L
Pim
1
r
Sim Pecks Deer Hunt
A self conscious young clergyman
was supplying the pulpit of a coun
try church After the service he asked
a deacon what he thought of this
mornings effort
Waal answered the old man slow
ly it reminded me of Sim Pecks first
deer hunt when he was green He
followed the deers tracks all right
but he followed em all day in the
wrong direction
A Militant Republican
Congressman John Sharp Williams
tells of the militant republicanism of
zl man he met In Rome several years
ago The man was a merchant in a
- small town in New York t
Ode morning they went out for a
rMe in a victoria and passed King
Humbert The people lifted their hats
to the king and he bowed in return
As his carriage passed the one in
which Williams and his friend were
riding Mr Williams lifted his hat and
the king bowed and smiled The
- chant sat bolt upright looking straight
ahead and did not raise his hat
Dont you know who that is
asked Williams
Yes Its King Humbert I recog
nized him the minute I saw him
Then why didnt you bow to him as
I did
The merchant stiffened in his seat
and squared his shoulders
I dont bow to no kings he said
The Real Thing In Ancestors
Have ye anny ancisters Mrs
ly asked Mrs OBrien
An phwats ancisters
Why people you shprung from
Listen to me Mrs OBrien said
Mrs Kelly impressively I come
from the rale shtock av Donahues thot
sphring from nobody They shpring
at thim Ladles Home Journal
Both Should Be Thankful
Mgr Farley was crossing one day
from New Haven to Dieppe when a
young Frenchman attempted to take
lim in hand This young man scoffed
at religion and at clergymen but he
was unable to draw the monsignores
fire
Finally the foolish youth resorted to
sheer impudence
Gentlemen he
ii i mm i ii imaeMMumwt
OUR PRESIDENT
MILLARD FILLMORE
The thirteenth president of the United States succeeded to the presidency
-at the death of Zachary Taylor July 9 1850 He was born In Cayuga county
N T In 1800 For many years he practiced law at Buffalo lie served sev
eral terms in congress and was elected vice president on the Whig ticket with
Zachary Taylor In 1848 During his presidency diplomatic relations were
established with Japan and the famous slavery compromise measures were
passed Fillmore was the candidate of the Know Nothing party In 1856 but
received the electoral vote of only one state Maryland He died In Buffalo
in 1874
The
-
Scrap Book
Engaged
A well known evangelist at the close
of one of his most stirring addresses
approached a big stolid looking Ger
man in the congregation who had paid
the closest attention to the discourse
Are you a Christian asked the
evangelist
Nein Sherman
Oh German Well would you not
like to become a Christian and work
ior the Master
Nein I have youst got a shob to
drive an ice wagon
ASPIRATION
I am the blush of the summer rose
The flush of the morn
The smile on the face of the dead
The song newly born
From heart of the poet from shell of the
sea
From rush of the river that oceanward
flows
I am immortal Who knows me is slad
Men give me the name
Of passions that kindle the soul
Love faith beauty fame
I dwell with all these yet am higher
than all
Without me the angels of heaven were
sad Edith Willis Linn
wmxhig in the clergymans direction
gentlemen I am informed that in the
strange laud of Madagascar whenever
they hang a priest they hang a donkey
along with him
The young man laughed and Mgr
Farley looking at him mildly said
Well let us both be thankful my
young friend that we are not In Mad
agascar
Chickens of Leisure
Mrs Goldveln of Cripple Creek hav
ing come into a fortune through a lucky
strike set up a country home near
Denver where she lived in style One
day while she was showing some of
her old time friends about the place
they came to the poultry yard
What beautiful chickens the vis
itors exclaimed
All prize fowl haughtily explained
the hostess
Do they lay every day was the
next questiou
Oh they could of course but in our
position it is not necessary for them to
do so Lippincotts
Met His Match
When Alexis Caswell was president
of Brown university a student named
Betterly called on him After convers
ing a moment upon the object of his
visit the president asked him his name
and upon being told said jovially
Your name would be better without
the last syllable wouldnt it
Yes replied the student with a
