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OUR PRESIDENTS
Long Distance Jane
An old farmer was skeptical as to
whether people who were miles apart
oould really talk to each other over a
telephone wire
One day his wife went to make a
visit to a distant friend who had a
telephone in her house During the
afternoon the farmer visited a near
neighbor who also boasted a house tele
phone and who persuaded the farmer
to call up his wife as a little surprise
Following instructions he put the re
ceiver to his ear and after the usual
nrelirninaries he shouted
Hello Jane
Just then a flash of lightning caused
By the heat of the summer day struck
the wire and he fell sprawling to the
floor The neighbor was chagrined
that the old man should meet with such
an accident on his first trial of a
phone and assured him that such a
thing would not happen except in case
of storms But the farmer was con-
winced of the possibilities of communi
eation however and would not try
again He rose to his feet and shak
ing his head knowingly said
Its wonderful that was Jane all
right Ladies Home Journal
Fixed All Right
An automobllist who was touring
through the country saw walking
ahead of him a man followed by a
dog As the machine drew near them
the dog started suddenly to cross the
road and was killed by the car The
motorist stopped his machine and ap
proached the man Im very sorry my
man that this has happened he said
Will 5 fix it
Oh yes said the man 5 will fix
it Ijsyess
Pocketing
nfimTiii i r IIB1I11 iflfii wETr n im 1
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JAMES KNOX POLK
The eleventh president of the United States was a native of Mecklenburg
aounty N C but spent most of his life as a citizen of Tennessee He served
fourteen years In congress was speaker for two terms and was elected gov
ernor of Tennessee in 1839 He was elected president In 1844 defeating
Henry Clay Polk was a Democrat During his presidency the Oregon
Boundary dispute was settled and the Mexican war was fought In private
life President Polk was unostentatious frank and courteous He died at
Nashville Tenn in 1849 a few months after his retirement from the presi
dency at the age of flfty flve
-
The
-
Scrap Book
Agreed With Him
A professor of botany was recently
lecturing in an Iowa city In his dis
course he attempted to show the great
value of flowers and their near rela
tionship to human beings He con
cluded his remarks by saying The
Lord that made me made a daisy
Whereupon some one in the audience
called out You bet he did
It was several minutes before the
professor discovered why every one
laughed
LOVE SCORNS DEGREES
Tove scorns degrees The low he lifteth
high
The high he draweth down to that fair
plane
Whereon In his divine equality
Two loving hearts may meet nor meet in
vain
Gainst such sweet leveling custom cries
amain
But oer its harshest utterance one bland
sigh
Breathed passionwise doth mount victo
rious still
3Tor Love earths lord must have his
lordly will
Paul H Hayne
He Saw Double
A Scotch minister and his servant
going home from a wedding began to
consider the state into which their
potations at the wedding feast had
left them Sandy said the minister
just stop a minute here till I go
ahead Maybe I dont walk very
steady and the good wife might re
mark something not just right
He walked ahead of the sen ant for a
short distance and then asked How
is it Am I ivalking straight
Oh aye answered Sandy thickly
yere a recht but whos that whos
with you Argonaut
the money as the car dis
appeared in the distance he looked
down at the dead animal
I wonder whose dog it was he
said
Juvenile Ambition
Mrs M G Black of Gardiner Ore
who received one of the last rewards
of the Carnegie hero fund for her brav
ery in saving three young girls from
drowning was talking about bravery
the other day
Do I think that bravery heroism
can be cultivated Yes she said in
a sense I do Heroism is unselfishness
carried to its highest point and chil
dren can be trained to be unselfish
There is only one Avay to teach them
that though and that is the way of
kindness Beat and bully children and
they wont grow up unselfish but the
opposite
She smiled
Once at an Easter party I had a
long conversation with a little boy As
I helped him decorate a pink egg I
asked What are you going to do when
you grow up
Looking up from the egg with n
frown he answered
Whip papa
Shocked Into Generosity
A small church was in need of re
pairs and a meeting was being held
to raise funds for that purpose
The minister having said o00 would
be required a wealthy and equally
stingy member of the congregation
rose and said he would give a dollar
Just as he sat down a lump of plaster
fell from the ceiling and hit him upon
the head whereupon he rose hastily
and called out that he had made a mis
take he would give o0 An enthusi
ast present forgetful of everything
called out fervently O Lord hit him
again
Lincolns Soft Answer
One hot summer day when I was in
