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One Divided by Naught.
Four men sitting together were con
fiding to ouo another their general ignorance -
noranco of the matter contained in text
books. One eaid he had studied algebra
for tbreo years , bnt ho would find it
impossible to solve the simplest prob
lem by an algebraic process. Another
said he had been counted a good student
in geology , and yet ho doubted if he
could name the principal periods in
their proper order.
"Now lot's see how much you do
know , " said one of the men. "How
much is one divided by naught or
nothing ? "
"One divided by nothing ? " repeated
the man at his right. "Why , that's
one. If one isn't divided by anything ,
it remains one. "
"I think the answer is nothing. "
said another. "One divided by nothing
is nothing. Sure , that's right. "
"You'ro the worst I ever heard , "
said the man who had given the prob
lem. "One divided by nothing that
means how many times is nothing cou-
1 taiued in on' It is contained an infinite
1 number of times , and the correct au-
| swer is infinity. "
I Then ho had to talk to them for five
minutes in order to convince them.
I Chicago Kecord.
Tlio Heliograph.
| With all its superiority in distances
1 the heliograph is too uncertain for sole
! reliance. A passing cloud is sufficient
to interrupt the clearest signals , per
haps in the critical moment of a battle ,
or a sun haze may render invisible fho
rays from the largest mirror , so that at
any time without a clear atmosphere
the system is useless.
It is not known that the heliographic
system has ever been in use on ship
board , and the sea service has nothing
for daylight signaling that approaches
its accomplishment in dry atmospheres.
For night service at sea the flashlight
appears to b ° the best system of signal
ing in all weathers , though on rare oc
casions the long beam of the electric
searchlight thrown up on the sky has
proved effective for communication
when it was possible by no other means.
An instance of such use was reported a
few years ago by two British ships ,
which while on opposite sides of a hig !
promontory nine miles in width opened
communication with each other by
means of dot and dash flashes on the
sky from their searchlights. Lippiu-
cott'e.
Gladstone's Doings and Undoings *
Mr. Gladstone began as the defender
of the Irish church ; he ended by de
molishing it. No one ever opposed more
vehemently the extension of British in
fluence in Egypt , but it was under his
government we bombarded the Alexan
drian forts , fought the battle of Tel-el-
Kebir and reduced Egypt to the condi
tion of a British satrapy. He was the
most conspicuous advocate of peace
with Russia when Lord Beacousfield
was in office , until Constantinople was
in clanger. Five years later he left
office , after having brought us to the
very verge of war with Russia for the
sake of Penjdeh One year ho clapped
Mr. Paruell into prison , the next he
proposed to make over to him the gov
ernment of Ireland , and then again he
deposed him from the leadership. Yet j
he was always consistent and anxious I
for his consistency. Circumstances alter j
cases , and Mr. Gladstone was not above
being taught by events. W. T. Stead
in Review of Reviews.
True to Principles.
A New South Wales country school
teacher recently gave a boy a question
in compound proportion for home work
which happened to include the circum
stance of "men working ten hours a
day in order to complete a certain
work. ' ' Nort morning the unsuspecting
teacher in looking over the little pack
of exercises found Jim's sum uuat-
tempted and the following letter in
closed in the page :
Sur I refuse to let Jim do his sum you give
give him last nito has it looks to me to bo n
slur at 8 hour sistum enny sum not more than
8 hours ho -welcum to do but not more.
Yours trncly , AuiiAii BLANK , Senr.
Conld Be Used Often.
The following anecdote illustrates
Donizetti's susceptibility and quick wit.
During his long stay at St. Petersburg
he played by command before the Czar
Nicholas , who entered into conversation
with a bystander in the course of the
piece. Donizetti at once broke off the
performance.
"Why have yon stopped ? " asked the
autocrat.
"Sire , " was the reply , "when the
czar is speaking everybody else should
bo silent. "
Pessimism.
"There is a great deal of difference , "
she said with sarcasm , "between the
way a man parts with his money before
he is married and afterward. "
"Yes , " said Mr. Penny wise. "Be
fore marriage , when ho gives her a $3
bunch of flowers , she says : 'Thank you ,
George. You are so good and kind and
generous. ' But after , when he gives her
three-fourths of his salary , she merely
looks hurt and says , 'Is that all ? ' "
Washington Star.
Juries In Mexico.
There are no "professional jurors"
in Mexico. Nine of a man's peers try
him , and a majority is a verdict. If
the nine are unanimous , there is no ap
peal. To servo on a jury one must have
a diploma in law , medicine or some
other profession , or an income of § 100 a
month , or ho must bo a member of a
family whose head has an income of
$2,000 a year.
Dogs kept exclusively for guiding
blind persons or for tending sheep or
: attlo on a farm or by shepherds are
exempt from taxation in Great Britain.
It only takes a woman five minutes
to clean up a man's desk BO that it will
fake him two weeks to find anything he
wants. Exchange.
A Great Naval Duel.
