Vt IRISH TURNS AND TWISTS.
Tiic Unconcton Humor Tlmt Crop *
Out In the Green Imle.
The author of "Irish Life and Char
acter" says truly that one has only
r to mix with an Irish crowd to hear
many a laughable expression , quite in
nocently uttered. As the Dule : and
Duchess of York were leaving Dublin
In 1897 , amid enthusiastic cheering , an
old woman remarked :
"Ah ! Isn't It the flue reception
they're gettln , goin away ? "
In 1892 Dublin university celebrated
Its tercentenary , and crowds of vis
itors were attracted to the city. Two
laborers , rejoiced at the general pros
perity , expressed their feelings.
"Well , Tim , " said one , "thim tar-
clntinaries does a dale for the thrade
of Dublin , nnd no mistake. "
"Oh , faix they do ! " said the other.
"And whin , with the blessln of God ,
we get home rule , sure we can have as
rannny of thim as we plase. "
An old woman , seeing n man pulling
a young calf roughly along the road ,
exclaimed :
"Oh , you bla'guard ! That's no way
to thrate a fellow crather. "
"Sure , " said a laborer to a young
lady who was urging him to send his
children to school , "I'd do anything for
such a sweet , gintlemanly lady as
yourself. "
Again , the laborers on a large estate
decided that It would be more con
venient for them If they could be paid
every week Instead of every fortnight.
One of their number was sent to place
their proposition before the land agent ,
and this was his statement :
"If you please , sir , It's me desire ,
and it Is also I very other man's desire ,
that we resave out fortnight's pay
Ivery week. "
An exasperated sergeant , drilling a
squad of recruits , called to them at
last :
"Halt ! " Just come over here , all of
ye , and look at yourselves. It's a fine
line ye're keepin , isn't it ? "
JUST A BIT OF LIFE.
A Pathetic Incident of the Pa-wn-
nTiopn In the Metropolis.
Sneaking Into a small shop In an ob
scure and poverty ridden locality , the
man who "went broke" at the races
was realizing on a superfluous article
of jewelry. A woman so poor and
pinched in feature , so marked with
care and desperation that it made him
feel sick to look at her , was holding
something under her shawl and waitIng -
Ing nervously until he should have fin
ished his transaction.
"Wait on her. She seems to be in a
hurry , " he said to the man behind the
counter , and at the word of permission
a carpenter's plane was produced from
the shelter of the shawl.
"How much do you want ? " queried
the unmoved pawnbroker monotonously -
ly-
"Fifty cents , " replied the woman ,
with a gulping in her throat and an
eager look in her eyes. She clutched
the money tightly and ran into another
creature , poor as herself , but bearing
her troubles in duller fashion. She
bad a baby's cloak , never costly and
much worn , on which she wanted to
borrow money , the same sum as the
other woman had asked for.
The man who had been offering a
diamond felt uncomfortable. "There ,
give me $50. The stone's worth four
times as much. " And , seizing the mon
ey , he hurried after the woman who
had just left the shop. He was not
given to acts of charity , and he felt
awkward , the more so as the woman
shrank from him as he accosted her.
"I beg your pardon , " he began , "but
M * here's § 5 I have no use for. Perhaps
you"
"Xo , no ! " she cried , drawing further
from him.
"For your child , " he said gently.
"My child is dead ! " cried the woman ,
with a queer sob , and fled into the
labyrinth of alleys and byways that
shelters so much wretchedness. New
York Times.
Curious Mexican
They have some very curious crimi
nal laws in Mexico. For instance , it is
twice as much of an offense to muti
late the face of a woman as that of a
man. The law seems to be based on
the Idea that a woman's best posses
sion is her beauty and that to mar it
does her a great injury.
There is another curious law. If a
person should be wounded in an en
counter , the punishment to the offend
er Is fixed by the number of days his
victim has to stay in the hospital or
under a doctor's care. A line is fixed
at 40 days in the way of a general divi
sion. If the injured man occupies more
than 40 days in his recovery , the pen
alty doubles up.
An Impudent Fraud.
An impudent fraud was perpetrated
upon a Manchester bank by one of its
customers , who opened an account
with some few hundreds of pounds.
