand times
I waited a few seconds for the laugh
ter and then I began to hem and haw
and shift my feet I tried to appear
just as embarrassed as I could and
after floundering about helplessly for a
few sentences I cheered up a little and
said that I would tell a funny anec
dote which might be new to them It
began
Horace Greeley went over the
Glennbrook grade to riacerville
I told it in exactly the same miser
able pointless way that I had told it
before and when I got through 1 wait
ed a longer time for the applause but
there wasnt any applause I could see
that several men in the house were
growing quite indignant They had
paid money to hear a humorous lec
ture I took a long breath and plunged
in a third time more embarrassed and
flustered and worried than ever and
by and by I worked around again to
the time when Horace Greeley went
over Glennbrook grade to Placerville
This time some of the smarter ones
began to laugh and this encouraged
me so much that I thanked them and
started right in to tell the story over
again never varying the delivery so
much as a pause to take breath The
fourth time fetched em and at the
end of the story they stood up and
whooped and yelled and cheered for
some time
You see I thought that if a man
had sand enough to stand up before an
audience and tell the oldest stalest
and most uninteresting story in the
world he could make people laugh if
he had the nerve to tell the story often
enough The rest of my lecture went
very well They were willing to laugh
at my anecdotes the first time I told
them Maybe they were afraid I would
tell them a second time
I felt so sure that I had discovered
a new phase in human character that
I tried the same thing in New York
years afterward There was an au
thors reading bee one afternoon and
most of the authors read selections
from their works I sat on the plat
form beside James Russell Lowell
He asked me what I was going to
read I said that I wasnt going to
read anything I intended to tell an
anecdote
Is it a funny one he asked
I said it would be if I lasted long
enough
I started out without any preamble
and I told the Hank Monk anecdote
There was an awful silence at the
end I took a drink of water mopped
my forehead and told the story again
Same effect Young man I told that
story five aines before I landed em
When I sat down at last Mr Lowell
whispered to me
You have cost me dear I have
been sitting here and wasting sympa
thy on you
Thats the point young man Repe
tition will do anything if a man has
the sand to stand up and keep on talk
ing New York American
SPIDER INSTINCT
Cutting a Web Thread to Escapo From
an Intruder
The instinct -of the spider Is always
an Interesting subject for study Re
cently n naturalist placed a small spi
der in the center of a large spiders
web some four feet above ground
The large spider soon rushed from its
hiding place under a leaf to attack the
intruder which ran up one of the as
cending lines by which the web was
secured to the foliage
The big Insect gained rapidly upon
the little one but the fugitive was
equal to the emergency for when
barely an inch ahead of the other It
cut with one of its rear legs the line
behind Itself thus securing its own es
cape the ferocious pursuer falling to
the ground
The naturalist says It is not the
habit of spiders to cut tle slender
thread below them when they are as
cending to avoid some threatened dan
ger unless there Is a hole close at
hand and a hole that is known to be
unoccupied From this It would seem
that thc little creatures action was the
result of some sort of reasoning In
stinct led it to run away but it must
have been something more than in
stinct that led it to sever the line and
so cut off the pursuit
The same naturalist says that spi
ders are cannibals and that they are
naturally pugnacious But they do not
fight for the satisfaction of eating one
another When two spiders fight
there is generally a very good reason
for the attack and the vigorous de
fense that follows
It is not generally known that after
a certain time spiders become Inca
pable of spinning a web from lack
of material The glutinous excretion
from which the slender threads are
spun is limited therefore spiders can
not keep on constructing new snares
when the old ones are destroyed But
they can avail themselves of the web
producing powers of their younger
neighbors and this they do without
uv1 Uri iio OWUU lO 44 Ojiurjl O nUU
constructing material has become ex
hausted and its last web destroyed it
sets out In search of another home
and unless it should chance to find one
that is tenantless a battle usually en
sues which ends only with the retreat
or death of the invader or defender
New York World
THACKERAY WAS BORED
Amusing Incident of the Authors Sec
ond Visit to Boston
During Thackerays second visit to
Boston Mr James T Fields his host
was asked to invite Thackeray to at
tend an evening meeting of a scientific