Henceforward to use Nelson's wordi
about hifi own most desperate acction
"thero was uo maneuvering , there was
only downright fighting , " and great at
w-as .1 ones' unquestionable merit as t
handler of ships it was downright fight'
ing endurance of the most extreme anc
individual character that won this bat
tle. When thas in contact , the superior
ity of the British eighteens over the
American twelves , though less than al
a distance , was still great , but a fai
heavier disparity lay in the fabrics oi
the two enemies. The Richard was a
very old ship , rotten , never meant foi
naval use. The Serapis was new , on
.fyer first commission. The fight hithertc
having engaged the port guns of the
latter , the starboard lower gunportc
were still closed , and from the ships
touching could not bo opened. Thev
were therefore blown off , and the fight
went on.
"A novelty in naval combats was
now presented to many witnesses , bul
to few admirers , " quaintly wrote Lieu
tenant Dale , who was in the midst of
the scene below decks. "The rammer.-
were run into the respective ships to
enable the men to load" that is , the
staves of tha rammers of one ship en
tered the ports of the other as the guns
were being loaded. "Wo became so
close fore and aft , " reported Pearson ,
"that the muzzles of our guns touched
each othisr's sides , " and even so , by the
testimony of the lieutenant on the lower
gun deck of the Serapis , her guns could
not bo fully run out owing to the near
ness of the vessels. Captain Mahan in
Scribner's.
Ar. Anecdote of the Revolution.
Senator Bate of Tennessee told the
following anecdote of Colonel Tom
Sumter : Sumter was a great big giant
of a fellow , with a voice like a fog
horn. It is said his "holler" could be
heard for miles. On one occasion when
he was off on a foray the Tories came
and captured his wife , Molly , and
stripped the plantation of everything.
When "Old Tom" came home and found
Molly gone , his rage knew no bounds.
Gathering together such forces as he
could ho put after the Tories. He over
took them on the third day and hung
about until midnight. Then ho deploy
ed his forces around the camp and told
them to await his orders to fire. He was
afraid of Molly being shot in the melee.
So when he got everything ready he
opened his big mouth and let out a yell
that fairly made the earth tremble :
"Laydown , Molly ! Lay down , Molly ! "
and Molly , recognizing those stentorian
tones , fell prone on her face , and after
the last "Lay down , Molly ! " came the
command fire and charge. Molly was
recaptured without hurt.
Must Have Been a Boston Man.
"Herois a story , " says the Kennebec
( Me. ) Journal , "they are telling on a
trolley conductor in the employ of an
eastern Maina company. There being a
slight wait , a certain member of the
sex which is not considered eligible for
enlistment and may therefore be sat on
with impunity got the benefit of his
ruling passion. Hero is their conversa
tion :
"Tho Woman Are you going to the
Baugor House ?
"The Conductor No , madam.
"The Woman Is this car going to
the Bangor House then ?
"The Conductor No , madam.
"Tho Woman Well er er is this
the car to take to go to the Bangor
House ?
"Tho Conductor It is , madam. It
passes the door.
"She clambered in , and the villain
smiled on. "
Fortunes From Bananas.
Immense fortunes have been niado
out of the banana business. Revenues
do not accrue alone from the sale of the
fruit , for the leaves are used for pack
ing ; the juice , being strong in tannin ,
makes an indelible ink and shoe black
ing ; the wax found on the underside of
the leaves is a valuable article of com
merce ; manilla hemp is made from the
stems , and of this hemp are made mats ,
plaited work and lace handkerchiefs of
the finest texture. Moreover , the banana
is ground into banana flour. The fruit
to be sold for dessert is ripened by the
dry warmth of flaring gas jets in the
storage places in which it is kept , and
immense care has to betaken to prevent
softening or overripeniug. The island
af Jamaica yields great crops of this
useful and money making fruit.
A Stone That Grows.
A West Gouldsboro ( Me. ) man tolls
i queer story about a stouo that grows ,
[ t is on egg shaped , flinty looking rock ,
which ho picked up in a cove near his
liomo over 30 years ago. Then it
tveighed about 12 pounds and from its
add shape was kept in the house and on
iho doorstep as a curiosity. As the
pears passed the stone increased in size.
Six years ago it weighed 40 pounds ,
rnd now it tips the scale at 05 pounds ,
rho owner swears it is the same stone ,
md tells a likely story , with numer
ous witnesses to back him up. Es-
change.
Drunk on Smokinr.
Mosleme are forbidden to drink wines
) r spirits , but in Tunis they contrive to
reach the same ends by smoking prepa
rations of hemp flowers. The milder
dnd is called kif , and if used in moder-
ition has no more effect than wine , but
iho concentrated essence , known as
jhira , produces intoxication as quickly
is raw spirits and leads to delirium
; remens.
Well Located.
He Phrenologists locate benevolence
jxactly at the top of the head.
She Yes , as far from the pockot-
aook as possible. Up to Date.
Worst Suffering of AH.
Johnny What's a hypochondriac ?
Papa Ho's a man who Buffers ter
ribly from things that don't ail him.
tan Francisco Examiner.
MntchcM.
The man who was old enough tt
know better was chasing up and down
a Sixteenth street boarding house , try
ing to find a match to light a cigarette
with.