The man , after a few weeks , drew two
checks , each within a pound or so of
his balance , and , selecting a busy day ,
presented himself at one end of the
counter , \vhile an accomplice , when he
sa w that his friend's check had been
cashed , immediately presented his own
to a cashier at the other end. Both
cashiers referred the checks to the
ledger clerk , who , thinking the same
cashier had asked him twice , said
"right" to both checks. The thieves
were never caught.
Nye's Introduction.
When James Whitcomb Riley and
Bill Nye traveled together giving a
joint entertainment , the humorist had
great fun with the poet. Once , in in
troducing Riley and himself to an au
dience , Nye remarked , "Ivill appear
first and speak until I get tired , then
Mr. Riley will succeed me and read
from his own -works until you get
tired. "
Too Much Bait For Hl Flan.
They were passing a good story at
the courthouse yesterday afternoon
concerning a young lawyer who was
admitted to practice a short time ago
and recently hung out his shingle. Ills
office isn't a very pretentious affair ,
but he didn't think It necessary to
apologize to his friends for his little
eight by ten. with several feet parti
tioned off for the use of his "clerk. "
The other day lightning struck , and
the door opened slowly , while a voice
charged with a strong Irish accent ask
ed if the lawyer was In.
"James , " said the rising disciple of
Blackstone , getting up from a coucli
at the time , "I wish you'd step around
to the First National bank and tell
them that the amount of that draft
Isn't quite right. It should be $1,57 , " ) .
instead of $1.525 , and before you re
turn drop Into Mr. Johngre's office and
tell him I've collected that $3.500 claim
for him. Wlii ! : * you're there , step
across the hall and Inform Mr. Fogo-
boll that unless that note for $10.000 Is
paid in the morning 1 shall begin fore
closure proceedings. Don't lose any
time , as I've a great deal of work for
you this morning. "
"Be hivins ! " gasped the client pro
spective , who had progressed as far
as the doorway Into the Inner office ,
"this be's no place fer me wid er two
dollar fifty clnt claim ter k'lect. " And
he departed. Milwaukee Wisconsin.
ThlnR * They Did In 17OO.
An advertisement in a facsimile is-
BUO of a Maryland paper in 1773 shows
that the housewives of that day used
cooking utensils of a kind that only a
favored few can offord to use now. A
coppersmith "from Lancaster" living
"Baltimore-Town" advertises copper
fish and wash kettles , copper and brass
brewing kettles , saucepans , coffee and
chocolate pots , stewpans and Dutcli
ovens.
There was plenty of help in the
household then with the slaves. Sev
eral advertisements refer to them. In
one a "Commission and Insurance Bro
ker" "Gratefully acknowledges the
favors of his friends , and hopes for a
continuance of their correfpoudence.
He has now for fale. a Pocket of
good HOPS , a 10 inch new CABLE-
and wants to buy a NEGRO GIRL ,
about 12 years old. "
Women were in certain kinds of
business at that time , for a firm of
"taylors" advertise their business as
two doors from Mrs. Chiltou's tavern.
People liked to hear a little gossip in
those days also , as now , and what may
be called a society note follows the no
tice of a wedding and informs the pub
lic that "By a late marriage in St. Ma
ry's the Lady is become Sister-in-law
to her own mother and the Gentleman
Son-in-law to his Sister-in-law. "
A Broken Shoestring- .
"There goes a man who may wish
before long that he had a good , sound
shoestring in his shoe , " remarked a
man to a friend as a rather slipshod
individual passed them on the street.
The man referred to had a broken
shoestring in one of his shoes , and the
other had been spliced in several
places.
" 1 am not talking from the point of
view of neatness , " went on the first
man , "but on account of an accident
that befell me recently. 1 was about
to get off a street car when the shoe
string In one of my shoes snapped. It
had been tightly laced , and the break ,
occurring when it did , just as I had
taken my hand from the rail , was
enough to make me lose my balance.
I felt myself falling to the street. There
was a trailer on the car , and I was
pretty badly scared , as I thought that
I stood a good chance of getting a leg
under the wheels. Luckily I made a
final effort to straighten myself , and I
got clear with nothing more than a
painfully twisted ankle.
"A shoestring is a small thing , but
after that scare I determined that 1
would always have a good one in my
shoe. " Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
} A Point of Resemblance.
