The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, January 30, 1891, Image 6

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    Ascorrr.m Your
A oriCATj
In public plnccH nowndh/s Uicro stands a
Without proprietor or clerk to toll Its simple
tulo ;
But passi-rs-by may read tlio words engraved
upon ti pinto.
, To"Dropii nickel in the slot and ascertain
yourwclclit. "
A moral's licrc. peed people. If you'll tafco a
moment's thought.
A lesson lor life's Kuidanco 'tis and most sue
clncily tmiKlit ;
For If It liu ilio p.irl of limn to liavo n bout
wlllifsitc ,
It surely Is tlio tlilacr to do to "ascertuln yom
weight. "
80 , If you think that politics affords you widest
If to pull the \vlrrs deftly Is your purpose uni
your t ope. . ,
If you funcy that your destiny's to glorify the
st lo ,
Just drop u iHckcl in the slot and ascertain
your weight.
If you dream that you're an actor , and Imap
Inc von'rc endowed
With graces mid with gifts to win the plaudits
of Hit ! croud ,
If sock and buskin visions flll your soul with
joy elate ,
Just > lrop u nickel in the slot and ascertain
your weight.
If you feel that you're a poet , and by right
( II vine belong
To lho o whose wings have borne them to Par-
„ nnsslnn heights of song ,
If bal/iies ? umdeaus , triolets , youlonggo in
cubate ,
Just drop u nlcltol In the slot and ascertain
your weight.
If you deem your forte the story , and you only
ask the chance
To run a tilt with Haggard in the regions of
If another llobert Elsmcro you are eager to
* create.
Just drop u nickel In the slot and ascertain
your weight.
If you ECO yourself a lawyer , or a doctor , or a
beau ,
If yon think that as a lover you could make a
touch'ing show.
If you deem toclety the field you ought to cul
tivate ,
Just di op a nickel in the slot and ascertain
your weight.
In short , whatc'er the path to which ambition
points the way ,
Bopeat ibis legend to yourself ere yet you
make essay.
For it Is well that modesty , before it is too
Should drop a nickel in the slot and ascertain
its weight.
Willlxm L. Kccse , in Harper's Mognziuo.
The dark , drizzling rain , lowering
clouds and heavy atmosphere bring
back to me so well the night so many
years ajro on" which poor Ole Joe
breathed" his last. "I say "Ole Joe. "
Such was lie always called by every
one , old aucH'oung , on the plantation ,
I really believe.
Some of the negroes never thought
he was anything else than old in oth
er words , born old. From my earliest
childhood he was always the same.
Tall and slightly bent , with a shaking ,
rheumatic walk , grizzly hair and beard.
It may have been natural , it may hare
been from respect to his old age , but
Ole Joe was looked up to by every oth
er negro on the place , and had a pe
culiar way of adapting himself to any
crowd he was thrown amongst. He
was a favorite with all the children ,
and had a knack of telling stories and
gesticulating that I have never heard
before or since. It may not have been
what he said so much as the manner
in which it was related , but certain it
is that all the children were lirm be
lievers in his stories , and looked upon
him as something of an oracle.
For many years everything glided
along peacefully , until my father's
death , and then what -change. . Al
ways a kind master and good neigh
bor , his death was mourned by all.
We had scarcely gotten over the -shock
when , not long after , news was brought
to the house that Arthur , an only
brother , had been found dead on "the
big road. " It proved but too true.
He had received severe internal
injuries , and died before help could
reach htm. I will draw a veil over
the next few years. Many changes
had taken place on the plantation , but
I will tell you about the death of "Ole
Joe. " He had been sick and decrepit
a long time , but no one had thought
the end was so near. One day I was
busily attending household affairs ,
when one of the women rushed in and
cried :
"O , Miss Hattie , do for de Lord's
sake come to Ole Joe. I jes know he's
dyin1 out thar in the field. "
I rushed out where he was , and
when I reached the spot he was lyin <
on the ground. The negroes , paralysed
with fear , were afraid'to touch him.
