The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, February 24, 1910, Image 6

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Notice to Delinquents
The Publisher is removing from his subscription list the
names of all subscribers who are owing for a year or longer
This is done for two good and sufficient reasons
First we cannot afford under present exorbitant prices
to carry subscribers longer than that time
Second because the government prohibits sending at
pound rates to subscribers who are delinquent for moie than
one year
If yoi miss your paper this information will explain
Our terms are 100 per year payable in advance
THE PUBLISHER
McCook Neb Feb 24 1910
IF YOU ARE
TRY HE
GOING
TO BOILQ
PLAN
It enables yon to bar the best of ererythinir in the waj of lumber hardware mill
work paint and other building- materials all from one hujfe stock and at one time
The quality is better the servlco is more prompt and the prices are
lower than you can get elsewhere
lly tisitin our immense establishment in Council Bluffs tou can see everything
that coes into your houte or barn from the cement at the bottom to the shingles on top
Yon will know after trying the Hafor Plan that we have told the truth about
quality
You will know after comparing our figures with others that we have told the
trnth about price
You will know when you see your car arrive at the promised time that we have
told the truth about prompt service
If your order amounts to a carload we will pay jour nil road fare up to 150 miles
each way also your hotel expenses in Council II luffs
Come and see lor yourself
If you are tired of paying the trust prices demanded bv line yards if you are
tired of their delays and cheap material
THE HAFEI P
WILL REMOVE YOUK
LAN
TROUBLES
If you come to South Omaha we would like to have you visit our branch office
there Then take a troll v car over to Council Muffs Our retail yard is in the heart
of the business district We also have an immense wholesale yard be ides a mill work
factorv hardware store cement stone factory etc als o our own fir and pine lumber
and saw mills in Southern Oregon This splendid equipment renders it possible for us
to make good on every promise of
SERVICE PRICE
Oar new catalogue will soon be ready Please ask us for a copy
HAFER LUMBER CO
Council Bluffs la
Trees and Seeds That Grow
For the past 24 years we have supplied our customers
in a J btates with irees and beeds that jjtow we
carry a most complete line of Fruit and
nials Bulbs etc at low prices Annie tjafiSfsldfclPc ite 5
6c Plum 12c Cherry 15c Peach gMmr of all kinds of
5c all budded trees Con- 0g3MPm Far Ten fn
cord Grapes250 gm Fl feeds seltei
per
Write for 112
100 We nay 3jS from our large
frpjcihf nn isr page catalog and Garden Guide
m 5 ttftfSMSP We mail same free of charge to anyone
jgpg 3M interested also sample package of our New
GERMAN NURSERIES
BOX 225 BEATRICE NEB
vrivvWYfhwmr piWiWWi
V Franklin Pres G H Watkins Vice Pres
R A Greek Cshr
The Citizens National Bank
of McCook Nebraska
Paid Up Capital 50000 Surplus 25000
DIRECTORS
V Franklin A McMillen R A Green
G Watkins Vernice Franklin
Office Phone 16
Residence Black 333
Li if tw 1 j f - V VVi tf fVrtrtif i i itfii rr i1
STANSBERRY LUI1BER CO
Everything in Lumber
At Live and Let Live Prices
Phone 5o
McCOOK NEB
D W COLSON
FIRE INSURANCE AGENT
I have Residence and Business Properties for Rent
McCook Nebraska
I
HIGHPRICED McCOOK
Living expenses have advanced 50 percent in the past
few years but you can get the BEST OF ALL
KINDS OF COAL a the SAME OLD 1 RICE of the
Bullard Lumber Co
Phone No i M 0 McCLURE Mgr
n
THEGREEKS
Wil That Helped the Ancients
Drive Dull Care Away
SOME FIFTH CENTURY JOKES
Tho Abscntminded Professor Was a
Prolific Source of Merriment to the
crs of Those Days The Source
i iany Modern Jokes
The maxim that there is nothing
uow under the sun applies it would
seem more truly to jokes and wittl
cisms than to anything else The chief
differences between the jests of one
generation and that of another lie
mainly in their form The kernel is
practically the same Nevertheless it
is interesting to exhume some of these
ancient jokes and to recognize in them
tlu ancestors of the things at which
we laugh today in the pages of our
humorous publications
Some humorous writers dearly love
to make fun of the absentminded un
practical university professor who
outside of his own subject lets his