They were dancing. The music was
heavenly. The swish of her silken
skirts was delightful. The fragrance
of the roses upon her bosom was al
most intoxicating.
"Ah , " she said , looking up into his
face and smiling sweetly , "you remind
me of one of Whitman's poems ! "
A sudden dizziness seemed to seize
him. It was as if he were floating
along in a dream. When he could catch
his breath to speak , he asked :
"Which one ? "
"Oh , any one ! " she replied. "The
feet are all mixed up in all of them. "
Chicago Times-Herald.
Tom Corrvln's Month.
Tom Corwin had an enormous
mouth. He once said he had been in
sulted by Deacon Smith. The good
brother asked for further explana
tion.
"Well , " said Corwin , "when 1 stood
up in the lecture room to relate my
experience and I opened my mouth ,
Deacon Smith rose up in front and
said , 'Will some brother please close
that window and keep it closed ? ' "
San Francisco Argonaut.
A Specimen of Cockney Humor.
It consists merely in ignoring the horrible
rible or tragic side of a funny situa
tion. Everybody knows the old story
of the cockney laughing after a fire.
" 'Jump , yer silly fool ! ' 1 says. 'Me an
my mite's got a blanket ! ' An 'e did
jump , an there warn't no blanket , an
'e broke 'is bloomin neck ! Laugh ? I
'aven't laughed so much ! " Black-
wood.
A girl should never throw away her
old slippers. They will come in handy
at her wedding and much handler in
after years. Chicago News.
The secret of success in life is for a
man to be ready for his opportunity
when it conies.
RAN A RACE WITH DEATH.
Narrow Slarcln by TThleh a Man on n
llnlltvuy BrldKe Wou.
A high trestle bridge more than a
quarter of a mile long , supporting the
single track of the Nickel Plate rail
road , spans the vclley of Grand river ,
east of Painesville. 0. The bridge Is
little wider than the distance between
the rails , and the ties are placed eight
or ten Inches apart , the space between
being open to the river below.
A young man who crossed recently
had a thrilling experience on the
bridge. He had just passed the center
when a fast train rounded the curve
behind him. As the engine whistled
he quickened his pace. With every
step the train was rushing nearer , and
there was not a moment to lose.
Once the young man stumbled and
seemed about to fall , but quickly re
gained his balance and hurried on. As
he readied the place for which he had
started the train was close behind , and
he had just time to swing himself over
the side of the bridge as the locomotive
thundered by. The ends of the ties
were slippery with grease from drip
ping axle boxes , and his foot slipped
wide as he left the track. His right
hand , stretched blindly out before him ,
touched a round iron bar , bracing two
parts of the bridge , and , with a grip
like that of a drowning man. his fin
gers clasped around it. For a moment
he swung in empty air. In another his
left hand had found a place beside his
right , and his feet touched the wel
come edge of a brace below. With
bleeding fingers clutching the slender
Iron bar that vibrated widely from side
to side , moments seemed hours.
At last the train passed , and the
young man was able to climb slowly to
the track above. Unnerved by the try
ing experience , he lay for a moment
stretched across the rails and , then
rising to his feet , with blanched face
and unsteady limbs , made his way to
firm ground. Cleveland Leader.
THE MILL RUNS ITSELF.
Economical Way of Doing :
on a Conncctlcnt farm.
Joe VcCormick of the International
Pulp company tells a delicious story of
paper making in Connecticut , which
shows that operating a mill is not such
a serious matter as these big proprie
tors would have us believe. Strolling
along the countryside in haymaking
time , Mr. McCorinick happened on a
little paper mill which buzzed merrily
In a shady dell , with everything clean
and sweet around it. A look In the
office showed no one there , and the vis
itor then wandered over the mill , hop
ing to find some one to whom he could
talk business. The machine was hum
ming along , and it seemed impossible
that there should be no one in attend
ance. But even shouting failed to bring
forth signs of life , and Mr. McCormick
was about to leave when he spied
some men in a hayfield some distance
away.
"I say , " he called out to the nearest
one when he got within hearing , "who
runs this mill ? "
"I do , " was the reply.
"Well , who's the owner ? "
"Why , I am , to be sure. "
"Do you mean to say that the mill
runs itself ? "
"Cert. We start her up at 6 in the
morning , and she runs till 6 in the
evening. This mill's been weaned ,
stranger ; she don't need a nurse.