His breathing was , faint and irregular
so faint , indeed , that it was hardly
perceptible. Giving orders to the men
to take him into the cabin at once.I dis
patched one of the darkies for a phy
sician and hurried to the house to get
restoratives. These were administered ,
and he had partially recovered when
the doctor arrived. "After remaining
some time , and having given directions
to Mammy Jane , who was to act as
uurse , he "look his departure.
Before leaving , however , he told me
he thought Ole Joe's time was run , and
his death was onlythe question of a
few hours. I went over to the bed
and sat down by the side of one who
had ever been such a faithful friend
and servant. As I sat there his eyes
opened and he gazed around the room
as one would after consciousness from
a long siege of illness. He looked at
me , then at the negroes standing
round , awl I saw that he recognized
all. He spoke slowlv and distinctly ,
though with great effort. He said :
" 1 bin tell in you a long time I was
jrettin1 feeble , and now I tell you that
Ole JoeMl soon be gone. You've all
been good and kind chillun , and I's
mighty thankful. But. oh. Lord } * , jes1
to think that I shall soon see Marse
Henry and-OIe Miss and Marse Abe
and all the folks I's see buried on.this
'ere phtre.1 And in his weakness and
excitement the tears rolled down
his cheeks. I gave him the medicine
prescribed , which seemed to ease him ,
and left the cabin soon to return.
jSTews was brought to the house that
he was resting , and it wat just before
sunrise that I went over again. There
was no change , except that his voice
had grown weaker , and his talk was
occasionally wild and disconnected.
Sometimes he thought he was in the
.field picking cotton. Again he was
hunting the fox with "Marso Hen
ry , " and the old man would rise from
his pillow with his imaginary bridle.
NOW he was joining in one of the plan
tation songs , and never before had I
heard his "Voice raised BO clear. Ex
hausted from his singing and panting ,
he fell into a stupor from which we
thought he would never rally.
It was nigh onto to 10 o'clock when
the doctor came. .He said : "It is just
us I expected ; he will bo dead before
morning. " When the negroes heard
this they began to wail ana bemoan as
only negroes can. The women threw
their aprons over their heads , yelling
as though some fearful calamity "was at
hand. The contagion soon spread
from cabin to cabin , and for a while
the plantation resounded with cries
and lamentations. Men and women ,
no longer excluded from the room ,
Hocked in to take a last look at faith
ful Ole Joe alive.
He seemefl to regain consciousness ,
and. spoke to them for the last time ,
and even at this hour I could noMnit
notice that ho spoke with the same de
liberation as of old. Ho said : "There's
one thing I want to ask. Bury me be
hind White Church whar nobody won't
pester me. " Hostopped a moment
and then went on : "I's mighty happy
to die. Just now I saw Marser , and
he say they's waitin' for me at the oth
er side uv de ribber. I ain't never
done no harm to any living crittur.
'Twasn't no fault o' mine that" Jim ( his
brother ) tried to kill Jack Adams. I's
always tried to do what I thought wuz
right , and de Lord he ain't gwyiu' to
give me up. I wants to die. for I's
lived long enough , and I tell ye it's
mighty poor to keep on when you can't
help nobody , and is a burden on pee
ple's hands. " Here he seemed to lose
his breath , and was unable to say more
when he tried to.
The death struggle did not begin for
several hours afterward. I saw that
he was becoming weaker , and called in
some men to prop him on his pillows.
The atmosphere in the room was close ,
and I walked out into the cool night
air. The rain , which had been falling
heavily all the evening , had now light
ened , and the trees just shedding their
leaves , were sighing and moaning. A
dog back of { ho barn sot up a distant
howl and soon others from a neighbor
ing farm joined in. * Death seemed to
be in the air , and one could almost
hear him creeping"along. . Not daring
to remain longer outside , I went into
the cabin again. A first glance at the
bed told me that the grim monster
would soon claim his own. Ole Joe
was supported by two men , and his
eyes , grey and glass } ' , were already
fixed. His mouth was open and as my
hand passed m front of his face , I
felt his cold clammy breath. I lifted
up one of his horny hands , hardened
from many years labor. All around
the nails was a circle of blue , and
the fingers were even icy. Looking at
his face , it seemed to have grown ages
older since the day before. There
were many wrinkles and furrows in
the hollow cheeks , and the eyes starting
in their sockets , were sunken much.