wits wander and is very slow to grasp
anything in ordinary life Such jokes
as these were cracked centuries ago
by the students and graduates of the
great universities in ancient Greece
for it is a mistake to suppose that
what we now call college life was
unknown to the ancients
As a matter of fact the student at
the University of Athens or at the
IVVrsitv f Alexandria was very
i the same sort of mortal as is
i he uident today and his professors
were not so very different
A witty JreeK named Ilierocles a
graduate of Alexandria collected some
time in the fifth century a volume of
jests which were current among the
students with regard to the woolgath
ering type of professor A number of
them are translated here as being of
considerable interest in the history of
humor and especially of college hu
mor
A professor wishing to swim was
nearly drowned whereupon he swore
that he would never touch water again
until he had learned how to swim
Of twin brothers one died A pro
fessor thereupon meeting the sur
vivor asked Is it you that died or
your brother
A professor learning that a raven
would live for more than 200 years
bought one to test the matter
A professor wishing to cross a river
went on board the boat on horseback
When some one asked the reason he
answered that he wanted to get over
in a hurry
A professor looking out of the win
dow of a house which lie had bought
asked the passersby whether the house
was becoming to him
A professor meeting another pro
fessor said I heard you were dead
And yet replied the other you see
that I am still alive Well said
the first in perplexity 1 dont know
what to believe for the man who told
me about it is a much more truthful
man than you
A professor in danger of being ship
wrecked called for his tablets that lie
might make his will Seeing thereupon
his slaves lamenting their fate he
said Do not grieve for I am going to
set you free
A professor dreamed that he had
trodden on a nail and that the wound
pained him On waking he bound up
his foot Another professor having
learned the cause remarked It served
you right for why do you sleep with
out sandals
A professor meeting a doctor hid
himself behind a wall Some one ask
ing the cause he answered I have
not been sick for so long a time I am
ashamed to come into the sight of a
physician
A professor wishing to teach his
horse to be a small eater gave him no
food at all At length the horse hav
ing starved to death the professor ex
claimed I have suffered a great loss
for just as he had learned not to eat he
died
A professor visiting a sick person
inquired about his health The invalid
however was not able to reply There
upon the professor being angry and
scolding the man said I hope that I
shall be sick some of these days and
then when you come to ask how 1 am
I will not answer
A professor sealed up a vessel of
wine which he had bought His serv
ant having made a hole in the vessel
beneath and drawn off some of the
wine the professor was astonished to
see the contents diminished while the
seals remained unbroken A neighbor
having told him to look whether it had
not been taken out from below he re
plied Whj you fool its the upper
part of the wine and not the lower
that is missing
A professor a bald man and a bar
ber traveling together agreed to keep
watch in turn four hours each while
the others slept The barbers turn
came first He quietly shaved the
head of the sleeping professor and
when the time elapsed awoke him
The latter scratching his head as he
got up and finding it bare cried out
What a rascal that barber is Hes
waked the bald man instead of me
Exchange
Legal Advice
Prisoner said the justice you are
charged with having struck the de
fendant
Yes judge I poked him but he
called me a liar
Thats no excuse
Well judge It was my first experi
ence What do you do in such cases
Judges
ZZ
LAND CRABS
Quecr Creatures That Roam In
DR JOHNSON
For-
cats Far From the Sea
One of the commonest and the lar
gest of the Christmas island land era In
is tin well known robber crab which
is found in most of the tropical islands
of the Indian and Pacific oceans It
sometimes reaches a length of two feet
rnd may measure seven inches across
the back Its colors arc of a very
gaudy description the ground color be
ing a bright red upon which there are
stripes of yellow but In some cases a
purplish blue is the prevailing tint
The eyes are fixed on stalks which
can be moved independently of one an
