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DR R J GUNN
DENTIST pone
Office Booms 3 and 5 Walsh Blk McCook
A G BUMP
Real Estate
and Insurance
First door south of Fearns gallery
McCook Nebraska
C H Boyle
pfflHE2sj2
C EEldeed
BOYLE ELDRED
Attorneys at I aw
Long Distance Ione 44
Rooms 1 and 7 second floor M Neb
PoEtoflico Building MCtOOt ACQ
ttX
H P SUTTON
McCOOR
Barber Shop
Rear of ist National Hank
Newly Furnished
3MI and First Class In Every
Particular
Earl Murray
v
JEWELER
MUSICAL GOODS
NEBRASKA
JOHN E KELLEY
ATTOKftEY AT LAW and
BONDED ABSTRACTED
McCook Nebraska
CSAgent of Lincoln Land Co and of McCook
Waterworks Office in Postoflice building
YOU WOULD DO WELL TO SEE
J M Rupp
FOR ALL KINDS OF Rpj Qp
P O Bos 131 McCook Nebraska
McCook Laundry
G C HECKMAN Prop
Dry and Steam Cleaning and
Pressing
GATEWOOD VAHUb
to
DENTISTS
Office over McAdams Store Phone 1 90
eeeeeeeeeeeseeeeeeesejss
Mr
tie
iH
FOR LOANS AHD INSURANCE
Farms Wild Lands and City
Property at owners prices
Properties of non residents
looked after Write for infor
mation
WCM0YERMgr
Tfc
The Security Abstract g
and Realty Company
399S899399 99S399S95SS
TO
W
TO
TO
TO
TO
TO
TO
P
tor
Autumn Special
iaiCS
Cheap One Way Colonists
RateS Daily during October to Pa-
cine Coast and far west points
at about half rates
To the East he Jw raf
town Exposition tick
ets ean be used for your autumn trip to
New York Boston and other eastern
cities These are the last cheap rates of
the season
Homeseekers Excursions
Cheap rate excursions the first and
third Tuesdays of each month this au
tumn to Kansas Oklahoma the Gulf
country Colorado Utah Wyoming Big
Horn Basin Montana and the North
west Ask your nearest agent or write
the undersigned
Big Horn Basin and Billings
District erun personally conduct-
ed cheap rate homeseekers
excursions to help you locate on irrigate
ed lands at the lowest prices they will
double in value in five years Join me
on these excursions No charge for
services Write D Clem Deaver Agent
Burlington Landseekers Bureau Omaha
GEORGE S SCOTT
Ticket Agent McCook Neb
L W WAKELEY G P A Omaha Neb
J
KAJ
S
-
The
crap
Book
What to Do Whtn You Drop an Egg
At a breakfust party In England
which Joseph H Choate attended while
he was American ambassador a young
lady at his right accidentally spilled
the contents of her plate
Oh Mr Choate she exclaimed I
dont know what to do for Ive dropped
an egg on the floor
If I were you Id cackle
CALUMNY
A whisper woke the air i
A soft light tone and low
Yet barbed with shame and woe
Ah Might it only perish there
Nor farther go
But no A quipk and eager ear
Caught up the little meaning sound
Another voice has breathed it clear
And so it wandered round
From ear to lip from lip to ear
Until it reached a gentlo heart
That throbbed from all the world apart
And that it broke
Frances Sargent Osgood
A Remarkable Baby
A teacher disturbed by giggling call
ed upon one of the culprits to tell him
the cause
Please sir responded the lad
Turner says a baby who was fed ele
phants milk gained ten pounds a day
Turner said the teacher sternly
you should not tell lies
But Its true sir rejoined Turner
Whose baby was it
The elephants sir
Kicked the Wrong Man
A young married man in Boston met
a friend of his bachelor days and in
sisted on his coming home with him to
lunch His wife was unprepared for
visitors and calling him aside told
him she had only one dozen oysters
and that when his friend had eaten
his quota of four he must not be asked
to take any more In spite of his prom
ise to remember when the guest had
eaten his four the host pressed him to
take more The wife looked distressed
and the friend declined every time the
husband asked
Later the wife said to her husband
How could you urge him to have
more oysters when I had explained to
you that there werent any more
Im very sorry said the penitent
husband but I forgot all about it
Forgot about it What do you sup
pose I was kicking you under the ta
ble for
But you didnt kick me
As She Heard It
A fashionable woman had a bit of
statuary bearing the inscription Kis
met A housemaid dusting the room
asked the mistress
Shure maam whats the manin
of the writin on the bottom of this
Oh you mean Kismet It means
fate
Bridget was limping painfully when
out with her sweetheart not long aft
erward and apologetically explained
Faith I have the most tlrrible corns
on me kismet Ladies Home Jour
nal
A Sermon and Its Reminder