While I'm getting in hay she puts half
a ton of paper on the roll. Gee up ,
Bess ! " Paper Trade Journal.
Table Talk.
Rather curiously Roxane in "Cyrano
de Bergerac" belongs to the modern
type which dates from the days of
the Hotel de Rambouillet and has al
ways had its votaries in France. To
those precieuses mere conversation
was une betise. They liked declama
tions ; discussion , not on the right of
woman to the ballot , but whether she
should be held a little higher than the
angels or consent to be beloved. This
phase of preciosity led up to the
French salon , where that hothouse
fashion of preparing an intellectual bill
of fare for guests found its most ac
ceptable phase.
Mme. Campan , whose advice may be
said to have formed a whole genera
tion of charming women , used to pre
scribe the subject of talk for dinner
tables , just as certain coteries of wo
men prescribe it today. This was her
system : "With 12 at table , talk voyages
and literature ; with eight , the fine arts ,
science , invention ; with six , politics or
philosophy ; with four , sentiment , ro
mantic adventure ; with two , talk of
yourself ; egoism belongs to the tete-a-
tete. " Ellen Olney Kirk in Lippin-
cott's.
A Race With the Sun.
The London Daily Mail says if an
aerial machine were capable of travel
ing at any rate up to 1,000 miles an
hour a traveler in it , starting westward
from London at a speed of 660 miles
an hour , would arrest the progress of
time. If 1' ° started at 10 a. m. , it
would always be to him 10 a. m.
Should he find his unending day mo
notonous , he could reverse his direc
tion and get a quick succession of
short days and nights of some six
hours' duration , but he could regulate
the length by the speed of his ma
chine. Suppose he traveled from Lon
don one night at 10 o'clock westward
at a speed of 1,000 miles per hour. He
would soon experience the sensation
of seeing the sun rising in the west
where it had set a short time before.
"The young man who gets cheated , "
said the corn fed philosopher , "thinks
the other fellow wonderfully smart ,
but the elderly person who goes up
against it admits himself to be a fool. "
Indianapolis Journal.
When old bachelors kiss babies , the
babies don't like it any better than do
the old bachelors. Chicago Record.
ADoubtliiR Father ,
Oiie warm midsummer duj Steve
found himself Hcutcd under the old
Baldwin apple tree , with the Imlf hull
of a red hearted watermelon in his lap.
Old Mr. B. , busy with the other half ,
paused now and then to ask Steve
about his new Job. how many cigars he
smoked in a day , what they cost and
what he paid for his line clothes. Pres
ently he wanted t- > know what they
called his boy on the road conductor ,
brakeman or what ?
"They call me the general freight
agent , father , " said Steve.
"That's a mighty big name , Steve. "
"Yes , father ; it's rather a big joL .
too , for me. "
"But ye don't do It all. Steve. Ye
must have hands to help you load and
unload ? "
"Oh. yes. I'have a lot of help ! "
"And the company pays them all ? "
"Yes. "
"How much do they pay you. Steve
§ 2 a day ? "
Steve almost strangled on a piece oi
core , and the old gentleman saw tlip
he had guessed too low.
"Three ? " he ventured.
"More than that , father. "
"Ye don't mean to say they pay ya
much ii-v-e ? "
as as - -
"Yes , father ; more than 25. "
The old man let the empty hull fall
between his knees , stared at his boy
and whistled.
"Say , Steve. " he asked earnestly ,
"are ye worth it ? " Lippiucott's Maga
zine.
The Inquisitive Ditiiincl.
A girl who took up photography not
long ago and endeavored to get some
valuable snap shots had bad luck with
her first pictures. There were funny
streaks of white all through them
when there was any picture at all , auj
she couldn't imagine how they came
there. Neither could an experienced
amateur who assisted in developing
her first negatives and who took the
usual precautions in loading the cam
era and taking the plates.
"I can't imagine what is the mat
ter , " he said as plate after plate came
out either good for nothing or with
only a little of the picture visible.
