Ccnsor Must See AIJ Gags
TheBrltish censor of plays has con
siderably added to the gayety of the
London theatrical season now giving
a final fillip by announcing that hence
forth all gags must be tried in writ
ing on himself before using Qags
have generally been supposod to be the
Inspiration of the moment delightful
little diversions from the steady cur
rent of the play and therefore the
more enjoyed not only by the dag
gers but by the audience There is
reason to doubt whether a gag after
having been written down and tried
In the crucible of the critic and cen
sor would be a gag at all The Lon
don Speaker however thinks the mu
sic hall wits have no cause to fear so
lpng as the present censor continues
in power The censor it says who
licensed the Girl from Maxims and
Huppressed Monna Vanna has abun
dantly proved his readiness to tolerate
any nastiness provided only that it is
also stupid
Stanleys Visit to America
Stanley revisited America several
times in the course of his eventful life
He came over shortly after the Liv
ingstone expedition had been com
pleted again for a lecture tour after
he had founded the Congo Free State
through the support of the Brussels
African International association of
which Leopold king of the Belgians
was and is the head This trip was
cut short by the summons to relieve
Emln Pasha Dr Eduard Schnitzer
He responded Immediately The last
time he visited this country was in
1895 when he was seen in Boston and
New York for a short time and then
traveled through Canada
He Must Sign in English
Some amusing correspondence be
tween the lord chancellor of Ireland
and Thomas McDonagh Mahony J P
since September 3 1903 has been is
sued as a British parliamentary paper
Mr Mahony insisted upon signing his
name to warrants and other docu
ments in characters which are alleg
ed to be those of the Irish language
and persists in the practice although
he has been authoritatively informed
that it is illegal The justice of Can
erciveen insists that his signature is
his usual one and disputes the lord
chancellors law ana there the matter
rests except that he is enjoined from
sitting on the magisterial bench until
he gives assurance that he will sign
magisterial documents in English
When a man is just swearing mad
and the wife says nothing but smiles
knowingly he will either kill her or
rush out into the cold world and slam
the door
A smiling countenance is is not al
ways an index to the feelings
There always is one to whom our
troubles seem a misfortune
Those whom we love and those who
love us are not always the ones we
want to love us or who want us to
love them
These Who Have Tried It
will use no other Defiance Cold Water
Starch has no equal in Quantity or Qual
ity 1C oz for 10 cents Other brands con
tain only 12 oz
No matter how silly a woman may
be she can always find a man who
will let her make a fool of him
CITO permanently cured Vo fits or nerrcasness after
Si I w ilret days use of Dr Klines O rent Nerve Kestor
Or Send for FREE 8200 trial bottle and treatise
Da U H Klike Ltd 931 Arch Street HilladelpMo Pa
Lots of people would rather send a
dollar to the heathen than give the
poor at home a pleasant look
Mrs Winsiows Sootlilnr Syrnp
For children teething softens the gums reduces In
flammation allays pain cures wind colic 25cabotue
There cometh the gentle days of
spring when the borrowed umbrella
findetlf its way to the loan office
After a fellows being married a few
years he begins to long for a little
monotony to relieve the excitement
Getting into society is like raiding a
beehive You may find a little honey
but you risk the stings
When a man marries he should re
sign himself to the inevitable and defy
fate to do its worst
When Your Grocer Says
he does not have Defiance Starch you
may be sure he is afraid to keep it until
his stock of 12 oz packages are sold De
fiance Starch is not only better than any
pther CId Water Starch but contalna 16
oz to the package and sells for same
money as 12 oz brands
Some men expect to acquire all
their good habits in their second
childhood
Deceit is an instinct which is
strengthened by what it finds in oth
ers
The distinction between the wily
and the wicked is too fine for the
wise
A woman never forgives the man
who guesses her age too generously
A man makes no particular prog
ress by patting himself on the back
Virtue may be its own reward but
it is not its own advertising agent
No man reaches the stage of trl
timph but by the steps of trial
The man who takes life as a dose
always finds it a bitter one
A woman never forgives a man who
hints that her feet are large
Revenge is sweet until its ill ef
fects are fully realized
