Ascorrr.m Your A oriCATj In public plnccH nowndh/s Uicro stands a Without proprietor or clerk to toll Its simple tulo ; But passi-rs-by may read tlio words engraved upon ti pinto. , To"Dropii nickel in the slot and ascertain yourwclclit. " A moral's licrc. peed people. If you'll tafco a moment's thought. A lesson lor life's Kuidanco 'tis and most sue clncily tmiKlit ; For If It liu ilio p.irl of limn to liavo n bout wlllifsitc , It surely Is tlio tlilacr to do to "ascertuln yom weight. " 80 , If you think that politics affords you widest scope. If to pull the \vlrrs deftly Is your purpose uni your t ope. . , If you funcy that your destiny's to glorify the st lo , Just drop u iHckcl in the slot and ascertain your weight. If you dream that you're an actor , and Imap Inc von'rc endowed With graces mid with gifts to win the plaudits of Hit ! croud , If sock and buskin visions flll your soul with joy elate , Just > lrop u nickel in the slot and ascertain your weight. If you feel that you're a poet , and by right ( II vine belong To lho o whose wings have borne them to Par- „ nnsslnn heights of song , If bal/iies ? umdeaus , triolets , youlonggo in cubate , Just drop u nlcltol In the slot and ascertain your weight. If you deem your forte the story , and you only ask the chance To run a tilt with Haggard in the regions of romance. If another llobert Elsmcro you are eager to * create. Just drop u nickel In the slot and ascertain your weight. If you ECO yourself a lawyer , or a doctor , or a beau , If yon think that as a lover you could make a touch'ing show. If you deem toclety the field you ought to cul tivate , Just di op a nickel in the slot and ascertain your weight. In short , whatc'er the path to which ambition points the way , Bopeat ibis legend to yourself ere yet you make essay. For it Is well that modesty , before it is too late. Should drop a nickel in the slot and ascertain its weight. Willlxm L. Kccse , in Harper's Mognziuo. THE DEATH OF "OLE JOE , " The dark , drizzling rain , lowering clouds and heavy atmosphere bring back to me so well the night so many years ajro on" which poor Ole Joe " breathed" his last. "I say "Ole Joe. " Such was lie always called by every one , old aucH'oung , on the plantation , I really believe. Some of the negroes never thought he was anything else than old in oth er words , born old. From my earliest childhood he was always the same. Tall and slightly bent , with a shaking , rheumatic walk , grizzly hair and beard. It may have been natural , it may hare been from respect to his old age , but Ole Joe was looked up to by every oth er negro on the place , and had a pe culiar way of adapting himself to any crowd he was thrown amongst. He was a favorite with all the children , and had a knack of telling stories and gesticulating that I have never heard before or since. It may not have been what he said so much as the manner in which it was related , but certain it is that all the children were lirm be lievers in his stories , and looked upon him as something of an oracle. For many years everything glided along peacefully , until my father's death , and then what -change. . Al ways a kind master and good neigh bor , his death was mourned by all. We had scarcely gotten over the -shock when , not long after , news was brought to the house that Arthur , an only brother , had been found dead on "the big road. " It proved but too true. He had received severe internal injuries , and died before help could reach htm. I will draw a veil over the next few years. Many changes had taken place on the plantation , but I will tell you about the death of "Ole Joe. " He had been sick and decrepit a long time , but no one had thought the end was so near. One day I was busily attending household affairs , when one of the women rushed in and cried : "O , Miss Hattie , do for de Lord's sake come to Ole Joe. I jes know he's dyin1 out thar in the field. " I rushed out where he was , and when I reached the spot he was lyin < on the ground. The negroes , paralysed with fear , were afraid'to touch him. His breathing was , faint and irregular so faint , indeed , that it was hardly perceptible. Giving orders to the men to take him into the cabin at once.I dis patched one of the darkies for a phy sician and hurried to the house to get restoratives. These were administered , and he had partially recovered when " the