His nose was sharpened , and seemed
of a different hue from the rest of his
face. Happity , the struggle did not
last long. His tongue turned in his
mouth , one long , loud breath , and all
was over.
We buried him just as he had asked ,
near White Church on the Avalona
road , and the three big oaks sing a
lovely anthem over his grave. Atlanta
And Georgia People Think Tils Quaint
Observations Contain All "Wisdom.
Smithville , Lee County , Ga. . boasts
a colored philosopher named John
Spradler. who is known to his ac
quaintances by the familiar title of
"Uncle. " He makes a great many
startling and sensational observations ,
some of which have been thought
worthy of a place in print. Here are
a few of his quaint assertions from the
Louisvflle Times :
I doan know ef dis worl' is a fren' to
grace or not.kase I know some folks
dot don't say grace at all.
De sayin' is , you mus1 make hay
while de sun shines , en dat'r. why
dere's sech a scarcity of hay. r lks
don't like de sun , you see.
Religionis a great blcwin' , b t sum
folks have a call to plow , en1 tink it is
a call to preach. Dat counts for de
scarcity ob farmers 'mong de cullud
I doan b'lieve in findin' fault wid dis
lieah worl' , kase it's de best worl11
I was ever in , an' it's a mighty long
ways to de next one.
De Bible tells de sluggard to go to
de ants , but some o1 dese ants would
mck it so hot for him dat he1 hab to
sit ; up and hustle.
It's a long lane what ain't got no
turnin' , but tek care ho don't turn too
short and turn de wagon over. So
don't drive too fast.
Dis race * question is mighty easy to
settle. Let de white man keep on"be -
in' white , an1 de nigger black , an1
foller de mule faithful , an' quitjloatin'
round' de keutry , an' hit'll settle jis
like coffee.
When I see a man goin' home wid a
gallon ob whisky and a pound ob meat
[ know dat dere's a peck ob misenr to
ebery pound ob happiness in dat house-
Derc ain't no use in grievin1 over
spilt milk , for ten to ono de milk was
jalf water , an' dere's plenty mo' wells
in de keutry.
"VVet Feet.
How often do we see people tramp
ing about in the mud , with shoes
soaked through ; and how often do such
people when they return home sit down
bv the fireside and permit their feet to
dry , without changing either stockings
or shoes. Can we then wonder at the
coughing and barking and rheumatism
and inflammation which enable the
doctors to ride in their carriages ? Wet
feet most commonly produce affections
of the throat and luugs.and when such
diseases have once Taken place "the
house is on fire , " danger is not far off ;
therefore , every .N . no matter how
healthy , ought > guard against wet
feet. N. Y. Ledger.
The SO Cents "Were Needed.
"Can you give me 30 cents , kind'
sir ? " asked a beggar. " 1 wish to buy
a ham sandwich. "But you can ge.t a
ham sandwich for a nickel. " "Yes i
the quarter is to fee the waiter with/1
N. T. Sun.
Doing : Refused Quarters , Ho Bu s a
Shave and a New Suit uud Is "Wei.
Chicago either has Letter hotel nccom
modatious than she used to have , or ]
present a more iuviting appearance nt
the hotel desk than I did. I remember
of landing in a few years ago
Irom the West. I catne to buy a new
Job press and some colored ink for
printing calling cards and wedding
stationery in my mountain home. I can
only remember dimly the costume I
wore , but I now believe that my general
appearance had something to do with
my failure to secure good quarters and
ns a result it gave me a false impression
of Chicago's hospitality.
I wore as nearly as I can now remem
ber , a set of bronze whiskers with a lit
tle alkali dust in them , a soft , rather
widish and slightly debilitated hatworn
with a rakish air , on one side. I re
member that I wore my overcoat a good
deal more than other people did , but
this was partly because I had forgotten
my beneath coat and hated to go about
the streets of Chicago in my shirt
I had a new pair of boo& that I
thought a great deal of , for they were
so small and symmetrical and expensive ,
that I did not mind the pain they gave
me. The heels were high and tapering ,
the instep arched and graceful and the
tops were of beautiful bronze morocco ,
laced up with ecru corset strings of the
lily manner was free and debonnair ,
though I had been a justice of the peace ,
and had money enough in my purse to
buy a Gordon job press and a small line
of ornamental type for card and eques
trian work at home.