"Those ought to have been good
plates. "
"Neither can I , " said the girl. "They
looked all nice and smooth and white if
that is the way they ought to look. "
"Looked all right ! " exclaimed her in
structor in dismay. "You hadn't look
ed at them before we put them in the
camera , had you ? "
"Oh , not enough to hurt them ! " said
the girl. "I just lifted up the black
paper from each plate just the littlest
crack in the world. I just couldn't re
sist the temptation of seeing how nice
they looked and think of the lovely j
pictures I was going to have on them. "
New York Times.
Her Hnnily Money Stocking.
"Yes , you are right , " said the con
ductor of a Main street car , viciously
ringing up a fare. "Some people do
carry money in queer places. Now.
that Chinaman in there kept me waiting - j
ing over two blocks while he untied a
gordian knot in his cue , where he had
his cash. Some people keep me wait
ing five blocks or more while they fish
around for their money.
"Yesterday I was going north on
Main street , when , at the corner of
Adams , two women got on the car. 1
waited a minute or so and then went
in for the fares. The women looked
sort of dashed , and then one of them
began to fumble in her purse. Empty !
Then her companion made a dive at
the bottom of her skirts.
"Well , sir , it beat all. That woman
deliberately unlaced her shoe and took
it off and through a hole in her stock
ing fished out a dime. " Memphis
Scimitar.
A BIpr Snowfall.
he heaviest fall of snow that eve *
took place in England occurred in 1615.
The snow commenced falling on the
16th of January , 1615 , and continued
erery day until the 12th of March fol
lowing. It covered the earth to such
a depth that passengers , both horse
and foot , passed ovnr gates , hedges and
walls , which had been obliterated by
the white sheet. On the 12th of March
it began to decrease and so by little
and little consumed and wasted away
till the 2Sth of May , for then all the
heaps and drifts had disappeared ex
cept one upon Kinder scout , which lay
until Whitsun week.
A heavy fall occurred in Scotland in
1G20 , the snow falling 13 days and
nights with little or no intermission.
One of the heaviest falls on a single
day occurred on the 21st of February ,
1762 , the snow in some places being
from 10 to 12 feet deep.
Court anil "Witness Ajree.
An amusing incident occurred in one
of the common pleas courts the other
day. The lawyer for the defense was
making a very lengthy cross examina
tion of an old lady when he was inter
rupted by the judge with the remark ,
"I think you have exhausted this wit
ness. "
"Yes , judge , " she exclaimed , "I do
feel very much exhausted. " Philadel
phia Call.
The Wheelman's "View.
Mrs. Sprocket George , what in the
World happened to the pipe organ in
church this morning while you were
singing that solo ?
Mr. Sprocket ( who always talks bi
cycle ) Why , the organist was coasting
on easy grade with her feet off the
pedals when she ran into some sharp
notes , and the old thing punctured.
Ohio State Journal.
Nothing is so Indicative of deepest
culture as a tender consideration of
the ignorant.
Chinese coinage In the shape of a
knife has been traced back as far as
2240 B. C.
BILLS OVER A CENTURY OLD
Tlier Show Tea to Ilnvc Ilecn u Cam
bridge Student * * Favorite Drink.
There is a bill for groceries , etc. , fur
nished for an undergraduate at Cam
bridge In the year 1788. The bill con
tains one or two items of furniture.
Apparently the undergraduate took
over rooms already furnished at a val
uation , and certain articles had to be
bought new , such as a hearth brush , a
pail , a mop and a "Holland gotch. "
One knows not what this means , but
it cost 2 shillings 1) pence (43 ( cents ) .
The undergraduate would seem at
first sight to have consumed tea in a
most reckless manner. On Oct. 24 he
Is charged 2 shillings for Hyson and 1
shilling 6 pence for Congo. On Nov.
1 he is charged 2 shillings for tea au-1
on the same day , which looks odd , 6
shillings 6 pence for tea. On the 9th
of the mouth lie buys a new teapot , the
old one. OKO supposes , worn out with
hard service. However , this tea lasts
him till the end of the term , so that
his tea costs him for the two months
no more than 11 shillings , or $2.75. an.l
as the price of tea at this time varied
from S shillings to about 25 shillings
we may conclude that he got through
no more than a pound during the term.