"Did it ever occur to you , " he said
to the man who finally found a lighi
for him , "what a boon and o benisou
the cigarette manufacturer has been tc
the match manufacturer ? Think of it a
moment. First , however , give me an
other match for this cigarette. I don't
know how many cigarettes are made iv
this country , but let us , for the sake oi
argument , say there are a thousand
carloads a year. Well , it takes on an
average another light , please foui
matches to the cigarette , and the manu
facturer of matches must therefore
make 4,000 carloads of matches just to
meet the cigarette demand. You may
not think 4,000 carloads is a great
quantity , but if you knew how hard it
was to get one match when your cigar
ette is out , yon would think 4,000 car
loads wasn't a few if you had to go
around begging them. I have never
given serious study to the matter , but ,
looking at it oisually , I should say the
match manufacturers owe an inestima
ble debt of gratitude to the cigarette
makers. " New York Sun.
Cusli Versus Glory.
An ordinary service to mankind is
usually paid for at current rates in legal
tender. An extraordinary service , not
involving the element of heroism , is re
warded by both legal tender and more
or less fame. The highest of all services ,
rendered at the risk of life , is supposed
to receive its full compensation in glory ,
unaccompanied by more sordid consid
erations. If , however , the hero of the
service last mentioned should not bo
contented with his meed of glory , but
should demand more substantial reward ,
he may receive it indeed , bnt at a large
discount from the other ( and in senti
mental estimation more valuable ) con
sideration.
Unlike the butcher , the baker and
the candlestick maker , who receive
their quid pro quo without a thought
of humiliation , either in their own
minds or yours , the man who saves
your life at the risk of his own is looked
upon as almost if not quite disgracing
himself by accepting your proffered pe
cuniary reward , although he may , in
fact , be in far sorer need than any one
of the worthy trio who simply contrib
ute to your necessities or comforts.
Edward P. Jackson in North American
Review.
Tlie GIowTVorm'n X Rny.
The glowworm's light is said to have
been shown to be due to the emission of
rays similar to Roentgen's. Three hun
dred glowworms were caught near
Kioto and placed before photographic
plates screened from the light by sev
eral thicknesses of black paper , together
with plates of brass , copper and alumin
ium. A piece of cardboard with a hole
in it was placed between the metal and
the photographic plate , and for two
days the arrangement was kept in a
dark chamber , sheltered from all foreign
lights. On developing the plate it
was found to be blackened , except the
part opposite the hole in the cardboard.
The rays of the glowworm would appear
therefore to penetrate metal and excite
luminosity in cardboard. When there is
nothing between the sensitive plate and
the glowworm , the rays are said to be
have like ordinary light , but in travers
ing some metals and cardboard they
seem to acquire properties like that of
X rays , or it may bo that the ordinary
glowworm emits X as well as ordinary
rays. Revue Scientifique.
A Mean Trieli.
Abseutmindedly Brooks stepped up
to the cashier's desk and paid for his
luncheon. Then , accompanied by Riv
ers , he went out into the open air.
"Brooks , " said Rivers , "you'd better
go back and settle for your dinner if
you don't want the proprietor to follow
you out and dun you right hero on the
street. "
"Great Scott ! Didn't I pay for it ? "
ejaculated Brooks. ' ' Where's my check ?
I haven't got it. "
"I picked it up as we left the table , "
said Rivers. "Here it is. "
"Ah , you have come back to pay the
other gentleman's check , " said the
cashier as Brooks went back , stepped up
to the desk a second time and handed
out a half dollar.
When Brooks went outside again , a
moment later , Rivers was nowhere in
sight , and there is another unsettled
account between them. Chicago Trib
une.
CntiHCM of Dcntli.
An Austrian professor estimates that
only 900 persons out of 1,000,000 die
from old age , while 1,200 succumb to
gout , 18,400 to measles , 2,700 to apoplexy
plexy , 7,000 to erysipelas , 7,500 to con
sumption , 48,000 to scarlet fever , 25-
000 to whooping cough , ,10,000 to ty
phoid and typhus and 7,000 to rheuma
tism. These averages of course vary ac
cording to locality. Smallpox does not
even get a place in the list. "Was this
Austrian professor an antivacciuator :
London Globe.
AVnyH mid Montis.
Homo Seeker ( inspecting a flat )
How in the world are people to live in
such little cubby holes as these ?
Agent Easy enough , mum. All you
need is folding beds and camp chairs
and self doubling up tables and a few
things like that.
"Humph ! I can hardly turn around
in these rooms myself. "
"I see , mum. It's too bad to bo so
afflicted , mum. You should take anti-
fat. " New York Weekly.
The Syrians regarded the rose as an
emblem of immortality , the Chiueso
planted it over graves , and in the Tyrol
it is said to produce sleep. Rose leaves
are sometimes thrown on the fire for
good luck. In Franco and Italy it is be
lieved that rosy cheeks will come to the
lass that buries a drop of her blood un
der a rosebush.
F , M , KIMELL ,
McCGOK , NEB.
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