doctor arrived. "After remaining some time , and having given directions to Mammy Jane , who was to act as " uurse , he "look his departure. Before leaving , however , he told me he thought Ole Joe's time was run , and his death was onlythe question of a few hours. I went over to the bed and sat down by the side of one who had ever been such a faithful friend and servant. As I sat there his eyes opened and he gazed around the room as one would after consciousness from a long siege of illness. He looked at me , then at the negroes standing round , awl I saw that he recognized all. He spoke slowlv and distinctly , though with great effort. He said : " 1 bin tell in you a long time I was jrettin1 feeble , and now I tell you that Ole JoeMl soon be gone. You've all been good and kind chillun , and I's mighty thankful. But. oh. Lord } * , jes1 to think that I shall soon see Marse Henry and-OIe Miss and Marse Abe and all the folks I's see buried on.this 'ere phtre.1 And in his weakness and excitement the tears rolled down his cheeks. I gave him the medicine prescribed , which seemed to ease him , and left the cabin soon to return. jSTews was brought to the house that he was resting , and it wat just before sunrise that I went over again. There was no change , except that his voice had grown weaker , and his talk was occasionally wild and disconnected. Sometimes he thought he was in the .field picking cotton. Again he was hunting the fox with "Marso Hen ry , " and the old man would rise from his pillow with his imaginary bridle. NOW he was joining in one of the plan tation songs , and never before had I heard his "Voice raised BO clear. Ex hausted from his singing and panting , he fell into a stupor from which we thought he would never rally. It was nigh onto to 10 o'clock when the doctor came. .He said : "It is just us I expected ; he will bo dead before morning. " When the negroes heard this they began to wail ana bemoan as only negroes can. The women threw their aprons over their heads , yelling as though some fearful calamity "was at hand. The contagion soon spread from cabin to cabin , and for a while the plantation resounded with cries and lamentations. Men and women , no longer excluded from the room , Hocked in to take a last look at faith ful Ole Joe alive. He seemefl to regain consciousness , and. spoke to them for the last time , and even at this hour I could noMnit notice that ho spoke with the same de liberation as of old. Ho said : "There's % one thing I want to ask. Bury me be hind White Church whar nobody won't pester me. " Hostopped a moment and then went on : "I's mighty happy to die. Just now I saw Marser , and he say they's waitin' for me at the oth er side uv de ribber. I ain't never done no harm to any living crittur. 'Twasn't no fault o' mine that" Jim ( his brother ) tried to kill Jack Adams. I's always tried to do what I thought wuz right , and de Lord he ain't gwyiu' to give me up. I wants to die. for I's lived long enough , and I tell ye it's mighty poor to keep on when you can't help nobody , and is a burden on pee ple's hands. " Here he seemed to lose his breath , and was unable to say more when he tried to. The death struggle did not begin for several hours afterward. I saw that he was becoming weaker , and called in some men to prop him on his pillows. The atmosphere in the room was close , and I walked out into the cool night air. The rain , which had been falling heavily all the evening , had now light ened , and the trees just shedding their leaves , were sighing and moaning. A dog back of { ho barn sot up a distant howl and soon others from a neighbor ing farm joined in. * Death seemed to be in the air , and one could almost hear him creeping"along. . Not daring to remain longer outside , I went into the cabin again. A first glance at the bed told me that the grim monster would soon claim his own. Ole Joe was supported by two men , and his eyes , grey and glass } ' , were already fixed. His mouth was open and as my hand passed m front of his face , I felt his cold clammy breath. I lifted up one of his horny hands , hardened from many years labor. All around the nails was a circle of blue , and the fingers were even icy. Looking at his face , it seemed to have grown ages older since the day before. There were many wrinkles and furrows in the hollow cheeks , and the eyes starting in their