A Brooklyn minister gave a scathing
discourse on the evil effects produced
by bad example and exhorted all mem
bers of his congregation not to counte
nance by their presence such a place
At the close of the service a member
accosted the church warden and said
How was that for a sermon
Great I hope it will bear fruit
was the reply
What did you snap your fingers
for
Why it reminded me thats the
place where I left my umbrella
Contortional
During a husking bee in Maryland
two young people were missed
I wonder where Nellie and Jim are
somebody exclaimed
A small boy edged his way forward
and pointing toward the vague dark
ness beyond the barn door said
Theyre out there klssin their
selves Lipplncotts
A Matter of Doctors
There were two sisters living in
Michigan said Senator Burrows who
warred constantly about the two great
schools of medicine One pinned her
faith to allopathy and the other to
homponnthv
in the family of the lady who believed
hurry Well she said now see whats
happened I wanted you to have a
homeopathic doctor After this I guess
you will listen to me
Agreeable Men
Speaking of the philosophical temper
there is no class of men whose society
is more to be desired for this quality
than that of plumbers They are the
most agreeable men I know and the
boys in the business begin to be agree
able very early In the dryest summer
days my garden fountain became dis
abled The pipe was stopped up A
couple of plumbers with the imple
ments of their craft came out to view
the situation There was a good deal
of difference of opinion about where
the stoppage was I found the plum
bers perfectly willing to sit down and
talk about it talk by the hour
HliBiri jhmiiiiiiii i i jlihiwiHHM i IjiwlMIFlffiiiiiiiii n in
would await his return with the mout
exemplary patience and sit down and
talk always by the hour I do not
know but It Is a habit to have some
thing wanted at the shop They seem
ed to me very good workmen and al
ways willing to stop and talk about tho
job or anything else when I went near
them Two of them will sometimes
wait nearly half a day while a com
rade goes for a tool I think they
have very nearly solved the problem of
life It Is to work for other people
never for yourself and get your pay by
the hour You then have no anxiety
and little work Working by the hour
tends to make one moral I never
heard a plumber swear or exhibit the
least Impatience at any small vexation
working by the hour Nothing can
move a man who is paid by the hour
now sweet the flight of time seems to
his calm mind Charles Dudley War
ner
Indignation Unexpressed
A letter dictated by an old gentle
man runs thus Sir my stenographer
being a lady cannot take down what I
think of you I being a gentleman
cannot express it but you being nei
ther can readily divine it
Lamb With Mint Sauce
I was walking down an English
lane with an English girl on an Au
gust afternoon said Richard Le Galll
enne The suipshone through a soft
base and In the green fields many
white lambs played
Is it any wonder I said that po
ets from time Immemorial have made
the lamb the emblem of innocence
The young girl smiled radiantly
Lambs she said are indeed de
lightful animals especially with mint
sauce
At Supper With the Legislators
A drummer stopped at a hotel In
Montpelier Yt when the legislature
was in session It was the headquar
ters of many legislators
At the supper table they began to
call upon each other to pass the food
In this wise Will the man from Brad
ford please pass the rolls Will the
gentleman from Essex pass the pie
Would the man from Portland please
pass the butter
The drummer had been unable to get
anything and during a brief interval
of quiet he turned to the colored waiter
and remarked Will the gentleman
from Ethiopia please pass the bread
She Knew Him
An architect remarked to a lady that
he had been to see the great nave in
the new church The lady replied
Dont mention names I know the
man you refer to
Grandpa Objects
An elderly Washingtonian was re
cently discussing with a lady the bring
ing up of the children of the present
day when he declared that for un
adulterated impudence and assurance
the American child Is without an equal
While enjoying a stroll In a suburb
the other afternoon said he I was
approached by a boy of I should say
twelve years
Hello grandpa Have you seen
my dog he asked
How dare you address me in that
way I exclaimed
Dont let that produce insomnia