club which was to be held at the
house of a distinguished member
I was said Mr Fields very reluc
tant to ask him to be present for I
knew he was easily bored and I was
fearful that a prosy essay or geological
paper might be presented and felt cer
tain that should such be the case he
would be exasperated with me the in
nocent cause of his affliction
My worst fears were realized I
dared not look at Thackeray I felt
that his eye was upon me My dis
tress may be imagined when I saw
him rise quite deliberately and make
his exit very noiselessly into a small
anteroom adjoining The apartment
Avas dimly lighted but he knew that
I knew he was there
Then began a series of pantomimic
feats impossible to describe He threw
an imaginary person myself of course
upon the floor and proceeded to stab
him several times with a paper folder
which he caught up for the purpose
After disposing of his victim in this
way he was not satisfied for the dull
lecture still went on in the other room
so he fired an imaginary revolver sev
eral times at an imaginary head
The whole thing was inimitably
done I hoped nobody saw it but my
self Years afterward a ponderous
fat witted young man put the question
squarely to me
What was the matter with Mr
Thackeray that night the club met at
Mr s house
Famous Men Who Remained Bachelors
Among the illustrious men who
passed through life in single blessed
ness may be mentioned Sir Isaac New
ton Thomas Hobbes author of The
Leviathan Adam Smith the father
of political economy Chamfort the
greatest of French talkers Gassendi
Galilei Descartes Spinoza Locke
Kant Bishop Butler the author of
Analogy Bayle Leibnitz Hume
Gibbon Macaulay Buckle Pitt
Charles James Fox Leonardo da
Vinci Raphael Michelangelo Sir
Joshua Reynolds the artist Turner
Handel Beethoven Schopenhauer
Rossini Mendelssohn and Meyerbeer
Detroit Journal
Lords and Commons
An ancient English custom forbids
the participation of a peer in the elec
tion of a commoner so that when a
general election is actually in progress
the lords are oratorieally muzzled by
a fiction that supposes them to be quite
indifferent to the composition of the
lower house but until the candidates
have been actually nominated the
peers may use all the eloquence with
which nature has endowed them for or
against the issue involved in the ap
proaching election
Nature of the Goods
I suppose a manicure establishment
cannot possibly run out of stock
Why not
Because it is a business in which
the goods are always on hand Balti
more American
He who shall pass judgment on the
records of our life is the same that
formed us in frailty Stevenson
HIS THOROUGHBRED
A Deal the Horseman Put Through on
the Dead Quiet
A man known roundabout as a
lover and possessor of fine horses was
lately driving one of his favorite
steeds along a suburban road when
he came upon another horse lover al
most as well known who was driving
in the opposite direction Seemingly
pleased to meet each other both drew
Up alongside
I heard only yesterday that youd
gone away and brought back a new
thoroughbred greeted the second
horseman
Yep gleefully returned the first
horseman Im just after leaving her
back home while I give tills horse a
little spin for his liver
Thnk shell suit asked the sec
ond man squinting good humoredly
Well you know my style old man
She can step along in the best class
and shes got a pedigree eclipsing any
around here
How long have you had her
Just four days answered the first
horseman in the same gleeful tone
but Ive had my eyes on her for some
time back
Carried this deal through a little on
the quiet didnt you
Yep laughed the first man witli
a head shake of satisfaction
Is she a record breaker
Sure thing wouldnt have any
other Walt till you fellows get a
glimpse of her and If you dont agree
that Ive still got my eyes for winners
Ill eat the tail off that horse there
Suddenly the second horseman lean
ed over toward his friend and thrust
out his hand in palpable earnestness
Accept my congratulations said
he and also give em to your your
thoroughbrefl
I will heartily returned the other
man gripping the proffered fist Be
sure to come In and see us he added
as his friend prepared to drive on
I know shell be tickled to meet a
friend of mine she isnt too high
hitched for that old man Thats her
winning quality Shes a wife fit for
a horse judge Detroit Free Press
THE QUICKEST WAY
How One Might Travel 190 Miles In
About Ten Minutes
It is estimated that if all mechanical
difficulties could be removed and suffi
cient power developed the minimum
time in which passengers could be
transports over the eighty five miles
from New York to Philadelphia would
be six minutes and forty four seconds
and for the 190 miles from Boston to
New York ten minutes and four sec
onds A correspondent of the Scien
tific American who has been working
on the problem says that the trains
would have to be run in a vacuum to
prevent their being heated to Incan