In other words , this young man took
for breakfast a slight repast of weak
tea and bread and butter. Dinner was
then served at 12 , HO that breakfast
was only what the Indians call a
"chota hazri. " On sugar he spent 4
shillings , which means six pounds at
8 pence a pound. On candles he spent
24 shillings S'/i ; pence , or about 3 shil
lings a week. lie burned wax candles ,
mold candles and "wax twist. " Salt
was a shilling a packet. On two occa
sions he bought sand. Was , then , the
floor of his room sanded ? It would
seem so. St. Louis Republic.
SOME COVETED SCRAWLS.
Rare Autoprrnphs For Which Im-
meiine Prices Have Been Paid.
The most prized autographs in the
world are those of Shakespeare. On
ly seven are claimed to exist , three
signatures to his will ( each with a
different spelling ) , two to conveyances
of property , one In the folio edition of
his plays ( doubtful ) and one in a Tudor
translation of Montaigne. This last in
in the British museum and cost over
3,000 guineas.
One thousand guineas was the price
given by the late Mr. Alfred Morri
son of Carlton House terrace for an
autograph letter written by Marie
Stuart to the archbishop of Guise.
This and two other letters ( one to the
pope and the other to the king of
France ) were written by the unfortu
nate queen of Scots on the morning of
her execution. The letter to the French
king was destroyed during the days of
the terror , while that to the pope is
still preserved at the Vatican.
The well known bookseller Bernard
Quaritch gave 1,000 for an autograph
of Columbus , which was exhibited at
the World's fair at Chicago. A Chicago
cage autograph dealer is said to have
offered to give $100,000 , or over 20-
000 , for a genuine autograph of
Shakespeare if brought to him within
a year of making his offer. It was a
safe bluff , for since the tragic fate of
Chatterton no forger has cared to
tackle the quaint scrawl of the Bard of
Avon. Collier's Weekly.
Jimmy nnd the Baby.
Jimmy's mother kept cows and sold
milk. Jimmy himself had nothing to
do with the cows , though sometimes
he used to carry the milk pail to his
mother's customers. The customers
all liked Jimmy , with his round , frec
kled face and bashful grin , and they
used to ask him how business was , for ,
although Jimmy was only 13 years old ,
he had a business. He made coffins
baby coffins and sold them to the un
dertaker. They were nice pine coffins ,
with all the edges carefully joined.
Jimmy received 00 cents for each one.
One'day Jimmy stopped at the house
of one of his mother's customers to
leave some milk. A little boy met him
at the door.
"We've got a new baby ! " said the
little boy. "Would you like to see it ? "
Jimmy nodded. The little boy's aunt
laughingly led Jimmy to the cradle
where the new baby was. Jimmy
gazed at the infant for some time ,
speechless with admiration or some
such emotion.
"What do you think of it , Jimmy ? "
asked the aunt.
Jimmy grinned.
" 1 guess I'll have to make a nice lit
tle coffin when I go home. " he said.
New York Commercial Advertiser.
Boer.s Great Pioneers.
The Boer is the ideal pioneer. From
the days of the great trek , in 1S37 , and
even before that he opened up coun
tries hitherto unexplored by a white
man. A great deal of fuss has been
made of mighty travelers , English and
foreign , who have traversed Africa , to
the vast pecuniary benefit of their pub
lishers and with no small meed of fame
to themselves , but there was scarcely
one of the old voortrekkers and hunt
ers of the forties and fifties who did
not accomplish feats of endurance ,
pluck and lengthy travel which were
ten times as trying. London Mail.
Successive "Waves.
The following waif is going the
rounds of the state press : We are told
of a young lady in a neighboring town
who waved her hand at a stranger , and
in three days they were married. Two
days later the young lady -waved a
flatiron at her husband , and the next
evening he came home -waving a di
vorce. Nashville Banner.
Spanish. Are Charitable.
The Spanish are among the most
charitable people on earth. Without a
poor tax , Spanish communities of 50-
000 self supporters feed a pauper pop
ulation of 5,000 or more.
MAIN CELLS.
THEY REFUSE TO WORK UNDER TOO
HIGH A PRESSURE. '
IMit on Too Much Steam nitil Thcuc
Minute Or fran I win * Go on Strike.
Why Men ( Jo Crnzy or IlecoL'io Ab-
Heiitiiilmlcil.
Keeping pace with scientific thought
and progress certain problems which
in the past have been shelved for want
of light being thrown upon them have
been taken up again one by one to un
dergo further examination by the aid
of Improved science.