other and there are two pairs of feel
ers one long the other short TJie lat
ter pair are continually jerked up anl
down There is a pair of powerful
claws then several walking legs In
general appearance these animals are
much more like rather stom lobsters
than crabs and ones first encounter
with ore of these creatures in the mid
dle of a forest far from the sea is pro
ductive of much astonishment on both
sides
Another species of laud crab com
mon in Christinas island is a little
bright red animal which in general
shape is much like the common shore
crab This variety makes burrows in
the ground and in some places the
soil is honeycombed with hundreds of
holes The crabs spend most of their
time collecting dead leaves which they
carry in their claws holding them up
over their heads and drag down into
their burrows into which they scuttle
at the least alarm Pearsons Maga
zine
He Never Said a Word About Taking a
Walk Down Fleet Street
The wit and wisdom of that great
man Dr Johnson were of the sledge
hammer order and invariably preceded
by sir so that it is comparatively
eary for any one who has acquired the
trick to invent a retort or remark in
the Johnsonian style One of the most
effective of these pseudo sayings nf
the doctor Is And now sir said
Dr Johnson we will take a walk
down Fleet street There can be but
little doubt that Dr Johnson did make
this remark for he was always walk
ing down Fleet street but it is not
recorded that he did so The saying is
due to George Augustus Sala who
when the magazine Temple Bar was
being started by Mr Maxwell imag
ined a quotation from Ioswell as a
motto for the venture The thing was
intended as a joke but for a loim
while it was absolutely believed to be
a quotation from Coswell and per
haps there are still some who would
say unhesitatingly that Dr Johnson
did say the words so seemingly au
thentic are they However Sala him
self always acknowledged that he in
vented the phrase and added that to
the best of his knowledge and belief
Dr Johnson had never said a word
about taking a walk down Fleet
street There are other legends about
Johnson however which it is not so
easv to kill London Globe
Salt as a Medicine
1 have in the past seven or eight
years found the advantage of putting
a little salt in all the water I drink 1
also put a little salt with sugar and
milk in every cup of tea coffee or co
coa I use
I have been a resident in the trop
ics for over forty years and except
for a sprained ankle have not had oc
casion to call in a doctor or to take
any medicine in the last thirty years
I believe every ones health in the
tropics would be very much better if
he used more salt 1 find the benefit
of drinking a tumbler of cold water
with a little salt in it every morning
on rising at about 5 oclock before
my bath or cup of cocoa which I
usually take between 530 and U
If people could be induced to try the
easy and cheap method of taking a lit
tle common salt with the water they
drink they would in the generality of
cases find that they would seldom re
quire other medicine F N Burn in
Chambers Journal
Poisonous Gas Geyser
In the midst of the great faunal wil
derness near Nairobi Africa is a big
blowhole in the earth issuing poison
ous gases Surrounding this hole for
many yards are piled bones of dead
animals poisoned by this gas geyser
Dogs dragged by ropes over the hole
were killed in less than a minute The
gas has been found to be hydrochloric
coming from some volcanic depth
The death trap has been fenced and
billed with warnings Nw York
Press
Sprinkling a Trestle
A wooden trestle on the Klamath
Lake railroad in Oregon is protected
from fire in the dry season by a sys
tem of sprinklers which keep it con
tinually wet A pipe runs the entire
length of the trestle between the
tracks and at short distances are
holes through which the water is
sprayed over the structure Popular
Mechanics
No Use
You say Jones is down and out
Why it was only a little while ago
that he told me he had the key of
success
He did but the poor fellow wasnt
able to find the keyhole Exchange
Made Her a Fright
Mrs Jones has a new hat
Well you look mightily pleased
about It
You just ought to see how it looks
en her Houston Post
sTTjsrcraatES ra
ZiiiMNinMf9l99tB2ZIimmmummmmm
Wealth In Land
The Bitf Horn Basin the Yellowstone Valley and the large Dsy
Harinmg valleys in Wvoming along the Burlington oflec exception