descence by the resistance of the air
They would have to be held in sus
pension in the vacuum tube through
which they traveled for the slightest
contact with the sides of the tube
would result in enormous friction
The cars might be held in suspension
by the propulsion of opposing magnets
on the cars and on the tubes respec
tively When thus isolated they could
be propelled only by the power of
magnetism The energy consumed in
propelling the cars would be compara
tively low
To avoid shock or jar the trains
would travel faster and faster until
one half of the distance should be cov
ered and then slow down until the
destination should be reached When
the rate of acceleration is just such as
can be borne with comfort the limit
is attained The effect on the passen
gers would be a continuous pressure
against the back of the seat as when a
car is started suddenly for the first
half of the journey and then in order
to preyent them from pitching out of
their seats the chairs would be turned
in the opposite direction for the rest
of the journey during which the same
sensation would be felt
At the speed named the passengers
would be traveling for each half of
the distance one third as fast as they
could fall through the same space un
der the attraction of gravity
The Two Angels
The following allegory is told among
the Turks
man has two guardian angels
one on his right shoulder and one on
his left In doing good the angel on
the right shoulder notes it down and
sets a seal upon it for what is done
is done forever When evil is com
mitted the angel on the left shoulder
writes it down but he waits until mid
night before he seals it If 03- that
time the man bows his head and says
Gracious Allah I have sinned for
give me the angel blots out the fault
but if noc he seals it at midnight and
then the angel on the right shoulder
weeps
A Canine Feat
A blind man guided by a large and
athletic dog went down the street the
other day Just as they turned a cor
ner the blind mans dog saw a dog it
knew and darted forward in a way
that threw the sightless mendicant to
the ground He was speedily assisted
to his feet however by a waggish
passerby who remarked that he had
heard some remarkable stories of the
feats performed by dogs but this was
the first time he had ever known one
to pull down the blind
Forgetful
Mistress Did you have company last
night Mary Mary Only my Aunt
Maria mum Mistress When you see
her again will you tell her she left
her tobacco pouch on the piano Illus
trated Bits
w
Lumber
and
Coal
Thats All
LXjJS2tX3gZZL
But wo can moot your
ovory need in thoso
linos from our largo
and com pie to stocks
in nil grades
Barnett Lumber Co
Phone 5
i
dta
V l
Mike Walsh
DEALER IK
POULTRY EGGS
Old Rubber Copper and Brass
Highest Market Price Paid in Cash
Now location Inst across
street in P Walsh buildin l llwUUK
nrrwviTriirwv fwwvfi Pinmm vwwwn
v-
Dr J O Bruce
OSTEOPATH
Telephone 55 AlcCook Neb 1
Office over ElecricTheatre on Alain Ave 4
Xl4illllllllXlllllttri
Dr Herbert J Pratt
REGISTERED GUADUATK
Dentist
Ollico 212J4 Main a v over McConnulls
Drug Store SlcCook Neb
Telephones Ollice tCO
Residence RIack131
P
li i vim t ft D fWE iHP y yy i i iMt fM
R H Gatewood J
DENTIST
Office Room 4 Masonic templo 3
t Phono 163 McCook Nobraska
PrtH1 iVitf fit1 tt i1 f AritoUa1 T t -
DR EARL 0 VAHUE
DENTIST
Office over JIcAdams Store Phone 190
Dr J A Colfer
DENTIST
Room Postoffice Building
Phone 378 McCOOK NEBRASKA
Bsata
BES3I
I wtM s aHl 3 -a Ja2al
BffliQwnl InlMSlIEi
MflMHffil
OVER 65 YEARS
EXPERIENCE
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vear four months tL Sold by all newsdealer
iyiUNN8Co3B1BroadNewYork
Branch Office 625 F SU Washinuton I C
BEGGS CHERRY COUGH
SYRUP cures coughs and colds
NOTICE TO LAND OWNERS
To Jonathan J Sam- C K Critchfield Heir
of Storm Brahler Heir- of Richard E Hatcher
Sarah A Jarvis Heir of Taylor K Quigley
Mae Patterson Irene Patteraon Murphy Enoch
A Sexson John Longnecker Heir- of Noah
Sawyer John B Dunlap Phebe J Taylor and
R H Taylor and to all whom it may concern
The Commissioner appointed to locate a road
commencing at the northeast corner of the
northwest quarter of section thirty three 23
Township I Range 2 in Fritsch precinct Red
Willow County Nebraska running thence
three miles on the half section lin through
sections 33 4 28 and sections 4 and 9 in Towns-hip
3 Range 25 and terminating at the south
east corner of the southwest quarter of section
nine 9i Township 3 Range hasreported in
favor of the location thereof also that the pub
lic road running north and south forthree miles
between sections 33 and 31 in Township 4 Range
2s and actions 3 and 4 and 9 and 10 in Town
ship 3 Range 25 be vacated and all objections
thereto or claims for damage must be filed in
the County Clerks oflice on or before noon of
the second day of May 1910 or said road will
be established without reference thereto
24 4ts Chas Skalla County Clerk