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ITHIN a few days our ears will
je filled with the deafen
ing crash of people breaking
their New Years resolutions
Three million sets of iron clad
non combustible American
crushed to earth will
remain there until dug up again
the night of December 31 1909
What has the New Year in
store for you joy or sorrow
Few to day realize what or where
they will be before the end of
1909 and attempts to prognos
ticate probably would be vain As far as destiny
is concerned the world literally lives from hand
M to month We can onlv cuess at what the next
year will bring
For William Jennings Bryan 1909 means more
lectures at so much per night For William How
ard Taft 1909 is a year of glad rejoicing for on
March 4 he assumes the presidential chair vacated
by Theodore Roosevelt Four years ago when an
attempt was made to relegate Mr Taft to the
bench of the -supreme court of the United States
he little suspected that he was material to fill the
chair at the head of the nation
Joy is mingled with sadness in President Roose
velts case and his cup is one of bitter sweet for
while he lifts the cares of the presidential office
from his head and applies his strenuosity tests
upon the habitues of the Eart African jungle he
has Bhot his bolt as far as the U S A is con
cerned there being nothing- left to conquer
But for the commonplace citizen of these United
States 1909 carries only conjecture as a rule
Lots of men and women start the year planning
to carry out -some cherished ideas whether they
will succeed being a matter that only Father
Time himself can solve
There are approximately 83000000 souls hi this
country Of that number statistics say 3000000
have drawn up sets of resolutions which if carried
out would cut a swath in the nations liquor and
lobacco traffic
From every state in the union the cry never
again arises and just a few days after the debut
of the new year the phrase gives way to a mur
mur of just one more with the eventual result
that 15 days or three weeks finds conditions once
more at a normal state
There Js a saying that a man is never great until
he dies Therefore it is generally not until the de
mise of the righteous that we learn of the man or
woman who made and kept a Ne v Years reso
lution Then the press let- us know about it and
as a rule the alleged New Years resolution which
was kept may be laid at the door of the bright
young reporter who covered the death and who
was anxious to inoculate a feature irto his story
There are thousands of ways of applying the
never again Here are a few of the more or less
popular ways
I promise never again after January 1 to
Drink intoxicants
Smoke Tobacco
Swear
Be Mean to My Wife
Keep Late Hours
Waste Money
Eat Heavy Meals -
Vote the Ticket
Grow a Mustache
Spurn the Alarm Clocks Call
Read Novels
Quit My Job
Believe Fish Tales
Play Cards
Gamble
Celebrate July 4
Dance Overtime
Ask for More Pay
Tell Lies
Wear Loud Socks
x
Flirt
Part My Hair In the Middle
Shirk Work
Watch Salome Dances
Marry
Be Conceited
Wear Merry Widow Hats
Etc
Other purely local faults are subjects of New
Years resolutions and usually the signed and
sworn document is tucked away in a corner
neglected and its contents forgotten Then the
party to the swearing off who for three days
has been telling his friends or her friends how
invigorating it feels to be once more spiritually
pure drops down a step or two and when resolu
tions are mentioned has a merry laugh and tells
about how last New Years he or she had sworn
off this and that and had had more fun with the
folks over it
At midnight each December 31 Father Time
loads up the water wagon with thousands of ex
imbibers who now are firm believers in the health
giving properties of aqua pura About 1201
a m January 1 the one who is less able to stand
the gaff of total abstinence slides off to the
ground and proceeds to ceiebro For fear that
he may be lonesome two or three others follow
him and pretty soon most of them are sliding back
to Mother Earth and alleged happiness Occa
sionally a man or two is found who keeps a reso
lution or two and then there is a place reserved
for him in the hall of fame but there are lots
of empty niches there
New Years parties attended by young people
are the breeding places for resolutions Invent
ors of games who profit thereby have gone so far
as to concoct resolution games for parties of that
sort and in some of the contests the loser is com
pelled to keep his promise to swear off this or
that if he would adhere to his or her affidavit
A story is told of a young lady and a young man
engaged to each other who attended a New Years
party The couple were extremely fond of each
other and the bride-to-be had only one objection
to her intended spouse viz that he drank intoxi
cants He was not aware that she knew it Con
sequently before the little social function she
fixed the resolution contest so he would lose
She playfully told him that he must keep his
resolution and he rather fearfully promised little
suspecting the plot
Well he lost and said he would keep the prom
ise though he lied and said he never touched a
drop in his life
I know you dont drink she breathed into
his ear from the depths of a cozy corner but I
want to be sure that you never will
Thus the young mans habit met its Waterloo
in the New Years trick of a stacked deck pro
moted by his fiancee and now five years following
their marriage his taste for spirits was declared
positively extinct by the wife in a recent coroners
inquest at the ladies sewing circle
That was one resolution which held and prob