New York I was invited to a cold
tea at the Americus clubhouse in
Greenwich Conn At the clubhouse
was a gracious company and among
the guests was Governor John T Hoff
man of New York
One of the guests said to the govern
or that he had noticed President Lin
coln sent an open letter to Governor
Buckingham of Connecticut thanking
that state for having raised its quota
of troops and he asked Hoffman if he
had ever received such a letter for
New York
The governor replied that he had
not but had read the letter to the gov
ernor of Connecticut and it had dis
turbed him not a little But soon after
its publication he had had an inter
view with Mr Lincoln at the executive
mansion and had said Mr President
I notice that you took pains to send
Governor Buckingham a letter thank
ing Connecticut for having raised its
quota of troops But you forgot to
thank the great Empire State for hav
ing raised its quota
Aha said Mr Lincoln When Mrs
Lincoln passes me a cup of tea I never
think of thanking her for it I expect
it Boston Herald
Had Sufficient Company
A little boy was heard swearing by
his mother She reproved him very
gently telling him that God was with
him and by him at all times and knew
his very thoughts Soon after he start
ed downtown on an errand and a dog
followed him Turning quickly around
the boy told the dog to go back it
was bad enough to have God follow
ing him everywhere let alone a dog
In Confederate Money
OnedaydurJngatemporary
n1 mit3iimimnmmiiwm i i
tlon of liostillllos between the opposing I
forces a tnll strapping Yankee rode I
Into the Confederate camp on a sorry
looking horse to effect a trade for some
tobacco Hello Yank hailed one of
a number of Confederate soldiers loll
ing about on the grass in front of a
tent Thats a right smart horse you
all got there Think so Yes
whntll you take for him Oh I
dont know Well Ill give you
70u0 for him bantered the Confed
erate You go to blazes indignantly
returned the other Ive just paid 10-
ORorke Horfcarrier
Oliorke had been a hodcarrier In
Rochester when he was appointed to
West Toint
There ii something that sets the heart
beating warmly in the fact that when
his friend of toil learned that he stood
at the head of his class they chipped
in some of their hard earnings and
j bought him u costly richly engraved
gold watch as a token that they were
proud of him He drilled nie under
the blooming horse chestnuts on the
east side of the academic hall and 1
well remember his looking at that same
watch while giving me a little rest
The fall before the Gettysburg cam
paign he became colonel of the One
Hundred and Fortieth New York and
some time In the winter of I re
ceived his wedding cards and the
brides name was Bridget Many a
time since I have thought that fiis was
his boyhood love to whom had re
mained steadfast while lurs were
falling about him However that may
be he was killed while standing on a
large bowlder his regiment immediate
ly before him and lighting almost at
the very muzzles of its guns on Hound
Top
Meanwhile fames trumpet has been
pealing but not over his grave Ah
how tickle she is Everybody knows
of his classmate dishing not one in
I a thousand of dear old Pat Yet I
j am sure that the spirits of Bayard and
Sidney reached out their hands from
heaven to grasp the gallant boy and
welcome him to the company of gen
tlemen of all ages Atlantic
He Didnt Inject It
An elderly resident of Lynn Mass
was talking about Mrs Eddy the head
of the Christian Science church
When she lived here in Lynn said
the old man she conducted a temper
ance campaign for a time She did a
lot of good though now and then she
Ill help you my friend said Mrs
Eddy but first you must answer me
one question Do you or do you not
drink beer
Why lady he said ye certny
dont think I squirt it into me arm
wid a syringe
Bismarck and the Ambassador
Lord Russell the English ambassador
at the German court called one day
on Prince Bismarck at the palace of
the latter in Berlin During the con
versation Lord Russell remarked that
a man in the chancellors position must
be bothered with a great many trouble
some callers
God knows how true that is sighed
the prince
But you certainly have some remedy
or other to get rid of such people
quickly
Oh certainly laughed Bismarck
One of my best is that my good wife
comes in to call me away on some
pretext or other Of course the caller
cant remain after that
These words were hardly uttered
when the princess entered and said in
the most harmless Avay Otto it is
time to take your medicine Do not
forget it
Lord Russell broke into a ringing
laugh and took his leave at once
Would Not Compromise
A German traveler who tried to pass
a meal ticket on the train was told
by the conductor that he would have
to pay the regular fare of 33 cents
The German argued and refused to
pay more than 25 cents whereupon
the conductor stopped the train and
put him off
In a twinkling the traveler ran
ahead of the engine and started to
walk on the track The engineer blew