laugh and wouldnt yours be as well
without the C
Took Him at His Word
The late Bishop Thomas Frederick
Davies of Detroit once told an inter
esting story of an elopement He fig
ured in this elopement as the officiat
ing clergyman It was in Philadelphia
during his rectorship of St Peters
The proprietor of one of the largest
dry goods houses in Philadelphia had
noticed for some months the melan
choly attitude of his head clerk a
young man whom he held in high re
gard
The clerks pallor and increasing
leanness his frequent sighs and ab
sentmindedness worried the million
aire proprietor He questioned the
young man daily Finally the cark
admitted that he wus In love
Well said the head marry her
Your salary is big enough
Ah said the clerk sadly you
dont understand She belongs to one
of the first families of Philadelphia
and her father is a millionaire
Well maybe he wasnt when he
married You have a good position and
a good name You are a fair match
for any girl
Its no use sighed the clerk Her
parents would not listen to me for one
moment
Then elope with her
Do you advise that the clerk
asked excitedly
Certainly I do Is she Do I know
her
Yes She will be at your dance at
Devon tomorrow night
Well see here Ill have my coach
man out in front of my gate at 930
Rush the girl off into town and marry
her Ill arrange with a clergyman for
you
By Jove said the clerk Ill do it
And he did The next night Dr
Davies performed the ceremony and
an hour or two later the millionaire
found his daughter missing and was
telegraphing In every direction to the
young couple to come home and all
would be forgiven
Several Ways to Hatch Chickens
The teacher had been talking about
a hen sitting on eggs and with the in
cubator in his mindaskedif eggs
rnr4
111 iliilW
could be hatched way
Yes put cm under a duck was the
response
Something Had to Be Done
The visiting minister wus walking
along the shady country road to a
church where he was to preach that
day when he saw a little boy digging
vigorously into the bank by the road
side ne stopped and asked the boy
why he worked so hard on Sunday
Im digging for a woodchuck sir
replied the boy
Well my son dont you know it is
wrong to do that on Sunday and you
wont get him
Not get him exclaimed the boy
why Ive got to get him The minis
ters coming to our house to dinner to
day and we aint got any meat
Ladies Home Journal
His P S
A young countryman was courting a
city bred damsel and proposed to her
by letter He added a P S Please
let me have your answer by return
post as I have somebody else in my
eye
An All Round Misfit
The late James McNeil Whistler was
standing bareheaded in a hat shop the
clerk having taken his hat to another
part of the shop for comparison A
man rushed in with his hat in his
hand and supposing Whistler to be a
clerk angrily confronted hi
See here he said this t doesnt
fit
Whistler eyed the stranger critically
from head to foot and then drawled
out
Well neither does your coat
Whats more if you will pardon my
saying so Ill be hanged if I care
much for the color of your trousers
Everybodys
Perkin Warbecks Parents
King Edward asked Prince Edward
of Wales what he was studying and
the little prince said All about Perkin
Warbeck Asked who War beck was
he replied He pretended he was the
son of a king but he wasnt He was
the son of respectable parents
His Fighting List
Mike sat busily engaged in copying
the names of the male population of
the immediate vicinity His good wife
noting the apparent industry of her
lord asked what he was doing
Begorra an its wroitin the names
o the min phwat Oi kin lick so Oi
am he exclaimed
A few minutes later the woman put
on her shawl and went to Pat OLea
rys humble home where she inform
ed Tat that she saw his name was on
the list
Without waiting to don his coat
OLeary sallied forth in search of Mike
who was found still engaged at the
list
Moike said Pat in a tone that
sounded like the thunders of heaven
they say as how yez air makin a
lisht o the felleys 3ez kin lick an
thot me names on it
An so tis retorted Mike
But rist yer sowl exclaimed Pat
shaking his fist close to Mikes pro
boscis yez cant do it
Thin Oill scratch yer name off
said Mike feebly and he continued
adding to the list
Handicapped but Healthy
Shure its married I am Malone
since I last saw ye an Ive got a fine
healthy bhoy which the neighbors say