al opportunities for fanners merchants mechanics and professions
men to locate near and in the new towns now springing up along Mifc
Burlingtons Mam Lines to the Northwest
All of rich farming valleys are surrounded by valuaMa
pasture land containing timber for the settlers and in most cases
oal and valuable building stone
GOVERNMENT IRRIGATED HOMESTEADS
under the Csirt y Act Deeded land and 320 acre free home
steads under the Muudel law
Go with me on one of our personally conducted land seekers
excursions first and third Tuesday of each month CHEAPRAtTFES
N 1 HESE DATES
DONT FAY RENT but send for our free folders with maps
filing all about these lands State which propose
101 in are most interested in Write today
D CLEM DEAVER General Agent
Land Seekers Information Bureau
Room 7 Q Building Omaha Net
KIf ROBES IN THE SCALP
The Latest Explanation is that Microbes
Cause Baldness
Professor Unnn of Hamburg Ge rnieny
iind lr tjitbourand of Paris Kn nee
share tho honor of hiivmt di uiivertd
1
c liair microbe
Hal lness is not caused through a few
v eHf work of these hair microbe but
s the result of conditions brought about
y their presence Bnldues may not
ccur until jears af r tlb microbes bu
gin work but it is certain to come
sooner or later
Ttiemicrobcs cue off tho blood Bupplyi
They feed on tho fatty matter about
tho roots of the hair through which
the blood is absorbed FinJlj tho fat
t matter is consumed the food t upply
of the hair is gone and it starves and
finally dies
R sorcir is ono of the most effective
germ destroyers ever discovered Beta
Naphthol is a most powerful yet
utely safe germicide and antiseptic
which prevents development of germ j
matter and creates a clean healthy
condition
Pilocarpine although not a coloring
matter or de is an ingredient well s
tublibhed for its power to restore nat
ural color to human hair when loss of
color has been caused by a disease
Hornx because of its well defined
softening and cleansing properties is j
most useful in the treatment of scalp
and hair diseases Glycerine acts us a
stimulant to tho hair bulbs and has a
sootbinir hpalinc and nouri hinir influ
ence Alcohol is iMiisuffisitme in med
icine because of its niHiseptic stimulat
ing and preservative qualities
We waut every one who has calp or
hair trouble to try Rexall 93 Hair
Tonic which contains all these ingred
ients If it does not give you complete
satisfaction in every particular we will
return every pennj you paid us for it
for the mere asking and without quest
ion or formolity
Of course you undetstanri that whpn
wh yay that Rexa 9J Hair Tonic will
prow hair we do not refer to eas es where
the roots are entirelydead the pores of
the scalp closel and the head has the
shiny appearaere of a billiard ball In
cases like there is no hope In all
other case of Inldnesa Rexall -93
Hair Tonic will rr w hair or cost the
user nothing Two sizes 00 cents and
8100 Remember j ou can obtain Rex
all Remedies in McCcok at our store
The RexallJStore L W McConnell
GUTENBERG
Invented Printing
and Since His Day
S
1 Mmfi
TYPE
has done more for the
worlds advancement
than any other thing Our type
will ADVANCE YOUR BUSINESS
OITicoovorElectric Theatre- Kooms G47 f
Dr W B Ely M D
Practico Limited Specialty
Diseases of the Rectum
Piles Fissure Ulcer
Oflico Hours 1 n in to 4 p 111 133
JOHN E KELLEY
- TT0ENEY AT LAW and
BONDED ABSTEACT325
McCook Nebraska
taBAKent of Lincoln Laud Co and of MaCuai
Wntor Works Office in Pontofflce bnildia
Middleton Ruby
PLUMBING and
STEAM FITTING
All work guaranteed
Phone 182 McCook NebraVa
A G BUMP
Real Estate
and Insurance
Room Two over McConnells dxag
Btore McCook Nebraska
F E Whitney Walter EasXar
WHITNEY HOSIER
Draymen
Prompt Services Courteous
Treatment Reasonable Prices
GIVE US A TRIAL
Office First Door
South of DeGrofPs
W
-
Let V 2o our Trinting
Phones IaaS
Black 244
FRED WIGGINS
AUCTIONEER
The Updike
QrainjCo
sells the
following coals
Nigger Head Maitlaari
Canyon City Lump
Canyon City Nut
Baldwin Lump
Iowa Lump
Pea Coal
Wier City Lump
Wier City Nni
Sheridan Egg
Rex Lump
Pennsylvania Hard Coal
S S Garvey Manager
Phone 169
will cry jmw
sales st ay
tim any
where
Bills post
ed in thtr
Sappa coun
try and ija
cups f n T
nished for
yonr fr
lunch with
out extra
charge
Terms S30
first SlOCOor
less 2 -percent
on a5
sales r u 11
nine over 1000 Dater made by The
Danbury News Danbury NebrtJkf
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