The newest revelation in this direc
tion tends to the science of the mind
and Includes the following problems :
Why does a man act qucerly when
he is intoxicated ?
Why is a man absentmlnded on oc
casions ?
Why does is nan sometimes become
violently inst : e , often a dangerous ,
raving lunatic ?
Such questions as these have puzzled
our immediate tethers , who have hard
ly ever satisfatorily explained them
away or indeed thrown much reliable
light upon them The human brain is
composed of ccAis , and each cell is a
simple bit of nerve substance , from
one end of which , like an octopus ,
spring a number of tentacles , while
from another part arises an arm dif
ferent from them and of great length.
The long arm is Intended for trans
mitting impressions from one portion
of the brain system to another. It be
ing made to touch the tentacles or
short arms of the next one to It , the
latter In its turn effecting contact with
a third cell , and so on.
Thus a message Is conveyed and the
mind gets Its news. The entire brain
Is made up of these cells , whose num
ber is legion and whose full strength
Is grouped in systems , these systems
In turn being arranged in communi
ties , the communities in clusters and
finally the clusters in constellations ,
by which divisions they are known to
physiologists.
So long as the mind is in a healthy
condition each little cell , or brain oc
topus , attends to its business faithful
ly and gives no trouble , but as man
generally is an animal who usually re
fuses to live the life spanned out by
nature and adopts instead the life laid
down by the modern artificial process
of living , instituted forsooth by civi
lization , mental disturbances frequent
ly arise through the brain becoming
abused in various ways , from over
work and alcohol principally.
Your octopuslike brain cell is n liv
ing little thing , and it can endure a
great deal of abuse from you , but if
you should go a little too far it rebels
and refuses to work any longer by
breaking contact with its companion
cells , -which it can do by withdrawing
its long arm and getting Itself out of
circuit. But this rebellion is conduct
ed by whole groups of cells acting to
gether In full harmony.
Now , the object of this "strike" is
simply to avoid overwork , for each
tiny cell lias stored within its minute
space only a certain amount of energy ,
but if you put on the high pressure
this is easily consumed by the opera
tion of the brain , and the organism
breaks down from exhaustion. Now ,
take the first of the problems just
stated. When a person takes too much
to drink , the cells in those patches of
the brain that are responsible for the
conduct of muscular movement be
come affected and the man staggers.
When the dose is very large , the
cells , which , although stupefied , have
tried to keep their master on his legs ,
now cease working , and the man sleeps
like one dead. Finally , if more than
enough of alcoholic drink be taken ,
the effect on the cells Is to paralyze
them , and the unfortunate man dies.
There is some relation between ex
traordinary activity of the mind and
insanity. Geniuses are apt td exhibit
symptoms of mental alienation , and ,
singular to relate , their children are
usually inferior to those of average
men.
For instance , not to go out of Eng
land for example. Cromwell was a
hypochondraic and had visions. Dean
Swift inherited insanity and was him
self not a little mad , Shelley was call
ed by his friends "Mad Shelley , "
Charles Lamb went crazy. Johnson
was another hypochondriac , Coleridge
was a morbid maniac , Milton was of a
morbid turn of mind , nearly approach
ing Insanity ( modern ideas of hades
are largely formed on the description
evolved by his diseased imagination ) ,
and Byron said he was visited by
ghosts.
This mental alienation occurring in
the foregoing cases shows that cer
tain specific groups of brain cells have
come under the baneful influence of
the guiding spirit called talent or
genius , which has used up all the en
ergy stored in each cell and each group
of cells , to the detriment of the whole ,
with the result that their ceasing work
has brought about various types of
insanity as depicted or , to phrase it
more softly , induced disturbance of
the mental equilibrium.
The remaining problem is absent-
mindedness. This is produced by a
temporary disjunction of certain
groups of cells. A man becomes so
absorbed in his study of some partic
ular subject and lends his whole
mind to thought that the hard think
ing disorganizes the groups of cells
employed in the process of reflection ,
their tentacles being turned all one
way , to the detriment of mental ac
tion generally , and so the man with
the tentacles of his brain cells turned
In the one direction passes along the
streets lost to all observation or mental
Inception and does all manner of queer
things because he is not conscious of
what he is doing. Pearson's Maga
zine.