The uncertainties of life make up its
greatest charm
Character is crystallized conduct
TIRED SUFFERING WOMEN
gS
Women run down
and endure daily tor
tures through neg
lecting the kidneys
Kidney backache
makes housework a
burden rest is im
pospible sleep fit
ful appetite gives
out and you are
tired all the time
Cant be well until
the kidneys are well
Use Doans Kidney
Pills which have restored thousands
of suffering women to health and
vigor
Mrs William Wallace of IS Capitol
St Concord N H says I was in
the early stages of Brights Disease
and were it not for Doans Kidney
Pills I would not be living to day
laln in the back was so intense that
at night I had to get out of bed until
the paroxysm of pain passed away I
was languid and tired and hadnt the
strength to lift a kettle of water I
could not work but a few doses of
Doans Kidney Pills relieved me and
two boxes absolutely cured me
A FREE TRIAL of this great kid
ney medicine which cured Mrs Wal
lace will be mailed to any part of the
United States Address
Co Buffalo N Y Sold by all
dealers Price 50 cents per box
The tongue can maice the most sen
sible appear to disadvantage
Tree to Twenty Five Ladles
The Defiance Starch Co will give
25 ladies a round trip ticket to the
St Louis Exposition to five ladies
in each of the following states 111
nois Iowa Nebraska Kansas and
Missouri wh will send in the largest
number of trade marks cut from a ten
cent lG ounce package of Defiance
cold water laundry starch This
means from your own home any
where in the above named states
These trade marks must he mailed to
and received by the Defiance Starch
Co Omaha Nebr before September
1st 1904 October and November
will be the best months to visit the
Exposition Remember that Defiance
is the only starch put up 1G oz a
full pound to the package ou get
one third more starch for the same
money than of any other kind and
Defiance never sticks to the iron
The tickets to the Exposition will bo
sent by registered mail September
5ta Starch tor sale by all dealers
Diamonds a Good Investment
About a year ago a young broker
who had the shining light of a horri
ble example before him his father
having lost two fortunes in Wall
street fell heir to about 30000 from
the estate of an aunt He made up
his mint that this money would be
safely invested and hearing that dia
monds were constantly going up he
put the entire sum into the stones
He bought them at a trifle below mar
ket value from pawn brokers sales
shops retaining the services of an
expert He sold the entire lot the
other day at a profit of 9000 over
25 per cent on his investment Dia
monds are going up constantly and
the main supply the Kimberley and
the DeBeers mines of South Africa
is constantly lessening
When a girl falls in love Mommer
and Popper might as well throw up
their hands and trust to Providence
The man who jollies other people
along generally manages to jolly him
self along with them pretty well
thank you
A World Wide Reputation
Wherever men are there will be illness
and wherever people are ill Dodds lid
ney Pills will be found a blessing Sole
ly on their merits have they pushed their
way into almost every part of the civil
ized world Their reputation as an hon
est medicine that can always be relied
on has been built up by the grateful
praise of those who have been cured
The two following letters indicate Just
how the reputation of this remedy knows
no geographical bounds The sick and
suffering all over the world are asking
for Dodds Kidney Pills
Dear Sirs I have been suffering from
some months from a Jvidney complaint
The doctor who attended me -has recom
mended me to take your Pills Dodds
Kidney Pills After two boxes I got
some relief But unfortunately I have
not been able to go on with the treat
ment being unable to find any Pills in
Cairo The Chemist who sold me the
two boxes has informed me that he had
sent an order for some and has been
keeping me waiting for more than one
month This is the reason why I am
writing to you to request you to have
the goodness to send me by return of
post six boxes for which I will pay as
soon as I receive them from thepoat
Kindly let me know at the same time
where your branch agency in Egypt is to
be found Thanking you in anticipation
Mohamed Rached Immeubles Libres da
lEtat Office of the Minister of Finance
Cairo EGYPT
Dear Sirs I want to purchase six
boxes of Dodds Kidney Pills but I dont
know exactly where to apply at Buffalo
or London I suppose they can be -sent
by express or registered mail from either
place Please advise me of how to pro
ceed in order to get the pills without de
lay Yours truly J P Simonson VI
borg V Mark DENMARK