sockets , were sunken much. His nose was sharpened , and seemed of a different hue from the rest of his face. Happity , the struggle did not last long. His tongue turned in his mouth , one long , loud breath , and all was over. We buried him just as he had asked , near White Church on the Avalona road , and the three big oaks sing a lovely anthem over his grave. Atlanta Constitution. HE'S , A NEGRO PROPHET. And Georgia People Think Tils Quaint Observations Contain All "Wisdom. Smithville , Lee County , Ga. . boasts a colored philosopher named John Spradler. who is known to his ac quaintances by the familiar title of "Uncle. " He makes a great many startling and sensational observations , some of which have been thought worthy of a place in print. Here are a few of his quaint assertions from the Louisvflle Times : I doan know ef dis worl' is a fren' to grace or not.kase I know some folks dot don't say grace at all. De sayin' is , you mus1 make hay while de sun shines , en dat'r. why dere's sech a scarcity of hay. r lks don't like de sun , you see. Religionis a great blcwin' , b t sum folks have a call to plow , en1 tink it is a call to preach. Dat counts for de scarcity ob farmers 'mong de cullud race. I doan b'lieve in findin' fault wid dis lieah worl' , kase it's de best worl11 I was ever in , an' it's a mighty long ways to de next one. De Bible tells de sluggard to go to de ants , but some o1 dese ants would mck it so hot for him dat he1 hab to sit ; up and hustle. It's a long lane what ain't got no turnin' , but tek care ho don't turn too short and turn de wagon over. So don't drive too fast. Dis race * question is mighty easy to settle. Let de white man keep on"be - in' white , an1 de nigger black , an1 foller de mule faithful , an' quitjloatin' round' de keutry , an' hit'll settle jis like coffee. When I see a man goin' home wid a gallon ob whisky and a pound ob meat [ know dat dere's a peck ob misenr to ebery pound ob happiness in dat house- liold. liold.Derc Derc ain't no use in grievin1 over spilt milk , for ten to ono de milk was jalf water , an' dere's plenty mo' wells in de keutry. "VVet Feet. How often do we see people tramp ing about in the mud , with shoes soaked through ; and how often do such people when they return home sit down bv the fireside and permit their feet to dry , without changing either stockings or shoes. Can we then wonder at the coughing and barking and rheumatism and inflammation which enable the doctors to ride in their carriages ? Wet feet most commonly produce affections of the throat and luugs.and when such diseases have once Taken place "the house is on fire , " danger is not far off ; therefore , every .N . no matter how healthy , ought > guard against wet feet. N. Y. Ledger. The SO Cents "Were Needed. "Can you give me 30 cents , kind' sir ? " asked a beggar. " 1 wish to buy a ham sandwich. "But you can ge.t a ham sandwich for a nickel. " "Yes i the quarter is to fee the waiter with/1 N. T. Sun. BILL NYE Otf CLOTHES. HE CHANCES TOGS TO SOME PURPOSE - POSE AT A CHICAGO HOTEL. Doing : Refused Quarters , Ho Bu s a Shave and a New Suit uud Is "Wei. coined. Chicago either has Letter hotel nccom modatious than she used to have , or ] present a more iuviting appearance nt the hotel desk than I did. I remember of landing in the.city a few years ago Irom the West. I catne to buy a new Job press and some colored ink for printing calling cards and wedding stationery in my mountain home. I can only remember dimly the costume I wore , but I now believe that my general appearance had something to do with my failure to secure good quarters and ns a result it gave me a false impression of Chicago's hospitality. BILL AND HIS BRONZE WHISKERS. I wore as nearly as I can now remem ber , a set of bronze whiskers with a lit tle alkali dust in them , a soft , rather widish and slightly debilitated hatworn with a rakish air , on one side. I re member that I wore my overcoat a good deal more than other people did , but this was partly because I had forgotten my beneath coat and hated to go about the streets of Chicago in my shirt Bleeves. I had a new pair of boo& that I thought a great deal of , for they were so small and symmetrical and expensive , that I did not mind the pain they gave me. The heels were high and tapering , the instep arched and graceful and the tops were of beautiful bronze morocco , laced up with ecru corset strings of the same. lily manner was free and debonnair , though I had been a justice of the peace , and had money enough in my purse to buy a Gordon job press and a small line of ornamental type for card and eques trian work at home. I can see now that the clerk at the desk always hesitated about -assigning me a room , even before he had retired to look over his tally sheet at the rear of the office. In this way I went to ono hotel after another , signing iny name smaller and smallcr.less and less like my own and more and more like "Dennis' , " until the grey of dawn came gently across the cold , blue bosom of the lake. Gradually the hush that lay along the river , the grim and tallowy river , was broken and business on Chirk street awakened. I went in at first to the shop of a barber , and , shaking hands with my bronze whiskers for the last time , I filed them away in the dim garret of the past. Then I went to a shop where clothes were being sacrificed just as they are to-day. I bought a few togs that were quiet and laid aside the fortissimo trous ers I had , taking care , however , to re place them with others before emerging to the street. AFTEIl THE METAMORPHOSIS. When I came forth I had also a new fiat. In those days men wore a small , spoon-shaped hat , which is greatly af fected by the low comedians on the stage ut present. I looked like a butterfly of fashion when I came into the sunlight. I burie.d my block enamelled grip near where Dr. Cronin's body was found , and by evening iThad resolved to go to the best hotel and stay a day or two. I am glad I did , for it gave me a polish Which is still noticeable eveu in the court cir cles of Europe and Joliet. So 1 say that even in Chicago clothing makes a difference. The artist has shown that the improvement was hardly enough to warrant the change in my reception , ana" yet I got the bridal chamber at one of the best of hotels , burned out a whole lot of gas , did not get up till long after breakfast was ready , and finally went hors.a without my Gordon press to brag over my action at Chicago. Years bare added to the air of naltette , polish and bonhomme thus so fortunate ly inaugurated and now I am often asked while gassing with a maid of honor at court , or chinning some cackling old Plymouth Rock dowager of Europe , where I got on to that easy air of aplomb. I reply that it was in the corridor of a Chicago hotel that I first realized iny social value after having been shown that I had none , and nil this has been brought about within a few years , too. We have in the meantime marched along together , the Chicago hotels and I , till the hotels , at least , are full all of the time. I never knew whether I was regarded by the hotels in those curly days us too tough - looking to be euiurlamea or whether I was generally supposed to bo morally oblique. In either event it was an entirely erroneous impression. Pos sibly the proprietors thought that I would be ungratefullike the fable of the frapped serpent , which , upon being warmed in the bosom of the generous peasant , blossomed forth into an un grateful jnc. However it may have been , it was a good lesson to me and broke me almost entirely of the use of plug tobacco , dur ing the litany. It also teaches us that even Chicago , free and hospitable as she was then , proud of the fact that she was West , and pointing the cold finger of scorn at the "hauteur of Boston , yet was not above kicking the life out of the horny-handed , but crude pellican of the Great Still Farther West. Even as Laramie City society turned up her nose at the ranchers of Red Buttcs.who came to ourfelechampctrw at Laramie , with their feet done up in Java coffee sacking , so even did Chicago turn coldly away from my blue morocco top boots , with gold stars on the legs , and my broad and mellow hat , with ban gles on the brim and a leather heirloom , for a bond , in the shape of the now use less crupper of n dear dead mule. in Chicago Herald. A TRIP TO CENTRAL AFRICA. In a Few Tears Sacli a Journey "Will Be Common Enough. The latest news from the Congo states that the railroad to connect the port on the lower Coilgo with Stanley pool , where navigatipn- the upper Congo begins , is now in process of con struction , and that everything is pro gressing favorably. The entire length of the line is less than 300 miles , and only twenty-five of these present en gineering obstructions of any difficulty whatever , and these have already been overcome. If all goes well the line ought to be completed in three years , says the Philadelphia Inquirer. By that time express steamers will be put on the Congo , so that a trip to central Africa will bo easily made by every summer tourist. Thus we will suppose aPhiladelphian , desires to visit Stanley Falls , the head quarters of Tippoo Tib. situated direct ly in the heart of the dark continent. If he is in a hurry he can plan his trip about this way : Days. Philadelphia to Southampton 7 Southampton to mouth of Congo 12 Over Congo railroad. . 1 Stanley pool to Stanley falls 4 Two weeks at th > falls 14 Ket urn trip as above 24 Total length of trip G3 Thus one can leave home July 1 , see all the wondrous beauties of the Afri can continent , spend two weeks hunt ing elephants and visiting the natives , ami be back at his desk Sc-.pt. 1 after having crossed the equator six times. We shall expect very soon to see the country Hooded with circulars of the Tippoo Tip African Tourist company ( limited ) , which will issue round-trip tickets for the journey , furnish guides and all useful information , attend tourists on little hunting side trips , and secure front seats at cannibal feasts. All this can be easily accom plished for $500 , the great point in cheapness being that the shops of cen tral Africa are not such as to tempt the tourist to unload his wealth. La dies particularly will not return with their trunks full of central African , costumes. The above estimates of time and cost may seem overdrawn , but it is prob able that before this decade is ended they will be found to be too high. And after Americans once get into the way of taking a jaunt into central Africa goodness knows what development ma- take place in that benighted re- An Automatic Door-Shutter. All who have experienced the dis comfort of a cold draft on a railway car at this especial season will hone that the. example of the Revr England railroad company in obviating such cause of discomfort will be followed by all other railway companies. The plan , in brief , is the use of double windows and a simple door-check whereby the door closes itself. The question of drafts on the cars is almost always a question of ethics of consideration for the rights of others from the moral point of view. Un happily , as human nature is constituted " tuted , "especially human nature on a journey for travel , while it broadens many persons , seems to develop the most seltish traits in others ethical considerations are a poor dependence for keeping a deer shut. Any appli ance , .therefore , to attain that end is to be welcomed in the interest of the traveling community. It is barely possible. , indeed , that the object lesson of a car-door which me- chauically shuts itself will not be lost upon the traveling public and that its silout inculcation of the first law of winter etiquette will in time so impress itself upon the community that it may insensibly fall into the habit of shutting ' ail doors'at the inclement season , to the substantial gaiu of human comfort and the diminution of the rate of mortality from puoumonia. Philadel phia Eecord. Some people have a queer idea of the function of the census bureau. The other day the superintendent received the following letter from Oroville , Colo. : "Can you inform me how I can get on to inforce the lobster law ? I hef been on the police force here five years and last week was discharged by a rum Bord we was put in by tv tem- perans Bord and now the rum Bord is goiu,1 to have its own way this year. " What is Castoria is Dr. Samuel Pitcher's prescription for Infants and Children. It contains neither Opium , Morphine nor other Xarcotio suhstance. It is a harmless substitute for Paregoric , Drops , Soothing Syrups , and Castor Oil. It is Pleasant. Its guarantee is thirty years' use hy Millions of Mothers. Castoria destroys Worms and allays feverishncss. Castoria prevents vomiting Sour Curd , cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. Castoria relieves teething trouhles , cures constipation and flatulency. Castoria assimilates the food , regulates the stomach and howcls , giving healthy and natural sleep. Cas toria is the Children's Panacea the Mother's Friend. Castoria. "Castoria. Is an excellent