I can see now that the clerk at the
desk always hesitated about -assigning
me a room , even before he had retired to
look over his tally sheet at the rear of
the office. In this way I went to ono
hotel after another , signing iny name
smaller and smallcr.less and less like my
own and more and more like "Dennis' , "
until the grey of dawn came gently
across the cold , blue bosom of the lake.
Gradually the hush that lay along the
river , the grim and tallowy river , was
broken and business on Chirk street
awakened. I went in at first to the shop
of a barber , and , shaking hands with my
bronze whiskers for the last time , I filed
them away in the dim garret of the past.
Then I went to a shop where clothes
were being sacrificed just as they are
to-day. I bought a few togs that were
quiet and laid aside the fortissimo trous
ers I had , taking care , however , to re
place them with others before emerging
to the street.
When I came forth I had also a new
fiat. In those days men wore a small ,
spoon-shaped hat , which is greatly af
fected by the low comedians on the stage
ut present. I looked like a butterfly of
fashion when I came into the sunlight.
I burie.d my block enamelled grip near
where Dr. Cronin's body was found , and
by evening iThad resolved to go to the
best hotel and stay a day or two. I am
glad I did , for it gave me a polish Which
is still noticeable eveu in the court cir
cles of Europe and Joliet.
So 1 say that even in Chicago clothing
makes a difference. The artist has
shown that the improvement was hardly
enough to warrant the change in my
reception , ana" yet I got the bridal
chamber at one of the best of hotels ,
burned out a whole lot of gas , did not
get up till long after breakfast was
ready , and finally went hors.a without
my Gordon press to brag over my action
at Chicago.
Years bare added to the air of naltette ,
polish and bonhomme thus so fortunate
ly inaugurated and now I am often asked
while gassing with a maid of honor at
court , or chinning some cackling old
Plymouth Rock dowager of Europe ,
where I got on to that easy air of aplomb.
I reply that it was in the corridor of a
Chicago hotel that I first realized iny
social value after having been shown
that I had none , and nil this has been
brought about within a few years , too.
We have in the meantime marched along
together , the Chicago hotels and I , till
the hotels , at least , are full all of the
I never knew whether I was regarded
by the hotels in those curly days us too
tough - looking to be euiurlamea or
whether I was generally supposed to bo
morally oblique. In either event it was
an entirely erroneous impression. Pos
sibly the proprietors thought that I
would be ungratefullike the fable of the
frapped serpent , which , upon being
warmed in the bosom of the generous
peasant , blossomed forth into an un
grateful jnc.
However it may have been , it was a
good lesson to me and broke me almost
entirely of the use of plug tobacco , dur
ing the litany. It also teaches us that
even Chicago , free and hospitable as
she was then , proud of the fact that she
was West , and pointing the cold finger
of scorn at the "hauteur of Boston , yet
was not above kicking the life out of
the horny-handed , but crude pellican of
the Great Still Farther West.
Even as Laramie City society turned
up her nose at the ranchers of Red
Buttcs.who came to ourfelechampctrw at
Laramie , with their feet done up in Java
coffee sacking , so even did Chicago turn
coldly away from my blue morocco top
boots , with gold stars on the legs , and
my broad and mellow hat , with ban
gles on the brim and a leather heirloom ,
for a bond , in the shape of the now use
less crupper of n dear dead mule.
in Chicago Herald.
In a Few Tears Sacli a Journey "Will Be
Common Enough.
The latest news from the Congo
states that the railroad to connect the
port on the lower Coilgo with Stanley
pool , where navigatipn- the upper
Congo begins , is now in process of con
struction , and that everything is pro
gressing favorably. The entire length
of the line is less than 300 miles , and
only twenty-five of these present en
gineering obstructions of any difficulty
whatever , and these have already been
overcome. If all goes well the line
ought to be completed in three years ,
says the Philadelphia Inquirer. By
that time express steamers will be put
on the Congo , so that a trip to central
Africa will bo easily made by every
summer tourist.