Why dont society editors come
right out and say that it was- the
bridegroom who was led to the al
tar
Having a Pic nic
Pic Nlcs are never complete without
sandwiches sweet white bread with
a generous layer of meat between
Llbbys canned meats are ideal for
pic nics and outings The cans are so
easily opened and the contents so
fresh and palatable that no pic nic is
a success without Llbbys Natural
Flavor Food Products
A woman can never understand why
Mrs Noah permitted her husband to
bring mice into the ark
IF TOU USE BAIX BLUE
Get Red Cross Ball BIuo the best Ball Bloc
Largo 2 oz pockago only 5 cents
It remaineth to be seen whether
the real bachelor will succumb to the
leap year bachelor maid
al Debt We Never Can Pay is the
Debt We Owe the Victorious Union
Soldiers ring down the ages forever
It was out of all this that the Grand
Army of the Republic grew into being
in 1878 with a membership of only 31
016 out of all those hundreds of thou
sands of veterans But Its growth was
inevitable as Inevitable as its decline
and death In 1890 the organization
reached the high water mark with an
enrollment of 409489 since which
time it has diminished at the rate of
two three four five six seven yes
and even eight thousand a year and
more In 1892 the roll had sunk to
263745 In that year alone 8200 an
swered their final summons
Pause for a moment and think what
that means Over eight thousand
members passing away every year and
the ratio increasing rapidly Can your
mind grasp the figures in all their pa
thetic significance Eight thousand
every year and soon it may be nine
ten eleven who shall say how many
more thousands till the roster is to
tally effaced
Stand on the street when the men
who have come to live over again the
stirring days of the past go marching
by Count them if you can and you
will find that there are nearly eight
thousand in line It is an imposing
array a vast host the like of which
is rareiy seen In one tense eager body
And then let your mind try to grasp
the though that before another year
has passed all those marching thou-
frtatgfcaOLcjj
pfaw
PASSING OF THE GRAND ARMY
The object of the Grand Army in its
elation to civil life and aside from its
raditional association and charitable
work vas to organize the victory
which had been won on the field of
Dattle The post rooms become schools
of loyalty where reverence for the flag
as the symbol of the nation has been
persistently inculcated and where the
national idea has been constantly ex
alted Then came the work in the
schools of which mention has been
made and whereof all the land knows
It is not too much to say that owing
to the far reaching influence of the
Grand Army of the Republic more
than to anything else the flag is now
universally revered and there is no
onger any question in the land either
in the North or South that the Amer
ican people now constitute a nation
Day after day as the glory of their
achievements in all the arts of peace
is finding new acknowledgment in ev
ery quarter of the globe there comes
new evidence that they are a unit
the world encompassing power of the
future great glorious invincible
But what of the men who won this
priceless heritage in the most stupen
dous struggle of the modern age
They are passing passing swiftly
passing More than ever now each
annual encampment brings home the
tragedy of death in life More than
ever now each annual encampment
emphasizes the grim solemn fact that
soon all too soon the Grand Army
of the Republic with all that it sym
bolizes will be nothing but a tradi
tion Figures that do not lie give
much food for thought sad intros
pective thought
In Apiil 18G5 more than a million
of men Avere in the military service of
the United States To these must be
added a roll of names which at that
time numbered over three hundred
and fifty thousand the grand army
of the dead
During the four years of the desper
ate conflict altogether 2859132 men
had been enrolled in the military ser
vice There had been killed in bat
tle G705S died of wounds and other
injuries 43032 of disease 22458G
and from causes not classified 24S52
a total death roll of 359528
This vast army had taken part in
more than two thousand engagements
sands will be no more That is what
the passing of the Grand Army of the
Republic means
And try to realize too what senti
ment clusters round that thought It
will be fresh vivid real in the minds
of each and every one of those march
ing thousands the men who fought
and suffered for a glorious cause the
passing of the Grand Army of the Re
public
But notwithstanding this sad de
crease it has been suggested that the
membership ought to increase year by