grandpa Im not trying to make a hit
with you Either you have seen my
dog or you have not If you havent
of iniquity as Coney Island At this well part m a friendly way with no
one of the church wardens excitedly clothes torn if you have then please
snapped his finders I produce the pup Its a Boston bull
thoroughbred a prize winner and an
swers to the name of Booties Any
thing doing in the canine line
I have not seen your dog
Then au revoir grandpa shouted
the little fiend as he darted away
Lipplncotts
The Difference
You are ruled said a Briton by a
lot of vulgar rascals whom you would
never dream of meeting socially dont
you know
Yes replied the American but In
England you are ruled by a lot of peo
ple who would never dream of meeting
you socially
His Unlucky Days
Seated in a row on the porch of an
old country inn with their chairs
tipped back some old cronies were go
ing on about unlucky days After all
had given what they considered their
unlucky days a quiet old chap at ono
end spoke up
Aali tell ye ma unlucky days Aas
fund oot In ma time that its unlucky
te be struck leetning on a Monday
One day there was great excitement
or te be catched wiv a circular saw on
in allopathy and it was soon an- iUUSUU U1 Le - uiuuiuu mi
a Wednesday or te be run ower by a
nounced that she was the mother of
motor car on a Thursday or lose a ten
twin boys
Pun noto on a Friday or be bitten
The other sister came down in a
by a mau uog on a featuraay and hev
nowt for dinner on the Sunday
Ladies Home Journal
Sheer Waste of Money
At the Metropolitan club of Wash
ington Justice Harlan had introduced
to him a well known New York busi
ness man With the apparent purpose
of impressing those about him the
New Yorker remarked that his income
exceeded 100000 And I simply
have to make that amount he added
Why it costs me 80000 a year to
live
Dear me said Justice Harlan
blandly Really thats too much I
wouldnt pay it it isnt worth it
A Chance to Branch -A
colored preacher would never be-
The come ordalnedtfbelng content to remain
work dragged a little as it Is apt to Just an exhorter One of his
do by the hour Sometimes they would tlon asked him about It
find upon arrival that they had forgot- Well Ifs dls way said he When
ten some Indispensable tool and one yous a preacher yous gotter have a
i would go back to the shop a mile and tex an stick right close to It but If
O half after It and his companion yous only a exhorter yon kin branch
amjsssmfSSmt -
CITY LODGE DIRECTORY
A r A M
McCook Lodso No 135 A F A M meet
every 11m unci third Tunxiluy of the month at
8 00 p in in Masonic hall
ClIAKLKH L Faiikustocic W M
Lov Cone Sec
DEOUKEOF HONOll
McCook Lodge No 3 D of II incuts every
second and forth Fridays of ouch mouth utS0U
p m in Gunschowa hall
Miw Laura Osiiurx C of H
Mits MatieG Welles Rec
KAOIKS
McCook Aorio No lfiH F OI2 muots th
secoud and fourth Wednu deys of each mouth
ut80 pm in Oant cliowV hall Sociul meei
iiiKS on the first and third Wtdnoidays
W II Cummins W Ires
II P Petekson W tJec
KAHTERN STAR
Euroka Chapter No fcG O E S moots the
socond and fourth Fridnys of each month at
800 p m in Masonic hall
Mrs Sarah E Kay W M
Sylvester Cordeal Sec
a A R
J K Harnos Post No 207 G A It moots on
the first Saturday of i uch month at250 p m
Guuschows hull
J M Henderson Cniudr
J II 1AHGER Adjt
KNIGHTS OF COLUMRUH
McCook Council No 1120 K of C meots tho
llrst and third Tuosduys of each month atS00
p in in Ganschowb hull
C J Ryan G K
F G Lechleiter F Soc
KNIGHTS OF PYTHIAS
McCook LodKo No 42 K of P moots overy
Wednesday at 800 p in in Masonic hall
J F Cordeal C C
C W Barnes K R S
KNIGHTS TEMPLAR
St John Commandery No 10 K T meots on
tho secoud Thursday of each month at 800 p
in in Masonic hull
Emerson IIanson E C
Sylvester Cordeal Rec
LOCOMOTIVE ENGINEERS
McCook Division No G2 H of L E meets
overy first and third Saturduy of each monthat
800 in Berrys hall
W C Scheatk C E
W D Burnett F A E
LOCOMOTIVE FIREMEN
McCook Lodwe No WJ B of L F E
meets every Saturday at 8 00 p m in Gaus
chows hull
W R Pennington M
W S Bixler Sec
modern woodmen
Noblo Camp No 66H M W A meots evory
second and fourth Thursday of each mouth at
830 p m in Ganschows hall
John Hunt V C
Barney Hofer Clerk
ODD FELLOWS
McCook Lodge No 137 1 0 0 F meets overy
Monday at 800 p m in Ganschows hall
E H Doan N G
Scott Doan Sec
j p e o
Chaptor X P E O meets the second and
fourth Saturdays of each month at 230 p m