his whistle violently but the irate
German turned shook his fist and
called out You can vissle all
vant to I vont come pack
THE ZOO BY NIGHT
you
Gleaming Eyes In the Blackness Give
a Flavor of the Vilds
The average grownup who visits the
zoo thinks it rather a dull sort of
show for the fact that the animals are
captive robs them of all the romance
that would attach to them in their na
tive forests
But let the blase sightseer obtain
permission to visit the zoo at mid
night and his impressions will be very
different Darkness hides the bars aid i
the boards and the eyes of some
wakeful creature gleam maliciously u
you For the moment you imagine
that you are in the wilds on equa
terms with the creatures around I
Poised on the swings and platforms
at the top of their cages sleep the j
monkeys instinct surviving their loss
of freedom for in the forests they
had to sleep thus to avoid the beasts
of prey
TTnro rncfc n linnocu nrnim nrinn linr
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PENN AND PEACE
Th Real Originator of the Idea of an
Arbitration Tribunal
It Is an Interesting fact that about
215 years ago William Penn wrote an
essay suggesting an international par
liament for the spread of peace like
that now In session at The Hague It
was entitled Essay Toward the Pres
ent and Future Peace of Europe and
has really been the basis of the move
ment culminating in The Hague
000 to have him curried Lippincotts i nnl Two hundred years ago at this
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ii- i -- ii- -- oi i1 bracing all the small states now exist
U1U1 UU H oO llollX lli lilt till llllU Xitl
paws hanging limply down There re
clines her lord asleep upon his side
his paws turned in and his general
pose not unlike that of a dog
The more cunning and more coward
ly of the animals do not seem to sleep
at all for as soon as they hear our ap
proaching footsteps they give us their
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PENNS GKAVE AND HIS POllTICAIf BY BtB
QODFKET KNELTiiat
time Penn was in confinement in a
debtors prison despite his great serv
ices in the founding of Pennsylvania
His appointees in that province had
tricked him in various ways until his
Interest In the province was mort
gaged and rather than pay fraudulent
demands he allowed himself to spend
met with a rebuff The story goes that i nine months behind bars Many
a tramp once asked her for help I sylvanians make pilgrimages to Penns
last resting place m the burial ground
attached to the Quaker meeting house
at Jordans Bucks where his two
wives also lie his second Hannah in
the same grave with himself The
tombstone at the head of his grave is
remarkable for its simplicity It is not
more than two feet high and contains
only Penns name and that of his sec
ond wife with the dates of their de
mise Sometimes there has been talk
of removing Penns remains to this
country and placing them under an
imposing monument but wiser coun
sels prevailed Americans in London are
Interested in seeing this year a hither
to unpublished portrait of Penn by Sir
Godfrey Kneller which for eighty
years hung in a rectory in Westmor
land but was recently exhibited at
the Graves galleries in Pall Mall
PRESIDENT OF NICARAGUA
General Zelaya and His Central Ameri
can Federation Ideas
Almost midway between Mexico and
Panama lies the Latin American re
public of Nicaragua To the south is
Costa Rica to the north is Honduras
to The northwest Salvador and north
of Salvador Guatemala All these lit
tle republics have their presidents so
called though in general they are dic
tators whose rule lasts only- until the
next successful revolution There has
been a good deal of lighting between
the different states of Central America
The president of Nicaragua General
Jose S Zelaya who for about a dozen
years had controlled the destinies of
this country is ambitious to establish
F5
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vx
PRESIDENT JOSE E ZELAYA
a Central American confederation
ing as wholly independent govern
i ments Naturally he wishes Nicaragua
to be the leading state In the confed
eracy and aspires to be himself the
chief executive of the proposed union
That is perhaps why his plan falls to
arouse as much enthusiasm as might
be expected in some of the other
states The executives of the latter
are apparently In no haste to give up
glowerings and watch us suspiciously
theIr offices In taterest of unIoQ
till we depart Pearsons
i
MELONS IN STORAGE
How a Rural J P Decided a Suit Be
tween Neighbors
Problems worthy of Solomons acu
men are often submitted to these rural
arbitrators justices of the peace In
the Macon county Mo archives Is a
case of this sort
Timothy Kain a farmer or Easley
town hip set out some watermelon
vines which grew so luxuriously that
they trespassed upon the field of his
neighbor Felix Hopper When garner
ing time came Kains attempt to har
vest his runaway product was rebuked
by Hopper and his shotgun The con