year There are still living over 900
000 of the men who were part of that
grand army of the sixties and of that
number less than 75000 are over
G4 years old Short therefore as it
may be the Grand Army may still
look forward to a glorious future
From a speech delivered at the last
national encampment of the G A R
BEECHER AT FORT SUMTER
The Rehoisting of the Stars and
Stripes in Glory
Since this flag went down on thai
dark day who shall tell the mightj
woes that have made this land a spec
tacle to angels and men The sofl
has drunk blood and is gutted Mil
lions mourn for myriads slain or en
vying the dead pray for oblivion
Towns and villages have been razed
Fruitful fields have been turned back
to wilderness It came to pass as the
prophet said
The sun was turned to darkness
and the moon to blood
The course of law was ended The
sword sat chief magistrate in half the
nation industry was paralyzed mor
als corrupted the public weal invaded
by rapine and anarchy whole states
ravaged by avenging armies The
world was amazed The earth reeled
When the flag sank here it was as if
political night had come and all the
beasts of prey had come forth to de
vour That long night is ended And
for this returning day we have come
from afar to rejoice and give thanks
No moie war No more accursed
secession No more slavery thai
spawned them both
Let no man misread the meaning oJ
this unfolding flag It says
Government has returned hither
Gen Sheridans Grave at Arlington
many of them of minor importance as
to the number of men engaged or re
sults attained while others were
mighty battles which strained all the
resources and tested the fullest pow
ers of endurance of the great oppos
ing armies to an extent which must
make the legend which floated from a
banner stretched across the front of
the Capitol while the conquerors
were marching by during those two
memorable days of the grand spectac
ular peace review The Only Nation- I
From this pulpit of broken stone we
speak forth our earnest greeting to al
our land We offer to the Presideni
of the United States our solemn con
gratulations that God has sustained
his life and health under the unpar
alleled burdens and sufferings for foui
bloody years and permitted him tc
behold this auspicious consummatior
of that national unity for which he has
waited with so much patience and for
titude and for which he has laborec
with such disinterested wisdom Tc
the members of the government asso
ciated with him in the administration
of perilous affairs in critical times tc
the senators and representatives ol
the United States who have eagerlj
fashioned the instruments by whict
the popular will might express and en
force itself we tender our gratefu
thanks
To the officers and men of the arm
and navy who have so faithfully anc
so skillfully and gloriously uphelc
their countrys authority by suffering
labor and sublime courage we offer s
heart tribute beyond the compass o
words
Upon those true and faithful citi
zens men and women who have
borne up with unflinching hope in the
darkest hour and covered the lane
with their labor of love and charity
we invoke the divinest blessing of hiir
whom they have so truly imitated
But chiefly to thee God of our fathers
we render thanksgiving and praise foi
that wondrous providence that has
brought forth from such a harvest a
war the seed of so much liberty and
peace
We invoke peace upon the North
Peace be to the West Peace be up
on the South
In the name of God we lift up oui
banner and dedicate it to peace un
ion and liberty now and forevermore
Amen Oration Delivered April 14
1865 by Request of President Lincoln
at the Raising of the Flag Over For
Sumter
isSSfA
JMlWi JaBBIglg Loaf Jat itVwvtLA AKlBTIft
am A ominent club woman Mrs Dan- m
forth of St Joseph Mich tells how she
was cured of falling of the womb and
its accompanying pains and misery by
Lydia E Pinfchams Vegetable Compound
Dkar Alitg Piniiiam Life looks dark indeed when a woman
feels that her strength is fading away and she has no hopes of ever
being- restored Such was my feeling a few months ago when I was
advised that my poor health was caused by prolapsus or fiillingr of the
womb The words sounded like a knell to me I felt that my sun had
set but Lydia 13 Pinkhams Vegetable Compound came to me as
an elixir of life it restored the lost forces and built me up until my
good health returned to me For four months I took the medicine
daily and each dose added health and strength I am so thankful for
the help I obtained through its use Mrs Florence Danforth
1007 Miles Ave SL Joseph Mich
A medicine that has restored so many women to Iicalta and
Cn produce proof of the fact must he regarded with respect This