at the homes Of tho various members
Mrs C W Britt Pros
Mrs J G Schobel Cor Sec
RAILWAY CONDUCTORS
Harvey Division No 95 O R C moots the
second and fourth Sundays of each month at
300 p m in Diamonds hall
Joe Hegenbergeb C Con
M O McCluee Sec
EAILWAY TRAINMEN
C W Bronson Lodgo No 487 B of R T
meets every Friday at S00 p in in Berrys
hall
H W Conover M
F J Huston Sec
workmen
McCook LodKo No 61 AOUW meots ovey
Monday at 800 p m in Diamonds hall
Web Stephens M W
C B Gray Bee
n a si
Kin Cyrus Chapter No i3 K A M moots
uvury first and third Thursday of each month nt
800 p in in Masonic hull
OlaiuvciH Okay II P
Clinton U Sawyer Sue
ROYAL NKIOHIIOKH
Noble Camp No PCI It N A moot vry
second and fourth Thursday of each mouth at
220 p in in Gunschowa hull
Mits Mary Walker Oracle
Mrs Augusta Anion lhc
v H M
Council NolORSM meets on
the last Saturday of each month at 800 p in
in Masonic hall
ItAiru A IIaoiieko T I M
Syvlesteu Corweai Soc
w o w
Meots sucond and fourth Thursdays at 8
oclock in Diamonds hall
Ciiah F Markwad C C
W C MOYKR Clt rk
J XL WODDEJLL
JVIcCOOK NEB
LIVE STOCK and REAL ESTATE
AUCTIONEER
rgCal at Citizens Bank For Dates
Dn A DIINCJI
OSTEOPATHIC PHYSICIAN
and OPTICIAN
Oflico days Tuesdays Wednes
days Thursdays mid Saturdays
Ofheo in Post Office Bldg - Phono 13
BEGGS CHERRY COUGH
SYRUP Cures BRONC iii
IRJw
iwM
common procession Distinctive
Stylish Perfectly Tailored
Better Fitting Shape Retaining
All Sizes 30 to 38 Prices 15 to 30
TARTSCH
THE CLOTHIER
SWJP
Chance for Tribune Readers
In order to teat tho Tribunoa largo
circulation and its suporior advertising
vnlue wo hnvo made arrangements with
C R Wood worth the popular druggist
to olFur ono of his boat soiling modicinea
at half price to nnyono who will cut
out thofollowiug eoupor and present it
nt his store
COUPON
This counou ontitlos tho holder to ono S0c
packnKo of Dr Howards spooillc for tho
cure of constipation and dyspopsta at hall
prico 21c I will refund tho inouoy to any
dissatislled customer
C R WOODWORTH it Co
Twenty Five Cents
Dr Howards specific has mado many
retnarkablo euros right horo in McCook
and so positive is Druggist C R Wood
worth of its grunt superiority in curing
ilyypfpsia constipation sick headache
and liver troubles that he will iu addi
tion to soiling it at half price refund
the money to anyono whom it does not
cure If you cannot cull at his storo
cut out tho coupon and mail it with 21
cfuts and a B0 cont box of tho specific
will bo sont jou by mail chnrges paid
The McCook Tribune
for 100 per Year
Clothes of Distinction
Ederheimer Stein
Suits for the Young Fellows
THIS store cannot do you a
prenter nersonal service
or benefit itself more than by
helping you to secure the best
clothes of leading makers at
prices you can afford to pay
Theres no reason why it cant
do this theres every reason
why it should unques
tionably it does when
it offers you this
Ask to
stylish reliable
make
See the Longworth
A style far in advance of the
mw twsmi sM xiwvvmf tr mi- vj m
Vfl f
Our
Best
Offer
THE McCOOK TRIBUNE and
THE WEEKLY INTER OCEAN
Both a Full Year For Only
1
All the News of the World and Home I
Only TwentyFive Cents More Than the
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The Weekly Inter Ocean Contains Each Week
21 columns of news
14 columns of talks by a practical farmer on
farm topics economical machinery planting
growing and storing of fruits and vegetables
breeding and marketing of live stock
20 or more Lost and Found Poems and Songs
1 column of Health and Beauty Hints
Best short and continued stories Ches and
Checkers Puzzles and Complications Dr
Eeeders Home Health Club Miscellaneous
Questions and answers Poems of the Dav a
special Washington letter taking cartoons
and illustrations
5 columns of live entertaining editorials
7 columns of Hvp stock and market reports
40 questions and answers by readers on anything
pertaining to the business of farming garden
ing raising of live stock and poultry etc etc
10 to 20 questions on veterinary subjects
7 columns of information on recipes patterns
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14 to 21 columns of stories of public men his
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Rev Dr Quayle of Chicago and the Sunday
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These features together with a Special Magazine Department make
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