ably will for the rest of the young married mans
life providing he doesnt get into politics But
that was one of a few When a man or woman
makes a resolution with a string attached to it
such as awarding a watching friend a few simo
leons in case the promise to abstain from some
habit is broken then the vaccination takes but
otherwise It seldom holds good for more than a
week A week is really a long stretch for the
life of a set of promises most of them expiring
with dawn of January 1 although having been
made only the previous night This new year will
see the breaking of approximately 3000000 well
founded resolutions but who cares There are
lots more New Years coming say the philoso
phers
Tt
T VJJ
rfj
LOVES SACRIFICE
Wats de matter Reginald have
youse sworn off smokln
Yes You see Im engaged now
and my fiancee objdcts to a disagree
able breath
ECZEMA ALL OVER HIM
No Nights Rest for a Year and Limit
of His Endurance Seemed Near
Owes Recovery to Cuticura
My son Clyde was almost com
pletely covered with eczema Physi
cians treated him for nearly a year
without helping him any His head
face and neck were covered with large
scabs which he would rub until they
fell off Then blood and matter would
run out and that would be worse
Friends coming to see him said that if
ho got well he would be disfigured for
life When it seemed as if he could
possibly stand it no longer I used
some Cuticura Soap Cuticura Oint
ment and Cuticura Resolvent That
was the first night for nearly a year
that he slept In the morning there
was a great change for the better In
about six weeks he was perfectly well
Our leading physician recommends
Cuticura for eczema Mrs Algy
Cockburn Shiloh O June 11 1907
Must Have Meant Him
I wish I knew said Cholly Sap
head if I have any show of winning
Miss Roxie Swellman
Well answered Miss- Peppery
from a remark of hers I think youre
her choice
Aw really What did she say
She said nobody was good enough
to be her husband
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PAZO OINTMKNT Is guaranteed to cure any case
ir Itching Blind Itlecdinir or Protruding Piles In
l to 14 days or money refunded 50e
This would be a brighter world If
the people who cant sing wouldnt
Smokers have to call for Iswis Single
Binder cigar to cct it You- dealer or
Lewis Factory Peoria 111
Its a bad thing to be known as
good thing
Kernes Balsam
Will stop any conrjh that
con be stopped by any
medicine nnd cure coughs
inn cannot be cured by an
oilier medicine
It Ss always the
cougn cure you c
aflord to fake clianqi
any other kind
KEMPS BALSAM J
coughs colds brrj
grip asthma and cl
Won In first stages
It does not contal
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any other narcotic vti
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S1GK HEADAO
CARTELS
HIVPR
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CARTERS
Fiver
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Positively cured by
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They iiIbo relieve Dis
tress from DypcpglnIn
digestion and Too Hearty
En tin p A perfect rem
edy for Dizziness Nau
en DrowhinesH Unci
Taste In tho Mouth Coat
ed Tongue Pain In the
Side TORPID LIVER
They regulate the Bowels Purely Vegetable
SMALL PILL SMALL DOSE SMALL PRICE
Genuine Must Bear
Fac Simile Signature
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Western Canada ho Pennant Winner
The Last Bssl West
ffSp
The government oi
Canada now gives
to every actual set
tler 160 acres of
wheat growing
land free and an
additional 160 acres
at 300 an acre The 300000 contented
American settlers making their homes in
Western Canada is the best evidence ot
the superiority of that country They are
becoming rich growing from 25 to 50
uusneis wneat to ine acre 00 to 1 10 bush
els oats and 45 to 60 bushels barley be
sides having splendid herds of cattle raised
on the prairie grass Dairying is an im
portant industry
The crop of 1908 still keeps Western Canada
in the lead The world will soon look to It aa
Its food producer
Tho tlilnfj which most Impressed us was tho
ruacnitudu or tlio country that Is avall iblo lor
agricultural purposes JSutloiuil Editorial
Vorresponilence 1jvS
Low railway rates Rood schools and churches
markets convenient prices the highest climate
perfect
Lands arc for sale by Railway and Land Com
panies Descriptive pimpiilets and maps fcent free
or railway rates and other Infomittivn apply to
Superintendent of Immlcration Ottawa Canada of
the authorized Canadian Government Agent
W V BENNETT
801 New lork Life Dnilding Omalia NeorasSs
PARKERS S
HAIR BALSAM
Cleanjes and beautifies tho hols
lroniote3 a Inrurxnt growth
Never Falls to Hestoro Gray
ndr to Its Youthful Color
Cures ielp diirases hilr lulling
SOe and 3 LOO at Drayritta
IffiEoSi ELEGTB07YPES
In grratvarlctvforsalo at the lowest prices by
A V hKMOMJMilYSrlllUUI T3UAlira HIUiieigo
rocyosrusejThompsonsfiye Wafer
w N Uf OMAHAi NO 52t ig08
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g s f rQrZmWffih tam It is the delight
5 laundress Once tried
6 J It I tbey will use no other It is pure and
ffi i II I I is guaranteed not to injure the most
1 II I I delicate fabric It is sold by the
i II 3est grocers at ioc a package Each
B J package contains iO ounces Other
j I starches not nearly so good sell at
a the same price per package but they contain only 12 ounces of starch
1 Consult your own interests Ask for DEFIANCE STARCH get it and we
9 know you will never use any other
X3Ki
A TEARING TERRIBfF Oiraw
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