is the very picter of me
Och well whats the harrum bo
long as the childs healthy
The Wrong Number
Patrick was working in the yards of
a railroad One day he happened to
be in the yard office when the force
was out The telephone bell rang vig
orously several times and he at last
decided it ought to be answered He
walked over to the instrument took
down the receiver and put his mouth to
the transmitter just as he had seen
others do
Hillo he called
Hello Is this eight-six-one-five-nine
Aw gwan Phwat dye tink Oi
am a box car
Mutual Recognition
A southern lawyer had gone to a
northern state to practice his profes
sion but as he got no clients and stood
a good chance of starving he decided to
return south Without any money he
got into a train for Nashville Tenn
Intending to seek employment as a re
porter on one of the newspapers When
the conductor called for his ticket he
said I am on the staff of of
Nashville I suppose you will pass
me
The conductor looked at him sharply
The editor of that paper is in the
smoker Come with me If he identi
fies you all right
He followed the conductor Into the
smoker and the situation was explain
ed Mr Editor said Oh yes I rec
ognize him as one of the staff If is all
right
Before leaving the train the lawyer
sought the editor Why did you say
you recognized me Im not on your
paper
Im not the editor either Im trav
eling on his pass and was scared to
death lest you should give me away
The Priest and the Rabbi
Father Kelly and Rabbi Levi were
seated opposite each other at a ban
quet where some delicious roast ham
was served and Father Kelly made
comments upon Its flavor Presently
he leaned forward and In a voice that
carried far he addressed his friend
Rabbi Levi when are yoji going
to become liberal enough to eat ham
At your wedding Fnther Kelly
retortec the rabbi
Strange Doings
Of Animals
P
RESIDENT ROOSEVELTS
criticism of the so called na
ture fakir writers has had
one unexpected result It has
produced a crop of stories about the
strange doings of animals all labeled
as true and some of them accompanied
with affidavits The students of ani
mals do not all agree about the
amount of Intelligence the latter pos
sess John Burroughs says The wild
creatures get up no private theatricals
for our benefit There are no well or
ganized games there are no arts and
cmfts exhibitions There Is only a
world of unreasoning wild things be
having as tfiey have behaved since
man has known them each after his
kind
That represents one side of the con
troversy On the other hand in defin
ing his point of view as a writer about
animals Dr William J Long who was
criticised by President Roosevelt
says I describe the unusual things
among wild animals and call them
unusual and so make you Interested In
the animal so that you will watch
and find out other interesting things
for yourself
One of Dr Longs stories to which
objection has been made by other natu
ralists tells how a wolf killed a deer by
a quick snap under the stags chest
just behind the forelegs where the
heart lay Mr Burroughs says no
wolf could do It that he would have to
have teetli eight or nine inches long to
reach the heart Dr Long says the
point of a deers heart lies close against
the chest walls and when the walls
sink at each respiration a very slight
wound between the ribs or through the
breast cartilage is all that is necessary
to reach it
Another story told by Dr Long and
accompanied by a stack of affidavits
recited how a woodcock set Its own
broken leg in clay and stood on the
other leg while the clay hardened Mr
Burroughs said this was too much for
him to believe but Dr Long has come
k4
tdhypM
JOHN BURROUGHS AT SLABSIDES
CABIN IN THE WOODS
HIS
to the front with the following duly
testified to by S M Reese of Gal
ion O
One day when hunting woodcock I shot
one which had evidently broken its leg
There was a bandage around It composed
of clay interwoven with grass or a woody
fiber of some kind The bones seemed to
have knit together perfectly The swell
ing was nearly all gone the bandage was
loose and in my opinion would soon have
dropped off I gave the leg with the
bandage on it to one of our leading phy
sicians and surgeons who expressed him
self emphatically saying that it was a
better job than many surgeons could do
Dr Coyle kept the woodcocks leg at his