is the record of Lydia 13 Pinkhams Vegetable Compound which
cannot be equalled by any other medicine the world has ever pro
duced Hero is another case
1 i Isl Hi
M mW
v s
Some of the lowest places in a city
are liKely to be owned in the highest
Important to Mothers
Ksamlne carefully erery bottle of CASTORIV
a safe and sure remedy for infanta aad childreu
snd see that it
Bears the
Signature of
Z
Dear Mrs PrxKirAiar For years I was
troubled with falling of the womb irregular
and painful menstruation leucorrhoea bearing
down pains backache headache dizzy and
fainting spells and stomach trouble
I doctored lor about live years but did
not seem to improve I began the use of your
medicine and have taken seven bottles of
Lydia 13 Pinkhams Vegetable Compound
three of Blood Purifier and alto used the
Sanative Wash and Liver Pills and am now
enjoying good health and have gained in flesh
x
la U3C For Over 30 Years
The Kind You Have Always Bought
I thank you very much for what you
have done for me and heartily recom
mend your medicine to all suffering
women Miss Emma bxYDER 218 East
Center St Marion Ohio
FRlE MEDICAL ADVICE TO WOMEN
Women would save time and much sickness if they would
write to Mrs Pinkham for advice as coon as any distressing symp
toms appear It is free and has put thousands of women on the
right road to recovery
Mrs Pinkham never violates the confidence thus entrusted to
her and although she publishes thousands of testimonials from
women who have been benelitcd by her advice and medicine
never in all her experience hasshe published such a letter without
the full consent and often by special request of the writer
FORFEIT tvo canrot forthwith produce tho original letters and signatures of
aboro testimonials which will prove their absolute genuineness
lydi Ji IMnkliam Medlciuo Co Lynn Mass
THE MAN BEHIND THE GUN
Is our name for the patent Separating
Grate and Check Plate in the famout
RED RIVER SPECIAL THRESHER
It has the Big Cylinder with lots of
coneaveand open grate surface
It has the Man Behind ths Gun that
does most of the separating- right at the
cylinder
Besides these it has all the separat
ing capacity of other machines
The average old style small C3lindcr
thresher wastes enough grain and time
to pay jour thresh bill
Why not save the grain ordinarily
put into the straw stack Why not
save the time which the ordinary
threshing outfit wastes for you
This can be done by employing the
RED RIVER SPECIAL
As the modern self binder is ahead of
the old reaper of forty vars ago so is
the Big Cylinder and Man Behind the
Gun ahe id of the small cylinder old
style thresher
The old style thresher with its small
cylinder and limited separating
capac
ity has stood for years without much
improvement
The RED RIVER SPECIAL is the
crowning improvement in threshing
machinery
It is built for modern up-to-date
work to thresh well to thresh fast
to save time and grain and money for
the threshermau and farmer It does
it There are reasons why Send for
our new book on threshing it rivca
vn uuVl ins iree
Tim RFn DIVPD CDcrm -
Itruns right along saving your grain only machine that has the Man Behind
ilf DS regardless of con- the Gun and it will save enougfextra
Sl e to pay your thresh bilL
NICHOLS SHEPARD CO
Builders of Threshers and Engines Battle Creek Mirh
50 YEARS BUSINESS BRANCH HOUSES AND AGENTS EVERYWHERE
The Immensity of Russia
Russia embraces one sixth of the
land surface of the world It is more
than fifty times larger than Japan and
has a total area of 8650000 square
miles Half of Europe and the whole
of northern Asia are included within
its boundaries It has a greater con
tinuous area than any other nation in
the world
BUSINESS PRUDENCE
means careful buying of the small
things as well as the large Paragon
Typewriter Ribbons bear the special
guarantee of the Remington Type
writer Company They sell singly for
75 cents each If you buy the Para
gon Ribbon coupon books you get
them for 58 1 3 cents Lots of inferior
goods cost more than that
Worlds
Fair
New Train Service
ious fr Kansa3Citye anft
uta a m s3Q p m -145
nueuiai rates on mt
p m
April 13th For tickets brhmmecl1n5
formation call VJ SlfSl fifths and in-
Station or THOS p nnL101
S E Cor
W N u
Pass and Ticket Agent
15th and Douglas Streels
OMAHA NEB
Lawn Fence
Iron Sr wre many style
forrettldencechurehschool
ChsdFicn Iroa am Hire Worts
OMAHANED
PORTRAIT
Onr jooda the beat PrtcesthB tof 5 T T
for catalogue mnd ageau nrlcu it Itt a Senl
ADA J KKOLLVfJbrikUJr
Omaha Neb NoTS
4
n
Jbs
Si
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n
1 A 1
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