medicine for chil dren. Mothers have repeatedly told mo of its good effect upon their children. " Da. G. C. OSGOOD , Lowell , Moss. " Castoria is the best remedy for children of which I am acquainted. I hope the day is not far distant when mothers will consider the real interest of their children , and use Castoria in stead of the various quack nostrums which are destroying their loved ones , by forcing opium , morphine , soothing syrup and other hurtful agents down their throats , thereby sending ; them to premature graves. " Du. J. F. ZiNcntxoB , Conway , Ark. Castoria. - " Castoria is so well adapted to children that I recommend it ossupcriorto any prescription known to me. " U. A. AncnER , 1L D. , Ill So. Oxford St. , Brooklyn , N. Y. " Our physicians in the children's depart ment have spoken highly of their experi ence in their outside practice with Castoria , and although we only hare among our medical supplies what is known as regular products , yet we are free to confess that the merits of Castoria has won us to look with favor upon it. " UNITED HOSPITAL AND DISPKNSAUT , Boston , Moss. ALLEN C. Surra , Pres. , The Centaur Company , T7 Murray Street , Hb-w York City. * ; I POSITIVE CURE ! ! ELY BROTHERS . , 56 Warren St. , New York. ? rfco K > ct ? I i r JTA.CK DWYEJR'S. UATT"F > / ATTATnriT" OT A T OUR COUNTY-SEAT I \ IHi A FIVE CENT CIGAR. Try this popular brand. It is one of the finest nickel cigars ever placed on sale in McCook. F. D. BURGESS , PLUMBING , Steam and Hot Water Heating , North Main Avenue , McCOOK , - - NEBRASKA. ' A stock of best grades of Hose , Lawn Sprinklers , HOBO Keels nud Hose Fixtures , constantly on hand. Ail work receives prompt attention. J. S. McBRAYER , House Mover % Drayman , McCOOK , NEB * ouse and Safe Moving a Spec ialty. Orders for Draying left at the Huddleston Lumber Yard will receive prompt attention. DR. HimruBETs * SPECIFICS are scientifically and caref ully prepared prescriptions ; used for many years in private practice with success.and forever thlrtyyears used by the people , livery single Spe cific is a special cure for the disease named. These Speclilcs euro without drog&ln ? , purg ing or reducing the system , and are In fact and deed theaovcreizu remedies oftheWorld. USTOFPIUXCITAI.XOS. CCUCS. 1 Fevers , Congestion , inflammation. . . .as ! i Worms , WorraFe\er. Worm Colic .y.1 a ColicorTecthlngorinfanu . 'Jo 4 Diarrhea , oi Children or Adulti . ; 5 5 .Dysentery , Griping , Bilious Colic. . . . , iI5 ( i Cholera 31 orb us , Vomiting . tj.'i 10 Dyspepsia , Bilious Stomach 11 Siippreswedor Painful 1'eriods. .t 5 1-J Whites , too Prof use Period ? MS ii Croup , Cough , DlfilcuUBreathing. . . . , U5 1-t- Salt ithuuin , Erysipelas , Eruptions. .i5 15 Rheumatism , KheumatlcPains.5 1 i TVver and Ague , Chills,3IalariaTO J7 Kidney 1 > ! sense . . . O JS Nervous .Debility . ! . ! > JO rrinttry Weakness , WfttinsBcd. .J 50 liiseiii.es of iheIIeu.rtPaIpltatioul.Op Sold by Drugel'ts. or sentpostpaid on rc"clpt of price. Dr. . HCMFIIREVilAVUAi , (144 pases ) richly bound in cloth and gold , mailed free. HuinphreyH'JIedicineCo.lu'JFuUoHSt.N Y. Children Cry for Pitcher's Castoria. When Baby was sick , we gave her Castoria. When she was a Child , she cried for Castoria , \7hen she became iliss , she clung to Castoria , When she had Children , she gave them Castoria. K1JLPATIUCK BROTHERS. Horses branded on left hip or left shoulder. P.O.address , Imperial. Chaee County , and Beat- trice , Neb. Range. Stink- linj ? Water and French- I man creeks. Chase Co. , ] Nebraska. Brand as cut on side of some animals , on hip and sides of Borne , or any where on the animil. ALLEN'S TRANSFER , Bus , Baggage Dray Line. F. P. ALLEN , Prop. , McCOOK , NEBRASKA. 7 Best Equipped in the Citr. Leave orders at Commercial Hotel. Good well water fur- aiabed on short notice. To cure Biliousness , Sick Headache , Consti pation , ilalaria , Liver Complaints , take the safe and certain remedy , SMITH'S & K3 T7se the SMAM. Size (40little Beans to the bottle ) . THEY AKE THE MOST CONVENIENT. Stti.to.Talo * ox0.11. . _ A.Bos. . Price of cither size , 25c. per Bottle. UttW'5Mnu UaHe < iror4ets.copp r oritiar7i. t J.F.SMITH&CO.S iiersor"SlLEBEANS"ST.lOJIS ! HO. ) sfe . * rass biolntelT tmf JJ ! r HOflJ ! [ Uitlfj nrcm SO SUUi ud Fmi titrlpllre n k. pUa Uaaiad , r = "m. ERIE MEDICAL CO.BUFFAiTo.1iI Y ! 1 '