office and later exhibited it at a conven
tion of physicians and surgeons of this
county
Dr William T Hornaday director of
the New York Zoological park gives
animals credit for the possession of
more reasoning power than Mr Bur
roughs does but he says there is a lim
it to their capacity to reason and he
characterizes Dr Long as a highly
imaginative nature writer But Dr
Hornaday can tell some pretty good
stories himself He relates how a wise
ourangoutang at the Bronx zoo refused
to be trained by his keepers to do any
thing but in playing by himself with a
stick one day he found out after nu
merous trials how to use it as a lever
He was as Jubilant over the discovery
as Archimedes himself could have been
Armed with the knowledge of what he
could accomplish with his lever he set
to work to pry apart the bars of his
cage and his scientific propensities
soon had to be curbed
From the zoological gardens in Cen
tral park New York comes the story
of how a baby leopard adopted a baby
sparrow The strange pair seemed to
appreciate each others company and
apparently were a loving couple The
leopard about three months old was
placed in a cage by itself and
given some shin bones of beef with
which it might strengthen its jaws and
sharpen its teeth A half grown spar
row flew into the Inclosure The leop
ard eyed the bird narrowly for a mo
ment and then crept toward It The
sparrow not In the least afraid began
picking small pieces of meat from one
of the shin bones and the leopard In
stead of gobbling it down at one gulp
began licking the little thing in a ca
ressing way Then the leopard laid
down and the sparrow flew upon Its
back and remained there After a
time it flew away but a little later
came back Every time the bird flew
away the leopard got on to its feet and
watched and waited till the sparrow
returned The bird spent the afternoon
cither pecking about the cage or roost
ing on the leopards back
She Knew
Husband My dear Emily why Is It
I am always In the wrong Wife Be
ause I am always in the right
Philadelphia Inquirer
-
WORM EATING
One of tho Trades Classed at Dan
gorous In England
Time was when It was difficult to
obtain nu antique oak escritoire or a
set of twelve solid dining room chairs
for anything less than 10 But Nous
avons change tout cela as they say In
Brittany Nowadays thanks to the
Indefatigable labors of the worm
cater wo can purchase furniture of al
most any age in almost any condi
tion of senile decay for a modest sum
The worm eater Is Indeed a public ben
efactor one who does good by stealth
and would blush to find it fame if he
had not long ago renounced the gentle
art of blushing
He is usually an elderly man witli a
slight limp is the worm eater In ear
ly youth lie was apprenticed to a job
bing house carpenter but by sheer
ability by pluck grit perseverance and
the exercise of those qualities of body
and mind which men call genius ho
lias risen above his station and the
sphere In which lie was born and now
occupies a position in the professional
world as far above that of his original
employer as Portland place Is above
Pimlico lie Is not however unduly
uplifted by success He does not de
sert his old master Nny more upon
ids talents do the finances of his em
ployer largely depend Vainly may the
carpenter piece together fragments of
deal into the shape of a bureau vainly
may he turn empty wrden biscuit
boxes into cabinets The public will
not look at his wares until the master
hand of the worm eater lias been laid
upon these trumpery modern fabrics
with a mellowing touch that is only
comparable to that of Father Time
Wresting the common deal armchair
from the clutch of the carpenter our
hero proceeds to paint it all over with
a solution of beer and boot blacking
until it presents the appearance of ex
treme age He then takes a diminutive
gimlet from his pocket and makes a
number of minute holes In the legs and
back of the chair until even an expert
would think that a worm had been
making its mighty nest for centuries
in the wood from which this article of
furniture is manufactured The worm
is natures lathe He turns things
while you wait hence the old saying
to the effect that the worm will turn
You cannot prevent him
The chair is now ready to be dis
played In the window of Ye Olde An
tique Secondu Hande Furniture
Shoppe where it will be labeled A