Thus we will suppose aPhiladelphian ,
desires to visit Stanley Falls , the head
quarters of Tippoo Tib. situated direct
ly in the heart of the dark continent.
If he is in a hurry he can plan his trip
about this way :
Philadelphia to Southampton 7
Southampton to mouth of Congo 12
Over Congo railroad. . 1
Stanley pool to Stanley falls 4
Two weeks at th > falls 14
Ket urn trip as above 24
Total length of trip G3
Thus one can leave home July 1 , see
all the wondrous beauties of the Afri
can continent , spend two weeks hunt
ing elephants and visiting the natives ,
ami be back at his desk 1 after
having crossed the equator six times.
We shall expect very soon to see the
country Hooded with circulars of the
Tippoo Tip African Tourist company
( limited ) , which will issue round-trip
tickets for the journey , furnish guides
and all useful information , attend
tourists on little hunting side trips ,
and secure front seats at cannibal
feasts. All this can be easily accom
plished for $500 , the great point in
cheapness being that the shops of cen
tral Africa are not such as to tempt
the tourist to unload his wealth. La
dies particularly will not return with
their trunks full of central African ,
The above estimates of time and cost
may seem overdrawn , but it is prob
able that before this decade is ended
they will be found to be too high. And
after Americans once get into the way
of taking a jaunt into central Africa
goodness knows what development
ma- take place in that benighted re-
An Automatic Door-Shutter.
All who have experienced the dis
comfort of a cold draft on a railway
car at this especial season will hone
that the. example of the Revr England
railroad company in obviating such
cause of discomfort will be followed by
all other railway companies. The plan ,
in brief , is the use of double windows
and a simple door-check whereby the
door closes itself.
The question of drafts on the cars is
almost always a question of ethics of
consideration for the rights of others
from the moral point of view. Un
happily , as human nature is constituted
tuted , "especially human nature on a
journey for travel , while it broadens
many persons , seems to develop the
most seltish traits in others ethical
considerations are a poor dependence
for keeping a deer shut. Any appli
ance , .therefore , to attain that end is to
be welcomed in the interest of the
traveling community.
It is barely possible. , indeed , that the
object lesson of a car-door which me-
chauically shuts itself will not be lost
upon the traveling public and that its
silout inculcation of the first law of
winter etiquette will in time so impress
itself upon the community that it may
insensibly fall into the habit of shutting
ail doors'at the inclement season , to
the substantial gaiu of human comfort
and the diminution of the rate of
mortality from puoumonia. Philadel
phia Eecord.
Some people have a queer idea of the
function of the census bureau. The
other day the superintendent received
the following letter from Oroville ,
Colo. : "Can you inform me how I can
get on to inforce the lobster law ? I
hef been on the police force here five
years and last week was discharged by
a rum Bord we was put in by tv tem-
perans Bord and now the rum Bord is
goiu,1 to have its own way this year. "
What is
Castoria is Dr. Samuel Pitcher's prescription for Infants
and Children. It contains neither Opium , Morphine nor
other Xarcotio suhstance. It is a harmless substitute
for Paregoric , Drops , Soothing Syrups , and Castor Oil.
It is Pleasant. Its guarantee is thirty years' use hy
Millions of Mothers. Castoria destroys Worms and allays
feverishncss. Castoria prevents vomiting Sour Curd ,
cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. Castoria relieves
teething trouhles , cures constipation and flatulency.
Castoria assimilates the food , regulates the stomach
and howcls , giving healthy and natural sleep. Cas
toria is the Children's Panacea the Mother's Friend.
"Castoria. Is an excellent medicine for chil
dren. Mothers have repeatedly told mo of its
good effect upon their children. "
Da. G. C. OSGOOD ,
Lowell , Moss.
" Castoria is the best remedy for children of
which I am acquainted. I hope the day is not
far distant when mothers will consider the real
interest of their children , and use Castoria in
stead of the various quack nostrums which are
destroying their loved ones , by forcing opium ,
morphine , soothing syrup and other hurtful
agents down their throats , thereby sending ;
them to premature graves. "
Du. J. F. ZiNcntxoB ,
Conway , Ark.