troversy got into court and Squire
William Easley for whom the town
ship was named was asked to decide
the ownership of ten watermelons
worth Kt cents apiece The lawyers
for Kain read books to show that his
rights of property followed the vines
clear into the next county should they
travel so far Hoppers lawyers pro
duced equally sound reading to prove
that Hopper was entitled by law to
anything that camped on his premises
It wasnt Hoppers fault they said if
the vines wanted to spread out and go
visiting lie had the same right to
them that he would have to a colony
of honeybees that iniIit get tired of
being with Kain and concluded to move
over and make honey for Hopper
Squire Easley let the lawyers spout
until they had read through all their
books then he arose to his six feet
and said
Mitchell has read books that make
it absolutely certain thein melons be
long to Kain I hadnt any doubt in
the world about that till Guthrie here
got up and turned Mitchells law bot
tom side up Theres no question but
what theres enough law in the books
for both Kain and Hopper and that
ought to make em happy The court
decides under the circumstances that
with the law deciding both ways theres
nothing to do but to hand out justice
as lie sees it The judgment of the
court is that those arc Kains melons
Thank you your honor said Mitch
ell arising and bowing
but that hes Indebted to Hopper
20 cents apiece for storage finished
the justice
But your honor said Mitchell in
dignantly you cant do that They
lunont tiled any claim for storage
Besides youre allowing them more
for their melons than theyre worth on
the market
The court will take judicial notice
of the defendants rights offset or no
said Squire Easley with some asper
ity And your own evidence shows
Hopper was diligently guarding Kains
property for him Thats worth some
thing
Guarding it
Yes Kain himself testified Hopper
was there with a shotgun when he
climbed over the fence Kansas City
Star
Professor Matched the Boss
Boston and Cambridge people of an
earlier day remember well Professor
Child of Harvard a scholar who vas
likewise a live man They tell wiih
great gusto a story about his faithful
attention to city politics Professor
Child always attended to his duties as
a citizen of Cambridge One night lie
went to a ward meeting at which a
boss began to put forth some of his
warped ideas The college professor
was speedily on his feet and scathing
ly denounced the boss and his methods
After the meeting was over the good
natured boss just to show that he bore
no ill will met the scholar on the
stairs and genially handing over a ci
gar said Have a smoke profess
His antagonist straightened up took
the cigar and said with great dignity
Yes Ill match you in any of your
lesser vices Boston Herald
Didnt Get a Patent
Among the strange applications Avhich
reach the patent otlice one lilel some
years ago was most extraordinary it
being a petition for a patent for an ant
guard which consisted in merely draw
ing a chalk mark around a table or
other place by which it was claimed
the approach of ants was stopped It
seems that chalk makes an ants legs
slip as soaping a track prevents a rail
way engine from starting The peti
tion was novel and caused considera
ble amusement The application how
ever was refused on the ground that
there was nothing new in the inven 1 j
tion that chalk had been used for such
IJUllJUSUS UKIU1U illlU UiULISUtU lUCiU I J
were not patentable
Climbing 199 Steps to Church
The only way of reaching the old
parish church at Whitby in York
shire from the town is by means of
199 stone steps probably as curious
an approach to a place of worship as
any in the kingdom The church
stands on the east cliff some 200 feet
above the sea level and to watch the
crowd of worshipers before and after
service threading its way up and down
the winding stairway is a sight to be
remembered London Strand
Forgetful
Tommy said his mother reproving
ly what did I say Id do to you if I
ever caught you stealing jam again
Tommy thoughtfully scratched his
head with his sticky lingers
ny mats lunny ma mat you1
should forget it too Hanged if I can
remember Everybodys
Mechanically
1 Judge And what did the prisoner
say when you told him that you would
have him arrested Complainant He
answered mechanically yer honor
Judge Explain Complainant He hit
me on the head with a hammer Ex
change
The fault is always as great as ha
that commits it French Proverb
Fred Wiggins
Auctioneer
1000
i G tf
LADIES I
Will cry your
Blln any time
anywhoro
Uills posted
in tin Snppy
country Tin
cupafurnlslid
for your free
lunch without
extra chnrgo
Terms 310
for first 1000
or less 1 per
ct on nil snlod
running over
All dates madu l
The Danhury News
r Herbert J Pr
ItEOlSTKKED lUADLATK
Dentist
Ollico ovor McCowipIPk Driiff Storo
McCOOK NEB
Tuliiplioiifitt Otlicu 1M rosiiloiico IM
Former locution Atlanta OoorKia
OkV k
GAPT BARRETT
IMtACTICAL
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