Bargain Only 37 Supposed to have
been one of the Duke of Buckinghams
family seats And it will eventually be
bought by a wealthy American million
aire who wishes to furnish Ills homo
in Mogsville Yat in a style some three
centuries anterior to the discovery of
his continent You may wonder per
haps why I have included the profes
sion of the worm eater in the list of
dangerous trades The danger with
which tho worm eater is invariably
faced is that at any moment lie may bo
found out and sentenced to six months
hard labor for intent to defraud Tru
ly tis a hard life and worthy of all
3our sympathies London Tatier
Talking About the Baby
When the visitors asked tho mother
how old her infant was she replied
without hesitation that he was four
months
Why no he isnt corrected the fa
ther who sat near by he is only three
and a half months
I suppose I shall have to learn it
said the young mother resignedly I
feel that In a very short while I shall
be doing the very thing for which 1
laughed at mothers in the days before
I was married Then when thev told
me the ages of their Infants in months
weeks and days I thought it was su
premely silly When one would say to
me Willie Is three months three
weeks and four days old I was wont
to shrug my shoulders and wonder
why she didnt put it in round num
bers Four months would be near
enough in all conscience I would say
to myself
Also I used to hear that Anthony
weighs nine pounds and eight ounces
and that seemed to me a waste of
breath either eight or nine pounds
would have been near enough to have
satisfied any ones curiosity But now
I am deemed an unnatural mother If I
put my childs age or weight in round
numbers and so being corrected I will
tell you that my precious pet who Is
the very sweetest thing that ever hap
pened is as his father amends three
months two weeks and let me see
six days old Baltimore News
The
A Study In Names
names on the little vestnni
plates in a New York apartment house
are- the subject of a letter from New
York in a Vienna paper I had to
stana in the little space the writer
says waiting for some one five flights
up to pull a string which opens the
entrance door This took a long time
and I had opportunity to study the
names of the people in the house
These were some of the names Beck
er Schneider Schuster Kelner Schrein
er Fuhrman and Drucker At first I
thought that the various apartments
were occupied by persons engaged in
trades named on the little signs but
this was not so Becker baker was a
clerk Schneider tailor was a railroad
employee Schuster
shoemaker was a
cigarmaker Kelner waiter was an
electrician Schreiner carpenter was
a woman a dressmaker Fuhrman
teamster was a barber and Drucker
printer was a painter The person
whom I visited escorted me to the
door and called my attention to one
little sign which I had overlooked It
was inscribed Baker That he said
is the only American family in the
house and they have a boarder whoso
name Is Carpenter Both men are iron
workers It all made me think I had
been at a labor union convention
fy
i
Fred Wiggins
Auctioneer
running ovor
1000 All dates made by
9Gtf The Danbury News
Dr Herbert J Pratt
Reoihteukd Guaduatk
Dentist
OHico ovor McConnullH Drug Store
McCOOK NEB
Tolophonos OHIcu 160 rusiiloiico 131
Former locution Atlanta fluorgin
r
CAPT BARRETT
PRACTICAL
Architect
and Builder
Repairing and Remodeling
Buildings a Specialty
McCOOK - NEBRASKA
A Shop Phono r21 A
EFOSBORN
LADIES I
J W WJ2NTZ
OSBORN WENTZ
Draymen
Prompt Service
Courteous Treatment
Reasonable Prices
GIVE US A TRIAL
DIAMOND
GO
BRAND
ffGr
Ask your lruraUt for
DIAMOND iiKAXD PILLS
Gold metallic boxes scaled
Ribbon Take no other
VruzRlst and sk fur CIII
Is BellBTiHg
m Km andA
with Blue
Ruy oF your X
V
fllAMON BKASI PIILH for twentv fiTO
years regarded as Best Safest Always Reliable
SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS
S EVERYWHERE
I-------------
r
If you will figure with us and
quality of material is any object
you will be easily convinced that
we out class all competition
BAR1TT
a M mm MBM i - -
ffl M
Ji KJ LlXJf XJJL I UUi
1 1 W
real
Lumber an
Center
i
J
Go
Home of Quality
and Quantity where
W C BOLLARD
sells THE BEST LUM
BER AND COAL
V Are you thinking of
building If so it a ten
to one our figures will
please you
M O McCLTJRE
Phone No 1 Manager