Castoria. -
" Castoria is so well adapted to children that
I recommend it ossupcriorto any prescription
known to me. "
U. A. AncnER , 1L D. ,
Ill So. Oxford St. , Brooklyn , N. Y.
" Our physicians in the children's depart
ment have spoken highly of their experi
ence in their outside practice with Castoria ,
and although we only hare among our
medical supplies what is known as regular
products , yet we are free to confess that the
merits of Castoria has won us to look with
favor upon it. "
Boston , Moss.
ALLEN C. Surra , Pres. ,
The Centaur Company , T7 Murray Street , Hb-w York City.
* ;
! ELY BROTHERS . , 56 Warren St. , New York. ? rfco K > ct ? I i
Try this popular brand. It is one of the finest nickel cigars
ever placed on sale in McCook.
Steam and Hot Water Heating ,
North Main Avenue ,
' A stock of best grades of Hose , Lawn
Sprinklers , HOBO Keels nud Hose Fixtures ,
constantly on hand. Ail work receives prompt
House Mover % Drayman ,
ouse and Safe Moving a Spec
ialty. Orders for Draying left at the
Huddleston Lumber Yard will receive
prompt attention.
DR. HimruBETs * SPECIFICS are scientifically and
caref ully prepared prescriptions ; used for many
years in private practice with success.and forever
thlrtyyears used by the people , livery single Spe
cific is a special cure for the disease named.
These Speclilcs euro without drog&ln ? , purg
ing or reducing the system , and are In fact and
deed theaovcreizu remedies oftheWorld.
1 Fevers , Congestion , inflammation. . . .as
! i Worms , WorraFe\er. Worm Colic .y.1
a ColicorTecthlngorinfanu . 'Jo
4 Diarrhea , oi Children or Adulti . ; 5
5 .Dysentery , Griping , Bilious Colic. . . . , iI5
( i Cholera 31 orb us , Vomiting . tj.'i
10 Dyspepsia , Bilious Stomach
11 Siippreswedor Painful 1'eriods. .t 5
1-J Whites , too Prof use Period ? MS
ii Croup , Cough , DlfilcuUBreathing. . . . , U5
1-t- Salt ithuuin , Erysipelas , Eruptions. .i5
15 Rheumatism , KheumatlcPains.5
1 i TVver and Ague , Chills,3IalariaTO
J7 Kidney 1 > ! sense . . . O
JS Nervous .Debility . ! . ! >
JO rrinttry Weakness , WfttinsBcd. .J 50 of iheIIeu.rtPaIpltatioul.Op
Sold by Drugel'ts. or sentpostpaid on rc"clpt
of price. Dr. . HCMFIIREVilAVUAi , (144 pases )
richly bound in cloth and gold , mailed free.
HuinphreyH''JFuUoHSt.N Y.
Children Cry for Pitcher's Castoria.
When Baby was sick , we gave her Castoria.
When she was a Child , she cried for Castoria ,
\7hen she became iliss , she clung to Castoria ,
When she had Children , she gave them Castoria.
Horses branded on left hip or left shoulder.
P.O.address , Imperial.
Chaee County , and Beat-
trice , Neb. Range. Stink-
linj ? Water and French-
I man creeks. Chase Co. ,
] Nebraska.
Brand as cut on side of
some animals , on hip and
sides of Borne , or any
where on the animil.
Bus , Baggage Dray Line.
F. P. ALLEN , Prop. ,
7 Best Equipped in the Citr. Leave orders
at Commercial Hotel. Good well water fur-
aiabed on short notice.
To cure Biliousness , Sick Headache , Consti
pation , ilalaria , Liver Complaints , take
the safe and certain remedy ,
& K3
T7se the SMAM. Size (40little Beans to the
bottle ) . THEY AKE THE MOST CONVENIENT. * ox0.11. . _ A.Bos. .
Price of cither size , 25c. per Bottle.
UttW'5Mnu UaHe < iror4ets.copp r oritiar7i. t
sfe . * rass
biolntelT tmf JJ ! r HOflJ !
[ Uitlfj nrcm SO SUUi ud Fmi
titrlpllre n k. pUa Uaaiad , r =